


Finding Shouyou

by LightningQuartz



Series: Finding Shouyou [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Emotional Manipulation, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Self-Harm, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2018-07-21 17:41:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 51
Words: 269,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7397158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightningQuartz/pseuds/LightningQuartz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata Shouyou learns more about himself than he ever wanted to know.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First ten chapters or so are being rewritten, story is still updated with a new chapter each day.

**Chapter One**

Hinata Shouyou isn't sure what draws him in, the yowling cat, the distinctive red, or the hair with two colors. He decides that it's probably all three of those things in combination with being completely lost. Whoever thought a town run was a good idea was probably not thinking. He blames Kageyama, even if Kageyama suggest things as much as he calls everyone an idiot, it's still Kageyama's fault for him getting lost. A great ace shows no fear. Except Asahi. He decides, walking towards the red swathed person, proximity doesn't help him gather the stranger's gender. Asahi has long hair. But Asahi also has a beard.

"What are you doing?" He calls out, making the hair jump like its been shocked. He suppresses a snicker until the person turns to glare at him with the strangest eyes he's ever seen. Like a cat, but a person. They're golden and glow under the afternoon light, they shift along his body and he feels it like the gold is sliding over skin that shouldn't be exposed, he shudders.

"Uh-" The cat-eyed person, _boy person,_ mumbles, Hinata watches his Adam's Apple bob as he swallows then his mouth opens again.

"I'm lost." Hinata smiles. _This must be fate._ He can't understand why he was supposed to meet this stranger, the more he stares the more the red draws him in, he's confused. Excited, but confused.

"Are you from out of town?" He asks, notices the way the stranger's arms tense under his red jacket.

Golden eyes snap up to him and he feels the searching that goes on behind them, the black-blond hair bobs on the stranger's head, then his eyes are gone along with the view of his face. Kind of rude to turn away from fate. Hinata thought it was also pretty cool that someone would do that, not that he was going to tell the stranger that he was really cool, even if he did have similar hair to his senpai. Black with blond. He can't help but wonder if this stranger would be good at receiving, or screaming while rolling to receive.

"Is that thing fun?" Hinata asks when the silence starts ringing in his ears, he'd really like to know the purpose of meeting someone who's as lost as he is.

The stranger jerks back as he leaps forward, their eyes don't meet but the stranger replies, humming quietly before stating, "Not really, just passing time."

In an even voice. _Calm._ It's weird meeting calm people, all of the calm people on the volleyball team actually have a lot of interesting things about them when they get fired up. He leans forward, trying to get a better look at his strange new acquaintance, wondering what habits they'd pick up when they got excited.

He almost jumps in glee when he spots the stranger's bag, Volleyball Shoes! "Are you a volleyball player?" He all but shouts, and the stranger reels back again.

He was meant to be my rival! It all made sense now.

"Huh?" Is his response, golden eyes are on him again, he points to the bag next to the guy's legs. His hair flicks as he follows Hinata's finger, lips squirm as eyes land on a gym bag, gym shoes sticking out of them.

"Oh-" He states like he's just noticed that he happen to play the best sport in existence.

"Yeah." Comes the quiet reply, then there's quiet, except for the tapping of long fingers on a cell phone.

"I play on a team too! I'm Hinata Shouyou!" He cries out, ready to offer his new rival a fight as soon as he knows his name. He barely gets a glance before the stranger's vision is absorbed by flashing colors.

"Kozume." Is the quiet reply, Hinata fills with adrenaline, I must beat Kozume!

"Kozume, that's your name?" He gets another glance, "Kozume-" the boy echoes, "Kenma."

"You're Kenma!" What a good name for a rival! "Are you in high school?" He has to ask, Kenma has a very listless, passive expression in his face that he only sees on adults, but he lacks wrinkles and his eyes are so, so bright.

Kenma hums an affirmative, "What year? I'm a first year!" He tries to size up the crouching boy, he thinks they might be the same height, give or take a few centimeters.

"I'm in second year." Comes the eventual reply, it takes a moment before Hinata can absorb that information, then he squeaks as he bows. "Ah- Sorry!"

Kenma doesn't acknowledge his apology verbally, but his shoulder does shrug, "I don't really care about status stuff in sports." That put him more at ease, How long had Kenma been playing Volleyball? Could I still beat him? Will he kidnap me if my team doesn't find me? Does he live in a dumpster? Does he secretly murder other volleyball players?

"So- Do you like volleyball?" He asks, wondering if Kenma would kill for his team, but also wondering why Kenma wasn't as hyped as he was about meeting another volleyball player. Kenma hummed quietly, probably buying time as he thought of a response.

"Not really." Hinata's heart broke almost audibly, Not really. Do you like the best sport ever. Not really. There was a sigh of relief, _at least he won't kill me over volleyball,_ "I kind of just do it." He's not sure what the means, _just_ doing something, he always had to put all he had into everything he did or he'd never keep up. Never be an ace.

"I don't dislike it." Kenma states, as if he can read Hinata's thoughts about murder and rivals. It's a start, he guesses. He's still kind of mad that someone who played volleyball didn't actually like it. "But I don't like getting tired."

He could kind of understand that, you can't play volleyball if you're tired. "But my friends play, and they can't do it without me." Hinata thought that was really cool, noble even. He didn't think he could do something he didn't like everyday for the sake of another person. Kenma doesn't sound like it, but he's a really good friend. Hinata smiles to himself, glad that people like Kenma would be on the court, good friends and spiking, maybe Kenma would have a better time if spiked more.

"You'd probably have more fun if you get to like it." He states wisely, leaning against the fence next to his new rival. Suga-san would be so proud of him for being so wise.

"I don't care." Comes the blunt response. Or maybe not. He tries not to let his hope crumble, because his rival deserved to have fun, even if he was losing to Karasuno. "It's only while I'm in high school." Hinata cannot help but wonder if Tsukishima and Kenma were related.

"What position do you play?" He wonders instead of asking if he was related to a really tall, mean kid.

"Setter." Comes the quiet response, and Hinata is left to wonder, Kageyama and Suga-san are really invested in volleyball. And they're setters. Maybe Kenma was just different, less motivated for reason. Maybe he doesn't have a rising ace on his team.

"Setter, huh?" He's nodding quietly, leaning his head back until his scalp is rubbing against the fence, making a mental list of setters and their personalities. None of the setters he knew had much in common.

"You're a little different than my setter, he's a little..." Obsessed, motivated, creepy, annoying. "Intense." He decides because it's the most neutral word he can describe Kageyama with, even when he knows that Kageyama wouldn't give him such in return. Wasn't around to hear him. He's lost. He's going to die alone with a cat and an unmotivated setter. His life is over.

"I'm a middle blocker!" He chirps, observing Kenma in case he decides to jump up and murder him for speaking out of turn. The black-blond hair doesn't move, and he lets out a little sigh of relief.

"Wow." Comes the flat response, Kenma doesn't sound very _wow'd_ to him.

"Do you think that's weird?" Hinata can't help but pout, just because he's short doesn't mean he can't block or spike. Stupid Kenma.

"It is a position for tall guys." He adds when Kenma is quiet for too long.

"I guess." He'll show Kozume Kenma!"But I don't think that." Hinata blinks. Maybe Kenma is a better rival than he thought. Kenma sighs then looks back up at him, he's drawn in by warm honey and nods, "I get told stuff in games all the time, like how setter is for the most talented, so why him?" Kenma doesn't sound hurt or even offended. _He must be really good._

"I'm not that athletic to begin with." A non-athletic athlete. He must be really, really good!

"Is your team good?" He asks instead of asking Kenma all the questions he has about the other boy.

"I heard we were good a really long time ago..." Just like our team! "But we starting falling off." Kenma seems to take in his pout and shrugs, "I think we're pretty good though." The black-blond boy's lips morph into an almost smirk, it's kind of intimidating. Setters have creepy smiles, he notices. Swallowing his anxiousness, he offers Kenma as bright a smile as he can manage, it's not that hard considering he just found a new rival.

"Wh-what school-?" Hinata's cut off by another voice, deep and uncomfortable that sends chills up his spine.

"Kenma!" then Kenma speaks, sounding more lively than Hinata has ever heard the other boy,

"Kuro!" Kuro? A tall boy draws into sight, tan skin covered in red. Same team as Kenma! He sizes up another possible rival, but he's pinned down as soon as he makes eye contact. Creepy. He thinks of rust and scary things he doesn't like. Breathing is a little harder as _Kuro_ stares into him, like his thoughts are being read.

"See you soon, Shouyou." Kenma mumbles, walking up without fear to the tall imposing man in front of them. He ignores the way that Kuro's eyes gleam at him, menacing and oddly more intimidating than Kenma's.

"R-right!" He squeaks, finally noticing that both Kuro and Kenma are walking away, neither of them turn back to him, so he might not have been heard. Hinata doesn't think it would be wise to chase them, or look at them for long periods of time. He's still lost. Now he's going to die alone. He leans back into the fence, wondering what fate might do to him. He have a new rival. He can't die now. Kenma said he'd see him soon.

"Maybe he abandoned me so he could die and he'd come harvest my organs." The whispered thought makes him peer around for cat-like setters or creepy spiky haired guys.

"Hinata!" He remembers how to breathe when someone calls his name, a familiar someone. He practically launches himself at his teammate.

"Don't let them harvest me, Suga-san! Don't let me die!" He's crying now, and he's not sure if they're happy tears or not.

"I was looking all over for you." Comes the response, Suga-san doesn't sound freaked out, his organs are safe though. Hinata climbs onto his teammate and doesn't dare to let go until they're both safe.

"I got lost! I could have died!" He wails into his teammate's sweaty neck, not really caring if he was getting that sweat all over his face. Suga struggles under his weight, Hinata can feel it in his quivering arms as he walks, but he refuses to get down until they find Daichi, he'd scare them off. His lungs take air more easily now, even if that air doesn't smell great, and he can't help but wonder when he'll see his new rival again. Soon. He could feel it, the truth in Kenma's last words.

"Hey, Hinata?" Suga asks once he's walking more steadily with the additional weight attached to him. Hinata hums quietly in askance, feeling oddly lethargic now that he's calmed down.

"You always give your all in practice, right?" He has a feeling that _that_ isn't all Suga is asking, even if he is about to pass out. He shrugs, shoulders pressing into Suga's, "I have to keep improving, Suga-san, I'll never catch up to Kageyama if I don't." It comes out as a whine, but he knows he can beat Kageyama one day, so he'd do a hundred practices a day if he had to.

"He's the only reason I'm allowed on the court." He swallows down an insult reserved for his setter and rests his cheek on Suga's shoulder, he hated how weak he was without his team, Kageyama specifically.

"I want to be treated like an individual, not a part of Kageyama, you know?" Suga makes a weird sound in his throat that might sound different if he weren't so close.

Hinata smiles into his teammate's shoulder, "I wanna play in every match there is! And never leave the court until I'm the best, ya know?" Suga is quiet for a long time, then he stops, Hinata wonders if he's about to be put down.

"I want to fight.." Oh. This is not good. He didn't figure his upperclassman to be the fighting type, "O-on the court I mean, I know Kageyama is a genius, but I can offer my skills too, fight and never leave the court. For the team." Suga's voice is quiet, unsure and shaking.

Hinata's head swims in guilt and sympathy. "For the team." He echoes, wondering how many games Suga would sit out because he thought Kageyama would be better in the team.

"I think you deserve to play." He says quietly, but he's right next to Suga's ear, so knows the boy can hear him. Confirms it when he feels Suga's arms stiffen around his body.

"Kageyama is good on the team, but I don't know if he's good for the team, you know?" Suga snorts, but nods stiffly, he thinks he can hear the older boy smiling.

"He's not nice, and sometimes he makes Tsukishima quit during practice. Not that I like Tsukishima." He mumbles the last part, knowing that Suga would yell at him for being mean, even if a certain blond wasn't around to hear it.

"I think I get what you mean, Hinata." He nods against the older boy, "Why do you call me that?"

Suga pauses in step, but keeps walking, "Your name?" He can definitely hear a smirk in Suga's tone. "My _family_ name."

Suga's shoulder shifts from under his head. "We haven't really known each other for that long, I've known Daichi for years and I still find it weird to call him by his first name." Hinata blinks at that, trying to remember if Daichi even had a family name. _I think there might be like, a ss sound, maybe?_ He scoffs loudly.

"Yeah, well you saved my life, so I think you've earned it. At least say it once." Suga sighs for a very impressive amount of time, then he's quiet as he starts walking more quickly.

"We're gonna be late for lunch, _Shouyou."_ Suga is still smiling, and now he is as well, until he tries to remember Suga-san's first name. Maybe it was Suga that had the ss sound.

They make it time for lunch, Suga carrying him the entire way, but everyone is staring at them as they burst through the doors where lunch is being held. "Uh-" Daichi starts, standing up like he's prepared to catch Suga from keeling over and dying. Hinata had offered, very quietly, that he could walk the rest of the way on his own, but Suga had insisted. _I saved your life, might as well make sure your safe._ Suga's breathing got really hard by the time they made it back to the gym, and Hinata was silently worried that his upperclassman might actually die.

As soon as they made it through the doorway, Suga dropped him onto the floor, then bent over, dripping sweat onto him as he panted. "Hinata- Suga- I- What?" Hinata wasn't sure if Daichi could be confused, and it was odd hearing him not complete sentences. He jumped up, letting Suga catch his breath and answered for them.

"Suga-san saved my life! And then he carried me all the way here!" He left out the parts where he met his new rival and a really scary guy with dark hair and chopper eyes.

"Good job, Suga!" Tanaka-senpai whooped, followed by Noya's, "You the man, Suga!" Suga-san took another long moment to catch his breath with Daichi rubbing at his back, eventually they all took their seats, asking questions about his their disappearance.

They have the rest of their afternoon practice inside, Coach Ukai giving an excuse about child safety, but all eyes had been turned onto him. He spluttered, offended, claimed that they couldn't treat a future ace this way but nobody was listening to him. Practice in the gym was still pretty cool, he asked -forced- Suga-san into giving him lessons in serving since Kageyama wouldn't. The older boy had laughed easily, but agreed, not that he had much of a choice. He asked Suga about jump serving, but the older boy just shrugged, told him to ask someone that could actually do it.

Hinata didn't ask, he just tried, he might have fallen on his face. Twice. But he had fun jumping from the back of the court, something different. Kageyama told him not to get used to it, he didn't mind the scathing remark, serving wasn't really his strong suit and he didn't really like it that much. He asked Kageyama to teach him, maybe have dug his nails into his arm to keep from adding anything else to his request. Stupid, idiot, moron. Kageyama blinked, face contorting into a frown like it always does, but he nodded eventually, a weird light in his eyes.

Kageyama didn't teach him how to jump serve, he said that that was for when he knew how to serve on the ground. Hinata insisted that his work was best done in the air, but Kageyama hit him in the face with a ball, then punched him. 

"How could this happen to me? The second little giant. I think my arm is broken. It could get infected and I could die without learning how to serve." He whines into the floor.His panic was interrupted by Ukai's voice, telling them to huddle up.

A jersey. Hinata Shouyou had a jersey, he was a part of the Karsuno team. He wasn't going to let anyone down!

"Wow! Noya-senpai, you look really cool! But why is your jersey different?" The older boy smirked at him.

"Of course I have a different jersey, I'm the most important." Hinata couldn't find an argument with that, but that didn't really answer _why._

"Liberos have to be noticeable." That made sense, he just didn't want Kageyama to answer it. Stupid Idiot.

"You got a number higher than me!" He accuses when he noticed Kagayama's jersey. Stupid not fair idiot. Kageyama opened his mouth to answer, the lines around his mouth telling Hinata that it was not going to be pleasant to his ears.

"I guess you don't remember that number, huh?" Daichi asked, suddenly in front of him, tall and smiling warmly. He shakes his head, looking down at his jersey because it was shiny it made him warm inside knowing that he belonged to an actual team.

"The Little Giant wore that number when Karasuno made it to the finals." Daichi explains, laughing at him when his head snapped up. The Little Giant wore this jersey. His breathing started to come out less evenly as he realized that. I'm wearing Little Giant's jersey. They're all counting on him. He's gonna be an ace.

He turned to Coach Ukai, who just stared at him, "Was this your thoughtful idea, Coach?" He asked, smiling brightly.

"No." Came the blunt response, but his spirits weren't dropped.

"Then it must be fate!" Like meeting Kenma. Meeting Kenma at the finals.

He had dreams of the finals that night, flashes off him on TV, standing where The Little Giant stood, spiking. Fighting his own battles in the air. He couldn't swim in his dreams long, Kageyama hitting him on the head made the images swim in his brain. They all stretched, their team was supposed to practice against Karsuno's old rival team today and everyone seemed more on edge, even Suga-san who was usually warm in the mornings had a small pout on his face. Hinata tried not to let the sour moods affect him, he had another team to crush!

The bus ride was long and slow, and Kageyama wouldn't stop bouncing his leg. The setters calls _him_  hyper-active. Stupid jerk. He couldn't help but wonder why everyone was being so quiet, even Tanaka and Noya were being stony and silent. Maybe the rival team is really scary. Or really tall. Or maybe they're all really short! What if they're aliens or ghost people. Hinata was contemplating on how ghosts would be able to spike or toss when the bus pulled to a stop, he could see the gym doors from the window but not inside. Creepy, he decides.

His attention is pulled away from the creepy building when Coach Ukai starts talking from the front of the bus, but his eyes were drawn to a line of red-clad people. The last one with black-blond hair made his heart stop. Kenma is on Karasuno's rival team! No wonder everyone is so nervous. He swallows hard, turned back to Coach Ukai was still talking about their behavior and how they could beat Nekoma if they acted like a team.

Nekoma.

The team name fit Kenma, golden eyes like a cat. Kuro too, his messy black hair almost look like a single cat ear, and his creepy gleaming eyes.

They filed out of the bus, silent still, and lined up in front of the Nekoma team. It felt oddly movie like, fluttering cherry blossoms and intense glares, people moving around them. It felt more similar to an action movie than two volleyball teams meeting. The moment lasted too long and he was glad when it was over.

"Kenma!" He called out as the black-blond boy turned to walk towards the gym doors, Kenma stopped in his tracks and turned around to face him. "Y-you're with Nekoma?" He asked, he knew it was true already, but it was odd that his new rival was also his team's rival. The older boy nodded, a quiet hum coming from his throat as he did so.

"Yeah." He admits finally.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Hinata whines, they could have been rivals much sooner!

"Because you didn't ask." Comes Kenma's blunt response, he pouts at that, it was true but he still could have said something.

"But you said 'see you soon' so you must have known something, right?" He didn't recall telling Kenma that he was on Karsuno. Or did he?

"Your t-shirt said Karasuno High School." Oh. He didn't think Kenma had been that observant, the older boy had barely looked at him. Strange. He thinks it's creepy, but also very interesting, he wonders what else Kenma had noticed about him. Is his left ear bigger than my right ear? Does he have a secret lazy eye? Is he slowly dying? He heard that there were cats that could smell dying people, wondered if it would be weird to ask Kenma to smell him.

He had just built up the nerve when someone interrupted him, "Hey Hey Hey!" Called out in broken English. Why is he saying hello three times? Hinata looks up from Kenma and spots the person who must have spoken, a guy with an _almost_ shaved head was glaring at him. Hinata blinked, felt his eyebrows raising very quickly. Is that by design? Is everyone in Tokyo so weird?

"Hello?" He offers the glaring man.

"What business do you have with our setter?" He was about to explain that Kenma was his rival and he was going to beat all of Nekoma.

"It's fine." Kenma stated, sounding exhausted from just standing. This is not fine. He looks like he might eat someone. Him, maybe.

Hinata tried to back away but collided with another body, please no more Nekoma, but looked up to find the glaring face of Tanaka-senpai. "What business do you have with our first year?" He growls out, changing out his menacing facial expression for a more frightening one.

"Wanna fight, City Boy?" He's not sure what to make of what's going on right now, Kenma looks more annoyed than confused. Thankfully the glaring match ends with Suga-san's appearance,

"We are going to _fight_ them, that's why were here. To play a match. And stop with the _city boy_ thing, it's really embarrassing." Hinata is pretty sure he can hear Tanaka-senpai's heart shattering, and he might have laughed, only a little. Suga-san winked at him. One problem down. Then another tall, friendly looking boy ended up beside Kenma.

"Yamamato, quick trying to pick fights. It makes you look stupid." Two problems down. Nice kill.

He sees Yamamato crying shortly after, Hinata is left very confused and decides to follow Kenma but is stopped by an arm around his shoulder. "How come you know that guy?" Kageyama asks, pointing towards the fleeting form of his new rival.

"That's Kenma." Kageyama looks down at him, stares silently. "He says he's Nekoma's setter." He's also his rival now, with really cool hair and a scary friend... friends. He's not sure what else there is to say about Kenma to Kageyama, but a glance up at his teammate tells him that he's said enough.

"Setter." Kageyama whispers sounding intense and slightly frightening. Hinata tries to duck out of Kageyama's grip, but it just tightens around his shoulder and then he's being dragged into the gym. The entrance is roomy and tidy, posters of Tokyo's volleyball teams cover the walls with vibrant colors. He couldn't really focus on that because his arm was starting to lose feeling.

"Eh- Kageyama?" He pauses, and Kageyama almost keeps walking.

"Setter." The taller boy echoes, then Hinata is being dragged into the biggest gym he's ever seen.

"The ceiling is so high!" He gapes, looking up into endless darkness and shiny rafters. It must be impossible to get a volleyball stuck up there. Kageyama led him to the rest of the team, all huddled up, discussing strategy. Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei walked to the other side of the gym, and started talking to an old guy in red. Creepy. The old man smiled lecherously at the two adults as they approached. Hinata shuddered. Kageyama released his shoulder and turned to the rest of the team, he follows as well, staring at Daichi who had half a smile on his face. This isn't going to be good.

"To be honest," Daichi started, We've all just met, we're awkward and cracked," Very inspiring, Captain Daichi. "But this is our first match as a team; We know nothing about Nekoma, nor the kind of walls we'll hit when playing them." Is this supposed to be inspiring?

Daichi stars at all of them at once, he wonders if that was a captain thing, then his smile blooms into a cocky smirk. "But running into a wall gives us the chance to jump over it." His knees tingle with the use of  _that_ word.

Despite the bad speech, Hinata was feeling pretty inspired, maybe it wasn't a bad speech then.

"Karasuno!" Daichi bellows out, making Hinata wonder if Daichi had ever considered a career in being on the radio. "Fight!" He calls out, then everyone erupts after him, raising their arms, giving flight to a giant bird.

"Fight!" They all yell, and judging by the looks on their faces they had forgotten all about the less than inspiring speech. He glances over at the Nekoma team, all of them running into their positions, except for Kenma who was talking with his creepy-looking friend. Kuro,he remembers.

He was very, very ready to take down his new rival, had pumped himself up until he was shaking with excitement.

"Do you have to go to the bathroom, Hinata?" Daichi asked, he'd never wanted to actually fight someone before.

"No! I'm just ready to win!"

Daichi laughs, "You're not nervous are you?" He stills, asks himself if he was actually nervous. Oh god.He sighs out loudly, hoping that some deep breathing would ease his new-found panic. Why did he have to ask that?

"Now I am." He groans back, but Daichi just slaps him on the back.

"It'll be fine, Hinata." He knew that, of course he did. Why wouldn't it not be fine?

Daichi eases him in front of the net, across from an almost friendly looking member of Nekoma. He wondered if people on their team made cat noises, or if they were actually cats in disguise as people.

"Woah! S-short." Hinata was ready to jump across the net and fight this stupid looking jerk.

"Don't underestimate me!" He shouts instead, crossing his arms to prevent him from wringing this guy's stupid neck. _Stupid Tokyo and their stupid cat-people._

"Oh, I'm not!" The guy chirps.

Hinata's brain pauses, "R-really?" Taking in the guy's half-friendly smile, the boy nods sharply.

The game was set into motion with a surge of confidence. 


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

Each of the sets drag on, deuce after deuce, they trade sets but they never manage to beat Nekoma. Not even once. He begged for rematch after rematch, hoping that the first loss was just a fluke, then hoped that Nekoma would just tire out and they'd be able to win. He feels like screaming and crying when they lose a fourth time, Daichi pulls him back before he can ask for another rematch. "We have to get home soon, Hinata- there's school tomorrow!" His captain sounds more like he's begging than telling him. Hinata relents, and nods.

They shake hands with Nekoma, the stupid guy who called him short told him that he played well, but he just nodded. "You played great too, your spike was like _pwaah!"_ He returned, the guy smiled brightly and tried to hug him. Hinata let it happen, feeling slightly uncomfortable, hard to breathe properly when his spine was being crushed by oddly strong arms. Kenma gave him a sympathetic look, he offered the older boy a smile then left the gym.

 _Rivals or not, I didn't expect to lose._ Kageyama looked disappointed as well, more so than usual, but Hinata just patted him on the back and told that they'd win next time. Kageyama didn't reply. Their teams lined up again, but he's too ashamed to look at anyone, except Kenma. He marches up to the older boy, Kenma looks away from him, Hinata extends his hand. Dark eyebrows rise with Kenma's gaze, golden eyes capturing him, looking surprisingly lively despite endless hours of playing. He hands Kenma a piece of paper with his number on it, and a rather crude drawing of a cat being hit with a volleyball.

The older boy stares at it for a long time, then looks back up at him, Hinata smiles, Kenma's lips squirm like he's fighting one himself. "See you around, Shouyou." Hinata is pretty sure that it's a tease now, their coaches hadn't organized another practice match so seeing Kenma _soon_ was unlikely, even if he really wanted to learn more about the older boy. _My rival is an interesting one, that's for sure._

He regrets just not asking Kenma for his number when the other boy doesn't text by the time their bus is moving. He falls asleep on the bus, wondering what Kenma would be like as a teammate and if he liked strawberry milk or green tea more. They're stupid questions, he knows that, but something about Kenma draws his attention. Kageyama had done the same thing, but the setter had a reputation, _King of The Court. Black hair and intimidating presence._ Kenma couldn't be more different than Kageyama, or Suga, or anyone he's ever met. _Maybe Tokyo people are just interesting in general._ Most of the Nekoma team was interesting to look at, Yamamato had a mohawk, which was pretty cool. Their captain had messy, spiky hair and scary eyes. He can't really think of anyone in Tokyo he knows that doesn't play volleyball.

 _Maybe it's the way he plays._ There was nothing special about Kenma's spiking or receiving, but he was smart. _Smarter than Tsukishima even._ It was a different kind of genius compared to Kageyama, but it was overwhelming and drew him in. _Kenma would be a cool senpai_ , he decides as the bus pulls in front of their school.

He tells his little sister about about Kenma and the Nekoma team during dinner, their mother sleeps through dinner, like she always does on Sundays. He likes the way Natsu's eyes light up when she hears about volleyball, he reminded her to drink her milk so she could be a good middle blocker. It didn't seem like a bad thing to say at the time, but when he was brushing his teeth his little sister bursts into the bathroom, knocking the door into him, but she doesn't apologize, just stares down at him.

He's about to reprimand her, but he falters when he sees that Natsu has their carton of milk against her lips and some of it is dripping down her cheek. Hinata laughs so hard he hits his head on the floor, she drains the entire thing and screams at him, "One more!" He blinks, toothpaste dripping from his chin like milk is from hers, then smiles. "Shouyou, have you seen- What the-?" He jumps up, stares into the sink like he hasn't seen anything. "Miss Sato, I'm gonna be a middle blocker!" His little sister roars. _Why does this happen to me._ He makes a point to extend brushing his teeth for as long as possible, "Shouyou?" Sato asks once he's brushing his tongue for the third time.

He spits into the drain and turns back to their caretaker, "H-Yes, Sato-san?" He chirps, then looks at Natsu positioned on their caretaker's hip, "Oh, Natsu, what happened to your face?" He asks, feigning confusion. "Middle Blocker!" She squeaks, spiking at Sato's loose hair. Sato sighs, turning blue-grey eyes onto him, "You know, somehow she got the idea to drink the entire carton of milk, any idea how that happened?" Hinata is pretty sure that Sato is fighting a smirk, their caretaker always liked to watch him squirm. He fidgeting under her heavy gaze, "No idea." He squeaked, turning back to the sink, Sato made an odd noise but he saw the black-haired woman leave with a screaming Natsu.

 _I didn't mean all at once, Natsu._ He wondered how much taller Natsu would get from that carton alone, or if she would just throw it all up. _Wasteful._ Hinata snickered all the way back to his bed, and pulled on a sweatshirt and tugged off his training shorts. There were no messages on his phone when he went to plug it in. He wondered if the older boy had even kept his number. _Probably not._ Shoving his head under his pillow, he promised not to think about it.

Hinata thought it about until he fell asleep, wondering why Kenma wouldn't text him, the older boy had his phone in his hand the entire time when they had first met. _Maybe he's just intimidated by a future ace._ He carried that hope all the way to school, skipping breakfast because he didn't want eggs on his face when Kenma texted him, it died as he locked his bike to the rack in front of the school. Morning practice would take his mind off of it, he was sure of it. He tugged off his school uniform in the safety of the club room and changed into his jersey and shorts. Kageyama showed up as he was putting his uniform away, the setter's hair was a mess and Hinata was pretty sure he could smell Kageyama from the door. "Rough night?" He asked, because Kageyama had never been more than a step behind him when it came to getting to the gym for practice.

Kageyama didn't answer him, but he did walk into the room and start changing, a little violently for his taste, but Kageyama had always been a tad _intense,_ in most of the things he did. He checked his phone as he waited for the other boy to finish changing, he decided to text Tanaka-senpai after he _didn't_ notice there was still no text from Kenma.

**I heard there was a sale on pork buns this morning, senpai**

There wasn't actually a sale on anything today, not that Tanaka-senpai needed to know that. Kageyama was pulling on his jersey when he got a reply.

**Tanaka-Senpai: Awesome tip hinata! I bring some for my kouhai!**

Hinata _almost_ felt bad about tricking his upperclassman, but Tanaka was an easy to please guy, a certain honorific usually has him doing anything reasonable, along with a mention of Kiyoko-san, but he would reserve the latter for special occasions, like when he needed to be carried places because he was too tired to keep walking. _Kiyoko-san said she liked strong guys, Tanaka-senpai._

Asahi walked in with Suga-san followed by Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, he wondered where his other favorite senpai could be. "Good morning, Hinata-kun, Kagayama-kun." He blinked at that, Suga-san had used his given name yesterday and now he was using a honorifics with both of them. "Uh- Good morning, Suga-senpai?" He offered after Kageyama's mumbled response. Suga smirked at him, then started undressing quickly, "A sale, huh?" The older boy smirked.

 _How did he do that so quickly?_ He gaped at Suga for a long moment, his cheeks and ears heating up rapidly. "N-What? How did you-?" Asahi snickered from beside Kagyama, "I heard a pretty interesting rumor from Noya, and I just spread the good word to my teammate." Asahi's cheeks were flushed but offered him a smile. "You really shouldn't manipulate people like that, Hinata." Suga said seriously, tugging on his jersey, "Even if it is Tanaka." He added as his collar settled around his neck. Hinata had the decency to look slightly ashamed, more so at getting caught than anything. "Sorry, Suga-senpai, it won't happen again. Promise!" Suga didn't look convinced, but offered him a high-five as they left the club room, Kageyama trailing behind them silently. It felt unusual, even when it shouldn't.

He's still in a good mood by the time lunch rolls around, memories of Tanaka-senpai busting into the gym with an greasy bag and an empty wallet still fresh in his mind. He's not even paying attention when his phone beeps on his desk, but it does draw him out of fit of laughter that has most of his classmates staring at him. He doesn't have lunch today, mostly the reason he asked Tanaka-senpai for breakfast, and is content with running spike patterns in his head.

His phone beeps again.

There are two messages from two different numbers that he doesn't recognize, he wonders if Tanaka-senpai is sending some of his classmates briefly to come murder him, but dismisses that thought after a moment of consideration, _Tanaka-senpai would never kill me... on purpose anyway._ He flicks his phone open wondering if there are precautions he should be taking to avoid accidental death from his senpai.

 **Kenma: What is your drawing supposed to be?** and

 **Better luck next time, chibi-chan!** from an unknown number

He thinks he knows who the first one is from, but there are too many people that call him by that stupid nickname to be certain, including Grand King. Huffing, he replies to the first message and deletes the second.

**It's a cat getting hit in the face with a volleyball**

He was pretty sure his drawing wasn't _that_ bad.

**Kenma: Have you thought about taking art classes?**

So Kenma could make a joke, _stupid jerk,_ Hinataalmost drops his phone when it beeps again, turns it onto vibrate after the teacher glares at him around a rice cake, he smiles awkwardly and the teacher just continues to glare. _Stupid Jerk._

 **Don't ignore me it's very rude.** From the same unknown number. So is texting without telling anyone who you are,He deletes that message as well.

**No I draw just fine Kenma**

**Kenma: Kuroo wants to know why you're ignoring him.**

**Kuroo?** He was pretty sure that Kenma's friend was named Kuro, maybe they knew each other.

 **How could you forget about me? I'm just so amazing, and the captain of a volleyball team** The unknown number says, Hinata snorts loudly at that, Kuroo was an odd one, must less intimidating over the phone than in person, that was for sure.

 **I didn't know who it was** He isn't sure how to respond to Kuroo, it would be rude to not respond, as the captain he could _probably_ make it so their teams had less games together, which meant less chances to beat Kenma.

 **Sorry, Kuroo-san, I didn't know who it was.** He doesn't think he's ever texted so formally in his entire life, but anything to beat his rival as much as possible. Kenma didn't respond to his text, he figured that their lunch must have ended. _Do people in Tokyo even eat lunch?_ Kenma and Kuroo both looked rather thin.

 **I forgive you because you're cute.** The previously unknown number says.

He drops the phone, it lands in his lap and it stays there until all of his classes are over. _I think I should be freaked out. Should I call the police? Is he going to steal my face and wear it?_ His English teacher asks him if he has Asthma when the final bell rings. Hinata admits, very loudly, that he has no idea what that is and shoves his phone into the bottom of his school bag before rushing out of the classroom and towards the gym.

Daichi and Suga-san are already at the door, with the former unlocking it, Hinata darts up the last few steps and tries to act normal. "Is something the matter, Hinata?" Suga asks, pushing Daichi away so he can unlock the door instead, Daichi turns to him as he's pushed away from the knob. "You're looking a little squeamish." Hinata huffs loudly, "I'm not cute!" He bellows, punching the wall next to the club door.

 _I'm going to die here._ Is his first thought, which is rudely interrupted by Daichi and Suga calling out his name in unison, then they're crowing over him. "I'm fine." He hisses, body bending over so he can cradle his throbbing fist. "Hinata-" Kageyama sounds shocked, _I guess I did just punch a wall for no reason._ He'd like to state that there was a reason, but the throbbing in his knuckles is preventing him from doing so.

"I'm fine, Kageyama." He strains out eventually, holding back more claims of not being cute and how he'd murder Kuroo for making his hand hurt. The door is opened quickly and he scurries inside, "Are you sure it's a good idea to practice? You did just punch a wall- which needs an explanation by the way." His captain proclaims, now standing over him. "No reason." He squeaks out, which is the story that he's going with.

"You said something about being cute?" Hinata's fists clench, it clearly doesn't escape Daichi's notice, the older boy grins down at him. "Is she cute, Hinata?" He thinks it's rather presumptuous of Daichi to assume it's a girl, he doesn't think anyone has called him cute for at least ten years. _I feel old._ He curses Kuroo silently in his head for making him feel old. "It's nothing, just uh- Very excited to practice." Daichi's face clears of emotion as he blinks.

"Right." Daichi states in a way that makes it sound more like _not right,_ but Hinata ignores it in favor of peeling off his school clothes. The other boys follow suit, everything is quiet until Tanaka-senpai shows up, his face contorted in almost rage, with a snickering Noya-senpai on his tail. "You tricked me!" He wails, not for the first time that day, then he's grabbing Hinata by the neck and rubbing his knuckles all over it. _My poor brain._ Eventually the brute is pulled off of him by a yelling Daichi, and he can finish getting dressed.

Noya-senpai fist-bumps him when Tanaka isn't looking.

Kageyama leads him to the gym, very insistent that they finish their serving lesson. It's not fun, but he gets why Kageyama likes doing it so much. It's like spiking, but with no pressure from anyone but yourself. He notices that the setter's voice is more lively when he's talking about serving, almost like Kageyama isn't setter robot Hinata thought he was. Kageyama's intense stares do nothing to disprove his theory, they only get worse the longer they practice. Eventually they turn into glares and scowls when he misses one, but he likes to think he's getting a little better after each hit. Kageyama still refuses to teach him how to jump serve, growls out the same speech he used the last time he asked for help.

They practice well into the night, but Kageyama gives up on teaching him on to serve, Hinata isn't even sure why he offered if he was just going to give up, he has too much self-preservation instinct to actually accuse Kageyama of giving up, but that doesn't stop him from glaring at the other boy while he practices receiving with his favorite senpais.

"Pre-lims start in a month!" Ukai bellows once practice is over, Hinata isn't sure that giving a speech when everyone is covered in sweat and tired is the best thing to do, but he doesn't say anything, just listens as his coach starts talking about each team, _The Iron Wall,_ is their most likely candidate for their first match. He kind of likes the nickname, it's cool and rolls off the tongue. _I wonder when our team will get a cool nickname, Hinata the ace and friends- or The Crow Wall._ He reminds himself to write those down later, they were pretty good. Ukai talks about a specific player from The Iron Wall, _Aone,_ he tries imagining what kind of guy would have that name. _He's probably really tall like Tsukishima, and maybe scary like Kageyama... or maybe he's really nice, but super cool on the court._

Ukai talks about Shiratorizawa next, a powerhouse school with a really scary looking ace named Ushiwaka. Kageyama had told him that Grand King's team had lost to Shiratorizawa, he never thought that Grand King could actually lose, it was weird to think about. Wondered what Grand King would look like when that final whistle went off and his team didn't score the final point. _I'll find out soon,_ he promises to himself. Trying to pay attention to Ukai's speech, but it's very difficult when his muscles are feeling this relaxed.

"Weak or strong, they're all aiming to win, don't forget that." Hinata doesn't need a reminder, but it's kind of eye-opening in a way. _All these strong teams are practicing just as hard as we are._ He frowns at that, _I'll beat them no matter how strong they are._ Takeda-sensei chooses to break his concentration by falling into the room suddenly, he winces at the sound, but the older man is smiling brightly. "I'm so glad you're all still here! I got the pre-lim bracket!" He chirps, waving a piece of paper towards them.

Hinata is kind of disappointed that they wont be facing The Iron Wall right away, they have to face a different team, one he's never heard of. "I promise that we'll win!" Daichi shouts suddenly, and Hinata jerks back, not expecting his captain to be the one that starts yelling for no reason. A murmur of agreement crashes through all of them, _Daichi is always right._ Hinata leaves the gym with Kageyama, and he changes back into his uniform quietly, wondering if he'll see Kenma in the pre-lims, if they'll go all the way to nationals so that Karasuno can beat them in front of all of Japan.

He's stopped from leaving by Suga, who hands him a piece of paper, hand signs and curved lines all over it. "Uh-?" He asks quietly, tilting his head slightly wondering if it's actually art he's supposed to be looking at. "I'm not as accurate as Kageyama." The older boy admits, then continues talking before Hinata can mention that _nobody_ is as accurate as Kageyama, "So, I have signals that'll tell you what play I'll be doing next." The hand signs make a little more sense. He looks up at Suga, then hugs the silver haired boy quickly, "That's so awesome, Suga-san, and you hand drawing is awesome!" He chirps, and the older boy laughs softly; Hinata tries not to think about drawing and stupid texts. "Well, we should practice them soon, or we'll never be able to use them in a game."

"Right!" He yells, then he's being pushed out of the club room along with Kageyama, "I'll spike any toss you give me!" He calls back, ignoring the insistent hand on his back. Suga laughs, walks them down the stairs and then disappears. He's left wondering if Suga is a vampire, or at least a magician. Kageyama waits for him to unlock his bike, but Hinata isn't sure if it's because Kageyama is actually waiting or just thinking so hard he stops walking.

They speak quietly on their shared path, Kageyama asks about his serving, Hinata glares at him. He asks Kageyama how learning to be human is going, Kageyama smacks his head. They're quiet after that, his bike announces each of their steps with tiny clicks until they're at their last street together. "Good night, Kageyama." He extends, Kageyama offers him a wave as he turns right. Hinata turns left, starts walking his bike up the steep hill, he wonders if there's more milk in the house.

There isn't any milk, Natsu asks for more volleyball stories while she helps Sato with making dinner. "That's too much water, Natsu." Sato informs as she takes the measuring cup from Natsu's hands, "It's two hundred grams for every one hundred grams of rice." He smiled to himself at that, Natsu was getting really good at math, something he'd always hated doing; Hinata isn't sure how he feels about his little sister knowing how to make rice when he doesn't. Natsu seems happy enough to brag about it, so he'll give her this one, he's actually still shocked that she somehow consumed all of their milk in one go. He shudders at the thought of his _baby_ sister being taller than him.

Dinner is quiet, except for Natsu who's bubbly and practically vibrating the table. "How was practice, Shouyou?" She asks for the third time since he's been home. He can't help the smile that forms when Natsu tries to give him puppy-dog eyes, "Well, Kageyama tried-" Natsu interrupted with, "Big brother, big brother, Kageyama is your rival, right?" He nods, opens his mouth to recount the tale, but Natsu is speaking again, "Big brother, big brother, when will I get my rival?" Hinata shrugs idly, "That's up to you, Natsu, maybe when you're taller." He mumbles into his soup, Natsu's face turns pink at that, "Big brother, when are you going to get taller? " He flinches at that, wonders if it would be inappropriate to offer to fight his little sister.

Natsu helps him clean the dishes, he washes and she dries, she asks about Kageyama, wondering she'll get to meet him and if he has a little sister she can beat up. Hinata wonders for the first time if he's actually a good influence on his sister. He promises to himself that he'd be the best big brother ever from now on, starting by buying her as much milk as she could want. _I wonder if Kageyama buys his milk in bulk..._

He helps Natsu get ready to bed, trying not to get heartbroken when Natsu called him a terrible big brother for not letting her watch TV. He offered her a hug instead as they brushed their teeth, Natsu spit on him. _What did I do to deserve this?_ Natsu insists that Sato tucks her in and reads are a story, he's almost relieved to see her go as he rubs toothpaste and spit from his school pants.

The sweatshirt from last night is pulled on after his uniform is tossed onto the floor, he pulls his phone out of his pants and stares at it. _I'm not cute, stupid idiot._ He deletes Kuroo's text as confirmation of his non-cuteness and he wants to text Kenma, but he can't find anything to say for a long time.

**Have you played against The Iron Wall?**


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

**"Yes."** Is Kenma's reply sometime during the night. _D_ _o people in Tokyo not have to sleep?_ Hinata is certain that Kenma could give him similar information that his team could give, but he didn't want to risk making Asahi cry, he had looked pretty close when he talked them before. _Besides,_ he thought, _what else would we talk about if not volleyball._ He doesn't respond to Kenma's message, not right away, Kenma probably wouldn't read it right away, anyway.

Hinata grabbed his uniform from the floor and tugged on the wrinkled clothes. _I should probably ask for another uniform._ Brushing his teeth, he decides to wait to see if Kenma is going to offer information freely, if the other boy doesn't message him by lunch, then he'd pry for something. "Big brother! Time for breakfast!" Natsu squeaks as she rams her body into the half closed door, he dodges the swinging block of wood and stares down at the messy hair of his little sister.

"Is it?" He asks as always, sounding as warm and fond as he can through a mouth full of toothpaste and bristles. She nods, hopping from foot to foot like she's ready to race, "Eat your rice, Shouyou!" She chirps, mimicking the words that their caretaker does every morning. He doesn't really like rice, it's always crusty and it makes him tired, Sato doesn't believe that someone native to Japan could be allergic to rice. His stomach would beg to differ, he offers Natsu a foamy smile. "I'll be right there, Natsu." She nods, darting out of the doorway like she's on a mission.

Sato stares at his wrinkled uniform in distaste, he shrugs and offers her an awkward smile, if he knew how to de-wrinkle his clothes he would heavily consider it, but she refused to teach him, so it wasn't really his fault. "Eat your rice, Shouyou." Sato says with Natsu mimicking a word late. Hinata nods, not even trying to hide the malcontent expression that cross his face as he sits alone on one end of their table. Natsu and Sato stare at him until he picks up his spoon, then it's just Sato.

Eating Sato's rice is kind of like swallowing chalk and rocks, a similar taste too, she insists that they're all eating the same thing and that it's in his head. He's not sure how his head makes his tongue dry but she had stopped acknowledging his complaints for years. Hinata shoveled into his mouth, ignoring the scowl and giggle from Sato and Natsu respectively. He grimaced as he attempted to swallow the gravelly substance, then drained his glass of water. Sato didn't allow him to leave until he finished his eggs, and he nodded, counting all the missed moments he could be using for practice as he shoveled the last of his breakfast into his mouth.

The sleepiness set in as he was riding down the hill, his eyes attempting to shut as he raced down the slope. Hinata was pretty sure that Sato, or the rice god, was trying to make him crash one day. Kageyama arrived at the school gates at the same time he did, looking much more cleaned up than he had the day before. The other boy stared at him as he locked up his bike. Hinata stared back. They shared a long, tense look then nodded.

Hinata cursed Kageyama's stupid legs, longer than his, but he managed like he always did. By screaming and giving his all into his sprint. He won barely, tallied it up in his head as he taunted the taller boy. "You're losing your touch, Kageyama; that's two days in a row!" Kageyema took a swipe at his head, but his contented smile didn't falter despite the throbbing in his skull. Tanaka-senpai unlocked the club room, giving him a dirty look as they walked past him. "Good morning, Tanaka-senpai." He offered, stressing the honorific as much as possible.

The older boy's lips squirmed, like he was fighting a smile, but his glare hardened slightly. "Hinata-san." Was mumbled at him, and he snorted, not sure he could recall a moment where Tanaka had ever used an honorific with him. It looked like Tanaka was feeling just as awkward as he felt, but didn't say anything more as they changed into their practice clothes. Kageyama told him that that he should practice recovering, it kind of made sense, being able to stop a failed spike from hitting the ground would be useful against The Iron Wall; Tanaka-senpai offered to block for them, Hinata isn't sure that's a great idea, especially with the grudge his upperclassman is holding.

"Oh, but I insist, can't have my _wonderful_ kouhai going unprepared, right, Kageyama?" Kagayama just looked confused, Hinata isn't sure why he's surprised when the other boy just nods slowly, then _thanks_ him. He's not sure that he's going to survive morning practice, definitely not until the game this afternoon.

Everything moves much faster than he does, he can't help but notice this when all of Kageyama's tosses seem to blur in front of him. He blames it on the rice, he usually skips breakfast because of this _issue,_ but he easily compensates by imagining where the ball will go before it comes in contact with Kageyama or Tanaka. It's straining, but he eventually manages to recover two blocks before the rest of the team shows up. Hinata shares greetings with most of them, except Tsukishima who just glares at him until he walks away. _Stupid jerk._

They rotate around the net after that, each of them trying diving after blocked balls until the bell rings. His shoulder thanks him silently and it throbs all the way to class, Kageyama seems to be having a similar issue, but doesn't say anything until they take their seats. He wonders if Kageyama is nervous about today's games, he's only seen a few emotions out of the other boy, but he's certain that Kageyama is at least _excited_ for this afternoon, even if his scowl says otherwise.

Kageyama shows up at his desk for lunch, something that's been happening more often as they've _grown closer as teammates,_ he offers the taller boy half a smile as he digs his phone from his bag. He forgot to ask for lunch again, and now there was no Tanaka to trick. He briefly wondered if Noya-senpai would be as easy to mess with, but dismissed it since it was him that had been the first that Tanaka had complained to. Maybe he could just borrow money from Kageyama when he went to get more milk. He shuddered at the thought of milk briefly but brushes Natsu's face from his mind. He had a setter to text.

 **"What were they like"** Hinata sends it before he can think of anything else to say, the phone is placed in the middle of his desk, between Kageyama's bento and his closed Modern Literature book, he's pretty sure that's the right book for this class. Kageyama stares at the device between them, openly curious but his mouth is full of seaweed and rice. _Kageyama chews weird,_ he can't help but notice as he looks between his phone and his teammate. He tries not to sigh in relief when his screen lights up and he can look away from Kageyama's weird mouth.

 **"Wallish."** He's pretty sure that's not a word, but Kenma looks pretty smart. "Is wallish a word, Kageyama?" He asks for little reason, because he's pretty sure that he knows more words than Kageyama does. The other boy shrugs, a grain of rice falls from his lips as he frowns in thought. Hinata is only mildly disgusted, almost used to Kageyama's gross nature.

 **"Is that a word"** He wonders if Aone would describe himself as wallish, or more brutish, or maybe mountainish. _That one is definitely not a word._ His phone lights up from where it'd gone dark in his hand, Kageyama is staring at it.

 **"Probably not."** _Kenma isn't helpful at all._ He tries not to pout about it, they'd find out when they played them that afternoon, but he'd like to know if there was a secret Nekoma strategy they used to beat them, or if they got beat at all. _Probably. So it could be a word._ He'd ask Noya on the bus, the older boy was pretty good with words too, mostly about their manager. Hinata isn't sure how to respond to the text, worried if he pries too much that Kenma will just ignore him, or get mad at him. _Even if it would be interesting to make Kenma mad._ He wasn't going to risk it, almost didn't notice his phone lighting up again, but it wasn't from Kenma. The unsaved number he recognized as Kuroo's; on a whim, he tries to come up with a cool nickname to save the number as. Flashes of too white teeth and chopper eyes are his only keepsakes.  _Model Boy._ He decides, instead of toothpaste boy. 

 **"They're pretty strong, but as strong as us. Later, shrimpy!"** He's not sure what to make of any of the text glowing before his eyes, angry at the nickname, grateful for the information, or paranoid because somehow Kuroo knew about what he was asking Kenma. His stomach lurches uncomfortably as it decides to feel all three at once.

 **"Sorry about him."** Comes from Kenma, but he's pretty sure that Kenma isn't the apologizing type, half a formality on Kuroo's behalf. Hinata can't quite imagine either boy apologizing out loud, at least not while actually sounding sorry. Kenma's flat voice would make the sentiment almost sarcastic, and he wonders all over again if Tsukishima has any family in Tokyo.

Each of his replies are deleted, he has no idea how to talk to Kenma, or Kuroo for that matter. They're both new and strange, and somewhat inviting; they fulfill something that Kageyama can't offer because Kageyama barely knows how to talk, let alone text. He looks up at the setter in question, who's eating his final rice ball, and staring at him oddly. "You didn't eat." The taller boy says once their eyes catch. Hinata nods, he's aware of that but he's not particularly hungry anyway, eating rice usual ruins his appetite and watching Kageyama eat it is having the same affect.

"I'll get something later." He's not sure if he just lied, they'd probably get some meat buns to celebrate their upcoming victory, but Kageyama doesn't look that concerned and just leaves his desk without another word. He shrugs to nobody, and opens his Modern Literature book to at least pretend he's paying attention.

Mister Satomi glares at him over a thick pair of glasses, Hinata pretends not to notice. "Hinata!" The old man barks, sending disgusting amount of spittle into his unkempt chin hair. Hinata flinches while the rest of the class giggle and whisper behind their hands. "If you're going to text in my class, the least you could have hid it behind the right book." He ignores the way his face heats up in embarrassment and bows over his desk, mumbling a formal apology while he digs under his desk for the right textbook.

 _Idiot could have at least told me we were in math..._ He sends Kageyama a glare as he pulls out the right book, depositing his cell phone into his bag. Kenma could wait until break, Kuroo could wait forever. "Much better, isn't it?" Satomi cooed superciliously, more spittle flying through his leering lips. He rolled his eyes while suppressing a gag, but nodded with another apology, this one emitting out of grinding teeth and an unwilling tongue. _Stupid jerk._ He wondered if he'd get suspended or expelled for asking the mathematics teacher if he'd like to fight, but did he really want to risk getting spit on his fists if he managed to punch the teacher. Letting out a big sigh, he decided that it wasn't worth it, Daichi would probably murder him for getting kicked off the team right before a big game.

_If Kageyama doesn't do it first._

Mister Satomi sends him a dark look, strokes his facial hair, spreading the spit around that has Hinata biting his hand to keep from laughing and then turns back to the blackboard behind him. He buries his head into his arms, he can feel his body shaking as he tries to stifle the undeniable urge giggle maniacally. It takes a while before he can safely remove his hand from his mouth, but the times comes eventually and he rests his head on the bruised appendage, staring blankly at the wall in front of him.

He spends the time between classes with his phone open, trying to decide how or if he should respond. Kenma had given him some information, even if was through Kuroo, and he should probably thank the older boy. _Nekoma beat them, but-_ He's not sure what but could exist, Asahi had seemed really uncomfortable at the mention of it while Kuroo almost bragged about beating them. _It was going to be a hard game._ They did have another game before they had to face The Iron Wall, if the other team even made it to the second round, but something about the name was more interesting than the first team they were going to play against.

 _I promise we'll win._ Daichi's words seemed oddly confident, he had never promised anything to them before. _Odd. Maybe Daichi knows that team?_ But his captain hadn't given any indication other than an unwavering confidence that they'd achieve victory. He tried not to dwell on it.

 **"Thank you."** He sends to Kenma as he's unbuttoning his school jacket, he doesn't expect Kenma to respond right away so the phone is pushed into his gym bag along with his discarded uniform. Kageyama climbs onto the bus before him, still silent, Hinata is starting to think that Kageyama's nervousness comes in the form of harder scowls and a set lip. He kind of likes it like that, Kageyama doesn't yell obscene words at Tsukishima when the blond teen taunts him.

Kageyama pushes him into a seat he hadn't planned on taking, but he goes along with it in case Kageyama wanted to actually speak. He somehow doubted that when the other boy remained silent as the bus pulled onto the road. The appearance of Noya-senpai's face from the seat in front of him pulls him out of his contemplation of Kageyama's silence, they share a smile before the older boy speaks. "Are you nervous, Shouyou?" He asks before wincing. "Don't ask him that." Comes a harsh whisper of Tanaka-senpai.

He suppresses a snort, _at least he's not ignoring me,_ he pulls his smile back up for the older boy in front of him. "I'm feeling awesome! I think Kageyama is more nervous than me." He jeers, earning him a sharp bark from the boy in front of him and a sharp elbow from the one beside him. He glances over at Kageyama, offers him his mos encouraging expression because Kageyama was as bad at listening as he was speaking. Kageyama remains silent, but his glare softens minutely. It's something he wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't been on a team with Kageyama for as long as he has been. That makes his smile a little easier to handle.

"Daichi promised that we'll win, so you just gotta play your best." Kageyama jerks back like he was the one that had been stabbed in the chest, his face blanks up and Hinata is scared that he said the wrong thing for a moment. There's a weird quivering in Kageyama's lips, as they pull up into almost a smile, Noya gasps dramatically and starts tapping Tanaka on the head. "Kageyama is smiling!" The older boy squawks, drawing the attention of most of the bus.

The smile, falls almost immediately, as his attention is pulled away. "I think you're seeing things." Tsukishima taunts from across the bus, Kageyama scowl deepens, making ugly creases on his face. "You're not scared, are you, King?" The blond demands when his sarcasm is met with little scrutiny. Kageyama's scowl turns into a glare, like he could murder the boy across from them. "Don't call him that." Hinata insists quietly, not wanting to get between the two boys but also wanting to defend his setter.

"Tsukishima, don't start trouble." Daichi calls from in front of them, but the captain is nowhere to be seen. Tsukishima's cocky smile turns into a leering frown at that, but he turns away from them in silence. He gets pulled into a conversation with Noya and Tanaka, but he can't help but notice how Tanaka never directly speaks to him. He almost laughs at the childish behavior coming from the older boy, but he still feels kind of bad for tricking his upperclassman, even if it was really funny.

He decides to ask Kenma what team they're playing against, but Kuroo's unsaved number texts him back instead, he doesn't read it before he deletes it. Deciding he'd rather not know unless Kenma told him. _I'm not cute._ He _doesn't_ pout all the way to the gym, and Noya-senpai won't convince him otherwise.

Ukai makes another terrible speech once the bus stops, Takeda-sensei covers that up quickly with his interjecting speech, and another promise of victory has most of the team in good spirits as they step off of their transport. He's still not sure what team they're playing against, the name of the school is one he's never heard of, Daichi said it's a small school not that far away from Karasuno, but he has a hard time believing that. He grabs onto his captain's jacket, pressing for more information about this unknown team, asking if they have a really cool nickname or a really scary setter.

Daichi has no idea about team specifics, but he smiles easily as he admits that he does have a friend that goes to that school. Hinata asks about the friend, but Daichi says they haven't been keeping in contact with him. He thinks that's kind of sad, but doesn't have time to dwell as Daichi's jacket leads him through the gym doors. He wonders if Daichi will drop all of them when he graduates, or if they'll all be friends forever, he still has _some_ faith that Tsukishima will be less of a jerk by the time they're all third years.

The gym is loud with whispering volleyball players, and he's pretty sure that everyone's eyes are on them. It makes his spine tingle uncomfortable and he walks a little closer to his captain; Daichi just looks down at him and offers a small smile before pulling him in by his shoulders. Walking is a little awkward, but it helps him ignore all of the comments of _fallen powerhouse_ and _flightless crows._ He's pretty sure he can hear Daichi's eyes roll, but refrains from commenting.

He notices that Tanaka-senpai doesn't let any of the comments slide, offering glares and challenging at least six people a fight. Hinata wonders if he'll ever have the confidence or strength to offer fights to random people without height and strength mattering. It's something he really admires about his upperclassman, but he can easily pick up on how it annoys their captain. The smell of the gym calms his racing heart, it allows him to ignore all the insults about their school. They're about to walk into the epicenter of the competition when their team ends up blocked by the tallest people he's ever seen in his entire life.

Hinata tries reading one of the shifting tracksuits from over Daichi's hip, _Dakekou- Datekou..._ "The Iron Wall." He gasps quietly, and all the white tracksuits turn swiftly, facing them. He's pretty sure that a hallway should not be this intense, the silence rings uncomfortably in his ears as their teams stare at each other. He glances at each of them, wondering which one of them is Aone, none of them look especially Aone-ish, all of them are tall and broad and scary looking. _That guy has white hair, what if he's an old man trying to kill volleyball players?_

Paranoid theories start to take over his train of thought as he stares at the big, silent guy with white hair. _Why is it white? Is he secretly sixty-five with a basement full of organs._ He flicks his eyes away from the creepy guy as unsettling dark eyes land on him, they don't gleam like Kuroo's did, but that possibly makes them more creepy. He can't decide. _Why doesn't he have eyebrows? Did someone rip them off when he was trying to kidnpa them?_ The smell of the gym is forgotten as he tries to analyze the taller man, he's pretty sure he's not breathing at all when the guy raises his big arm, pointing right at them. At Asahi, he realizes as he follows the thick appendage. _Does he recognize Asahi from before?_

Asahi doesn't whither under the attention like Hinata thought he would, the taller boy's face morphs into a scowl, he wonders if Kageyama offered the older boy lessons in looking mad. The moment lasts too long, everyone is still and quiet like statues, his hand starts shaking against Daichi's back and he has to remind himself to breathe. It's more difficult than he thought it would be, then he realizes that Daichi is squeezing his shoulders a little too tight.

"You got a problem?" Noya-senpai growls out in challenge, leaning forward like he might leap at one of the giants in front of them. It gets quiet after that, loud enough for everyone nearby to hear his gulp of nervousness. Daichi squeezes his shoulder, but doesn't offer more. A blob of white pulls away from the crowd in front of them, then another tall guy is tugging at the arm pointed towards them, "S-sorry sorry!" The guy offers, followed by an awkward laugh, like these tense situations are usual for him. Hinata watches the smaller guy tug at the arm uselessly, his brown hair flicking in his effort. "Help me!" He growls into the white blob, then another guy emerges from the pack and starts tugging at the outstretched arm.

It still doesn't budge. "Sorry!" The newcomer offers, giving them a more genuine smile, "This guy has a habit of pointing out aces." Hinata blinks at that, _How did he know that Asahi is the ace. They must know each other for sure._ He kind of feels like laughing, thankful that he wasn't the ace, he shuddered at the thought of beady eyes and an enormous arm pointed at him. A glance up at Asahi showed that he was still staring, not quite glaring because Asahi-san probably isn't even capable of glaring.

The arm drops and so does some of the tension around them, he notices it's that much easier to breathe now, a little more so when the giant guy turns around and walks away. "You better be ready, ." One of the tracksuits calls before they're all turned around, disappearing behind a corner as one. He thinks it's a little weird how guys so big can be so quiet, but he keeps his thoughts to himself, for now at least. "That was a little scary." Suga-san calls from the other side of Daichi, followed by an awkward laugh. Daichi's hand on his arm loosens a little when the silver haired boy speaks, "Yeah." The captain snorts, like they hadn't just been sharing glares with The Iron Wall.

"I'm surprised you were able to keep gazes with that guy- Asahi?" Hinata turns back to their ace when Suga's voice takes on a different tone, he almost giggles when he finds the previously scowling man shaking and looking ready to cry. He's about to offer Asahi his place on Daichi's jacket when the ace speaks, "That... was horrifying." Most of them nod in sympathy, except for Noya, who punches the taller male in the side, "Why are you such a wimp off the court, Asahi?" He goads, but Asahi just shrugs, not attempting to deny the liberos words.

"Oy, Sawamura!" Somebody chirps from behind them, Daichi's breathing stops under his ear for a moment as his captain turns to face the voice. _Sawamura?_ "Long time no see!" The voice says, offering them all a polite smile. The guy waves as he scoots closer, drawing notice to the worst colored tracksuit Hinata has ever seen in his entire life. _Why would someone do this? To an entire team at that..._ Daichi releases his shoulders, _Daichi's Family name is Sawamura?_ He half grins in satisfaction, he had guessed almost right the other day. Daichi tugs his hands off his jacket, and walks up the guy in the ugly tracksuit easily. "I'll see you guys later." Daichi says, turning only his neck to face them, Hinata notices his captain smiling and his lack of furrowed brow.

The newcomer drags Daichi off, leaving them all alone without their captain's guidance. They settle against the wall near the entrance, all of them peering into the gym to look at the current games, he doesn't see jerseys he can recognize. He wonders where Grand King's team is, or if they had played already. His stomach makes a weird grumbling noise as he thinks about all the strong teams they're going to have to beat before they can face Nekoma again. _That nameless team, The Iron Wall, Grand King's team, countless more... Don't look up, only straight ahead._ He tries to take Ukai's words to heart without all of the insults and weird analogies. _Don't look up just straight ahead... into The Iron Wall. The Iron Wall with a guy that looks like he murders puppies for fun. You can do this._ He tries to ignore the way his lungs start to seize up, but it's hard when there's an elbow being rammed into his ribs. Hinata is pretty sure he can recognize Kageyama just by his elbow these days.

"Are you going to be sick again?" The setter asks quietly, uninterested blue eyes glancing over him as he turns to face his teammate. Bile tingles in his throat at the thought of throwing up, "You're not intimidated, are you, Shouyou?" Noya-senpai asks, now looming over him. _You're not helping,_ he whines mentally but shakes his head defiantly, "O-of course not!" He squawks, almost offended at the accusation, but his teammate's teasing helps his nerves as much as they grate on them. He's pretty sure that it's like that with everyone when it comes to Noya.

"Asahi seems fine, and he's a total coward." Suga-san pitches, as if that would would him, the words don't as much as the friendly tone, he notices. Hinata glances over at the boy in ridicule, tilting his head curiously at the taller boy's almost calm expression. _How could he be so calm after being stared at by that guy with no eyebrows?_ "I have a trick to calm my nerves." The ace admitted, while Suga started to pet his hair. Hinata resisted pushing his head into the calming touch, just barely. "I just remember the scariest moment of my life." Asahi says, as cheerfully and cryptically as possible. He starts to wonder what kind of things the older boy has seen to make being murder-glared at a calming experience. _What if Asahi actually murdered a guy? What if HE's the one with jars of organs in his basement._ The middle blocker makes a note to never be alone with Asahi again.

"Then I think to myself: Whatever happens, it can't be as scary as that." He's pretty sure that Asahi has at least witnessed a murder and is scooting as closely to Suga as he can, _please don't murder me, Asahi._ He begs silently, offering the taller boy a smile in case frowning makes Asahi snap into a murderous rampage. Asahi smiles back and he lets out a little sigh of relief. _Scariest thing that's happened to me._ He remembers slipping on his bike and almost getting ran over, but his mother yelling at him afterwards was much scarier. Movies that gave him nightmares. Natsu with an empty milk carton and milk dripping from her lips like blood. His nightmare about Natsu growing taller than him. The time he hit Kageyama with-

His heart freezes in his chest. _Smack. Smack._ _Smack._ He glances at Kageyama, the other boy glances at him curiously. "Hinata?" The setter asks, but all the middle blocker can hear is _smack, smack, smack._ "I'm fine." He squeaks, turning away from the taller boy, cutting off the sound in his head. He can still see Kageyama's widened eyes and blank face whenever he blinks. "Are you sure?" Suga asks, the petting on his head stills until he can feel each of the older boy's fingers on his scalp.

He nods slowly, "I'm fine." He repeats and the petting starts up again. "Hey!" Daichi's voice calls out from in front of them, Hinata turns to face him along with the others. "Let's be the first ones on the court!" There's a different smile on his captain's face, smaller and more polite, he thinks. This gym is much larger than the one in Tokyo, built with multiple games at once, built for competition. Hinata's heart quickens at that. _We're here to win. All of us._ "Wow!" Comes from him before he can help it, it'd be really, really impossible to get a volleyball stuck in this ceiling.

"Don't get nervous again." Kageyama mumbles from behind him, he scoots forward, not looking at the setter because he doesn't want to remember Kageyama right now. _Or ever._ "I'm not!" He chirps back, quieting down the _smack, smack, smack_ in his brain. A flash of black catches his attention, **FLY.** Their banner, their gift from their manager. _For their team._ He smiles when he sees it, offers Shimizu a smile and a wave, she nods back, face set seriously. _She believes in us._ Hinata believes in his team too.

"Let's get ready!" Ukai barks, dragging attention from the fluttering banner. He doesn't let Kageyama help him stretch, scared if he sees the other boy's face he's going to scream and beg for it to stop. Noya-senpai offers him, he smiles his acceptance, letting the older boy tug his muscles into looseness. He returns the favor just as roughly until the libero grabs him and flips him over, he retaliates, and then they're wrestling on the floor. "Oi! Cut it out!" Daichi's uproar forces them apart, but they share easy smiles even if his back hurts from sliding against the floor.

Ukai calls them into line deciding that he'd help them practice, Hinata's pretty sure that Ukai's lost trust in them instead of wanting to be a helpful coach, but he joins his team easily; any practice is good practice right before a game. They all take turns deflecting tosses, his receiving is still weak, but he manages to appear in the path of the ball, something he hadn't been able to do when he had joined the team. It's a nice feeling, even if he did get nailed in the face with Ukai's last toss. That ended the pre-game practice and started the pre-game worry, he assured Suga-san that he was completely fine to play.

The older boy stared at him as they walked to their court, "Yo! Tobio-chan, Chibi-chan!" Is called as they walk by, _Tobio-chan,_ it's weird hearing Kageyama's first name used, especially by someone who hates him. He looks up, Grand King flashes him a perfect smile and a victory sign. "How's that freak duo working out?" Grand King is smiling but Hinata is pretty sure that his words are meant to tease. He's prepared to offer Grand King a fight but Kageyama interrupts him by shouting at his ex-senpai, telling him where he could shove it.

He doesn't rectify Kageyama's language this time. Grand King makes a scowl at the setter, but Hinata's too focused on Grand King's stupid face. _Even his glare is perfect._ It's annoying how much Grand King fits into his nickname, regal and proper looking, even with dried sweat shining in his forehead. He wonders what Grand King will be like in a few years, if he'll give up on volleyball and just be famous, with a bright red car and endless sunsets. He frowns at that, _Grand King would never give up on volleyball._ It's the truth and he knows it, Grand King was as obsessed as he and Kageyama were, maybe even more, he'd already injured his knee just from his endless practicing. That was the only thing that made Grand King human to him, instead of a god. _A volleyball god. Like Little Giant._ He smiled up at Grand King, watched his odd brown eyes flicker with something.

"Don't dilly dally!" Ukai shouts, pulling his thoughts away from their future game to their current one. "Nice face-receive, shrimpy!" Is the last thing Grand King says before his face disappears from the bleachers above them. He ignores the way his face starts to burn in shame, _I can't believe Grand King saw that._

His humiliation is quickly forgotten when his eyes fall onto the ugliest jerseys he's ever seen in his entire life. Hinata doesn't know a lot about colors, but he's pretty sure that jerseys are supposed to be an encouraging color, like teal and orange and red, but the jerseys on the other side of the net were kind of like- he wasn't sure what they were like. The blue of their jerseys was dull and boring, he hoped that their game was better than jerseys.


	4. Chapter Four

** Chapter Four **

_We won._ It's a slow reaction, the whistle had gone off a while ago and they were leaving the court.  _We get to come back. We're strong._ He's not sure he thinks that, that game had been the easiest one since he had joined Karasuno, not to say it wasn't intense but--  _We won._ He liked the feeling, was scared at how it made his entire body  _shake,_ Hinata had never realized how good victory could taste. That an accomplishment could even produce a flavor, let alone one that mad his mouth water. 

The banner draws his eyes, which land on Grand King, who he thought had left but the older man was just standing there, staring at them.  _At me,_ he realizes when Grand King's jaw twitches and then there's a smile full of straight teeth.  _Bright._ Grand King's teeth are bright, he's pretty sure it's the lighting from the gym, but the scientific explanation doesn't interest him as much as his most recent discovery does. Grand King is perfect, as close to a deity as humanly possible under the bright gym lights, he finds it odd how much one person's hair can  _glow._

Awe doesn't contort his face like it's attempting to do, because Grand King was his enemy, but the smile interests him for no reason other than the fact that it exists and it's directed at him. He thinks he sees Grand King wink, or maybe it's a blink, he hadn't been watching both of Grand King's oddly brown eyes. At some point, when they're back in the hall, he realizes that he's still thinking about it. There's so many questions running through his head but they all stem from one,  _Why had Grand King smiled at me?_

His answer comes to him much later, when Tanaka-senpai smiles at the term  _flightless crows._ Grand King had been taunting him, or teasing him, or a sick combination of both; Grand King was dangerous and smart, perfectly so, hidden behind a mask of cheerfulness. Hinata isn't sure why he cares, he's probably not even right about it, Grand King was a mystery he didn't want to solve. He only had one issue that he needed to focus on,  _The Iron Wall,_ the name sent shivers up his spine. An unwritten rule crosses his mind,  _all teams should have twice as many eyebrows as players._ But one of them, a huge mountain of a person who probably at people for breakfast had none.  _No eyebrows._ He's certain there's a reason for their absence.  _Maybe they fell out, the guy had old man hair._ He's not sure he's ever seen someone with hair that white. 

It's as close as a confirmation for his theory as he felt comfortable drawing on his own,  _That guy is actually an old man that kills volleyball players._ His idea makes his lungs and throat convulse, somehow he just knows he's next, if he looks or breathes funny --like he is right now-- the man while duck under the net and kidnap him, sell his organs like vegetables.  _These came from a middle blocker,_ he imagines the giant's voice as gravelly and thick and echoing ominously,  _he had orange hair._ Hinata finds himself petting at his fringe, wondering if his job as decoy would actually get him killed. His stomach interjects its opinion and now he  _really_ has to go to the bathroom. 

He doesn't remember eating anything, so he's not sure  _why_ he has to go, just that he really, really has to. "Bathroom?" He questions, tugging at Daichi's sleeve gently until his captain is staring at him. The older boy looks amused, clearly not as worried about his organs being sold as Hinata is.  _Why would Daichi worry the giant probably wouldn't even notice him._ Daichi's arm raises his, as he lifts his arm, pointing down a crowded hallway.  _What if he murders me before we're on the court._ Pausing in contemplation, or fear, he's not sure which, he looks down at Kageyama, almost asks the boy to come with him.  _I'm not a kid, I can defend myself._

Turns out the giant with no eyebrows wasn't going to murder him as soon as he stepped into the bathroom, but that didn't stop him from colliding into another tall person, flashes of white and bright blue. Hinata almost falls to his knees and begs not to be murdered, but his shoulder is caught before he can plea for his life. "I'm so sorry--!" He cuts off when he notices the person in teal and white is not Grand King, but one of his teammates. Tanned skin like Daichi but with spiky hair and a frown. 

"Hinyou Shouta, right?" A voice calls, similar to the one he imagined that the giant would have but clearer and more human. He blinks at the almost calling of his name, then frowns, he has no idea who the guy is, the Aoba Johsai jacket is his only clue. "Hinata Shouyou." He releases quietly, the only thing that can come out of his mouth; the giant man nods, and the frown lessens significantly, like the weight of remembering his name had been abducted from his features. "Hinata Shouyou." The giant echoes, they both nod. "Karasuno's middle blocker." He's nodding alone this time, not sure why the taller boy knows who he is but not the other way around. "Iwaizumi." The man offers, along with a giant hand, he swallows hard as he remembers the guy's spike. Like a bomb had gone off in his ear as the ball collided with the ground. A name to go with the spike doesn't reassure him as much as he'd like, especially since Iwaizumi didn't offer a given name. 

He backs up and bows deeply, fairly certain this guy is the same year as Grand King, the frown is harder when he looks up. "Iwaizumi-san." He tests out the title, not sure if he should add something more polite to appease the giant. There's color in the guy's cheeks, making him almost worry if his track jacket is zipped up too high, but the older boy bows, shallowly so their heads don't collide. "Your spike is very impressive." Hinata is absolutely positive that this is small talk, a statement that the older boy doesn't even mean, because has he seen his own spike? The sound claps like thunder in his ears as he recalls their practice match with Aoba Johsai, he flinches when it repeats without his permission. 

"I-- You too!" He squeaks out, humiliated at how high his voice sounds to the giant before him, the tilting of the guy's frowning lips don't help any with the shame weighing his gut down. "I look forward to playing with you." It comes out with more feeling than the previous compliment, Hinata is briefly frozen that  _that's_ what Iwaizumi's words were. Compliments. Someone from Aoba Johsai was complimenting him! He offers the tanned male a non-guarded grin, ignoring the way his teeth feel dirty after remembering Grand King's too bright smile. Iwaizumi nods again, he returns the gesture, and the older boy leaves the room without another sound. 

He tries not to think about the exchange when he's alone in the stall, tries not to think about anything when he's alone in the stall and his body is making revolting noises. Hinata finishes quickly, flushing evidence away and he's washing in between his fingernails when he notices another giant in the room. Thankfully with eyebrows, right above oddly brown eyes. "Grand King!" He chirps, as excited as he is frightened, Grand King was his enemy, he reminded himself twice as hot water dripped off the edges of his hand. 

The setter half jumps at his name is called, then oddly brown eyes are focused on him.  _Like a snake's,_ he realizes after studying the taller boy, almost ignorant to the way the taller boy studies him in return. "Chibi-chan!" Grand King says eventually, when he's wiping his hands into a paper towel, it's white and thin compared to the one's at Karasuno. "What are you doing here?" He asks the taller boy, half forgetting where they are, because you can't play volleyball in the bathroom. Hinata had tried once and it didn't go well. 

"Just... Going to the bathroom." His head tilts at the information, unsure why it perplexes him.  _Grand King goes to the bathroom._ It's odd thinking Grand King as a human, who has bodily functions, which he can hear right now. Hinata glances over at the taller boy, who is now posed in front of a urinal, there's splashing and sloshing and it makes his face heat up.  _I'm listening to someone peeing like some kind of pervert!_ A voice calls out to him as he tries to fly out of the public space, "Oy, shrimpy, where are you going?" He's not sure how we feels about being talked to so casually when one of them has their pants down, but it makes his feet freeze before he can continue running away from this embarrassing situation. 

"You're-- I should--"  _Not be here._ His team had come looking for him the last time he ended up in the bathroom too long in an oddly similar event, something he could trace back to middle school now that he thought about it. Hinata vowed never to use a public restroom ever again. "Stay a sec, I want to talk to you about something." He's not sure how Grand King can talk so evenly and formally when Hinata can hear him urinating, but his feet abide by the elder's command and he's leaning against the sink he had just ran away from. 

Grand King finishes after a long moment of just  _splashing and sloshing,_ then a resonating flush ends half of the awkwardness, and the older boy is walking towards the sink he's occupying. He tries not to shake under the older boy's gaze, but his knees are trembling in ways he'd rather not notice. "Grand King!" He calls out loudly when the older boy stares at him for too long, Grand King just smirks creepily, exposing straight teeth and little gums. "I have a real name." He's not sure if he can remember Grand King's entire name, but Kegayama's voice echoes in his head,  _Oikawa-san, Oikawa-senpai, stupid Oikawa._ "Sorry, Grand King!" He squeaks before he can help it, then buries his face into his damp hands when he hears himself not use Grand King's actual name. 

The setter just laughs at him, and his face starts to burn in shame. "Sorry." He stammers out, adding on the formal ending in case Grand King was actually a murderer turned organ seller; his throat convulses at that thought of Grand King selling his organs at an unmarked stall in Miyagi. _Shrimpy middle blocker's liver._ Hinata isn't sure what a liver looks like, and he would much rather keep it that way. Grabbing at his jersey, around where he thinks his liver might be, he takes in Grand King's oddly brown eyes again. "What did you want to talk about?" He half demands, the squeaking is back and his hands clench into his jersey at the sound of his own voice, the way it echoed around the empty bathroom. "Just wanted to chat about stuff." Grand King is smiling as he lathers nasty smelling soap into his giant hands, Hinata watches the way the water makes suds across his skin. 

"Like what?" He asks before he can help it, but doesn't look up at Grand King's gaze, even when he can feel it on his hair. "Stuff. We could talk about your spike, or Tobio-chan, or even the bathroom soap if you really wanted to." Hinata realizes all at once how much he would rather just not talk, and his throat closes up with his thoughts. A choking sounds is half pulled from his throat that has Grand King's gaze shifting over his body again. "How is Tobio-chan?" The tone almost makes it sound like a legitimate question, like Grand King cared about his old teammate. His shoulders are shrugging noncommittally, he has no idea what to compare Kageyama to before they had been introduced on the same team. 

"Well, not exactly the answer I was looking for." Grand King chuckles, followed by a wink he knows he didn't imagine. "Sorry!" He squawks without meaning to, but Grand King just nods slowly at his outburst. "It's not like I actually care about that kid." The setter says, dark and almost like a hiss that makes Hinata's spine tingle uncomfortably. "You know--" Grand King starts, but his eyes dart off to the bathroom's entrance as someone's shoes squeak on the ground. Hinata is almost relieved to see Tsukishima, something he never thought he would think let alone admit, and practically begs with his eyes to be taken away from the situation. The blond haired boy looks almost shocked that Grand King is standing in the same room as him, his eyes bulge behind his glasses before a glare covers them, "Hinata." Tsukishima calls, and Hinata jumps up at the tone. "Yes?" He calls back once his feet are flat on the ground.

"Our game is starting." Hinata darts out of the bathroom without another word, almost catches what Grand King calls behind him but doesn't, too busy ignoring the giant he had just left behind. A sigh of relief escapes him once he's in the flock of black he recognizes as his team. He wants to tell them how he was almost murdered by not one, but two players from Aoba Johsai. There's no time for talking as he's manhandled into a line, and they're practicing receiving before the game starts, Noya-senpai is in front of him shooting him a cocky smirk as they make it to the front of the line. The libero almost growling out the title of his signature move that drains all thoughts of Aoba Johsai from his head, the splatter onto the floor at the same time as his idol does, the black-blond hair squishing as it slides over the waxed gym floor. Whoops and cheers are out of his mouth before he can help it, along with pleas for the move to be taught to him. He's not sure what  _Rolling Thunder_ means, and it must show on his face, the older boy just winks at him, rubs at his hair and tells him that he's not ready. 

His ball deflection is awkward, he can't quite predict the path of the ball and has a hard time making his forearms appear where the ball will fly. The problem happens a lot during their next game, but there's as many accomplishments as there is failure. They beat The Iron Wall in two sets, and the whistle blowing has him flinching like it had hit him. Loud and telling and ringing in his ears.  _We won._ They had beat The Iron Wall, the best blockers ever according to Volleyball Monthly, surely Karasuno would no longer be considered flightless after beating such an infamous team. 

The no eyebrows having giant stops him with his giant hand, glaring at him from the other side of the net, or at least Hinata thinks the guy is glaring, it's very difficult to tell when the other guy doesn't have eyebrows. He doesn't think much when he accepts the hand, only slightly disgruntled in the way that it swallows his. His heart starts to race when the giant doesn't release him after a second of holding his hand. Breathing gets even harder when the whistle blows too close to his ears, but the giant doesn't release and he falls to his knees. Victory tasted bitter as his sense started to become too much.

 _Too much._ His brain told him, as he could see every color in front of him start to blur, his knees buckled underneath him and he noticed that both of his hands were no under his control. There was a slight uproar from behind him, and too many eyes on his back, he curled further into himself, trying to block out everything so he could breathe again. The giant had knelt with him, was staring at him with wide eyes, mouth set grim in a way that had Hinata clenching his eyes shut.  _Too much,_ his brain repeated and he tried, really tried to turn everything off but the lack of air in his lungs only made his brain work more quickly.

"Hinata!" Called from too far away, but also too close, he could feel a hot breeze spreading across his ear along with hands that weren't his own gripping at his shoulders. The whistle blew again and his blackened vision started to swim, miasma swimming uncomfortably in his nostrils like chopper. "Hinata?" Softer but still too far to be normal, too loud to take comfort in. Another whistle and his legs are whisked out from under him,  _carried,_ he realizes dully until he's settled somewhere soft and spongy. Unfamiliarity has eyes opening along with his throat. "What?" He gasps into nothing, he's met with glass as his head leans forward, flinches away from it because now his head is pulsing twice as much. 

"Are you okay?" The voice from earlier called, he looks up and Suga-san is there, eyes wide like the giant's had been. He's nodding but lying. Hinata does't feel okay, his head is throbbing and he's pretty sure he just relearned how to breathe. "What happened?" He asks, because has no idea. The silver haired boy raises his eyebrows, half a smile churning at his lips, "You collapsed when Aone shook your hand, felt like you weren't breathing." He realizes two things from that one statement from his vice-captain. He had stopped breathing because of a whistle, something that sounds incredibly dangerous, and that the giant had been named Aone. He thinks about the latter for a while, all the way until the bus starts rumbling under them. 

"Shouyou?" Noya asks, smile friendly but his voice is shaking like Noya-senpai could ever fear for something. The libero's hair is messy, the black-blond that Hinata thinks is  _awesome_ is now skewed at a weird angle, like gravity had finally taken a toll on the perfection. "Yes?" He stammers, loudly and his throat feels requires scratching as he speaks, clears it with a cough as his senpai speaks to him. "You okay?" The tone is still off, Noya had only used one tone with him, excited and happy and smiles. Hinata is nodding before he finds his words, "Not sure what happened." He half-lies, because he's not sure of why he reacted the way he did to what transpired.  _Maybe Aone was trying to kill him,_ the possibility is dismissed when Noya-senpai's smile brightens, "You played awesome today! You'll be ready for my secret technique in no time!" There's a wink that tugs at his lips, the older boy's excitement forcing him to feel the similarly. 

Ignoring the way that Tsukishima gripes for calling a  _secret_ technique, Hinata looks out the window, letting a non-bitter victory settle on his tongue now that it's safe. Kageyema is too close to him, their legs are touching and he's pretty sure he can feel the other boy's chest ghosting over his when Kageyama draws in a breathe. He doesn't say anything, because the heat is relaxing in ways it shouldn't be. He falls asleep to the scent of strawberry milk, a scent that always lingers on his setter. He's not sure how he feels about having it breathed into his ear, though. 


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

He's wide awake by the time the bus stops in front of their gym. _What was that?_ Hinata keeps asking himself that question, _Why couldn't I breathe? Why did I pass out?_ Kageyama's breathe _sounds_ like milk in his ear, but the taller boy looks not so bad when he's sleeping, not peaceful, just not as mad. There's no clear way to feel about it, he's never seen Kageyama just be happy, only half mad while cheering for their victory. _Kageyama is weird,_ the thought takes away from more pressing issues, a distraction that he's not sure he wants.

 _I blacked out._ Tries to remember if he'd been hit in the head with something, tries to figure out why the whistle made his lungs collapse. Hinata is sure that Aone had nothing to do with his reaction, sure the taller man had been really intimidating, the offered hand taking him off guard, but the mountain had done nothing wrong. _Why do I feel wrong?_ Sucking in a big breath, because he can breathe now, with no whistles or screaming, and leans against the window as Karasuno pulls into view.

Nobody asks about what happened, he's certain that Daichi has something to do with it judging from the weird frowns he gets. Suga-san is half-smiling, but his eyes are wide and study him as he steps off the bus. "You okay, Hinata?" The silver haired boy asks once his feet are on the ground, he nods at the older boy, leans away when the setter starts walking beside him. _Weird,_ the older boy is being weird, he wants to say something but passing out for no reason is also weird, that keeps his lips shut.

Noya-senpai flanks his other side, offering bright smiles and petting his hair, his senpai's hands are sweaty but he doesn't say anything. Hinata likes the contact, not that the older boy needs to know that. "Good game, Shouyou!" The libero praises, loose blond bouncing as his head twists. He blushes, returns the compliment with newfound zeal because his senpai is a really awesome guy. Noya's hand slows on his head, settles on his slighter taller shoulder, they walk like that towards the school.

"Oh! Takeda-sensei!" A raspy voice calls from the school, the spit-beard teacher leaning out of it. "Your volleyball team was on TV!" Spittle flies from between his teeth, lands on the plants under the window his head is sticking out of. Hinata bites into his sleeve to keep from laughing in the guy's face, gardening jokes dance through his mind when the man's words -lamented in spit- are understood in his head. _I was on TV!_ He laughs at the guy who had called him a grade schooler in the gym that day, and practically skips into the teacher's lounge.

Noya-senpai pushes him in front of the TV, he notes its flatness momentarily but is drawn into the newscaster's words. Hinata has never payed much attention to the news before, is certain that he could count the time he's watched the news on one of his hands, but now is different. _We were on TV!_ Thinking about that makes him smile, flashes of his idol and the first volleyball game he's ever seen start to blur into the screen in front of him. There's no breeze, no _whoosh_ of _I want to do that,_ as he listens to the lady on the screen. He's pretty sure that the woman isn't even breathing, wonders if it's normal that she can talk that much without pausing for breathing. Takes in a lungful of oxygen in sympathy. _Everyone should breathe, breathing is normal._

The newscaster finally catches his full attention with her next words, "Next, the A block is also drawing interest." Hinata is pretty sure she's lying, the smile on her pixely face looks forced and awkward, wonders if news-people get to go the bathroom or if they have to be in front of the camera all the time. "That's us!" He points out, feeling rather jittery that his face might show up any second, one of his spikes or Kageyama's tosses. "A player you should _definitely_ watch out for is Aoba Johsai High School's team captain, Oikawa Tooru." He blinks at that, mouths out Grand King's actual name. _Oikawa Tooru._ Grand King would always be Grand King, even if Oikawa was fun to say in repetition. "His dashing good looks draw in female fans, so he's a player with both skill and popularity to spare!" Hinata wonders if it's okay for an old person comment flirtatiously like that about a high school student. _Grand King looks like a movie star,_ there's a gleaming smile and a victory sign as Grand King's image is pulled onto the screen. Flinches when he hears a loud _squeal_ that doesn't sound human, notices the crowd of girls screaming behind Grand King as the setter is _interviewed._

"Tomorrow, going against Aoba Johsai," The lady says, and Hinata almost squeals too, _here we come!_ He wonders which of their plays will be displayed with their school, _probably one of my spikes,_ a wicked grin burning the edges of his lips. "Is a team that sped to an unbelievable straight-set victory against Date Tech," He squirms, wishes the lady would just talk _faster,_ mentally begging her to show one of their plays.

The entire Date Tech team is pulled onto the scream, he flinches away the sudden lack of smiling newscaster, swallows a painful lump. Aone was in the center of screen, frowning deeply that made him look even older than his white hair did, the giant middle blocker was staring at his hand oddly. _I shook that hand._ Wonders if that's why it's being stared at, feels slightly guilty. He had fainted when he had grabbed the taller man's hand. "-who were expected to place in the tournament's top eight- the powerhouse, Karasuno High School." _Top eight, we beat a top eight team._ He finds it hard to take the confidence the victory gives when Aone is staring into the camera with wide eyes, looking like he might cry. _Maybe he doesn't murder people after all,_ he thinks distantly, taking in the odd lines on Aone's face.

Grand King's face shows up again, another smile while wind tugs on his wavy hair, "So, what do you think of your next opponents for the third match, Karasuno High School?" An unseen voice asks, Grand King's smile morphs into something he recognizes, an evil foreboding twist of the lips. "They're a great team, I hope they go for broke." Not sure what to make of the statement, he remains silent and frowns at the setter's glowing smile. _Go for broke?_ He's not sure what that even means, wonders if the setter had just insulted them. The TV before him shows a few more shots, of only The Grand King or his team before they cut to the news anchor who announces that the weather will be next.

His heart starts beating differently after that, no flashes of black show on the screen, nobody from their team is mentioned. _We have to beat Grand King to be recognized._ Thinks that that explains the tempo change in his chest, he's excited. Exited at the prospect of beating Grand King, beating all of Aoba Johsai, gaining their approval as rivals. _The strong remain on the court._ He promises to be stronger than Oikawa Tooru.

"All right." Daichi's voice isn't soft, but still soothing in a different way. Certain that Daichi is thinking similar to him, that they're all thinking similar to him, he rises to his feet with the rest of his team. "Let's do this." He's not sure what _this_ entails entirely, but he knows that Daichi is serious, that the captain wants victory as much as he does.

The walk to the gym doesn't quell the anticipation in his chest, the call to get stronger, to beat Grand King. Ukai's speech is drowned out with the beating in his chest, settles for watching the older man talk about Aoba Johsai, how great Grand King's serve were. But they already knew that, had seen it with their own eyes, received some of the thundering serves.

"You guys saw Seijou and went, 'Oh, crap. They're strong.' Right?" He nods silently, wondering if there's going to be a bright side to this painfully long meeting. Pictures Iwaizumi and Grand King in the bathroom, tall and intimidating. _Strong,_ he realizes is a more proper word for those two. "But, if you were seeing our match against Date Tech from the stands, you'd hesitate, saying, 'What's with that blocking. Talk about scary. We can't win.' Right?" He's not sure he can think about Date Tech without thinking of seeing Aone _sulking_ in front of the camera. Hinata briefly wonders if Aone is like Asahi, a coward, if he offered smiles and hugged puppies without killing them.

"But you fought them," Ukai says, a smirk Hinata can only describe as cocky spreads across the coach's face. _He has really white teeth for someone who's hobby is being a chimney._ "And you won." _We won._ He likes the sound of that, what winning brings them, more time on the court. Winning brings them strength. "Tomorrow will be the same." He wonders if that's how Ukai promises, _I promise we'll win._ They're dismissed, banished from the gym, but all Hinata wants to do is practice until he can't walk, to get stronger, but the sky is already black and he finds himself yawning after the long speech is over.

He's stopped from walking towards his bike by Daichi and Suga-san, blinks up at their solemn faces, "Are you feeling alright?" Suppresses a sigh at the question, "I'm fine." He assures, but his heart is racing and he remembers falling into darkness too clearly. "Don't be late." Is all Daichi says, then the two boys are gone. He looks around for Kageyama as he unlocks his bike, frowns when the taller boy is already a block away. "Hey, Kageyama!" Hinata calls from behind his setter, who doesn't turn to face him as Hinata catches up to him. "You'll get wrinkles if you pout like that." He informs, taking in Kageyama's sulky features.

Kageyama doesn't answer and he doesn't talk. The other boy looks distracting, he wonders if Kageyama is thinking about facing his old senpai tomorrow. "Tomorrow," He starts talking when Kageyama starts to stare at him."We're going to defeat The Grand King." The setter stops walking, blinks then stares at him more intensely for a long, awkward moment. He swallows and stares into almost black pupils, "We'll win that match." Kageyama's voice is quiet, more so when the taller boy starts walking again. "If we don't, we can't advance." He's not sure what to make of that, wonders if Kageyama is doubting himself or if the taller boy is actually scared of Grand King. "Right!" He chirps after realizing he doesn't care, Kageyama wouldn't be scared or doubt himself once they beat Aoba Johsai.

Their walk is silent after that, Hinata finds himself staring at Kageyama but doesn't care to stop. He doesn't like the way Kageyama is pouting, too similar to Aone's in his opinion. _We won, we'll keep winning._ Kageyama had said so himself, _so why is he pouting?_ They part ways without another word, he turns left, but Kageyama doesn't turn right. The dark haired boy keeps walking straight, he didn't think that the setter would be so worried that he forgot where his house is. _I should say something._

He doesn't, Hinata turns left, pushes his bike up the steep hill that he races down everyday. The walk home is slower than usual, nature distracts him as much as his team does. Thinks about the questioning looks, Noya's bright smiles, Tanaka's silent treatment, and he thinks about Kageyama's silence. Finds the taller boy stupid for being worried. _We'll beat Grand King._ Ponders what Kageyama's smile will look like when they do, if it'll still be creepy and unsettling, or if he'll be so overjoyed that he'll laugh in his ex-senpai's face.

Hinata prays for the latter as he stows his bike against an old tree and prepares himself for Natsu's screaming. It occurs as soon as he slides the door open, as it always does. She jumps onto his back as he sits down to untie his shoes, can't enjoy the way the cold tile chills his sweaty feet, but he leans back and offers her a tired smile. "Natsu-sama." He says seriously, as gravely as he can manage, she just giggles. Natsu fires off questions about his volleyball games, talks about how she watched him on the TV. His heart swells at that, but he also feels bitter that he had missed his moment of fame. _Stupid Grand King._ There's no time to focus on an enemy setter, or any setter, Natsu is dragging him to their living room, where dinner is set out.

Rice is choked down under Sato's hard gaze, it softens only slightly when his bowl is cleared and he can focus on other things. Like Natsu, or how tired he is, or how Totoro has been on their television for several weeks now. "Big brother, big brother! Did you guys really beat Daketo?"He doesn't correct the mispronounced name, too busy smiling at the fact that they had beaten the infamous Iron Wall, Hinata doesn't divulge how he had fainted when he had grabbed Aone's hand, or how he couldn't breathe, or how he ended up awake on a bus with Kageyama breathing milk into his ear. He gives out an excited rendition of how dramatic their game against Date Tech had been, how Tanaka-senpai had slapped his face so hard there were imprints on his cheeks until the game was over. Natsu soaks in all of his words, giggles when he tells her about Noya-senpai's Rolling Thunder technique, then again when he tells her about how Kageyama had walked the wrong way when they were walking home.

His words are slowly laced with concealed yawns, Natsu had been _helping_ him with the dishes when his eyelids started to get heavy. "Big brother, big brother! Who do you guys play tomorrow?" Her mouth is curled into a pinged ring, awe rapt her eyes as she awaits his answer, he thinks she looks like a fountain. Swallows thickly when he imagines milk pouring from her eyes and mouth. "G-Grand King's team." Hinata isn't sure who their team will play after that, _look forward not up._ Natsu starts blinking rapidly like she's having trouble processing the information, "Grand King?" The title is sloppy in her mouth. He nods, Hinata had told her about Grand King's crazy serve and suspiciously perfect hair at least twice. "Aoba Johsai." He provides when she continues to stare, they're walking into the bathroom now to prepare for bed. He really wants a shower, but decides it can wait when his knees start going numb under him.

"Oikawa Tooru!" Natsu squeals, a stream of toothpaste flying from the tube between her fingers. He nods, chews on his toothbrush as he wipes up his sister's mess, ignoring all the questions and compliments she has for the older boy. "-And his eyes are so _gwaaah!"_ He scowls into his toothbrush at that, not appreciating his diction being used to describe his rival's eyes. "They are brown." He deadpans, she stares at him.

"Can I meet him, Shouyou?" It's one of the few times she doesn't just call him big brother, he thinks Natsu is trying to manipulate him with its use. The quick blinking and begging confirm his theory. Shrugging, he turns back to the mirror, rubs bristles over his teeth, takes notice of how crooked a few of them are. Wonders if he'll need braces or if they'll even out when the last of his adult teeth grow in. "Shouyou!" Natsu squeaks, angrily flipping around her pink toothbrush, the action sends wads of foam across the floor.

He reaches for the toilet paper, ignoring the pleads to bring Oikawa Tooru into their home to watch My Neighbor Totoro.

Natsu is still talking about Grand King, going so far as to call the older boy her husband while Sato forces her into her pajamas. He's not sure how to feel about his baby sister's confessions, especially her last one proclaiming her love to the setter. Wonders if Natsu's interest in volleyball is purely innocent, or where she learned to be so shameless in her love for a stranger. Hinata yawns loudly into his pillow, deciding that the topic would be explored when he wasn't exhausted, he tugs his cell phone out of his uniform pants before throwing the article on the floor.

There's messages on his phone, something that still surprised him after months of being on a team full of friendly people. Of having friends. Only one of the messages is from his team, Suga-san specifically, asking about him.

 **"Are you okay, Hinata?"** He's left wondering if there will be a time in his life where he's forced to type and speak formally all the time. Shudders at the thought, a true confirmation of adulthood that he wouldn't be prepared for in years to come. If ever.

 **"I'm fine, Suga-san."** Types the words slowly, making sure everything is spelled carefully so the silver haired boy doesn't climb through his window, asking about a missing period or lack of honorific. His next message is from Kenma, another apology about the presumptuousness of his teammate. Hinata doesn't inform the half-blond boy that he has no idea what presumptuousness means, apologizes for the late reply and how late the message is. Plugs his phone in, prepared for an interesting conversation with his new rival.

 **"Did you win your game"** He asks after four minutes of silence, wonders how Kenma feels about texting grammar, if he should have put in the extra effort to add a question mark. Kenma's reply is almost instant, but it's not Kenma, another message from Kuroo.

 **"We should be asking you that"** and

 **"Don't ignore me, Shrimpy!"** He closes his phone, deciding not to respond to Kuroo's text, but the device vibrates when he moves to put it down.

 **"Good luck tomorrow, Chibi-chan!"** He doesn't recognize the number as Kuroo's even if that seems like a very Kuroo thing to say, he's about to ask who it is, but an actual reply from Kenma stops him.

 **"You play Aoba Johsai tomorrow"** Hinata stares at the message, wondering if Kenma was also prone to lack of punctuation, or if the older boy didn't have anything else to say so he was giving him information. _Maybe he's worried._ Dismissed that because he and Kenma barely knew each other, not well enough to worry about their next game. There's more staring, feels his eyes go dry as he contemplates his reply.

 **"Did you have fun?"** He tries punctuation, wondering if Kenma's last message was a fluke or if he's looking too far into nothing. Talking to Kenma is interesting, even if the other boy's texts are infrequent and oddly impersonal. There's also no denying that his curiosity about Kenma's feelings towards volleyball.

 **"I played on my phone on the ride home."** That's all the message says, he waits for another one, but it doesn't come. _Phone._ Kenma had had his phone in his hand when they met, _not really just passing the time._ Hinata hums quietly into his pillow, holds his phone over his face, rereads the message. _Is that a yes or a no?_ Typing slowly, he formulates a passive response.

 **"Did you set up any cool tosses?"** Waits, and waits. Waits so long he falls asleep, doesn't stir when his phone ends up falling onto his face.

His forehead is sore when he wakes up, and he's pretty sure that he can _feel_ electricity, but Hinata ignores those things in favor of flicking his phone open to read Kenma's reply.

 **"I guess."** Hinata likes how modest Kenma is, even when he's outsmarting Tsukishima or baiting them with a dump, Kenma doesn't see how awesome he is. "I'll make you see it." He promises to his rival, sends the other boy a good morning text along with some good luck. After Kenma doesn't respond instantly he decides to get dressed, pulling on his school uniform and packing his official jersey and shorts into his bag. His long awaited shower is cut short by Natu's screeching, knocking on the door and asking for Oikawa Tooru. Hinata shudders despite the hot water pelting his skin, turns the water onto a hotter setting and only emerges from the tub when steam builds up around him.

Breakfast is an exhausting affair, Sato seems to agree with him if her thin lips and almost murderous glare are anything to go by. "Natsu..." He tries, and his little sister ceases her babbling about every detail she can remember about Oikawa Tooru. "Grand King will only meet you when you're at least this tall." He raises his hand as high as he can while sitting down, Natsu stares at his fingers, nods resolutely and shovels eggs into her mouth like her life depends on it. Hinata supposes it does, only it's his little sister's love life, instead of her actual life. _I don't even like anyone like that._ Wonders if all little girls obsess over a guy like that, with sparkling teeth and floppy hair, or if Natsu is just special in that regard. He's not sure which he would prefer.

"Eat your rice, Shouyou." Conceals a cringe at the use of his given name, doesn't like the way it sounds coming from Sato, never has and probably never will. Ponders over why that is while he swallows it as quickly as possible, just to end his suffering. The rice is gross, like it is everyday, but he doesn't tell Sato that because she'll just stare at him until the bowl is empty. Does just that as quickly as he can, watches Sato's eyes drift to Natsu.

They both watch while Natsu gulps down a glass a milk more quickly than necessary, wonders if the little girl will choke and make another mess that he has to clean because of Grand King. "Oikawa Natsu!" He blinks at her declaration, refuses to comment while he puts eggs into his mouth and avoids eye contact. Hinata manages to ignore his sister's squeals and shouts while he washes dishes, silently praying that Grand King will spontaneously get uglier by the end of the day.

He can still hear Natsu even when he's outside the house, almost feels sorry for their caretaker, but can't quite manage to make the sympathy genuine. The bike ride from his home to school is exhilarating as always, darting down the steep hill, wind tugging thoughts of Grand King out of his head as it flicks at his hair. Racing down a steep hill provided a different sense of flying for Hinata, made his heart beat fast the same way spiking did, but it was different without having anything on the line, no points or fear of loss. Soon enough his bike was stowed away between metal bars, locked in place and left behind.

A smile worked its way onto his lips despite losing the easy thrill of bike riding, a different kind of excitement was waiting for him, one that made his heart beat too fast, made him sweat until there was nothing left inside, made him bleed once. Rubbing absently at his nose, Hinata walked away from the bike rack, and waited for Kageyama to show up.

The setter turned up shortly, jogging and looking like a complete mess. _Did he even shower?_ He didn't really feel like finding out, and lined up with the taller boy, keeping some distance that Kageyama didn't seem to notice. They raced, Kageyama won, only because the taller boy smelled like soy sauce and sweat. The club room was unlocked when he tried the handle, Daichi was inside, shirt half on, along with Asahi and Suga-san. "Good morning!" He offered the older boys.

They mumbled over each other, offered small smiles while they continued changing. Kageyama started mumbling as soon as his uniform was off, he wasn't sure what to make of that, wondered if the taller boy got cold easily, or he'd forgotten to brush his teeth. _We'll win the next match._ Hinata stares at his setter for a long time while changing, wondering what Kageyama is thinking about. _Probably milk, or the look Grand King is going to give when he loses, or his victory speech._ He decides to leave the setter in peace, let him figure out what he's going to say when Karasuno beats Aoba Johsai.

Kageyama is much more lively during practice, but he's also cursing up a storm and Hinata is glad that there aren't any children around, lest they be scarred for life. Their quick still functions properly, but he still thinks that there's something off about the taller boy, that he's not thinking about milk, or toothbrushes, or a victory speech. He tries not to let it worry him as well, but Suga-san is twitching on the other side of the net like he wants to say something encouraging.

The older boy doesn't speak, just stares at Kageyama throughout the whole practice, something that that the younger boy fails to notice. Hinata thinks it would be a great opportunity to find out what other things that Kageyama won't notice when he's busy thinking about _stuff._ Kageyama refused to spill what he was thinking about, but judging from the twitching of his eyebrows, Hinata had a pretty good idea.

He makes a list between classes, a piece of spare paper that he titles _Things Kageyama doesn't notice._ So far Hinata had taken the setters cell phone, his house keys, and his lunch; he wondered if setter would notice if some of his hair was missing, but decided against it last second. Thought about actually talking to the taller boy, who's face continues to scrunch up further as their game draws closer, but one doesn't pass up the opportunity to look through Kageyama Tobio's phone.

Kageyama, for some reason, has his number saved into his contacts. _Hinata Shouyou._ Sends himself a message because he's never even thought about talking to the other boy more than when they're playing or walking home. His phone vibrates next to Kageyama's, reads his own message and decides to save Kageyama's number. _But what?_ "Of course!" He snickers into the plastic and starts typing. _Idiotyama Tobio_. It's fitting, he thinks so at least, laughs about it while he continue snooping through his teammate's phone.

 _I should not being doing this,_ but he _accidentally_ goes through all of Kageyama's phone calls and text messages. _None of these numbers are saved._ Hinata blanches at that realization, navigates to Kageyama's contact list and finds it completely empty. He glances back at his teammate, would comment on how stupid the taller boy is for not saving his contacts. Groaning quietly, he turns his attention back to the stolen phone in his hands and scans through all of unnamed texts.

 **"Good luck today, little brother!"** Hinata gaped, "Little brother?" He gasped as he scrolled through more of the conversation, but the texts didn't elaborate on what gender Kageyama's sibling could be. When that hype was quelled he noticed something rather odd, Kageyama never responded to any of his texts, not even to Suga-san's askance about his health. Break ends and he slides Kageyama's phone into his school bag, deciding that he would return it after he had searched through everything the device had to offer.

His English teacher, Minami-sensei, had started her lecture on the importance of knowing the English language, then she started gushing over her recent internship about traveling to The Middle America, where they speak more than just Spanish. Hinata ignores her blabbering, wonders if they'll ever actually learn something that has to do with English or if they'll all be held hostage to her travel stories. The suffering is cut short with a slam of the door and a proclamation of a mandatory staff meeting, Minami nods dutifully, says that she'll finish her _lecture_ tomorrow.

Kageyama ends up at his desk for lunch, only seems to realize that he doesn't have anything to eat until the period is half over. "Do you want anything?" The setter asks as he heads towards the door, Hinata freezes at that, only slightly miffed that he had forgotten to steal the other boy's wallet. Hinata waves Kageyama off with a friendly smile, then pulls out his own cell phone to tell Kenma about his most recent achievement.

 **"I think Kageyama is broken"** He's pretty sure that he doesn't have to explain who Kageyama is, wondered if Kenma could ever forget the glare and muttered questions that had him running out of his own gym.

 **"Why?"** Hinata rolls his lips, trying to find the easiest way to sum up everything that seems to be off about Kageyama, excluding the preexisting weirdness.

 **"I stole his phone and lunch and he didn't even notice!"** Wonders if his newest rival would be relieved that Kageyama isn't always intensely focused on making other people uncomfortable. Kuroo replies in place of Kenma, something that has him reluctant to keep the conversation going.

 **"That's not very nice, Shrimpy, even if your setter is a little weird."** He wants to inform Kuroo that Kageyama is more than a _little_ weird, with his odd glares and milk obsession, he sends another message to Kenma, acting like Kuroo had never messaged him.

 **"I think he's worried about playing Grand King"** He's worried too, despite telling himself that everything would be fine, but something seems different from their last games. Grand King's team would always be strong, was the strongest team that Hinata had ever seen. His stomach rolls uncomfortably at that, remembers that he has yet to eat lunch, laughs quietly as he pulls Kageyama's bento from his bag and starts digging through it. "This is..." He's not sure how to describe it, "All rice... and seaweed." _This is why he has that face all the time,_ he wonders if asking Kageyama about his weird diet suddenly would draw suspicion from the taller boy. Decides to save the question for later as he tucks the bento back without taking anything, feels his stomach shrivel up at the smell of rice.

 **"Aoba Johsai is a strong team."** Kenma's reply is different than he expected, which was a detailed analysis on everything that could be wrong with his setter. Kageyama shows up moments later, toting fruit milk and milk bread. Kageyama stares at him as he sits, he starts typing a reply to Kenma instead of staring back.

 **"What are you eating for lunch"** He's not sure why he starts talking about food instead of his teammate.

**"Ramen."**

**"Really?"**

**"Yes."**

He could go for some ramen right now, decides not to respond to Kenma for not sharing. "Stupid jerk." He mutters as he tosses his phone into his bag, right on top of Kageyama's. Leans back and stares at the dark haired boy across from him, looking for the first time since yesterday like he wasn't going to frown his face off. "Kageyama." He says, not sure what he's even going to talk about. The taller boy startles, chokes on a mouthful of bread that he ends up spitting onto the desk between them.

Kageyama doesn't apologize, or move to clean up the mess. He sighs, staring at the lumpy wad that's leaking spit onto his English notes. "Are you... feeling alright?" Hinata doesn't recall an instance where he's asked those words to someone that wasn't Natsu, Kageyama continues choking, this time on his fruit milk. _Banana,_ he recognizes when that too ends up accenting the drying wad of bread on his desk. "I'm fine." Kageyama mumbles, taking another sip. Hinata nods but he's pretty sure that Kageyama is lying.

"We're not going to lose to Grand King." Kageyama's eyes narrow at the name, like the older boy might emerge from one of the desks and start offering smiles and using weird analogizes. "Right." The setter replies, more firmly now that he's not gasping for air. They share a nod once lunch is over and their Modern Literature teacher walks into the classroom.

He wins their race to the gym, but Kageyama is the first one in his uniform and the first one into the gym. Hinata is slightly stunned, but he's pretty sure that that is a good sign, and rushes to join the taller boy on the court. They only practice as a team for a few minutes before Ukai whisks them onto the bus, Kageyama pushes him into the same seat as the day before and falls asleep as soon as the bus starts moving. Taking advantage of the situation, he grabs Kageyama's belongings from his bag and slides them into the other boy's before flicking open his phone.

 **"Good luck at the pre-lims!"** He sends to Kenma, wonders if the older boy gets awkwardly nervous like Kageyama does before a game. Decides against it, but debates the topic until the other boy messages him back.

 **"Thanks you too"** He smiles the rest of the bus ride, certain that he and Kenma are going to be friends as well as rivals soon enough.

The bus stops, and Hinata can almost smell the court from the bus, finds it invigorating and wonderful and inspiring. Ignores Kageyema's questions and hops off the bus with the rest of the team, half listens to Takeda-sensei's instructions and direction as he tries to get his leg to stop shaking. He really wants to play, to win, to laugh in the face of Grand King. He's ready to pull his hair out by the time they're allowed entrance to the gym, Suga-san's arm around his shoulders because the older boy doesn't get it. Doesn't get that he's not nervous but really, really excited.

Their game doesn't start immediately, forcing their team into the stands above the gym, Grand King's team is playing right below but he's too busy glaring at his coach to pay too much attention. "Woah-!" Suga-san's elbow jerks against his, and he stares back at the court, takes in the court and the score. "Six service aces in a row." The silver haired boy announces, and Hinata can't quite muffle the shocked outburst. Now he's nervous, he had only seen Grand King's serve briefly, and never from above. Has to remind himself to breathe and ignores Suga-san's worried look that he can feel digging into his head.

"Hinata are-" He cuts the older boy off, "I'm fine!" He squeaks, but is unable to take his eyes off of Grand King as the setter scores another service ace. Practically throws himself out of the stands into into the bathroom, tries to cool down his burning face with cold water. Wonders why they hadn't practiced more, hadn't done _something_. Grand King's serving had gotten even better than the last time he had seen it, more powerful somehow. The next handful of water ends up in his mouth, swallows the liquid down to fix the squirming in his gut.

Suga's voice is calling him endless moments later, when he's on the floor and can only pant wildly into his knees. "Hinata?" The older boy asks, repeating it again when he's much closer and his body is engulfed in heat. "You're breathing really quickly!" Suga's voice is tinged with panic, Hinata finds it appropriate because Grand King's team is too, too strong. "I'm fine." He gasps, but he's lying, he needed to practice more, they had weeks to find a way to handle Grand King's serve.

"He's too good." He coughs into Suga's chest, soaks up the warmth the other boy provides, listens to the hushed tone that should be calming. "We're going to beat Aoba Johsai, you said so yourself." He wants to yell at Suga suddenly, can feel the need itch in his throat, but he can't talk around his sharp intakes of air. "Too good." He says when there's more cheering, panics at the thought of Grand King getting that many free points on them. Clamps his hands around his ears when the cheering doesn't stop, but it doesn't help. He can still hear the slam of the ball against the court, can still hear the crowd cheering. "We've beat Aoba Johsai before, Oikawa isn't the only player on that team." He knows that, of course he does, but that doesn't help now, when he can hear Grand King carrying his team with his serve.

"Aren't you scared?" He asks eventually, his throat itches when he talks swallows down the sensation as the older boy starts talking. "Of course I am!" There's a laugh that he thinks is genuine in its nervousness, "Remember before we playing against Date Tech?" He nods, buries his face further into Suga's chest because he doesn't need to be reminded of Aone and his last freak out. "Were you scared then?" He nods again, remembers that he had been scared of a guy with no eyebrows, one that had blocked Asahi's spikes and made him quit volleyball. "We won that game." He knows that. "We'll win this one, as a team, against their team, all of us, not just Oikawa." It sounds real when Suga says that, like they've already won, like the older boy isn't scared of Grand King's serve scoring endless points because he has people behind him. Scoffs into Suga's chest at how stupid it seems to be scared. "As a team." He echoes, a weird smile curling his lips as he does. Thinks about Kageyama, about Noya and Tanaka-senpai, being on the same court with players like Daichi and Asahi, Suga supporting them with his reliable sets. He finds that he doesn't mind as much being on the court with Tsukishima, snorts into Suga-san's jacket, he's pretty sure he felt snot.

"As a team." He says it louder, blocking out the sound of screaming and whistles. "As a team." Suga is smiling at him when he looks up, "I snotted on your jacket." He admits, tugging at the now shiny blackness. The older boy's smile falters slightly, then he laughs. Something smooth and easy that makes him feel better, like he belongs to Suga and to the team. "Better?" The older boy asks when the exit the bathroom, snot and panic forgotten. Hinata nods, feeling foolish for ever being worried. "As a team!" He chirps, dragging the older boy towards the stands.

The team sends them odd looks as they sit back down, he glances down at the wet streaks on Suga's jacket, but doesn't say anything until Ukai starts asking questions. "Are you okay?" He wonders if there's a book on asking the same question but in different tones, finds himself nodding. "Are you still sick?" The older man asks, glancing over him with a serious expression, he nods again, finds it easier having people think he threw up than having everyone know that he had almost cried on a dirty bathroom floor.

"You should sit out if you're still feeling unwell." Takeda-sensei says seriously, appearing from almost nowhere. Hinata frowns, not sure he could ever handle _not_ being on the court, sick or not. "I'm fine." He says loudly enough for the two adults to hear. "If you feel like you might vomit, you should get off the court." He nods, slightly irritated at the prospect of being told to leave the court. "I'm fine, honest!" He confirms, louder this time. Kageyama ends up standing in front of him when the two adults leave, staring down at him in what he thinks is curiosity.

"I'm fine." He snips to the taller boy when he steps forward, Kageyama just nods before taking the seat next to him. Hinata looks at his setter, studies the smooth planes of his face and feels weird, wonders how the other boy can suddenly be so calm when he felt like his guts might make an appearance through his mouth. "We're going to win, Hinata." Kageyama says without turning to face him, the setter's voice is raspy like he's having trouble talking. Hinata nods, "As a team." Feels stupid but happy to have three words make him feel so warm.

They're ushered onto the court as soon as Aoba Johsai's game ends, Grand King's victory doesn't intimidate him. Kageyama tugs him onto the court, hands him a ball. He gets the idea. They practice normal quicks, practice receiving each other's spikes, practice anything they can in the five minute window before Karasuno and Aoba Johsai meet on the court officially. Exhilaration works its way into his system as easily as racing down a hill does, it's violent and his hands tremble because of it. Suga-san pets his hair for a second before they line up, the comfort slows his racing heart. They thank the other team for the game, and Daichi moves forward to shake Grand King's hand.

He takes in the older boy, watches the muscles in his arm twist under his sweaty skin as he tries to crush Daichi's hand, Daichi just smiles in return before pulling his hand away. Grand King says something that he can't hear, but the setter's eyes are gleaming and narrowed. A threat. All at once that threat is staring at him, offers him a smile that he doesn't return. Taking his place in front of the net, he watches Grand King walk towards the other side, smiling brightly and menacingly. "Hey, Tobio-chan, Chibi-chan." The older boy says, nodding to both of them. Hinata takes comfort in having his teammate so close, Grand King stares at him until his stomach squirms.

"W-we won't lose to you, Grand King!" He practically shouts the words into the guy's face, feels his face heat up when other members of Aoba Johsai start to stare at him. Grand King's smile shifts, he's not sure he likes the change, or the way that the older boy's eyes start to sparkle. "We won't lose." Kageyama mumbles after a too long moment of staring, Hinata almost laughs, finding the way Kageyama just repeating him stupid, but he doesn't, he almost appreciates the gesture.

Kageyama tugs on his arm and he looks away from Grand King's distracting face, lets the taller boy lead him towards their huddle. "Are you okay?" Yamaguchi asks, he almost wants to declare a ban on those words, but just gives the taller boy a smile. Thought it was kind of nice that Yamaguchi spoke without Tsukshima saying something mean first. "Thanks, Yamaguchi." Revels in the way the taller boy blushes and splutters before his attention is pulled by Daichi's speech.

Hinata watches Grand King take his place on the other end of the court through the net, the taller boy freezes in place and he watches as Grand King shifts into a volleyball player instead of a weird, cocky guy. The whistle forces the older boy into motion, the ball spins in Grand King's hand before it's launched into the air, the setter following right after it.

The serve is intense and powerful, Hinata is practically gaping at how Noya was able to intercept the ball even when it curves without warning. Grand King pouts when his team doesn't score, but there's no feeling behind it, no annoyance in his eyes. He wonders if it was by design that Grand King got himself rotated to the front of the net. Tsukishima serves next, batting the ball over the net with little power or motivation. Kageyama tugs on his sleeve, tugging him towards the center of the net. He finds his balance quickly, watches as the ball towards the cradle of Grand King's hands. Watches as they shift suddenly and Grand King is spiking the ball onto their side of the court.

"Come on, come on, I'll be doing that again, don't look so shocked." Grand King chortles, shifting back into his position. Hinata frowns, mulls over the words. "D-do you think he'll really do that again?" He ends up asking Tanaka-senpai, who looked just as frustrated as he felt. "I dunno, but if thinks that we think that he won't do it because he said he'd do it, then he'd probably do it." _Can't argue with that._ "You're amazing, Tanaka-senpai!" He gushes. "Now, now, don't dwell on the past. Just focus on the ball as it comes." He thinks Daichi is right, there was no way that they could be certain that Grand King would do the dump because he said he would, meaning he wouldn't, but he actually would. _What?_

He practically cackles when Kageyama ends up quoting his ex-senpai when he performs a similar dump. Grand King looks like he might pop a blood vessel and that just makes him laugh harder, "You stupid little brat." Grand King growls at Kageyama, looking like he might jump through the net and strangle the younger boy. Kageyama just waves the other setter off, walking towards the back of the court to perform a serve. A serve that sends the ball straight into the net where Grand King was standing. The older boy howls with laughter, practically snatches the ball up and rushes to the back of the court for his own serve.

Aoba Johsai takes the set, Grand King laughs loudly from where his team is huddled. Hinata bristles, close to grinding his teeth when he sees Tanaka spike his own face with a loud growl. "I hesitated. I didn't call the set. I got scared for a second." The older boy admits all at once, smacking his face a second time and Hinata is pretty sure at this point Tanaka-senpai might have brain damage. "I'll have my regrets after the match! There's no point in someone useless bringing the team down, I'm upset over my own mistake." He blinks, stunned by the admission. Wonders if he'll ever be able to just drop his emotions like the older boy can, forget about the things that make him freeze and stutter over his own feet.

They win the next set, pull out all the stops, limiting their use of the god-quick and dropping their verbal calls for Suga-san's hand signals. He does all he can do, pushes all of his strength and speed into every spike until Karasuno is close to victory. He jumps, pushes through the air with a tired arm. The ball smashes against the block, their god-quick failed.

It takes Hinata a moment to come to his sense. Looks at Grand King. Grand King isn't smiling, doesn't look like someone who just won.

 _They knew._ Takes in the three middle blockers, still standing in front of him. _They predicted our quick._

 _We lost._ _I lost._ _And Grand King won._ Thinks of all the promises of their victory, the words he gave to Suga-san and the promise that Kageyama gave to him. _We'll win the next game._ They won't advance. _Grand King beat us._ Kageyama is the one that pulls him to his feet, but he doesn't meet the taller boy's eyes, and stands in front of the net, all of Aoba Johsai is in front of them. He hesitates in shaking anyone's hand, scared of another reaction, and almost jerks his arm away when someone grabs onto it.

Suga-san leads him away from the net, squeezes his shoulder slightly. He wonders how the older boy can be so calm when they just lost. A flash of white and teal draws his attention before he's pulled out of the gym, "Grand King!" He shouts, about to demand a rematch, about to fight someone double his weight, about to do something besides accept defeat. "Good game, Chibi-chan, maybe we can practice sometime?" Grand King's tone is passive, but his tone makes Hinata want to scream again. There's weight on his head that doesn't belong, ruffling his hair with a clammy hand. A glance up shows Grand King's arm, he tries to pull away but the hand follows. There's a tug on his arm, then crinkling in his hand. He's reminded of Kenma, how he had declared the boy as his new rival.

 _Grand King sees me as a rival?_ He's not sure to feel anymore. Hatred. Hinata feels hatred. He never wants to see Grand King again. _Honored?_ The Grand King picked him as a new rival. _Excited?_ The Grand King might teach him something. _Scared?_ The Grand King might trick him. His fist clenches around the paper in his hand.

Grand King's petting turns into patting, like he can't tell the difference between a volleyball and a person. The older boy leans down, closer, and Hinata can see the other boy's through his bangs. "Also, I think I figured out your problem," whispered into his face like a secret. _Problem? My jump? My serve? My spike?_ He swallows, then looks up, into the gleaming eyes of The Grand King.

Hinata doesn't say anything, but nothing is good enough for The Grand King to continue speaking, his eyes close slowly and his lips curl up like a cats, "You overcompensate with loud outbursts, due to your insecurity as a player, it's indicative of your low confidence." The Grand King laughs, it's a dark, dark noise that echoes as the older boy leans closer. _Demon King,_ he thinks when he starts to feel Grand King's breathing in his ear. "But what could ever cause such issues in someone so bright?" It's a trick question, Hinata knows that for sure, "Your height? Girl troubles, perhaps?" He winks a snake eye, then leans impossibly closer, "Daddy issues?" It's an acidic whisper that travels straight into his stomach. Settles there like lead. _Mind games,_ he realizes, are why Grand King was able to see through their quick.

The weight on his head lingers, ruffling his hair like they were friends, then is gone. Suga-san starts saying something, but he just runs away before the words can reach his ears. Pushes past crowds of people he doesn't know, out of the gym doors and falls into the grass next to the building. Unfurls his fist and stares down at Grand King's crumpled phone number.

_Natsu would beg for this._


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

He wasn't sure which was heavier, the paper folded in his hand or the weight of losing, losing to The Grand King. _We lost to The Grand King._ His heart didn't beat with BeatOikawa-BeatOikawa, he wasn't sure it was beating at all. He doesn't remember getting on the bus, doesn't remember the bitter-sweet speech that Coach Ukai or Daichi no doubt preached to them. He played it off to the summer heat getting to him, Kageyama, despite all of his social-ineptness, saw right through that and stared at him as they walked home that night. Hinata was grateful, for once, that Kageyama was terrible with words; there was nothing he wanted to hear, from him, or from anybody.

He's pretty sure the worst part was the confidence that he had spiked with, putting the last of his strength into pulling The Grand King from his throne. _Definitely the worst part._ The paper, he can get rid of, throw it away, rip it up, set it on fire. He could even eat it if he wanted to. He doesn't want to.

It's a heavy weight in the pocket of his uniform, can feel it physically weighing him down as he walks to the vending machine. He's not hungry, but it's a way to get away from the _looks_ of his classmates. Their stares make everything that much heavier, like gravity is increasing with each set of eyes on him. He stares at the vending machine for five minutes before he realizes he didn't bring any money with him, he sighs, it's as close to a scream as it can get without getting detention, and settles beside it. It's warm despite its cool contents, he wonders how much milk is in there, wonders if The Grand King is more of a green tea or strawberry milk guy. Wonders why he cares. _The Grand King beat you, that's why,_ a voice answers. He ignores it.

Kageyama shows up before lunch is over, stares at the machine in front of him for too long, if he hadn't seen Kageyama choose a drink before he'd wonder if the setter was checking up on him. "Hinata," _Please do not choose now to be good with words,_ "Lunch is over."

"I'm coming, just go on ahead." He says it quietly, wonders if Kageyama heard him, but when he looks up the setter is gone. He doesn't follow. _Grand King beat you,_ the voice he has heard before, hissing like a snake, spewing venom into his ears. He tries to ignore it, really does, until it sounds too much like The Grand King. _Beat you, Chibi-Chan, beat you Chibi-chan._ It sounds like singing but he flinches like it'd been screamed into his eardrums.

 **"Kenma i think im dying"** The text is out before he realizes his phone is in his hand, when it vibrates with a returned message he squeezes the plastic in his fist, but it doesn't crack, only cuts into the sides of his palms with sharp edges.

 **"Unlikely, what's wrong. Aren't you in class"** He hadn't told his own mother about losing to The Grand King, let alone Kenma.

 **"I dunno i feel sick"** He sighs, Kenma despite his analytical cat-like gaze, wasn't much help on matters outside of games.

 **"You'll beat him next time."** The proper grammar makes him wonder if Kenma actually believes it, the voice tells him that he doesn't, he believes otherwise, Kenma is his rival, it's his job to motivate him to be his best, always.

 **"Its break starting tomorrow want to come over"** If anyone could cheer him up, it'd be his Rival, Kageyama was too bad with words to say the right thing, and his poor control over his emotions make him difficult to practice with.

 **"Do you have apple pie?"** Not exactly the answer he was expecting, at all. His mother had a recipe book for such treats, he could probably do it, do anything to get over _this._

 **"Ill make one"** He wants to add, _it'll probably be bad,_ but doesn't. He needs his rival now, not sure he can even last until Friday without him, even if it's not to help him improve.

 **"It's a three hour train ride. Better be good."** He doesn't respond. He opens and closes his phone to kill the _silence_ that rings in his ears, it pushes The Grand King's voice from his head. He sighs, checks the time. He's missed the rest of English, and part of Classic Japanese Literature. He doesn't move.

Kageyama doesn't keep his silence when they walk into the gym, he's bombarded with annoying questions, first from Kageyama then from Suga-san. All of them ask the same thing, _are you okay?_ just worded differently. He's annoyed, really annoyed, with Suga-san for the first time. It must show on his face, or maybe not getting answers was getting too awkward. Suga-san pats his head as he walks away, Hinata flinches. _Daddy issues maybe?_

His spikes are off, but nobody says anything, they just wonder around. Coach Ukai screams at them, _Last practice of the school year, don't waste it!_ Kageyama is grumbling, it sounds like nothing but noise when Hinata gets close. Suga-san is _moping,_ not out loud, but his eyes are shiny. _Just guilty._ He realizes that he shouldn't have to feel guilty, _he should be apologizing for butting in._ Noya-senpai's not smiling when they look at each other, a ball passing between them. _Maybe I overreacted._ He doesn't want to apologize. _It'd just make it worse, he'd just ask more questions._ The ball smacks the crook of his elbows, flies left, onto the floor. Hinata growls, but runs to retrieve it. _You lose, you get it._ It's Kageyama's voice in his head, and he's never been more grateful to hear that bitter lemon voice. He wonders if his thoughts will smell like strawberry milk now.

 _Unlikely._ The ball is in his hands and when he turns around there's a jersey in his nose. _Number Two._ He swallows, tries to find the right words, _I'm sorry,_ doesn't seem to cut it. Says it anyway. Suga-san says nothing, Hinata wonders when they traded these roles. "I-" he swallows again, "You were just worried. I shouldn't have gotten mad." He didn't really get mad, didn't really do anything. Just passively-aggressively ignored his senpai and his questions. Suga-san is smiling when he looks up at him again, it's a sad smile, his eyebrows are crooked but he doesn't know what that means. "It's fine, Hinata." Suga-san's throat shifts, Adam's apple going up and down, then again. Hinata watches instead of looking into his senpai's too-sad eyes. "You just wanted wanted to beat Oikawa-san. We all did." Hinata nods, _If you wanted to win, we should have._ It's a bitter, bitter voice. His bitter, bitter voice. He swallows. "We'll get him, next time." He tries to smile, but can't look into his senpai's eyes.

"Right." Is all Suga-san says, then the shadow of his body is no longer looming over him, it feels worse than when it had been there. He makes to toss the ball back to Noya-senpai, but he's nowhere to be seen. Nobody is. Except Kageyama, who's staring at him, his expression sour. _How long has it been._ It feels like seconds, it feels like days. Definitely somewhere in between, obviously.

He moves forward, passes the ball at Kageyama. He catches it, stares at it. It has the same pattern as the one in their game. _The game where The Grand King beat us._ Hinata swallows, it must have been loud enough for Kageyama to hear, since he looks up. Their eyes meet and Hinata can't find that fire in his setter's eyes. He looks away long enough for the ball to hit him in the face. He glares at Kageyama, and the setter is _smirking._ Leave it to Kageyama to crack a smile right after losing to his old senpai. He wonders how Kageyama does it.

Hinata picks up the ball from the floor, spikes it at Kageyama, he sweeps back, catches it quickly. Kageyama spikes it at him, hard, his arms wilt under the impact. "Your back is too high." Kageyama's lips are squirming like he wants to say something else, but doesn't, there's another ball in his hands. Kageyama spikes that too, "The finals should be over soon, huh?" It's him that speaking, a way to change the topic off of his own failure. Kageyama just hums in agreement, the ball in his hands spinning. Hinata flinches at the sight.

He catches the next ball instead of reflecting it, squeezes it in between his hands. Wanting to release _this,_ but he can't. He's not strong enough. Not good enough. _Your height?_ The Grand King is back, sounding twice as malicious as he did the day before. _Demon King._ His head is pounding, his gut is squirming again, then it's gone. It's all released, draining out of him, white noise filtering into his ears.

It's not white noise, not even static. It's louder than that. Deeper than that. _It's me._ He's making the noise, his heart is pounding in his chest and he's _screaming._ His voice is cracking and he's not sure how long he's been screaming or where he is. _Prone to loud outbursts due to low confidence._ He screams louder, his voice interrupting with sobs that interrupt the pent up _rage._ His body is shaking, his vision is blurry, and his throat is throbbing when he comes to.

He's on the balcony, wonders how he got up here. The glossy black banner is hanging over the banister, rippling in the breeze from the gym doors. _Fly._ He hates that word. Hates it more than The Grand King, more than he could ever hate Kageyama, more than himself for losing to both of them.

Kageyama is talking, the same words he had hissed out when they first met, "Only the strong stay on the court." It sounds like a promise, and like a death sentence. "You should stop screaming, if you want to win." It's not Kageyama who's speaking, he turns around. It's Kiyoko-senpai, he wonders if she learned that face from Suga-san. "I could hear you from the club room." Her face is flat, impassive, but there are tears in her eyes that give her away. _She's doesn't play, but she wants to win._ She leaves after that.

He looks at that aftermath of his _outburst,_ there's balls all over the floor, Kageyama is upside down, still muttering about The Grand King. They clean up quietly, only acceptance, or something close to it, between them. The lights are off and the gym is locked behind them. "Kageyama," It's the first time he's said the setters name since yesterday, it tastes bitter, _like lemons,_ coming from his mouth. "Next time. We'll win." He can feel it _burning_ under his skin, "We'll be stronger than The Grand King, and all of Aoba Johsai, next time."

"Next time." The setter isn't looking at him as they walk home, Kageyama turns right, unlike the last time this silence was surrounding them. Hinata turns left, and bikes home. He has apple pie recipes to look through.

 


	7. Chapter Seven: Kenma I

**Chapter Seven: Kenma I**

_Do you have apple pie?_ _What was I thinking? Well, obviously about pie, or food in general I suppose._ His phone, usually on his desk -not as a blatant attempt at disrespect for his teacher- was tucked firmly into his pocket, away from prying eyes. Away from Kuroo's eyes, specifically. Not that he was embarrassed about his inability to have a _normal_ conversation, nor was he embarrassed about texting Shouyou. _Only texting Shouyou._ He and Kuroo never texted because he and Kuroo were always together.

 _On the bright side, I'm getting pie; on the down side, I have to leave Tokyo, and my house._ There was still time to cancel but _I think I'm dying_ was keeping him from doing so. There were a lot of questions, _Do you have Wifi? Is your apple pie made with green or red apples? How many outlets does your bedroom have?_ and the ever important, _are you okay?_ He wondered when it would be appropriate to ask the first few questions. _Should I bring my laptop? It's very likely that Shouyou has Wifi. But he lives in the country, what if it's not fast._

"Kenma." He grunted, "What are you doing over break?" _Meeting the sun and eating apple pie,_ "Family, probably." His voice was quiet, always has been, that's why he never commented when Kuroo complained about the size of his ears. Kuroo hummed in response, "Want to hang out this weekend?" _In Tokyo, at my house, with A/C and fast internet? Very much so._ "Can't." Kuroo hummed again, wondered which of them started the bad habit that they both had. "No practice today." Kenma knew that, always knew when there was no practice, knew that Kuroo knew that he knew. He hummed again, in place of a response. "When are you free?" _Depends on the new releases, summer was the time when it's 'acceptable' to never leave the house._ He hummed again. "Sometime next week." Looked at Kuroo, "Maybe."

He never did family things, but it was the only lie that he had with Kuroo anymore, _along with Shouyou now, I guess._ "Want to go to a college game Wednesday?" _No._ Knew that Kuroo knew that he would always say no, as much as he liked Volleyball, the house -his house- was much more comfortable than a musty gym with people _screaming._ "What team?" _Tokyo University, duh._

"Tokyo University, duh." Kenma's mouth shaped the words but Kuroo was the only one that said it. He wasn't sure why Kuroo loved Tokyo's college team so much. Didn't care enough to ask. "I'll think about it." And he would, at least for ten seconds. Might flip a coin if he was feeling _particularly_ conflicted. Shouyou would probably tire him out for the rest of the summer, just from spending two - _almost three-_ days with him. He shrugged.

"I'll get two good seats, just in case." Kuroo's lips are curved, can hear it in his voice without looking up. He wonders what Shouyou's voice sounds like without the smile permanently attached to his face. _Probably the same, maybe lower. Shouyou_ had a high voice, like a kitten's.

Kuroo walked him home, as always, but despite Kuroo's endlessly long legs he was lagging behind. _At least make it less obvious._ It's annoying, but also whatever. Kuroo usually walked a step in front of him, making sure he didn't run into anything as he played. _It'll be very hard to kill five dragon princes if I have a concussion._ He sighs, puts his game in his shoulder bag, sighs again. Kuroo chooses that moment to catch up to him. Sighs again.

They walk side-by-side until their houses are a block away, Kuroo stops. He stops, sighs again. "Is there something wrong?" There's a smile on Kuroo's face despite the seriousness in his tone, his eyebrows wiggle in that creepy manner they do when there's something bothering him. "Are you okay?" He sighs, his care of the day going to Kuroo, as usual. Kuroo's head tilts, more like a dog than a cat, his messy hair flopping over both his eyes instead of the usual quota of one.

"I was pretty sure I was asking the questions." It's a statement, but an accusation, but also a question. _I should just leave._ It's a thought that is usually running through Kenma's head when people try to talk to him, sometimes during conversations with his own parents. He nods and shrugs at the same time. He wonders if he has to bring another game onto the train now that Kuroo is wasting his time. _I'm fine, say it and it'll be over._

"I'm fine." It's a mumble, usually how he talks on the way home, his mind not on the conversation and instead on killing the dragon king. Kuroo hums, they're still stopped. The train leaves in half an hour. He wonders if Kuroo knows that, _impossible._ His eyes shift over his friend's face. _Highly unlikely, at best,_ he settles for that instead. Kuroo was loud, but crafty when need be.

"If you sure." It's again, a question, statement, and an accusation all rolled into one. More importantly, it's annoying. They start walking again, Kenma's house is farther away, the station by their school, but he doesn't have a bag packed or he would have just ditched Kuroo and left from school. _I have to go around._ It's four extra blocks to get to the station without ending up spotted from Kuroo's window. _Any of Kuroo's windows,_ he corrects himself.

Their walk home is quiet after that, Kuroo walks him to his gate, then to the door. This door is only locked when people aren't home. It is. Shoves his key into the door so fast that if somebody wasn't directly watching, it would appear he had just stumbled against an unlocked door. His key is gone, in his pocket, when he turns back to Kuroo. "See you at the game." He doesn't look at Kuroo's face as the door is shut. He sighs. His trick worked, but now he has to leave the house yet again sometime in the upcoming week.

His 3DS and PSP are in his overnight bag with their respective chargers before anything else are. His laptop is next to the bag, his mind weighing the pros and cons as clothes are packed next. Nightwear, two sets of day clothes, his church clothes, folded as neatly as possible when shoved into a small bag. _Pro: Games. Con: Heavy._

He writes up a note for his parents, _At a friend's house for the weekend. I have church clothes._ The last part wasn't necessary to add, but his mother would flip if she had a _suspicion_ that he had skipped church. _Pro: Other games. Con: Shouyou's internet might suck, and then it'd be dead wight._

His toothbrush was packed into a baggy, toothpaste was next to his laptop. Also in question. _Does Shouyou use spearmint or peppermint. What if it's neither._ The toothpaste is packed. _Pro: I could watch a movie on the train. Con: Laptop might die on the train, then the RAM might lose something._

Despite the cons outweighing the pros, if only by a tiny but, the laptop is packed its carrying case, along with the charger, the wireless mouse, and his headset. Two bags. Not too much for an overnight stay at an almost stranger's house, surely.

His note is placed on the kitchen counter, next to the rice cooker, then he is out the door. He turns left, away from Kuroo's house, walks two blocks, turns left again. The sighs are unusual but not unfamiliar, it is not a path he uses often. His phone is in his hand, waiting for a text from Shouyou saying, _Just kidding, you don't have to sit on a train for almost four hours to get here and help me stop suffering._

It never comes.

The train is a lot sticker than he remembers, especially the seats. A shudder runs up his spike as his foot _squelches_ from stepping in _something._ The train starts moving, and moving, and it doesn't stop. The blur of grey concrete and black streets are replaced with empty fields and empty, empty greens sights. His laptop is in his lap before the trip is halfway over, his headset plugged in as his password is typed with one hand.

Watches a movie as he pretends that everyone on the train _isn't_ staring directly at him. He's seen it before, the movie that is, but it's a favorite, that's why it's on his hard drive in the first place. The credits are rolling as the train stops, _Miyagi Prefecture,_ the ceiling tells him in static warped Japanese, _Have a nice day._ It says, but the voice is not cheerful.

Shouyou is waiting in front of the train doors as he steps off. Blinks. Logically, there's no way that Shouyou would know what part of the train he was sitting on. It's merely a coincidence that they end up standing in front of each other. More importantly, if he had Shouyou's address, why was the shorter boy even here.

"Kenma!" His voice is louder than the train's, but much clearer, but equally painful on the ears. Shouyou's smile is bright, as usual, but there's no thinly concealed rage directed at him, so he's a little more open to the reception. Until Shouyou starts asking questions. "How was the ride?" He asks first, "Fine." He responds, his voice is _just_ chilling enough to tell Shouyou to back off, but not so much that the other boy spontaneously breaks down. He wonders when he became so courteous, especially to an almost stranger who gave him a passive-aggressive volleyball related threat.

Shouyou is sweaty, his shirt stained, and hair messier than what could be considered stylish, his chest is on the healthy side of heaving. Kenma is very uncomfortable with how Shouyou can smile in that condition. He shudders as the feeling of ghost sweat washes over his back. His most important analysis of all, is that Shouyou's hands are empty, no apple pie in sight. _There is all weekend, I guess, but I'm hungry now._

"Want me to take your bags? It's a pretty long walk to my house." _Long. Walk._ He conceals a long sigh in the back of his hand, then another one. He's taller, and most likely stronger than Shouyou, he should probably carry his own bags, but the way Shouyou is bouncing, like he's an excited bellhop is very unsettling. He hands his overnight bag to the smaller boy, he pats the boy on the head three times. _Ring, ring, ring._ He doesn't miss the way Shouyou flinches, his eyes widening just enough to be noticeable. _Interesting._

It's uncomfortable, being so close, and yet so far from his games. On the back of another's back, he's slightly apprehensive, not that he would admit it. His devices were delicate, and with the way Shouyou acted, he was anything but.

His nerves were on edge, watching the way Shouyou walked, a small hiss escaping his mouth when the other took a turn a little _too_ sharp. Even if they were walking, quite slowly at that. Those were his babies, or as close to _babies_ as they could get.

They walked, and walked, and walked. The summer heat was making him _sweat,_ and it was a very unsettling feeling. Sweating without cause. They followed the highway, Shouyou's face not reflecting the concern of getting hit by a speeding vehicle. Not that any of the vehicles were speeding, everything in Miyagi seemed to be in slow motion, except Shouyou, who was always in double speed.

When they arrived to what Kenma could only describe as a _village,_ did Shouyou open his mouth again, his face was lit up at the act of sharing his town with anyone. Or the joy of speaking. Kenma wasn't sure which it was. "That's where the team gets meat buns after practice, our coach works there." Which raises the question, _do meat buns affect mental processes, if so, is it only for volleyball coaching or is it just in general._ "Do you want to have one? I have some money saved up." It's an offer, Kenma realizes as Shouyou stops in front of the store, his eyes are lit up, but _How much could they cost if someone has to save up to get them_ is the only question he can hear.

He nods, and Shouyou's smile brightens even more, and it doesn't look creepy. Which is creepy in itself. Kenma's not sure if he should wait outside or follow Shouyou in. The other boy couldn't take that long to purchase something from a store this small, but Shouyou seems like the type to get distracted easily, so he follows him in.

The store is small, like the outside depicts, and cramped, which Kenma was also expected. Shouyou is at the counter before Kenma had made up his mind to walk into the store. He's talking very quickly to the man behind the counter, who has a book dangling in one hand and a cigarette burning in the other. He barely recognizes Karasuno's coach, having not spent much time interacting or analyzing him. But, now that he has the opportunity, he takes it all in. _He's halfway through the book, but the cover and spine are well worn, his eyes show that he shouldn't be a slow-reader, so it's a gift from someone. He runs a store, so it could be from a grateful long time customer, but his intimidating brow indicates that not many people are overly nice to him, let alone thankful enough for his services to provide him with such a gift, a seemingly precious gift, but a cheap one. So it's probably from a family member. The cigarette in his hand is nearly gone, its ash trail is long, meaning he was distracted, with the book most likely. Fingernails show a little yellow, so he's not been smoking long. All of his hair is there, so he can't be that old. Could be a college habit. He runs a store, maybe he didn't even go to college._

He walks up to the counter as Shouyou is handing the older man a crinkly note. It's a thousand note, well-worn, with fold marks all over it. _Saving up a thousand._ He knew that Shouyou came from the country, so he couldn't be that well off, but was he _really_ poor, or _really, really poor._ His clothes didn't give him away, they fit right, but that might be because Shouyou hadn't grown; he didn't ask because height was something the other boy was self-conscious about, gave it away when they first met. _Weird for a middle blocker to be this short, huh?_

He could feel the old man's gaze on him, seemingly _through Shouyou_ , "Hinata." The smaller boy cut himself off from _ranting,_ at the call of his name from his coach, "Yes, coach?" He asked, Kenma could feel Shouyou's intense gaze without being the subject of it. "Isn't that Nekoma's setter." The book in his hand was pointed at him, an accusation. Hinata's neck shifted, no excess skin folding up as he turned to face him. Shouyou smiled up at him, he blinked, his lip twitching despite his attempt to keep his face blank. "Yeah! He's my rival, so I invited him over so he could teach me, I even bribed him with an apple pie!" Shouyou's voice was a stage whisper as if he and the old man were exchanging a heavily-guarded secret. "I thought Kageyama was your rival." _Kageyama. Kageyama... Kage...yama. Oh. The weird kid that sets for Shouyou._ He nodded to himself, _wait. Rivals?_ "Oh? Is that so?" The old man's gaze lifted from Shouyou to look right at him, _through him._ He nodded, then adverted the other's gaze.

"Kenma really wanted to try a meat bun, so here we are!" Shouyou explained, as if that was not a lie he had just created. _When did I say I wanted to try one, why do you spread these lies, Shouyou._ He sighed, and the old man's gaze were on him. "They make you good at volleyball, guaranteed." There was a smirk, his teeth were surprisingly white despite having lit up two cigarettes since they've started this conversation. "Well, I hope you can get something through this kid's thick skull." The old man's hand, free of a book that was now on his lap, was in Shouyou's hair, he watched Hinata's spine straighten drastically at that. _Very interesting._ "I got customers, so eat your buns and get out." The voice was stern, but a glance around the store showed nobody but them. Kenma raised a brow, but obeyed the order, following his _Rival_ out of the store.

What could only be a meat bun was in his hand not a moment after the door closed behind them. Shouyou's eyes were _shining_ up at him, the summer winds pushing his bangs, revealing his ivory forehead. _No acne._ _Lucky brat. Shouyou_ was still staring at him. _Meat bun, good volleyball, right._ His fingers grasped around the hot shell and he brought it to his face, examining it.

It smelled, well, like a bun. With meat in it. There was grease rolling into his hand, down his arm. He shuddered and sank his teeth into it. He wondered how anybody could eat something this hot. _Does the sun not get affected by the heat._ A glance at Shouyou proved that _no, no it does not._ The smaller boy had shoved the entire thing in his mouth, which must have taken a lot of shoving considering how small his _everything_ was. Kenma blew on the bun, and more grease slithered down his arm. He shuddered again.

They walked as Hinata led them to what could only be his house, he was still pointing, telling Kenma things of _interest_ as he did so. "That's where Kageyama lives." Kenma recorded the street to memory, and made a promise never to ever go down that street. Ever. "And here is my house!" It had taken twenty minutes from Kageyama's house to get to Shouyou's.

The house itself was interesting, the location slightly more so. A small classic style _cabin_ on top of a mountain. His shock, or interest, must have shown on his face, Shouyou was laughing, his cheeks were red, and not from the heat. _Embarrassed?_ "It's a little small, but my mom said that this house has been in the family since, like, forever, I guess." He wondered how long _like forever_ was.

 _More importantly, 'little small'._ He hummed in acknowledgement, and followed Shouyou up to the front door, it opened with a scream that Kenma thought was the hinges. It was not. Shouyou hadn't even touched the door, but it had opened. "Older brother! Older brother!" Shouyou  _was a brother? An older brother._ He looked down at the small girl, _definitely Shouyou's sister._ She had the same hair, bright fucking orange, but her eyes weren't the same shade of brown as Shouyou's. They weren't even brown. Almost grey-blue. _Interesting._

"Natsu!" Shouyou yelled, his voice -thankfully- not as squeaky as the small child before them. "Who's that, older brother?" Natsu squeaked, her small finger pointed up at him. He wondered if her hands were sticky. A dark smudge on her face suggested so. "This is Kenma, he's my rival." _Does she even know that word, or does Shouyou say it enough that everyone knows that word._

Natsus's eyes hardened, her brow lowering, "Then you'll be my rival too!" She shouted, voice grating as it elevated in volume. "Natsu!" Another voice called, stopping the small girl as she started running towards him. "Who's at the door, Natsu?" _Shouyou's mother._ "Natsu-?" The voice called, then a body appeared from the shadows and suddenly behind the small, screaming girl. "Oh, it's you, and you must be apple pie." Her voice had taken a different tone than when she was calling Natsu, _harder? Annoyed maybe?_ He wasn't sure, but he nodded, despite the nickname had been given.

Kenma noticed two things as he took off his shoes, Shouyou had really small feet, and he had a lot of sneakers. He stopped at the entrance before he stepped into Shouyou-provided slippers, "Thank you for having me, Miss Hinata." He bowed, almost deeply. Shouyou was smiling at him, his feet wiggling in just socks, looking like he wanted to say something. The woman, who now had a screaming Natsu on her hip turned around suddenly. "I'm not a Hinata." It sounded, odd, like she had been offended somehow. He bowed again, "I'm very sorry." He said, just loud enough, Shouyou snickering beside him.

"That's Sato-san, she's my mom's assistant; she usually takes care of Natsu while mom's at the office." He looked up at the woman in front of him, her hair was blacker than black, it contrasted her pale skin nicely, he supposed. Shouyou stopped, so he did as well, then looked around the room for a reason as to  _why_ they stopped. He took this time to get a good look at the room they were in.

The hallway they emerged from ended abruptly with a large counter that must be part of the kitchen.  _This looks very inconvenient, especially if you're in a rush._ He could imagine Shouyou running through here, banging several body parts on the corner from turning too quickly. The rest of the room did not have an inconveniencing design. Compact, but just roomy enough not to induce claustrophobia. The walls were bright white at some point, but had faded into a grey-white, a large navy rug covered most of the wood flooring in the living room. A traditional dinner table was serving as a coffee table in the middle of the rug. A large, square entertainment center covered most of the far wall. A big square TV in the biggest open space. A cable receiver on top of it, the rest of the shelves are covered in photo frames that he couldn't make out from the other side of the room. The Another hall way separated the living room wall from connecting to the kitchen wall. A rice cooker and a microwave sat on one side of the stove, the sink on the other. _Small, but functional._

Miss Sato sat Natsu down on the inconveniently placed counter top and started speaking to her in hushed towns. "Right!" Natsu screamed as Sata pulled back, a smile exposing dimples that didn't match her perfect smooth skin.  _Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait._ He glanced up,  _Sato-san has the same grey-blue eyes as Natsu._ Just a coincidence. He had never met Shouyou's father, so there was no way to tell if he had the same grey-blue eyes, or even if Shouyou's mother had the same trait. 

Kenma watched as Natsu jumped from the counter, several bowls in her hands, she walked into the living room and started setting the table.  _The coffee table isn't just for coffee drinking._ Another glance to the living room, revealed that there was no sofa. He didn't know if a coffee table needed a sofa to be considered a coffee table, but that seemed to be the case so far. He looked down, Shouyou was tugging at his hand. He looked up, Shouyou was smiling at him. "Let's put your bags away in my room." He hummed, nodded, then followed Shouyou by the pull of his grip. 

He was pulled into the hallway between the kitchen and the living room, Shouyou pulled him to the only door on the left, a classic sliding one, identical to the other two on the opposite side of the hallway. A non-sliding door was on the far wall. _The bathroom._   He wasn't sure which hit him first, the smell of deodorant and body odor, or the blinding light of the setting sun.  _Was it really that late already?_ He was pulled further into the room, it was carpeted unlike the rest of floor he had seen so far. Vacuum tracks were lined up unevenly and the floor was clear of dirty clothes. _How unexpected._ He was pretty sure that Shouyou would have a room dirtier than his, that was not the case. But to be fair, Shouyou had a guest, and Kenma never wanted them. 

There was only one picture in Shouyou's room, a team picture, all of them posing, exposing their Karasuno Volleyball Team jackets, all of them smiling at the camera. He wasn't sure what to make of the picture. They were all close, it seemed, their coordination spoke otherwise. 

The walls were white, like the rest of the house, he had expected Shouyou's walls to be littered in pictures, or at least be painted in an eye-blinding color. The sheets were though, so he was almost right in his estimation. They were a bright orange, spread over a western style bed, the only western thing in the house, they were as messy as Kenma had expected the room to be. Wrinkly and flopped about, like Kenma's own bed. "You can put that on here." Shouyou said, placing the bag he had over his own shoulder on the edge of the bed. Kenma did as he was told, placing his laptop bag on top of his overnight one. 

"Thanks for having me." Kenma said after an awkward silence where Shouyou just stared at him, Shouyou laughed again, "I didn't think you'd come to be honest." Shouyou's eyes were downcast now, but Kenma could see the pink in his cheeks. "Apple pie might have been the deciding factor." It's a tease, but also a reminder. Shouyou's mouth opened like he was going to reply, but "Older brother! Older Brother's Kenma! Food dinner!"   _Older brother's Kenma. Food dinner._ He wasn't sure if it was normal for small children to speak that way, he'd never been around one this long before. "Pie after dinner, I made it myself!" Shouyou smiled brightly, which only served to make Kenma slightly nervous. If it was good, he'd have to thank Shouyou, and then kidnap him to be a pie slave. If it was bad, he'd have to thank Shouyou and then silently vomit in the bathroom. 

The table was fully set in the time it took them to walk from the living room to Shouyou's room, which was impressive given that a small child was assisting. Actually assisting instead of hindering.  _Reliable children, the world gets better everyday._ There were four cushions, two on each long side of the table.  _Nobody at the head._ Nobody but him seemed to notice, the other three were already sitting and were staring at him expectantly. Most notably two pairs of grey-blue.  _Don't jump to conclusions._

He sat down next to Shouyou, who smiled at him, always smiling at him. "Thank you for the food!" They all chorused, his almost obviously quiet compared to Natsu and Shouyou's. Sato-san gave him a weird look from across the table, then cast a pointed look at Shouyou, "Eat your rice, Shouyou." A command. Shouyou's smile fell at that, Kenma stared at him, the first time that Shouyou's face was blank, even if his lips were squirming in  _something._ He picked up his own spoon and rice, looking at the table for the first time. Miso soup, grilled mackerel, a bowl of salad and rice for each of them. 

 _Jasmine rice._ _Very nice._ It was sweeter than what most of Japan grew, but got soggy faster than other rices, so it had to be eaten quickly, and so he did. The mackerel was a little saltier than he expected, and he might have wiped a lot of excess of it off on his salad --discreetly, of course-- but other than that. The meal was very much to his liking. Shouyou, on the other hand, was having a very difficult time eating anything, which was quite surprising considering how much time the other boy spend jumping around. 

"Shouyou." A harsh whisper from Sato-san rectified the situation, Shouyou's spoon quickly finding its way from the rice and into his mouth. Kenma watched the other boy grimace, _he doesn't like sweet rice?_ "Eat your rice, big brother, so you can get strong!" Natsu's outburst forced the grimace from Shouyou's lips, it wasn't gone but was hidden from his little sister. "Yes, Natsu-sama." Shouyou said, bowing into his rice, ever so subtly spitting out his mouthful into a napkin. Kenma shifted, staring obviously at the other boy. 

Shouyou smiled at him, but his cheeks were flushed. His eyes were serious and Kenma found himself giving him a nod.  _I won't tell._ Then another stare, for another promise, but Shouyou was already looking away from him. "Oh, ku--darn," followed by Sato-san standing up, a device -- _a cell phone--_ being pushed to her ear. "Yes, Hinata-sama?"  _Hinata-sama._ "Right away, Miss." Sato-san was by the door before she realized she was in the middle of a dinner. "Uh, Shouyou, take care of Natsu. Natsu, make sure Shouyou eats his rice. Apple pie, pies on the counter, should be cooled by now. Bye." 

Shouyou and Natsu waved goodbye to their  _caretaker,_ and she was out of the door, Kenma stared at Shouyou, and then nodded at the rice when their eyes met. "Eat the rice, big brother, it's really good!" Natsu screeched, then shoved a big spoonful into her mouth, most of which ended up on the table or her face. 

"Do you not like Jasmine?" Kenma found himself asking, curious as to why someone would have remind Shouyou to eat. "W-what? Oh. I guess not, it always tastes weird to me, like," He paused, his cheeks rolling as he looked for the right word, "Chalky. I guess." He nodded to himself. Kenma blinked. Jasmine rice was smooth and moist, more than most rice. "Want me to eat it for you?" Kenma was never one for seconds, but leaving evidence is a mistake for rookies, although a witness, was even worse. 

His eyes fell on Natsu, Shouyou's followed, the little girl gulped loudly. "Our secret?" It was Shouyou that had asked, she hummed for a long, long moment, then chirped an affirmative. "Big brother's rival has to be strong too." She nodded at him. He nodded back, then picked up his rice. 

He was prepared for the sweetness, even if it was accompanied with the wrong side of moistness. A spoonful was in his mouth with little hesitation, his eyes still on Shouyou.  _What is this._ The rice was in fact, not sweet and not moist, well not moist-moist, it did hold a certain  _chalkiness_ that Shouyou had spoken of.  _Probably just the bottom of the batch._ He didn't eat the rest of it, the mysterious  _chalky_ residue too gritty on his teeth. The table was cleared after that. Shouyou washing the dishes, and hiding his rice in the bottom of the trashcan. Natsu was speaking faster than anyone had a right to, he was pretty sure she was begging Shouyou to play with him, but he wasn't certain.

He retreated back to Shouyou's room, his laptop in his lap before he could help it. He typed his password in with one hand and unlocked his phone with the other. No messages. Locked his phone. Did a scan for Wifi. None of that either. Kenma wanted to scream, very, very badly.  _What fresh hell is this._ His laptop was off and his PSP took its place. He advanced in his quest to destroy all the dragon princes in the land, and only manged one by the time Shouyou returned. He looked up, Shouyou looked down. Unpaused.  

"Sorry about Sato-san, she's kind of... I dunno, serious." Pause. Look up. Plate of pie in his face. Shouyou smiled, handed him a fork. He accepted both.  _The moment of truth._ Fork. Pie. Mouth. He chewed slowly, maybe too slowly because Shouyou looked impatient for his opinion, staring up at him from his place on the bed, close to hear each other breath. "It's very good, thank you." It was good, very good; his hand shifted, patted Shouyou's head three times just like he had done earlier. His flinch was much more subtle this time, wondered what caused the reaction in the first place. He didn't ask, mouth and attention focused on pie. 

Until it wasn't, a high pitches chirp that Kenma had confused for Natsu was actually Shouyou's phone. Which was being flipped open. _Flipped open._ _Flip. The act of... flipping. In front of my eyes. A phone. A cell phone. Being flipped._ He looked down at his pie, wondered if it was all worth it. _Shouyou has a flip phone._ _I'm not sure we can be friends any more. 'I'm sorry, Shouyou, it's not me... it's you.' moment._ He sighed. He should get Shouyou's birthday written down somewhere, the pie, so, so good. Was being  _ruined_ with the sight before him. 

 _I'll save you from this hell, Shouyou._ This hell being an out-dated piece of garbage. He nodded to himself, which caught Shouyou's attention apparently. "Sorry, Kageyama was wondering why we weren't practicing." He nodded again, trying not to stare too obviously at  _that thing._

"Oh, Right!" Shouyou exclaimed after a minute, jumping up from the bed, "Natsu is watching Spirited Away, want to join us?" It was a question, but come out like a plea. He  _really_ didn't want to do that. As much as he enjoyed staring at screens for days at a time, doing so while in proximity with a child was not something he would describe as a good time, but he nodded, unable to resist someone who could make a pie so good. 

Natsu was surprisingly quiet for someone who had screamed at him when they first met, her eyes were closed by the end of the movie, and Kenma was grateful, not sure if he could handle any more screaming for the evening. Or the rest of his life.  

Shouyou, surprisingly, picked up the small girl, and carried her with moderate ease all the way into the hallway, and into what could only be her bedroom. Shouyou emerged a minute later, and shut the door, yawning loudly. "Ready for bed?" The smaller boy asked, another yawn muffled into his arm.  _If by bed you mean: sitting in bed and slaying the dragon king, then yes._ He nodded, and followed Shouyou into his bedroom. His toothbrush was pulled from his bag and he walked into bathroom --which was confirmed to be at the end of the hall-- he looked around the small room, bath and shower combined, a sink, and a toilet that was  _really_ close to everything else. He found some pain reliever and other pill bottles that he couldn't recognize from the name of, and toothpaste. Spearmint. He wouldn't have to bring his own next time. 

He made quick work of cleaning the in and outs of his face and then returned to Shouyou's bedroom. The smaller boy had changed into a very, very large hoodie. The neck hole looked about as wide as Shouyou's neck and exposed most of his muscle-lacking chest. Smooth legs were sticking out of the bottom.  _Smooth. Shaved? Had Shouyou not... matured?_ He hoped more importantly, that Shouyou was wearing underwear, but wasn't about to ask. Shouyou moved past him, and into the bathroom, the sink running a moment later. He took this moment to change into his pajamas, and put his toothbrush away.

Shouyou returned a moment later, and Kenma was standing in the middle of the floor. "Oh right." Shouyou hummed,  _oh god, not you too._ "We could probably share, but I think we have a futon around here somewhere..." He trailed off, looking around the room as if it could be hiding in plain sight. Kenma looked at the far wall, next to Shouyou's bed. Outlets. He could use his phone in bed. He looked back at Shouyou, measuring him mentally. The other ball was small, looking even more so in his hoodie, which had somehow slid over one of his shoulders. 

"It'll be fine."  _You're small enough,_ was on his tongue, but didn't want to insult his maker. His pie maker. Kenma tugged his bags off the bed and set them against the wall, his phone charger was pulled out and he settled on the bed a moment later. Shouyou turned off the lights without warning and then climbed onto the bed next to him, a heavy weight that made the pillow shift below him. He adjusted the brightness on his phone, turned down the brightness as well, then settled again. 

He wasn't sure what time it was when the pillow shifted again, then a weight settled on his mid section. "Shouyou." He said, voice thick from disuse. Shouyou hummed in askance as if nothing was  _unusual_ about this. "You're on my stomach." Not as much of an accusation as a question. "It's comfy too." He stated, Kenma could hear the smirk. He sighed, then squirmed, Hinata's head was really warm on top of him, made even worse by the lack of A/C during a Japanese summer.


	8. Chapter Eight: Kenma II

**Chapter Eight: Kenma II**

_Not_ having his stomach burning was something that Kenma thought would be weird to think about. Weird to miss. He remembered all at once how to open his eyes, and did so. Shouyou's  _room._ It was much brighter during the day time, obviously, but less _lived in._ There was no heat radiating off of the walls, despite the beams of sun pulsing through the flicking curtain beside him. _Oh._ _Not the room, that's me._ He pulled Shouyou's blanket around him, wondering when it had been pushed off. His phone was drawn to his hand, a warm familiar weight in an unfamiliar bed. _Shouyou's_   _bed,_ he reminded himself. Unlock. A message from his mother, not long ago, probably why he woke up, aside from the _missing_ heat.

 **"Call me when you get up. Don't waste your summer sleeping."** It's warmer than her usual messages, he can't figure out why when his brain isn't working properly. _Call me._ He never really _calls_ his mother, or his father for that matter, it's a little strange. Taking a train for four hours for an apple pie would also look strange. Not that his mother knew about they train. Or the pie. Or Shouyou. _Shouyou._

A flick of the blankets revealed no bright, bright hair, or a too big sweatshirt, or pale skin, or a rice-spitting-rival. _I should have guessed. Rises with the sun._ The bedroom, and house at that, was oddly quiet for one -maybe two- sunshine child -children- to be awake. He sighed, scooted back, levering himself up on his elbow.

An average person would probably have spotted Shouyou earlier, a bright shock of _orange_ hair against a clinically white wall. Kenma was not a normal person, admitted to himself after years of observing other _normal_ people, so it took him a moment. He blinked. Then yawned. Then blinked again. Shouyou  _is in the corner._

That sent a buzz up his legs, making them feel bloodless but _pulsing_ at the same time, the blanket, _Shouyou's_   _blanket,_ was thrown off his body. The shock of morning chill didn't faze him as much as it normally would have as he approached the corner of the room, _Shouyou's room._ "Shouyou?" His voice was quieter, lower than usual, wondered if Shouyou had heard him. No response. _Remain calm._ He didn't know about Shouyou's sleeping habits, _he_ could be the one freaking Shouyouout.

Shouyou's body was moving, _breathing_ , barely noticeable through the amount of fabric covering his entire frame. He cleared his throat, "Shouyou?" He asked, just a little louder. The boy on the floor jerked, his head flipping up to reveal a pale-faced Shouyou, who looked up at him with pupils wide enough to draw notice. Shouyou didn't speak to him, just stared at him, his body now _shaking,_ his nostrils flaring with loud, uneven breaths. Kenma stepped forward, and Shouyou leaned back, his pink arms pulling his knees closer to his shivering frame. _Pink._

Kenma's head tilted as he observed Shouyou, the other's arms were shuddering almost too much to get a good look at them, but the build up under Shouyou's fingernails told him all he needed to know. _Shouyou scratching himself. In a corner._ He swallowed, actually uncomfortable for the first time since discovering Shouyou in the corner.

Shouyou's eyes followed him as he got closer, the white of his eyes getting larger and larger as the brown of his irises got smaller and smaller. "Shouyou?" He asked, realizing that that's all he's said since he discovered the other. _In the corner. With scratches._

Shouyou made a weird noise as Kenma settled next to him, almost like a yelp. "Are you okay?" He wasn't expecting an answer, or even acknowledgement, to his question, but Shouyou made another noise, then his face was hidden from view again. His body shaking even harder than before. A series of small noises escaping the ball of too big hoodie, _Is he crying?_

He'd never seen another person cry before, never had the action directed at him. _I should... do something?_ His hand froze over Shouyou's vibrating head. _Not there,_ recalling all of the times Shouyou had flinched from having his head touched. He could feel Shouyou's heat through the hoodie, rubbed over his shoulder, hoodie fabric shifting with his hand with each shift.

"It's okay." _It'll probably be okay,_ but less is more, even he knew that. "It's okay, Shouyou." He murmured again, then made his own noise as his body was suddenly _too hot. Shouyou's_ arms were around his neck, the raw, damaged flesh knotting around him, Shouyou's lap was in his, their chests pushed together, making breathing very difficult when Shouyou's body kept convulsing against his. He rubbed his hands over Shouyou's back, the heat too necessary to his existence to pull away from. More words spilled from his mouth, combinations he never thought he would use.

"It's okay, Shouyou."

"You're going to be alright, Shouyou."

"Please stop crying."

It felt like hours before Shouyou slumped against him, breathing becoming much easier even with the weight on top of him. Realistically, it couldn't have been more than an hour, but he really wished he had brought his phone with him to check on Shouyou. Having something in sight but unable to grasp it.

He wondered what Kuroo would say about it, _You chose a person over your phone?_ He'd probably laugh then, and then _hug_ him. He sighed into Shouyou's collarbone. Noticed that was also red and raw. Sighed again. _Chalky rice, mix-matched eyes, flinching from contact, crying, scratching._ There was no logical connection that he could draw from that. Wondering if Shouyou would say anything once he calmed down. He doubted it, for some reason. Shouyou seemed like an open person, _invited an almost stranger to his home,_ but this seemed like something they'd never speak about again. Something that would be kept in dark thoughts. It was comforting, in a way, realizing that Shouyou was a person, just like him. Had feelings other than happiness and competitiveness. Had something other than volleyball on his mind.

He wouldn't admit it to himself, but he was _interested._ Interested in another person and their innermost thoughts. Something he couldn't just _read_ from them after looking at them. Shouyou wasn't what he looked like a first glance. The sun wasn't always shining and he felt sick for being _interested_ in the sun's shadow.

"Shouyou?" He asked, sometime later, there was a hum, then a sniffle. "I'm sorry." It was quiet, Shouyou's voice ragged from _crying. Shouyou_ had been crying, _and he's sorry?_ Kenma swallowed, taken aback. "It's not your fault." He didn't know that for certain, couldn't even fathom what wasn't Shouyou's fault, but it seemed like something his mother would say, _a_ mother would say. "I'm sorry." Shouyou was shaking again, and Kenma didn't think he could handle any more crying or uncomfortable breathing.

"Tell me." His voice was harder than it probably should have been, but if it worked, it worked. Shouyou's spine tightened under his hands, "I-I'm- I dunno, I'm just..." A stab of guilt pieced his gut, maybe he had been too hard, "Please tell me." He said, softer, after Shouyoudidn't speak up again. "I'm just- really scared." _Scared. Shouyou_ _was scared. Why?_ Shouyou was bright enough to make demons hide and he was scared. "Why?" He asked, an edge in his voice that he didn't want. Shouyouspluttered again, sniffling in an almost pathetically, another stab of guilt. He really isn't used to situations like this.

"Why?" He repeated a little while later, voice calmer this time, his palms rubbing against Shouyou's bare back. Wondered when they had gotten there. "I'm... I dunno." A mumble, right against his ear, Shouyou's face still hidden from him. _Scratching. Fear. Doesn't know._ He sighed silently, Shouyou was so overwhelming that it scares him.

"It's okay, I'll protect you." It was a lie, but it sounded like the truth, even to himself. Physically, he couldn't even protect himself, let alone another person; but, maybe that's not what Shouyou  _needs._ His fingers push into the space surrounding Shouyou's spine, the flesh under skin is firm with stress. He tries to fix it.

Shouyou melts against him, answering his soft words with hums of acceptance. It's much later that Shouyou pulls back, his skin screams _too soon_ as the chill settles against him. Shouyou faces him, but their eyes aren't meeting up. Tear tracks glisten down his cheeks and Kenma wants to touch them, fascinated for a reason he can't explain. "I'm sorry." Shouyou says, as if his crying were something he could control but failed to. Kenma's throat is too tight to assure Shouyou that that fault is not his. He pulls his hand from the skin on Shouyou's back and settles it on the other's cheek. He rubs softly, the dried tears fall under his fingers and disappear. Both of Shouyou's cheeks are red by the time he's done, and he's not sure if it's entirely from his rubbing.

He leans forward, almost pushing Shouyou over, forcing their eyes to meet. Shouyou's are almost black under the shadow of his bangs, a red rim swirls around his eyes, matching the color of his cheeks. "It's okay, Shouyou." He finds his voice all at once, and the other's name rolls over his tongue strangely, sacred, and strange. He's not sure he likes it.

"Shouyou." He says, testing it out again. Same feeling. Shouyou's eyes seem to pull into focus, he pulls back, Kenma's arms prevent it. "Are you okay?" Shouyou takes his time to answer, or takes his time to register the question, Kenma isn''t sure which. "I'm not sure," his voice is clearer than it had been earlier, but equally as quiet, "I woke up and I was just- really scared." He paused, then whispered, "I couldn't breath." Kenma nodded, growing more curious, not wanting to push, does so anyway. "And these?" He asks, his hands settling on Shouyou's arms where they're still wrapped around his neck.

Shouyou's gaze shifts away from his, "I'm not sure." Kenma knows it's a lie. Wonders if Shouyou knows that he knows. "I'm better now, I think." There's a smile, the big, bright fake one that he gave yesterday. Kenma nods, then pushes at Shouyou's hips. The other boy gets off of him, offers him a hand. Kenma _doesn't_ look at the red, red marks on Shouyou's arms as he takes it. The height difference is much more obvious now that they're standing, it's only a handful of centimeters, he knows, but Shouyou is shrunken down, not as bright.

His hand is on Shouyou's head before he can help himself, he pats three times, cringes. "Your hair is greasy." It's an observation, not a joke, but Shouyou laughs, _He didn't flinch._ Shouyou moves away from him, opens a set of drawers and pulls out clothes, his eyes still not looking at him, even if they shouldn't be. His lips roll. "You should cover those." It's out of his mouth and he wants to hit himself. Shouyou looks down at his arms, his cheeks heat up, and his hands are shaking. Shouyou pulls out more clothes, then leaves the room, the door shutting quietly behind him.

He sighs, and pulls his phone back into his hand, calls his mother. Her voice is different than the last time they spoke over the phone. "Good morning." It comes out clipped, his voice taking on odd tones without Shouyou here. Isn't sure why that is, "Are you okay?" She asks, and almost makes him laugh, "I think so." It's a loaded statement, hopes his mother doesn't catch on. She does. "You... think so?" He can almost see his mother's face, lips rolling in distaste, eyes narrowed in challenge. "Yes." He doesn't want to talk about it. "And why is that?" She pokes, he sighs. "My friend, he-" She cuts him off, "Which friend?" She doesn't know Shouyou, so what's the point. "Hinata... Shouyou." He sighs, away from the phone. "What's wrong with him?" He's almost offended with the question, _Wrong_ and Shouyou don't settle well in his stomach. "I'm not sure. He was crying; scared." He doesn't bring up the scratches. "How long?" _Too long._ "I'm not sure, found him like that." Her tongue clicks, "Found?" He likes how _that's_ what she chooses to focus on. "I woke up and he was like that." She hums, "Probably just a panic attack." He hates how casually she says it. _Probably. Panic Attack. Shouyou._ "Maybe." He mumbles, disinterested in his mother's opinion on Shouyou's well-being. "Anything else?" He hates how she can read him, even over the phone, "No." He lies. She hums again, "How long are you staying? You brought clothes for church clothes, right?" He remembers _specifically_ writing in his note that he had church clothes, "Just the weekend, and yes." He can hear her nod, "Are his parents home?" _I haven't even met them. Shouyou_ _didn't even say what his father did._ "No." He says, not sure if it's a lie or not. "I'd like to meet this new friend of yours." The topic changes so quickly he can't help but wonder what his mother is getting at.

He's not sure what to say besides _No._ He could like, _I think he'd like that,_ Shouyou might even like his mother, but doesn't want either of them to realize that. "Maybe one day, he lives in Miyagi." _Shit._ "Miyagi? That's a little far for a sleepover, don't you think?" He does not think that, there was apple pie, no distance could keep him. He doesn't tell his mother that. "He's good company." He defends, she hums again, "Except for the crying and fear, right?" She sounds amused now, Kenma's teeth almost grind. "Of course."

"Can I speak with him?" He knows it was coming, sighs for too long, "He's bathing right now." Her tongue clicks, and Kenma almost smiles, "I can wait." He sighs again, he's not versed in the slightest at Shouyou's bathing habits, so it could be a very long conversation. Thankfully, it's not long before Shouyou's door opens again, "My mom wants to talk." It's a warning to them both, Shouyou's hair is dripping, and flat against his head, which is smaller than Kenma thought it would be under all that hair. He offers the other the phone, Shouyou blinks, then again. "Uh-Okay." He nods, drips of water flicking onto the carpet, taking the phone from Kenma's outstretched hand.

"Hello?" He watches Shouyou's face as his mother speaks with him, there's a frown, followed by, "I'm better, thank you." _Oh fuck._ Shouyou's eyes meet his, parts of Shouyou's face is still red, and he's not sure why. Suddenly Shouyou's face crinkles up into another smile, _Fucking shitting-_ "I'd love to." This smile that is directed at him is smaller than his other ones, but it looks real enough. _Love to what?_ He's almost mad at Shouyouand his mother, but he's more curious about what they're _talking_ about, about what's making Shouyou  _smile like that._

The conversation doesn't last much longer, Shouyou pulls the phone from his ear, stares at the screen for a long time, then hands it back to him. Kenma puts it to his ear, his mother says her goodbyes and she sounds too happy to be healthy. A shudder runs up his spine as he hangs up.

"What did she say?" He asks after a while, not able to hold it in any longer. Shouyou looks up at him from over his shoulder, he's crouched over, one leg being pulled into a pair of shorts. "She asked about my _panic attack."_ Kenma's heart freezes, "Told her I was fine, then she wanted to _meet_ me." Shouyou's lips rolled as he pulled on his shorts. A shirt -long sleeved- rolls in between his hands, "You better have an apple pie waiting for me next weekend." There's a smile and Kenma wonders if he could ever see Shouyou as anything but the crying child with scratches all over his chest and arms.

"We'll see." He means to say _No,_ because he's never cooked a pie before, he's tried but never done so successfully. Shouyou's smile brightens though so he might have to learn, if only for his sake, "I dunno if I can last four hours on a train, though." Kenma nods, he can't quite picture Shouyou sitting still while on public transport.

There's another meal on the table when they leave Shouyou's room, Kenma sits across from Sato-san, her gaze landing on him briefly before _studying Shouyou_. "Make sure you eat your rice, Shouyou." It's weird, hearing someone's given name spoken with such a tone, Shouyou doesn't look fazed though, just stares at the rice bowl with a concealed grimace. "Big brother! Big brother! I helped make breakfast!" He forgot Natsu existed, forgot how annoying her voice was. "You did?" Shouyouasked, his voice and smile rising slightly. "I helped Sato-nii with the eggs!" She squealed, his stubby hand pointing at Japanese omelettes. "Wow, Natsu, they look _really_ good." Shouyou looked nice, interacting with his sister, almost felt bad that he hated small children.

Shouyou made really loud noises as he eat his omelette, giving his little sister what Kenma thought to be, an undeserved Five Star review. The eggs were way too salty, Shouyou didn't even grimace at that, just kept smiling, until he bowed, spitting the eggs and rice into his napkin. _Interesting._

The meal drags on, more so each time Natsu feels the _need_ to scream at Shouyou, then at him, and he looks up, trying to shift his face into a smile despite the salt burning his tongue. Her smile is bright and natural, unlike Shouyou's version of it. He bows slightly, then hesitates, it's not weird to call children by their given names, but he's never made a habit of it. "Thank you... Natsu-san." She giggles, despite there being nothing to laugh at, and then stares at him for the rest of breakfast. He knows it's customary to offer to help clean, but he's never cleaned another person's dishes before and wasn't sure how he should do so. Shouyou found his hesitancy funny, and he would have said something rude if it weren't for the way Shouyou adjusted his sleeves. He dropped his glare and picked up a sponge.

"Ready to go?" Shouyou asked after the dishes were washed and both of their hands were wrinkly, "Where?" he asked, slightly apprehensive. "Practice!" A volleyball was _thrown_ in his general direction and he was very thankful that Shouyou was built small. He caught it, and spun it around, Shouyou's eyes flicked to the ball, and his mouth turned into a thin line. _Interesting._ He stopped the ball, did it again, Shouyou's eyes still on the action. He was about to object to doing any unnecessary physical effort, but Shouyou just smiled at him and he couldn't say no. He wondered if Shouyou knew that he was a manipulative mastermind. He had to know, wouldn't have convinced Kenma if he didn't know all the tricks. His eye twitched at that.

He sighed loudly for Shouyou to hear, then nodded, changed from his pajamas into shorts and t-shirt under Shouyou's smile, grabbed his phone, and was led out of the door without another word. Shouyou pulled him into the same store as yesterday, Karasuno's coach sat behind the counter, same book and same bored expression as yesterday. Shouyou hopped up to the counter, "Two meat buns!" He squawked. Kenma blinked, they had just eaten, well, he had just eaten while Hinata pretended to eat. _Did Shouyou only eat meat buns? Did the rice really bother him that much?_

That information sat uneasily in his stomach, the old man gives Hinata a weird look and then gave Kenma a different look, "You can't have meat buns everyday, dummy." But there's a bag placed on the counter, Hinata digs into his pocket but the old man shakes his head, "Just make sure you eat something." It's spoken quietly, seriously, Shouyou's head tilts to the side, "R-right," Shouyou's voice is different, almost like when he had cried but not quite, "Thanks, coach!" He chirps a second later, Kenma can hear the smirk before it's turned onto him. Bright, blinding, fake.

He nods to the coach, who looks him over again, then nods, "Now get out." He looks away, but he can feel the old man's eyes on him when Shouyou pulls him from the store. Shouyou digs into the bag and shoves the entire, steaming concoction into his mouth before offering Kenma his. He shakes his head, Shouyou really needed to eat, but Shouyou just shakes the bag in front of him, insisting. He wondered how Shouyou's other friends thought of him, the bright smiles, _could they see through it? T_ he crying, _had they witnessed it?_ The scratches, _did they know?_ He didn't know what he would think of any of the Karasuno members if they _had_ known about these things. Hatred, he settles on as he watches Shouyou eat the other meat bun.

He almost feels it, too, after Shouyou makes him set for him for almost an hour. He's sweating and it's gross, but Shouyou keeps smiling and he keeps tossing. He hates himself for getting caught up in that bright smile. "Maybe we should stop." Shouyou says _long_ after they should have stopped, he doesn't look that worn out so he must be doing so for Kenma's sake. He's never been so conflicted, but he's thankful of the mercy from the smaller male.

"So, how should we spend the rest of the day?" Shouyou asks, another one of _those_ smiles on his face that means nothing but trouble.


	9. Chapter Nine: Kenma III

**Chapter Nine: Kenma III**

Kenma _really_ had to pee, _really, really_ had to pee, but unlike yesterday, Shouyou was a constant weight on his stomach when he woke up. "Shouyou." He grunted, a warning as the other boy snuggled closer into his stomach like a deranged house cat. Shouyou didn't move at all, which made the pressure on his stomach even worse, "Shouyou, I have to piss." Shouyou groaned, then yawned loudly, too loud to have been natural, his lips smacked and eventually said, "No, you don't." Then pushed his head _further_ into his stomach, "And don't use that word." _Which word?_ "Shouyou, I might pee in your sheets." Shouyou hummed for a moment, vibrating his insides, making the situation even worse. "I have more." Kenma sighed.

"Well, isn't this nice." Another voice cooed from the door, and Shouyou sat up suddenly, _Thank God,_ and Kenma looked at the door. A woman, who was not Sato-san, was standing in the doorway and was now fast approaching them. "Shouyou, who's your friend?" He wondered if everyone used Shouyou's given name, more importantly, wondered who this woman was. She was tall, like Sato-san but with lighter hair, almost brown, but not quite. Then her eyes fell into his gaze, Shouyou's  _mother._ It was weird, seeing Shouyou's eyes on someone not Shouyou, even though she probably had them first. Warm, warm brown, with wrinkles where Shouyou had smooth skin. She was tan and lithe and Kenma was left confused.

 _Tan means outside work, but she has an assistant so..._ Shouyou interrupted his thoughts with an outburst, "Mom!" the blankets were thrown off of them both, a shock of morning chill settled over his skin as he stood up as well. Shouyou was much slower walking up to his mother than he was exposing them to the cold, Shouyou's face flashed with conflict before he gave his mother a hug. _Interesting._ He bowed as much as he could with a stomach full of piss, "Thank you for having me, Hinata-san." Then stood up quickly, trying not to piss himself. Shouyou giggled, smiling over at him, "This is Kenma, he's my rival." He said as if that gave more answers than questions, Shouyou's mother looked confused for a moment, "I thought that Kageyama boy was your rival?" then Kenma wanted to laugh, the Karasuno coach had said the same thing. Shouyou didn't say anything before his mother started talking again, "Are you on the baseball team, too?" She asked, looking at him curiously. _Baseball?_

"I play volleyball, mom." Shouyou said, eyes not looking at either of them, Shouyou's mother laughed awkwardly, "Right, right, sorry." She rubbed her eyes, a yawn, _a fake one,_ Kenma noted, emitting from her mouth as she gave her son a warm smile, "I must be more tired than I thought." Shouyou's face was blank for a moment before he smiled, not quite looking at her, "You should get sleep then, Natsu won't be up for a while." Shouyou's eyes were on him as he talked to his mother.

Shouyou's mother looked at him suddenly, her eyes serious despite her _tiredness,_ "Will you be staying for dinner, Kenma?" He wasn't sure why her tone was serious over such a trivial topic, then realized it might be a passive-aggressive threat, _A threat for what?_ He wasn't sure. He swallowed the lump in his throat, "No, ma'am, I'll probably go to church, then head home." That was the plan after all, but the way both of the Hinatas said, "Church?" In varying degrees of interest filled him with guilt. "Why don't you take Shouyou with you?" She patted her son on the head, obviously not aware of the way Shouyou flinched from the contact. She smiled at him, a small unsettling quirk of the lips, "I'll make you guys breakfast before you go."

Shouyou looked like he was going to say something but a sharp look from his mother cut him off. "You really don't have to do that, Hinata-san." He said on Shouyou's behalf, and that look was on him, only for a second before it softened. "Oh I insist, can't skip a meal if you want to be strong, right?" He nodded, uncomfortable for some reason he could not name. "Then I'll get started, Shouyou can you set the table?" The boy in question nodded silently, then they all left the room, Kenma almost forgot how badly he had to pee.

The table was set by the time he left the bathroom, "Hope you boys like omelettes." Shouyou's mother said before Kenma could question the weird face Shouyouhad on. There was rice and eggs set in three places, and Kenma couldn't help but wonder if Shouyou's rice would still taste like chalk without Sato-san present. The look on Shouyou's mother's face gave the answer away before Shouyou's could. _Interesting._ "Kenma-kun, your food is going to get cold." Her voice was light, but strange and that intense gaze was on him, instead of Shouyou. "Thank you for the food." He mumbled, cutting the eggs up and shoving some into his mouth. Where Natsu's were too salty, Hinata-san's were too bland, and almost runny.

"It's very good." He lied, shoveling the rest of the eggs into his mouth and swallowing them before he could gag. A spoonful of rice was almost a mercy on his tongue, it was the same as usual, sweet and moist. _Rice. Shouyou's rice._ He glanced over at the boy, who was eating his rice with a shaky hand. The meal passed slowly, nobody moving until Shouyou had completely finished. "Not so bad for an old lady, right, Kenma-kun?" _Old lady?_ Shouyou's mother didn't look old, even with the wrinkles around her eyes. "It was very good, thank you, Hinata-san." He lied again. Wondering if it would become a bad habit around the Hinatas.

"I think there's a church around the corner from that shop, you know the one, Shouyou, with the meat buns?" He wondered if there would be more meat buns today for Shouyou, another weird look from Karasuno's coach. Shouyou nodded, at his mother's question, and she smiled, "Make sure you dress nice." She said finally, then left into the kitchen, arms full of dishes. Shouyou was gone right after that, Kenma found him in his room, digging through clothes.

"I don't think I've been to church before." Shouyou mumbled, maybe to himself but loud enough for Kenma to hear. "I guess shorts would be too casual." Kenma sighed, then moved the smaller boy out of the way, digging through his dresser for something appropriate. Shouyou had a lot of shorts, and only one school uniform. "Looks like you're wearing this." He mumbled, handing Shouyou his school uniform, "Maybe without the jacket." He added after a moment, pulling the garment from the pile. "You have to dress nice for church?" Shouyou  asked, looking up at him seriously. Kenma blinked, then nodded. Shouyou nodded along, "That's pretty cool, I guess." There was a smile and Shouyou was out of the room, presumably into the bathroom.

He took Shouyou's absence as a time to change into his own clothes, a white button up and khakis, he hated the khakis but the shirt was surprisingly comfortable despite the formal look. He pulled out his toothbrush and packed the rest of his things into his bags.

Shouyou  returned after a long moment, his messy hair contrasting the sharp look of his uniform. Shouyou looked odd in formal clothes, he didn't think it would be a sight he could get used to. "You should comb your hair." He said after a moment of Shouyou standing in front of him. The other boy laughed quietly, a color rushing into his cheeks, "Yeah, I probably should." But didn't move to do so, Kenma got up, brushed his teeth, then returned with a comb.

Shouyou was on his bed, staring down at his bare feet, his toes wiggling, Kenma took this opportunity to take on the orange monster that Shouyou called hair, pulling it through a thick mass. _Interesting._ He always thought that Shouyou's hair would be knotted and hard to manage, but it was surprisingly easy to run a comb through. Unfortunately, the comb-job only made Shouyou's hair even messier, something he didn't think was possible. He sighed, pulled away, and set the comb on Shouyou's bed. He'd know more about his hair than Kenma would.

"I made it worse." He admitted as Shouyou looked up at him, color still present in his cheeks. Shouyou's hands found their way into his hair, laughed again, "It felt nice, though, so I guess I can forgive you." Kenma didn't want to know how Shouyou could find having a piece of sharp plastic ran through his hair a pleasant experience, but didn't question it. Shouyou grabbed the comb from the bed and started at it again, "You know," he said, as he brought his hair back to its original messiness, "I really like your hair." _The flat mess with roots showing?_ "Why?" Spilled out his mouth before he could formulate a different response.

Shouyou shrugged, "I like the color, it's like Noya-senpai's, I wish I had a cool hair color." He shrugged again, then smiled up at him, the fake one. _Bleach and roots are cool but orange isn't?_ He sighed, _Shouyou is a weird one._ "You could dye it." He offered, instead of commenting his thoughts on Shouyou's natural color. The other boy hummed for a moment, the comb wiggling between his fingers, "I dunno how." He said after a long moment as if it were a big secret.

"Kuroo's mom runs a salon." He said, helpfully but so, so awkward. _Did he even remember Kuroo?_ "He's the uh-" Shouyou brought his hands into his hair, pulling a surprisingly accurate depiction of Kuroo's messy hair, "The one that reads your phone, right?" Kenma nodded, a smile playing at his lips. "How much is it?" Kenma shrugged, he hadn't been in months, his hair proof of that. "Not that much." He answered instead of a number, he'd cover for Shouyou if he didn't have enough, if need be.

"That'd be really cool." Shouyou said a moment later, standing and giving him a different smile, "Good thing I'll be in Tokyo next week, huh?" Kenma nodded, then Shouyou led them from his room, shouldering one of Kenma's bags and handing him the other. Shouyou was silent as they left his home, stayed silent as they walked down the road and towards the church Shouyou's mother had told them about.

Shouyou, Kenma realized, hadn't said anything in almost an hour. They were doing a group reading as he realized that, and looked over at the boy next to him, Shouyou looked like he was about to fall asleep, his eyes lidded in near listlessness. He elbowed Shouyou in the side, not wanting him to fall asleep during an, admittedly boring, sermon. "Shouyou." He hissed, the other boy's head shifted slowly, then looked up at him with the same listless expression. "Sorry." He said slowly. _This is odd._ Shouyou had never been to a church, which might cause some nervousness, but he didn't think Shouyou would be ready to fall asleep.

The sermon ended soon after Kenma's realization, he gave his thanks, then led Shouyou out of the church, expecting him to start jumping after being released from a such a quiet environment. He did no such thing. "Shouyou?" He asked, sometime later as they were walking towards the station. The other boy took a long moment to reply, did so with a drawn out hum, "Are you okay?" He asked, voice even despite the unsure panic in his head. Shouyou hummed again, "Mmmmyeah." He said, voice wispy and light. His eyes were still lidded over, and Kenma wasn't entirely sure what to make of that.

"'m tired." Shouyou said as they were nearing the train station. _Now that, is weird._ Shouyou always had energy to spare, Kenma was still recovering from the three consecutive remakes with Karasuno, he looked down at Shouyou. "Do you need to sit down?" He asked, wondered when he got so accommodating of others. Shouyou shook his head slowly, "I'll be fine." He mumbled, almost tripping over his own feet.

"Make sure you rest when you get home." Kenma advised, taking his bag from Shouyou's lap, they'd been at the train station for fifteen minutes and Shouyou had almost fallen asleep twice. "Yes, Kenma-senpai." There was a giggle, and Shouyou saluted at him. He blinked. "Don't call me that." He said after a long moment, then stepped onto the train. "Be careful." He said after another moment, then the doors closed and Kenma sat down. 

He had a lot to think about. 


	10. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

He waved at Kenma's departing train long after the other was out of sight, thought about texting the other boy to say _something,_ checked his pockets, no phone. Left the station. Yawned, couldn't figure out why, his head was foggy and his skin was too warm, yawned again. The walk home was boring without Kenma beside him, wondered when he'd see the other again.

 _Next week._ A voice reminded him, he nodded to himself, his head heavy. He blinked, looked around, he was closer to home than he was a moment ago. Blinked again, stood in front of Ukai's shop. Went inside. Yawned, blinked. In front of the counter. "One meat bun." His voice sounded far away but felt his lips moving. There was a bag, handed coach a bill, yawned. "Are you okay?" A curious brow tilted up at him, blinked. Coach's face much closer to his. He whined, "'m tired." Blinked again.

A belt. A seat belt. Head still heavy. Blinked again, Ukai's on the phone. He groaned.

"Where are we?" Everything is black. Blinks in reverse. Dashboard in front of him. Pressure on his chest. _Seat belt._

Warmth under his body, sky on the ground. Lifts his head. Coach again. Ashes falling onto his uniform. "Shouyou!" _Natsu._ Blinks again.

His pillow, still smells like Kenma. _Kenma has cool hair._ Yawns. Looks up. No coach. Sato-san, his mother, Natsu on top of him, all looking down at him. "-Give him more?" _More what?_ "The bottle only says two every twelve hours." _Bottle?_ He groans, the voices stop. A pressure on his shoulder. Warmth on his forehead. Groans again. "Let big brother sleep, Natsu." A whine, not from him. Heat is pulled from his body, _Natsu is gone._ Rolls over. Smells Kenma. Blackness.

Blinks. _Weird dream._ Yawns. Stretches. Looks around. _Afternoon._ Sun still bright but setting. There's something on his nightstand that isn't his phone, picks it up, _Kenma's,_ puts it down, _He'll probably want this back._ Picks up the phone next to it, texts Kenma:

 **"You left one of your games here ill bring it next weekend"** A minute, then two, then ten. Eyes are heavy. Phone beeps, twice.

 **"Hinata, coach asked me 2 check on you"** _Captain Daichi. Why'd coach ask that? Not a dream. More. Two. Bottle._

**"Im better now want to practice tomorrow?"**

**"Keep it.** " _Keep what. Game._ Blinks. Same sight, same message.

**"I cant it looks really expensive"**

**"I have another one."** Wonders how many game consoles Kenma has to just give him one. _A lot._ Wonders where Kenma works. _Probably a game store. Kenma doesn't like talking. Probably on the internet. Wonder if he'll get me one._ Laughs. Another beep.

 **"If ure feeling better tomorrow. I'll bring some of the guys."** Wonders which guys, hopes Tsukishima isn't invited. Blinks. Phone is black. Room is black.

 **"Are you really sure"** To Kenma, he can't accept this gift for a pie. Should have given Kenma the rest of the pie.

 **"Can you bring meat buns senpai"** Giggles, Daichi likes meat buns almost as much as he does.

Eyes closed. Phone Beeps. Then again. Eyes opened.

 **"Only if ure good."** and,

 **"Yes, I have some other games if you want them."** _More gifts._ He needs to make more pies. Sighs. _Kenma looks really mean but he's really nice, who knew. Model Boy, probably._ _Grand King looks nice, does that mean he's mean? Does he looks nice and is nice?_ Blinks. Grand King's number is the pocket of his uniform.

The one he's wearing.

Swallows.

Digs into his pocket. Nothing. The other one has the same piece of paper from all those days ago. Stares at it. Can't read, too dark.

Turns on the light, numbers and words stare back at him. Types them in. Saved as _The Grand King._ Swallows.

 **"Do you look nice and act nice or are you mean and look nice"** It's confusing, he's not sure how to word it, never knows how to word it. Waits. Blinks. No beep but a message is there.

 **"Chibi-chan?"** and,

 **"I'm always nice."** There's a bunch of little faces, he's not sure what to make of them, and,

 **"Why are you texting me so late, are you bored, Shrimpy-chan?"** More faces, The Grand King texts weird. Proper like Kenma but he can almost hear Grand King's voice. _Girl troubles? Daddy issues?_ He can feel the hand on his head. Closes his phone. Opens it again.

 **"I was just wondering kenma looks mean but hes really nice wondered if you were opposite"** Sends. Waits. His teeth are grimy, should brush his teeth and sleep. _Practice with Daichi tomorrow._ But he's not tired.

 **"Who's Kenma, are you cheating on me, Hinata?"** Blinks. Then again. The message is the same. The tiny faces mean the same thing. _Cheating?_ Grand King used his actual name.

 **"Kenmas my friend hes nekomas setter"** Wondered when he started referring to Kenma as his friend instead of his rival.

**"Only friends?"**

**"He's my rival"** Wonders if Grand King knew he had left that out.

 **"Anything else?"** Wonders what more there could be besides friends and rivals.

**"Like what?"**

**"Best friend? Senpai? Boyfriend?"** _Boyfriend?_ Blinks.

 **"Im not a girl"** _Did Grand King think he was a girl?_

 **"I never thought you were."** _Then why did he ask?_ then,

 **"Boys and boys can date, Chibi-chan."** He knows that, didn't know Grand King knew that, _Of course Grand King knew that._

 **"Ive never dated"** Not sure why he says it, wants to not say it. Claps his phone closed, hopes it breaks.

 **"Aww, I'll date you, Shrimpy-chan!"** There's more faces, and hearts. Speaking of hearts, his is stuck and his face is _not_ heating up.

 **"Why youre my rival"** _Mind games,_ his brain supplies, he should get away from The Grand King, _He's playing you._

 **"I'm not hearing a no."** _You can't really hear anything over text,_ he focuses on that.

 **"Why"** Simple question, should get a simple answer, _Nothing about Grand King is simple. Not even the name._

 **"You're cute, I'm hot, I play volleyball, you play volleyball. Why not, is the real question."** He doesn't think that's the real question that needs to be asked.

 **"You dont know if i like boys"** He doesn't even know if he likes boys, Kiyoko-san is really pretty, but he can't picture the two of them _together._ Can't picture Kiyoko-san with anybody, really.

 **"Do you like boys?"** It's another simple question, but when Grand King says it, it sounds like a million questions. He can feel the snake eyes through the phone. _I don't know._ He should say. _No._ Would be better.

 **"Im not sure"** He settles on eventually.

 **"Then go out with me and find out."** That's blunt. Grand King is blunt. _Blunt doesn't mean mean._ Remembers his mission. _Dating the Grand King._ Swallows. Kageyama would kill him, but he's curious about Grand King. Shouldn't be. Kageyama had warned him about The Grand King. _Mind games._ Gulps. His fingers are shaking, can't figure out why.

**"I think its a bad idea"**

**"Why?"** _Because you're the Grand King. Because you're my rival. Because I don't know you. Because you scare me. Because you see through me. Because Kageyama hates you._ Many, many reasons. Good reasons. Doesn't use any of them.

 **"Because youre the Grand King"** _All the answers in one._

 **"And you're chibi-chan, you can be my chibi-chan. I won't tell Tobio-chan, if that's what you're scared of."** _That's only one reason to be scared of you. My Chibi-chan. Belonging to someone._ That put a weird weight in his stomach. Not bad. Not good. Fear but not scared.

 **"Okay"** Dread. That's the feeling. Grand King fills him with dread, and he just said okay.

 **"That's a good boy."** More dread, _Good boy,_ it's wrong. Feels so, so wrong. So wrong that it's good, a sick good that makes his head spin. _Good boy._ A beep. He should probably put it on vibrate, it's really late.

 **"Are you busy tomorrow?"** _Why._ _A date. Grand King asked me out._ Swallows, stomach fills with dread.

 **"Yes"** It's the truth, he has practice with Daichi and others.

 **"What time?"** _All day, all night. Everyday. For at least ten years._

 **"I dunno im practicing with daichi tomorrow"** He should feel excited, but instead he feels exposed. _Snake eyes. Watching my every move._

 **"That's your captain, right? I'm sure he won't keep you too long."** He can see The Grand King's face in the tiny smiling ones that he sends.

 **"I'll come pick you up tomorrow and I'll practice with you."** Wonders how Grand King will find him. If he could just hide and he'd go away. Forever.

Night if over before he's ready, there's blinding light on his face, and a stomach is heavy. Not with Natsu like in his dream, but with cramps and he _really_ has to go to the bathroom. Gets up, ignores the could in favor of relieving himself. Natsu is on his bed when he returns. His phone is in her hands, "Natsu, what're you doing?" He doesn't want to smile, his phone is filled with Grand King's poison, but he can't help it. "Big Brother, Big Brother, your phone went _Beeeep!_ " She giggles and his smiles, brightens, Grand King's venom is rolling in between her small, vulnerable hands. He takes it. Two messages from the Grand King. One he fell asleep with and another he woke up with.

**"Good night, Chibi-chan."**

**"Good morning, Chibi-chan!"** Wonders when The Grand King sleeps, if he sleeps.

 **"Good morning, Grand King"** He wonders if that's too plain for someone who's taking him on a _date._

Looks down at Natsu, closes his phone, hiding The Grand King's evil from her. He's smiling again, wondering when he stopped, picks his baby sister up. Gives her a kiss, blows her cheek, she giggles. "Big Brother, Big Brother, it's breakfast time!" She's squeaking as he squeezes her, "Oh yeah, Natsu? What did you make today?" Pokes at her belly, she has more of it than him, wonders how she can stand the chalky rice like Kenma can. _Two. Bottle._ Shakes his head, and stares at his sister. "I helped Miss Sato makes..." she searches for the word, something she does often, he's proud of her for thinking so hard, "Pancakes!" She shouts out eventually. " _Oh yeah?"_ He gives her cheek another kiss, tastes like warmth and pancake mix. "Yes!" She chirps, then gives him a kiss back on the lips, she tastes like syrup.

"You didn't eat any without me, did you?" He asks, tone low and serious. "Nope, I promise?" He wonders if all children can lie like Natsu, or if that's just something that makes her special. _More special._ " _Promise?"_ He draws out, giving her a mock-serious look. Her lip trembles, "M-maybe one..." She admits under his gaze after a too long moment. "Was it good?" He asks, smiling once the truth was in the open. She giggles, also smiling brightly, "Of course! I made it!" Her hands are on his face, sticky from what can only be syrup. Finds he doesn't mind. "I'll just have to find out then." He puts her down, Natsu likes to walk on her own now.

She darts past him and into the living room while he washes syrupy fingerprints off of his cheeks. Natsu is climbing in Sato's lap, Sato is fighting a smile, she's always been fond of Natsu ever since they first met. Him on the other hand, was always on the receiving end of a hard look. He never returned it, because then Natsu would get mad at him for glaring at her _friend._ He attempted a smile that they could share, it felt weird on his lips.

There's no rice on the table, he supposed that rice and pancakes would be a weird mix, and doesn't question further. He hates the rice. _Two. Bottle._ Sits down, Natsu is staring at him, his pancakes are covered in sugar and syrup already. Smiles at his sister, she giggles, face covered in even more syrup.

Takes a bite, then another. The sugar is sweet and salty. Almost as chalky as the rice, but easier to handle when there's thick syrup guiding it down his throat. "My Natsu is gonna be a chef one day, right?" He finds it weird claiming his baby sister. _My chibi-chan._ His tongue burns for a second. "I want a show like Ramsey Gordon!" He has no idea who that is, but he'll always support his sister. "I bet you'll do better than him." He offers. She giggles again, her fork pressing a too big piece of pancake into a too small mouth. Sato sighs next to her, offers her a napkin. Natsu doesn't take it, just grins, syrupy lips quirking up at her. Sato looks like she's fighting another smile.

He doesn't finish his pancakes, he's too jumpy about meeting with the team _and The Grand King._ Sato looks like she wants to say something but doesn't, his food is in the garbage, thought about offering them to Natsu but the small girl is _groaning_ from being so full. He brushes his teeth, thinks about brushing his hair, then changes. He's out of the door and sending a message to Daichi to wake up, but he's already at his captain's door by the time he responds.

 **"We can play at the local gym."** He reads, as he leans against the door frame of Daichi's house. It's warm and blue and really close to Kageyama's house, Daichi jumps when their bodies collide, Hinata snorts, then offers his captain a hand to get on his feet. Daichi is a lot heavier than he thought he would be, Hinata can feel his arm _almost_ fall off by the time his captain gets to his feet. "No pork buns for you." He says, face stony and Hinata groans loudly. "It was only a joke." Daichi's arms cross, "No pork buns for a week." He's close to tears, this has to be a sick, sick joke. He bows deeply, "I'm sorry, Daichi-senpai, please don't take this away from me." He whines out his apology, but his captain looks smug, so it must have worked.

"Maybe one." The older boy said after a long moment, when they're down the street, heading, presumably to the local gym. Hinata grinned up at his captain, "Thank you, Senpai!" He bowed again as he walked, might have _accidentally_ rammed his head into Daichi's hip, but neither of them said anything so that was that. "So," he brought up as the gym swelled into view, "Who's joining us?" Daichi looked thoughtful for a moment, "Suga." _Of course._ "Nishinoya, Tanaka." _Woot woot._ "Uh-I think Kageyama is coming, and Yamaguchi might come. Tsukishima declined." _Nice. Except Kageyama. Jerk._ He nodded, smirking up at his captain, who just stared at him.

"You're sure you're okay?" _Weird._ _Why wouldn't I be._ He looked up at Daichi, at his eyes, the almost-grim line of his lips, and nodded. "Yeah, of course, why wouldn't I be?" Honest question, Daichi's lips rolled, "Coach Ukai said you passed out in his store yesterday." Daichi's eyes were both scanning and avoiding him, a stab of guilt racked his stomach. _I passed out?_ The lapses in his memories making a little more sense. "Sorry for freaking you out." It was quiet, the only proof that Daichi had heard him was the soft coloring in his cheeks and his wide eyes. "Just don't do it again." He said, sounding like a big brother, then there was a big, warm hand on his head and he jerked. _I have a date with Grand King._ He swallowed, "Sorry, I just-" Doesn't know how to finish the arm settles on his shoulders, it's big, warm and comforting as they approach the gym, Daichi doesn't say anything but Hinata can feel the curious gaze on the side of his head.

Daichi opens the door for him and suddenly there's a pressure on his face, his head is pushed back with the force of it and he's falling but stops suddenly. "What the-" He groans, blood rushing into his face painfully, "I've got you." A voice, Daichi, murmurs from above him. "Am I dead?" He asks, wondering why he can't see anything. Daichi's voice is drowned out by a louder one, "Oh! Hinata-kun, I'm so sorry, I didn't think anyone would be there." Suga-san's voice is calling him. _The afterlife is very dark._ "Open your eyes, Hinata." _Right._ Does so. It takes a second for everything to fall into focus, Dachi's head is peeking into his vision and Suga-san is in front of him. "Was that a ball?" Suga-san laughs, an awkward chuckle as his cheeks light up, "Yeah, sorry, I uh- was working on my serve." Hinata processes, then says, "You have a really strong serve." Suga-san laughs again, but his eyes are worried and focused on him.

"You should really watch where you're going, idiot." Hinata sighs. His face pulses again. He's back on his feet, then growls at Kageyame. "Maybe you should learn to receive serves better, dumbass!" There's a set of laughs from behind Kageyama, he leans, looking behind his setter, to see his favorite senpais. They walk over, wrapping arms around Kagyama's neck, the setter is pushed into an awkward height to accommodate the difference in heights.

"Yo, Shouyou!" Noya-senpai grins at him, bright and welcoming, "Yo! Noya-senpai!" Noya-senpai's eyes light up at _senpai,_ and Tanaka leans forward, taking Kagyama with him, "What about me, am I not your senpai?" He groans out the words, sounding very offended. Hinata rolls on the balls of his feet, "Well, that depends," he flashes a smile up at him, "Are _you_ going to buy us meat buns today?" he tries to keep his face half serious and half smiling, Daichi's hand on his shoulder is not helping. "I-what? But- Why do I have to buy senpai-ship?" He groans again, giving a pleading look at Noya-senpai.

Noya-senpai does not help, "Right on, Shouyou!" He praises, then he drops Kageyama's neck in favor if Hinata's. "That's my kouhai!" Tanaka-senpai, for the life of him, is looking very much like a kicked puppy, but quickly agrees to purchasing meat buns for all of them. Hinata tilts his head back, looking at Daichi, who winks down at him. Hinata's face heats up as they share a smile. Daichi's hand laves his shoulder and they boom above him, "Let's do this!" His captain voice in place. "Right!" They all yell in unison, then the call is repeated by a single voice, Yamaguchi's who appears from behind Tanaka, a ball in his hands and looking very different without Tsukishima at his side. _I don't think I've ever seen them apart. It's weird._

He gives Yamaguchi a smile, and it's returned after a long moment. Everything is at ease after that, Hinata tries to learn as much as possible from everyone there. Especially Rolling Thunder. Almost exclusively Rolling Thunder. Kageyama refuses to teach him a jump serve, after the first failed attempt. Tanaka-senpai tries to convince him to get a gym membership so he can spike harder, but he's never lifted a weight in his life and had no intentions of changing that. He wonders if The Little Giant got along with his team. P _robably._

Yamaguchi is _convinced_ into teaching him how to float serve, "You're really cool, Yamaguchi, for learning that on your own!" Yamaguchi splutters for a long moment, then says, "I had help, from Makato-san, from the local team." Hinata nods, "It's still really cool that you got him to help you." Yamaguchi is blushing now and is giving more excuses, Hinata just smiles at him then gets his serve over the net. "That was a really good one, Hinata." Yamaguchi praises. "You can call me Shouyou, if you want, I mean." Yamaguchi blinks, like he just spoke gibberish, "We're friends, right?" He smiles up at Yamaguchi, who shrinks in on himself. "R-right." He looks at Yamaguchi for a long time, "Shouyou." It's quiet, curious. Hinata laughs, "That's more like it." Yamaguchi is smiling again. "Y-you can call me Tadashi, if you want- I-I, yeah." Hinata almost laughs at how awkward the other guy sounds, but doesn't. "Okie-doke, _Tadashi."_ He giggles at the weird, pleased look on Yamaguchi's face. He serves again, it hits the net.

The meat buns taste great after a long practice, taste even better as Tanaka-senpai groans, handing over a stack of bills to Ukai, who's grinning wickedly. Tanaka hands out the buns to everyone but him, just stares down at him with a pleading expression on his face. "Can I have a meat bun, _Senpai?_ " He snickers as Tanaka-senpai's face lights up like he'd just been given a gift instead of getting played. Tanaka-senpai hands him the bag, and he extracts the last bun from it.

"You're fucking evil." A voice rasps in his ear, Daichi, he realizes after turning to look at him, "But it saved _me_ money, so I won't complain." Daichi winks at him again, and they toast meat buns before digging into them. A wicked smile shared between them as Tanaka-senpai prattles on to Kageyama about how great a senpai he is and how Kageyama should respect him more. They all split ways from there, all waving and making promises about their next practice. Hinata felt warm inside, and not just from the meat bun.

That wonderful heat did not last as long as he would have liked, his phone vibrated in his pocket and his heart filled with ice. Just knowing _who_ it was from without having to look.

 **"Are you done?"** _Very_ _convenient timing,_ he shuddered, suddenly aware of all the people walking around him, his eyes flit around, looking for The Grand King, but he was nowhere to be seen.

 **"Yes"** He sent it quickly, then looked around again, _Nothing._

 **"I'm by the church."** That was just around the block, wondered how Grand King got there instead of running into them sooner.

 **"Im coming"** He walked around the corner slowly and spotted The Grand King before he spotted him, his hair flippy and _perfect_ as usual. He was staring down at his phone, _probably reading my message,_ The Grand King was wearing plain, non-Aoba Johsai colors. Hinata wondered if Grand King looked good in every color. Wondered when he thought The Grand King looked good at all.

"Grand King!" He yelled, too loudly from too close, the other boy jumped and suddenly those snake eyes were on him, if Hinata wasn't feeling so smug about making The Grand King jump he might have been scared under that look. "Chibi-chan." Then there were arms on his shoulder, and The Grand King's face was _too_ close to his. "U-uh- What are- what are you doing?" He asked, trying to make some space between them but Grand King's grip was too strong. "Oh me? Nothing." Grand King's snake eyes crinkled as he laughed, _even when laughing, The Grand King looks scary._ He gulped, felt Grand King's eyes on his neck as he did so. "Nervous, Chibi-chan?" The Grand King asked smugly. He growled, "No." He stuck his tongue out at the other boy then _another_ pressure was applied to his face, and it definitely wasn't a ball. _Unless a ball can have lips._

He pulled away, too shocked to do so earlier, "What are you doing?" His voice sounding a little too much like Natsu's for his liking. Grand King at him, Hinata realized that they were at the same eye level, Grand King was kneeling in front of him, almost on his knees to make it happen. _Stupid fucking tall Grand King._

"Just kissing my date." His smile was on the wrong side of smug and it bristled Hinata more than he would like to admit, _My first date is with The Grand King._

_Girl troubles?_

"Aren't you not supposed to kiss on the first date?" He mumbled, looking away from the stupid Grand King, and his stupid perfect hair, and his stupid smug smile.

"You just looked really cute, Chibi-chan." Hinata growled at that, _I'm not cute._

"Don't call me that, Grand King." He hissed.

"Then don't call me that." That was fair, _But no._

"Then what would I call you?" He grunted back.

"My name, maybe? The love of your life, if you want." _Well played, Grand King, but fuck you._

"No can do, Grand King." Grand King looked smug at that.

"Alrighty then, Chibi-chan, so, what're we going to do on this _date?_ " _Shouldn't I be asking that?_

"You're the one that asked me!" And Grand King laughed at him,

"I guess you're right, we'll just kiss then." _Wait what._

"But- we can't- there's uh, people around, and there's a church right there, isn't that like, a sin or something?" Grand King laughed again, then started walking them away from the church in question.

"Where are we going?" He asked after Grand King hadn't said anything in a while, The Grand King looked around for a moment, then shrugged, looking down at him, "I'm not sure, I don't live around here, Shrimpy-chan." He sighed, this was going to be a long _date._ Grand King led him into a forest _he_ didn't even know existed. All the trees were thick and covered in moss and it was really, really quiet. Almost unnaturally so.

"This is pretty." Grand King said, giving his hand a squeeze, he wondered when _that_ had happened, "But not as pretty as you." He added, and Hinata sighed. He did not like being compared to a creepy quiet mossy forest. "And now we're alone." Grand King winked down at him, not the friendly, playful kind like Daichi had given him less than an hour ago, but an almost _menacing_ one. Maybe it was just Grand King's snake eyes giving the action more impact. Didn't have more time to think about it, since Grand King's lips were on his, _again,_ it was irksome to realize how he could recognize the feeling from only one previous instance.

"You've never kissed anyone before, have you?" Grand King asks after a long moment of Hinata being able to breath with someone so _close_ to his face. _How'd he figure that out?_ "No." He admits, quietly and looking away from The Grand King's stupid knowing gaze. "Sorry, what was that, something must be in my ears." Hinata glared at The Grand King, "No, I've never kissed anyone!" He all but yelled, the forest echoing his admission, making it ring in his ears.

Grand King just smiles wider, then sits in a pile of dried leaves, "What are you doing?" Hinata grumbles, looking away from Grand King's stupid face. "Getting more comfortable, we're going to be here a while." He growls to himself when he can _hear_ the smile that Grand King has on his face. "Why's that?" He asks, before he can tell himself not to. "I have to teach my chibi-chan how to kiss." There's something different in Grand King's tone and it makes Hinata squirm in his shoes.

"Come here." Grand King says after a long moment of silence, he's patting his lap like he's calling a dog. Hinata snorts, and turns his head. "Aww, don't be like that, Chibi-chan, I'll sit in your lap if you're going to be stubborn about it." _Wait what?_ Then all at once, there's weight on his shoulders, pushing _him_ onto the forest floor and there's a hovering weight above his legs and chest, "I've always liked being on top anyway." Grand King says, giving him another wink, and a wicked smirk before his lips are pushing into Hinata's, then pulling back. "Open your mouth." Grand King's voice is like gravel against his face and he does open his mouth, but to respond not to- _that's a tongue._

 _There's a tongue in my mouth._ He feels like screaming. _It's so wet, and warm._ He swallows. Grand King pulls back. "You could at least act interested." Grand King says, voice flat almost like a warning. Hinata splutters, not sure _how_ to respond to that. "I-What do you mean?" He swallows again, Grang King's heat still in his mouth. "Just do what I do with my tongue." Then he's _too close,_ and Hinata can smell the smell of The Grand King. _Like mint and leather._ He shudders, he could have lived very happily without this information.

Grand King's tongue pushes into his mouth, tongue pushes at his, he pushes back. Grand King huffs into his mouth, a smirk, then spins his tongue around Hinata's. He returns the gesture, _So warm. So wet. It's almost gross, but it feels..._ He's not going to think it, if he admits it, even to himself, The Grand King would know. He's not sure which of their mouths _squelch_ but the sound sends sparks down his spine and there's heat in his cheeks.

The contact is over and Hinata almost whines, his mouth filling with _not_ warmth. "You like that, Chibi-chan?" Grand King sounds breathless and it's the first time he's ever heard The Grand King sound like that. "Uh-" He answers, brain still a little hazy and _not-warm._ Grand King doesn't wait for an answer and their lips meet again, _why do I crave this warmth._ It's an odd question, he realizes, everyone wants to be warm, and the thought of kissing is suddenly much less awkward.

Grand King's tongue rolls against his again and he _moans._ Not from pain, not from anything but pleasure and he's never been more embarrassed in his life; Grand King pulls back and Hinata can see muscles working in his face but he just pulls that stupid face back against his and pushes _his_ tongue into Grand King's mouth. He can still feel that smile and he growls, pushes against Grand King's too big chest, making him fall back and Hinata falls with him.

The Grand King's heart, he realizes, is beating just as quickly as his. Their bodies are pushed against each other, then his entire body _freezes._ "Uh-G-Grand King?" Hinata asks, pulling away from the other boy, "You're uh-" He looks at the space between their bodies then back up at The Grand King, who's smiling, but with a more dazes expression that _doesn't_ make Hinata a little smug. "I'm what?" Grand King asks, sounding _very_ much like he knows what Hinata is saying. "Your...thing." He swallows, even _that_ sounded wrong.

"What thing?" Grand King asks, their eyes meeting and Hinata wanted to punch that stupid smug expression. "Your penis." He hides the word in a cough, and his face is _not_ flaming from embarrassment, it's just hot. Hot outside. "You mean this?" And Grand King _presses_ his thing into Hinata's thigh. "That thing?" Hinata nods, mute at the actions of The Grand King. _Are all first dates like this? I should really stop watching movies with Natsu._

"Your _thing_ is like that too, you know?" And Hinata is suddenly _very_ aware of how his _thing_ is reacting. He splutters, face even hotter, a feeling of _I want to die_ spreading across his entire brain. "You want me to help you with that?" And Grand King's warm, heavy hands are _sliding_ across his entire body. He whines and shakes his head, "N-no" he stutters, digging his burning face into Grand King's chest. _Grand King wants to..._ He shudders at the images his mind creates.

"Maybe next time then." Grand King says casually, then his lips are pushing at Hinata's. _Next time?_ He swallows and falls victim to that warm, wet comfort spreading through him. _Next time._ He shudders. It's hard to see Grand King's face last time they pull away. "I should probably get home," He says, panting hard against Hinata's ears, heating them and more _images_ flash across his mind. "Have a uh, _problem_ to take care of." There's enough light to see Grand King's stupid smirk, Hinata wonders how he can just talk about things to casually.

Then Grand King _smacks_ his butt and he yelps, glaring down at the stupid, perfect, laughing face. "Why'd you do that?" He whines, his ass _stinging._ "Just making sure people know you belong to me." _Belong to?_ He swallows. "Nobody looks at my butt." It's almost an accusation, but his voice is kind of choked up from not screaming at the _stinging._ "Let's try to keep it that way, Chibi-chan." _A threat._ He swallows, "R-right." He mumbles, wondering why anyone would look at _his_ butt instead of The Grand King's.

"Want me to walk you to the station?" He offers, even if he doesn't want to. Grand King shakes his head, "I'll be fine, Chibi-chan." Then Grand King ducks and gives his _cheek_ a kiss and that's weirder than shoving his tongue in Hinata's mouth. It felt _nice._ Comforting. Didn't know Grand King could do _comforting._ "See you tomorrow, Chibi-chan." _Tomorrow?_ He nods anyway, then Grand King disappears, whistling as if he hadn't just been kissing a boy in a dark forest for hours. _Grand King is scary with how casual he is. Does he do that a lot? Just pick someone and kiss them?_ Grand King seemed like the kind of guy to do that. Shrugged, walked home quietly, _not_ wanting to think about The Grand King, or his perfect hair, or smile, or lips, or tongue.

He sighed, he had a lot _not_ to think about tonight.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Chapter Eleven**

The Grand King, Hinata realized, was a very strange man.

"Why are you at my house?" He all but hissed, making sure not to wake Natsu so early in the morning. The Grand King waved him off, then those arms swooped in and _lifted_ him off of the ground; he grunted and _might_ have kicked at the Grand King's shins, _might_ have drawn out a clenched curse and then Hinata _might_ have been lowered to the ground, albeit in a slightly different location. Grand King's face morphed too quickly from pain to pleasure and Hinata swallowed on instinct.

"Thanks for inviting me in, Chibi-chan." Then that hand was on his head again, and Hinata did _not_ flinch _or_ squirm from that penetrating gaze or big warm hand. He batted at The Grand King's hand but it refused to move, he grunted, rearing his foot back, ready to finish the job volleyball had started on Grand King's knee. That seemed to get his attention, although Grand King's snake eyes went from openly curios to a silent warning in less than a second.

 _He shows a lot of emotions,_ Hinata realized, previously under the impression that The Grand King could only smile or glare. It was interesting, and slightly terrifying. "Would you like to come in?" He asked, voice oozing with sarcasm that Grand King didn't seem to pick on. The older boy smiled down at him, then bowed slightly, "Sorry for the intrusion." He whispered directly into Hinata's ear. Hinata didn't know you could feel toothpaste on someone's breath, it felt like fire and made him shiver.

"I can't offer you breakfast, but I have a feeling that's not why you're here." It was half a question, half a poke at Grand King's weirdness, speaking of which, "Grand King, how did you find my house?" _Please tell me you did not follow me home._ He had seen the other walk to the station, but he had a feeling Grand King could hide when he wanted. Grand King hummed, _like Kenma,_ then smiled at him as he put his shoes away. "I asked Tobio-chan, of course." He whispered, as if that were the _only_ way that he'd know.

"Kageyama told you where I live?" He asked, skepticism coloring his voice, so much that the Grand King had to be _stupid_ not to pick up on it. Grand King laughed, low and _uncomfortable,_ "Well, not exactly." He admitted vaguely, but didn't elaborate.

"What does that even mean?" Hinata asked, offering Grand King some slippers. Grand King took them and his lips rolled, then said, "I might have _convinced_ him to give me your address." _That doesn't sound good._ "And by 'convince' you mean?" He couldn't help but ask, reminding himself to beat the shit out of Kageyama, _after asking if he's okay, of course._ "I just asked him you lived here, then he called me an idiot and told me that you lived _here."_ _Sneaky._

"So, you tricked him." It wasn't a question. Grand King nodded, handing the slippers back after realizing they wouldn't fit on his big ass feet. Hinata was slightly pleased at this, then annoyed. _Stupid, idiot Kageyama._ "He's not the smartest Kouhai." Grand King said, probably getting a read on Hinata's face. "You still think of him like that?" Grand King laughed again, it sounded much different than the one before, lighter, but creepier at the same time. "Not quite." He wondered if Grand King only knew how to talk riddles. _Maybe it's his way to play more games._ He wasn't sure, he didn't know Grand King as well as Kageyama did.

"Aren't you going to show me around?" Grand King asked, sounding cheeky, and remained unaffected as Hinata glared at him for a long time. He cracked first, Grand King had his name for a reason, he guessed. He waved the stupid, taller boy over and lead him through the house. He walked backwards, too familiar with his own home to run into anything, and kept an eye on the enemy setter as he looked around. Grand King's eyes were free of judgement, which only made him nervous. He wondered why he should be nervous, which only made him more so.

"No couch?" Grand King asked eventually, after spending a very long time looking through all of the Hinata family pictures, "That's a shame, I was looking forward to watching movies and cuddling you." Hinata did _not_ blush at Grand King's stupid observation, and his heart was _not_ beating faster after Grand King shot him a cheeky smile. _I hate you so much,_ his mind hissed.

"You're little sister is cute." Grand King said as Hinata escorted the taller male into his bedroom, at his odd request. Hinata thought his most recent statement was more odd, "She looks a lot like you." Grand King said when Hinata just stared at him. "We're related, of course he look alike." He muttered indignantly, Grand King just smiled. "Except her eyes, yours are much prettier." Hinata just harrumphed, _boys can't be pretty,_ he wanted to say, but the look the Grand King gave him had closed his throat.

"Whatever." Hinata said, hiding his _not_ warm face behind his hair. When he looked up, Grand King was a lot shorter, and sitting on his bed, which explain the first thing. "Why are you on my bed?" He pouted, expecting another stupid comment on how _the sheets complimented your ears_ or something to that degree. Grand King just leaned back instead of answering, his head knocking loudly into the wall. Hinata snorted, then giggled, then laughed his ass off, trying to conceal it into his hands so Natsu couldn't hear him.

Grand King shot up, rubbing at his head and pouting, which only made him laugh harder. "That's not very nice, Chibi-chan." Grand King moaned, "I could have a brain injury." Hinata had to find his breath before he could respond with, "You need a brain to get a brain injury." Which, in his defense, was hilarious. "So mean." Grand King sniffled, then lunged at him. Hinata tried his best to escape, but his door was closed and he had nowhere to run. "I'm sorry, Grand King, please don't kill me." He belted out as fast as possible as the Grand King crawled closer and closer. "Please spare me." He whined as Grand King's face approached his, those snake eyes keeping him locked in place.

Then there was heat on his face, _Grand King's breath,_ he realized. It was silent around them, except for the sound of breathing, Hinata swallowed, feeling awkward at the proximity of their faces and the way Grand King was _studying_ him. "I didn't mean it." He offered, trying to push Grand King's shoulder back, which only seemed to bring the other closer. Then there was _more_ heat, and pressure, on his lips. "Make it up to me?" Grand King asked, after he pulled his lips _and heat,_ back.

Hinata was at a loss for words, so he nodded slowly. Grand King smiled, his face shadowed with his fluffy hair, then brought his lips back in. _Grand King's eyes close when he kisses me,_ Hinata notices, trying not to be overwhelmed with the _fire_ that Grand King prods into his mouth. He obliges, swallows again, then remembers their _lesson_ from yesterday and prods back, Grand King's tongue feeling like lava against his. Hinata studies Grand King's face as their tongues collide, his eyebrows aren't as evil looking when they're this close, his eyes seem to vibrate under their lids, and his tongue is really, really warm. _and wet._

He was lost in the heat, could feel the blood pumping in his ears but no sounds came through. He was pretty sure The Grand King was talking, could feel those lips move against his too warm cheeks, but he just pulled their lips back together and got lost again. He never imagined that _kissing_ could or would feel this nice. His head was swimming, only barely registered when Grand King's too big hands landed on his back, on his stomach, on his hips.

Grand King's touch made him squirm, too hot claws pushing into already burning skin, but the other refused to relent and Hinata didn't know how to stop. If he could stop. "Grand King." He whined, when those hands traveled under his shirt, feeling hot where Kenma's had been cold. "What is it, Chibi-chan?" Came a muffled reply, Grand King's head was on his shoulder, licking, biting, _sucking._ He shuddered, "You-what're you doing?" He gasped, head tilting back, hitting a wall but not laughing or hurting.

"Making you feel good." Came Grand King's voice, voice as ragged as he felt, the hands on his back followed the curve of his rib cage, _dragged_ onto his stomach. Grand King froze. "You should really eat more." He registered the lack of nickname, "I'm fine." He whined, pressing his body into that overwhelming mouth and torturous hands. Grand King didn't refuse him, sucked and nipped, and a whole bunch of other words that Hinata couldn't name, all over his neck. He wondered if they'd leave marks. _Just showing people you're mine._ He whined, his mouth feeling almost freezing without Grand King's presence.

"Grand King." The other pulled back, his lips making a disgusting noise as it was removed from his neck, "Yes?" He sounded so casual when he answered, he wondered what made Grand King squirm, feel that _burning_ that he felt. "Please kiss me." Grand King giggled, then pecked his lips. _He's teasing me._ He wanted to scream. "Please." He tried again, nearly on the point of begging and he didn't know why. "Aren't you a little kiss slut." Grand King cooed, then those lips were on his and that was that.

 _Slut._ He'd heard that word used before, never had it directed at him before. _Feels weird being called that._ But if _needing_ that heat the Grand King provided, then he'd be happily called a slut forever. Grand King swallowed his thoughts and the stayed like that for a long time.

"Big Brother! Big Brother!" Came from _too_ close, and Hinata's heart stopped. His door, the one he'd been leaning on with Grand King on top of him, was pulled from beneath him and they fell onto the floor. Natsu squealed, overpowering the sound of his head hitting the floor. "You're not Kenma!" Natsu screeched, then stepped forward, looking ready to fight someone who could easy tower over someone three times her height. "Where's Kenma?" He asked, arms crossed and pouting.

"Yes, Chibi-chan, where is Kenma?" Grand King asked, a weird look in his eyes. Hinata, who's entire though process had been focused on Grand King, reeled back, then spluttered. "I have more than one friend, Natsu." He explained, trying to crawl out from under Grand King before his sister questioned _that._ "Nu uh! Kenma's the only who's come here." _I swear to God._ He looked up at Grand King who was _laughing,_ then Natsu was giggling and he was left pouting all the way to breakfast.

"And who are you?" Sato asked, tone making Hinata flinch, Grand King's reaction was composed and _perfect._ "Oikawa Tooru, I'm friends with Hinata, pleasure to meet you, thanks for having me." Hinata cringed, Grand King was so formal and casual and sounded _nothing_ like he had just been sucking his _friend's_ lips off. Sato looked at him, he smiled and nodded, and another plate was on the table. "You're becoming very popular, Shouyou." She commented, tone amused but face cold as usual.

He huffed, ignoring the smiles shared between Grand King and Natsu, "I've always been popular." He said loudly, crossing his arms and frowning at his sister. "Yes, of course, must have slipped my mind." Sato commented, sending a sharp look at his rice bowl. He sighed, preparing his gag reflex, then tucked into the meal.

Grand King's eyes were on him as he spoke with Sato and occasionally Natsu. "How long have you known Shouyou, Oikawa-san?" Sato asked first, Grand King looked _something_ at the use of Hinata's given name, then answered, "Since he stared at Karasuno." Sato's eyebrow rose at that, "Do you also go there?" And Grand King laughed, making Sato's cheeks light up. "No, ma'am, I go to Aoba Johsai." She nodded at that, hiding her cheeks behind her napkin, which gave Hinata time to hide something else in his own.

"Then how is it that you know each other?" She asked, looking at Grand King curiously. Grang King just smiled at her from across the table, "We're rivals, in a way." Then Sato snorted, looking at Hinata, "I thought Kageyama was your rival?" at the same time that Natsu squealed, "I thought Kenma was your rival?"

Grand King laughed again, slid his hand over Hinata's shoulder, commenting, "You have a lot of rivals, but I'm your favorite, right, chibi-chan?" and Natsu squealed again before he could answer, which was almost a blessing considering his throat and face were too hot to formulate a proper response. "Chibi-chan! Chibi-chan! He calls you chibi-chan!" Natsu was laughing again, which he normally wouldn't have minded, until _she_ started calling him that, "I'm taller than you!" He almost yelled, then everyone was laughing. He took that moment to deposit more rice into his napkin, only to find said rice on his lap.

Grand King's eyes were on him as he picked rice from his shorts, he looked over at him, and those snake eyes were on him, studying with no hint of merriment despite the smile on his lips. His heart froze when he realized that he actually had to eat the rest of it now, and his stomach grumbled quietly, he'd usually have meat buns by now. He sighed into his rice and glared at Grand King from the corner of his eye. He just really hoped that he didn't pass out again. _Sure it's bad, but I didn't think it'd be bad for you._ _I wonder if I'm allergic to rice. The only guy in all of Japan to be allergic to rice. Who's already REALLY good at volleyball._ He's not sure that's exactly what he wants to be known for. Except maybe that last part.

Grand King leads him out his house with smiles and waves, then turns around and pushes Shouyou against the now closed door. "What's this?" He asks, shoving Hinata's napkin under his nose, there's anger and something else in The Grand King's voice, _is he worried?_ Hinata frowns, _unlikely._ "I just really don't like rice." It's the truth, Grand King looks like he believes otherwise, but his eyes are no longer glaring into his. "Then why does she make you eat it?" He shrugs, _everyone eats rice,_ that didn't feel like a good answer.

"I'll buy you something." Grand King says, and it's not an offer, he shakes his head, "You _really_ don't have to do that, I'll be fine." Grand King is glaring at him again, "You're too skinny, Hinata." It's almost a growl, but he's too focused on the fact that Grand King had just used his name. He's already feeling kind of dizzy from his half serving, _maybe I really am allergic._ Grand King is still looking down at him expectantly and he shrugs, "Let's just go do something, you promised to practice with me." Grand King breaks into a smile at that.

"I don't remember _promising_ that, but since you're so cute, I guess I can't refuse."

Practicing with The Grand King was weirder than Hinata ever would have expected, Grand King knew a lot about volleyball, Hinata would give him that, but he could do without the compliments and awkward touching. He was pretty sure that Grand King had no shame, continuing to  _grope_ him as a group of old people stared at them from the court next to theirs. 

About an hour into practice he started feeling tired like had the other day, Grand King gave him a weird look and insisted on buying him lunch. "That's what boyfriends do, dummy." He explained, pulling him into a shop.  _Ukai's store._ It felt like more than coincidence, he never mentioned coming to this shop everyday since he started high school, but he had walked from this direction when he had met Grand King at the church yesterday, so maybe that was just an obvious conclusion to The Grand King. 

Coach Ukai's smile quickly turned into shock when they walked into the store, "Oikawa-san, what're you doing around here?" Ukai asked, voice almost suspicious, his eyes landed on Hinata almost immediately and he did not like the look in his coach's eyes. "What?" He asked, slightly freaked out by his coach's look.  _He's really creepy sometimes,_ he couldn't help but notice. "Just helping out a fellow volleyball player, Ukai-san"  _I feel like I should be shocked that Grand King knows coach's name and yet..._ Grand King looked down at him, gave him a weird smile, then asked, "What's good for lunch, Chibi-chan?" He didn't even have to think for long before he blurted, "Meat buns!" Making Grand King laugh.  _Meat buns are a very serious matter, dumb head._

Ukai jumped at his outburst and Hinata realized coach was  _still_ staring at him, "R-right." He said stiffly, "How many?" cleared his throat,  _he should really stop smoking,_ then looked at Grand King, who looked at him in askance. "How many meat buns do you want, Grand King?" He asked, very much intending on  _convincing_ Grand King to get him as many as possible for taking his napkin this morning. "Six, should be enough, right?" Then a nod at Ukai before he could tell Grand King that he wanted twelve. 

Ukai took a long moment to nod, his eyes still on Hinata, and then there was a heavy looking bag in front of him and he forgot all about his coach's weird look in favor of staring at the meat buns. Grand King dropped a few bills on the counter and gave thanks to the store, "Make sure you eat a good dinner, Hinata!" Ukai yelled as they were leaving, right in time to get knocked onto his ass. "What the fuck?" He groaned, rubbing his aching head as he tried to get to his feet.  _Stupid idiot could at least apologize--_

"Oh, hey Tobio-chan." Grand King greeted as if he weren't in enemy territory and running into his old kouhai. Kageyama was silent for a long time, his bangs flipping back and forth, looking between Grand King and Hinata, before he yelled, "What the fuck--Oikawa-san, what are you doing to Hinata?" 

 _Grand King didn't hit me with a door, you fucking idiot._ He growled, and got to his feet, "You could at least say sorry for hitting me with a door, Kageyama." He muttered, now rubbing his butt. He looked up at Kageyama and couldn't help but snicker at the confused look on his face. "You should probably move from the door, Tobio-chan, you're blocking the customers." A quick look around Kageyama revealed no customers, but Kageyama looked to stunned at seeing his senpai to do more than backtrack and then yell again, this time at him.

"Hinata, idiot, did you get into another fight?" Hinata blinked, "Fight?" He asked hesitantly, looking over his body for blood or something. Just sweat stains.  _Gross._ "Your neck, you moron."  _Oh, well it's not like I can see--_ "What's wrong with my neck?" He asked, probably more aggressively than needed, but Kageyama was still yelling, and it was ruining his meat bun high. 

"It's bruised and bleeding." A swipe at his neck only showed crusted red.  _Dried. What the fuck?_ Grand King's snicker next to him gave him all the information he needed.  _Just making sure people know you're mine._ He fought a blush, trying to remain as stoic as possible in front of Kageyama. "I must have fallen."  _Excellent._ Kageyama made a noise in his throat that sounded skeptical, "Idiot, you should be more careful." It was a mutter and he wasn't looking at Hinata anymore.  _Aw, he really does care._

His musing was interrupted when Kageyama decided to yell,  _again,_ "What's he doing here?" He asked, pointing at Grand King, who smiled down at his old classmate, then waggled the bag of meat buns in front of him. "Just getting lunch, a gift from one good volleyball player to another." He said with a wink at Hinata, forcing a heat across his cheeks even though he  _really_ wanted to be mad for having Ukai and Kageyama see his  _marks._ He shuddered.  _Marked by Grand King._ It had a weird ring to it, like he was one of Grand King's six wives,  _now we just need a sport's car._

Kagayama huffed at The Grand King's statement, "That idiot isn't good."  _You insult your teammate but not your rival..._ Hinata really, really wanted to hit his setter but Grand King was holding him back, he frowned. "Chibi-chan will prove himself at the Spring Tournament, he's a good disciple, unlike someone." The tone was light but there was challenge in the cocky smirk that Grand King gave Kageyama. 

Then that glare was on him "You're getting help from him?" It sounded angry, and offended, and Hinata wondered how Kageyama would react if he knew he was getting more than help from The Grand King.  _He'd probably kill one of us._ He nodded, and Kageyama growled. "Want to join us for meat buns?" Grand King asked when Kageyama's mouth open and closed for the sixth time. A look up at Grand King garnered him a smile and a wink, Kageyama didn't say anything and the both of them followed The Grand King as he led them to a nearby bench. 

The meat buns were split one, two, and three, in Hinata's favor, with a pleading look at The Grand King. "What are you doing here?" Kagayma asked, yet again, once they had tucked into their buns. Grand King finished off his bun and then smirked at his kouhai from over Hinata's shoulder, "Isn't it obvious?" Kagayama's face implied that it was anything but, and he snickered again, "I'm taking Chibi-chan under my wing, so to speak." Kageyama started choking, and then coughing, when heard The Grand King's words, when he settled, his croaky voice asked, "He's teaching you to serve?" They had done more than serving, but Grand King taught him the basics of jump serving. He nodded and Kageyama looked  _broken?_

Kageyama stood up abruptly, bowed and gave thanks before rushing off with another word. He was about to walk after his setter but a hand on his shoulder stopped him, Grand King's face was stern and his smile was softer. "He'll be fine." Grand King said before he said anything, "He's probably just jealous." He added quietly, like an afterthought.  _Jealous?_ _Grand King is good but Kageyama is good too--_ "Why would he be jealous, he's already a setter?" He had to ask, and Grand King's lips twitched. "When we were in middle school, Tobio-chan asked me everyday to teach him how to serve." Then went quiet, eyes distant, "Did you?" And Grand King hummed, "Teach him?" He clarified, and Grand King laughed. 

"No," he leaned back, pulling Hinata against him, making him squirm, "Tobio's a genius, and there's only so much I could teach him." Hinata nodded, Kageyama was really good at setting, even if he was a jerk about it. "You bit me." He said, glaring up at the now laughing Grand King, "My mouth looks good on you." Then their faces were really, really close. 

Grand King walked him home after that,  _I can't believe he kissed me in front of all those old people._ He really wanted to hit The Grand King, but he couldn't quite reach that stupid, perfect smile so he quelled the urge. For now. "Are you busy this weekend?" It was a weird question since Grand King seemed to show up whenever he pleased, but he found himself nodding. Then a quirked brow had him saying, "I'm going to Kenma's for the weekend." Then Grand King was nodding  _and frowning?_

"You'll miss me right?"  _Is he nervous?_ He laughed, only a second, then wrapped his arms around The Grand King's stomach, "And if I did?" A smile down at him, "Then you'd get more of these." And that face was against his, and Hinata forgot how to breath.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Chapter Twelve**

Grand King showed up the next day, thankfully at a more reasonable hour -after breakfast where his napkin couldn't be stolen again. He greeted Sato and Natsu like they were family, even going so far as to offer volleyball lessons to his sister so that Grand King would be her rival too. Hinata thought that was weird, and sweet, Natsu hadn't shown any previous interest in volleyball before Grand King had showed up. He shrugged it off and took the hand that Grand King offered them.

"So, what are we doing today Grand King?" He asked, breaking the silence that had built up after they left his house. Grand King looked down at him, tan skin glowing and teeth _gleaming_ as he smiled down at him, "Well, first we'll get you some breakfast," then that smile flattened out, and Grand King was giving him a serious look, studying him behind chocolate eyes. Hinata scoffed, "I can pay for my own breakfast." He admitted with a cross of his arms.

"I know that, I just want to take care of my chibi-chan." Then Grand King's ribs were pushing into his face and he wasn't sure if his cheeks were burning or Grand King was secretly an overheating robot. "What do you mean by that?" He asked, words muffled by Grand King's volleyball jacket. Grand King stopped walking and those big, warm hands were roaming over his shoulders, "What was that?" He asked, _stupid, deaf Grand King._ Then removed his face from The Grand King's chest.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Mean by what?"

"When you call me yours." His words were quiet, only for Grand King to hear.

Grand King laughed again and his ears burned, he pouted up at the older boy, and Grand King's hands stilled, "Isn't it obvious?" _Obviously not, or I wouldn't be asking._ He shook his head, and Grand King sighed, then those snake eyes were level with his, almost commented on how Grand King was on his knees before him but the serious look he was getting closed his throat.

The eyes before him softened, and Grand King looked suddenly looked like he did when he was on TV, "I want you to be mine. Forever. Boyfriends. Partners. Setter and spiker, if you want." Hinata scoffed, "Wouldn't your Number Four get mad if I took you away?" Grand King smirked, "I'm sure Iwa-chan wouldn't mind, he's always had a soft spot for cute things, like yours truly." And then his smile changed into something that couldn't be described with cute. _Perfect, maybe, but not cute._ But he nodded, grateful that he wouldn't have to face Number Four's wrath, or spike to the face, "You call that big guy Iwa-chan? He's like _whoom!_ and the ball goes _WHAM!"_ Grand King nodded, "We've known each other for a long time, since middle school."

"Didn't you meet Kageyama in middle school?" Grand King nodded, "He looked the same as he does now, just shorter." Hinata had a very hard time believing that, "He always looked like a lemon?" Grand King laughed, and it warmed something inside of him. He could see why Grand King was so popular now, _Aside from his really cool serve, speaking of-_ "Can you teach me to serve like you?" He asked, couldn't help it, volleyball would forever be his first priority.

Grand King tapped his chin and only answered when Hinata gave him _the eyes,_ "Ugh! Fine, just stop with those puppy-dog eyes." It was his turn to laugh, _Hinata:1-Grand King:0_ and smiled to himself, "I was gonna teach you something else, but I _guess_ we can work on serves." _Does Grand King also know Rolling Thunder._ "What is it?" He all but yelled, gaining him several looks for several townspeople, one of which he recognized as the pastor from Sunday, "Might have something to do with these." Almost asked what, but his lips were covered, Grand King's thumb brushed over his lips. _Soft, even with all his serving._ _Leave it Grand King to have soft hands while serving so hard._ He bit Grand King's thumb.

"Okay, okay," he hissed, trying to pull his finger back but Hinata pressed his teeth in harder, "I get it, my chibi-chan is hungry." And his teeth snapped open for rebuttal then paused, "You tricked me." Another pout, Grand King's arm wrapped around his shoulder and they both looked at his injured thumb. "You marked me." _Just showing people that you're mine._ Hinata turned his face away, hiding his stupid, burning cheeks. "Did not."

"Did so." Then Grand King's lips, _soft and warm and venomous,_ He gulped, "Want me to return the favor?" His spine tingled, "N-no," his hands clamping around his exposed neck, "You already did _that_ yesterday and everyone, including my sister, saw it, jerk."

"I'll make it up to you, with breakfast." He wasn't allowed to refuse, Grand King practically holding him down as he gave the bills to a stunned looking Ukai, the coach saying nothing as Grand King carried him, and the meat buns, away from the store. "My coach is gonna call the police on you." He said around an entire meat bun, making Grand King cringe.

They were back on the bench from yesterday, Kageyama thankfully absent, "Would you come visit me in jail?" He glared at The Grand King before smirking, "Nope." He said, face straight as he grabbed another meat bun. "B-but, Chibi-chan, I thought you loved me." _What._ Might have choked on those words, and a meat bun.

Warm hands slapping his back until he managed to swallow everything, "Why would you think that?" Grand King's hands were warm on his back but his face was cold, _I think I made him mad._ "Because I love you." Casual. Quiet. _The truth. No games._ He swallowed, _I can't love Grand King, I barely know him._

"Why?" Grand King barely knew him either, how could he say something like that, "You're cute and sweet, and you like volleyball, and I really want to kiss you." _You barely know me._ Grand King's cheeks were red, a smooth rush of color across his tan cheeks. _Stupid perfect skin, even when blushing._ He sighed, "I don't know." It's the truth, he really didn't know if he liked, let alone loved The Grand King, but he'd always respect him. Grand King's chin wrinkled at his words. _Are those tears?_

"I'm really sorry." He admitted, feeling guilty for being unable to return Grand King's feelings, but Grand King just smiled, not like his usual bright smile, no teeth and barely upturned lips, "It's fine, Hinata, you don't just love me yet." _No chibi-chan. Is that good or bad?_ He swallowed, _yet?_

Grand King's hand was in front of his face again, bite mark still there and slightly purple, "Besides, this'll be proof enough until you're really sure." And Grand King was laughing again, and so was he. _Such an idiot._ He sighed, heart feeling warm but icy. He leaned against Grand King, offering some comfort. "Sorry I'm a bad boyfriend, Grand King." _Boyfriend._ It felt weird coming out of his mouth, someone like him being _boyfriends_ with someone perfect like The Grand King.

Grand King's arm was around him, pulling him closer, his breath smelt like meat buns, _I think I can love this smell,_ he leaned against Grand King, wanting to comfort him for hurting his feelings. "People are staring at you, Grand King." He said eventually, finally noticing the looks the other was drawing. Grand King snickered, "I think they're looking at us." He looked up, "What's the difference?" He frowned. "You really don't know how cute you are, do you?" Grand King's voice lacked that usual tone when he said cute, he shook his head, "Compared to you, I'm just-"

"Don't compare yourself to me, Hinata." _My name again._ His stomach squirmed at that, "Why not? You're so tall, and your hair is like _hwahh,_ and you spike really good, and your face is-" He cut himself off, cheeks burning at almost saying something nice about Grand King's stupid face. "Is?" He could hear that stupid smirk and he just hid his face in Aoba Johsai's colors.

It was dark when Grand King walked him home, Hinata watched the other's face as he lead the way, a mixture of shadows as they walked in between street lamps. "Thank you for teaching me to serve, Grand King." He said when the silence was starting to bother him. Grand King's laugh was refreshing in the summer heat, filling him with more stupid feelings he couldn't explain. "Can't have my boyfriend suck at serving, it might ruin my reputation." _Reputation?_

"You told people about us?" It sounded more like an accusation than he had intended, but that had given him a shock, _I didn't think he'd want to be seen with me._ There was relief and something else pooling in his stomach as he waiting for Grand King's answer, "Just Iwa-chan, well, I didn't tell him, he just figured it out, I guess." Grand King nodded to himself, then shot a smile at him. "Do you want people to know?" He could feel Grand King's eyes studying him. Hinata hummed at the question, he hadn't really thought about it before now, "Kageyama would kill me." Grand King nodded, "My mom would kill me." Another nod, "Natsu would- I don't know what Natsu would do, she really likes you." Grand King chuckled, more _something_ pooled in him with every moment of it, "Don't worry, Hinata, I only have eyes for you." Then Grand King's lips were against his.

"You still didn't answer my question." Hinata didn't really feel like answering questions, except for maybe, _Would you like to kiss more._ He shrugged, "It's up to you, wouldn't want to ruin your _reputation,_ or anything." He mocked but with no bite. Grand King laughed again, a peck on his cheek when he was done, "Guess I'll get your collar out."

"C-collar?" He gasped, reeling back to glare at Grand King. "Maybe with cute little diamonds, Property of Grand King, written on it- and I'm kidding." He didn't think it was very funny, _You're mine._ "Maybe a ring, or some more hickies, if you're not into jewelry." Another wink, and Hinata rubbed at his burning neck. _I think Grand King was raised by wolves._

His house was much closer than it had been two kisses ago, "Will you be back tomorrow?" It slipped out, and then he realized how much he really wanted it to be, felt his heart sink a little when Grand King shook his head. "Gotta practice with my team for the Spring Tournament, and you should be doing the same, I'd hate for my expert coaching to go to waste." Hinata scoffed, "I'll make sure to beat you, and everyone else while I'm at it." Grand King laughed against his cheek and gave him another kiss, "I might come up before you leave for Tokyo."

"How'd you know I was going to Tokyo?" He shot Grand King a look, Grand King just pecked him again, "Kenma goes to Nekoma, right?" A nod, then a kiss to his nose, _gross._ "Nekoma is in Tokyo, right?" Another nod, a kiss to his lips. "I might even give you a special goodbye gift." Grand King's voice was lower, a unnecessary whisper in the lonely night.

"Meat buns?" He asked, also whispering, Grand King laughed into his mouth, _double gross._ "It's a surprise." _If you loved me, you know I would hate waiting._ He groaned against Grand King's tongue for a long time, until his lungs burnt. Took a long breath, then did it again until Grand King pulled back, frowning. "What's wrong?" And Hinata frowned back, "I hate waiting." He whined, not sounding like Natsu, at all.

Grand King just smiled, "It'll be worth the wait." He said cryptically, then pulled away, the warmth in Hinata's skin going with him.

He texted Daichi as soon as he was in his room,

 **"Practice tomorrow?"** then noticed another message,

 **"What kind of pie do you like?"** He had never had a pie besides apple before, and Kenma liked apple,

 **"Apple is fine"** Two replies after his teeth were brushed,

 **"I asked what you liked, not what is fine."** _Kenma's kind of scary when he's bossy._

 **"Afterwork we can practice. No meat buns."** He didn't know that Daichi had a job and tried to imagine his captain doing something besides being a captain. _A chef? He'd probably yell at the customers... or burn the food. Maybe he works in a store. Or maybe he coaches volleyball. Maybe he yells at people. That could be a job._

**"Ive never had other pies before"**

**"Where do you work?"** Said good night to Natsu, who told him that Sato was now her rival.

 **"This is a chance to have more pie, Shouyou."** He's not sure why Kenma made that sound so deep, he was slightly worried now.

 **"I work on a farm."** _That makes sense, there's no customers to yell at, but you can't really captain plants._

 **"Whatever you pick is fine kenma"** He still had a bad feeling, having seen only a fraction of Kenma's game collection, he could only imagine what he would do when he had access to lots of pie.

 **"Is that fun?"** Something about farming always seemed magical to him, making life or whatever, it also explained Daichi's really cool tan, and he might be _slightly_ jealous.

 **"I'll make sure you have plenty."** _This is really, really not good._

 **"If breaking your back and smelling like poop is fun then yes"** He grumbled at his captain's sarcasm, but wasn't really sure what to say from there. _I hope your back doesn't break sounds stupid. Poop make it so you can't smell Kageyama._

**"Please dont go overboard"**

**"Do you have lemon trees?"** _Tsukki and Kageyama sitting in a tree..._

 **"I'm helping a friend."** _Jesus fucking Christ. On the bright side, I have three days to stop this._

 **"No why?"** He really did not feel like expressing his thoughts on Kageyama and Tsukishima.

 **"Youve already helped enough"** _Company,volleyball, helping me with that...panic attack._

**"No reason"**

**"I'm helping you more."** _I wonder if I can die from pie._

**"Goodnight Hinata"**

**"I never thanked you for helping me with that thing the other day"**

**"Goodnight captain!"**

**"Are you feeling okay? You didn't have another one did you?"**

**"Still awake, Chibi-chan?"** _Grand King must be on the train now._

**"Im fine and no you shouldnt worry so much you'll get wrinkles"**

**"A future ace never sleeps"**

**"Goodnight Shouyou"**

**"Don't you want to be a setter like me?"** _So many pouty faces..._

**"Goodnight kenma!"**

**"Aces are cooler then setters"**

**"Goodbye forever, Shouyou. It was nice knowing you."**

**"Did the train crash into the ocean"**

**"No, my boyfriend broke my heart"** _Even more pouty faces..._

**"I bet your boyfriend didnt mean it"**

**"Maybe. I'd have to punish him if he wasn't good."** _What the fuck._

**"Goodnight Grand King"**

"Shouyou, there's people at the door." He groaned, limbs heavy and brain almost still in a dream. "Shouyou!" The second outburst shocking him from sleep again, "Who is it?" He whined into his pillow, eyes already burning from the _thought_ of sunlight. "Boys from your volleyball team." _Practice right._ He groaned loudly into his pillow then rolled off the bed, pillow firmly attached to his face. "I'll be right there." He said into the pillow before stumbling towards his dresser.

He was at the door in less than a minute at Sato's insistence, which gave him a very rare chance to skip breakfast. _Didn't Daichi have to work? Maybe farms have different hours._ He questioned, pulling on his sneakers and opening the door. It was quieter than he expected, having half of his volleyball team on his porch. "Uh, hi?" He asked, waving at them after they refused to speak. "Hinata, there's something on your neck. _Fucking, shit. Fucking fuck. Fucking Grand King._ He pulled his face into as neutral expression as he could while cursing the Grand King to hell. Then there were hands on his neck, rubbing at his _hickies._ He squirmed, looked up at Daichi who was looking at him, at his neck, with an odd look on his face.

"What happened, Hinata?" Suga-san asked, popping up from behind Daichi, then that pale face lit up scarlet. _He knows._ He cleared his throat, willing his own face not to fall to a similar fate. "I fell." He said plainly. Daichi's eyes flicked from his neck and their eyes met, there were very few times when he had seen his captain looking so _angry. Why is he angry? Does he think I'm a slut?_

"It's nothing." He says, trying to pull his shoulder away from a too firm grip. "Just some bruises from the landing." _The landing of Grand King's mouth on my- Holy fuck what is wrong with me._ He sighed, settling his hand on Daichi's, making the other pull back slowly. "Be more careful." Is all his captain says before turning around, leading the small pack away from his house.

"What did you fall on, Hinata?" It's Suga-san that asks, worried eyes glued to the bruises on his neck. He tugged on his collar, trying to keep his senpai's eyes off of them, "Uh, the steps outside my house." He felt bad, having to lie to his friends, even after he told Grand King it was okay to tell others. He just _couldn't._ Not after that look his captain had given him.

"There's only one step outside your house." _Yes, yes there is._ "It was a long fall." He countered, pulling a laugh from beside him, "You should really be more careful, Shouyou." Then a hand was on his back, pulling the air from his lungs. _Noya-senpai is a little too strong,_ he realized while sucking in a deep breath. "Next time you might fall on _someone."_ _Holy fucking shit._ He laughed, hiding his face in his hands, "Yes, that would be really bad." _Suga-san please._

After that they all fell silent but it felt lighter, even knowing that all of them know. _They just don't know who._ His tongue rolled around his mouth, searching for the best way to put that it was The Grand King that had put the bruises there. With his mouth. He sighed. _I'm a dead man._

Despite the mutual understanding from the rest of the team, Kageyama seemed unable to put two and two together. _Thank Fucking God._ His setter was staring at him as they walked towards the gym but hadn't uttered a word. Kageyama looked like he wanted to ask something, _He saw me with Grand King. Falling on someone._ He was very thankful that Kageyama wasn't that observant off the court.

They'd practiced until it got dark, just like every time, and Daichi hadn't said another word to him. _Why's he being so weird, he doesn't hate me, does he?_ He doesn't think he could handle another teammate hating him, let alone a friend and senpai like Daichi. He wasn't exactly sure how to bring it up, the bruises were still there, and so was Daichi's _disapproving_ stare as they exited the gym.

"You- You don't hate me, right?" He asked, having followed his captain towards his house instead of heading home, he just really needed to know before it tore him apart. He heard his captain sigh, then he turned around, walk towards him and his captain towered over him. Daichi's arms were on his shoulders again, away from the bruises, leaving them open for scrutiny. "I don't hate you." His tone indicated otherwise, "I just- I want you to be careful. I didn't even know you had someone like that." _Like what?_ He nodded to his captain's words, _he doesn't hate me, he's just worried._ His cheeks were burning with a smile, Daichi glared down at him "What is it?" He muttered. "You care about me!" It really shouldn't have been that much of a surprise, but it was.

Daichi blinked, face stoic for a long time, then he smiled as well, pulling Hinata into a headlock and _sanding_ his skull. "Ow! Ow! Oww!" He groaned, trying to pull away from his too strong captain. "What was that for?" He demanded, rubbing at his aching skull. "Making me worry." Hinata was _pretty_ sure his captain was blushing, but it was too dark to tell for certain. "Why would you worry?" He couldn't help but ask, Daichi may be his captain, but Hinata is pretty much an adult.

"Does it matter? Kageyama is always teasing you, and Nishinoya's not really a role-model," _He'd beg to differ,_ "I just wanted to look out for you, I guess." Hinata wasn't blushing, or crying for that matter, he was just allergic to feelings. He pushed himself into Daichi's chest, he smelled like sweat, and peas, and volleyball. He stayed like that for a while, summer night drowned out as Daichi rubbed his hair. "I thought you'd hate me." He admitted, wiping snot onto Daichi's shirt.

He got a glare for that, then a softer look, "Why?" Hinata was tired of simple questions, they never had simple answers. "I thought you'd call me a slut." It's barely a whisper but with the way Daichi stiffens against him, he knows he is heard. "Did someone call you that?" _Grand King._ He shakes his head, tucking it into back into Daichi's shirt.

Daichi is quiet for a long time, "You'll never be that," a tug on his hair makes him look up, "'Cause you're Hinata Shouyou, future ace of Karasuno, right?" And Hinata laughed, tension gone from his shoulders. He patted Daichi's back, "Thank you." Daichi hummed against him, "I should probably get home." Daichi nodded, making space between them, "Goodnight, future ace." He laughed again, "Good night, Farmer Daichi." His captain snorted and they split paths. 

Out of all the people he expected to text him, Kageyama was not one of them,

 **"Dont fall again idiot spring tournament is coming up"** _Pretty sure it's not for six months, is this his way of showing care? Maybe Kageyama needs Daichi more than I do..._

 **"I care about you to kageyama"** _Even if you are a lemon-faced idiot._ Kageyama didn't respond to that and he cackled all the way home, Grand King texted him as soon as he was ready to sleep.  _It's like he knows how to be the most inconvenient boyfriend ever._ Not that he had a lot of context to compare bad boyfriends, but texting someone who's about to sleep sounding like one of the worst things someone could do in his opinion. 

 **"Do you miss me yet?"** That was a complicated question, and it has a simple answer,  _but that's boring._

**"And if i do"**

**"I miiiiight have some meat buns when I come see you."** _Maybe he knows me better than I thought..._

 **"Then I miss you"** _Does bribery count as a mind game?_

 **"Do you have something for me?"** _What could Grand King even want, he could have anyone and anything, but he chose..._

**"Me"**

**"Oh Chibi-chan, if I knew you were so frisky today I would have texted sooner!"** _What does frisky even mean._

**"What"**

**"What are you wearing, my thoughts exactly."** _Grand King has a weird thought process._

**"Pajamas"**

**"Cute~"** _Grand King could find a dead body cute._

**"Goodnight GrandKing"**

**"But Hinata, I'm so lonely."** Hinata sighed. 

**"Dont u have other friends"**

**"None are as cute as you"** Followed by six hearts. 

**"Goodnight"**


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porn Warning.

**Chapter Thirteen**

**A/N: Porn Warning.**

It was two days before he was supposed to leave for Tokyo, and he'd never been this bored. And alone. Grand King had told him that he wouldn't be able to text him during practices, which lasted all day, and Kenma wasn't responding to his messages after he told the older boy that he didn't need to try every pie flavor in one weekend. Daichi hadn't responded to his text asking for more practice but Suga-san had messaged him, informing him that their captain was too sore to practice today.

He wasn't sure why Daichi hadn't told that himself, but Suga hadn't responded to his messages either, he thought about texting Kageyama, then remembered all of the previous experiences when he resorted to messaging his setter.

_**"Kageyama is your club jacket to big"** _

_**"no y"** _

_**"I feel like a squid with these sleeves"** _

_**"ur just short"** _

_**"Im going to squid slap you"** _

_**"Kageyama did you do your translations"** _

_**"no"** _

_**"Kageyama can you teach me to serve"** _

_**"no"** _

As amusing as it was to experience Kageyama learning to text, he couldn't occupy the entire day with one word answers. _I'm so bored. I should learn something. But, my bed is very comfortable._ And that's when he decided to make as many noises with his mouth as he could, which lead into singing exercises -which were cut short when Natsu burst into the room screaming. Only an hour had passed since he had realized that today he would be alone with almost nothing to do.

 _I could do my summer homework,_ then snorted and decided that counting all the dots on the ceiling would be a much more productive experience. _I could spend today with Natsu. But then I'd have to eat rice. And she's probably still mad about the singing._ He sighed, rolled over, then back again. _I could practice by myself._ He hadn't done much alone since he started Karasuno. _Lunch, Practice, Walking home. Never alone._

 _It could be nice, having a day alone._ He could explore his feelings about Grand King, or think about Grand King's words, _Girl troubles. Daddy Issues. Slut._ _Maybe tomorrow._ _Surprise._ He sighed, looking into anything that The Grand King said would leave him with nothing but a headache and a blush.

He put his phone on the nightstand and picked up Kenma's game. _I wonder what he'd think of Grand King. Me and Grand King. He'd probably hate me, or drag me to church again, which is like the same thing, sort of._ He rolled the device around in his palms, it was heavier than he thought it would be. _A gift. Surprise. Kenma wouldn't hate me._ The power button was found easily enough, then he was instantly bombarded with noises he couldn't begin to describe. Music, screaming, the sounds of the damned. He snapped the device closed, trying to catch his breath after a sudden break in silence. _It's kind of like company, but with more screaming and stabbing._

It was decided easily that murderous company was better than no company, and opened the device again, drawn in by glowing colors and excited music. _Start. What's the worse that could happen? It's just a game._

 _It's just a game. It's just a game._ He would tell himself as many times as it took. _How can Kenma play this stuff. Demons. Zombies._ _I've never seen so much blood in my entire life._ His stomach squirmed at the thought of what he'd witnessed in hours of pressing _start._ Pulled into a nightmare by companionable narration then pulled straight into hell. _Kenma must have nerves of steel._ He shuddered, closing the device for the final time. _He wants to give me more of that? What did I do to deserve his wrath?_

"Big Brother! Big Brother! Are you going to be sleeping all day?" Natsu asked, already walking in his room and climbing onto his bed before he had time to answer, "Miss Sato made breakfast, an' she said she was taking me to the park, wanna come?" He didn't particularly like the park, all the adults always asked what middle school he was going to and it was very draining on his will not to jump on one of them and beat them up. _But then I'd be really alone if I didn't go._ "No thanks, Natsu, I got stuff to do." He really hated lying to people, his sister especially, but being surrounded by screaming -dying demons or not- didn't sound like something he would enjoy during his summer vacation.

She pouted, but nodded, "Are you practicing with Oikiwi and Kenma today?" _Oikiwi._ He suppressed a snort into his hand, "Not today, I'm practicing with the team." _Another lie, what is wrong with me._ She nodded, "I wanna team too!" She exclaimed, her pout dissipating in an instant. "What kind of team are you going to be on?" He couldn't help but ask, swept in his sister's good mood in an instant. She hummed for a long time, a habit she surely picked up from Kenma, "Jump-rope!" He blinked, then pulled his smile back on, "Are you gonna be the ace of jump rope?" She pulled her legs up and started jumping on his bed, "I'mma be jump rope ace!" Then she jumped off of the bed, only to start up again. _Like a rabbit on a sugar high._ He was glad in that moment that he had declined the park offer.

"I'm sure Miss Sato will help you practice if you ask nicely." He suggested with only innocent intentions, she squealed then darted out of the room, hopping with each step. "Miss Sato!" She screamed all the way into the living room, the sound hiding his _not_ evil snicker. _Today might not be boring or horrifying after all._ He threw his blankets off, changed out of his sleepwear before deciding to investigate the Nastu situation.

"Natsu, please stop jumping." Sato asked, face calm but voice expressing enough irritation to bring a smile to his face, Natsu started rhyming with each of her hops and was resolute on ignoring her caretaker. It became much harder to hide his smile and started digging into his breakfast before Sato decided to turn her irritation on him. "Why are you so hyper, you're never like this in the morning?" Sato asked, probably more to herself than either of her charges. She sighed, shot him a dark look, then picked up Natsu's breakfast. "Please eat, Natsu, you're going to get tired before we get to the park." Natsu's rhymes just grew louder, and he decided to have mercy on them all and broke in, "Natsu, you can't be an ace if you don't eat your breakfast. 'Eat your rice and get strong,' remember?"

She calmed down almost immediately, or stopped yelling at least, and started eating her rice and eggs as fast as possible. Sato's face morphed into something he'd seen many times on Kageyama's face, lemon-faced disgust. _At least she's not looking at me._ His rice was quickly deposited into his napkin, which shifted into his pocket. _At least she can cook eggs._ He thought, not for the first time, his mother's eggs from Sunday still fresh on his mind. _Just like my mom used to make. I'm surprised she's even alive, years of practically raw eggs cannot be good for you._ Breakfast finished without a word between Sato and himself, with his empty bowl and filled pocket, he excused himself to the sink.

Natsu and Sato were gone by the time he finished washing his face, _she's in for a hell of a day,_ he wasn't sure he should be as pleased as he was currently feeling. _It's all for Natsu, she has a dream now._ He smiled all the way to Ukai's store, "One meat bun!" He requested once he arrived at the counter. Ukai flinched back, his face buried in his book behind a previously silent counter. A bag was held slightly out of his reach, "Gimme, I'm hungry." He whined, giving a little hop to get his real breakfast but Ukai just pulled back.

"We gotta talk first." The older man said, leaning over the counter, his face stony like they were on the court. "What is it?" He asked, suddenly nervous. "Well, it's a couple things, I guess." _This can't be good._ "My granddad is out of the hospital." _Why do I need to know this, you're already our coach. Was he bailing._ He frowned, "Does that mean you're leaving?" He'd be pretty sad to see the coach go after all the progress he helped the team make. Ukai's face melted from serious as he started laughing, "Nah, I was just thinking, he coached The Little Giant personally when he was in school, and thought you might want to ask to coach you too." _The guy who taught The Little Giant teaching me?_

"Really?" He could feel his face melting in anticipation, _I'm gonna beat Grand King._ Ukai nodded, "He lives on a farm a little ways away, so you should ask your parents or whatever." _Parents._ He shrugged, "My mom's busy working, she won't really care." _That sounds much harsher out loud._ Ukai seemed to think so as well, his forehead creasing more than usual. "Don't you want to call her, at least?" He shook his head, and Ukai nodded, then pulled himself into standing. "My car's around back." Ukai paused, then yelled behind him, "Ma! Watch the store!"

Coach Ukai had a really cool car, not that he had a lot of experience with automobiles, but having an adjustable seat was much cooler than a stiff bus seat. Ukai checked his seat belt then started driving, the scenery passing a little too quickly for Hinata's liking. "Now that you can't escape," Ukai started when they pulled onto a big empty road, _oh fuck,_ "Want to explain those marks on your neck." His voice was a mixture of amused and concerned that he couldn't quite name.

"I fell." He said quickly, sticking to his story from yesterday. Ukai stared at him for a long time, and he adjusted his collar hoping the topic would be dropped, "That might work on your classmates, but I'm pretty old, kid." _Gross._ He did not need pictures of Ukai giving other old people marks with his mouth. P _eople will know you're mine._ His face was feeling particularly warm recalling Grand King's words, even with the current of cool air brushing against his face.

"Is she cute at least?" _Girl troubles?_ He stuttered out unintelligibly for a second, "It's uh... notagirl." He coughed, feeling simultaneously relieved and apprehensive, _what would coach think about that. Grand King and me. Together._ He squirmed under his coach's gaze, "Could you repeat that?" It was quiet, and he really didn't want to repeat anything.

"It's a boy." He said eventually, looking out of the window at blurring green instead of at his coach's possibly hateful expression. "It's not a teammate, is it?" Ukai said after an equally long time, forcing Hinata's gaze onto him, he was smiling. _He doesn't hate me?_ The revelation was more jarring than Daichi's acceptance had been, old people usually much more judgmental about stuff than his classmates were. _Wait, teammate?_ "Ew, gross." _That also sounded much harsher out loud._ The entire team liked girls, at least to his knowledge, _and even if I did like any of them, why would they even want me?_

Ukai laughed though, "Good, then I'd have to give them detention or something." _Can a coach even give detention?_ He shrugged, "So, if it's not a teammate," _Please don't make me say it._ "Then it must be one of those two setters." _Oh my fucking god. Just. Act calm._ His face was heating up again, he slid down the seat, trying to hide from his coach's side glances. "So," then the most unsettling smile he'd ever seen was directed at him, _I'm going to die in this car._ "Which one is it?"

 _Just play it cool._ "N-What makes you think it's either of them?" He squeaked, _so far, so good._ Then Ukai shot him a look that resembled Grand King's _studying you_ look and he swallowed. "You weren't hanging with them before you had the marks, and after you did, you had them. Simple conclusion." _Simple my ass. Fuck you._ "Kageyama didn't notice." He muttered before he could help himself. "You- with Oikawa?"

He shook his head frantically, "I-I never said that!" He defended, but Ukai didn't look like he was listening. "I mean- Wow. He just didn't seem- and you're so-" He had trouble filling in the blanks with his coach's words. "He's so what?" He asked, _perfect, tall, smart?_

"I'm not sure, I heard that he was always flirting with girls." Hinata hummed, _What if he's still doing that?_ He bristled at the thought, holding back a groan, _Grand King can do what he wants._ He wasn't sure which would bother him more, Grand King continuing to flirt after he confessed or Grand King not flirting and sharing that stupid, perfect smile with the world.

Ukai's cheeks were an ugly color when he opened his mouth next, "You're uh- using protection, right?" _Protection? For my neck or-oh. Oh my fucking. Pervert!_ "I'm not a girl!" He hissed, glaring at his coach who was pointedly not meeting his gaze. "You still need to use _it_ even if you're both boys."

"Oh, wait, how do you even know that?" And Ukai's cheeks got even more blotchy and red. "You've-You're?" He couldn't quite find a way to word it without actually saying it, they both fell silent, the air conditioning all the noise enough noise for now. "That's not appropriate." Was Ukai's eventual response. _Hypocrite._ "But talking about me doing it is?" They both fell silent again, long enough for him to fall asleep.

"We're here." Ukai said after a long time of driving over a particularly nasty bump in the road that had sent his slacked head into the door frame. "Ow. Ow. Ow." He hissed at the same time Ukai muttered something about how the road hadn't been fixed in over a decade.

Ukai's car pulled in front of an ancient looking house, it had a vibe that screamed _haunted,_ a shudder wracked up his spine recalling a similar looking scene in Kenma's game. The car rolled into a stop in front of a rusty pick-up truck, the back filled with baskets of overflowing green, product of the expansive crop that surrounded the house. "Does your granddad own all of this?" He couldn't help but ask, old people and manual labor didn't make a pretty picture.

His coach nodded, unbuckling his belt, Hinata doing the same, he spoke again as they started walking around the house, with him shifting to Ukai's other side. _Not today, demon house._ "He was raised on the farm, and so were all of his kids." _Coach has brothers and sisters?_ It was kind of hard to imagine a bunch of stoic faced children with blond hair that know a lot about volleyball. "We used to spend ages planting all of these." Ukai said, a fond smile adjusting his lips, "Now he gets all the brats that come here to do it for him." He huffed, regretting having asked, "I'm not a brat." He muttered, crossing his arms.

"Nice receive!" _Maybe I am a brat._ He rounded the corner of the demon house quickly and looked onto a home-made volleyball court, the patch around the net the only place not covered in looming crops. A worn out net strung across two poles, and people surrounding it. "Are you sure you're supposed to be moving around like that after getting out of the hospital?" Ukai called over, sounding rather smug.

"What? If they let you out of the hospital, it means they're giving you permission to move around all you want." An old man with big muscles called out, tossing another ball to the line in front of him. _Can't argue with that._ Ukai scoffed then looked over at him, "That's my grandpa." He said, not evening concealing his lack of enthusiasm. "Huh?" _They kind of similar, maybe in a few years coachy will have that many wrinkles too. But that glare must run in the family._

"Practice tossing." The old man told the set of kids behind him, they all called out, "Yes, coach!" Then the old man walked over and punched Ukai on the arm, _My arm hurts from hearing that noise._ He shuddered. "So, you couldn't figure out to do with your weirdo brat, and decided to drop him off here, eh, coach?" _I'm... standing right here._ "He's your problem, you idiot!" Then Coach Ukai was flying over his granddad's shoulder. _Holy fucking shit._ "Coach!" He yelped, wincing when his coach fell roughly on the ground in front of them. _I kind of want to learn that, but more importantly._ "Please coach me!" He shouted, bowing deeply to the old man in front of him.

"With what?" He asked, sounding almost bored as he glared down at him. "I-I came here to fight on my own!" The old man glared at him for a long moment, then smirked. _He looks just as evil smiling as he does glaring._ "You want to master mid-air battles when you're only that tall?" He asked with a scoff, _I'll fucking kill you._ He sighed deeply, _Don't fight an old man. Don't fight an old man._

"It's because I'm only this tall." He said, forcing a smile on his face, _Little Giant. Little Giant._ The old man's mouth went slack for a moment, so he continued, "I might sound weird but-" _I want to be the ace. I want to surpass the little giant. I want to beat The Grand King._ "What's weird about it?" Ukai Senior asked, staring down at him with an all too familiar gaze. "No matter what you're dealing with," The old man started, turning away to look at the small children on the court, "The one with the power during a spike is you."

That shocked him, _Kageyama usually decides what toss to use, unless he's not talking about the tossing._ Old Man Ukai sighed for a long time, rubbing his back, _that's what you get for throwing people,_ then turned to him. "You'll need awareness before you improve your technique." _Can you... make that easier to understand?_ "What do you usually think when you're making a quick?" _Faster than the block. Jump higher than the block. Beat Grand King-sama._ "Uh- I go _whoosh!_ Then I jump as high as I can, then when Kageyama throws the ball I go _wham!"_ He spiked the air for show, in case old people weren't versed on _Wham!_ Mechanics.

His coach sighed, "What he's trying to say is that Kageyama usually lines the ball up-" But Granddad Ukai just waved him off, "I get it." _So they old people do know about Wham!_ "But you need to get it into your head, that you have the power when you're in the air. Don't think of your spike as an unknown- Well, I guess it's easier if I just show you." _You wanna fight, old man?_

"You're a middle blocker, right? Try stopping it." _Now he really wants to fight!_ He nodded, and stepped onto the dirt court, noticing it was smoother than he thought it would, he was distracting from the smoothness from the court by the group of children on the other side of the net calling to him, "Are you in middle school?" _I'll fight this kid._ "Which one do you go to?" _I'll fight him too._

"I'm in high school!" He growled back, drawing on his experience with Kageyama to make an unsettling facial expression. They laughed. All of them. _I'll fight all of them._ He settled in front of the net, _oh, I feel pretty tall with this net._ "Third Tempo!" The old man shouted, tossing the ball into the air. _Third... Tempo?_ Three of the kids he has vowed vengeance on all ran towards the net after a moment of hesitation, then jumped.

He blocked the first ball with ease, _ow my fucking face. Take that you little shit._ "Awesome jump!" The kid commented, _He doesn't even know that I'm about to fight him._ He sighed. "Second Tempo!" He shouted, the ball in the air, _They're didn't hesitate that time._ Then he jumped, blocking the ball, not with his face.

"First Tempo!" Was shouted before the ball had connected with Ukai's hands, the three kids ran up and he couldn't follow the ball, _Wham!_ wen the ball, and whizzed past him as he caught up. _I just got beat by a child. Now I have to fight him twice._ "Nice!" He said instead of the _Fight me!_ that wanted to slide up his throat.

The old man looked over at him, "Well?" he asked, smiling down at him, "That was fast!" Ukai nodded over at him, "Do you think you could block it?" He frowned, "Not on my own, I don't think." Ukai nodded, face indifferent, "Were the spikes different?" He shook his head, "Then what was different?" _You know, that is a great question._

"Uh-They ran at different times." _Only thing I can guess._ Ukai nodded, "That's right! That's what tempo is." _Well, that makes sense now, seems kind of useless to learn that without Kageyama here, though._ "The agility in any attack is determined by its tempo." _I'll have more or less time in the air to look for a spike._ "It's not how fast the toss is, it's the time of the spiker's approach." _I can do this... on my own? Awesome!_ "First tempo is the fastest, and probably the one you've been using without knowing it. Now you just need to understand it." Hinata nodded, "I used to have to work so hard to get to the top. Now I want to fight my own battles at the top!" He shouted, a surge of confidence rushing through him, making his blood pump loudly in his ears. _I can do this!_

Ukai joined him on the other side of the net, putting a strong hand on his shoulder, "I don't know what kind of _genius_ setter you have, but there's no better toss than one the spiker can easily hit." _Well, now that you say it out loud, it sounds so simple._ "Wait..." Coach Ukai looked over at them, then jumped up as if threatened to be thrown again, "Hinata! Stay here and practice!" Was all he yelled before running off, the sound of a car being started following shortly after. _Well, it's not like I have a choice now._

Granddad Ukai blinked, then smirked, probably with an idea about what just happened, "Anyway shrimpy," _He really does want to fight._ "If you're going to fight at the top on your own, you gotta start with the fundamentals." _Don't I already know those, well I guess not if a bunch of kids knew something I didn't._ He nodded, "Therefore, you're going to be hitting spike after spike after spike! To catch up on all the time you wasted." _Are you going to waste another three years, idiot?_

 _I'll prove you wrong, Kageyama._ "Your first assignment, is to do first tempo with any of these guys." He waved over at what could only be his other students, "Hello!" He chirped, with a bow. "That genius setter isn't here to toss to you, so it's not going to be easy." _I wouldn't be here if it were easy. Or maybe I would. I did get kind of dragged here, with my meat bun as a hostage._ "Also, to get used to the ball, you need to be touching it at all times." _Setters are the control tower! They touch the ball the most._

"It can be with your hands or feet, but volleyball is a sport where you can't hold the ball. You're only allowed to touch it for a few seconds, you need to control that moment, like the ball is part of your body." _The ball is a part of me, or am I a part of the ball._ "Because your body is small," _I see the ruining-speeches by bringing up my height runs in the family._ "Use everything you have to make up for it." He's reminded of Noya-senpai, who's shorter than him, but managed to save the ball with his foot. _I always knew my senpai was truly awesome._

He practiced well into the night with each of the kids, trying to get used to each of their tosses and trying not to murder the little ones that called him a middle schooler. He only manged to teach first tempo with one of them,only once and with a girl who was both younger and taller than him. _Can I fight her? Is that okay?_ He sighed, rolling the ball around on the ground while he waited for Coach Ukai to return, since it was too late to practice.

He showed up an hour after they stopped practicing, the old man offering him some tea while he waited. He _might_ have snooped around the old man's living room, looking for baby pictures of Coach Ukai while he sipped on green tea. _It'll make you smart, but it'll taste like dying._

He only found one picture of Coach Ukai by the time he showed up, a picture of him in what had to be his high school years, hair dark and wavy. _Before the Hairband Dynasty._ Ukai pulled him out of the house before he could thank the old man for the tea. Kageyama was in Ukai's car when he got in it. "Uh- Is there a reason you kidnapped Kageyama?" Ukai smirked at him, "I had an idea, and I needed to talk to him." _An idea._ "About what?"

"A toss that stops." _Don't they all stop?_ Ukai glanced at him, then at Kageyama, "If you can perfect a toss that can stop in front of Hinata, with the right tempos you could get around any block." _The perfect spike, every time._ It was a chilling concept. "How would you get it to stop in the air?" He asked, leaning over his seat to look at his setter, but it was Ukai who answered instead, "If he makes it spin enough, it'll eventually turn around in the air, but there's a moment when it'll stop." Hinata blinked, _He seems more like a math genius than a store clerk._ He nodded, "Is that what took you so long? So Kageyama could learn to stop a ball?" Ukai went silent, "It's just an idea for right now, it could take years for Kageyama to perfect a set like that."

Kageyama didn't look happy about this information, "I'll perfect it by the spring tournament," he started, looking directly at Hinata, "So you better learn how to fight." _Idiot, Kageyama, I'll be better than you and Grand King combined. Speaking of..._ He pulled his phone out of his pocket, the light a little blinding. No messages from Grand King. _His practice has to be over by now._ He hummed, "You could be practicing instead of insulting me, you know." Kageyama scoffed, "We're in a car, you idiot."

"That doesn't stop you from _imagining_ the ball, Kageyema." He snickered, shoving the phone back in his pocket. _Grand King is his own person._ "You're about to imagine a fist hitting your head." Hinata snorted, "That doesn't make any sense."

Kageyama was silent for the rest of the ride.

So was his phone.

He thought about sending Grand King a good morning message, but couldn't quite press send. _What if I wake up and he gets mad._ He sighed, Kenma hadn't responded to his messages about his demon game, or his midnight text from the nightmare from said demon game.

Kageyama messaged him though,

 **"mk sur 2 prectis"** He wasn't sure what to make of that, but he had a breakfast to escape and children to achieve first tempo with.

He managed to perfect his first tempo with the same girl from yesterday, and had made progress with the others, but none were as consistent as his first. Both of the Ukais watched over his practice with identical facial expressions, something that was both hilarious and distracting, until the older Ukai threw his grandson over his shoulder, then it was just hilarious.

He was exhausted by the time he got home, stomach and energy drained, but he had a bag to pack. He had a bag to pack, he was leaving for Tokyo tomorrow and Grand King hadn't messaged him, let alone _surprised him._

It was almost one when he had finished packing his bag. _Shorts, knee pads, sweatshirt, I can put my toothbrush in there in the morning, deodorant, socks, Kenma's game... just in case, should I bring my summer homework?_ Snorted, then yawned, taking another look at his phone. Then there was a tapping.

He looked around, wondering if Natsu was hiding somewhere again. "Natsu?" He whispered, then nothing, then another tap. From the window. His mind jumped to demons at instant. _Kenma, this is all your fault. I'm going to die._ He swallowed, waiting for the tapping again over the sound of his heart in his ears. His phone buzzed in his hand, the vibrations causing him to drop it out of shock.

**"Open up."** _This is the end._

**"Pretty please, Chibi-chan?"** _Wait._ _Demons don't use stupid nicknames._

He stalked over to the window, pushed the curtain back, and saw Grand King's stupid face, grinning and waving. He slid the barrier open when Grand King's muffled words didn't make it through, "What are you doing here?" He hissed, trying to keep it down for Natsu. "Surprise!" Grand King giggled, and then lifted himself over the edge of the window, half inside of Hinata's room. "Grand King, what the fuck?" Grand King just tutted him, then climbed the rest of the way into the room, long legs easing onto the ground. "Language, Hinata." He cooed, voice sounding almost slurred in its whisper.

"I forgot the buns, but I'll make it up to you, promise!" Another grin, and Grand King was on his bed instead of the window. Hinata frowned, he was really looking forward to his meat buns.

Grand King pulled him down while he was sulking, pulling their sides snug together. "Why are you here so late?" There wouldn't be another train until the morning and Grand King couldn't stay here without anyone knowing. "I jus' wanted to see my chibi-chan, give him another present." Hinata sighed against Grand King's chest, "You could have come during the day, and with meat buns." The other boy nodded, then leaned back on his bed, careful not to hit his head this time.

Hinata was forced to join him by strong hands covering his body, he didn't mind as much when Grand King's lips promised eternity on his. Grand King's lips tasted sweet, almost like candy, and so did his tongue, it mixed awkwardly with his recently brushed teeth. Grand King's body was hot against his, it made him squirm, wanting more and more, but trying to push Grand King away. He really shouldn't be here right now.

"Grand King." He got a hum in return, against his neck, then pain surged down his spine. _Son of a-_ "Are you serious right now, you dumb vampire." He groaned, Grand King's teeth making his neck feel wobbly. "Hinata, can I touch you?" It was purred into his ear, and he flinched away, that sweet breath too close and too hot. "You're touching me right now." He grabbed onto the wrists that were pressing burning hands across his stomach and back.

"I want more." _More?_ He squirmed, Grand King had taken his first kiss less than a week ago and now he wanted- "W-why?" He asked into Grand King's jacket, face burning at the other's implications. His cover was taken from him, and a fraction of the overwhelming heat that was The Grand King. "Please, Hinata, I want to do this for you." He squirmed, feeling too exposed under Grand King's pleading gaze.

He nodded.

Grand King smiled down at him, then pressed their lips together, hyper-aware of each drag of Grand King's fingers against his stomach, against his hips. He gulped, "Grang K-king" His voice was shaking, but his chest was beating too hard that he barely heard it.

Grand King pulled back, stared down at him, at his exposed stomach and bright red face, "You're so perfect, my chibi-chan." He squirmed, Grand King's hands dragging a slow inferno over his stomach, tugging on his shorts. The other boy paused, staring at him, looking for _no._ He wanted to say no. Really, really wanted to say no. But Grand King's presence was overwhelming, clouding his brain. _Yes._

He nodded at The Grand King, and Grand King smiled, his head sliding down with Hinata's shorts. He gasped, a chilling breeze mixing with hot, hot breath over his most sensitive place. He risked a glance at Grand King, who was still, staring. _Studying._

He expected a short comment, before anything else, but Grand King wasn't saying anything, his fingers had stilled with his silver tongue. Then those eyes were on him, "You're perfect." Barely a whisper, then an _inferno._ His most private flesh, pushed down into his stomach by a too hot, too rough hand. The friction tugged on his spine, pushing himself against Grand King. He whined, Grand King kissed him, on the lips. "So, so perfect. My Hinata." _My Hinata._

He trembled, wanting more, and more, but too scared to ask. Grand King's tongue pushed against his. He pushed back. Grand King's fingers wrapped around him. He melted, bubbled up into that heat. "G-grand King." He was _throbbing,_ throbbing inside of Grand King's hand while Grand King's tongue was pressed against his. He whined, and the other pulled back, Grand King stared at him, his eyes dark and hot, and inviting, and scary. _Too, too much._

Grand King's touch was like drowning in fire, he could feel his spine and stomach tighten up, knots of pressure that _screamed_ for something he didn't want to name. His eyes clenched shut when Grand King decided to _move,_ his hips pressing into that perfect, perfect hand. He moaned into Grand King's jacket, begging for _more._ "My perfect, chibi-chan" Grand King cooed in his ear, sending it straight into the hell-fire that had consumed his body.

He could feel his nails dragging into Grand King's jacket, his eyes wouldn't open when it happened. His knees clenched around Grand King's sinful arm, his flesh _throbbing and throbbing,_ sickening noises came from his mouth, muffled into the other's shoulders, begging for it to stop. Begging for it _not_ to stop. His release rolled over Grand King's fingers, onto his burning flesh. The other's greedy grip on him pulled it up, _sliding_ over him, he choked on nothing but his whimpers.

It reached all over, slick, loud, and _hot._ He jerked his hips away from it, away from Grand King. Whining, pushing the pleasure away from between clenched thighs. Grand King chuckled, a warm, beautiful sound to his delirious mind. "You're so, so beautiful." Forced onto him with such conviction. He whined, pulling at the other, at his shoulders, still clenched between his fingers. His actions forming words he didn't know.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Chapter Fourteen**

Grand King wasn't there when he woke up, wasn't sure if he'd ever been there. _It felt too real to be a dream, but..._ His face flushed, _Grand King touched me._ His clothes were in the right place, but there was an uncomfortable _itch_ in his pants that told him all that he needed to know.

He sat up, rubbed the grit from his eyes and shivered, his skin feeling strangely cold without the blanket of fire and muscles that Grand King had placed on him last night. He made to grab at his phone, the earliest train to Tokyo was at nine, found it blindly and flicked it open.

Something fluttered down, grabbing his attention instead of the glowing scream, _A note?_ Picked it up, _not a note._ Ten thousand Yen stretched between his fingers. _What the fuck?_ Dropped it, looked back at his phone, Grand King messaged him.

 **"Sorry I forgot your buns, hope this makes up for it!"** He blinked, calculating the message and the note, _the money. This could buy twenty meat buns._ Blinked. Looked down at the phone, started typing.

**"What the fuck"**

**"Language, Chibi-chan"**

**"This is to much"** _Way, way, way too much. Two weeks of meat buns._

 **"Just taking care of what's mine, no big deal."** _No big deal._

 **"Thank you"** It sounded stupid, like not enough, _Two weeks of food. Thanks._

 **"Have fun in Tokyo, Hinata!"** Checked the time, half an hour before the train left.

He jumped out of bed, picked up some new clothes and headed to the shower. Hummed quietly while shampooing his hair, rinsing Grand King's touch from his skin, dared to look down. Purple. All over his hip, in the shape of Grand King's hand. It wrapped around the bone, the fingers spanning out over his butt. Scrubbed at it. Still there. Scrubbed harder.

The water had ran cold by the time he left the shower, his body cold but his hip burned. Grand King had marked him. _Again._ Wrapped a towel around his waist, hiding the hand-shaped bruise in abrasive fabric. Risked a look at his face while brushing his teeth, looked down, more bruises, both sides of his neck this time _. I should cover these._

 _People will know your mine._ Fled back into his room, dropped the towel and pulled on underwear and shorts, looked for a shirt with a collar. Only his school uniform, which was still dirty from Sunday. Sighed. _I doubt even Kageyama would doubt I fell twice._ Pulled on a black jacket over his t-shirt, zipped it all the way up. _Probably sweat through this by the time I get to Tokyo._

Tucked his toothbrush into his bag, flicked open his phone. _No breakfast for me, I guess._ Slipped that into his pocket, left staring at the money Grand King had left. Slipped that in too. Grabbed his sneakers and closed the front door quietly. Ran to the station, slipped onto the train after the attendant hopped off and picked a seat. _More empty than I thought it would be._

The cabin was occupied by mostly old people, some of them with infants. He took a seat across from a particularly ancient looking man, he was dressed in a dark suit and had what was left of his hair combed back, a deep frown on his face. _Well, that can't be good._ Looked away from the old man who was staring through him, pulled his phone from his pocket, fingers dragging over the crisp bill in his pocket. Took a deep breath, ignoring Grand King's voice in his head. He leaned back, pressing his head against the warm window and told Kenma he was on the way, Kenma messaged him his address. _I have no idea where this is._ Fell asleep drawing a map of Tokyo in his head.

His heart skipped a beat the first time the train stopped, jumping around the window to see if he had missed Tokyo, _Oh thank God,_ judging from the lack of too tall buildings Tokyo was still a ways away. His phone told him that he was only an hour out of Miyagi, his stomach told him he was too far from Miyagi. He patted his cramping gut, careful to dodge the burning mark on his hip, and settled back against the window, it was still warm from summer sun.

His head was cold when he woke up next, the window was thumping wildly against his head. _Oh please, god no._ He glanced up, the old man wasn't there, giving him a clear view of the blurring window that wrapped around the cabin. He usually didn't hate the rain, but walking around soaking wet in a place he didn't know wasn't really his ideal situation. He sighed as the train announced that Nippori station was the next stop. _Kenma better have big blankets._

He jumped the gap between the train and the station floor, ignoring the hissing gap between it and pulled his phone out, Kenma hadn't warned him about the rain or gave him directions. _I guess I have to ask someone._ He grumbled slightly at that, the last time he'd been here someone had commented on how _country_ his accent was. He wasn't exactly sure what that meant, but the condescending laugh of that person spelled it out clearly. Hinata sighed, then scanned the crowd for the least well-dressed business person he could find. _This is hopeless._

"You look lost." _Wow, thanks I hadn't noticed._ He quelled his irritation and shot a smile up at the stranger, a big in a dark coat, equally dark hair and menacing looking chopper eyes. They gleamed with no light to shine off of them and smiled, exposing bright white teeth. "Do you need directions?" His voice was deep but lilted upwards in what he assumed was a _friendly_ tone. "Uh. I-I'm looking for Nakameguro." He answered looking down at his phone for the right place.

The tall, creepy man laughed, not condescendingly and not out of mirth, and gave him another smile. _I'm going to get murdered._ He shuddered when the man spoke next, "I live around there," _Please do not offer me a ride._ "But uh-" He reached into the folds of his dark coat and Hinata tensed, he almost laughed when the guy pulled out a notepad and a shiny silver pen. "I've gotta get back to my office, or I'd get you a cab or something." He ripped it off and handed to him, scribbled kanji, and a small map.

"Hope you brought an umbrella." The man laughed again, then disappeared into a wave of suits and umbrellas. _I hope too._ He approached the edge of the station, where the rain was cascading off the metal roof and splashing at his feet. He waited for a minute, committing the directions to memory before stuffing the paper in his bag, then stuffed his bag under his jacket. He ran into the rain, following stream after stream of darkly dressed people, a lot of them smirking as they took in his dress, some of them lifting their umbrellas a fraction higher so he was slightly covered. _Would have been nice before I was soaking wet._ He gave those people a small bow as they parted ways, and found himself in Nakameguro in less than an hour.

 _Now we just find the right street._ There was a big river that ran under all the bridges in Nakameguro, both sides covered in empty trees. A glance down at the rushing, nearly overflowing stream showed broken, soiled cherry blossoms, lines of pink that rushed with the current of the river. It would probably be nice to look at during a stroll during the summer. _Oh right, it's supposed to be summer._ Tokyo was a backwards place, he realized, backwards from the place that he was raised in, anyway. He sighed, then looked around, none of the houses really screamed _Kenma._

He drew the line of too wet when he could feel his underwear attaching itself to his skin, he pulled his phone out of his sagging shorts and decided to _call_ Kenma, and maybe yell at him. "I'm lost." Was the first thing he said, Kenma hummed in acknowledgement and he felt his shivering eyebrow twitch. "A guy gave me directions to Nakameguro, and I see a big river." Kenma hummed again, "Anything else?" _Rain. Lots of rain. From the sky._ Looked around, "A coffee place? Or maybe a cake place. I dunno. Trees." Sighed into the phone, "Does this place have a name?"

Looked up at the building across from him, "Uh, Hi- wait, Hokou? Hokara? Oh, squid place. You guys have squid here?" He'd definitely come back when he wasn't at risk of drowning in his own clothes, Kenma hummed loudly in his damp hear, bringing him back into the conversation. "Walk straight." _So I was going the right way._ He nodded, tilting his head to keep his phone from getting too wet in the crooked rain. "How far?" He asked, running his hand over dripping iron gates, the scenery changing suddenly from busy rivers to modern suburbs. "Just keep walking, I'll tell you when to stop." _Creepy._

"Stop." He did so, looked left, then right, no Kenma, but there was _Kozume_ printed onto a plaque and attached to the fence in front of a cute looking house, "I like your flowers." Kenma scoffed into the phone, and if he said anything else Hinata didn't hear because it took both hands to open the stupid gate. The plain stone path squeaked under his feet, paid it no mind as he looked around Kenma's yard, big bushes lined both sides of the fence, giving the illusion of privacy. He couldn't tell what kind they were from this far away, and didn't feel like submerging his feet in the marsh that Kenma's yard had turned into.

The door opened before he approached it. _Even creepier._ A tall, woman with dark hair was on the other side of the door, the handle in her pale hand, "You must be Hinata-kun, you're cuter than I thought you be." His face flushed under the warm smile she offered him, he paused in front of her, her eyes were golden like Kenma's, her dark hair pulled into a braid that rested on one shoulder of her white shirt. "You look like a stray, get in here." Her voice was dry, and he could feel that similar cat-like gaze on him as he waddled past her.

"I told Kenma he should meet you at the station, but he insisted you'd be fine." She said, and her dark lips tilted up in one corner, he paused and squatted to untie his shoes, giving him something to do while the woman talked. Once they were off, he was kind of lost, stuck between wanting to shake himself off or ask for a towel. "You must be Kenma's mother." He bowed lowly, trying to ignore the way his soaked hair flung water onto the floor. "S-sorry about the uh-" His voice faded off, gesturing to his dripping body. She smiled again, a glimpse of her too white teeth, "It rains a lot here, I suppose Kenma didn't tell you?" He shook his head, and flinched as some of the water landed on her shirt, fading the perfect white with drops of gray.

"S-sorry." He squeaked, bowing again, careful not to get any more water on the intimidating host. She laughed, making him wonder if Kenma had the same laugh, a bubbling noise that erupted from the throat, "I probably should offered you a towel or something." Her hand waved dismissively, and then landed on his head, he flinched, not expecting that in the slightest. He squirmed as her nails dragged soft lines on his scalp, and he dared a glance up at her when she pulled back. Her head was slightly tilting him a gaze he recognized too well on Grand King.

"I'll get you some clothes and a towel, then we can talk." She disappeared around a corner before he could ask what she wanted to talk to him about. He took this moment to look around Kenma's home, he couldn't see much from his spot in the foyer, a rack of high heels and leather shoes, his own sneakers making a puddle on an otherwise perfect stone floor, two black umbrellas. The floor raised into wood flooring, like his own house, but much darker, the walkway was well-lit and bare, he could see the back of a dark sofa and the upper half of a TV. There were picture frames, that shone under the ceiling lights that he couldn't make out, then Kenma's mother appeared before him.

"Kenma's a little taller than you, but these should fit well enough." A stack of fabric was pushed into his shivering arms, he set the neatly folded the pile on the raised floor before him and stripped off his jacket and bag off with slight difficulty, the plopped on the ground next to the shoe rack and he started drying his hair and neck, then pushed it into his clothes, trying to get most of the water onto the more absorbent fabric. "Bathroom is around the corner, Hinata-kun." Miss Kenma said, giving him a look he couldn't quite identify.

"Thank you." He called with another bow, then ducked past her and into the door around the corner. The click echoed more loudly than he thought necessary for such a small room, and he pulled off the soaking fabric, it dropped onto the ground with a disgusting slop and he rubbed the towel across his damp skin. He ignored his hip, ignored the burning that flared up when he told himself to ignore it, he caught his own gaze in the mirror above the sink. _Oh. That's why she had that look._ Grand King's marks all over his neck, his face flushed with mortification and he tugged on Kenma's clothes. They smelled like they had just been cleaned, and were softer than he thought they would be. But they didn't cover the marks on his neck like the sweat pants did, the sweats covered more than enough, pooling around his wiggling toes.

He picked up his clothes, replacing them with a towel, rubbed it against the shiny tiles with his feet while he drained his clothes in the sink. He picked the towel back up and wrapped his clothes in it before leaving the bathroom. An odd aroma filled the void that had been his frozen sense of smell, it was sweet and warm, he wasn't sure how a smell could be _warm,_ but didn't question it and did his best to follow it. Following the line of the couch into a shiny kitchen.

A steaming teacup was put in front of him, the contents glowed red under _more_ ceiling lights, he looked up at Kenma's mother, who gave him a smile. "It's Ichigo tea. I can make something else if you don't like it?" She gestured back to the steaming teapot, he blinked, _Ichigo?_ He'd never heard of it before, but how bad could fruit tea be. "Uh- This'll be fine, Kozume-san." He gave her a smile, which she returned with another quirk of her lips, that analytical gaze returning with it.

She spoke again when he took his first sip, pulling himself into a too tall bar stool. "How long have you been friends with Kenma?" _That's a weird question,_ he didn't think he could answer it, to be honest. They'd been rivals for months before Kenma had called them friends. "Three months." _That was when we met, but that's like the same thing._ She hummed, her head tilting with her lips. "And you live in Miyagi?" He nodded, only slightly taken aback by the change in subject. "How was the train ride?" _I slept through most of it, also I didn't pay for the ticket._

He swallowed, not sure how to answer, it felt like a question in a question, the look in her eyes suggested that as well. "It was fine, slept through most of it." He answered truthfully, she nodded, giving him some relief. "Kenma told me you had a panic attack, how are you feeling now?" _Nervous. Cold. Is about-to-be-murdered via eye contact a feeling?_ "I'm fine." He answered shortly, looking away from her too strong gaze, "It was probably just something I ate." He added after, giving his tea another sip. It was sweeter than the smell had indicated.

She made a small noise, something like a scoff, "I think that might be the opposite of the problem." Something he couldn't recognize was present in her voice, "My son also told me that you've been skipping meals, well, replacing those meals with meat buns." _Is there anything Kenma didn't tell you?_ He bit the inside of his cheek, the words already starting to form in his throat that ended up in a strangled mumble. "You're not on any medication, are you?" Her voice was closer this time, a quick glance showed thin arms leaning on the counter, almost in his personal space but not quite.

 _Two pills on the bottle._ The words rattled in his mind, too foggy to place. "I don't think so?" He answered instead of the no he wanted to say. She was quiet for a long time, he looked up, the sharp angles of her eyebrows were higher than the last time he had seen her face. "You don't think so?" She asked, voice high and questioning. "I heard my mom talking with Sato about pills and bottles, but I've never taken pills, so I dunno if they were talking about me." She nodded, sipped at her tea, her lips were thin, puckered. _Did she not like the tea?_

"And the 'chalky' rice?" _Did she-?_ He blinked, "What about it?" A loud breath from her nose forced him to look away, "You never made the connection? Her voice is curious, and now he is too. "You think they put the pills in the rice?" She didn't react, but the answer was in the air. "But-why?" She shrugged, "I'm not the one to ask." She leaned away, leaving him silent and stunned. He swallowed, not sure what to say, _how did she put that together? How could I not? Who is she?_ His brain filled with confusion and anger and "Gwaahh" He groaned, settling his head on the edge of the counter.

"Do you know what it could be?" His voice was quiet and he wondered if he would have to repeat it, she shrugged again, "No idea." She sipped at her tea, "I'd need drug names and then we'd know." _We._ "Are you a doctor?" He couldn't help but ask, she smiled. "Something like that." _What does that even mean._

"I'm a psychiatrist." _Like Grand King, but with a degree._ He nodded at the information, "So you like, play mind games with people?" His voice sounded bitter to his own ears, his hip and neck flaring at his words. Her face changed into a smooth mask, "Do you want to play mind games?" He shook his head, _I want Kenma._ "I was just curios about Kenma's new friend, he doesn't make many of them, let alone buy seven pies for them." She laughed again, but all he was focused on her words, _Why didn't Kenma had many friends? He's so cool. And really good at volleyball._

He frowned, "Seven?" He asked, slightly stunned when that processed in his brain. She nodded, still smiling, "Although, I think it was more of an excuse to stuff himself." He almost responded when another voice interjected, "I would never." Kenma emerged from a staircase, looking annoyed and damp. _Had he been in the rain too?_ He smiled at his rival and gave him a small wave as the other made to join him at the counter. He was annoyed to notice that Kenma had an easier time sliding onto the bar stool than he did. _Stupid tall Kenma._ But drowned the words in sweet liquid before the words came through his lips.

"I was waiting for you." Was all Kenma said, looking at him, then at his neck. Kenma blinked, and Hinata flushed, moving his hands to cover the burning flesh. "Something happen?" Was all the other boy said and he shook his head, perhaps too quickly. Kenma looked like he was going to say something but his cat-like eyes were drawn in by another teacup being put onto the counter.

"You're wet." _Excellent observation._ He nodded, hiding a bitter grin into his tea. "So are you." He said eventually, taking in his friend's slightly damp hair. Kenma nodded, took a long sip of his tea, then stared at his mother, "I see you met my mom." He nodded when Kenma looked at him, he wasn't sure he could handle two sets of cat-like eyes staring at him like that. "She uh- we talked." _About how my rice isn't actually rice, or just rice. About my panic attack. Just casual talk with my friend's mom._ Kenma looked like he knew what he was thinking and his lips quirked, bearing an uncanny resemblance to his mother as he did so.

"Anything interesting?" Kenma asked soon after, giving him another look like he knew what they'd talked about, _he probably does,_ and was gauging his reaction. _Interesting is a good way to put it._ He nodded, "Yeah." He answered quietly, "Thank you for the tea." He said, staring into the empty cup. Kenma's mother looked down at him, another smile, "Thank you for coming over." _Why is she thanking me? I just took her tea and maybe ruined her floor._ He swallowed, then nodded, looking away.

They were quiet for a long time, and Hinata was starting to get twitchy, the tea was too sweet not to have a lot of sugar in it. "I have work to do, I hope you enjoy your stay, Hinata-kun." She pulled away from the counter, and walked towards the front door, it slammed soon after.

"Your mom seems nice." Kenma was staring again, "You have bruises on your neck." _Right to the point._ He squirmed under the gaze then, "Y-yeah." Kenma scoffed, "Are you going to tell me why?" His head sunk at that, _I got marked by Grand King. I got touched by Grand King. Grand King wants me._ He shook his head and Kenma was quiet for a long time. "Did you like the game?" Kenma asked eventually, and Hinata frowned, "You mean the game that gave me nightmares and scarred me for life? Kenma's lips quirked at his admission. _Sadist._ "That would be the one."

Kenma hopped out of his stool after draining his tea and took both of their cups to the sink, then he exited the kitchen and walked to the stairs he had walked down from. "Come on." He said, quiet but forceful. He nodded, grabbed his bag from the door and followed Kenma up the stairs.

He wasn't sure what he was expected, _lots of games and maybe a pack of cats,_ but Kenma's room was a bit different than his mind had supplied him. There were games, but the walls weren't covered in shelves full of them, the walls were visible and a dark shade of blue, it suited Kenma somehow, the same way he did in his school colors. He tried to imagine a color that Kenma didn't look good in, but couldn't picture one. _Maybe green._ But he imagined Kenma flopped out in the forest, playing a game while birds landed on his still form, and that theory was out of the window.

"You can sit down." Kenma's hand waved to his bed, bigger than his own, but not one that dominated the floor. It was in the middle of the room, unlike the corner where his had always been, and directly under a window, covered in split curtain, a sliver of the street he walked on visible through it. _So that's how he gave me directions._ He looked back at Kenma, who was staring at him, at his neck, specifically. "Tell me." It wasn't a question, wasn't asked like one, and the look Kenma was giving him would make it a hard one to dodge.

"Did you know it was a drug?" He asked instead, _If you can't get through a block, go around it._ Kenma blinked, looking into his eyes for the first time since he noticed the bruises, "Not at first, then _my_ stomach started feeling weird. How long?" _About the marks or the rice?_ "A few years, I thought it was a rice allergy." Kenma scoffed, then jumped onto the bed, scooted back until his shoulders were against the wall. Hinata joined him, regretted it, he wanted to hide but he pushed himself closer. _Why?_ He sighed, buried himself in Kenma's side as Kenma pulled out a game from almost nowhere.

"I'll keep asking until you tell me." _Back to the bruises, then._ He sighed into Kenma's stomach, squirmed until his head was on top of it, he could feel the other's pulse like this. _Thump, thump._ "Someone gave them to me." The noise from Kenma's game stopped abruptly, he looked up, Kenma looked down. "Obviously. I was asking for a name." _Oh._

He huffed, he wasn't sure what to say besides _Grand King._ "Why?" Quiet, scared. Kenma's stomach tensed under his ear, he never thought that Kenma would have muscles, but he had been playing Volleyball for a number of years, so it shouldn't be as shocking as it was. "I don't want people hurting you." The bruises flared as Kenma spoke, low and focused on him. "Why?" Kenma scoffed again, but the tension in his stomach didn't disappear. "We're friends, Shouyou." He nodded, _friends._ It's been a while since anyone had called him that, his team just called him _teammate,_ always by his last name except for Noya-senpai, or annoying, although that was mostly Kageyama and Tsukishima.

 _Middle school._ He realized, was the last time someone just freely called him like that, it wasn't that long ago, _Why does it seem like ages._ "Thank you." It was murmured into Kenma's stomach, but the tension eased, telling him the other boy had heard. The game noise started back up, he closed his eyes, "I still need a name." Lighter this time.

"Grand King." It was a whisper, a secret. The only worth keeping. From Kenma, anyway. The pulse in Kenma's stomach picked up against his ear, "You're gay?" A question, an accusation. He remembered that Kenma went to church every Sunday, would probably condemn him to hell, or spray with holy water. He shrugged, not entirely sure himself. "I dunno." He said anyway, Kenma inhaled deeply, letting Hinata see over the device blocking them. Kenma's eyes weren't meeting his. "Do you hate me?" He didn't mean to be that blunt, but he needed to know now.

Kenma's stomach jerked, "No." Quiet, distracted, but accepting. "'m sorry." Kenma swallowed loudly, "It's not like you can choose that sort of thing." He snorted, all the times he had said _yes_ to The Grand King, giving him permission to show up, permission to kiss him, permission to touch him, his body and mind. "Is Oikawa a vampire?" He giggled, tension melting away with each breath denied to his lungs.

They stay like that until it's dark, darker that is, the sound of rain makes him tired along with Kenma's pulse, but he's distracted from that by the game in his hands, something much less violent. _Animal Crossing,_ Kenma told him, conquer a town, make friends with animals, build a house. He didn't think it would be that interesting, but he wasn't able to put it down. _No demons, no blood, I think I could get used to this._ There was even a cat that looked suspiciously like Kageyama, Kenma told him that that cat was much less creepy than Kageyama.

Kenma's game stopped making noise, and he looked up, "You should eat." Hinata wants to remind them that _they_ had been sitting here for hours and that _they_ should eat, but Kenma is staring very intently at him so he just nods. The black-blond leads them downstairs, past another room he hadn't noticed before, a big almost table is shining under a chandelier. "What's that?" He can't help but ask, tugging on Kenma's leading hand. The boy stops, most likely follows his gaze and leads them towards the object. "It's a piano. Want to try?"

He's never seen one this big before, shiny and black and almost takes up the entire room, "I've never done it before, do you play?" Kenma says nothing, just pulls him onto an uncomfortable bench that's covered in thin lacy material that does nothing to stop the wood from pushing against the bare bones of his butt. He's distracted from that when Kenma's hands surge forward and starts _playing._ It's deep and fast and beautiful, he'd heard piano music before, but this was much better than that.

Kenma keeps going, faster and slower, Hinata never noticed how long Kenma's fingers are, they stretch across too many keys and move quickly across them. The _masterpiece_ ends with a deep hum that vibrates in his chest, Kenma looks at him, almost bored, like doing something that amazing is second nature to him. "That was awesome!" He chirps, pressing his shoulder against Kenma's, making the other boy snort against him. "Do you want to try?" He offers again, and Hinata is frozen. "I-I shouldn't, I'd probably break it or something." He was rather accident prone after all, and the piano looked more expensive than the majority of things in his house.

Kenma makes another noise, then hands are tugging on his, hopefully to leave, but more notes ring in his ears, his fingers feel clumsy but warm under Kenma's guidance, he's pretty sure his hands are sweating while the other boy guides him into making _music._ He laughs a little, shocked that he was able to do this, albeit he had help, but it's _wow._

He leans back, back cracking as his spine straightens out, "How long have you been doing that?" Kenma's off the bench, walking towards the kitchen again, "Too long." Is the only answer he gets, he laughs at how old Kenma sounds when he says that. The black-blond just blinks at him, "What do you want to eat?" He has no idea, he's never made a meal before. Kenma just stares at him, waiting. "Rice and fish okay?" He almost wants to snap _no!_ but recalls what Kenma's mother said. _Medication? Isn't it obvious?_ He just nods, "Want some help?" He offers quietly, Kenma shakes his head. "You're the guest." There's more amusement than resentment in his tone and Hinata smiles.

Hinata settles on the floor of the kitchen, leaning against a cabinet while Kenma darts around the kitchen with pans and frozen fish. Kenma looks down at him, shocked each time like he forgets that Hinata is there. _Maybe he's not used to guests. Or people sitting on his floor, watching him. Maybe both._ He offers the other boy a smile each time he's looked at, and Kenma just looks at the pan in his hand.

He meal is finished when the rice cooker starts singing, _the rice cooker is actually singing._ He asks if all rice cookers sing, Kenma shrugs, "Probably." He nods, making a note to operate his own rice cooker one day. _Isn't it obvious?_ Rips the bones from the fish, the skin is brown and crackles when he slices it open. "This is really good." He comments, Kenma looks at his plate, "Make sure you eat." His stomach is still in knots from this morning, he eats instead of talking until his plate is cleaned and Kenma is satisfied. The rice was sweet, steaming, and when he swallowed he didn't cough. It was new, and good, and warm. He smiles at Kenma, who has fish skin on his cheek.

Kenma looks good when he's satisfied, not quite smiling, but his stares are less like glares and his lips aren't as thin. He offers to clean the dishes since Kenma cooked for him, but Kenma shakes his head, and they're placed inside of a small box. _A robot dish washer. Awesome!_ He stares at the device Kenma fiddles with buttons, flinches as it starts making noise, he's only a little disappointed that it doesn't sing.

They play more games when they get back upstairs, this time on Kenma's TV, and they play together. _Smash Bros. Everyone plays Smash Bros., Shouyou._ He just nods, fumbles around with the controller while Kenma's character beats his to death. Kenma smirks at him, and he growls in return, "I'll definitely beat you this time!" He promises, stretching his cramping fingers. Kenma just snorts, turning back to the screen in front of them.

He doesn't beat Kenma. Ever. Not even once. They play twenty-six rounds and he lost them all. He wonders if he could beat Kenma in an actual fight. _Probably not._ He sighs, which turns into a yawn. Kenma stares at him, then rises to his feet, leads him into the bathroom and they brush their teeth together.

He puts his head on Kenma's stomach, it's warm and soft under his face. Kenma looks like he wants to say something about him lifting up his shirt and then cuddling into his stomach, but he just sighs and pats his head, Hinata jerks as Kenma's warm, long fingers settle into his hair. "Kenma, are you really smart?" It probably sounds like a random question, but it's something he can't help but wonder. Kenma's body adjusts against the fabric of his bed, but it's too dark to see anything.

"Not really." Is all he says, then there's music, soft and inviting. It mixes well with Kenma's pulse and he falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of like parts of this chapter, but I have no idea how to write about friendship. I've never had friends that I hang out with in person. So, sorry if it gets a bit like, non-realistic, or whatever.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Chapter Fifteen**

As expected, he wakes up before Kenma, he pulls _Animal Crossing_ out from under Kenma's thighs and starts to care for his town. Kenma told him that the game was an everyday task, and that he would have to talk to animals that lived near him everyday or that they would leave. He doubted that Kageyama's feline counter part, Bob, would ever leave him, seeing as real Kageyama hadn't done so and they fought every time they talked to each other.

He's planting a violet next to his mailbox when Kenma stomach shifts under his head, can feel the other boy start to roll, but stops after he seems to realize he's unable to move. "'m going to have an imprint on my stomach for a month." Kenma's voice is deeper than usual, he's not sure what to make of it. _Mark you as mine._ His neck cracks loudly when his head jerks away, plopping down on an unusual mattress. The words in his head tug at his lungs, and he tries to pull in a big breath but comes up empty.

He's on his third attempt when Kenma shifts next to him, his black-blond hair is loose and wisps across his cheeks. Kenma's hands under his back and pull him into a sitting position, he rests his forehead on Kenma's shoulder, but slides off when his body starts to tremble. Kenma's grip is loose, giving him the opportunity to run, but there's no feeling in his legs and hands, he whimpers. There's a distant part of his brain that wonders if his body is allergic to Saturdays, _Have fun in Tokyo._

Hinata gasps into Kenma's shirt, the drag of oxygen relieving and terrifying, but it clears his blurring vision slightly. Kenma's long fingers drag down his back and slide back up slowly, remembers the way Kenma had played the piano yesterday. "Breath with me." Kenma's body inflates against his, "In." He tries, pulling in another big breath, but nothing goes into his lungs. "Out." He sighs with Kenma, his head slips further onto Kenma's body, his nose pressed into the crest of his friend's back.

"I can't." His voice is raspy, and not his own, but his brain is racing with more terrifying things than losing his voice. Grand King's hand on his hip, burning; Grand King's lips ripping parts of his soul through his neck. Grand King laughing and then not. Snake eyes. _Mark you as mine._ He did the same thing to Kenma. _I'm becoming like him._ The realization is much devastating, he tries to rationalize that it shouldn't be. _Grand King loves me. Why am I so scared of him?_

He should be more scared of Kenma, the power to show him things he could never see on his own, the power to calm his resistant lungs. Kenma's voice is soft in his head, "In. Out." A whisper, but he can almost hear the fear in them. _I scare Kenma._ He almost cries out, but there's nothing in his lungs right now and it sounds like he's choking. There's a burning itch in his eyes. _Tears, such a fucking baby._ He huffs into Kenma's shirt, irritated and scared. Scared of himself.

He can breathe again after a too long moment of his brain shooting sparks of panic, the settle like empty clouds, he can feel them but they're not affecting him. "Are you okay?" Kenma's voice is still laced with fear and Hinata wants to laugh, _I scare him and he asks if I'm okay._ He snorts, and nods, wiping baby tears from his cheeks. "Sorry." And Kenma's hand is off his back and holding onto his jaw, forcing his eyes to focus on Kenma's glare, "Don't be sorry for things you can't control." It's a hiss, a warning.

He's never seen Kenma this close, this terrifying before, a lump forms in his throat but he can still breath. "Sorry." He repeats, for a different reason. Kenma sighs, releases his face, and leans back onto his pillow. He's left sitting up, staring out at the sliver of suburban Tokyo, the sky is cloudy but bright. He looks down at Kenma, Kenma's looking at him.

He leans down, leans onto Kenma, lining their disproportionate bodies up, his face hovers over Kenma's, unsure if he could tuck his head under Kenma's chin or press their ears together and listen. He's not sure, about the contact, about his head position, Kenma stares at him with blank, open eyes."Can I kiss you?" It's a stupid, stupid question, but he doesn't think there could be a better one. Hinata watches Kenma's golden eyes blink, pupils shrinking as a line of sun is cast upon them.

His lips are on Kenma's before an answer is given to him, absorbs all the information that races through his senses, saves this moment, hopefully forever. He tries to come up with description of the kiss, of Kenma's lips against his. _Warm, rough, dry,_ are his immediate thoughts, but they're not poetic, they're not right.

He pulls back, buries his head next to Kenma's, expecting to be yelled at, expecting to be condemned. "Sorry." He chokes into Kema's pillow, he comes up with his answer at the same time that Kenma finds his words. "Shouyou-" His name, his given name, and nothing more. Kenma's voice is quiet, stunned, _scared._ Hinata can hear him swallow, it's loud, and the noise frightens him. "Stop hiding." It's sharper than he expected, his head jerks up, looking at the fabric that surrounds the other boy, but not at him.

He expects to be hit now, _I probably deserve it._ Wonders why probably and not definitely, Kenma is - _was-_ his friend, and he took advantage of that. He deserves it. The pressure against his face is sudden, but it doesn't hurt the way he expected, it's hot, like being burned alive. His eyes flicker open, wet again from useless tears, Kenma's eyes are close, too, too close to his. He jerks back, "What was that for?" He gapes down at Kenma, who just stares at him.

"You did it first." Is Kenma's tense answer, and he feels like screaming _Don't you hate me? Why didn't you hit me?_ His questions remain in his head, Kenma's talking again, "I thought that's what you wanted." He asked for it, literally, and sighs. Kenma could - _should-_ have said no, let him choke on his own breath and let Grand King pick up the pieces. "You could have said no." Kenma humms, he can feel it against his stomach, then gives him a ghost smile. "It was nice." _I scare him, kiss him, and he calls it nice._

"Why didn't you stop me?" He wants to stop talking, make it go away, make it a dream, but he can't let it go. Kenma's smile drops into a deep frown, he's reminded of Kageyama, "I want to comfort you." It's a sudden answer, one he didn't expect, realizes his shoulders are still tense, waiting for the hit that _won't_ come. "Sorry." He's not sure what for this time, _forcing you to comfort me._ Kenma lets out a big sigh, then all at once his world is upside down, Kenma's over him, long fingers pressing into his shoulders, then his face is warm again. _Chin, cheek, other cheek, nose... lips._

His face is too cold too soon, Kenma's hair is on his face again, taunting him, and he opens his eyes. Kenma's face is dark, tense, and he swallows another apology. The other has him trapped in that cat-like gaze, it sends chills down his spine and makes his ears burn. "How's your village?" The _look_ vanishes, and Hinata is allowed to blink. Does so. Once. Twice. He laughs into Kenma's drooping nightshirt. "Tom Nook is kind of jerk." He answers, Kenma snorts, lowers himself himself until his breath is right in Hinata's ear.

"He's just a raccoon trying to make a living, nothing wrong with that, Shouyou." And he laughs again, and cuddles into Kenma's arm as the other boy watches him talk to each of his villagers. He leans back, stares at Kenma's profile for a long time, then leans up. "Sorry." He whispers into the flesh, after his lips have pressed into it. Kenma's gaze shoots from _Animal Crossing,_ and onto him, then that face is twisting, heat pushed onto his temple. "Thank you, Shouyou." He doesn't ask for what.

He's done with his town for the day, saves twice under Kenma's ominous warning, and then he's left staring at Kenma's socks. "Are you hungry?" He's not sure, his appetite usually tied to the presence of meat buns, but he finds himself nodding under Kenma's sharp look. His head jerks when Kenma's hand lands on it, once, twice, then a third time, then Kenma's rolling out of the bed. He takes a moment, _In out._ _In out._ Then follows the other boy out of the room.

He glances at the piano Kenma had showed him last night, remembered all the buzzing that rang in his head longer after Kenma's fingers had stopped. Remembered those fingers in his hair, making him sleep. Remembered those fingers on his back, letting him breathe.

Kenma grabs the bundle of towel and his clothes from yesterday from the counter, and looks at it, "I'll clean these for you." He wants to stop Kenma, to claim that that's unnecessary, but another voice stops him. "Good morning, Hinata-kun." His gaze was pulled away from the disappearing Kenma and up at his mother, "Good morning, Kozume-san." He shot her a smile, she returned it, drawing attention to her dangerously red lips. "I-I'm fine." He hates the way his answer is stuttered out and almost a question, "How are you?" He asks, brightening his smile as a recovery.

Her smile drops, eyes shining, _studying_ him, again. He swallows and looks away, hoping for Kenma to come back. "Oh, I'm just fine, about to head to work. Thanks for asking." He feels guilty for no reason, and remembers to breathe as Kenma returns, hands free of clothes. "Are you okay, Shouyou?" Kenma asks as soon as their eyes meet, then the contact is gone, onto his mother, "Shouyou had another one this morning." _Panic Attack,_ his mind supplies and his guilt is doubled when Kenma's mother looks at him again, with concern instead of interest.

"Do you know what caused it?" He shakes his head, _Grand King_ rattles around his brain when he does. "Sorry." He mumbles, looking down and away from her too-knowing looks. "Sorry for worrying you." He can hear Kenma sigh as he apologizes twice in a row, but he can't help it, they come out at easily as breathing today and he doesn't know why.

She makes a soft noise, then there's footsteps, and tan stockings pull into his vision. His head jerks when her nails make contact with his scalp, she hums for a long time, like the music that Kenma had played for him last night. It's relaxing, even if the way her nails drag isn't. He swallows, glances up, she's still staring, looks back down. The contact ends after a small eternity, and he wants to apologize for pushing her away with his reaction, but barely holds it in, more concerned that it would return if he did speak.

"Any plans for today?" She asks, from farther away, he looks up to see Kenma hugging his mother, it's a nice sight. The resemblance between the two of them, and the warm contact just screams _family._ He wonders if he or Natsu looks like that with their mother. Kenma's mom pats on Kenma's hair, smoothing the out of place hairs quickly, and then pulls back. "Shouyou wants to dye his hair, so I'm taking him." Kenma's mother looks over at him, a red frown, "Aw, I like the orange, it's so cute on you. But it's your body." She shrugs, then looks back at Kenma, "Are you getting yours redone?" There's amusement in her tone, and her long fingers, _Kenma's fingers,_ pull on Kenma's messy mix-matched hair. Kenma scowls up at his mother, she just laughs and walks towards the door, "Have fun with your girls' day, boys!" Then the door closes.

"What color are you getting?" Kenma asks once they're on the street, an umbrella hanging from his elbow and his phone in front of his face. Hinata adjusts the sleeves of jacket, _again,_ it's one he borrowed from Kenma, his still currently in the washing machine at Kenma's house. He's brought back to Kenma's question after the sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, he had almost forgotten that he told Kenma about this. "I dunno. I was thinking just black for now." He chews on his lip, it shouldn't be a complicated answer.

Kenma just nods, then pauses, digging into his pocket and handing Hinata his cellphone and all too familiar bill, "Nearly washed this, kind of wished I had." He pouts as Kenma's lips quirk, "What's _that_ supposed to mean?" He asks, almost offended. "That phone is like, ten years old, Shouyou." He's not sure how Kenma knows that, but he doesn't know anyone that knows technology better than Kenma, so he can't really say anything. "Well, maybe I like my phone." Kenma snorts, "It's almost older than you." He sighs, he might have to get an update, since his phone will no longer match his hair after today.

"I don't know anything about phones, they're all expensive, and you can't even close some of them." He flicks his phone open, claps it closed. Kenma glances at him, "You can do more than _close_ a smart phone, like look up the weather instead of getting soaked." He can hear the smile that Kenma's face doesn't show and he shouts back at him, "Well, you could have warned me with _your_ smart phone." Kenma just hums, nodding shallowly as he walks, "Probably." And he sighs.

He doesn't like the smell of salons, he realized as he stepped into the building Kenma had led him to, it was also too loud, unfamiliar machines whirring too loudly in his ears. "Kenma-kun! Long time no see!" A cheerful voice comes, then a tall, skinny woman with familiar messy, dark hair steps forward, her heels clicking annoyingly as she approaches. "Good morning, Kuroo-san." _Kuroo? Like Model Boy Kuroo?_ Hinata blinks, tilting his head to take in the woman, mentally comparing her to Model Boy.

Besides the hair, and the height, there's not much to go on, physically, they're both loud though, but so were a lot of people. He tried to remember anything else he'd noticed about Model Boy. _Tall, loud, thin, messy hair, uh-_ He glances at the woman who is now questioning a disinterest Kenma. _Nosy._ _Check._ He wonders if she can spike or receive like Model Boy can.

"Oh!" She squeaks, _oh god,_ and Kenma's grin is obvious and completely depraved, Hinata shudders, "And who might you be? Are you on the volleyball club too?" Kenma sneaks off, and Hinata glares at him before answering, "I-uh, I'm on _a_ volleyball team." She blinks, her smiles is warm and her eyes lack that irritating quality that Kenma and his mother have, "What school do you go to?" She asks, tugging on his wrist with too sharp nails, he hides a wince, "K-Karasuno." She nods, brows creasing probably trying to remember _where_ that is.

"So, what are you boys in here for today?" He's pushed gently into a chair, thankfully one beside Kenma, he looks at him pleadingly, but Kenma just smiles back at him before speaking to Kuroo's mother for him, "He wants his hair dyed, and I want another touch up." Kuroo's mother rolls her lips, they scrunch up into a tight wad and then she's smiling again. "Alright then, you've done this before, right?" Her gaze lands on his mop of messy orange as he shakes his head.

"Do you now what color you want?" She asks from behind him, he squeaks when the back of the chair gives, and his hair is instantly covered in water. He nods carefully, trying not to show how uncomfortable he is, she _probably_ knew what she was doing. He glances at Kenma from the corner of his eye, he's going through the same hell he is, but isn't looking as uncomfortable as Hinata feels. "Black." He answers quietly as those nails - _daggers-_ start rubbing his scalp along with something that squelches noisily, _shampoo._

The water is warm and almost relaxing, except for his possibly bleeding head, then those nails are on his chin, tilting it up while another set of hands ruffle his hair with a towel. Kuroo's mother stares at him, very intently, not in the same way Kenma or Grand King do, but in an appraising sort of way. She smiles suddenly, "Yeah, I can see that; the orange looks good too, though." She winks, and then there's _hot_ noise buzzing on his scalp. The other person that was drying his hair now had a device in his tattooed hands, _hairdryer._

His can feel his hair _squeak_ as it's tossed around, combed and adjusted, it's unusual, he wonders what special shampoo they used and where he can get a lot of it. _Here, probably._ Kuroo's mother is scanning a wall of shelves, then returns, still smiling, with two bottles. "Are you sure you want to do this? We only use permanent dye, and it won't come out until you redye it." His eyes widen slightly at that, he and Natsu will never have the same hair again, naturally, anyway. _Mom will probably snap._ He almost laughs and then nods, her smile widens.

A magazine is pushed into his hand, it's all in Romanji and he can't read most of it, stares at the pictures of too pretty girls with flowing hair and glittering accessories, trying to ignore the smell his hair is protruding or the crinkle of the aluminum foil. _Is this a joke?_ He's dizzy by the time she leaves, a timer ticking over his shoulder, and he's grateful that he's alone. He thinks about his recent decision, _No more sun nicknames, so that's something, now it's like the night, the sun's kind of in the night, so that's something I guess. I'm like space, a bunch of people filling spaces where nothing would be. I wonder if I have aliens in my hair._ He realizes very quickly that the hair dye is making him _really_ dizzy, but the timer is close to ringing so he'll suck it up.

He yawns and then the timer rings and Kuroo's mother is instantly by his side, pushing something sticky onto his forehead, he squirms. "This'll make sure you don't any dye on your face-" She paused, then laughed, a barking chuckle that doesn't surprise Hinata that she has, "I'm sorry, I don't think I caught your name. How embarrassing." He smiles easily at her, "Hinata Shouyou." He supplies and her hands freeze, "Oh! Of course! I should have known from the hair, Tetsuro talked a lot about you." He wasn't sure how to feel about that, didn't have time to process as she kept talking, "He said you can jump really high, most impressive thing he's ever seen!" She cackles, "I thought you'd be taller, though, but I guess Chibi-chan is a little more fitting now that I've seen you." He bristles at the mention of his height and that nickname, but if she sees it she doesn't care, she just keeps talking. _Model Boy's name is Tetsuro._ Hinata snickers to himself, _cheerful my ass._

His hair is washed again, and then he's presented a mirror to look at the change. His breath exits his lungs and doesn't come back until Kenma talks, "It looks nice." Kenma is smiling, so he does too, Kenma's hair is entirely blond, it's unusual, but Kenma probably thinks the same of him, so he doesn't say anything. He's distracted by a memory, the day he fell in love with volleyball. _The Little Giant had black wavy hair._ His hair is more messy than wavy, but he can feel a _connection_ to his idol now. He likes the look of it, it's shinier than Kageyama's but that's probably from the lighting, it's dark and reflective like crow's wings. He smiles into the mirror, and then offers the same look to Kuroo's mother. "Thank you very much!" Then inclines his head, a little shocked as _black_ bangs cascade in front of his eyes.

He wondered for the first time what Natsu would think of the change, she probably wouldn't recognize him, then scream, then try to rip it off, then beg Sato to dye her hair too. He smiled to himself, and jumped out of the chair, taking in Kenma's now fully blond hair. "It's bright, like a lemon, or eggs, or the sun." Kenma's amusment is shown through a raised brow and a snort. "Are you hungry, Shouyou?" And Hinata's face heats up, "Sorry, I uh-I suck at words, but it looks good, so that's all that matters." He smiles up at Kenma, his face is blank now, then he nods.

Hinata hands Kuroo's mother the ten-thousand note, he's relieved that it's gone, like another mark being removed from his skin, she hands him back a stack of bills, three one thousand notes. He thanks her again, formally and with another bow, Kenma just waves, and then they're out on the streets again. "Do you want to go to Hokara?" Hinata felt his neck pop from nodding so quickly, he had been craving squid since he saw that place yesterday. "Is it really good?" He didn't really care but he was wondering how much his mouth should be watering, Kenma shrugged, "My dad really likes it, picks it up every Sunday." _Oh?_ He swallows, "What's he like?" He's curious, Kenma seemed like almost a replica of his mother, _what kind of habits did his dad give him?_ He thought about it all the way to the restaurant, Kenma hadn't answered his question yet.

He let Kenma talk to the person waiting at the door, he was kind of nervous about his and maybe his _accent,_ Kenma just raised his brow and Hinata looked away, if his face was warm, he could just blame it on the nearby grills. His question got answered once they were alone at a table, "He's cool." _It took you fifteen minutes to come up with that._ He leaned forward, asking for for more details, watched Kenma's throat work. Kenma hummed, a sense of satisfaction rippled through him, "He's home more regularly than mom, uh-he has black hair, he's taller than me, but shorter than my mom." Kenma's lips roll, his mouth opens, then closes as a waiter pops up in front of the table.

Hinata smiles at him, the guy smiles back, exposing bright white teeth. _Every fucking person in Tokyo._ His tongue rolls over his teeth self-consciously, "What kind of drinks can I get you guys?" He looks down at the menu for the first time, but Kenma speaks before he can even find the drink menu. "A pot of Ichigo tea, please." The guy blinks, face falling for a second, but his smile is perky again as he writes down the order. Hinata feels the guy looking at him for a second longer than necessary and he tugs at his bangs awkwardly.

Kenma's phone is pushed in front of him after the tea arrives, "That's him." He looks down at the screen, Kenma's dad is taller than Kenma, and his smile is bright and warm, and there's nothing menacing behind the look in his eyes. He wonders how Kenma's parents got together, they seemed like opposites, she was tall and professional and observant and intimidating. Kenma's dad had a round stomach that pushed out the front of his casual t-shirt, his face was unshaven, hair short and messy. "Are you close?" Kenma is barely smiling compared to his dad, but he offers the camera a limp victory sign. He slides the phone back and sips at the tea that Kenma had poured was less sugary than the cup he had with Kenma's mother, but still leaves his hands jittery as he skims over the menu

The reappearance of the waiter makes him jump, but the guy is still smiling, "Ready to order?" He quipped, with joy that Hinata couldn't decipher. _He must really like squid._ "Daikon squid stew, please." He answers quietly, trying to punctuate his words _properly,_ Kenma's brow raises slowly on his head, but it lowers when the waiter turns to him, notepad poised loftily, "Ginger squid." The guy nods, and then smiles, "Your food will be ready soon."

"Explain." Hinata almost asks _about what,_ but Kenma's stare doesn't allow a playful answer, "Sorry." He murmurs into his tea, taking a long sip to avoid looking at his friend. Without answers, Kenma seems to see through him in an instant, "You don't have to pretend, nobody cares if you have an accent." He frowns, "I do." Kenma sips his tea, "Do you?" It seems like more than one question, it leaves him silent for a moment before he nods.

Kenma shrugs, "I like it." Barely heard over the sound of frying squid, his face heats up and they both look away. "Thanks." Kenma nods, tea against his lip again. He almost sighs in relief as the food comes, it gives him something to focus on. His eyes itch from the steam that rises up, and his hands are still shaking from the tea, which gives him even more to focus on. They eat in almost awkward silence, they don't talk much, but they share food, reject dessert but Kenma orders a to-go order of stuffed squid.

"For my parents." _Parents. Plural. Am I going to meet Kenma's dad?_ He was caught between a smile and a frown, _Never come back here._ Kenma took the bag, and they paid their separate bills and walking into the mid-afternoon light. "That's enough outside time." Kenma mutters, he wants to mention that they were _inside_ for the majority of their outing, but Kenma's walking a little too fast for him to walk and talk. Then the other boy pauses, Hinata looks around for the cause, but Kenma's fumbling with the umbrella he'd been carrying since they left. It opens just in time for the the first drips of water and Hianta almost throws himself under the shield, not wanting to soil even more clothes.

They don't have to walk long, Kenma's previous pace bringing them close enough they only need the umbrella to cover the last block and the gate to his yard, he pauses with his friend under the house's protection, to remove his shoes and for Kenma to close the umbrella. The house is loud when the door opens, and not from the rain, there's music, two instances of music he realizes. He looks at Kenma, who doesn't look surprised and in fact, almost annoyed. Kenma removes his shoes, places them on the floor instead of the rack and walks into the brightly lit corridor.

He follows Kenma, and the noise, to the big piano that Kenma had shown him the day before, a man was on the bench, pressing keys wildly, his feet tapping quickly on pedals he hadn't noticed before. There's a speaker on the edge of the instrument, also emitting music, he blinks. _This is Kenma's dad._ The guy is more serious looking than his picture implies, but he appears so drawn into the music that he doesn't notice two people walking in on him.

 _That's what he got from him. Music._ He easily pictured Kenma's mother on the device, long, long fingers pressing keys with as much grace as Kenma could, if not more; but the guy on the bench looked easily as graceful, even with his quick movements and serious face. Both songs fade off together, he wonders if it's by design, and then the guy's face smooths out, and he falls of the bench with a _thump._ Hinata blinks, then surges forward, "Are you okay?" He asks, perhaps too loudly and with too much concealed laughter, for someone who's head just collided with the floor.

"Woah! Sorry, didn't notice you kids there-" He rub at his head, then stops when his eyes land on Hinata, "Sorry, who are you?" The tone isn't harsh but he flinches regardless. "Oh-uh, sorry, I'm Hinata Shouyou." The man blinks, and he offers the man a hand, he takes it and sort of helps him to his feet. "Ah! Kenma, my son, the joy of my life, where have you been?" Hinata blinks, then gapes. Kenma looks unfazed by the warm greeting, and only mildly annoyed when his dad pulls him into a hug. Hinata is sure he can hear one of their backs crack.

"Please let go of me." Comes Kenma's muffled voice, the man, _Holy shit Kenma's dad,_ belts out a loud, hearty laugh, then puts his _son_ back onto his feet. Kenma nods, "This is Shouyou." Kenma gestures to him and his dad's eyes fall back onto him, the man's face lights up in recognition, "Oh!" He belts out, "Right right! Number Ten, I thought you said he had orange hair?" His face flushes, Kenma had talked about him to his dad, it was a nice feeling, like more planets filling the emptiness of his _solar system. I should really cut back on the sugar, and hair fumes._

"He dyed it today." Is Kenma's simple replay and his dad _pouts,_ like a child and Hinata finds himself smiling, Kenma's dad is like a big child, _who listens to music while playing music._ His eyes fall back onto the piano keys, wondering how he stayed concentrated while playing and listening. "So," And Kenma's dad is grinning at both of them, a sparkling display of white teeth, and it's very unsettling. "You boys want to play some games?" Kenma looks like he wants to say _no,_ which is very interesting, but they both agree; and that smile grows into a devilish _smirk._ He swallows out of habit, _this can't be good._

"Shouyou-chan, the landing lag on that ability is fourteen frames, you should really consider using it more sparingly." Kenma's dad is talking about _Smash Bros._ like it's rocket science and he doesn't understand a word that's coming out of the man's mouth, but the message is clear. _Kenma's dad is too good at video games._ He briefly considers asking Kenma if his dad is a robot, but Kenma has an unsettling, grumpy look on his face. He's leaned over the sofa, elbows on his knees, joysticks moving wildly. _Who the fuck are these guys._

The sound would annoy him if it wasn't so _interesting._ He'd seen Kenma on the court, playing his mobile games, on the piano; had felt them on his back, stomach, and face. This was not Kenma, this was a demon, a video game demon, but not quite. Kenma's dad was laughing, his eyes were serious though, he couldn't help but wonder what Kenma's dad did for a job. He doesn't linger on the thought long when there's a shout, it makes his head jerk, but the panic is replaced with joy when the older man hops up and starts _dancing._

Kenma looks like he might murder his own father, _I guess we know who won._ He tries to offer his friend a reassuring look from around his dad's legs, but Kenma is smiling suddenly. _This is very not good._ "It's a shame, I even got you something for when you lost." His voice is flat, and it sends shudders up Hinata's spine. Kenma's dad stops dancing, and is easy to read as his confusion plays across his face, "I won though- Do I get my prize for winning?" Kenma shakes his head, lips tilted up, but eyes cold, terrifying. "Sorry, dad. Only for losing." And then the older man _loses it._ He's on his knees, his head on Kenma's knees, _begging._ This goes on for several minutes before Kenma moves, the bag of stuffed squid placed on the couch next to him. Kenma's dad _squeaks,_ almost as high-pitched as Natsu, and then dives at the bag before it can be taken away.

"I have the best son, thank you for giving me such a wonderful gift, I will cherish it always." He realizes all at once how intense the guy is, about food, about games, and music. He can see why Kenma's mother liked him now, he was nice and open, warm smiles where her's gave off a chill. It was still difficult to imagine them interacting without Kenma's mother analyzing every action that her husband did, but he'd seen her psychiatrist side more than her loving mother side, so his view might be slightly skewed.

"Another round, Shouyou-chan?" They'd done two rounds before he'd gotten his squid, they seemed to revitalize him into begging for seven more rounds. Hinata's eyes had started burning around the fourth round, but he couldn't say _No_ to Kenma's dad. The man was open, but also a mystery, he asked Hinata a question, then revealed a lot about himself in return for the simple answers. His name was Kozume Haruo, _but you can just call me Haruo, Shouyou-chan._ He sighed when it had happened, but it was better than he thought it might have gone. Haruo had been married to _his beautiful, wonderful, amazing Aki-Chan_ for twenty three years, and they had two sons, _the wonderfully smart Manabu-chan,_ and _my beautiful, youngest child, you is the joy in an otherwise dreary day, Kenma-chan._ Hinata giggled wildly at the explanations while Kenma just glared at the screen in front of them harder. Haruo apparently _only_ lost to his _fiery, intelligent, dynamic Aki-chan_ in any game. Kenma told him it was because his mother could read the game and his dad at the same time. _That sounds very unfair._ Haruo didn't seem upset about it, quite the opposite actually, that unnerved him as much as it made him gush. _This guy's so in love._

Haruo asked him about his _career_ in gaming, which was a short narrative of, "Kenma gave me demon-related nightmares, and then he made me form a capitalist country for a bunch of animals." Haruo howled with laughter at that, _he's still winning though, maybe he really is a robot,_ and asked him about his town. He told him about the cat that looked like his setter, and that Tom Nook was a very mean raccoon. Haruo's subsequent laughter made his stomach warm, and then Haruo decided the tournament was over and it was time for prizes.

By prizes, he meant pie, all seven pies that Kenma had purchased for him to try. "So, what other interests do you have, Shouyou-chan?" His lips tighten at that, he'd already talked about volleyball, which was pretty much the majority of his life, he shrugged and Haruo pouted, "You can't let one thing rule your life, Shouyou-chan, otherwise you'll get burnt out." He's not exactly sure what  _burnt out_ means, exactly, but if Haruo thought it was bad, it had to be pretty bad. 

Kenma wasn't sure how the pie hierarchy should go for a newcomer, so he decided to start him off with one for tonight, it was peach, the gooey insides a pretty shade of pink. Haruo asked him how the pie made him feel, "Uh--Happy. I think." He's not sure what else to say, it does boost his energy a little, and the cup of water Kenma gives him eases the strain in his eyes. "Do you listen to music, Shouyou-chan?" He blinks, he has a limited experience with it, most of it too loud for his ears to handle for long. He shrugs his shoulders. 

Then he was offered a piano lesson, he wouldn't have said no even if Haruo wasn't giving him puppy-dog eyes, three of them crammed onto the piano bench. Haruo teaches him proper posture,  _being short won't be hot when you're older._ The comment only made his eye twitch a little, Haruo was talking again before he could figure out how to start a fight with his friend's dad. "This is middle C" He stated, pointing a key near the center, Kenma spoke up then, "The octaves go A through G, then repeat." Then Kenma's hand was guiding his again, showing him A through G and repeating. Haruo taught him warm-ups, then six hands were dancing on the keys, until  _one_ of them started a shoulder bumping war, then they ended up on the ground. 

Kenma's dad left them soon after that, giving them smiles and a victory sign before darting out of the door, whistling. Kenma sighed as the door closed and he offered the other boy a smile, "Your dad is interesting." Kenma looked at him, his eyes looking like they'd just swam across the ocean. Twice. "A-are you okay?" Kenma nodded slowly, sighed again, "He's just a handful sometimes." He nodded, he could see how that might be true. Kenma led them upstairs, brushed their teeth together, and settled into bed. Hinata was hesitant for a long time, feeling awkward as he recalled the morning's events. "Hey Shouyou?" Kenma sounded half asleep already, he hummed in askance, eyes flicking up to where Kenma's head would be. 

"Can I kiss you?" Hinata felt his heart start to race, he swallowed, it sounded too loud in his ears. He crawled forward, leaned down and pressed his lips blindly in Kenma's proximity.  _Feels like his cheek?_ Kissed right,  _nose._ Down,  _lips._ Kenma's lips pushed against his, he pushed back. Felt Kenma smile against him, he smiled back and settled his head against Kenma's shoulder, giving him a small peck on the cheek before Kenma started snoring. 


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Chapter Sixteen**

He's cold when he wakes up, which shouldn't be possible considering he fell asleep with Kenma's jacket on, while nuzzling into Kenma. His face flushes with that realization, but the rest of him is too cold to really complain. Hinata rubs his legs together, silently praying that the hairs will finally grow in, he moves down to tug at the hem of his jacket and is startled when something stops him. Kenma had never woken up before him before, he tilts his head up a fraction, vaguely aware of how little he has to adjust to look into Kenma's eyes.

Kenma's eyes are glowing, and his eyebrows are bundle wrinkles on the bridge of it. Most importantly, Kenma looks angry. Angry at him. He swallows, the blood that had pooled in his cheeks evaporating as he look in his friend's face. "Kenma?" He asks, quietly, his lungs feeling empty without cause. Kenma is frozen, still staring, then Hinata is hit with the full force of the other's look. "Shouyou, will you be honest with me?" Kenma's voice is clear, likes he's already been up for a long time, but Hinata is more perplexed by the question. He nods, and his next breath _wheezes_ out of him, "O-of course, why wouldn't I be?"

Kenma nods, eyes still locked onto his, "What is this?" _What is what?_ Then there's burning where there used be ice, he doesn't have to look down, but his head tilts as Kenma's eyes shift down his form. Kenma's hand rests in the dark puddle that Grand King had left on his skin, his palm not quite reaching the most blunt part, but his fingers span all the way around. He hisses when Kenma squeezes around it. "Explain." Kenma's voice makes his throat do funny things, he's scared. Shouldn't be, _Kenma would never hit me._

 _But he could leave me,_ he gasps when the burning on his hip is amplified by another squeeze, "Wa-I-I-" He swallows nothing but air, "I'm sorry." It's quiet, he's guilty and doesn't know why. His eyes move away from Kenma's hand, away from the other boy entirely until hes staring at the wall. Kenma's quiet for too long, and he's left wondering if he just imagined this whole scenario, but can still feel the weight of Kenma's hand on him and his lungs burn almost as much as his skin does.

It's gone, all at once, and his body is shifted, tugged and pulled until he's sitting up. His head spins and forces his eyes shut, "I'm sorry." It comes out as a gasp, straight into Kenma's neck, he can feel the muscles working under his chin. Kenma's hands travel the span of his back, rubbing circles into his spine. He apologizes again, but Kenma hushes him, and continues rubbing. "Just like yesterday. In. Out." He can feel Kenma's ribs press against his, and tries to mimic the movement but his chest refuses to expand.

"Please don't hate me." He's crying now, his difficult respiration stuttering with each inhale, "Please-please don't hate me." He begs into Kenma's shoulder, but the other boy doesn't say anything besides instructions. He doesn't want to breathe, he wants to be accepted. Kenma doesn't give up, and Hinata quits talking, just following the other's instructions while tears burn his eyes. "I'm sorry." He says, louder now that breathing is under control.

"I don't- I could never hate you," Kenma swallows, and then he lets out a low sigh that Hinata is sure he's not supposed to hear, "I just want to know why." It's a simple request, that sounds more like a plea than it did before. Hinata shrugs, "Did Oikawa leave them?" The setter's name is filled with acid that sends his lungs to a halt. He nods, too focused on breathing to talk again. Kenma sighs, louder this time. "Did you-Did he?" Kenma trails off, sounding frustrated at his lack of words. "Did he force you?" Kenma's looking away from him, but he can spot the bubbling hatred in Kenma's eyes when he pulls away, he shakes his head. "Grand King asked me out." He supplies, but Kenma says nothing.

"Did he do other things?" Kenma's looking at him now, studying him the same way that Grand King has in the past, memories of Grand King's hands on his body dance across his skin, his thighs press together as he recalls the last time instance of Grand King's touch. He nods, looking at Kenma's face but not into his gaze. The prominent ridge of Kenma's neck bobs slowly, his lips are set into a grim line, "Why did you kiss me?" The question throws him off, and now he's frowning. _Isn't it obvious?_

"I think," he can almost hear Tsukishima laugh when he pauses, "I think I like you." He says it all at once, and his gut is lighter at an instant, but Kenma's silence starts to fill his bloodstream with cement the admission weighing him down more than if he had said nothing. Kenma leans back, making a void between them, "Shouyou." Kenma says, then nothing else. It's spoken without infliction and he can't interpret much from it, the nothingness fills him with dread.

He leans back too, not sure how to deal with the wall that Kenma put between them, "If you-If you want to stop being friends, I get it." He doesn't get it, doesn't want to get it, ever. He keeps talking instead of running like his brain urges him to, "It's fine, I shouldn't have- I mean, you were nice to me and I- I took advantage of that. I'm-" _Sorry._ His lips form the words, but nothing comes out, but something returns with his intake of air.

Kenma's in front of him, the void no longer existent as Kenma's lips push against his. He's not sure how to react, he expected Kenma to remain silent as he grabbed his things and left. _He's kissing me._ He's not sure what it means, acceptance or a goodbye kiss, and his eyes burn as he weighs the options. _Why is he kissing me?_ Tears roll down his face again, and he's filled with anger at the sensation, _why am I so weak?_ Kenma pulls back before he has an answer, "Let me protect you, Shouyou."

He freezes, _Kenma wants to protect me._ Hinata doesn't know what he needs protecting from, but he's nodding, too scared to reject Kenma's mercy on him. "I'm sorry." He whispers, over and over, but Kenma's arms wrap around him until he runs out of words. "You don't have to be strong around me." He doesn't know what those words mean, but Kenma's tone, strong and caring, have him nodding. "You don't hate me?" He needs to know, even if Kenma is tired of answering it. Kenma laughs, it's the first time he's heard it and it's beautiful, "Very much the opposite, especially when you made me that pie." He can hear Kenma's smile, with too white teeth that everyone in Tokyo has, but Kenma's is special. Kenma's smile is for him.

"Speaking of pie," Kenma says after a long time of sharing space and three -four- kisses, "I think it's breakfast time." He's laughing then, feeling warm for the first time, and follows the other boy off the bed. "Are you suggesting that we have pie for breakfast, Kenma-senpai?" He asks, ever so innocently. The other boy snorts at the name, or maybe the tone, "Don't you think that's setting a bad example for impressionable teens?" Kenma stops on the stairs, turns back at him and stares. "Well, _kouhai,_ I happen to know that pie for breakfast makes you good at volleyball, guaranteed." There's a smile, small but warm, like Kenma's jacket, and only for him.

Hinata hums loudly in thought as he follows Kenma into the kitchen, "Well, having someone teach you volleyball is also a way to improve." It's more of a challenge than anything, but the way Kenma's eyes slant tells him that he's not playing the game. "We have church to go to, and you have a train to catch." He wants to inform Kenma that he doesn't want to participate in either of those tasks, but there's a spoon being shoved into his mouth so he doesn't get a chance.

"My my," A voice, _the wonderful, amazing, stunning Aki-chan's_ voice to be specific, cuts into silence where he'd been contemplating kissing pie from Kenma's cheek. They both turn around, synced through their time together, "Good morning, Kozume-san!" He chirps, trying to sound like he wasn't just about to kiss her son but he's not sure how to sounds like anything but that. Hers lips twitch at his greeting, "You're in a good mood." She notes, her gaze flicking between the two of them, and he swallows around pie and nervousness. He nods and smiles, "W-would you like some breakfast?" He freezes right after he speaks, _I just offered breakfast to someone in their own home._ His cheeks redden as her lips tug into a grin, "Perhaps another time, when Kenma isn't indulging you on sweets." There's no bite in her words, but her eyes reflect something else. "How did you sleep?" It's a customary question, but his eyes are forced to the floor, trying to think of something to say besides, _I cuddled against your son._

"Shouyou had another panic attack." _Tattletale._ He's grateful though, Kenma's mother looks like the kind of person to get answers through any means necessary, her hips frown like they did the morning before with the news. "Must be an anxiety disorder." She hums softly in thought, but Hinata's gut drops at _disorder._ The words makes him uncomfortable in reference to himself. "You should probably-" her words cut off for the first time since they've met, "Probably ask about your medication." She finishes smoothly, and with a sad smile. _Two. Bottle. Anxiety._ His hands shake, and not from the pie.

She's talking again, and he's not sure if he wants to listen when her eyes fall onto his, glistening with sympathy, "Your mother really shouldn't have tried to hide your condition from you," _Condition._ "They can get really out of hand if you're not regularly medicated." He doesn't like the ease with which Kenma's mother speaks, like she wasn't pushing a thousand questions into his head, he tries to simultaneously recall any instance in which his behavior could be considered anxious.

The list is short, and his mouth opens as he tallies them together, "What does anxiety do?" He hates how quiet his voice gets, how choked up the word _disorder_ gets him. _You don't have to be strong around me._ He looks back at Kenma, who's chewing around a frown. She catches his eye before she starts talking, "Inability to sleep, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, panic attacks, fear of people." She lists them off as if it's a daily occurrence, then he realizes it probably is. _Psychiatrist._

"How can you not sleep but be fatigued?" He asks instead of, _can you cure me?_ Her smiles is colder than the one he'd gotten earlier, "The brain is like that sometimes," her nail taps on her chin for a moment, but she doesn't say anything. "It's like when you want to spike, but the ball is off." It's Kenma who speaks, his eyes are dark, and he offers a smile when he notices that Hinata is staring at him. "You just keep trying?" He inputs, because he would never stop after one failed spike.

Kenma and his mother laugh, and the tension eases from his brain when the topic of _what's wrong with Shouyou_ is no longer discussed, "Your father came home last night?" Kenma's mother asks, her phone in her palm, Kenma hums around a spoonful of pie, the smudge is gone from his cheek and Hinata is left disappointed. Kenma raises a brow at his frown, he just smiles, "Oh dear." He remembers Kenma's mother, feels his face heat up, but her eyes aren't on them and he can breath again. "He played that game for four hours?" Her tone makes the statement serious, but Hinata just wants to laugh. Kenma confirms and she sighs, "Honestly, you're both going to need glasses before you're twenty." She clicks her tongue, but she's smiling now, he can tell that Haruo is saying all sorts of gushy stuff through the phone. "You're going home today, Hinata-kun?" Her eyes on him all at once, he barely catches a glimpse of her _in-love_ face before it mellows into a regular smile, he nods.

"I wish I could stay longer, it's really nice here, thank you for having me!" He bows deeply, and only for a moment, before he's giving her a smile. He feels empty and full inside, _I'm not who I thought I was, but now I have Kenma._ She blinks, and her neck lowers, "It was a pleasure having you, I trust my son to make good friends, so this home will be open to you whenever you want it." It's his turn to blink. Twice. "You mean that?" It's quiet, uncertain, Kenma had offered him strength when he was weak, now she offered him a home. _Too nice, even when they're glaring._ She's moving away, towards the door with a hum in acknowledgement, "I like the hair by the way!" She calls from the door before it slams.

His face is hot again, and he tugs at the dark bangs, he turns to Kenma, who has a different container open now, "Your- You guys are really nice." Kenma makes a weird noise in his throat, then another one, and then he's coughing loudly and Hinata is panicking, slapping his hands on Kenma's back, he's waved off after a powerful one and he relents. "Sorry." He murmurs, only half sympathetic. Kenma clicks his tongue, and he has to comment further, "Even if you guys look really mean, you're still nice." And then he's running as Kenma tries to stab him with a stray chopstick.

Hinata feels weird being in a Tokyo church, everyone is either smiling with too white teeth, _the teeth people here must make a lot,_ or glaring at everything in sight. He borrowed church appropriate clothing from Kenma, since all of his clothes were damp and far too casual. _What do you mean you can't wear volleyball clothes to church, Kenma?_ But he did pull on Kenma's volleyball jacket and that seemed to shut the other boy up. Kenma's hair was combed neatly, bright blond hair tucked behind his ears, he had a jacket that looked uncomfortable but was quite soft, Hinata might have held onto the corner of it while Kenma led them to church.

The atmosphere is uncomfortable, maybe it's the residual guilt from having spent the morning kissing another man, and he can't think of another reason, besides the heavily contrasting faces that surround him. He's mortified when the pastor, an old woman with grey hair and creepy, all seeing eyes, points at him during the middle of a _chant._ "You boy, you're new here, aren't 'cha?" Her voice interrupts the loud praying of everyone in the building. He looks down, feigning shy instead of terrified, but Kenma, _I take back what I said about being nice,_ stand up next to him, "Yes, Masuyo-sensei!" He bellows, his expression is almost blank, but friendly and Hinata wants to murder him. _Strength my fucking ass, I swear to fucking- Right Church.._

He's pushed in front of a crowd of at least one hundred people, all of them staring at him, with their unsettling faces, he stutters out a formal greeting, not even attempting to disguise his accent. "Why don't you introduce yourself, boy?" He blinks, glares at Kenma, who's sitting in the back, looking rather smug. "H-yes, uh-" He turns from the old woman, his limbs feeling heavy and his breath even heavier, _You don't have to be strong._ "Hello, my name is Hinata Shouyou, thank you for-having me here!" He bows, it sends the air rushing from his lungs and it doesn't come back.

The pastor only just starts speaking again before he's running towards Kenma, "In. Out." The older boy hums into his ear, dragging fingers around his back. The icy appendages shouldn't be as comforting as they are, and he's able to breathe again before everyone stands, _that was fast._ He stands with Kenma, keeping a grasp on his jacket pocket because if Kenma wanted to embarrass him he was coming with. He's left, confused, as nobody but him moves towards the door.

Then the singing happens. He's caught between a laugh and a very long sigh. He didn't know most of the words to songs he actually liked, let alone songs about Jesus. He kind of just made noise, humming softly while moving his lips, Kenma seemed to know what he was doing. _As usual._ His voice was deeper singing than when he was speaking, _or volunteering for public humiliation._ He could really understand any of the words, at least one hundred voices overlapping one another in attempt to show their God the most love.

Hinata's exhausted by the time Kenma's pocket leads them out of the building, he's pulled along paths of endless concrete and stares at Kenma's face the entire time. He wonders if there's a rule about distance from church that you have to be before kissing another male. He decides that two blocks is enough, they're stopped at a crosswalk, Kenma staring at the sign above their heads, and Hinata staring at him. He leans up on his toes, and gives Kenma's cheek a peck where the pie smudge had been earlier that morning.

Kenma reacts slowly, he looks at him, their eyes are almost level like this, and then a flush spreads across his cheeks. Hinata laughs, tugs on Kenma's jacket as the other people start to move across the street. "Why did you do that, Shouyou?" Kenma sounds more offended than he should, he shrugs, "Sorry, Kenma-senpai, I'll never disgrace you in public again." He says as seriously as possible, but Kenma just glares at him, then swoops down, offering him the same as soon as they're back on the sidewalk.

"We should get you to the station." Kenma sounds breathless, but all they've been doing is walking and praying, Hinata's face drops at the suggestion. Sundays are his mother's only day off, and he has to speak with her about the pills, about everything. "Kenma?" He asks quietly, "Will you come with me?" He looks away from Kenma's surprised expression, "Wa-I don't think that's a good idea, you should talk to her, Shouyou." It feels harsher than it should be, _I'll be strong for us both._ "I don't want to!" His yelling, knows that he's yelling, can feel his words buzzing in his ears. His words don't sound like lies, but they are. He wants to talk to her, wants to scream and cry at her, for doing this to him. For lying. But he's also scared, scared without Kenma, that he won't even get the courage to look his mother in the eyes.

"I need you there." It's more truth than he wants it to be, he needs Kenma with him, to stay strong, to make sure he doesn't explode. Kenma looks like he might say no, "You said you'd be strong for me. I don't think I can do this alone." His nose burns with his eyes, and he presses them into Kenma's jacket, terrified of acceptance. More terrified of Kenma telling him no.

He doesn't say no, or anything, "If you need me." And Kenma's hands are rubbing on his shoulders, probably trying to push him away before he gets snot and tears all over his jacket, but the pressure never comes the way he expects it. "Strong for Shouyou." He nods, out of things to say. Kenma leads him back to his house, he's still holding onto Kenma's jacket, even when the older boy tells him that he's taking it off. "Shouyou." Then his hands are open, and rough warmth replaces the smoothness he had been holding onto. He looks down at his hand, Kenma's fingers are twisted with his. He squeezes, pressing Kenma's clammy palm against his, and smiles up at him. He wonders if Kenma will ever deny him this way, giving him as much physical attention as he wants, he certainly hopes not.

Kenma gives him kisses in place of their hands being locked, every fourteen and a half seconds, not that he's counting. They're resting against each other, or he is at least, pressed into Kenma's spread legs, Kenma's firm stomach serving as a pillow for his back, his neck a guide for his head. He's playing _Animal Crossing,_ giving Kageyama-cat a very ugly shirt he found in a tree. Kenma is playing _that_ game, the one that had given him nightmares, his face is blank as if bored by the hellish screams his game emits.

He stares up at Kenma from under his chin, Kenma's eyes are on his game, but he's pretty sure the other boy knows what happening. "Kenma." He half sings, and the screams stop abruptly and then Kenma is staring down at him. "Can I kiss you?" Kenma snorts, then nods, the noises resume and Hinata is careful as he crawls up Kenma's body until their faces are level. He pecks Kenma's cheek, careful not to block the other boy's view, then on his forehead, then licks Kenma's cheek. The older boy's entire body shudders under him and the game pauses, so Kenma can glare at him before wiping his cheek.

They stay like that for as long as possible, the only train that fully rides to Miyagi leaves at two and Kenma makes sure he's packed by then. He tells Kenma he deserves a reward for packing all of his things, but Kenma just stares at him around a spoonful of pie, "No." He says after swallowing, but he's moving forward, giving him kisses on his lips until the pout is gone. "We're gonna miss the train." Kenma says, nearly breathless again, and he nods. He's apprehensive about seeing his mother, talking about his _disorder_ and about his hair, he tugs on the bangs and seeks out Kenma's hand as soon as they're out of the gate.

Kenma scrolls through his phone while they walk down the street, but he's still aware of their surroundings as they weave through streams of suits and stay briefcases. Kenma doesn't even look out for the ticket attendant, just hopes the gap from station to train and finds a seat. Hinata glances around, then leaps the gap, then sits next to Kenma. He leans against the older boy when the train starts to move, and thinks about the events that will follow this and his body slowly fills with dread as he imagines each scenario. His mother and Natsu screaming at him, telling him to leave, to never come back. Natsu telling him that he's no longer her big brother. Natsu hating him, calling him a freak, calling him a slut. His mother telling him that he's crazy, that he's a bad son.

He's not aware of the moment he can no longer breathe, but can feel Kenma's gaze fall onto him, then warm, clammy hands work under his clothes and rub at his back. "In. Out. Shouyou." He nods, but he's not seeing Kenma as much as he sees his family rejecting him. His thoughts stops the train in Miyagi too soon, Kenma's hand was a hot spot against his back, the contact never breaking long after Hinata had found his breathe. "I'm scared." He admits, to himself more than Kenma, as they start the long walk to his house. The older boy doesn't say anything, just holds onto him, leading him home when he'd rather be anywhere else.

The door's unlocked, always has been, but listening to the doorknob twist makes his throat tight. He grabs onto Kenma's hand before the door is pushed in, "I don't think I can do this." Another admission that he doesn't want, Kenma's fingers just roll over his spine, "I'm sorry, Shouyou." He snorts, _I'm being a baby and you're sorry._ There's a spike of guilt in his stomach when Kenma looks down at him, but they don't go inside until he nods. Kenma leads him in, they take off their shoes in silence and he's left to wonder if anyone is actually home.

Natsu, Sato, and his mother are sitting on the floor in front of the TV, and when Kenma leads them around the corner, three pairs of eyes shift onto him. It's quiet for a moment, and he wonders if this is actually happening, then his mother is screaming, "Shouyou, what the hell did you do to your hair?" He winces, but his gaze is on Natsu, who's covering his ears as their mother starts yelling. She's standing at once, stalking towards him, he can see her nose flaring in the dark room and then she's looming over him.

"Mom," his voice is weak and Kenma's hand finds his, "I-can I talk to you?" His mother looks like she wants to spit in his face, scream some more, but takes in a deep breath that sounds like a growl, then nods. "Sato, can you take Natsu out for ice cream?" His mother's tone is sweeter than he thought it could ever be, the dark haired caretaker doesn't say anything as she stands, pulls Natsu onto her hip and scoots past them. Neither of them say anything to him, and his stomach squirms as it fills with shame.

His mom retreats back into the living room, settles on a cushion on one side of the table, Kenma leads him to the other side and gently pushes him down. He's glad for the distance that the table provides, and he glances up at his mom, but she's glaring at Kenma. "Mom-" He swallows, trying to catch a breath he didn't notice he lost, "Why did you lie?" He asks, suddenly but it gives him no relief. She blinks, face softening, "About what, Shouyou?" She sounds close to tears and he thinks that's unfair.

"About my _disorder."_ Kenma's hand squeezes his when he speaks, but he's staring at his mom, waiting for another lie or maybe a fight. His mom snorts, then glares down at him, "It would have scared Natsu if she found out about what you are." Her words are cold, giving him a new meaning. _What I am._ "So- you don't care about me. As much as Natsu?" It's a childish question, _who do you love more?_ He knows it'll be Natsu, can feel it in his blood, but his mom just laughs. "I care about you both, but I don't want Natsu catching your problems, can't have two freaks in this house." He flinches at her words, eyes suddenly itchy.

"How long?" His voice is hoarse and he wonders if he'll have to repeat himself, but his mom is speaking again when he looks up, "Since your dad died, you were always a little off, it got worse when he- after the accident." He nods, but he's shaking now. He doesn't want to remember _that._ The warm smiles that fade to grey with rain, the smell of dirt. He swallows, _always a little off,_ "So you just decided to sneak me pills instead of explaining?" He's shouting now, it echoes on the walls, and then everything is quiet for a long time.

"Is that what this is about?" She snorts, sounding disgusted, "If you can hide them from Natsu, you can have them; but if she finds out. you're out of here." He's stunned by her words, anger dissipating instantly. _she'd really kick me out for this?_ He looks at Kenma, the older boy is visibly shaking, he's not sure why. Everything feels fuzzy and he nods, looking at the table instead of his mom. "Do you hate me? It tumbles out before he can help it, her face is blurry in front of him and he swipes at his eyes roughly. She snorts, a disgusting noise that sends stops his heart, "I don't hate you, I just don't care." He blinks at that, he can't figure out which is worse. Kenma's hand is sweating against his, and he squeezes at it. The other boy eases slightly, but still looks like he might jump out of his skin and across the table.

"Wa-I- I think I need to be alone." His mom huffs and leans back, can feel her gaze as he avoids hers and pulls Kenma towards the door. He's holding back all the emotions that try to explode out as he ties his shoe, then slams the door as soon as Kenma is out of its path. He breaks down then, buries his face in Kenma's shirt and starts to cry. The older boy shushes him, and rubs hands down his back as they walk somewhere. He's not sure his heart will beat the right way, but Kenma's palm tries to restore rhythm. He's not sure he wants it.

He's not sure where to go, _not home, never again,_ but there's not exactly a place to can collapse and never move again. He decides that Kenma's arm are as good a place as any, presses against him and sobs, lungs crackling with each breath he doesn't want. "What do I do?" He asks when his throat isn't too tight, his voice comes out like he's choking still, and he can still feel it. Kenma sighs, pulls his head onto his lap, strokes his hair as he breaks down. "I don't know- I didn't think-" He understands, he didn't think in his worst fears that his mother would speak to him like that. _Freak._ His lip quivers, wanting to say something to make Kenma stop frowning down at him.

It's dark when his eyes dry up, they're closed, pressed into Kenma's lap. "Is she right?" He asks eventually, and Kenma's hands freeze in his hair, "No." It's a hiss, a promise. He wants to believe it. _Freak._ He whines, feeling pathetic. "We can't stay here, Shouyou." He flinches at that, relaxing when Kenma's hands start working again. "Where do we go?" It's late, there won't be another train for hours and he's not sure his legs will work. Kenma makes a soft noise, "No idea." He's leaning back now, staring down at him with a pain in his eyes that he doesn't deserve. "Please don't cry, Kenma." He rasps out, certain if Kenma cries over him that he'll break down again.

Kenma huffs out a laugh, "I'm just worried about you." _I just don't care._ He nods, "I'm hungry." He whines, hoping that full will pull his thoughts from his condemnation. Kenma smiles down at him now, "Well, it's a good thing I brought you here then." He doesn't know where _here_ is, but he's being pulled to his feet. He's surprised when they're halfway steady under him as the older boy leads him into a familiar set of doors. The walk to the counter of slow, Ukai's gaze is equally as slow, lurches over his body. His red jacket with number five on it, the tear and snot tracks no doubt leading down his face, he can feel his eyes starting to swell. "Hi coach." He clears his throat and repeats himself when Ukai just stares at him.

"You okay, kid?" Ukai's voice is in a tone he's never heard before, soft, careful. He nods, after Kenma's hand squeezes his, "Just hungry, I guess." He can feel himself smiling, but it's empty. Ukai makes a soft noise, then there's a bag in front of him. "It's a little late for a snack, shouldn't you boys be home?" He flinches at his coach's words and his knees start to tremble. "No, I don't think so." He's quiet, silent as he puts down a stack of bills, not bothering to count them. He takes the bag in his free hand and leads Kenma from the store.

They're back on the bench, there's food being pushed into his mouth, and he chews it. Swallows but the feeling of emptiness doesn't go away. "I can't go back." Kenma's quiet as he talks, "I don't want to go back." That's half the truth, "But wa- I can't leave Natsu." Kenma's sighing, "There's a train in an hour, you can stay with me until you figure something out." _I'll be strong for you._ "What about the pills?" Kenma blinks, "What about them?"

"Your mom said I needed them or it'd get worse." Kenma nods, eyes lighting up with recognition, then narrowing in irritation. "I'll get them." But he's shaking his head, "I should do this. Say goodbye, for now at least." Kenma sighs against him, but he nods, "It'll be fine, Shouyou, I'm here for you." He's not sure he deserves it, any of the gestures that Kenma does for him.

The walk back to his _home_ is slow, Kenma holds his hand the entire time, not quite leading but not dragging him down, they walk side by side and say nothing. "Why doesn't she care?" He asks when the house comes into view. Kenma doesn't say anything, and he pulls his hand away, "I'll be back." He walks off, leaving the older boy to watch over him from the street. The walk to the door is even slower, his feet are dragging and his head is heavy. _Freak._ _Always a little off. Out of here._ He slaps his face, and he feels something for the first time since he left here.

He almost knocks on the door, asking for permission, and maybe forgiveness, but he just walks in. Sato and Natsu aren't back yet, just his mom sits in front of the TV, then she's looking at him. "Did you actually cry about it?" She's laughing, and each second that passes weighs him down, "I'm just here for my things." Her eyes gleam then, but he's sure it's just his imagination. _She doesn't hate me._ "Pills are on the counter." She shrugs, turning away from him. He nods to himself. _She just doesn't care._ He walks past her, stops in the hallway, stares at the door of Natsu's room for a long time before turning away from it.

He grabs some clothes, his phone charger, a picture of him and Natsu, stuffs it into a bag then shuts the door behind him. He wonders if it's the last time he'll be in his home. _Probably,_ he decides, then walks into the kitchen, the pills glow under the ceiling lights. Bright orange. He's left thinking of his sister, she's the only one with that hair now. He stuffs them into his bag, hates the sound they make as he walks away. He freezes in front of his mother, "I-Tell Natsu that-" _I love her. I'm sorry. I'll miss her. I'll be back._ "Never mind." He huffs, her tongue clicks. She glares at him as he walks out.  _I just don't care._

Kenma's on the porch when he closes the door, sitting on the lone step, his phone lighting up his face. "Let's go." His voice is stronger than he think it should be, but he's not thinking about it for long, Kenma's long fingers wrap around his hand, ties them together. He feels guilty, for leaching Kenma's strength, for forcing him into housing him. They walk back to the station in silence, Kenma's clicking away on his phone, giving him time to think.  _Freak._ He doesn't like his thoughts. 

Kenma pulls him onto the train, he actually bought tickets this time.  _Sucker._ They sit side by side until he climbs on Kenma's lap, pressing his face into Kenma's neck.  _You don't have to be strong._ It's raining when they get back into Tokyo, it's a welcoming distraction. He embraces the cold that the water forces into his bones, he follows Kenma silently, feeling lighter in the other boy's hand than he has since arriving in Miyagi. 

Haruo's not smiling when walk into Kenma's house. Hinata feels sick, dashes into the bathroom, meat buns and acid find their way into the toilet. He's crying again, feeling weak all over. Kenma's hand settles on his shivering shoulders. Kenma's lips slot onto his cheek. "I'm sorry." He gasps, wiping vomit from his lip. Kenma doesn't say anything, just pulls his soaking clothes off. He's wiped down, warm, uncomfortably warm. Fabric is pulled onto his body, but he's numb to the feeling. 

Kenma's chest is warm against his back as he passes out. 

 


	17. Chapter Seventeen: Aki I

**Chapter Seventeen: Aki I**

Kozume Aki was a lot of things, reminds herself everyday that her worth is valid, that she's allowed to be in love and that she's allowed to live. _It's weird,_ she realizes, _how similar we are._ The orange -now black- haired boy her youngest son brought home, stuttering but polite. Doesn't miss the look on her child's face, of course, not even the sun could distract her from that. _Smart._ Kenma had told her all about his new friend, with slight persuasion, more allowance usually got her anything from her son. Ten years of church was proof enough of that.

Hinata Shouyou was almost like two people mashed into one, the bright, flustered boy, and then the scared _child_ that flinches when his head is touched. It took eight years in university to realize that people aren't always two people, Hinata Shouyou was a human and had human emotions that spanned from happy to sad and could he could feel anything and everything differently in a moment's notice. It's endearing, Kenma having a friend, Hinata Shouyou having Kenma.

 _Beautiful._ Kenma's self-worth had been defined by the acceptance of his peers for a long, long time. _"I don't want them to talk to me, just to like me."_ She had frowned then, wondering if these were early signs, but now she looked back at that memory with fondness. It does not escape her notice that Hinata Shouyou is in their home after Sunday, she can feel it in the air for reasons she cannot think of. She realizes that all the lights are off, Kenma had always stayed up ridiculously long during the summer break, always with the light on.

She checks on them after her stockings are off, _blasted things,_ they're close. _Too close,_ she realizes after a moment of staring, their bodies are glowing under the light from the hallway. She tries not to think anything of it, Hinata Shouyou just needed to be comforted. She wants to know why.

The night passes slowly, a bottle of wine slowly turns into a bottle of air as she writes fills in psychological evaluation forms, the words are blurry, but she's been doing this for a long time and can perform the task blindly, like she's doing right now. Her mind wanders, foot tapping curiosity that would make some of her clients throw a tantrum, _What was Hinata Shouyou up to?_ The image of the two boys is burnt into her eyelids, she takes in a new detail with each heavy blink.

 _Hinata Shouyou was not wearing pants._ A skim of her pen, her writing was getting sloppy, considers pouring the last glass down the wine but doesn't. _Hinata Shouyou has smooth legs._ She doesn't know if that means anything, lots of medication causes unusual symptoms. She lists each one that causes hair loss as she types in each file. _Hinata Shouyouhas a large bruise on his hip._ She'll E-mail these before she leaves for work. She remembers that the small boy plays volleyball, and it's entirely possible that the bruise had come from a fall. _Hinata Shouyou didn't limp._

She leans back, computer screen black, wondering if the effort that goes into removing makeup and brushing her teeth is worth it. Decides to just remove the makeup, but while she's here, she might as well brush her teeth. Aki lists her reasons for living while noticing details about the image seared into her eyelids. _Hinata Shouyou has bruises on his neck._ It wasn't what she had seen in her head, but she had seen them before, knew they were there. _Observant._

The bed is cold when she climbs in it, Haruo would be working until morning and would wake her up as he went to sleep. _Hinata Shouyou makes noises in his sleep._ She counts sleep disorders instead of sheep, wishes for a moment that she didn't have to sleep before she could solve the mystery of her mind.

 _Hinata Shouyou has another bag._ She wakes up with a gasp, startles Haruo. His eyes are rimmed with red, his tired smile gives her answers. "Good morning, my princess." Is cooed into her ear, as it is every morning. _Courageous._ She pecks his cheek, he pecks back. "Did you hear about Shouyou-chan?" It's mumbled and takes her a long time to decipher the words, she's pulling on another pair of stockings when she gets it. "What about him?" He groans, she must have waken him up.

"Didn't Kenma text you?" His words are slurring, she feels bad, but he can sleep when she gets answers. She shakes her head, but his eyes are closed, "He never texts me when I'm working late." It's not a rule, just an observation that she relayed to him. "Shouyou-chan got kicked out." Her heart freezes, she doesn't know why. _Good mother._ It's a sick realization, she can't compare herself to another, knowing the details or not. "What?" She cries out, but Haruo is snoring lightly and doesn't rouse.

She's going to be late, Mondays are usually packed with meetings with supervisors and clients, but her boss can wait. _Patient._ She prepares tea after she sends out the E-mails from last night, her head is throbbing, and the tea, sweet and lacking alcohol, is almost a blessing in her stomach. She prepares breakfast, having a feeling the impending conversation might be better with a meal. _Hinata Shouyou has no home._ Her heart lurches at that, she would offer her home, will offer her home, but it's not her -or Kenma's- place to take care of another. Even if they really want to.

They come down as the plates are set on the breakfast bar, she wonders if the smell woke them or it's just convenient timing. _Hinata Shouyou has bags under his eyes._ She watches as he timidly follows her son, who looks shocked to see him, he looks at her, something must be written on her face because Kenma's seem to contort in rage. They sit in front of her, it feels more formal than it should, with her shirt half tucked and her hair still damp.

"Good morning, Hinata-kun." She says, as she has the past two days. _Consistent._ He looks up at her, and she can't quell the flinch before it happens. _Hinata Shouyou has empty eyes._ They're red-rimmed and he looks like he's hasn't slept in ages, she's thankful she knows otherwise. "Haruo told me what happened." It's a question, directed at her son, but she can't take her eyes off the boy who won't meet hers. _Punctual._ Kenma looks at Hinata, who looks at him, Kenma looks away, his face flushing with guilt. "You should eat." _and stay here._

He does so, but only under her instruction, she's never seen a teenage boy so reluctant to eat. "Did you get them?" That one's directed at Hinata, _answers or pills?_ She doesn't care which, but she wants to make him not hurt. _Hinata Shouyou stops eating._ She wonders if Kenma realizes the work he's going to go through, her son doesn't look like he cares that much, just rubs the smaller boy's back softly, carefully. _Hinata Shouyou is made of glass._

Kenma answer for him, a small nod that Hinata doesn't see. "Where are they?" The pills, not the answers, she knows where _those_ are. Kenma's eyes flick up, towards the stairs. _In the bag. Hinata Shouyou's new bag._ She nods, offers her son a smile. A gesture of how proud she is. His lips are set thin, but his eyes light up in a way the rest of him doesn't. _He'll marry well._ She leaves the two boys as she heads up the stairs and into her son's room, it's messy, but she's long given up telling him to clean it. No amount of money is worth ruining personal comfort.

The bag is damp, and heavy, she puts it on Kenma's bed, the sheets still warm from the two boys that had been on it previously. Her fingers wrap around plastic. _Hinata Shouyou. Lorazepam. Two per day. Refills every month. Side effects include blah, blah, blah._ She knows all the possible ones, stunted growth and loss in body hair are the most prominent in her mind, then rage, irritability, insomnia. She sighs, wonders why chemical imbalances have to ruin the physical attributes of a person.

She rolls the bright orange in her hands, wonders if it's a sick irony that Hinata's hair doesn't match the bottles anymore. There's not much she can do, offer him refills. She doesn't even know if he'll take them. _Kenma will._ She has confidence that Kenma could fix the smaller boy, corrects herself. _Hinata Shouyou is not broken._ Her eyes are wet as she descends the stairs, grateful she hadn't put her makeup on yet. She puts the containers on the counter, in between them both. She feels lighter without them, but her hands are empty and there's nothing else she can do with them.

Aki hugs her son, scratches his head in the way she always has, he blinks, probably shocked at the suddenness of the contact, then melts. His arm is still rubbing Hinata's back, "Please eat, Shouyou." He whispers, breaking the heavy silence that had formed without her there. The messy black hair shifts, looking up at the two of them, his eyes flat as floorboards, and offers a smile. Her stomach clenches at that, _Hinata Shouyou fakes smiles._ It's customary to offer a smile to people, Hinata Shouyou's was always bright, looked genuine because of it.

She cries in the bathroom, she's scared. Scared that there are things, _people,_ she has to remind herself, that would injure someone so innocent. So young. So beautiful. She vomits quietly, not wanting to wake Haruo, vomits harder when she thinks of someone breaking the man in her bed. She's composed fifteen minutes later, teeth brushed once more, a mint just in case. Her makeup takes a little longer when her lashes are wet, but she manages to make it look even.

Kozume Aki exits the bathroom, she gives her sleeping husband a kiss. Thanks him for the stability and affection that he's provided. Walks into her study, grabs her laptop and briefcase, then hesitates in the doorway of the kitchen. She's never hesitated, never gives in to fear.  _Brave._ Her lips press against Kenma's hair, she rubs his back, offering him a strength he'll need. She stops in front of Hinata Shouyou, freezes again, angry at herself for doing so. She kisses him on his forehead, thanking him for being strong. Thanks him for not giving up.  _Hinata Shouyou is strong._

She walks out of the door, calls after them with cheer she wish she didn't fake, and walks to her office. 


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Chapter Eighteen**

The next week passes in a blur, Kenma reminds him that time was moving just as slowly as it was before. Kenma also reminds him when to take his medication, two pills every morning when he wakes up. He falls asleep almost right after he swallows, into dreams that can only be described as nightmares. They feel real, because they were real. His mother throwing him out. Calling him a freak. Never letting him see Natsu again. Then there's other dreams, Grand King stars in those, hands touching him like heated iron, burning him. He wakes up screaming and sweating.

He apologizes to Kenma, who says nothing, just pets his hair, commenting how badly he needs a shower. He doesn't take one, can't find the energy to leave Kenma's bed, in more than one case he asked Kenma to carry him to the bathroom. _Side effect,_ Kenma had informed him after his realization that his limbs were too heavy to function. He doesn't remember eating, but he does remember Kenma waking him up telling him to do so, the only time he really raises his voice instead of treating him like he's made of glass. He tells Kenma to take care of his village while he takes another nap, stray pieces of rice and fish on his cheeks.

He has to go back, _eventually,_ he decides. His dreams are in Karasuno, _Little Giant,_ being the best decoy he can be. He'll have to return to Kageyama, to his team, _eventually._ He has nowhere to stay though, and that scares him, keeps him awake for another few minutes in between his bouts of unconsciousness. Kenma offers to get him a transfer form to Nekoma, but he declines, _I can't leave them._ He asks Kenma to let him stop the pills, but Kenma asks him if he'd rather sleep too much or not breath at all.

The question takes some pondering, _I can't play if I'm always asleep._ He can feel his muscles weakening every time he wakes up, Kenma tells him not to worry. _You don't have to be strong around me._ He sighs, nods, then goes back to sleep. Haruo is there when he wakes up sometimes, smile half as bright, but more then he can manage himself. "I'm fine, teacher." He says, brain still fuzzy. He laughs, when Haruo's face lights up. "You better recover quickly then, my dazzling student, you still have much to learn!" He sleep easier at that.

He gets out of bed on Sunday, Kenma helps him to the bathroom, even when he insists that he can make it himself. "I need a shower." He comments, already crawling towards the bathtub. Kenma's hand hovers over his shoulder, he looks up at the older boy, squints because Kenma's hair is really bright for some reason. "Can you-" His throat clears, "Do you need help with-?" He snorts, "I'm not that weak, Kenma, I know how to stand." Kenma's smile is reassuring, fills him with motivation to do this one thing by himself.

Then he falls. Kenma's arms keep his head from colliding with the bathroom tile, blond hair frames a pale face when he looks up. "Okay, maybe I'm a _little_ weaker than I thought." He admits, trying to lighten the dark look that takes over Kenma's features. The other boy snorts, catching on like he always does.

Kenma takes of his own clothes before helping with his, it's the first time he's seen the other boy naked and he's trying not stare. Kenma tries to hold his composure, but he's cheeks are red and his lips are twitching. Kenma maneuvers him into the bathtub, "You have a very nice belly button." He says conversationally, as if Kenma's dick wasn't pressed against his back. The other boy chokes on his own spit, then resumes rubbing scrubbing over his body. "D-don't say stuff like that."

He's willing to bet everything he has that the twitch against him was not out of irritation, he snickers then leans back, his shampoo infused hair making a weird squishing noise as it settles on Kenma's shoulder. "Can I kiss you, Kenma?" He asks, feeling lighter than the pills already make his head. Kenma's ears are red, he likes the look. Kenma's neck shifts, then their lips are lined up, slotting together and sharing breath through a stream of water. Kenma offers his lips for as long as he needs it, but nothing more.

"Do you want this?" He has to ask, physically compelled because his thoughts are never silent right after he medicates. "What want?" Kenma's lips are swollen from being chewed on, guilt and satisfaction mix in his stomach. He leans forward, away from Kenma to get a better look at him without being confused with the heat. His lips open but nothing but water comes out. _The kissing? The touching? Me?_ His face is heating up, angered with how he can't find the words.

"Do you want to do this?" He settles with, his spine stiffening as he physically prepares himself for Kenma's reaction. Kenma doesn't speak, and he's pretty sure the water is going to get cold soon, "I don't want to hurt you." It's quiet, straight into his ear, along with a heat that spreads across his back. _Hurt me._ He doubts for a moment that he could ever be hurt again, that if anything else is added to the pile, it would topple. _I'd break._ He scoffs, turns around so they're face to face, his thighs on either side of Kenma's. He wonders when Kenma's legs go bigger than his.

Kenma's face is blank, and wet, his lips are more so when they're smashed against his. He pulls back after Kenma's body loos/sens under his, "You could never hurt me." It's the truth, Kenma is probably the only person on the planet that could never hurt him. Kenma's face is contorted in doubt for a long time, then acceptance, it comes in the form of a smile, one with too bright teeth you could only get in Tokyo. He takes in the rest of Kenma's body under the other's careful stare. Kenma's body is awesome, Hinata decides, filled with firm muscles and some soft hair that he has to touch.

Kenma's hand grabs his before it sinks lower, onto a particular patch of hair that sends color rushing into both their faces. "You're going to catch a cold." He almost asks how someone can catch a cold from warm water, but doesn't object when Kenma's arm wraps around his chest to lift him from the bathtub. He lets the older boy dry him off, his legs too weak to do so himself, he can feel Kenma's eyes wash over him. It feels like the first time those cat-like eyes have really seen him.

He feels exposed, but only for Kenma, it's a nice feeling. He's wrapped in fabric soon after, and the connection is cut off. He watches Kenma put new sheets on his bed, offers to help but he's met with silence, he sighs and tries to accept his uselessness for the time being. He wiggles his toes, attempting to recuperate his strength quickly, but the digits only twitch weakly. He hates the pills, hates his _disorder._ But he has an answer now, he'd rather be weak and breathing with Kenma.

His phone is plugged up near the bed, not of his own doing, and he crawls to it. "You've been getting a lot of messages." Kenma comments as he pushes a pillow into its case, he hums loudly, a habit that has Kenma staring at him whenever he does it. He's tired by the time he gets to his phone, holds back a long sigh because he shouldn't be this weak, even with Kenma.

He has a lot of messages, most from his team, a few from Grand King, and even one from Kageyama.

 **"idot nae arnt you hum"** He blinks, trying to translate it for the longest time, it takes even longer to think of a response. _I got kicked out of my home for having a mental disorder. Also I kissed Kenma. A lot._

**"Been busy"**

**"I'm in Miyagi today!"**

**"I miss, miss, miss my Chibi-chan; please talk to me!"**

**"Is this about the meat buns?"**

**"Your mom said you ran away from home. Is it my fault?"**

There's a spike of guilt when he reads Grand King's messages, he left him in the dark about the entire thing. Grand King, who loves him, gave him a gift for no reason other than to show that. Who kissed him. Who touched him. He's not sure how to feel when he glances up at Kenma. He thinks he can love Kenma, he doesn't know how to feel about Grand King. Grand King who has scary eyes and plays with his head.

 **"Sorry"** It's not enough, he should tell Grand King about everything, _he deserves that much._ He doesn't know why.

 **"My mom kicked me out"** Then nothing more.

**"Shouyou, answer your senpai!"**

**"Shouyou, we're going to the gym on Tuesday! Tsukishima is joining us!"** He can't help but smile at Noya-senpai's constant enthusiasm, he tugs on his hair, wondering if he could pull off as much hair gel as his senpai does.

 **"Im in tokyo until school starts"** It's mostly the truth, he doesn't know how long he's going to stay with Kenma. _Forever,_ part of his brain prays, but he can't fully convince himself to do it. Staying with Kenma, using his strength to patch his own, seems wrong. Even if he really, really likes to kiss the older boy. His phone buzzes in his hand, he wonder is his senpai was waiting by his phone for the last week, waiting for a response.

 **"Gwaah! Make sure you practice! Or your senpai will punish you!"** He wonders what kind of punishment Noya-senpai could actually come up with, he loves everything about practicing volleyball. He can't find an answer when he responds.

**"Right! i wont give up until I can beat you!"**

**"Hinata your mom said you ran away from home, call me."** Daichi went to his home? _Why is she telling everyone that, she's going get the police involved._ He's not sure what else to make of that.

**"She kicked me out"**

**"Hinata if you need a place to stay I can help."** _Did Suga-san also go there?_ He's not sure how to feel about all of that, he hopes that those two can just not say anything. There's also a happiness swelling in his stomach when he reads their texts, _they're worried._ It's weird, having people on the team worried, he wants them to stop. He's safe in Tokyo, relieved and the only thing that scares him is going back. _Going back to Natsu._ It's conflicting, he can't but he needs to return to that house. He's let's out a soft noise when he refers to it as that house instead of _my home._ He closes his phone.

"Kenma?" The older boy frowns down at him while he adjusts the sheets, there's a hum, but he's not ready to talk. Kenma walks over to him, sheet forgotten, and he's covered in warmth, "What is it, Shouyou?" Kenma sounds scared now, worried, his stomach cramps with each syllable. "Do you-Do you think I should go back?" Kenma's legs tighten around him, then the older boy's chin is pressing on his shoulder. "I don't know." It's not helpful, because neither does he. "They're family, that's your home, and your team." He knows that, but the truth spoken out loud makes his eyes itch. "But I don't think you can stay there. In that house." He nods, tilts his head back. "I want to stay here."

Kenma's breath stops for a second, "I really, really want to stay here. With you." Kenma nods into his frame, "But I can't give up on my dream." Kenma nods again, but it's barely there, and the older boy's chin is shaking against him. "I know, but where will you live?" He shrugs, he doesn't want to inconvenience his senpai, but he'll pay him back somehow.

"Want me to come with you?" It feels like a genuine offer, he laughs, trying to imagine Kenma somewhere besides Toyko. "I wish you could but-" _You belong here. I can't drag you down._ He doesn't know what to say, finds himself like that a lot this past week, "I love you." He sighs it into Kema's ear, not what he wanted to say, but he means it. _I love Kenma._ Kenma stops breathing again, but the limbs around him tighten further until he can't breathe either.

"I love you." It's been too long since he's heard those words from another person, Grand King was the last and that sends guilt and ice into his veins, but it doesn't ruin the flush he can feel in his face. The kiss again. And again. He's in Kenma's lap again, shaking legs bringing them to eye level. He stares into Kenma's eyes, golden, and cat-like, and he smiles against Kenma's lips.

"Can you make it downstairs?" He's sure Kenma does mean anything else with his question, but he hates being reminded of how useless he is right now. "Would you carry me if I couldn't?" He snarks back, irritation sneaking its way into his tone. He offers the older boy a guilty smile, but Kenma doesn't look angry from his words. He almost wishes he would.

"Even with the weight you've lost, I doubt I could manage that." _Lost?_ He looks down at his body, he's always been small, and he didn't think he could get any smaller. _How does sleeping for a week straight make you lose weight?_ He grumbles his way out of the door, half crawling and half supported by Kenma's arms.

They manage to make it down the stairs without either of them falling, Kenma pats his head three times, he glares into Kenma's smirk. "Would you prefer something else?" His tone is teasing, something new for Kenma, he can't think anything more because Kenma's lips are pushing into his and his brain doesn't work anymore. _I like teasing Kenma._ He decides when he can think again.

Kenma drags him into the living room, then pauses. He looks up from the ground and spots Haruo, who's giving him a bright smile, like before he left on Sunday. "Look who's out of bed, any good dreams, Shouyou-chan?" He's only slightly taken back by the cheerfulness from the older man, his brain stutters with images - _memories-_ of his mother and of Grand king. He smiles back, matching Haruo's happiness, "Of course, that's why I slept so long, teacher." The older man is laughing and the guilt of lying eases in his chest.

"We're doing hotpot for dinner, do you want to invite Kuroo-chan?" _Kuroo-chan._ He giggled as he climbed onto the couch, his legs starting to cramp already. "You're good friends with Model Boy?" He knew they were friends, but not best friends. _It's nice that he was someone._ He wonders if Kuroo was strong for Kenma, or if he climbs onto Kenma's lap crying. Both options seem unlikely. "He lives next door." That was not the answer he was expecting, "We play volleyball and walk to school." Also not the answer he was looking for, but he likes to imagine Kenma with a good friend, even if that friend insulted his height on several occasions.

"I think you should invite him!" He chirps, interested in seeing Kenma interact with another friend. Haruo whoops, "The more the merrier!" But his face is stuck staring at Kenma's, who sighs, then nods. "I'll text him." Kenma could probably just yell from the door, and the entire Nekoma team would show up, but he nods, patting the spot next to him. Kenma joins him, his leg is warm and fuzzy against his. "You boys want to play a game while we wait?" Haruo's tone makes him uncomfortable, intimidating but cheerful. But Hinata Shouyou is never one to back down to a challenge, "You're on!" He shouts, plucking the controller that Kenma offers him.

His eyes are burning by the time that dinner comes, Kenma's pause during their eighth round to text Kuroo not enough time for his eyes to recover. "C'mon, Shouyou-chan, it'll take more than that to beat me!" Haruo taunts, bumping his shoulder while his eyes remain attached to the screen in front of them. He grumbles as the TV is turned off, the fourteenth round ending up with him in third place. For the fourteenth time. Haruo told him not to be salty, but he's not sure what that means, so he just smiles before declaring that Haruo will be his rival.

It's almost disappointing when nobody else calls him on his previous list of rivals, but Haruo doesn't notice, gloating that it would take _years_ for him to catch up, he's about to ask Kenma for more tutoring when the doorbell rings. "Oh! That must be Kuroo-chan, he's a little early." Haruo jumps up and rushes to the door faster than Hinata thinks is necessary. "Kuroo-chan! It's been so long since I've seen you! Did you get taller? Your hair is so messy!" He can't hear what _Kuroo-chan_ is saying but he can hear the deep tone of his voice after the door shuts. He looks back at Kenma, who's looking at him while chewing his lip. "You okay?" He asks, pretty sure it's the first time he's ever asked if Kenma is okay.

The older boy nods, then stands up, offering him a hand. He stands on his own, but stumbles after the second step and Kenma's hands latch around his arms. "Sorry-" He mumbles, as Kenma helps him to another room. There's a big table in the middle, with a black box in the center of it. Kenma helps him onto a cushion against the wall and he gives the older boy a smile as he takes the spot next to him. "Sorry." He offers again, when he notices that Kenma is breathing harder than usual, but the blond just waves him off. He spreads his legs out and stretches them, giving his toes a wiggle, proud when they move more than they had done since last week.

There's movement from the door, then a presence stops in the doorway and he looks up, _Kuroo-chan_ is staring at him, then at Kenma, and then back at him. The tall boy seems to pull himself back together and approaches the table, setting down dishes full of meat and vegetables. "I heard a pretty interesting rumor about you, Chibi-chan." His tone is playful and there's a wink with a smile that spreads heat into his cheeks before he looks away. _Stupid Tokyo teeth._

"Rumor?" Kenma grunts from beside him, but the black haired boy doesn't say anything as he leaves the room again. Haruo walks in next, following by _The Stunning Aki-chan,_ who does look stunning, but in a different way than she usually is. "Are you okay, Kozume-san?" He asks quietly, if she hears she hears, if she doesn't, he offered. She blinks, as if realizing where she is, then sets down a big bowl on top of the black box on the table. _That's going to make the hotpot?_ He stares at it for a moment then up at Kenma's mother once she starts speaking, "I'm fine, Hinata-kun, how are you?" He doesn't believe that, feels guilty for knowing the _I'm Fine_ is another way of _I'm not fine._ He swallows, and nods, "I'm okay." Offers her the most genuine smile he can manage, she smiles back, a barely there tilt of her lips. "And how are you Kenma, Kuroo-kun?" She adds the other boy as he returns to the room with a handful of chopsticks.

Kenma shrugs, then hums without a word, but his mother nods, then turns to Kuroo, who's pairing chopsticks and handing them out before sitting directly across from him,"I'm pretty good!"The dark hair boy answers offering the elders a smile. Haruo smiles in return, taking the far end for himself, close to his son and wife "That's good to hear, Kuroo-chan." Kuroo's face is swept clean of his smile at the nickname, and Hinata snickers into his arm to keep from laughing ridiculously loud.

"So, how does this thing work?" He asks, tapping at the black box in the middle of the table, four sets of eyes blink in unison at his question, "It's an electric burner." Haruo answers, as if that means anything. "So it doesn't use gas?" The man nods, then starts mixing sauces together. _Tokyo is a very weird place._ "Do you prefer hot or neutral, Hinata-kun?" Kenma's mother asks casually, and he's left perplexed, again. "Uh-" _Is Tokyo even in Japan?_ Kenma slides against him, "Neutral is sesame and soy, hot is- Hot. Obviously." The older boy points at the split sections of the pot as he explains, "Neutral's fine." She nods, but his eyes are drawn to Kuroo, who's giving him an unsettling look with a smile on his face.

 _He looks more like a cat up close._ He swallows and darts his eyes away, watching as Kenma starts putting strips of meat into both sides, he tries follow the older boy's lead, but he can't quite manage a grip on his chopsticks. _Fucking Haruo._ He curses the older man silently, bad muscles and hand cramps were not going to stop him from eating. "Something wrong, Hinata-kun?" Kenma's mother asks from across the table and he curses her for being so observant. "Just uh-" He glances at Kuroo, then away before the older boy can notice, "Side effect, I guess." She nods, her chin tightening in sympathy.

"Don't worry, Chibi-chan, I'll feed you." There's another smile and another wink shot at him, he wonders if Kuroo has a chronic eye twitch or if he's just creepy, he nods then smiles, "Thank you, Kuroo- _chan."_ Then giggles when the older boy's eyes narrow at him. _Two can play this game._ Kuroo's face smooths out, then he's adding more strips of meat into the pot, then there's a lid and everyone's head drops in unison, Hinata blinks scared they all died suddenly. Then Haruo starts praying and he can breathe again.

He drops his head, not sure if he should be doing something else, Haruo speaks more quickly than he's ever experienced in his life, "-amen." He finishes, and the others repeat it, and he's left confused again. "Haruo was raised Catholic." Kenma's mother explains, obviously catching onto his confusion, he nods. "Is that common in Tokyo?" He asks, looking at Haruo now, who has a flush in his cheeks. The older man shrugs, adjusting his glasses, "I grew up around a lot of Catholic people, so I'd probably say yes." They share a nod, and a smile. Kenma's parents start talking to each other and he's left wondering what other weird customs Tokyo has, _Robot dish cleaners, a lot of dental work, a gas-less cooker, and now religion._ It shouldn't be weird, he's heard his classmates talking about Jesus and God seriously, he just uses them to curse violently.

"You haven't been to school in a while, Kenma." Kuroo says suddenly, leaning forward to stare at the blond boy across the table. Kenma's brows rise steadily, "It's summer." Kuroo just laughs, "But we always practice in the summer." _Practice!_ He turns to Kenma, who's glaring over at his teammate, "I never practice during the summer, you know that." His tone is quiet and almost angry. Kuroo just laughs, "You'll never improve with that attitude, isn't that right, Chibi-chan?" He twitches at the nickname and tries to glare at the dark haired boy, but he's disarmed with another dark look. _Rumor._

"I-I guess." He mumbles, staring down at his hands, still fumbling with his chopsticks. "You guess? I thought you wanted to be an ace, it takes a lot of work, you know." He does know that, is about to tell Kuroo that he knows that, but a hand is digging into his thigh and he quells the urge. "You need breaks to improve as well." He's reminded of Grand King when Kenma speaks, of his injured knee. Kuroo's smirk widens into a leer, "I suppose you're right, another time then, maybe the shrimp can join us?" It's phrased like a question, but it sounds more like an order.

Kenma sighs quietly, the hand on his leg starts moving, "That's up to him." He'd very much like to get back to practice, learn tempos with the Nekoma team, but something in Kenma's voice is telling him that it might be a bad idea. Kuroo looks like he wants to say something else, but he's interrupted when Haruo declares the hotpot ready and removes the lid with a flourish. The smell of boiling meat eases the tension in his shoulders. He manages to get his chopsticks between his fingers, but he's not sure if they'll stay that way if he tries to pick anything up. The problem is half solved when Kenma slides an empty dish in front of him and starts piling it with steaming meat that he fishes out of the pot.

His face flushes with embarrassment at the action,"Thank you very much." He whispers, just for Kenma, lifting a shaky hand to feed himself. There's a strip of beef halfway to his mouth when he notices that Kuroo is staring at him, he raises a brow to the dark haired boy, who smiles easily and proceeds to dig into the hotpot in between them. The meal passes slowly, Kenma getting him accessible food, Kuroo staring at him, he stares back, Kenma's hand massages his leg and the process repeats until the pot is empty.

"Well, that was delicious, we should do that more." His gaze darts from Kuroo's to Haruo's and he smiles at the older man, "I agree!" He chimes in, the meat had been amazing, and the some of vegetables that Kenma forced him to eat were pretty good, except the mushrooms, which he had silently refused to eat.

"Thank you for having me, Kozume-san, Haruo-san." Kuroo adds, standing up as if to leave, "Won't you stay for dessert, Kuroo-kun? We have pie." She adds the last part with a sharp look to her son and the dark haired boy chuckles, an awkwardly loud outburst that makes him uncomfortable, and slightly concerned for the older boy's lungs. "It's safe to assume that it's apple then?" Kuroo asks smugly while he catches his breath. Kenma makes a soft noise in his throat, but doesn't comment.

"Not quite, _someone_ decided to purchase seven pies for reasons I do not know." Kenma's mother sounds tired, but she smiles at Kuroo, who looks rather stunned. "Seven? Kenma, what were you thinking?" Kuroo's tongue clicks loudly as he shakes his head. "You know how he gets around that stuff." Kenma's mother informs, like gossiping with an old friend. _Maybe he is._

He's left wondering how long Kuroo has lived next door while boxes of pie are set in front of them, Kuroo keeps laughing for a long time as he eats, it's obnoxious but endearing. Kenma just seems irritated and he starts thinking that the hand on his leg is more for the older boy's benefit than his own. He puts his hand on top of Kenma's and the other boy jerks, trying to pull back but his fingers tighten around Kenma's. The older boy stares at him, he offers him a smile, but Kenma's retracts his hand firmly, and he picks up a spoon and fork. _Of course._

Then there's a slice of pie on his plate, and then another, and another. He's full and ready to sleep, but Kenma just stares at him, and he sighs. Hinata picks up his spoon and scoops up a piece, he has no idea what it is, the flesh is warm and yellow, which does nothing to narrow down the fruit. "Pear." Kenma tells him, and he hums back around mushy pears. That one is more bitter than he would like, but Kenma eats the rest of it for him. The next one is peach, he remembers the dull pink-orange color, and his final piece if pecan, which is dry and gross and he offers it to Kenma who shakes his head. The older boy is busy making weird noises around what can only be apple pie.

He contemplates putting it back into the box, but there's already a piece missing from it and he's pretty sure that would be frowned upon. The problem is replaced with another one when a huge hand settles over his, he swallows and looks up to see Kuroo with his impossibly long arm spanned over the table and touching his. "Don't like nuts, Chibi-chan?" He's pretty sure there's a joke in there somewhere, but the way the dark haired boy is looking at him is making him more inclined to scream than laugh. "I think I'm done with pie for a few months." He admits honestly, earning him an offended look from Kenma, who has pie on his cheek again.

"Understandable." Kuroo amends, taking the plate from his loose grip and eating it smoothly. He's not sure what to make of the older boy, _He can't be that much of a bother if Kenma is friends with him._ Which makes him question how his friendship with Kenma is and decides that Kenma is a person who attracts loud people. He ponders the mystery silently as plates and pies are pulled from in front of him, he doesn't offer to help, he'd just break most of the dishes while he crawls to the sink. He can hear the dish robot beeping and Kenma returns quickly, offering his arm to him.

Hinata gets to his feet before taking the other boy's arm, climbing the stairs was much more difficult than coming down had been, and he's left sweating as he collapses on Kenma's bed. "You know," Kuroo starts, _Was I really focused on not falling that I didn't notice him follow._ Kenma looks less shocked than he does, the blond boy just settles on the edge of the bed next to him. "When I heard from Karasuno captain that Number Ten ran away from home, I was actually pretty shocked." He blinks, _Daichi told him?_ He was pretty sure that Daichi had only interacted with the Nekoma captain once, personally.

"Daichi told you that?" He hisses, shame rising to heat his neck. The dark haired boy nods, his messy hair bouncing with the movement, "Told me to keep an eye out, and here you are." _Why does everything come out of his mouth as a threat?_ He's not sure, "Wa-I already told him." Watches as Kuroo's lips twist, "Told him what? That you ran away from home to join the rival team?" That obnoxious laugh is back, but it's just for now. He rolls his eyes, "No, and I didn't run away I-" _Oh. Mind games._

"You?" Kuroo prompted, looking a little irritated. "I'm- Vising Kenma, summer vacation. Didn't run away." Technically not lies, but Kuroo looks like he sees through his words, the dark chopper eyes dance across the room, "Seems like you've got more stuff than just a visit, Chibi-chan." His head is nodding towards the area where he knows his bags are, Hinata smiles easily, "Oh you know- Middle blockers always come prepared." He has no idea if that's actually true, but he's pretty sure it's bought him enough time to think of something.

"They sure do." And then Kuroo is towering over him, he knows that there's more than a handful of centimeters between them height-wise, and that Kuroo _might_ weight double what he does right now, and his limbs are slightly numb, but that doesn't stop him from asking, "You wanna fight?" As loudly as possible.

Kuroo's laughing again, a deep chuckle that makes his stomach twist for reason's he can't explain, "Fight? You can barely move your legs!" The taller boy's words send color into his cheeks, "I can still take you!" He promises, but Kuroo's enormous hands are raised, "Now now, I didn't come here to fight-" But he's cut off with Kenma's "Why are you here?" The blond boy's hands were occupied with his phone, but his eyes were on the dark haired boy in front of them.

"Like I said, just keeping an eye out, thought I'd get some answers before reporting back. You know how middle blockers are, right?" He wants to hit the taller boy for making his statement sound cooler than when he'd said it. "What more _answers_ do you need?" He asks, trying to sound anything but scared. Kuroo's hands fold in on themselves, pointing to the nightstand where two bright bottles are sitting. He swallows, throat dry again, _side effect._ "Just about those orange little containers, speaking of orange, what happened to- this?" He scoffs, and Hinata flinches as a huge hand settles onto his head. He can feel his breathing quicken as the weight settles. _Girl troubles. I love you. Marking. Mine._

He squirms, trying to bat the hand away, but it's too heavy, too strong. "Kenma doesn't take any medication, last time I checked." He says, ruffling the dark locks, "But I do like the new color. It suits you." It's the first time someone hasn't talked his choice as anything but a mistake. He's left stunned by the half-compliment. "Ar-Thank you, I guess." Kuroo's laughing again, then it stops abruptly and the hand is pulled from his hair. "Shouyou got kicked out." Kenma mutters it, loud enough for the both of them to hear. Ice. He feels ice.

Kuroo's eyes raises steadily, revealing more of his chopper eyes, "Who would kick little chibi-chan from his home?" It's almost a taunt, but he can almost hear concern, he's pretty sure he's imagining things now. "Don't you think Karasuno captain deserves an answer?" Of course _Daichi_ deserves an answer, the man had held him while he cried and got up early so he could practice, those things make Daichi a great captain, that doesn't mean _Kuroo_ deserves an answer. "I'll tell him right now." His phone is across the room, and he doesn't want to embarrass himself by crawling to get it.

"Don't worry about it, consider it a favor, middle blocker to middle blocker." He's sighing before he can stop himself. _How does Kenma deal with this guy?_ "Well, Daichi knows I got kicked out of my home, but if you want to tell him that I'm in Tokyo, feel free." His words are angry, angry about giving Kuroo what he wanted. Even more so when the guy smirks. "I'll make sure that Karasuno captain gets the message." He's growling now, "His name is Daichi, and he's twice the captain you'll ever be!"

Kuroo's face is shock, then a playful smirk crosses across his face, he reminds himself that he has to be much more careful around the Nekoma team. Kuroo leans down suddenly in his face, "We'll see about that, shrimp." Then he's standing back up, "Let's see how well that captain of yours taught you then?" He blinks, _He knows I can barely move. Fucking bastard._ He calms himself down, only to respond, "Anytime, anywhere." He gets it out evenly, but his teeth are grinding.

"We'll make a bet then," Kuroo's grinning, his unsettling cheekbones higher than he's even seen them, "Winner decides what to do with the loser." He doesn't say no, because he has no intention of losing. He'd find a way to fly, even if his legs were chopped off before then. "Deal!" He calls back, extending his arm as quickly as he can, Kuroo's hand is crushing his and he can't squeeze back. He suppresses the pain until the other lets go, glad that the pills made him barely feel anything in his limbs.

"Have Kenma bring you to the gym when you're not-" He waves his hand, the one that had just been crushing his fingers, at him and then continues, "Three on three, tournament rules. Don't be late." He scoffs, then frowns, "How do I know you won't rig the game?" It could easily happen, Kuroo looks like a guy that could make that happen, but the taller man just laughs, "Are you, Chibi-chan, suggesting that I, Kuroo Tetsurou, would cheat to beat a puny guy like yourself?" He growls, because yes, he was suggesting that.

"A good captain doesn't have to cheat to get what he wants." And then he's gone, with a wave and wink. He sighs, falling back on Kenma's bed, feeling tired all at once. "Brush your teeth, Shouyou." But he has better things to do with his teeth, like tug at Kenma's lip until the older boy kisses him. "I'll never get white teeth like all you Tokyo guys, so what's the point of brushing." He says once he's pulled back to catch his breath. Kenma snorts, "Well, if you brush your teeth, I'll-" He hums for a split second, "I'll set to you, five times."

He's brushing his teeth. On the floor, but he's doing it. Kenma is smirking behind a pile of foam and his phone, but he can feel it when it's pressed onto his cheek as they climb back into bed. "Can I kiss you, Shouyou?" He asks, even though their lips were just together, he's out of breath and about to pass out, but he nods. Kenma's hand is on his shoulder, pushing him down, and the older boy climbs on top of him before pressing their lips together.

 _Holy shit._ Kenma's tongue is against his lips, flashes of Grand King and being kicked out are all removed from his mind as Kenma pushes inside. It's wet, and tastes like mint. He pushes his tongue against Kenma's and then they're rolling into each other. Kenma's hands are on his hips, lightly, stroking in a softness he'd never thought would be real. He's trying not scratch the older boy's back as he clutches at his shirt, whining for more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter exhausted me. I don't eat pie. I don't eat dinner with other people. I've never kissed anyone.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Porn warning

**Chapter Nineteen**

His second week at Kenma's passes much, much slower than than the first. Kenma's assures him that time is moving just as quickly as before. He can't sleep, and he can't walk, but he can manage both with Kenma's help, most of the time anyway. There are three nights where he's sitting on the floor, stretching his legs until he thinks he can feel something. He attempts to walk in the dark but falls quietly repeatedly until he's out of breath and he's still unable to sleep.

Kenma picks up on it the second night it happens, he twisted his ankle slipping on one of Kenma's shirts, and the older boy comes as close to yelling as Hinata's ever heard him. It's three in the morning, Kenma's pissed, not at him directly, he's assured, over and over as the older boy pets his hair. "I know you want to get back on the court, Shouyou, but you can't rush this." He knows that, Kenma's said it almost as many times as he's kissed him. He thinks it's worth it, he tries to take it slow, but Kuroo's challenge is still fresh in his mind the following Sunday and he wants to play so badly.

He watches the older boy sleep, he thought it would be boring, and it would probably freak Kenma out if he were ever discovered, but he takes that risk. Watches the blond hair get progressively messier as he rolls around on his pillow, he wonders what he did to deserve Kenma, what he did to deserve Grand King. They both love him, and he's used both of them, wonders what they could have seen when he yelled at both of them during their introductions. He spends a long time remembering when he should be sleeping, remembers red hoodies, like he's wearing right now, and big, big hands.

Kuroo also has big hands, he realizes, _maybe it's a captain thing._ He thinks long and hard about that one, trying to remember his captain's hands, but he's never measured Daichi's hands and that would have to wait. He thinks about going back to Karasuno, back _home._ He's not sure he can call it home anymore, Kenma is his home now. He's not sure how a person can be a home, tries to pick out the main characteristics of a home. Warm, Kenma's hands were on his waist right now, burning. _Check._

 _Smells good._ He can smell Kenma on the hoodie he's wearing, but he leans forward and takes a sample from the source. _Check._ He can't think of anything else, he can get food and water anywhere, Suga-san offered him a bed, but it would feel too, too big without Kenma in it. Blond hair and golden eyes would be his blanket. He sighs into Kenma's neck, he promised he'd never become a poet. He also promised Natsu that he'd never leave. _I guess that makes me a liar._ He's not sure what to do with the new title.

He flicks his phone open, he's responded to all the questions that the team had for him hours before, and there's no messages now, but he just wants to look. He reminisces through conversations with Daichi and Noya-senpai, looks at the few pictures he has of Natsu, stares at the picture Grand King had sent him. _A picture of himself, how self-centered,_ he thought at the time, but it doesn't feel as stupid as it does now. _You're mine, Chibi-chan._ He wonders why Grand King wants him, could ever want him. _Freak._

 _Daddy issues, perhaps?_ Scoffs silently and shuts his phone, _I can be your daddy._ Chokes on his breath. It'd been from Model Boy, but he could picture Grand King saying something equally as weird, if not the exact same thing. He hadn't known his dad, how was he supposed to have issues with him. He could ask Kenma's mother, but whenever he looked into her eyes he lost the courage to say anything but _I'm fine._ He wants the pills gone, wants his _disorder_ gone, but Kenma tells him it'll be part of his life for a long time.

 _Forever maybe._ He's realized that a lot of forevers aren't as long as he thought they would be. His mother loving him forever, _Almost sixteen years, but not quite._ Watching over Natsu, _She's not even ten, yet._ Being Kenma's rival, _I don't know._ He can easily picture himself on opposite sides of the net as Grand King, but never Kenma, there's never a barrier between them. _Grand King hasn't spent two weeks washing me because I can't walk._ He snorts, trying to imagine someone as big as Grand King trying to squeeze into a tub with another person.

Kenma shifts next to him and he's frozen, _I've been thinking about Grand King while I'm with Kenma._ It's fucked up, but he can't help it, and he's not sure if he would stop if he could. Grand King had scared him, pushed him into the arms of another setter, he's grateful, but frightened. Grand King didn't know where he was, couldn't climb through Kenma's window and-

He swallowed, Kenma's body feels cold in comparison to Grand King's, but Kenma's arms make him feel tired instead of like he's being set on fire. Grand King is fire, he realizes, he's drawn to it and he's scared of it. Everyone is scared of fire, bright and warm from a distance, but cold and painful up close. He sighs, stretches his legs until his ankles pop and his toes curl up, more responsive after a week of training his body. He glances at the window, the sky is almost not-black, he should try to sleep before Kenma notices and refuses to let him out of bed again.

He doesn't want to go back, he could easily settle for watching Natsu grow up from a distance until her memories of him turned to dust. He feels a little sick at that, he doesn't want to be forgotten. He tries to remember their dad, _You look just like him, Natsu,_ his mother had told her while they were sitting on the porch. He glanced at Natsu then, can remember the smile that had taken over her face. He tries to picture his baby sister as a man, balding maybe, with broad shoulders that could spike a volleyball until it fell apart. _Dark eyes, bright hair._ That's all he knows about his father, he can't bring himself to care about much else.

The sky is purple when his father leaves his brain, he sighs, closes his eyes, wondering if Kenma could make pancakes. They'd probably have pie for breakfast, wonders when he'd be able to kiss pie of Kenma's cheek. _Probably when we live alone._ It should scare him, being able to picture Kenma and him growing old together, especially when he can see Grand King there too. He swallows, _freak._

He's awake when Kenma's jostles his shoulders, there's a rattle, pills and a glass push their way into his hands. He swallows, feels Kenma's eyes on him, he opens his home. "Why apple?" Kenma snorts, then hums, this one is in thought, he recognizes that one. A sharp strike against his vocal chords that makes his spine tingle. "I like the color." He nods, eyes closed again, "That's why I like peach, pink is cool." Kenma's head lingers over his now, "Want to know my favorite shade of pink?" He shrugs, Kenma's lips press against instead of answering.

They kiss for a long time, he's tells Kenma that his villagers miss him, the other boy hums, he doesn't know what that one means, but his lips are alone again and he tugs _Animal Crossing_ from the nightstand. They spend the next hour cuddled against each other, he hears Kenma muttering over his shoulder about how that he shouldn't mix patterns, but it's his living room and he'll do as he pleases. Kenma's tongue flicks against his ear and all thoughts of interior design exit his brain, along with instructions on how to breathe.

There's a low hum in his ear that forces an embarrassing noise from his mouth. "Something wrong, Shouyou?" Kenma asks, taking only a second to speak before the mouth is back. He squeaks out something that neither of them hear, he's busy trying to still his jittery body. _Like being shocked._ He whines as Kenma's teeth tug at the skin around his neck, he gasps out Kenma's name when the older boy's hands slide over his stomach, too, too close. "You're-I'm-" He squirms under Kenma's long fingers, freezes as they slide the zipper of his jacket down until his chest is covered in cooled air. "What're you doing?" He stutters out, wanting to push at those hands as much as wants to pull them away.

"Admiring you." It's a harsh whisper, deep and husky in a way he's never heard Kenma before. _Admire._ He's never been admired before, it's never been something he's been interested in, but now he couldn't imagine being without it. "Kenma." His voice is too high to be anything but irritating, but Kenma's hands still dance over him and he's so, so thankful. "Let me admire you?" There's fingering at boxers that aren't his own, they could slide off any effort, his hips squirm. "Please-" He's gasping, he's dizzy from the pills, but he's lucid enough to nod into Kenma's neck, he can feel his chest burning against the morning air.

His lower half isn't as lucky, the boxers are pushed down suddenly with long, nimble fingers, he can feel his blood rushing now, in his ears and much, much lower. Kenma's hands drag against legs, leaving it raised as if begging for their return, because he is begging. He can feel Kenma against his back, unbelievably hard, he imagines that it must be uncomfortable, arches his back to give the older boy time to do whatever, but he's shoving himself back as Kenma's hand lands there.

 _It's different._ Nice even, watching a set of hands roam his exposed body until he's gasping and making the worst noises he's ever made. "Kenma-" He whines, jerking back when fingers tease at a too sensitive bundle of nerves. The older boy hisses in his ear at the action, "Careful, Shouyou." He warns, and he apologizes, but Kenma just hushes him by nibbling on him while fingertips bite into him. He's moaning now, sounds he never thought he would make in his entire life being drawn out of him with dexterous movements. He tries to push himself into Kenma's hands, but the warmth retreats and he settles back down, "Patience, Shouyou-chan." It's uncomfortable hearing honorifics from Kenma's mouth, but it makes his muscles tense and then he's contracting, releasing all over Kenma's fingers and he buries his face into Kenma's shoulder. He just finished because of words, _Kenma's words,_ he decides, the older boy's words will always make him feel too much.

There's a hum in his ear, one of amusement, fondness perhaps. "You like that, Shouyou- _chan?_ "And his hips squirm again, he's softening in Kenma's grip but his veins are contracting all over again. He whines through them, "Two times?" Kenma's talking again and he has to physically stop the other boy from talking before it happens again. Kenma's breath is heavy against his neck, "Wh-what about you?" He asks, cheeks heating up at how childish he sounds asking that. "What about me?" Kenma asks, voice too, too much. He bites his lip for a second, before speaking, "Don't you-I mean- I-" He whines, cursing his inability to form sentences. "Not unless you want to." It's an offer instead of a challenge, which only makes him want it more.

He tugs at Kenma's boxers, then again until they're covering parts of Kenma that he doesn't care about. Kenma is long, hard, and most importantly, leaking. He taps the tip, and the older boy winces, it's weird, having this much power over another person. It fills him with something he cannot name. He taps the puddle, harder this time and Kenma hisses, like an irritated cat. He smiles, then leans down, taking in the sight from closer. Kenma's eyes open impossibly wide, honey pupils covered almost fully in black. It's unsettling, but in a good way.

Kenma has a weird smell, but he likes everything about Kenma, even the thick hairs that cover everything around the hard column of flesh in his hand. He's never touched another man like this before, had never really thought about it until now, _I've been missing a lot._ Kenma's flesh is super-heated in his hands, he feels like his skin might melt off, he tugs, and Kenma's hips follow him. The power makes his mouth water. He leaves one hand on Kenma at all times while he explores other parts of the older boy, the hairs are thick he tugs at them, Kenma's balls pull up when he traces them, he knows what that means. Kenma's thighs are tense, like they might clamp down and squish him, he wouldn't mind, even less so when he traces the bulging muscles, he watches them twitch under his fingers. Kenma makes a weird noise, not quite a moan, but close enough that he's brought back to his mission.

It takes both of his hands to tug at Kenma's length, he likes to watch Kenma squirm, make obscene noises, and terrible promises. "Shouyou-" He gasps, and then Kenma's eyes are clamped shut. _Soon._ Something tells him, and he quickens his pace, watches as his fingers manipulate molten flesh, exposing more of Kenma than he thought he would see. _Favorite shade of pink._ It's not the same as peach pie, but he's taken away from thoughts of deserts as Kenma starts _throbbing_ under him, the older boy bites onto his wrist and growls. He's stunned when his release is propelled onto Kenma's shirt, over and over like confetti. _Kind of like a celebration._ He pokes at the substance, wondering for the first time what it could taste like.

It's bitter and smells like bleach, but that doesn't stop him from sucking all remains from Kenma's shirt. Kenma just stares at him eyes still black, his arms are frozen, one clenched around a handful of sheets, the other held between grinding teeth. "That was awesome!" He comments, and he thinks it might be insensitive, but he's curious and excited, "Does it always go _gwaah!_ like that?" He asks, gesturing to the wet spots on Kenma's nightshirt. The other boy chokes around his own and he's left giggling, cuddling into the older boy, who's heart is racing under his ear. "Yes." Is the answer, quiet and dry. "Shouyou- Why did you?" His shirt is gestured at again, he shrugs, he doesn't know why, doesn't really care. "Did you want some?" He jokes, but Kenma doesn't laugh, he still looks dazed, he feels the same way but from pills instead of confusion and a recent release.

Kenma makes a dark noise a while later, when he's close to sleeping against him, he hums in askance, and Kenma tightens under him. "We shouldn't have done that- _I-_ " He snorts into Kenma's shirt, but there's fear pricking in his fingers, "Did I- Did I do something wrong?" He asks, he doesn't feel wrong, but Kenma's smarter than he is and he has no idea what the older boy can be thinking. "I-" Kenma makes another noise, more like a sob this time, "I _used_ you." It's quiet, like an admission but he's laughing instead of reassuring the older boy. "I liked it, I thought that you did too?" He sounds bitter, and he can't find a reason, he rubs at Kenma's stomach, firm as always, the only thing that doesn't change between them.

"But I _used_ you, Shouyou, I'm not better than-" He cuts Kenma off before this gets out of hand, "Don't say his name." He's hissing now, he's still confused about Grand King and doesn't need Kenma making it worse. "We don't have to do it again if you think you'll hurt me, but I liked it and I want to do it again." Kenma is usually the blunt one, but he thinks it's him that needs to point this out. Kenma sighs, "You-I love you and I'm sorry." He smiles, but it feels weird when Kenma finishes speaking, "Please don't regret it." He can't have Kenma taking it back when he wants nothing more than for it to happen again and again until he can't breathe.

"You don't-" He's not sure what Kenma's asking, but he shrugs, "I really liked it. Liked you touching me, liked when you called me-" His groin twitches painfully, Shouyou _-chan._ His head can't quite match the tone that Kenma had used, but Kenma reminds him easily, "Shouyou-chan?" He nods, feeling his cheeks burning. "Shouyou-chan." He swallows, and Kenma's heart picks up under him. "Dirty, dirty, Shouyou-chan." _That_ voice is back and he's grinding into the mattress between Kenma's legs. "P-please stop." He whines, feeling mortified by how his name can affect him as much as it does. "Is Shouyou-chan embarrassed?" He nods despite himself, his breath coming out harshly into Kenma's stomach, he can feel it rising and falling quickly under his head.

They spend a long time kissing, Kenma's long fingers exploring his body. He wants to return the gesture, know all of Kenma's body but his hands are frozen and heavy at his sides. Kenma's tongue pushes into his mouth after the older boy climbs on top of him, he pushes back, wonders where Kenma learned all of this. Feels his brain boil as he pictures Kenma with someone besides him. "I love you." He moans when Kenma's tongue is removed from where it was twisting against his. "I love you, Shouyou-chan." He squirms but nods, "Breakfast?" Kenma offers, but he doesn't think he can face Kenma's parents without the words _I licked cum of your son's shirt_ popping up on his face. "Uh-uH-Sure?" Kenma nods from above him, it's a shame you can't stay like this, _this_ being naked under the older boy. He whines, wanting to offer to stay like this forever. "But you're just as cute in clothes, so get dressed." There's a smile being formed with Kenma's dark lips, he's nodding, his face heating up for a different reason than usual.

He pulls on one of Kenma's hoodies, there's a large supply of them and they all hang over his form comfortably, he eases his way down the stairs. His feet move on their own, but Kenma is holding onto his arm just in case. He's rewarding with a warm hug when he makes it down the stairs on his own, can almost walk to the breakfast bar before he's sweating and his legs are tingling. "You'll be on the court soon." It's a promise, but it sounds sad. He's not sure why. "It's all because of you." Kenma snorts, "I got you kicked out your house and then practically broke your legs." He blinks, Kenma flinches from his own words.

"Do you- Do you really think that?" He's quiet, but he's so, so angry. Kenma sighs, doesn't answer, doesn't look at him. "You're such a fucking idiot." He hisses, making the taller boy stare at him in shock. "None of this is your fault, I take the pills, I have the fucked up brain, I left. You- You only helped me. You didn't have to help me. I-" _Don't deserve it. Don't deserve anything._ He sighs, his fists clenching. "Idiot." He hisses, he's not sure to whom the insult was directed.

"I told you before, I'd be strong for you. Thank you for letting me take care of you." He's laughing, but tears are making his eyes burn, he wipes his leaking nose against Kenma's chest. "You don't have to- Why are you?" He's curious, angry and sad, but curious more than anything. "Shouyou-chan." He's softly whispered, like Kenma is choked up, and it's the only answer he really needs. _I love you._

It's two days before he can walk, another three days before he can do it on his own, Kenma is always right behind him, ready to catch him if he falls. He finds it cute, and very annoying, he's not sure how to tell Kenma. "Please stop worrying." He mutters as he walks down the street, they're getting squid because he's on a mission to walk, Kenma makes a noise, he can't name that one either. "Sorry, _Shouyou-chan,_ I'm just a chronic worrier." He can hear amusement in Kenma's words when he has to sit down, breathing hard.

He's sweaty when they get to the squid shop, they get the same waiter who smiles at him, probably not even seeing how worn out he is, but Kenma does. "I told you not to overwork yourself." _It's weird,_ he doesn't like making Kenma worry because his face starts to look weird, while it's still not entirely unpleasant to look at, he prefers half smirking Kenma who teases his legs into trembling. "I'm not- I just- I have people to beat." Kenma nods, his rivals are his inspiration, Kenma's on that list. There's understanding in the lines of Kenma's tightened chin, but there's something else, always something else when it comes to his arms and legs. He doesn't like the feeling, like he'll never play -beat- Kuroo in time for school.

They arrive home, he stops in the doorway because he thinks of this place as home, because Kenma is here. The squid squirms in his stomach, he can almost hear Natsu asking about him, but those thoughts are pushed away because he can't focus on walking and his baby sister at the same time. He doesn't dwell long, Haruo practically tackles him when he spots him walking, he's pretty sure it's just for the stuffed squid in his hands, but Haruo lifts him from the ground and squeezes him until his back pops. "You're walking! I'm so proud of you!"

He flinches at the words, he doesn't think he's heard him from anyone that much older than him in his entire life, he wants more of it, even if it makes his stomach cramp in ways he cannot explain. "Ari-Thank you very much." He sounds different, like he just medicated, but that was hours ago and he's fully lucid now. Kenma gives him a weird look,but he's distracted with the bright man who's praising him. "Ah! Shouyou-chan, thank you so much for the squid!" His head jerks with the honorific and he stares at Haruo for a long time, can feel the blood draining from his face as quickly as it's rushing into his cheeks. "Right!" He's forcing a smile now, very, very unsure of how he should be feeling.

 _Haruo called me that first, why did Kenma saying it make me-_ He swallows down blood as it rushes into his ears, "Ready for round two, Shouyou-chan?" His spine tightens at his name but for a different reason than he'd prefer. He looks at Kenma, who's staring at him intently, and then the blond boy is nodding. They play casually, except Haruo who is muttering game math into his ear, he doesn't really understand it, but he appreciates being surrounded in warmth from both Kozume boys. He stretches his legs after each round, massaging strength into them as best he can. He stands up when the door opens, walks on his own to stop Kenma's mother halfway through the walkway.

She's smiling and he's pretty sure her eyes are watering, but her face is buried in his hair, his hair that smells like Kenma's shampoo, and she's holding him for no reason other than she's _proud_ of him. He soaks in the feeling, knows it's wrong to take praise, for traditional reasons and because he can't steal Kenma's parents, even for a moment. His cheeks heat up when she coos in his ear, _I knew you could do it._ There's no Shouyou _-chan_ and his back does not tingle. "Thank you for letting me stay here." He whispers into her too tall shoulder and she makes a strained noise, he feels bad for getting another one of her shirts wet, but he can feel her tears soaking into Kenma's hoodie, so it's a fair trade.

"Sorry." He mumbles, when their moment dies down and they're both left with dry eyes and wet shirts. She laughs, he's not sure how to handle it, handle someone who smiles and cries at the same time. "Did you boys eat?" She looks at all of them, including her husband who's giving her the biggest smile Hinata has ever seen in his entire life, the moment is ruined when Haruo starts singing. "The beautiful Aki-chan!" He feels his energy plummet when it starts, can feel Kenma sigh from across the room, "There's stuffed squid for you on the counter." Kenma says quickly, then leads him upstairs.

"Does he always sing when she gets home?" He asks when they're entering Kenma's bathroom, the older boy shrugs while applying toothpaste, he can do his own now and feels great being able to look into the mirror, even if he doesn't like what he sees. The bruises are still there, one or two extra from Kenma's assault this morning, but they've faded to almost yellow, and he's too scared to look at his hip while he brushes his teeth. Kenma's almost asleep when he speaks up next, "Hey Kenma?" Then there's a hum like the older boy had been waiting for something.

"Can I ask you something?" He tries to keep his tone casual, but from the way Kenma stiffens against him, he can tell he's failed. "Always, Shouyou." He nods, "What're daddy issues?" Kenma's quiet for a long time, he's not asleep because he can hear Kenma typing. "When a girl-" His throat clears and he sits up, he follows. "When a girl has a fucked up relationship because of an absent father- A girl wanting to be submissive and adored by an older male. When a girl has a bad relationship with her father and she- sluts around for male attention." His heart freezes, and stops in his chest for a long time.

"Am I- Do you think-?" He's not sure what he's asking, what he should be asking, "Only girls get that?" _He_ knows he's not a girl, but that doesn't mean other people don't, the older boy shrugs, "Only says girl on this website." He laughs, "You looked up my _problem_ on the internet?" He's interested in what else the internet might say about him, but Kenma is really touchy about his phone. "Would you like to hear five signs that you have daddy issues?" He's keeping his tone light, but Kenma's chin is bundled up again and he just sighs, then nods.

"She's excessively slutty or harbors twisted sexual kinks." His heart stutters when Kenma says that word, it seems too dirty for the older boy, even if he thinks _sexual kinks_ is appropriate somehow. "What's a kink?" There's more typing, "Unconventional sexual practices or fantasies." The older boy reads off, he's never really had _sexual fantasies_ before, can't really tell how to identify an unconventional one. "She engages in some form of self-mutilation." He blinks, "What does that even mean?" He feels stupid for asking so many questions, but Kenma is offering answers and he cannot deny that he wants them. "Tattoos, cutting hair off, cutting themselves." He trails off, "What's the difference?" Kenma hums beside him, then is quiet, "You cut your skin instead of your hair."

"Like, your hands and stuff?" There's a nod from above him, "That's weird- why do they do that?" Kenma makes another noise, "To feel pain- I dunno." Neither does he, and that's okay. "She's delusional in her over-confidence." He almost ask who _she_ is, but remembers the topic they're on. "So being happy is a daddy issue? That seems like the opposite to me." Kenma snorts from above him, "I think that's for girls with too much daddy." Kenma's fingers rub into his hair, he makes a weird purring noise that they'll never speak of in the daylight.

"She's intimidated by confident, self-assured men." Now he snorts, "Isn't confident and self-assured the same thing." Kenma shrugs under him, "I think so." There's a question lingering in his head, takes a moment to find it before Kenma reads the last sign, "Is Grand King a self-assured man?" He whispers it out, like it's dirty, like he's dirty. He can feel the older boy's stomach stop moving under him. "I think so." He nods, "I don't think I'm intimidated by him." Kenma nods, "I bet you could fight him." He giggles into Kenma's stomach and waits for the older boy to speak again.

"Has body issues or issues around food." He freezes at that one, _of course I have body issues, I'm short._ "Stupid list." He mutters, trying not to think about the meals he's skipped for past few years. "Stupid list." Kenma chimes in, sounding much more confident about it than he ever could. "Do you think I have it?" Kenma's quiet, "Them." He makes a noise in askance, "Daddy issues is plural." He scoffs, "Do you think I have _them_ then?" Kenma's body shrugs under his, his fingers massage his scalp in a now dark room. "I think you're working through stuff, like every teenage boy." He's nodding, believes it because Kenma says it. "When did you get so smart, Kenma?" The older boy laughs from under him. "Since I've had the internet in my hand, so at least a few years." He laughs into Kenma's shirt, feeling lighter.

The next day he runs, can actually feel most of his legs as his body starts to adjust a constant flow of medication, "It's about time." He mutters to his thighs while he waits for Kenma to catch up, the older boy doesn't look pleased at excessive physical activity, but a promise is a promise. They slide into Nekoma's gym just to pay off Kenma's promise, "Only five, Shouyou." He's nodding, but he's pretty sure if he begs he can get at least one more. The first ball is too slow for first tempo, he's actually surprised he made it to the net by the time the ball was ready to be spiked. His jump is shorter than usual, but after spending two weeks doing anything but, he forgives his legs. _Come on, don't fail me now._ He encourages his limbs as he tosses the ball to Kenma. He's just faster this time, can see over the net and decides where to slam the ball. It's not as accurate as he thought it would be, but he'll get there, even if he has to promise Kenma his kidney for one more toss.

The third is smoother for both of them, Kenma's knees bend easier and his spike lands right where he wants it. The fourth ball misses, Kenma makes a soft grunting noise, but tallies it up anyway. _Jerk._ He throws the fifth ball, runs up, his legs feel more like his own under him now, spots the ball and leaps. The ball _whams!_ and he's satisfied, he's pretty sure he jumped higher than he's ever done in his life, he could see more court than net and it was amazing. Kenma's staring at him, it takes a long moment to notice, "That was awesome, Shouyou." Kenma sounds stunned, which is unusual, and he looks at the blond boy. "One more?" He offers, giving the taller boy a smile that he simply cannot refuse. Kenma sighs when he realizes he's been pinned, and tosses Shouyou another ball. He leaps, it's a cross spike and makes a nice noise as it slams into the ground.

He doesn't push his luck for a seventh toss and Kenma's shoulders slacken, "There is a god." He can heard the older boy mutter as they start taking down the net. He scoffs, "Don't you go to church every Sunday?" One of Kenma's eyebrows rises on his face, "-And?" The older boy prompts. "You just- You know- The- and the- _Gwaaah!"_ He has no idea what he's even trying to say now, and his hands are just waving on their own. Kenma just smiles down at him, "There, there, Shouyou-chan." He murmurs, and he stops babbling.

He cleans the rest of the gym quietly, avoiding eye contact with Kenma because the older boy doesn't need to see the effect he has. Then he realizes he's been cleaning alone this whole time, "Hey!" He calls out to the blond boy sitting on a bench. "You tricked me!" He shouts, and Kenma shrugs as they make they're way towards the gym doors.

 


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Chapter Twenty**

He's excited for the game against Kuroo, really, really excited. For no reason other than he'll be playing volleyball, the possibility of having Kenma on his side of the court only heightens his enthusiasm. "Shouyou, you're shaking." Of course he's shaking, why wouldn't he be, _The game is tomorrow and you're not helping me train!_ He strains his legs until they stop vibrating against Kenma's, "Sorry." He adds as an afterthought, settling back into the nook between Kenma's chin and shoulder.

"It's fine." Kenma's distracted, more than usual, by the game in his hand. He's not sure what the older boy is playing, too scared to look at Kenma's screen without the anticipation of blood and guys flying from the handheld. He's playing _Animal Crossing,_ like he does every morning, it's kind of relaxing, even if it shouldn't be. _Nobody should have this much power over animals._ He thinks it, but Kenma's laughing under him so he must have thought it aloud. _Stupid pills._ He mutters, making sure his lips don't move with his thoughts.

He meets another cat in his town, he's green and his name is Asekusa, he thought that Asekusa was ugly at first, but once they started talking he noticed that Asekusa goes _"Gwaaah!"_ and he was determined to keep the sickly looking cat in his town forever. Kenma snorted over his shoulder as he pushed Kageyama-cat and Asekusa to stand next to each other. They both yell at him for pushing them and then they start yelling at each other and he's left very confused with a couple of virtual cats that resemble Kageyama and him a little too closely.

They get out of bed when Kenma notices that he's shut his game, brushing their teeth in the same sink and gurgling mouthwash at the same time. It's nice, comfortable. He walks on his instep because Kenma tells him it works the calve muscles, he doesn't know otherwise, but he's pretty sure Kenma was messing with him. But it's also nice, he's always eye level with the older boy like this, perfect for planting kisses on the older boy's face when he's thinking too hard about too little.

He doesn't remember breakfast, but Kenma tells him that he has rice on his face, so they must have eaten at some point between getting up from bed and returning to it. "Can you clean it off?" He asks, knowing that he'd want to do it for the older boy if the situations were reversed. He flinches away when Kenma's fingers slide into his vision, he gets an eyebrow raise at that. He scoffs, "With a kiss, dummy-Kenma." He whines, offering his dirty cheek to the other boy.

He can hear Kenma sigh, but doesn't dwell on it when he feels the older boy's lips against his face. He squirms when Kenma's tongue darts out to clean his cheek, the older boy pulls back too soon and he smiles up at Kenma. "All clean?" Kenma hums in thought, those cat-like eyes scan over his face and he's startled when they darken suddenly. He wonders what it means for a small eternity until Kenma swoops in again, pressing at his lips with a tongue that tastes like eggs and rice.

He tries to keep remain silent as Kenma's tongue pushes into his mouth, the uncomfortable squelching noise their tongues make fills the room as much as it fills his boxers. Hinata whines when hands settle on his hips, since the week that they had done _that,_ he's realized a few things: Kenma has a lot of patience, and Kenma has too much internet time. He's terrified of both of those things, the things that Kenma does to him every time they're alone.

 _How can scared be good?_ He wonders each time Kenma looks at him like he is right now, like he might eat him. He swallows, stutters out the older boy's name but Kenma isn't listening for anything but his cries for more. He's staring down into endlessly blond hair as his hips are bitten into, he wonders if biting until you're bruised is considered _unconventional sexual practice._ Wonders when he starting calling their relationship sexual, nothing about him is sexually attractive, unlike Kenma, who's filled out and warm with spanning limbs and burning arousal.

He feels fuzzy when he thinks about how he makes Kenma aroused, like he's taken another pair of pills that sends his head spinning and leaves him gasping. He's not allowed to touch Kenma's hair while he's exposed like this, he's not sure why but Kenma's darkened eyes prevent him from asking. It's equally disgusting and beautiful when Kenma's mouth sucks him in, feels his spine tingling until his thighs are threatening to clamp down on Kenma's head. He tries not to think about the fluids that have come out of him and focuses on the kind that the older boy is sucking out of him.

He groans loudly when Kenma's tongue flicks around his tip, teasing him, looks down and into those golden eyes that stare at him taunting as they are challenging. "Kenma!" He whines, his fists balling up as he restrains himself from reaching out to the older boy. "P-please-" He pants out, keening as Kenma's tongue laps at him again. "Please what, Shouyou-chan?" The older boy asks, sounding too casual when he's doing _that._ He swallows, the veins in his neck straining with his spine, pushing himself out for _more._

"I-I-" He can't finish what he's saying, heat tugging at his ears and cheeks. _So embarrassing,_ he realizes, watching his legs squirm around Kenma's shoulders. "Kenma-" He gasps out, because Kenma knows what he wants -what he needs- and knows how to give it to him. _So why doesn't he?_ "Kenma!" He whines out when the older boy does nothing but stare at him. "I-I need you to-" His mouth clamps closed, teeth tugging at already swollen lips.

"Tell me what you need, Shouyou-chan." Kenma's voice is in _that_ tone, low, almost a growl, makes his toes clench for reasons he can't name. The tongue laps, not _there,_ but lower, and lower, into less sensitive areas but he's moaning because it's still new to the feeling, and each touch is a spark from Kenma. "I need you- I need-" He's interrupted by Kenma's mouth, sucking on his balls, he didn't know _those_ could feel that good. But, " _God-"_ He sobs out, scratching at his own arms because he can't think of anything else to do with them. The dull pain contrasts too well with the _pleasure_ that Kenma's giving to his balls.

"Do you want to finish, Shouyou-chan?" Kenma taunts, his tongue pulls away, but his harsh breaths make his dick tingle. "Yes!" He calls out, back arching until he's about to lose balance. "-Please let me!" He calls out, feeling less embarrassed when Kenma says the worst part for him. "Is Shouyou a good boy?" Is whispered right onto his dick before Kenma swallows it whole, it curves and twitches, pressing into the damp, fleshy heat that is Kenma's mouth.

Kenma's long, long fingers push him back into the mattress, he's begging but they're not words, Kenma's head shifts, _rotates,_ makes the most revolting and amazing noises he's ever heard in his entire life. "Do it, Shouyou-chan." Kenma commands quickly, then just as quickly taking him back in, his exposed tip dragging against the roof of Kenma's mouth. His entire is throbbing by the time that Kenma takes him all the way in, "Ahh-Kenma!" He gasps out, thighs crushing Kenma's shoulders as he _pulses_ inside of the older boy. It's too much, the smooth heat that pulls him in, slick toughness that rolls around each nerve of his dick until he's screaming.

Kenma pulls off when he's collapsed, he's tired but all of his nerves are fried and random spasms course through his body. He opens his eyes after a long moment, "D-do you want me to-" His eyes glance down to the throbbing redness that dangles heavily between Kenma's thighs. The older boy shakes his head, blond hair flopping into his eyes, "I just want to look at you." He says quietly, Hinata is nodding, making a mental note to get Kenma some water, and maybe a mint, after they're done.

The older boy's back straightens slowly, until he's being towered over, Kenma's hands are quivering as he puts life into them, lifting to the arousal between his legs instead of hanging limply at his sides. "Shouyou-chan-" The older boy gasps out, staring down at him with dark, dark eyes. He feels Kenma's eyes take in all of his exposed body, feels a flush spreading across sweaty skin. He watches, rapt, as Kenma starts moving, tugging at his length with force. Hinata watches him, watches someone pleasure their body while looming over him. He looks at Kenma's body, imagines the strong muscles and sharp curves under his pajamas and squirms under him.

"Shouyou-" Kenma gasps out suddenly, the only sound before his loud pants, growing louder and faster with the speed at which the older boy strokes himself. "I'm gonna-" Watches Kenma's throat convulse and eyes close for the first time. "Finish for me, Kenma." He let's out, shocked at his forwardness and that his voice is steady. Kenma _growls_ from above him, then lurches forward, their heads almost collide but Kenma lands on his hand before it happens. Kenma pants in his face, can taste his previous release in the air, would feel more embarrassed at that if Kenma wasn't touching himself right on top of him.

"-Fuck!" The older boy hisses, entire body shaking the bed under them, watches Kenma's hand stroke furiously through a curtain of blond hairs. He releases violently, ribbons, bright as Kenma's teeth, shoot from his pulsing member, land onto him. The trails burn into his stomach, he squirms, wanting clean it off but his nails are stuck into his arms. "Shouyou-" Kenma's panting is loud against his face, but slows quickly as the heat on his stomach cools. "You finished on me." His voice is questioning, but that's because he's curious.

"Sorry, I'll-" The other boy doesn't finish and he's about ask when a tongue laps at his stomach. Kenma's tongue is slimy against his stomach, warm and rough that sends sparks shooting into his spent member. "Ready to shower?" Kenma asks once his stomach isn't going to drip with the slightest movement. He swallows, nods, and Kenma is tugging at his hand until they're in the bathroom. "You're bleeding." He glances down, tilts his legs to see if an old scar broke open, then there's hands grasping at his arms.

There's dark half circles that arch across his biceps, small dots of blood dotting the corner of each one. He nods, they'd heal on their own, but Kenma is still holding him. "Don't hurt yourself." He's about to retort, _I didn't mean to_ on his tongue, but he just nods under Kenma's stare. "Sorry." He mumbles, pressing himself into Kenma's now bare chest. "Can you set to me today?" He asks once they're under the spray, standing now that his legs are working. Kenma sighs into his hair, "I guess." He giggles, turns around to hug the older boy and get him excited.

Kenma's response is to pour shampoo into his hair and ignore his questions about volleyball. "Will you be on my team?" He asks once Kenma is drying his hair for him, the older boy hums softly, "I'll ask Kuroo." He's nodding, already ready to convince the Nekoma captain that a _good_ captain wouldn't separate friends like that. He dresses in his gym clothes, balancing on his instep as he digs through his bag, _not_ looking at the only picture he has of his baby sister, as he searches for his knee pads. They're at the bottom, and he's glad he had his priorities when he was packing. _Volleyball first._ He swallows.

"I have to leave soon." _Three days until school starts._ Time to find beat Kuroo, time to go back to Miyagi, time to look for a place to stay. Kenma's quiet for a long time, having dressed rather quickly for someone who didn't want to come, he realizes smugly. Kenma's lip, which had already been sucked and chewed until it was red, was tucked between Kenma's teeth, looking like he was going to offer _again,_ that he come to school in Tokyo. He gave Kenma a new answer each time. _Accent. Blinding teeth are distracting. Volleyball team looks at him funny._ He's comforting the older boy with stupid comments and Kenma just smirks at him each time, the subject dropped but not forgotten.

"I'll call you when I'm settled- wherever." He doesn't want to stay with Suga-san, or Daichi, who offered twice when he'd been told about what happened, then offered to talk to his mother. He rejected the bed offers, telling his captain he doesn't want to smell like crops when he goes to school, ignored the last one. Suga-san texted him every few hours, and he was _this_ close to ripping his phone in half. He had Kenma, but he supposed that Kuroo hadn't told Daichi that, so he couldn't stay mad at his senpai, even if he wanted to be.

Kageyama messaged him, asking if he knew how to stop a ball in not so many words, he had absolutely no idea, didn't respond. Grand King hadn't messaged him at all since last week when he told him that he'd been kicked out, he hopes the older boy isn't up to something. He sighs, because that is most likely the case, even if he as no idea what.

Kenma opens the gym doors, shoving his _school I.D._ into his pocket, another reason he could never come to Nekoma, but that's forgotten when the smell of gym hits his nose. "Let's go, Kenma!" He whoops, rushing over to a cart of balls on the edge of the court. The older boy mumbles something he doesn't hear, then sets his phone down on a bench by the door, soft music bursting out of it. He never considered Kenma the workout with music kind of guy, but he's discovered a lot about Kenma since living with him, and he cherishes each new fact closely.

"You want to get first tempo, right?" Kenma asks, almost disdainfully once he's settled in front of the net. He nods, offering the older boy a bright smile, it seems that Kenma catalogs facts about him as well. "Woo!" He chirps after spiking Kenma's first toss, not quite in first because even when he's on Kenma's side the boy is still unpredictable and hard to read. _Nothing less of my rival, of course._ Kenma gives him a calculating look after he lands on the ground each time, like he's never seen a spike before. He offers the older boy smiles each time those eyes happen to land on his face.

 _Landings need work,_ he noticed it almost right away, the way his knees require more coercing to straighten out after floating back down. He's pretty sure it's just from the medication and the long weeks of not moving, Kenma doesn't seem worried, so there's no reason for him to be, but he can't help but think of Grand King's injury after each jump. _He's fine._ It's true, he's never seen Grand King so much as limp.

It takes longer for him to break into a sweat this time, his energy coming back to him quickly once his brain realizes the court is where he's meant to be, Kenma's on the other hand- _Maybe one more._ He's usually the last one out of the gym, but since it's just the two of them, he can end early, just this once. "Last one!" He promises as he tosses the ball, Kenma's head nods, beads of sweat falling onto the floor, he watches the last of Kenma's energy go into the last set and he spikes it with purpose.

It's not a ball breaking _Wham!_ or a _WHAM!_ that echoes throughout the gym like Asahi's spike, but the sound of the ball hitting the opposite court is pleasant to his ears in a different way. _Kenma and me working together._ He memorizes the sound, the feel of the gym, the smell of Kenma's sweat as he hugs the taller boy, and finally the taste of his lips. They're soft and give easily, _he's really worn out,_ he muses, feeling guilty for not stopping sooner. "You should sit down, I'll clean up!" He offers, even though he _knows_ that Kenma was going to ditch him anyway.

Kenma blinks, then his lips tug up, "If you insist, Shouyou-chan." His face is hotter than it was just a moment ago, "R-right!" He hollers, before he starts gathering stray balls. Kenma is humming when he finds a broom, quietly sweeping up so he can listen to the older boy's almost-singing, it's husky, because that's just how Kenma's voice is, but light, like he's in a good mood despite being forced into _unnecessary_ exercise. He slides the broom over the half court they used, sweat and stray hairs picked up easily, then broom is put back where he found it and he's left with just Kenma.

 _Just Kenma._ He thinks, _like Kenma could ever just be something._ He feels happy and stupid, _I'm not a poet,_ he has to remind himself, because people cannot be poems. _-But if they could._ Kenma would be the best poem. He tugs at his sweaty bangs, he likes the black, for more reason than just like looking like The Little Giant, but because Kenma helped him do this. _Even if Kuroo's crazy mother had been there._ He checks his scalp for scars for a second then moves to stand in front of Kenma.

Kenma looks better with bright hair than he does, Kenma will always look better than him, no matter what, because Kenma is perfect. He gives the older boy a kiss on his head, startling him from his distracted humming. "Did I scare you, Kenma?" He asks ever so innocently, but Kenma just glares at him until it dissolves into warm eyes and an almost smile. "That was fast, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised by that." There's awe like his speed is something worth praise, he can't help the flush that melts his cheeks into a bright smile.

"I'm okay, I guess; but you're awesome like, _pwaah!"_ He imitates Kenma's setting for him, mimicking the form and look of concentration as best he can. Kenma's not smiling though, maybe _Gwaah_ would have been better, he ponders. "You're awesome too, Shouyou." It's said quietly, seriously, because Kenma is serious. He's never heard awesome said with that kind of tone, but now that he has, it seems like a Kenma thing to do. He smiles, "I'm gonna beat you one day, Kenma- _senpai,_ that I swear!" And that smirk is back, he can laugh easily now.

"It won't be easy; especially during the Spring Tournament. If we play against each other, it's _game over_ for the loser." He nods, feeling hyped even though that's not for _months._ "Then I'll make sure to beat you only a little." He replies, walking close to Kenma as they exit the gym doors. Kenma pauses and doesn't move, "Don't." He blinks, "Don't go easy on me-us, play to win." There's a fire in Kenma's eyes, the same one that made him decide to be rivals with the taller boy. He's stunned quiet, and nods dutifully.

"You better play to win too, Kenma!" He shouts when they're walking again, "I always play to win." A promise. He extends his fist, and Kenma bumps it easily. "Bring it on, Shouyou-chan." Kenma whispers into his brain, and it's so, so warm again. He swallows, tucks his chin into his chest because he's not blushing, doesn't even know what that words means. The walk home is relaxed, the sweat drying on his skin is comfortable in a way he never thought it would be. He'll need another shower, and he's _pretty_ sure Kenma wouldn't mind sharing.

He's shaking but tired, which is a weird combination to wake up with, _Beat Kuroo Day,_ he remembers instead of the actual date. _Two days with Kenma._ He also remembers and his face falls just a bit, he'd make the most with his time with Kenma. The older boy is sleeping peacefully next to him, his blond hair is messy and everywhere, obscuring the majority of his face. He wonders what Kenma would look like with short hair, but Kenma has a lot of face and needs a lot of hair. He can't quite picture Kenma with his natural hair color either, _I need a better imagination,_ he decides and plays with a clump of hair that sticks up from Kenma's pillow.

He reaches past Kenma's shoulder, grabs his medication and water that Kenma always has for him, _I'll have to do that on my own soon._ He grumbles quietly as he swallows the pills and water together, his stomach sloshes slightly as he drains the cup. He's glad he woke up early today, he can be lucid faster, not think his every thought out loud and try to do strange things for long hours. He's practically out of it by the time Kenma wakes up, Kenma offers him the orange bottle and he almost takes another set, "I already had them." He slurs out, then a comment on Kenma's chin hair, then another on Kenma's elbow.

Kenma hands him a _thing_ sometime later, after he's went to the bathroom, he almost spikes it against the wall before he realizes what it is. "I think Bob hates me." He mumbles, feeling upset over a virtual cat, because who wouldn't be. Kenma hums quietly, tugging at his head until he can feel Kenma's stomach under his ear. He turns the game on then, proceeding to find out that Hanna, a sassy red dog who plants mix-matched flowers, is moving out. He cries. Kenma's taking his picture, he almost spikes that too.

"Why does she have to go?" He wails quietly, choking on tears as Kenma just stares at him. "She's on to better things?" He whines, _Not helpful._ "What could be better than my town?" He asks, grumpy that Kenma was taking her side instead of his, "Didn't you name your town Tokyo?" He nods, "The guy asked me where I was going, so I told him. He answers, "I don't think he's ever been to Tokyo." He adds as an afterthought. Kenma laughs in agreement, "What makes you think that, Shouyou?" He nods into Kenma's stomach, "He didn't talk about the teeth." _Too white. Too, too, too white._ Kenma snorts, "They're not that white." He comments, he scowls, _The blindness has already set in._

He gives Kenma's tummy a kiss, because his face is really, really far away. The older boy squirms so he does it again. "We have a game to win." He mumbles, but his eyes are closing. Kenma wakes him up sometime later, with more kisses, on his face instead of stomach, which is grumbling for nourishment. "I'm up and down." He grumbles, pawing at the older boy for food, but Kenma remains silent, "You mean _Hungry?"_ He frowns, he's been speaking Japanese his entire life, and he's pretty sure he knows the word for hungry. He just groans instead, because it's much easier.

Hinata almost asks Kenma to brush his teeth for him, but he manages on his own, only barely. He does get the older boy to half carry him down the stairs, which is a burden off of his shoulders. "We can cancel if you're feeling- unwell." Kenma offers, but he just shakes his head. "I'll be fine. I've gone through worse." He says lightly, even though he's not sure what could be worse than being this _out of it_ so early in the morning. "Kenma!" He sings into his chopsticks, and he can hear the older boy sigh before responding, "Yes, Shouyou?" He asks evenly, but Hinata can hear the amusement in the older boy's voice.

"You know, I don't say this enough but-" He coughs, as he stabs himself in the neck with his chopsticks accidentally, _stupid things,_ "But I really like your rice cooker. She sings nice." He points in the general direction of the device, Kenma snorts into some rice, _ungrateful brat._ He giggles to himself, "Thank you very much, Rice Cooker-sama." He calls to the device, that doesn't answer back. _Ungrateful jerk._ He sighs, and continues eating until Kenma tells him that he's had four bowls of rice and should probably stop.

"You're so right, Kenma-senpai, you're always right!" He chirps, cheerful that his friend is so smart and awesome, "Senpai?" Someone calls from the doorway, _Aki-Aki-Subaki._ He giggles, "Good morning, Kozume-san!" He offers, bowing deeply even though he's sitting and he almost topples out of the chair. _Ungrateful chair._ She doesn't respond, but she does get closer. "Are you feeling alright, Hinata-kun?" She asks, standing in front of him. "Probably." He offers with a shrug and a smile, "Just the uh-" He draws out for a long time, then switches to, " _Gwaaah-"_

"Pills." Kenma supplies after a long time of thinking, _Aki-Aki-Subaki_ nods, "Ah yes, I'm sure you'll be fine by this afternoon, just don't- Strain yourself." He nods, body shaking with his head. "I promise!" He offers his fist and she just stares for a very long time, _ungrateful bro._ Then smiles, but doesn't bump in return. "Senpai?" _Aki-Aki-Subaki_ asks once she's around the corner, but he doesn't respond because she's gone missing.

Kenma doesn't take him back up the stairs, _Thank You, you wonderful, wonderful person,_ and settles him on the sofa instead, watching weather reports and little else. "It's going to rain tomorrow." _I leave tomorrow._ Kenma nods as if he can hear his thoughts, but Kenma seems like the kind of guy that can do stuff like that, so just just cuddles into the other man's thighs and passes out again.

The world is much less confusing when he wakes up, he's on the sofa with Kenma, the older boy is looking down at him when his eyes open. "Good morning!" He chirps, surprised when his voice is groggy. "It's almost noon." Kenma informs him, "Is almost noon still morning?" He asks, semi-genuinely. Kenma snorts, _mission success._ "When do we beat your captain?" He asks, nuzzling further into Kenma's lap because his legs are very, very warm. The older boy's muscles twitch as he digs his chin into them, "At one." He nods, _an hour then._ He could appreciate an hour of cuddling against Kenma's legs, a whole day if he was allowed.

"We should probably shower." He groans in response, "We're just gonna get sweaty again." Kenma shrugs, agreeing with his very sound logic. "Guess I'll just have to wait to see you naked." It's a whisper, that functions as a promise. He's on the stairs before Kenma can blink, "Faster, Kenma!" He commands, and the older boy just smirks before following up the stairs as slowly as humanly possible.

He helps Kenma out of his pajamas, because he's a helpful guy, and then let's Kenma turn on the shower because Tokyo showers are as close to rocket science as a bathroom can get. Warm water is cascading onto them now, which makes him almost slip as he lunges forward to capture the older boy. Kenma smirks into their kiss and he has intentions to kiss Kenma's lips until he forgets how to do that. He rejects Kenma's offer to _assist_ him with anything more than shampooing, because they have a game to play in an hour. Kenma insists that he'd get distracted if he didn't keep his hormones in check. Who's he to deny that, Kenma is a pretty smart guy after all.

He rethinks that when his shorts start chafing, "You should really wear compression shorts." He has no idea what that means, he stares at Kenma as they walk towards Nekoma. "Keeps the muscles from straining, chafe proof too." He's pretty sure if Kenma was the winking type, he would have done so. "And where would I find such a useful item?" He asks, only slightly upset that it wasn't brought up _before_ he started to chafe. Kenma hums for a second, "Underwear section." He flushes, he's never purchased underwear before, _what if the cashier imagines me naked,_ always at the forefront of his mind when the subject comes up. He'd always had his- _Another thing to do on my own._ He sighs quietly.

"I don't- I've never-" He grunts, not sure how to word it without sounding like an idiot. "I've never uh-done _that_ kind of shopping." He admits with a nod, making sure not to look at the older boy, for the next few seconds anyway. "Embarrassed, Shouyou-chan?" The older boy teases, and he flushes because he is, for some stupid reason, more so when Kenma uses that tone. He looks further away, _stupid Kenma._

"I'll take you sometime, so you're not without." It's almost a tease, but also a promise, because Kenma is his friend, even if he is a jerk. "Thank you." He says quietly, dreading having to shop for fabric that covers his butt, but happy that Kenma wants to spend more time with him. They arrive at Nekoma High quietly, Kenma's thinking face is on and he doesn't want to break his concentration, even if he really, really wants to do that.

The entire Nekoma team is in the gym when the walk in, bursting with energy, it's a new sight and wonderful to take in, he's never seen other people in Nekoma's gym before. "Chibi-chan!" _Someone_ calls and then he's being _lifted._ He hisses and slaps at the annoying jerk called Kuroo, he's wiggled about like he's a beloved animal and he offers to fight the Nekoma captain twice before he's put on the ground. "Why'd you do that, Kuroo?" He pretty much shouts, drawing attention from the other Nekoma team members. Kuroo looks like he's about to answer, but the dark haired boy just _smirks,_ "You called me by my name! Oh chibi-chan, I never thought the day would come." He hisses again when he feels a too large hand approaching his hair.

"Oh! Who's this guy? He's so short- even shorter up close!" A man, _too tall,_ is next to Kuroo, smiling down at him. "Ehh? You wanna fight?!" He shouts reflexively, even though he's pretty sure it would take a ladder to reach the stupid guy's stupid grin and punch it right off his stupid face. The guy raises his _arm_ that's longer than maybe both of his combined, and tries to wave him down, "I-I didn't mean anything by it!" The guy squeaks, and he feels himself smiling. _That's right, fear me!_

"How tall are you anyway?" He mutters, his neck starting to cramp from looking up at this idiot. "Uh- About one hundred ninety-four, last time I checked." He doesn't want to know the last time he checked, especially when those eyes settle on him, "Chibi-chan this is-" He interrupts because there's something more important than the giant's name, "My name is Hinata Shouyou, and I'm going to be Karasuno's ace and go to nationals, so don't forget it!" It's mostly directed at Kuroo, because if he's called _that_ again, he might strangle someone, the only person's neck he could reach right now would be Kenma's and that would not be good.

"Haiba Lev." The giant says, offering him a disgustingly long arm. "Future ace of Nekoma!" He shouts, only to be hit in the stomach by _Tokyo-Tanaka,_ "You can't call yourself an ace if you can barely play the game, you idiot!" The man growls, twisting his fingers in the giant's-Lev's stomach.

 _What kind of name is that..._ "R-r-mm" _Stupid._ "Where are you from?" He asks instead of how to pronounce his stupid name, the giant recovers from his doubled over position, "Tokyo." He gasps out, and he blinks. _What kind of hellish people name someone that way. Tokyo isn't in Japan, it's official._ "How do you pronounce your stupid name?" He barks, irritated that this idiot broke Tokyo from Japan, the tall man winces at his tone, or maybe the hand pressed into his stomach, and repeats it slowly, "H-Haiba Lev."

"Rrr-Leurr-Lev." He doesn't like it, or the guy for that matter. "Why are you so tall, it's very rude." _Stupid idiot, probably stole all the milk in Tokyo._ The tall guy just laughs, it's light and stupid. "Sorry?" He offers, but he just scoffs, he doesn't need an apology from a giant.

"Well, Shouyou-chan, now that you've met this guy, it's time to get down to business." Kuroo claps his too big hands, and he almost grumbles about the honorific, but he's just glad it isn't _that_ name. "Ready to lose, Kuroo-chan?" He asks loudly, crouching down to pounce at the stupid, dark haired boy. The Nekoma captain just laughs, adjusting his stupid hair and shrugs, "It'll certainly be a surprise if someone as short as you can beat me." He wonders how many years in prison he'd get if he strangled someone. _A lot._ Kenma answers in his head. "Remember, Shouyou-chan, loser decides what to do with the loser." The dark hair boy taunts, he nods,  _I won't lose._

"I want Kenma!" He announces to Kuroo, who smirks down at him, nodding, "As a sign of good faith, I'm willing to let that happen." He says, as if he had any say in the matter. "Anyone else, _captain?"_ The dark haired boy asks, his chopper eyes boring into him. He looks across the mostly familiar faces of the Nekoma team, trying to figure out which one of them would have the most synergy with him or Kenma. "Oh- Pick me! _Pick Me! Sho-chan!"_ The stupid tall guy yells, raising his stupidly tall arm. _Who said you could use my given name, let alone shorten it. Stupid._ He sighs. "Fine, stupid Lev." He mutters the last part, still not sure how to say the other's name properly. "Just be ready to take down your captain, because he's a dumb-" Then there's a hand covering his mouth, _Kenma's,_ he realizes, recognizing those long, long fingers anywhere.

"Lev, go stretch." Kenma says shortly, watching as the guy shouts a confirmation then runs off, presumably to stretch his stupidly long arms. "How'd you say his name so good?" He has to ask once his mouth is free, Kenma shrugs, "He's been walking in on practice since he started here." He nods, "What kind of name is that anyway?" He whispers, almost conspiratorially. Kenma shrugs again, "Russian, I think? He's half-Russian, half-Japanese." He doesn't want to admit it but, "That's pretty cool." He mutters, wondering if he'd have a difficult name to pronounce if he was half-something. _Why would I want that._ Decides that being half-whatever would be very confusing.

 


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rape Warning.

**Chapter Twenty-One**

He stands in front of Nekoma's team, they're lined up with Kuroo staring at them intensely, deciding. "Yamamato! Inuoka!" The Nekoma captain shouts suddenly, making most of the line jump in shock. "Right!" They both shout, stepping forward, _Ace and Middle blocker,_ he recalls them distinctly, shoots Inuoka a glare when the other boy starts shouting, "Are you gonna beat Shouyou and Kenma-senpai?" Kuroo looks like he regrets his decision and Yamamato, _Tokyo-Tanaka,_ looks like regrets being picked.

"Don't call me that." Kenma says from beside him, as Inuoka, Kuroo, and Yamamato move to stand in front of them. "Good luck, _captain."_ Kuroo declares, offering him one of his too big hands. He shakes it, hates the way Kuroo's hand absorbs him, knuckles curling over the sides of his palm like he's trying to squeeze his hand off. "Good luck." He echoes, nodding to Yamamato and Inuoka. Kuroo's hand lingers on his, squeezing it almost painfully like he thinks that'll scare him off. He just smirks up at Kuroo, "Get ready to lose!" He announces, tugging his hand away from the rough grip.

Kuroo's large hand slides into his hair, ruffling up the messy black mass, and glowers down at him. "Ah, but I have no intentions of losing, Shouyou-chan." A smirk gleams down at him, almost glowing through the shadows of his tilted face. "Let's do this!" He calls out, clapping his tan hands together, making more of his teammates jump. "Woo!" Lev and Inuoka call out, rushing towards the net, exchanging hugs and smiles as they end up on different sides of the net.

"Ready, Kenma?" The older boy blinks slowly, then his eyes widen minutely as his name is called, then golden pupils are pointed at him. He nods, "Want to serve first, Shouyou-chan?" he asks, offering him the ball. He hesitates, he's learned from Grand King and Yamaguchi, but he's still a novice, _A rusty one at that._ He swallows, ready to decline, but Kenma pushes the ball into his hand. "You'll be fine, Shouyou-chan, I believe in you." He's not sure that believing can help his amateur serves, especially when Kenma calls his name like that.

"R-right!" He shouts, giving the ball in his hands a squeeze. _I can do this._ He stares at the ball for a long time, remembering the motions and specifics of each serve. He does a standard overhand, it's what he's most familiar even if it puts the ball right in Kuroo's hands. Yamamato and Inuoka both rush to the net before Kuroo pushes the ball, _first tempo,_ he recognizes and Inuoka starts screaming as he jumps. "Take this, Kenma!" He shouts as the ball falls into his spike path, it throttles forward, right into Kenma's open arms, "Shouyou!" the blond boy calls out, "Got it!"

Setting is also something he knows very little about, he rushes under the ball, _wait._ He jumps instead, curling his palm as he spikes the ball, it slides over the net, hits the ground in front of Kuroo's hand. "Wow! That was so amazing, Sho-chan! How did you do that?" Lev shouts, suddenly looming over him, "I thought I was gonna spike it, but then you went _hwaaah!"_ Kenma pats his shoulder, giving him a smile, which is the only compliment he needs. "Just something you learn when you're an awesome captain like me!" He giggles, even harder when Kuroo glares at him. "It's on, you little brat!" It's a challenge, but not menacing like he knows the dark haired boy could be.

His next to serve is going to be a jump serve, he's just not sure which yet. _Angle your hips back so your shoulder can hit faster._ Grand King's advice tingles against his brain as he remembers their training session, it had seemed much harder back then, impossible even; but when he's in the air now, viewing the court in slow motion, the ball slides into view as he soars. _Angle hips. Faster serve._ The ball whizzes past like he'd spiked it, slows as it collides with the edge of the net, but topples onto the ground as Yamamato dives for it. "Woo! Service ace! Sho-chan, teach me to serve!" Lev's excitement fuels his own, _I've never had anyone ask for help before._ He's not sure he likes the feeling, or the way that Lev's eyes shine when they land on him.

Inuoka intercepts his next serve with a scream, he pouts at that, downright scowls when Yamamato scores the next point by hitting the ball through Lev's hands. The tall boy groaned, cursing loudly, "Don't use the 'fuck' word, _Leev_." The taller boy pouted, tried to pet him but stopped in his tracks when Kenma spoke up. "Lev," The blond pronounces slowly, Hinata can feel his face heat up when Kenma looks at him, always seeing through him, "Keep your arms closer, and spread your fingers." The tall boy nods, looking like he might write those words in _Lev's Guide to Volleyball._ "Let's go!" The tall boy announces, raising his too long arms above his head.

He settles slightly behind the other two as Kuroo starts to serve, even with his previous immobility he's sure that he'd be faster than Lev in receiving. "Here it comes, Shouyou-chan!" The dark haired boy howls, as his too big hand comes into contact with the ball, he watches Kuroo's form as he serves, the ball hurtles towards their side of the court. _Left._ His feet throw him in that direction as he makes the connection, slaps his hand in front of him as the ball swoops down. "Nice one, Sho-chan!" Lev praises from in front of him, his knees bent like he was about to dive for it before he had.

"Lev!" Kenma shouts, drawing in the tall boy's attention as he tosses it. He watches Kenma's eyes as he gets back onto his feet, the honey color shifting into something darker as his fingers flick out, sending the ball flying. Lev dashes to the net, looking halfway graceful on his too long legs, "Woo!" He shouts, his arm whipping back to spike, only to meet nothing but air, then net. Hinata watches the ball sail past Lev's head, almost into someone's head. He hides a laugh in his hand, looking away from Lev's face, "What?" The tall boy exclaims, removing his limb from the net, "I missed!" He wails suddenly, hiding his face in apparent shame. "I've failed you, Sho-chan. I'll never make a good student."

Hinata wants to tell Lev that he would never accept him as a student, _too rude,_ that only people who's name he can pronounce can be his student, _even worse._ "Next time!" He promises at the same time Kenma apologizes, "I'm not used to tossing to someone as tall as you." The blond boy admits, and Lev rears back, pulling himself to his full height again. "I'm sorry I failed you, senpais, it'll never happen again. I'll hit your toss with perfection!" He likes Lev, even if he has a very hard name to pronounce, and that he's too tall. "Don't call me that." Kenma mutters, walking back to the middle of the court as their ball is delivered back to Kuroo.

He can feel the atmosphere shifting with Kuroo's next serve, gone are the nicknames and smirks, replaced with a stoic face and a fast jump serve. He barely manages to catch it, can't angle his hand enough to get the ball to Kenma, "Sorry!" He shouts, jumping to his feet, _this is my moment._ He has to spike, because Lev is redirecting the ball to Kenma.

Kenma nods at him, hair shifting left, he nods, sprints right. Watches as both Inuoka and Yamamato follow him with the intention of blocking, then ducks left, jumps into the air on the far side of the court, spikes the ball following the sideline. He whoops, _perfect straight, idiot Kageyama._ Then he's swallowed by shadows and bright eyes, "That was amazing! You jumped so high! Wow!" He blinks, surely Lev could reach his jump height with barely any effort, _couldn't he?_

He offers Lev a smile, trying to melt the tension that Kuroo's silence forces onto the court. "I won't miss next time, serve to me, Kenma!" The tall boy shouts, eyes no longer on him. Kenma stares at Lev like he's watching a wall, then shrugs. He was concerned when he first saw Lev, the grey hair and long limbs, that he was secretly an old man that wanted to murder Nekoma, but he can see now that he couldn't have been more wrong. Kenma moves back, ball in hand, and smacks the ball without any warning.

His head whips away from Lev, onto the enemy court as Kuroo intercepts Kenma's serve with a dive. Inuoka moves back, under the ball, _which means,_ his eyes flick onto Yamamato, who's been silent since the game started. _Unless._ He glances over to Kuroo, who's standing now, but not looking like he might run forward and spike. He confirms this when Yamamato starts screaming, _just like Tanaka-senpai,_ his hand colliding solidly with the ball. He watches the ball stutters to a stop for only a fraction of second before it's rocketing through Lev's open arms. He dives for it, feels his face collide with the ground, then the ball collide with his head. _Why. Why does this happen._ He really, really wants to scream, but he's sure he'll pop a blood vessel in his face and start bleeding if he does.

His feet land under him, his head only slightly fuzzy from the quick movement, "That all you got?" He taunts, earning a glare from Yamamato. Lev barks out a laugh, "Next time!" The tall boy calls out, _maybe he can be my student after all._ He smirks at his two teammates, but his eyes linger on Kenma's frown. "I'm fine." He assures the older boy once Lev is positioned in front of the net. Kenma nods, turns to face the net as well. Their teams trade points back and forth, all of them getting worked up with sweat and screams.

He's only slightly devastated when they lose the first set. Lev's fumbling fingers have the ball landing on their end of the court, the taller boy takes it harder than he does, he has to assure the taller boy that it would be fine, that they'd take back the set and an extra one. Lev perks up at that, leaving him wondering if the Russian blood makes the taller boy emotionally jumpy, not that he has any room to talk, he had cried over fictional cats a few hours ago. Not that Lev needs to know that, it was embarrassing enough that Kenma had taken his picture during his _episode._

Inuoka starts off the next set with an ear-numbing scream as he serves. _Too many years in prison._ He grumbles as he dives for the ball, almost colliding with Lev, who's stupid long legs allow him to close distances with ease. "Kenma!" He belts out, since both of their spikers are currently on the floor, the blond boy nods, slowly moving until he's under the ball's path. He's up before Lev can get his long legs under him, Kenma's head veers right, almost distracting Yamamato, but Inuoka and Kuroo are staring directly into his soul.

Not that it stops him, he launches up, as high as he can to smack the ball against Kuroo's fingertips, sending the ball spiraling off the court. Lev cheers him on, something like pride swells in his stomach each time, like a little bit of darkness is extracted with each point he scores. Kuroo smirks at him, dangerous and almost creepy. "Nice wipe, Shouyou-chan." The dark haired boy states, his dark arms crossed. "Wipe?" He asks, the word flowing awkwardly off of his tongue.

"It's when you force the ball out when you spike it." He blinks, Kuroo's smile widens, "That's what you meant to do, right?" It's half a question, but mostly Kuroo is teasing him. He just smiles back, "Of course I meant to do that!" He cries out, almost defensively. "Of course you did, Shouyou-chan, I'd wouldn't expect anything less of a fellow captain." Kuroo says, half serious before he breaks into one of his weird chuckles. He hasn't heard that many people in Tokyo laugh, but he's _pretty_ sure it's not supposed to sound like that.

"You won't beat me, Shouyou-chan." Kuroo's tone darkens instantly, contrasted when Inuoka corrects him with, "Beat _us_ , right, Kuroo-san?" But they both ignore him, very intent on glaring at each other until Lev serves the ball. Lev, he realizes sometime into the set, is terrible at serving, which is odd because he's surrounded by talented players all the time, and he's really tall, which Hinata thought would help with his jump serve, but Lev sent the ball darting past Kuroo's head, which is almost funny until it hits out of bounds. Lev apologizes, but is forgiven instantly because the look on Kuroo's face almost makes him pee his pants. "Lev, you bastard, you almost took my fucking head off!" The Nekoma captain shouts, leaving him shaking his head as he almost makes Lev cry.

He's in good spirits until the set ends, then his world kind of freezes along with his heart, _Kuroo: Two-Hinata: Zero_ He swallows, glances up at the enemy captain who's grinning ear to ear, looking particularly cat like, those dark chopper eyes freezing him in his tracks. He wants to scream, and run away, demand a do-over, but Kuroo's look makes his throat dry and is only interrupted by Lev, who's on his knees and the same height as him because of it, begging for his forgiveness. "It's fine, Lerr- _ree-_ Leebu." He stutters over the unfamiliar lets coming out of his mouth, tries to walk past the kneeling Lev so he can talk to Kenma, but too long arms reach out and refuse to let him go.

"Wa-I didn't mean to make you c-cry, Sho-chan." The taller man wails, arms dragging him closer like a stupid squid. He sighs, "'M not crying, idiot." But Lev just spreads his giant hand over his hair, petting him, and he jerks away, "Don't!" He shrieks, drawing attention of most of the gym, and Kenma, who walks over and bats Lev's hands away. "Shouyou said it was okay, please drop it, Lev." and the tall boy nods, rubbing his eyes with his balled up fists. "Are you okay?" Kenma's voice is quiet, less intense but just as serious as the tone he just used with Lev. He nods, feeling drained. _I lost._ He has nobody to blame but himself, Kenma and Lev tried their hardest, and he dragged them down; he couldn't even accuse Kuroo of cheating, even if he really wanted to.

He lines up with Kuroo an his two teammates, all of them bowing and shaking hands at the dark hair boy's insistence. Kuroo's hand clamps around his again, tan skin swallowing his hand easily. "I told you wouldn't beat me, Shouyou-chan, but-" Kuroo's eyes glance to the four people surrounding them, "I'm pretty interested in those jump serves you did. They were pretty interesting." He's pretty sure that he can hear Kuroo purring as he speaks, like a pleased feline, but there's something else, a knowing glint in Kuroo's eyes that set him on edge.

"Had some help." He admits through gritted teeth, not out of embarrassment, but something about Kuroo makes him uneasy. The dark hair boy nods, messy hair tumbling forward to cover more his face, "That makes sense, that form did look familiar." He swallows, _does he know how Grand King serves._ It wasn't unlikely but for Kuroo to notice the similarities is shocking in its own right. "What do you want- For your favor, I mean." He practically hisses out, watching Kuroo blink slowly.

"You're leaving for Miyagi tomorrow right?" He blinks, not sure how Kuroo could have access to that information, he nods. He'll accept his fate, even if it's not fair. "Come by my house tomorrow on your way to the station. _Alone._ " If there weren't warning bells before, there were now. _Me and Kuroo alone, not like anything bad can happen, Kenma is friends with him._ He tried reason with himself, because despite his creepy facial expressions, he was pretty sure that Kuroo was a nice guy. _Tanaka-senpai was the same way._ He nodded, "I-I'll see you there." Kuroo smiles, nodding, "Want to have a rematch, no deal this time?" The tension slides off of him almost instantly as he agrees.

Kenma doesn't seem as pleased as he is about staying in Nekoma gym for hours more than neccessary, _maybe it's the rain,_ it's sprinkling lightly on them as they walk back to Kenma's house and Kenma didn't bring his umbrella because it wasn't supposed to rain. "Don't you like the rain, Kenma? It's like a free bath!" He muses, getting a glare from Kenma, his golden eyes glowing like a cat's, he snickers quietly as the older boy fusses with his now damp hair. "The faster we walk, the faster we get out of the rain." Kenma is still glaring, "But then I'd get my socks wet." He's pretty sure Kenma's sock were already soaked, a combination of sweat and light rain, but he nods, matching pace with the taller boy.

"Tokyo's really pretty like this." Light grey clouds that almost cast out the setting sun, making the city lights shine more brightly, lighting up drops of water as they fall down. Kenma just grunts, obviously not sharing his opinion. The walk back to Kenma's house takes longer than their walk to Nekoma, give or take a few long moments where he insisted on kissing the taller boy. "Can we sit outside for a bit?" He says as they walk through the gate to Kenma's house, the blond boy looks like he really wants to disagree with him, but shrugs instead. He sits down on the step in front of the door, staring at the sheets of rain fall onto the nearby plants. "I'm leaving tomorrow." He says once Kenma is seated next to him, the older boy nods, golden eyes on him. "I'm gonna miss you." His eyes suddenly itch as he mentions that, "A lot." He confirms, then Kenma's chilled arms are around him. Their shirts squelch against each other as Kenma manipulates him into his lap.

"I'll- miss you too, Shouyou." The older boy's Adam's Apple presses against his neck, sending shudders up his spine. "Can I visit you?" Kenma nods silently against his neck, "Everyday?" He has to ask, but Kenma just snorts, "Aren't failing enough classes?" He scoffs as if offended, then leans his head back, resting it on the older boy's shoulder, "You'd tutor me every night then, right?" Kenma's body shakes with silent laughther, "I don't even study for my own classes, Shouyou." The blond boy admits, he can feel his face contort in curiosity. "But you're so smart, and stuff!" Kenma could be great at everything, because he's Kenma.

"Kuroo's smarter than I am, I just want games-" Kenma's voice trails off, "And you." He adds quietly, and directly into his ear. His damp skin flushes under Kenma's hot breath, "D-don't say stupid stuff..." He whines, hiding his face from the older boy. _Stupid Kenma._ He pauses when he hears something, a laugh. Kenma's laugh is quiet but warm, barely makes any noise as his shoulders shake. "It's not stupid." Kenma retorts, his cheeks tilted up, smirking.

He sighs, then pecks Kenma on the edge of his smile. "You know what is stupid?" A raised brow, "How white your teeth are?" Kenma laughs again, can feel it vibrate his ears and in his chest. "I like your laugh." He comments once his heart is under control, and the older boy just stares down at him, his cheeks crested with red. "I love you, Shouyou." He squirms, scared of the way Kenma's voice makes his insides tingle. "Are you ticklish, Shouyou?" That same voice asks, grinning into his neck. He shakes his head, a lie, but Kenma doesn't need to know that, especially when they're this close.

"Are you lying, Shouyou-chan?" He shakes his head again, and then hands are digging into his sides. He yelps loudly into the rain, trying to wrench his body away from Kenma's fingers, but Kenma's legs lock around his and he's trapped. At the mercy of someone he trusted, "Please don't!" he whines, trying to shoot Kenma puppy dog eyes in between bouts of giggling and screeching. "Want me to stop, Shouyou-chan?" The older boy teases, dragging his fingers across his damp stomach before digging in, he screams loudly and nods.

Kenma's stupid fingers relent, and then he's being pulled back against the older boy's chest, "I'll miss you." Kenma says quietly, he nods, leaning back until he can feel Kenma's heart beating against his back. "I'll be back before you know it. For revenge." He giggles, winter break was only four months away, but it seemed like an eternity from now, would probably seem longer when Kenma wasn't holding him.

They walk inside at Kenma's insistence, he's shivering at once, the air inside impossibly colder than outside. "I'll get you a towel." Kenma says, kicking off his damp shoes, unaffected by the freezing air on his skin. He nods, slips off his shoes, tucks his socks inside of them. Kenma's back at once, smirking down at him, toes curling over the landing. "Get naked, Shouyou." He commands silently, he opens his mouth to reply but only a squeak emits from his throat, "W-what?" He asks, looking around the taller boy for any other occupants in the house.

"Strip for me, Shouyou-chan." He can't help the shiver that runs up his entire body. "B-but someone could s-see." He hisses out, holding onto the bottom of his shirt like Kenma might walk over and rip it off. "They're both working." The older boy adds, as if that helps any. He looks up at Kenma and whines, "Do I have to?" The older boy nods quickly, holding the towel like a flag between his hands.

He sighs, out of options, and his hands drop from his shirt, push at his shorts, taking his damp underwear with them, the pool around his bare ankles with a plop and he steps out of the wet pile. Tugs at his shirt, thankful the fabric hides his burning cheeks from Kenma's gaze. He peels off the soaked shirt and picks up his shorts, rolling the pile under his arm. Then he's standing in front of Kenma, feels the older boy's golden eyes sweep across his exposed body.

Kenma steps forward suddenly, wrapping soft fabric around his shoulders, soaking up beads of water, then the towel slides over his body, warm and almost rough with the pressure Kenma's hands provide. The towel works into his hair, blinding him to the older boy's heavy stares. "Kenma?" He asks, and the towel freezes in his hair with a him of acknowledgement. "You're dripping on me." There's a soft noise, then Kenma pulls back, offering him the towel with a little smile.

He takes it, wraps it around himself and steps onto the landing, leans forward on his instep until his face is level with the older boy's. Kenma's lips quiver under his, then they're spread open, impossibly heated muscle pressing against his lips. Hinata opens his mouth, and Kenma's tongue slides in, flicks against his passive muscle. He swallows, his feet trembling slightly with the effort to remain standing. "Kemma-" He gasps, pulling back landing on his heels again. The older boy hums, then settles a damp arm across his previously dry shoulders.

Kenma leads him upstairs, into his bedroom, where the older boy's clothes are peeled off of his body. He swallows, never really interested in seeing someone strip as much as he is now. He watches each of Kenma's muscles spring forward, wanting to rip out of his pale skin, the way his fingers tug at his shirt until it's gone, thumbs hooking into shorts until it's all a pile on the floor. Then they're standing naked, in Kenma's too cold room, alone. He gulps, then golden eyes are latched onto his.

 _Last night in Tokyo,_ he thinks instead of, _Returning to no home,_ they're cuddling, like always, Kenma's hips and chest slotted to his slighter frame, the older boy's arm settled over his stomach. It had been rubbing his stomach some hours ago, but Kenma was sleeping now, _I should be sleeping now._ He flicks his phone open again, checking that it was still too early in the morning. _Alone._ He didn't want to be without Kenma if he didn't have to be, but a deal was a deal, and he'd lost.

Hinata isn't sure what to think of Kuroo, he's Kenma's friend, his captain, his neighbor, but he was also intimidating and unpredictable, if only to him. The rest of the Nekoma team didn't look at Kuroo in fear, but in admiration of his captain, maybe he's just scared of captains. _Except Daichi,_ he decides, because even when Daichi was being scary, he only did it because he cared. He wonders what it's going to be like, without Kenma that is, living with Suga-san or Daichi, maybe wandering the street so sleep on a bench. _Are there any benches near school?_ He didn't even know where Suga-san lived, not far he'd been informed but he had a feeling that his not far was different from his senpai's. _I ride a bike six Kilometers to school everyday, Suga-san._ The older boy hadn't responded, leaving him wondering the fate of his bicycle, or his school bag, or his sneakers.

He made a point to ignore thoughts that revolved around Natsu, _Did Natsu get her birthday bike?_ He almost called them two weeks ago, beg for forgiveness and ask to see Natsu, but he was thankful that his excessive sleeping kept him from doing so. _I wonder if she got taller._ He hadn't been that all when he was her age, ignored the spike of jealousy when he thought of his baby sister. _She has a mom, she has a home._ He had a home too, with Kenma, and he had to run from it to pursue his dream.

 _He'll be fine without me,_ he was sure of it, Kenma said he liked to be alone while he was sure that he would die without Kenma's touch, praising and loving all over his skin. He tugged at his hair, the only physical reminder that his time in Tokyo would be real until he reunited with Kenma. He focused on that for a moment, wondering what his teammates would think of his hair, _Kagayama would call it stupid, or maybe he'd be confused,_ either way he'd end up getting punched during or after practice. _Tsukki would be sarcastic and Yamaguchi would laugh when he did._ Tsukishima was a mystery as a person, but he was predictable in speech. _Suga-san would try to smother me, maybe crying- offer hugs and meat buns._ He really missed meat buns now that he thought about it, _Noya-senpai- he might like it, offer to teach me Rolling Thunder. Tanaka-senpai would..._ He couldn't think of how the taller boy would react, _he might like it, Kiyoko-san has black hair too._ He snickered at that, wondering if he could manipulate his senpai into getting him ice cream, blanched when he realized that he might have to flirt with his senpai to get it. He weighed the choice in his head, _Free ice cream... scarred for life... but free ice cream..._

 _Daichi wouldn't say anything just tell me to practice harder._ It seemed like a Daichi thing to say, but he's pretty sure his captain would smile, almost complimenting him, _Asahi- hmm._ He doesn't know a lot about Asahi, that he's the ace, that he has long hair that looks really soft, that his back attack is awesome. _Maybe he'd say that it's nice._ Asahi is nice, but quiet, but Hinata doesn't know his personal side like the other third years do. He's pretty sure the second years would just stare at him, wonder who he is for a long time, because he doesn't know them, and they don't know him. He doesn't think about what Kiyoko-san would say, already feeling a blush sprout on his cheeks from _thinking_ about talking to the very pretty manager.

 _It suits you._ Kuroo's words linger in his mind for a moment before he realizes that the dark haired boy isn't on his team, forces himself to think about Grand King's reaction, _his spiker friend has black hair, maybe he'd like it._ Grand King was a mystery as well, _I love you. Mine. Can I touch you?_ He swallows, dread and ice lingering in his veins. He never thought that Grand King, his rival, Kagyama's old senpai, would say those words, they seemed so out of place between Grand King's friendly -perfect- smiles and his swooped, swishing hair. Remembers Grand King's eyes, terrifying and cold lingering on his skin. _They don't match._ Realizes that Grand King's smile and hair would always be perfect, but his eyes would express something else. _His eyes match his words._ It's his last thought before falling asleep.

Kenma wakes him up, shaking his shoulder, long fingers spread out over his chest. "'m sleeping." He whines, rolling onto his stomach and trapping Kenma's hand. The other boy hums quietly, then his phone is clicking, "Guess I'll just kiss nobody." It's a dirty trick, but he'd jump at any chance to kiss Kenma. He pushes himself up and throws his leg over Kenma's lap, pressing their chests together with their lips. Kenma's talking against his lips, but they come out as gurgled syllables that turn into wordless moans as his tongue flicks against Kenma's

This is his favorite position, sitting on Kenma's lap, using the older boy's thighs for additional height so he doesn't have to strain his neck to kiss him. They sit like that for a while, Hinata's eyes closing in bliss until something that isn't Kenma presses at his lips. He opens his eyes, bleary and dazed, then there's glass being pushed into his hand. _Disorder._ He opens his lips again, nipping on Kenma's fingers as the pills go in, he swallows them with water, drains the glass and sets it on Kenma's nightstand. _Another thing to do on my own, I need a list,_ he realizes as he gives thanks to the older boy, letting the medication settle in his stomach before going back to his very important task of kissing Kenma.

The dizziness isn't as bad as it was yesterday, and his brain is almost clear, but Hinata is pretty sure he could fall asleep if he remained still for more than two seconds at a time. He pulls back from Kenma, stares at the way the morning light catches on the older boy's hair, it's a moment that he'll savor on his way to the station. _Alone._ Kuroo had never given him a time to be at his house, but Nekoma's captain lived next to Kenma, could easily see him walk by at any point during the day. Kenma looks at him, gives him a weird look, like he's upset at being awake but also happy to see him. "Hey Kenma?" He asks after a too quiet moment between them, "I'm not carrying you to the bathroom." The older boy sighs and he giggles, it was something in the back of his mind, Kenma carrying him around, but not what he was going to say. "Love you!" He chirps indignantly, pushing his head under Kenma's chin like a greedy cat. _Kenma's greedy cat._

Kenma's palm lands on his head without him noticing, he jerks away from the touch, but stills when Kenma's long fingers spread across his scalp, giving it small scratches. Hinata hums against the older boy's neck, delivers small kisses to the warm flesh; Kenma's hand freezes on his head, so he pauses as well, looking up into honey colored gems. Hinata is pretty sure that Kenma's eyes are his favorite thing about the older boy, excluding the way his long fingers pull embarrassing noises from his body, and the way his lips make him squirm. He could stare into Kenma's eyes for a very, very long time, like he's doing right now. His dry eyes close without his instruction, and he settles his too light head on the older boy's shoulder. "I love you." He whispers again, yawning loudly as he does. Kenma hums back, "Love you." Croaking out from his swollen lips, a not so attractive sound but he enjoys the way Kenma's throat vibrates against his forehead.

He feels the pills messing with his head when he pulls away from Kenma's shoulders, the way the room kind of tilts when he's not focusing, recognizes that his thought pattern isn't what it should be. "Kenma-Kenma-Kenma!" He sings quietly, then giggling softly, the older boy hums like a beehive under him. "What is it, Shouyou?" Hinata groans at Kenma's dismissive nature. "Call me Shouyou-chan." He asks for no reason other than the fact that Kenma would if he asked. "What do you want, _Shouyou-chan?"_ The blond boy asks with a teasing tone reserved for his name, honorific thankfully attached.

"Am I yours, Kenma-kun?" He asks, sinking further against the setter's chest like he might melt against him. Kenma hums quietly, resumes petting his head, "Do you want to be mine, Shouyou-chan?" It sounds like a genuine question as opposed to his usual teasing. He nods into Kenma's neck, giving his pulse a slow lick once he feels it under cheek. "I wanna be Kenma's!" He announces into the boy's ear, who just nods, panting hard. "I want to go- swimming." He admits, pressing their lips together, Hinata can feel Kenma's lips twisting into a smirk. "Will you settle for a shower?"

He feels tears prick into his eyes, _I REALLY wanted to go swimming._ He nods, rolling off of Kenma and offering the older boy his arms. He looks up after a long moment of not being picked up, Kenma is off the bed, heading towards the bathroom without him. "Kenma-kun!" He whines, rolling over to look at the ground beside the bed, wondering how much it would hurt to fall off the bed instead of using his legs. He finds out shortly that the answer is _very,_ and he groans softly before crawling into the bathroom behind Kenma.

The shower is running by the time he makes it to the tub, Kenma is undressing above him, golden eyes looking down at him curiously. Hinata smirks, "Kenma's naked." The blond boy just snorts, continuing his undressing until all of his pale skin is ready to be stared at. He takes advantage of the opportunity, rolls his eyes over all of Kenma's sharp angles and muscles, lingering on each of Kenma's faded scars. He's wonders how many of them are volleyball related when there's a tug on his hoodie, he looks down, Kenma's toes are curled into the fabric, tugging at it like a bird. "Get undressed, Shouyou-chan." He nods and slides against the floor, wiggling out of the jacket and shucking off his boxers.

"Can you help me into the tub?" He whines, clawing at the bathtub in question, Kenma's face flashes with concern and irritation. "How are your legs?" He shrugs against the floor, then hoists himself up to rest his chin on the edge of the tub. Hinata hears a sigh, then there's hot hands pulling on his stomach, the pressure making his insides squirm as he's positioned into the tub. For the first time in weeks he's sitting in Kenma's tub instead of standing. Kenma joins him, always behind him to keep him from falling. He yawns, getting a mouthful of water for his efforts, "How's the water?" Kenma asks over his shoulder. He pauses for a moment, letting the water wash over his skin. "Warm." He leans his head back, resting it on Kenma's shoulder like he usually does, lets his last night in Tokyo get purged from his skin, replaced with steam and the smell of Kenma's shampoo.

Hinata doesn't remember the rest of it, but he's pretty sure he didn't pass out. Kenma is drying him off now, warm towel wiped over his skin until he's no longer dripping, he looks up at the older boy, who's drying himself off now. "Thank you." He mumbles, using the wall to climb to his now feeling feet; the other boy hums and follows behind him. He gets into his own clothes, a little dismally, and holds onto Kenma's volleyball jacket. He's very tempted to just take it, but he's sure the Nekoma team would wonder where it mysteriously disappeared to. He sets it on Kenma's bed, and picks his phone up. He messages Daichi, formally asking if he can stay with him, then packs his charger and pills, tossing them into his bag more forcefully than necessary.

Kenma waits until all of his things are packed before asking about breakfast, he nods, letting the taller boy lead him downstairs. He's left alone at the breakfast bar as Kenma makes them eggs and omelettes, he watches the older boy as closely as his shifting vision will allow. The curve of his arms and legs, are very fun to look at while he waits for Daichi's reply. There's a plate, and he eats. Kenma sits next to him, their elbows nudging each other as he eats with his left arm instead of his right. Kenma stops eating, "Shouyou?" He asks, _are you okay?_ in his tone. He closes his phone, puts his chopsticks in his other hand, gives Kenma the best smile he can manage, which is big, because he's practiced his just enough smile for years.

"Just wondering how long it'll take me to find the station- and Daichi isn't texting me back, he's probably just working." Kenma nods, then frowns, "I can walk you, Shouyou-chan." It's an offer that he should beg for. _Alone._ He shakes his head, "If you're at the station then I wouldn't get on the train." It's as much truth as it is a lie, because he'd never leave Kenma alone in public. The older boy snorts into his tea, mumbling something he doesn't catch, and they return to their meal. Kenma makes really good eggs, but he's realizes that he doesn't really _like_ eggs, but they're not bad, especially Kenma's. The rice is sweet, moist and most importantly, not topped with crushed up pills.

He doesn't think he could have functioned in middle school if he hadn't dumped every meal into his pocket, smiles almost wistfully as he swallows his next mouthful. He's feeling loose, like he might fall over, but also strong, like he'd just bounce back up. _Like a spring._ The dread over meeting Kuroo - _alone-_ dulls a bit whenever he looks at Kenma, stops to stare into warm, warm eyes. They don't hold the analytical glint that made Kenma so intimidating on the court, they're open, almost swirling -he's pretty sure that's the drugs, but if not Kenma had _really_ pretty eyes- with open emotion, a sharp contrast to his blank face. He spied a pimple on the older boy's cheek, giving Kenma a more youthful look instead of a brooding old man with dyed hair. _That sounds like Coach Ukai._ His throat bubbles with laughter until it's spilling into his tea.

Kenma looks at him, a dark eyebrow raised in question, "You look like my coach when you're mad, please don't be mad." Not exactly what he was thinking, but Kenma would look more like Ukai if he was mad, he laughs a little more at that. Kenma's face is openly confused then, "I'm not mad, Shouyou-chan." He chirps back, "I know!" Then starts sipping at his tea, eggs and rice gone.

If Kenma thinks he's crazy, he doesn't say so, just rubs his fingers across his scalp. He jumps, not expecting the contact, and soon melts into the strokes, indulging himself on Kenma's touch. Kenma lets out a soft coo when Hinata finds himself moving towards the fleeting hand, he flushes instantly. _Stupid Kenma._ He mumbles something into his teacup, which was empty before the petting ended. The blond boy nods his head like he understands, then retracts his fingers, which is the exact opposite of what he wanted.

"My parents want to say goodbye." He nods, he'd been half expecting Haruo to fall into tears, and nobody would say anything, because that was such a Haruo thing to do. Kenma's mother, _wonderful Aki-chan,_ would nod curtly, give him a small hug, or pat his head like Kenma had just been doing. She might say something analytical, maybe something that made him feel worse than _disorder_ did, but never as bad as _freak._ Kenma pulls him onto the couch, he melts against Kenma, not because of his limp spine, but because Kenma is warm and that warmth is something he has to leave behind. He wonders, not for the first time, if he should really consider moving to Nekoma, _Little Giant Cat,_ doesn't sound as nice as _Little Giant,_ but being alone was significantly worse when he's had a taste of Kenma.

Hinata looks up at the older boy, honey eyes don't flick to him, they're focused on the screen, and he learns that Kenma's eyes glow from every angle. Something that's not a weird Tokyo thing, something that's awesome about Kenma for just being Kenma. "I love you." He whispers without meaning to, and then he's being stared at. The older boy's eyes droop slightly, one of Kenma's signs that he's happy, he only recently picked up on it. It looked like regular listlessness for a long time, but when he's this close, looking through Kenma's dropping eyelids, he knows what his eyes are saying. _I love you._ It's enough, because Kenma doesn't like to talk, and he won't ask for more than he deserves.

Haruo's presence is heard before it is seen, the front door slamming shut, followed by a holler of his entrance. Kenma's hand slides down from his hip, he pouts, gives Kenma the fastest peck he can manage before Haruo approaches them. "Shouyou-chan!" The big man _wails,_ plopping onto the couch between them, separating him from Kenma. He smiles up at the man, leaning to the side until his back is straight again. "Good morning, Teacher!" He chirps, giving the older man his best smile before he actually starts crying. Haruo returns it slowly, the same way that Kenma smiles, a twist of his lips, then revealing too white teeth until he can see most of his teeth. "I'm gonna miss you so much!" Haruo exclaims, throwing a meaty arm over his shoulders, he nods, scared if he opens his mouth all that will come out is, _I don't want to go._

He swallows his admission but it lingers in his throat, begging. "I'll miss you!" He echoes back, throwing his arm around Haruo's sizable stomach until they're half hugging. It all goes down hill from there, Haruo's choked sobs are quiet at first, then grow progressively louder as they remain in contact. Hinata's words start to itch at his throat, threatening to spill out if he can't control himself. "I'll be back before you know it. Winter break is in four months." That doesn't help at all, Haruo's tears start falling like raindrops into his hair. _I don't know how to handle this._ He gives Kenma a pleading look, but the blond boy just shrugs. He offers Kenma a smile that's only for him, warm and not too big, Kenma doesn't like seeing all of his teeth.

They stay like that for hours, until Kenma's mother comes home, and Haruo perks up instantly, darting off the couch like a big dog. "My angelic, magnificent, Aki-chan!" The man coos before offering to take her bag from her. He can't hear what Kenma's mother is saying, but she sounds happy, Haruo just made everyone feel like that it seemed, even Kenma who's lips were quirked up, even if he didn't look as happy. Haruo's outbursts were very loud, but equally as endearing.

"Is Hinata-kun still here?" There's a trill of confirmation, then both of Kenma's parents are next to the sofa. Hinata offers both of them a sad smile, doing his best not to cry or beg to stay, because he'd been offered but he had things to do. "Ah, Hinata-kun, reckoning day is here already?" He's not sure what that means exactly, but the soft tone of her voice reflects the message well enough, _You're leaving._ He nods, swallowing down those words again. "I'll be back, as much as you'll have me!" He offers cheerfully, she snorts quietly, her lips moving into a brighter smile. "You're always welcome here. Just don't break the lock." He _really_ doesn't know what that means, but her eyes are consumed with mirth, he never thought that Kenma's mother could joke. He giggles, hating how bitter and sad it sounds.

"Wouldn't be a problem if I had a key." It's a stupid retort, completely a joke until the moment Haruo presses a slab of metal into his hand. He swallows, eyes itchy for no reason, "Nn- What? You r-really don't have to this." He's offering the key back, but Haruo's hands remain on Kenma's mother, they're both smiling. "Just-" Her voice is uneven, and she swallows loudly, "No popping up at midnight, okay?" He laughs, a natural noise that brightens the faces of the two adults in front of him. "Right!" He whoops, giving them a deep bow. _I'm welcome here._

Hinata tries not to think too hard about it, being welcome into a friend's home, being offered a key, but not able to return to his family. _They're my family._ It still hurts, hurts so, so bad. Thinking that Natsu will forget him, when he could never forget her. His mother, absent six days a week since Natsu was born, giving him small, exhausted smiles. Even Sato, who stared at him with cold, dark eyes, he'd miss her, she took care of Natsu because he couldn't. _We're still related, we're just not family._ He hugs the three of them, hiding his tears in Kenma's shoulder, as friendly as he can make the contact while still having it. _Freak._ But he's not.

They have lunch together, after hours of sitting in each other's space, in the dining room. A plate of sweet dumplings passed around, with squid soup and slices of bread. He doesn't feel like eating, but he does, being unsure for the first time when he'll be sitting a table with people he loves again. They share stories, Kenma's mother making up ridiculous fake names for privacy reasons, "-And then when the therapy dogs all came in, they all jumped on the poor girl! I think she learned a lesson about eating dog treats, though..." They all laugh, even Kenma, who's hand is lingering on his leg, squeezing every now and again as if making sure he's there.

He tries to make the goodbye as easily as possible, his cheeks still burning from laughing so hard as he declines all of their offers to escort him to the station, he admits that it'd be hard to go, and they all share a look like saying, _that's the point._ He cries again, standing by their shoe rack. He wants to reach out for Kenma so, so bad, has to grab onto his own wrists to avoid doing so. His nails dig in slightly, when Kenma gives him the final goodbye, "See you soon, Shouyou-chan." Whispered just for him, he swallows, choking on his emotions. "I love you." He mouths it into Kenma's chest, and the older boy hums quietly in agreement.

Hinata walks out of the Kozume house with a refill of his medication and a key, out of their stupid gate that takes both of his hands, watches the three of them waving until he's hidden by their too tall shrubs. He breaks down when he's alone, the Nakameguro streets surprisingly empty, he chokes on more tears, wiping his face in a jacket that isn't red. Walks next door, hopping over the gate because opening it would be too much right now. Kuroo seems like he'd been waiting by the door, it slides open quietly almost as soon as he knocks.

"What did you want?" He asks, trying to keep his tone even, not reflecting his sorrow or fear to the dark haired boy. Kuroo is quiet for a long time, waves him into the house with a too big hand, he hesitates at the entryway, the walkway is dark despite the light seeping through the door. "Kuroo-" He tries again, but the door slams behind him, and he's slammed against the flat surface. "What does he see in you?" Growled from above him. He swallows, "What- What do you mean?" He squeaks out, feeling weak under Kuroo's grasp. "I saw the way you looked at him, you fucking whore!" It's louder, more dangerous as the voice gets closer to his ear.

"One guy not good enough for you? Want to take my best friend away, huh?" His shoulders are slammed into the door with each question, lungs emptying of air with each collision. "Answer me, fucker!" Then the space beside him claps like thunder as Kuroo's fist collides with it. "Is he paying you? God, you're such a fucking slut." His heart freezes at the icy words, the last one piercing right into him. "I-I-"

"I. I." Kuroo mocks, face lowering so his chopper ones are glaring directly into his, he tries to look away but one of Kuroo's hands seizes his jaw, his thumb digging into the soft flesh below his jaw bone. "I'm sorry!" He gasps out, too scared to say anything else. Kuroo's chuckle is dark, smoother than his real one, "No, you're not." Then that hand is on his head, pushing him down until he slides against the door. "But you will be." It's too dark to see the tanned captain, but he can feel his presence, hear his harsh breathing. Then there's heat pressing against his cheek, and Hinata reels back, head colliding with the door. It echoes into an empty house, along with a groan as his head starts spinning. Kuroo's chuckle starts again, "Such a whore, begging for my cock already?"

His mouth is opened to retort, to scream, but it's all muffled when salty heat penetrates him, sliding past his tongue and ramming into his gag reflex. His throat makes a noise, a warning of bile that he hasn't heard since he was kicked out. "C'mon, I know you can suck dick better than that. If you want money, you're gonna have to try harder."  _Suck dick. Kuroo's dick._ He swallows around the vacuum of Kuroo's length, no air fills his lungs, but Kuroo gasps as if mocking his inability to breathe. "Fuck-- That's more like it."

He should just-- "If you bite me, I'll fucking kill you." He's more shocked at the words than the cold tone, like the tan male above him can read his thoughts. He doesn't dwell on it, struggling not to choke as Kuroo's  _dick_ continues to block his airway, he can feel each vein as it's ripped from his mouth, can feel drool sliding down his open mouth. Kuroo's cock slides out of his view, into shadows for half a second, then collides with cheek, spreading his spit and whatever else all over it, the slickness dissolves from Kuroo's member as it slides over his cheeks, can't feel most of his face or the tears that threaten to slide down his cheeks. "Crying already? Pathetic." It's a growl, he doesn't reply, taking in deep breaths, but they all taste like sweat and panic. 

It's pushing against his lips, the bluntness forcing them open, and Kuroo's hips are slotted against his head, he's left inhaling emptily against thick hairs and musk. "Hey, look up here." Kuroo's voice is less acidic than it had been and he obeys.  _I'll kill you._ Then he's blinded, only for a second before he's back in darkness. "Insurance." Kuroo explains, putting something inside his view, a picture of him with Kuroo--  _No._ He pushes against Kuroo's hips, but they push forward against him, his head colliding against the door again with a noise that means danger. "Don't fight me, or I'll send this to everyone -- Kenma, Oikawa, even your captain." He swallows hard, nodding while his face is pinned. 

"Gonna be a good _Shouyou-chan?_ " Kuroo taunts, tugging at the tears in his eyes, he nods again, voice bubbling against the intrusion in his airway. Kuroo groans loudly, hips shoving where there's no space to move forward. "Such a fucking slut." Then nothing, just sickening noises as Kuroo's cock slams into his mouth, lingers then pulls out. "Want this load?"  _Load of what?_ He shakes his head, but his skull is clenched between Kuroo's finger and he cries out. "'Course you do, a slut like you? Any guy'll do, right? Get my best friend to fuck that ass of yours yet?" Then there's more growling, the distinct sound of Kuroo tugging on his slick cock is the most prominent, then a lower, deeper keen as his face explodes with heat and flashes of light. 

"I think I like this one the most." Kuroo comments casually, still panting hard, then his phone is blinding in his face again. His face, wet with tears and-- he looks away, clenching his eyes shut. "Clean yourself up, you fucking faggot, then get out." He whimpers, throat burning with bile that impairs his voice. Kuroo leans down then, a breeze ghosting over his skin, chopper eyes that shimmer like blood stare into him. "Kenma finds out, everyone in Japan will know what a fucking whore you are, got it." He nods, pushing himself against the door, making distance where there isn't any. "Good boy." Kuroo praises, running one of his tanned fingers down Hinata's jaw. "Your mine now, got it?" Another nod.  _Mine. Mine._ He can see Kuroo's smile then, shining brightly in the dark entryway. "Train leaves in ten minutes, better run." There's another chuckle, then he's being lifted and forced from Kuroo's home. "'Till next time, bye-bye!" Called from the door before it's slammed shut. 

He walks blindly, following the path to the station, past the squid place that Kenma had brought him to. He wades through crowds of men with too dark hair, and avoids their gazes like Kuroo could be anyone of them. He makes it to the station quickly, following the sound of hissing engines until he's stopped by a too black suit, he flinches back, voice still raspy from Kuroo's  _favor._ "Station-chan!" A voice bellows from above him, chopper eyes, too much like Kuroo's have him looking down at his feet. "It really is you, did it really take you three weeks to get to Nakameguro?" He's laughing, something that would be taken well if he hadn't just been--  _Whore._ "I almost didn't recognize you, your hair is so different! But it really suits your jaw, at least, that's what my wife says anyway. She runs a salon in Nakameguro, you know." The man prattles on, but he's too busy connecting the dots.  _Salon. It suits you._ He chokes on his breathe, and steps away from the tall imposing man, his frame too familiar. 

"Oh! I gotta go, lunch break's over, see you, Station-chan." He nods to nobody, and sneaks onto the train, curling up on a seat until he's on the path to Miyagi, his phone flicks open. 

 **"Do you need the address?"** _I'll tell your captain._ He clenches his eyes closed, _I won't cry. I won't cry._

**"Yes thank you very much"**


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

He doesn't go to Daichi's immediately, even though he really, really should. Instead, he wanders around his hometown, feeling something he hasn't felt in sixteen years: Out of place. He recognizes all of the buildings, but they feel more like they're from someone else's memories. Hinata pauses outside of Ukai's store, wondering if he should apologize for ditching practice for a month, or if the older Ukai even remembered him.  _Probably not._ He continues on, walking slowly but not dragging his feet, the sun is setting and he has places to see before it does. 

Hinata stops outside where he thinks Kageyama's house is, all of the surrounding houses look the same, all faded blue with windows that glow with light, he walks a little faster after that. Towards the only path he can remember, across the mountain, further and further from Tokyo, like he can feel the distance from Kenma tugging on a tether in his brain. He stops halfway, looks at what's left of the sun, streaks of too dim purple and too bright orange, and then continues on. Daichi would get mad if he was even later than he already is. 

Natsu is nowhere to be seen, not that he expects to see his baby sister from across the driveway, he stares for a long time, wishing more than anything for a flash of orange. He would settle for a squeal if Natsu didn't show.  _Five minutes,_ he promises, checking his phone for angry texts from his captain.  _Just five more._ He says after ten have passed. The lights go off, Natsu always had a pretty strict sleeping schedule, and his heart freezes. He expected almost nothing, and is still disappointed,  _Idiot._

He turns to walk away, to run to Daichi before his captain closes his offer, but stops again. Eyes travel across the yard, to a chipped tree where his bike was parked everyday for years. There's contemplation filling him, _it's mine and I need it._ But if he leaves a trace,  _Nothing will happen, they don't want you._ He doesn't take it, too many fond memories turned sour when staring at the faded blue paint. Bugs start calling after him when the mountain slopes under him,  _Natsu will be fine,_ he promises to the darkened sky. 

 _It's going to rain soon,_ he realizes, recognizing the signs from a too short stay in Tokyo. Grey shadows flicker across the black sheet of sky, there's a long sigh, hopes Daichi won't get mad about his wet clothes. The sprinkle turns into a torrential downfall by the time he's off the mountain, he stops by Ukai's store, which is two blocks out of the way on the path to Daichi's house, but he really should apologize before his coach gets mad. He pauses under the slight cover the building provides and shakes violently, trying to get as dry as possible before he walks in. He's not dripping, which is a good thing, but the door opens with a layer of chilled air.  _How can he run AC right now._ He glances up at Ukai, who hasn't noticed his presence judging from the attention he's giving the book his nose is buried into. 

The area by the counter is warmer, and much smokier, than near the door, he eyes all the ashes that have missed Ukai's ashtray and suppresses a laugh, the coach is flicking over a page when he looks up, jerks back like he's spotted a ghost, then his eyebrows fall into a harder expression. "Hinata?" He questions, then realizes why. He tugs at his damp bangs awkwardly, pushes them out of his face, "Y-yes. I just wanted to apologize for skipping practice with Grandpa Ukai." The older man's eyebrows drew in deeper at that, "Daichi told me you ran away from home." He thought Kenma was the only blunt person he knows, but it seems he was wrong. "I didn't run away." He huffed, crossing his arms in both anger and the chill that's taking over his body. 

"Then why did you skip practice?" His voice is half muffled by the cigarette hanging from his lip, but he can identify some emotion in his coach's words, "I-I--" _I.I._ He swallows the lump of fear in his throat, "I got kicked out, and had nowhere to go." He admits, looking away from Ukai because he's not sure what the older man will say, or if he'll even believe him. "Why?" Small and serious. There's not a lie he can spin with Ukai's gaze on him, he can actually feel it. "My mom doesn't want me around Natsu." He says quietly, a full truth, but there's always more. 

"Why?" Ukai echoes, and he shakes his head, feels himself get smaller and smaller with each invasion of privacy. "Where did you go?" The coach asks after a long silence between them, filled only by rain then a smack on the counter that sends him stumbling back. "T-Tokyo." He mumbles out, staring at his shoes and the puddle forming around them.  _With Kenma._ His heart aches differently when he thinks about him, family in his own right, but also something more. "They take you back?" It takes him a long time to realize who  _they_ is, _my family._ He shakes his head, small beads of water flinging from his hair as he does. Ukai hums lowly like Kenma does, and he looks up, "Where're you staying then?" He asks, scoffing at him. 

"With D-Daichi." He admits, wondering how his voice can be so dry when he's covered in water. Ukai frowns, "That's a long walk from here, don't ya' need a ride?" He's almost sure he can hear concern from his coach and he smiles a little before shaking his head again. "I'll be fine-- I'd probably get your car all wet anyway." There's a laugh, from him and it sounds sad to his ears. His jaw pulses with pain, a reminder why it's okay to be sad, if only for tonight. "My floors already wet, brat, just get in the car." It's such a nice thing to say, but Ukai's tone is no-nonsense and he finds himself nodding. Thankful, because he has almost no idea where Daichi's house is and if he got any more soaked he's pretty sure his captain would kick him out. 

"I'll close up, then we'll go." He blinks, "Isn't this a twenty-four hour store?" His tone is a little more  _alive_ than it was before, but he's curious and scared. Ukai shouldn't close because he didn't have a home. Ukai snorts, "Yeah, but that doesn't mean twenty-four all at once." He's not sure what that means, but he's nodding, following his coach out of the door. Waits behind the taller man as he locks the darkened glass doors. Coach's car sends shivers all through his body, the cold leather under him, the icy air blown from the vents surrounding them. He regrets agreeing to this, but he's still grateful, because he wants nothing more than to sleep and never wake up. 

They don't talk during the ride, which seems to prolong the ride indefinitely, like Ukai wants to say something and there's not enough time if he drives any faster. They stop abruptly, recognizes the edge of town from the spacing between each building, the walk wouldn't have been that long, uncomfortable but not long. He glances at his coach, who's staring at him expectantly. "Sorry." He says again, for the skipping and the gesture, "Thank you very much." He adds, stepping out of the mute car into the roar of the rain. He slings both of his bags over one shoulder and pushes through a too heavy gust of wind to the only house there. Ukai drives off in a flash of light and a squeal of tires. He pauses in front of the door.  _His door._ But doesn't knock. Can't knock. There's no light. _Dark. Dark._ There's fear pumping in tune with his heart, he can hear it in his ears.  _Daichi wouldn't-- but what if it's not Daichi._

He raises his fist, and it freezes before it can collide with the wood in front of him. Hinata sits down, his back to the too familiar sight, leaning against it and sliding down, his breathing is too quick to be normal.  _Thought the pills stopped this,_ he wonders as he tries to picture Kenma calming him down. _Kenma isn't here._ His heaving quickens, but there's no air in his lungs. He whines, fear and lack of air making his hands go numb.  _Breathe, Shouyou._ "I can't." He gasps out to nobody, forcing his eyes to take in the splashing rain in front of him, Kuroo's shadow standing, waiting, on the edge of his vision, waiting for his eyes to close. 

He decides to stay here, until there's light, until the sun comes down and spreads the shadows so thin that he can't see them. He feels stupid, scared of the dark like he's a child again, but there's nobody's bed he can climb into, no  _mother_ for him to cling to and cry against. His convulsing lungs slow at that,  _freak,_ because he's always been. It shouldn't be comforting, but his mother's disgust with him is something that's solid.  _Freak._ He knows it, can feel it with the shaking in his body, with the rattling of the pills in his bag. 

 _Kuroo's not here._ He still doesn't knock, doesn't get up, because he's decided.  _Daichi shouldn't worry about me._ He can last a night in the rain, he's half protected by the cover of the door against his back, he scoots away because if he touches it, it might open. He doesn't think about what happens if it opens, he manipulates his breathing into something he can control.  _My body._ Draws in a long breathe.  _Mine. Mine. Mine._ Chokes out the inhale, trying to calm his racing pulse. His bags turn into pillows against Daichi's steps, they soften the cement, ease his too hot blood and too cold skin. He can sleep like this, alone, not bothering anyone.  _Steal my best friend?_

He snaps awake when pain crushes his lungs, snaps his eyes open and stares up at a foot, connected to legs, connected to a face. "Daichi?" He asks, half dazed from sleep and pain. "H-Hinata?" The older boy asks, his tan face flashing until he's crouching next to him.  _Pills when you wake up, Shouyou._ He holds back the urge to reach into his bag, around a familiar shape. "Did you sleep on the steps?" Daichi asks, half angry half-- something. He nods, knowing that Daichi would ask him to explain, but he just wants to be quiet, if only for a little while. He shifts, his clothes feeling stiff from dried rain. "Sorry." He mumbles, moving out of his captain's path. The older boy sighs, then scoots forward, his tan legs spanning across the steps. "Why did you sleep on my stairs, Hinata?" Serious, but calm and soft. 

 _I was scared. Of you. Of the dark. Of Kuroo._ He gulps, loudly enough that Daichi's head flicks to him, studying him. "Sorry?" He offers instead of the answers he knows Daichi would want. "You could have knocked." Daichi's head tilts to the door behind them, half open and showing nothing but darkness. He flinches away from it, doesn't want it grasping at him. "Hinata!" Daichi half-booms, then his captain's face is closer to him, he's on the ground now, as far away from the door as he could throw himself. "What's wrong?" Daichi's voice is even softer now, but there's urgency in his tone.

"Didn't want to bother you." He answers instead, looking away from the door, and away from the dark. "Why're you up so early?" He asks, hoping if he talks that Daichi won't. "Work." The older man grunts out, he nods, "Can I come with you?" Hinata doesn't want to be alone, and doesn't want to walk into that door. Daichi blinks, eyes narrowing as his eyebrows contort, but there's half a grin spread on his lips. "I thought you didn't want to smell like crops?" His tone is amused, like he forgot about his panic, his eyes reflect otherwise. 

"I--I've never been to a farm before." It's a lie, a stupid one since this town is surrounded by farms. Daichi snorts, then there's a hand in front of him, not on his face, but too close. He's trembling by the time he remembers why it's there, his palm slides into Daichi's, it's warm and rough against his. "This way." Daichi says, nodding towards the road leading away from town, he walks beside his captain silently, hoping that Daichi would say something, but not ask anything. 

Daichi turns suddenly, almost walking into him, but he stumbles back a step to avoid the collision, "Sorry." He mumbles, then follows his captain again, all the way until a shed is looming over them with the barely there sunlight. "A shed." He says after a moment, the word unusual against his tongue. Daichi grunts again, then walks into the small wooden structure, into darkness. He steps back, pulse stuttering as the door creeks open. "Here." The darkness calls, then Daichi's tan face is revealed, igniting relief that settles in his heart. Daichi is in front of him now, extending a fist to him, he reaches forward, and material is dropped into his hand. "Gloves?" The older boy nods, a smirk lightening his serious face. 

"Don't want your baby hands getting hurt." It's the most he's heard Daichi speak since the steps, he watches the older boy walk away, then surges after him. "I don't have baby hands." He squawks, irritated at the accusation. Daichi laughs, something nice and warm settles in his stomach where fear had been earlier. "Wait, you want me to help?" Daichi stops, turning back to face him. "Unless you were planning on sitting on your ass and watching  _me_ work for three hours." His face evens out into blankness, because that had been his plan, sitting by Daichi while he worked to avoid the fear of loneliness that Kenma had left him with, avoid the fear of the dark that Kuroo had scarred him with. 

"O-of course not." He lies quickly, but Daichi's smirk is a knowing one. "We'll start here." Daichi's dark arm pointing towards the corner of a too large field. "I've never done this before." He admits, settling next to his captain, a big bucket bucket between them. "Well, it's about time you learned." He's not sure why he should learn to farm when his goal is to play volleyball until he dies, but he's nodding, because Daichi is his captain, and usually right about stuff like this. 

Daichi's hands, covered in gloves, scoop forward, grasping the base of a large plant, then he slides up, knocking off small buds that he recognizes as peas. "Just like that, got it?" Daichi asks, turning to face him as he blindly picks peas up and deposits them into the bucket between them. He nods, pulling on the gloves Daichi had given him, they're too big and wiggle against his fingers. He ignores that, then grabs onto the plant in front of him, gripping it's base like Daichi had shown him, he tries to slide up, but his hands stutter with each pea that gets flicked off. He's half sweating by the time he finishes that, and he looks up at his captain for approval. There's color in Daichi's dark cheeks, he wonders how it could be hot outside when there's no sun but ignores that in favor of his captain. "G-good." His captain chokes out, then he's grasping another plant, focused on his task now. 

"It's sad, isn't it?" He asks, a few rows filling half the bucket, the sun half visible now. Daichi pauses, wiping sweat onto his arm, "What is?" He asks, scooping up green and tossing it into the bucket. "Growin' plants so we can break them." Daichi blanches at that, stares into the bucket with an unreadable expression. "I never thought about it like that." The taller boy admits, he meant it as a joke, something to say while they work. But it something that has crossed his mind before. 

"A lot of stuff is like that." Daichi says after another row is settled into the bucket between them. "Like what?" He can't help but ask, looking over at his captain as he plucks small peas into with too loose gloves. "People." He flinches at that,  _Whore. Mine. Freak._ He ignores the shake in his hands until Daichi speaks again, "Animals." He tries not to picture cows with big sad eyes, wondering why they have to die. He wipes not tears from his itching eyes. He chokes on a sob as he deposits more green into the sad pile between them and Daichi's gaze snaps onto him. "B-but it's not all bad!" His captain splutters out, trying to cheer him up, sad eyes are haunting his closed eyes. 

"How is not all bad!" He shouts, angry on the behalf of dying cows. Daichi's quiet, and then the smell of peas is strong in his nose. "Uh-- We give them homes, keep them safe--" He's crying now, "So we can murder them." He interrupts, jerking back as Daichi's chin lands on his head. "That doesn't mean we love them any less." He blinks away more wetness, then looks up at his captain, "How can you hurt something-- someone that you love?" Daichi's head jerks at the question, and he can see those dark eyes glisten. "I-I don't know. I-- We don't kill them, we just send them off..." 

"Isn't that worse? Never seeing them again?" He asks, pulling back from his captain's heavy arms. Daichi looks like he's out of words, but he's nodding now, drops of not sweat rolling down either sides of his nose. His mouth freezes,  _I hurt him._ He pushes forward, holding onto his captain's chest. "I'm sorry." He whispers, hoping that he didn't break Daichi. He'd never seen the older man cry before, didn't think Daichi would know how. "You'd be a great farmer." Is whispered against his hair, "Why?" _I don't want to hurt anymore._ Daichi's chest bounces against his, then a laugh is tickling his hair. "You care about stuff-- like animals, you'd give them a good home, take care of them." It's the first speech Daichi has given him that isn't bittersweet. The older man pulls back, tan hands resting on his shoulders. "You'd be a great farmer." He says again, then pulls away, kneeling in front of more peas. 

He wonders how Daichi can go from crying to not-crying so quickly,  _You'd be great._ He smiles while tugging at more stalks, the motion brings a flush to his cheeks, through the effort and the memories of doing something very similar to Kenma. He gulps, then glances at his captain, wondering if the heat had caused his earlier blush at all. He freezes in terror, shoves those thoughts away, because what Daichi did when he wasn't being a team captain was none of his business. At all. 

That doesn't stop him from wondering. 


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

Hinata refuses to go inside, not because he's scared, aces don't get scared. _Except Asahi._ But Asahi is a child in the body of a thirty year old man, which is none of his business. Daichi doesn't catch on, mostly because he's forcing the older man around town, asking him distracting questions that can't lead back to his refusal to enter Daichi's home.

"Why do they call it 'fixing' your dogs if their thing doesn't work after?"

"Hinata-"

"If rabbit's feet are lucky, then why did the rabbit get caught?"

"Please-"

"Why do we wash towels if we come out of the shower clean?"

"I don't know- I'm begging you."

Daichi stops walking, they had made loops all around town for hours until the sun was high in the sky, "Is something wrong, Hinata?" His captain is looking down at him, very intensely. He looks away, shrugging, trying not to think about anything about his issues, ignoring memories that are too fresh and sharp. _I forgot my pills. I forgot my village._ Pushes those away, because he'd been fine for years without the drugs, and the animals weren't real. "No." He lies, slowly walking forward and waiting for Daichi to follow.

He doesn't. "I don't want to pry-" Hinata turns back around, snapping, "Then don't." He's louder, voice cracking with how strong and sudden his words are. Spikes of guilt stab into his stomach at the look of shock on Daichi's face. "Please." He adds guiltily. Daichi nods, steps forward until they're close enough for Daichi to sling an arm around his shoulders, something he's not used to but enjoys. "Sorry-" They say at the same time, then they share an awkward laugh as they continue down the street. "I'm just worried, captain stuff and all."

He's pretty sure that Daichi's duties as captain begin and end on the court, but he's nodding anyway. "It's fine- I just _can't_ talk about it. Not with you." He's not looking at Daichi, refuses to. The arm around him causes him to freeze in his stride, "Not with me?" Daichi echoes, that worried tone is intensified. Hinata sighs, tucks his chin into Daichi's hand, "Anyone." He corrects, Daichi makes a soft noise, and they continue walking.

The ground glows a dull orange by the time they finish walking, they're in front of Daichi's house, and the older boy is trying to lead him inside. "Hinata-" His captain starts, tugging on his arm but he's feet feel like cement under him. "I can't. I can't." His vision is blurring from how hard his head is shaking, Daichi's arm stops tugging on his, and instead lower him to the ground. He can see the door through his dark hair, "I can't." He says quietly into his knees. Daichi's arms are tightening against him, "It's okay to come inside, Hinata."

His head shakes again, can feel his hair flick against Daichi's face. "I'm scared." He admits, just because Daichi wouldn't force him to do something that scared him. "It's just my house, Hinata, I won't kill you." His captain laughs lightly for a second, then quiets down when he doesn't join. _I'll kill you._ But he's not scared of dying, the only thing he's been scared of was not playing professional volleyball, now he's scared of a stupid door. "It's just a door." Daichi hums in agreement.

"Just a door." He gasps, they're closer to it now. "Just-" His bags are split between them, he takes the one with his pills, "A." Hates himself for flinching as the door makes a sound as Daichi twists the knob. "Door." Daichi steps in first, fearless because there's no reason for him to be. His hands are tingling and his knees quiver under an unknown pressure, but he takes a step forward, more scared of losing proximity of his captain. It closes behind him and he whimpers into darkness before lights start to flick on. Breathing is easier after that, he's leaning against the door, panting.

He takes a moment to catch his breathe, ignoring the potential panic attack, because he's not scared. He ignores Daichi too, tries to imagine Kenma holding him, giving him attention and relying on him for physical reassurance. Kenma was what he needed, _steal my best friend,_ but he can't go back to Tokyo. A flash of tan skin and Daichi's eyes are blocking his view, no shadows and no choking. "Are you okay?" _Are you okay?_ Couldn't count the times that Kenma had asked him that, making sure his lungs could fill with air.

"I'm fine- Just tripped." Daichi's eyebrows are raised now, "You're not scared of the dark, are you?" It's a joke, Daichi's tone and smile make that obvious, but he can't help the spike of fear that travels up his entire body. He shakes his head, gasping out a laugh, "N-no, of course not. I'm not a child." Daichi doesn't look convinced, offers him a tanned hand. He breathes out hard when it approaches, but he takes it, rough and warm. He commits the feeling to his brain, because Daichi was just that. Rough and warm.

Everything is easier after that, he takes off his shoes, tucks them next to Daichi's, and grabs onto his Captain's shirt as they tour through his home. "Very traditional." He comments, not sure what he means by it. Daichi's house is similar to the one he grew up in, but bigger due to being on the outskirts of town instead of on a hill. He likes the open space, there's room to run around, except he won't because he's pretty sure his captain would throw him out. "Did you do your summer work?" Daichi asks once they're settled at a small table, separated from the spacious rooms by looming partitions. He wonders why Daichi doesn't just study in his room if he's going to make the area around him small. The older male looks up, and he realizes that he hasn't answered, "Uh- No." Daichi's eyes narrow at that.

"My school bag is there." He can't call it his home, not out loud anyway, because it's not. Daichi blinks, obviously confused, "My mother's house." Then his captain nods, and he looks away before Daichi's eyes can flash in sympathy. _I don't care._ "Can't you go back?" His voice is harder than he expected, not exactly banishing him, but it makes one of his darkest thoughts more solid. _I can't stay here forever._ He didn't plan on it, didn't plan on even texting Daichi until it was already too late. He shakes his head, and watches as Daichi chews on his lip, before returning to his work.

"Do you need anything?" _I need everything._ He shakes his head again, all of his school books are in his shoe locker, he's only missing his pencil case and a few empty notebooks. He can just borrow from someone, because Daichi was nice enough to house him, he didn't need anything else. _Except maybe dinner._ "Your hair is black." Daichi notices, as if he'd _just_ noticed after spending the day together. He nods, smiling shyly, wondering if his imaginary Daichi will live up to real Daichi. "It's different." He blinks.

"Uh- Yeah." He's not sure what else to say, "Did you hate your old hair?" He jerks back, hate is a strong word. "I don't think so..." He trails off only for Daichi to follow up with a low, "But?" He shrugs, tugging at the dark tresses, "I like this better, reminds me of Noya-senpai." Daichi is nodding, but he looks tired. "Please don't turn into a wild child, Hinata- I'm begging you." He giggles wickedly, feeling stupid for having a serious conversation about his hair. "I dunno, he's pretty cool..." He teases.

Daichi is filling out papers that don't look like school work sometime later. "What are you working on?" He asks over his senpai's shoulder, trying to mouth out the printed romanji. "Papers for university." Daichi admits, quiet, like a secret. He hums emptily, "What are you going to study?" Daichi's shoulder tenses under him, "I have no idea." There's a laugh, then Daichi's face smooths into blankness. "You want to know what I think?" Daichi doesn't look like he wants to humor him, even for a second, but he shrugs, a barely there movement that he knows is there since he's practically hanging from his captain's neck. "I think you'd be a great leader." Daichi scoffs, "I'm serious." He whines back, "I think you could be a restarunt owner, or run like, a bike shop. Something cool! You'd be all _gwaah_ with your employees when they're good and go all _grrrr_ when they're bad, you know?" He pouts when Daichi starts laughing at him.

"I don't think there's a bike shop major on here." Daichi says once he's calmed down, pulling out a long list of half kanji and half romanji. "You should do that one, then." He points down, "Business?" Daichi asks like this is a joke, he nods into Daichi's neck. "You really think I'd be able to do that?" Daichi asks, voice quiet in sincerity. He nods again, "If you can run a bike shop like you can run a team, then you'd be the greatest bike shop owner ever!" He's practically yelling in Daichi's ear, but if his captain gets the message, then he'd be a great deaf bike shop owner.

"I'll ask Suga about it then." He blinks, "Why would you do that?" Daichi smiles at him, "We're applying to the same place, he's been asking for a long time." He nods, humming again. "That's cool! You guys are gonna be like, best friends for life, right?" Daichi laughs, but nods again, his cheeks are flushed with color. "Yeah, he's been my best friend for a while. Always supporting me." He thinks it's nice, that Daichi, a rock, has someone he can depend on. "What about you, Hinata?" Daichi asks after filling in more papers much faster than he had been before. He shrugs, "I don't think I can go."

Daichi stops writing, "Why do you think that?" His voice is different than he's ever heard it. He shrugs nonchalantly, "I'm stupid, besides, I only want to play volleyball." Daichi nods, but his lips are squirming. "You're not stupid." He pulls back, "Don't joke like that." He mumbles seriously, making his captain sigh, then there's hands twisting him, until he's sitting in between Daichi's legs. "You're not smart-" _There it is._ "Like Tsukishima." _I don't think anyone is smart like Tsuki._ "But you're smart enough for college." There's pride in Daichi's tone now, a condemnation, but not a bad one. He's been pinned with expectations by his captain.

He sighs, then leans over the table, "I can't even read Romanji, Daichi. How could I get into school?" Daichi is quiet, but his body is still warm behind him. "What do you mean?" He sighs, "I can't read Romanji." He says, louder and now annoyed. Daichi is quiet again, "Didn't anyone teach you?"

Hinata scoffs, a bitter sound that echoes in a quiet room, "Nope." He pops, then leans back against his captain so he's not obstructing the papers any longer. "There's nothing wrong with that." Daichi says evenly, so much that he wants to believe it, but he can't, "I can't even read this stupid paper, what do you mean there's nothing wrong?" His voice is loud and hissing, he's half reminded of his mathematics teacher who spits when he talks. Daichi sighs again, and he feels bad for forcing that reaction out of his senpai, but the sooner his captain realizes he's stupid, the sooner they can move on.

"Half the stuff in Tokyo is in Romanji." He says, further cementing his point. "Why were you in Tokyo?" _Didn't he tell you?_ He shrugs, not appreciating the change in subject. "I was staying with Kenma, didn't _he_ tell you?" He looks back at his captain's folded chin, "Kenma- That's the Nekoma setter?" He nods, everyone should know who Kenma is. "I texted their captain, just in case, he said he'd keep an eye out." _But he didn't tell you I was next door, that he-_ He swallowed, "I met him." He admits, but he'd refuse to say anything more about _him._

"Stupid guy." Daichi scoffs, but he's certain that Kuroo is anything but stupid. They don't talk for a while, Daichi working on his papers while pointedly ignoring him. Even when he starts chewing on Daichi's arm. Eventually, his captain drops his pen, and starts rubbing spit off his arm. "Are you hungry, by chance?" He giggles quietly and nods, "How could you tell?" Daichi sighs, but smiles, "Oh you know, signs were all there. I've been a bad host." He disagrees, Daichi was giving him what he'd been depending on Kenma for, warmth and attention. He wondered why he was so needy for it, like a physical ache to be near other people, but Daichi's warmth against his back is answer enough. _Who wouldn't want to be warm?_

He follows his arm, clenched in Daichi's shirt, to his kitchen. "Your rice cooker doesn't sing." He comments, staring at the accused device. Daichi coughs into a laugh, "Uh- Should it?" He asks, his big hands wandering over the steaming device. "Kenma's sings, I just thought they all did." Daichi's nodding, "Ah well, Tokyo is a strange place." He hums in agreement, helping Daichi by scooping rice for him while the older man works on his leash, obviously trying not to twist his arm into awkward angles.

"Nekoma has a new guy- He's _really_ tall." He says after swallowing a too big mouthful of rice and seaweed, Daichi's brow raises in question, "How tall?" He asks out of courtesy, but Hinata can tell he's interested, if only a little. "Taller than Tsukishima! He said he was over one-ninety!" Daichi hums around his spoon, but his eyes are a little wide, "And his name is really hard to pronounce." He adds, because that is a very important detail, at least to him. "Rr-Leavea" Daichi's brow furrow at his self-imposed challenge. "Leb." He shrugs, _close enough._ Daichi smiles at him, almost proud, even if he couldn't do it. "Is he good?" He remembers most of Lev's spikes, the awkwardness in his limbs, how the ball flew through his too wide set arms, how he cost them the game, _Loser does what the winner says._ He nods, silently.

"Hinata?" Daichi asks, his captain's eyes glancing between the differences between their bowls. _I forgot my pills._ He looks up. "Y-yes?" The older male has his eyes narrowed now, "You're not eating." He nods, because he knows that, but his stomach cramps when he thinks about putting anything into his mouth. "I-I-Not hungry, sorry." Daichi frowns at his words, "Your stomach was growling earlier." There's no room to deny that, Daichi's hand had been on his stomach at one point. "Sorry?" He offers instead of an explanation.

Daichi shrugs, "Don't expect meat buns if you skip breakfast." Is all he says, before he's taking their bowls away, he rushes to follow. Daichi is tossing his rice- "The window?" He asks in slight disbelief, a very surreal feeling washing over him at what he's witnessing. Daichi looks back at him, and shrugs one shoulder, "Wild animals eat it." He snorts, _You'd be a great farmer too, captain._ He joins the dark haired male at the sink, he washes but only gets the sponge through insistence. "Kenma has a robot that does this." He says, rinsing off the last dish from a full sink. He hands it to his captain, "I kind of like washing dishes by hand though." Daichi hums quietly, "Feel free to wash my dishes anytime, Hinata." They share a laugh at that, the previous spike of _whatever_ being picked away slowly.

"Where are your parents?" He asks once they're at a different sink, brushing their teeth instead of porcelain. Daichi spits ungracefully into the sink, tugging his worn toothbrush from his foaming mouth, "They work on and off again in the city, three weeks there, three weeks here." He nods, frowning. It's not an unusual thing, he'd lived with almost the same thing for most of his life, but he always expected Daichi to be surrounded by comforting people, a hard mom and dad that were comforting when he needed it. He shouldn't feel sad but, "Do you get lonely?" Daichi pauses in his attempt to remove his enamel with too hard strokes, "Sometimes. But it's nice too." He's not sure how being abandoned for weeks at a time could be considered nice, but he's nodding anyway. "You'll thank them for me?" He asks, rinsing toothpaste from his mouth. Daichi's brow furrows, "You'll probably meet them, you can just do it yourself." He's not sure how he feels about meeting Daichi's parents, but he smiles up at his captain.

"They're not scary, right?" Daichi laughs, spitting toothpaste onto the mirror in front of them, "Something like that." He's not sure what that means, but Daichi doesn't elaborate. Just rinses his mouth, and wipes the mirror. He's led into what must be Daichi's bedroom, bigger than he anticipated, about the same size as Kenma's but with half the clutter. "It's clean." He sounds more shocked than he is, Daichi seemed like he always had his business together. "Were you expecting a pigsty? I can take you to Noya's house if you want that." He snorts, then flops onto Daichi's bed. "I guess I'll deal with it, my humble host." Daichi looks like he wants to say something, about him being on his bed, about calling him _host_ like he's an old man, or because of loud he's being. His captain just sighs, then steps forward, joining him on the bouncy mattress.

Hinata stops him before he can turn off the lamp, "Can you-" Daichi's muscles twitch under his fingers, then there's a sigh. "I guess but..." He doesn't say anything more, just scoops tan arms under his body until he's squeaking, then hoists his body until their positions are switched. He's facing the lamp, it seems brighter now, but he's sure if the light had been off he'd wake up screaming. "Thank you." Daichi's spine twitches against his, but he says nothing.

He wakes up streaming anyway, his face and throat burning with ghost touches, a solid roughness making him gag, blinding flashes. Daichi's body jerks next to him, holding down his convulsing body. "Hianta!" Then his eyes open, taking in his captain's alert eyes. "Sorry." He offers through a sob, hiding from the light of the lamp so Daichi won't see. "Sorry." He says again, but Daichi is gone, his bedroom door wide open, revealing too dark shadows.

He's back, emerging from the darkness without fear, because Daichi shouldn't be scared. "Just a nightmare." Daichi says, moving to pet his sweaty hair but he's jerking back before the connection can be made. Then his other hand rises, offering him a glass of water. He takes it, giving his captain a hopefully grateful look, then liquid is soothing the frayed nerves in his throat. "Sorry." He whispers, voice no longer cracking, but Daichi says nothing, taking the empty glass from him, and setting it on the table.

Daichi joins the bed once more, rough and warm weight slide over his stomach. "Few more hours before I have to work." He feels bad for interrupting Daichi's sleep, his captain would need it, Daichi had work, school, and volleyball practice. He slows his breathing so Daichi's fingers stop fidgeting against him, and finds sleep in the smell of peas. The sun isn't shining when he's pulled from sleep by a chill on his stomach, he opens his eyes to lamp light and Daichi's tan figure, changing into loose clothes. He should probably look away, for both their modesty, but he's seen at least two men naked before so his captain's nudity shouldn't bother him now.

His clothes are still stiff, they're the same ones he wore through the rain, but he shifts off the bed without them. "I didn't mean to wake you." Comes from the far side of the room, he grunts softly, "I should help you- for waking you. Sorry again." Daichi's lips smack together, like he wants to say something. "You don't have to." He knows that, but he should. "I'm going." He decides, and Daichi just nods. "Get changed then, leaving in a few." He nods back, dashing out of the room and towards his bags. Takes them both into Daichi's bathroom, stares down into menacing orange.

He turns the water on to mask the sound of the rattling bottles, takes two of them like he should every morning, and tucks them back in before cupping his hands under the sick to wash down the itch they leave in his throat. He pulls on a different pair of shorts and a t-shirt, looks through all of his clothes for something else. _I don't have my school uniform._ Daichi is more than a handful of centimeters taller than him, and his shoulders are broader. _This is bad._ He hums in thought as he brushes his teeth. He'd only ever worn Kenma's clothes besides his own. _Like breaking a bond._ It fills him with almost sadness, but he ignores it, detention -and missing practice- would probably be worse than wearing not-Kenma's clothes.

He checks his phone as they walk out the door, all of his notifications are from Kenma, including one missed call.

 **"Shouyou, you promised to call."** He flushes with guilt as he reads that, he was the one who told Kenma he would call.

 **"Shouyou, are you okay?"** He's never heard read those words from Kenma, they were always spoken.

 **"Make sure you take your medication."** He feels proud, he remembered one of the two things he promised.

 **"Sorry i didnt call i took my pills"** He sends it, wondering if Kenma had been waiting up for him, one of the texts were from pretty early in the morning.

He tucks his phone into his pocket after a minute of staring at it, Kenma wouldn't be mad at him for not calling. _Too mad._ Maybe more worried.

"Gotta girlfriend?" Daichi teases, and he pauses in the street. _Girl troubles?_ He swallows hard, "No." He says, hoarse and quiet. Daichi's smile softens at his tone, but he his arm around him, matching his smaller strides. "It'll be fine." He's not sure which issue in his life that will be fine, the girl troubles, his family kicking him out, having to leave Kenma, Grand King's attention and then ignoring him, Kuroo's- He nods, wrapping his arm around Daichi's stocky waist as they walk.

They talk while they work, scooping peas into the big bucket until it's full, but it's mostly just small talk. Him asking about Daichi's possible bike venue, Daichi asking about other strange Tokyo customs he's discovered, but never about Kenma, and thankfully never about Kuroo. "It rains a lot." He says as his final piece before a deep rumbling interrupts him, he looks for its source, at a big truck approaching them. "Payday, already?" Daichi asks from beside him, lifting the bucket by himself until he's settled under his chin.

"Yo, Daichi!" A friendly voice calls out, followed by a slam that makes him flinch, then a short man is standing in front of them. What's left of his hair is white, and very pretty, like pine needles covered in snow. His teeth are all but gone as he smiles at Daichi, then at him, "Who's this, boy?" The man asks, his accent far worse than his own could ever be, he wonders for a moment if the man is actually speaking Japanese or just mumbling out sounds that coincidentally mean something "This is my- Kouhai." Daichi says, the last word coming off of his tongue so very awkwardly that it makes Hinata laugh. He gets a glare for it, but he doesn't mind. "He been helping long? He wasn't here last time." Daichi shrugs, "Today and yesterday." The old man nods, scratching at his hunched back. "Well then, I suppose introductions are in order before I pay the boy." He steps back as the older man steps forward.

"You got a name?" He asks, and he nods silently. _Name. Name. Name._ "Uh- Hinata Shouyou." The old man nods, "I knew a couple're Hinatas in my day. All of 'em got wild hair, though." He's frozen in fear as he deciphers the old man's words, _Wild. Orange wild?_ He doesn't ask. "Nouka Mao, you can call me gramps, though." He will not be doing that. _Ever,_ he decides, looking over at Daichi wondering if he's ever called this man _gramps,_ but Daichi is gone, he wonders how someone can move silently with a bucket of peas in their arms, but his attentions is brought back to _gramps._ "You like farming?" Nouka asks, his snowy eyebrows rising minutely. He shrugs one shoulder, "I've never been on one until yesterday." Which is a lie, but it was the first time he's been on a farm with the intention of farming. The old man's face lights up from his admission, and he takes half a step back, slightly frightened now. "Well, you'll meet my animals sometime then, you'll love it!" He tries not to think of cows, or his captain crying, but nods around a forced smile. "R-right."

Daichi returns shortly, from around the truck, and he smiles pleasantly at the old man in front of them. "I thought you weren't coming until next week?" The old man laughs, he's not sure why, then he mumbles something as he pulls his wallet from his pocket. Handing Daichi a nice stack of bills, then his hand is being pulled open, a single one placed into his hand. _There's one thousand yen in my hand._ He's not sure what to think of that, he only did the work because he didn't want to be alone, which isn't a reason he should be rewarded for. Daichi's hand on his back tilts him into a low bow, "Thank you very much." They say in almost unison, then the old man climbs back into his truck, slamming the door so loudly he flinches a second time. He takes off, bucket of peas bouncing in clouds of dust.

"He's kind of scary." He notes once the truck can no longer be heard, Daichi laughs, the arm on his back turning into an arm around his shoulders. "He's an oddball, kind of like you." Now he _really_ doesn't want to be a farmer, "Whatever." He huffs, but snakes his sweaty arm around Daichi's equally sweaty waist. They walk back to Daichi's home, only stopping in front of the door, that he refuses to go into without Daichi going in first. _Coward._ But he finally manages to work his heavy feet into the doorway, the lights are on before the door closes this time. He's as grateful as he is embarrassed.

Daichi disappears into the spacious house, mumbles of bathing following him. He's left alone in Daichi's house for the first time, he wants to explore, maybe run around now that his captain isn't around to yell at him, he decides to make rice instead, something he's never done before. It's equally as thrilling as jumping around in his captain's home. _Two hundred grams water for everyone one hundred grams, right Sato!_ He can hear Natsu's voice as he measures water carefully, not bothering to remember what Sato had said afterwards.

He dumps the ingredients into the empty device, and it beeps to life, he blinks at it, not sure what to do now. Hinata looks in the fridge for _things,_ for Daichi of course, and not because he's nosy. It's full, like he thought it would be, some take-out boxes, a bag that has meat buns in it, a small basket of peas, some dried kelp, a lot of sauces, eggs, _not_ cow meat or any that he could recognize without having it cooked. He hums for a moment, takes out the eggs and kelp, then closes the fridge.

He doesn't find a pan that's made for omelettes, but he does find bentos, and decides to make Daichi lunch, something else he's never done. He wonders if he's going to make Daichi sick with his meal, but decides that he'll just make double sure the eggs are cooked. He makes himself one, deciding if he gets sick as well, then Daichi can't get mad at him. He's pretty sure that eggs and rice don't make a meal, so he searches the fridge, finding carrots and puts those in after cutting them. _I have no idea what I'm doing._

It would take too long to cook the mysterious meat in Daichi's fridge, so they'll just have to go without, but he does cram each of the cold meat buns into the rice, hoping it'll be less hard by the time lunch comes around. Daichi emerges with his school uniform on by the time they're wrapped up. He stares at the blank wraps for a second, almost sad that he'll never have cute dogs on his lunch again, but shrugs it off. He takes one of the bentos, holding it out for the approaching male, who takes it and stares at it as if he's never seen a lunchbox before.

"Uh- thanks." Daichi says, confused by also sincere, and it really shouldn't bring a blush to his cheeks, but it does. He scoffs, "Just thought I'd be nice. For letting me stay also-" Daichi's eyebrow raises at his stop, "I uh- Can I borrow a uniform?" Daichi blinks, scanning over his smaller frame, "Uh- I don't think... Don't you?" He almost laughs at Daichi's dumbfounded mumbling, but he really needs clothes. "Go shower." Daichi says instead of answering his previous question, he nods, scampering off to the already steaming shower.

The weirdest thing about Daichi's house, is his unscented shampoo, which makes him uncomfortable, because he's always had hair that smells like other things. _Desperate times._ He washes quickly, slinging dry sweat off his body with _non-scented_ body wash, and he's just very desperate not to be in this bathtub any longer. He shakes off water before grabbing a towel on the sink that hadn't been there before, makes quick work of expelling any water that remained on his body, and left his hair to dry as they walked to school.

Daichi hands him a set of clothes, not looking at his towel covered body, he almost laughs, because Daichi had very unfortunate locker placement that forced him to look at several sweaty boys changing at once, so he should be used to an almost naked teammate. He can almost hear Daichi sigh once he's tucked away in the boy's bedroom. The clothes are too big for him, as expected, and they kind of drape over his shoulders in a way that Kenma's didn't. He rolls up the dangling sleeves as carefully as he can without wrinkling them, they settle above his elbows, despite the thick wad of material the sleeves are quite loose. _Maybe I should lift peas too._ The pants are more tricky, but he manages to find a balance in adjusting the belt until it's biting into his hip bones, then rolling up the cuffs until his feet are visible.

Daichi laughs when he comes out, wearing brightly colored socks in heavily folded clothes. He flushes in annoyance and pulls on his volleyball jacket, zipping it up to his chin, "Shut up." He mumbles, tapping his toes into his shoes. Daichi is still laughing when they leave his house, Daichi carrying his school bag and both of their bentos. They walk more quickly than they had previously, which is kind of difficult with the excess weight he has built up with clothing alone, Daichi snickering when his eyes travel over his flapping uniform.

He pauses in front of the school doors, different than Kuroo's in every way, but fear still stops his feet from moving. He contemplates just diving through the open window next to them, but he's certain that window leads into the school's office, and would rather not risk expulsion. He faces his fear by grabbing onto Daichi's school coat, the older boy leading him inside, he's still holding onto his senpai when the reach their splitting points. "Hinata-" Daichi pauses, looking down at their connection. "I have to-" He nods back to the stairs, the set that separates the first years from the second and third years. "S-sorry." He mumbles, forcing his fingers to let go.

His captain smiles down at him, handing him one of the bentos in his hand, "You better not make me sick." Daichi says seriously, then smirks, before walking up the stairs. He walks back to the shoe lockers, putting his bento on his books before picking all of the up. The bell rings sometime after he takes his seat, and he looks around at the suddenly full classroom, spit-beard-teacher walks in later, drones on about youth and other stuff that he barely manages to catch. He takes out his mathematics book, but stares at its pages with an empty look. The rest of the day passes similarly, it's nice to be back in school, but only for the anticipation that at the end of the day, he can play volleyball.

Kageyama stands in front of his desk as soon as school is over, he blinks, wondering if the boy is going to speak. "Uh-" _This is going well._ "Uh." He calls back, smirking when Kageyama's eyebrow ticks. "You-" He nods, "Me." Kageyama frowns suddenly, more than usual. "You ran away from home." It's loud enough to draw attention from the desks surrounding his, he glares at the taller boy, "I didn't run away." He scoffs and Kageyama's face starts to squirm, like he's trying to decipher his words.

"But-" He sighs, "But."

"You-" His eyes close, "Me."

"And-" He looks over at the window. "And."

"I-" _We're on the first floor._ "I."

"Hinata-" He stands up, looks back. "Kageyama."

"Hey!" He jumps. "Bye!"

The bush is much harder than he thought it would be, but at least he's away from Kageyama.

He'll have to go back, get Daichi's bento, but that'll come when it comes. "Idiot!" Is shouted from above him, but he just walks to the gym, a head start for him. He walks to the club room, settles against it after finding it locked, and picks leaves from his hair.

"Thank you." Is called from next to him, making him jump, and then Daichi is laughing, pulling a key from his pocket. "It was good. I didn't think you could could." He snorts, "I've never done it before." Daichi pauses at that, "Maybe you should be a chef instead of a farmer." He smiles at that, pulls of Daichi's clothes and into his volleyball stuff. Noya-senpai calls him out loudly while he's tugging on his knee pads, "Yo! Who's this?" Then he's being swarmed by the only person shorter than him.

"Uh-" He explains brilliantly, "Shouyou?" Noya-senpai exclaims, jumping back from him. He nods, quietly, watches the emotions flicker across his senpai's face, until it settles into the biggest, cheesiest smile he's ever witnessed on the older boy's face. "Taking after your senpai, eh, Shouyou?" Daichi is laughing loudly from the doorway, and his face flushes, because that had been a factor in the decision. He nods, and Noya-senpai's grin gets even bigger until his lips look ready to break.

He's pulled into a hug, it quickly turns into the libero _lifting_ him off the ground, "Say it!" The smaller boy demands, squeezing his stomach until he's gasping for air. "Senpai." He gasps out, then he's deposited on the ground. "I think you're ready for the Rolling Thunder!" Noya-senpai _pats_ his shoulder, but he's pretty sure it's bruising under the multiple slaps, then he's backing away, dropping his pants as he tries to hold a conversation. He's not sure how to feel about this since he's seen another man's penis, and touched it. He decides to feel nothing, but he will admit, his senpai has a very nice body. His face burns in mortification at that.

Kageyama decides to make an appearance once Noya-senpai is pulling on his knee pads, _I think they might be magic._ He glances down at the garments, wondering if they might glow. "Your-" He sighs almost violently, "My." Kageyama is practically twitching now, and he moves past the setter and towards the gym. As much as Kageyama has annoyed him in the past hour or so, he's kind of missed having his practice partner.

 


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things were getting too friendly around here.

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

Practicing with the team felt awesome, Kageyama had been working on a toss that stops, but was having a hard time working out how to aim it consistently. It was still fun to get the wonky tosses over the net though, Kageyama didn't seem to be having as much fun, judging from his frustrated grunts. Hinata was just glad that his setter could almost form complete sentences now, even if they were mostly notes about his spikes followed by several curses. 

"--Don't use that word, Kageyama, it's disgusting." 

"Everyone shits, idiot." 

"That doesn't mean you have to use  _that_ word." Kageyama just grunted, throwing another ball at him so he could throw it back. His spike went over the net, but he had to adjust his spike to manage it. "I think you're jumping too high." Kageyama muttered, picking up some of the balls to fill the empty cart between them. "How does someone jump too high, you jerk?" He snapped with a glare, but Suga-san decided to cut in before Kageyama could respond, "I think your jump did get higher, Hinata-- Not that that's a bad thing!" His senpai finished quickly when his glare shifted onto the other boy. 

"How'd you manage that, Shouyou?" Noya-senpai asked, interrupting Kageyama when the dark haired boy opened his mouth.  _Was I really jumping higher?_ He shrugged at the three boys that were now staring at him, "I--Kenma taught me something that's supposed to make your legs stronger. I've just being doing that." He finished lamely, tugging at his dark hair and trying not to think of the last person he said  _I love you_ to. 

"What did he teach you?" Suga asked at the same time Noya demanded to know why he was hanging out with their rival team. He sighed, then leaned forward until he was balancing on his instep, "Kenma said that walking like this helps your muscles, but you might get an ingrown nail if you don't balance carefully." He finished, feeling proud for remembering his friend's words. Suga ducked down, staring at his legs intently as if he could see the muscles growing. "That's really neat, Hinata." Suga-san commented, lifting himself back up, silver hair bouncing with his ascent. 

"Maybe we all should do it, then we can all jump super high!" Noya proclaimed, leaning forward until he was doing it as well. "I feel taller." He commented, wobbling uneasily. "I dunno if I can walk like this, though." Hinata just shrugged, "It's kind of hard at first, I guess." Suga-san hummed next to him, but he couldn't help but notice that the silver haired boy was a fraction taller as well. "If anything, we can just scare the enemy team off." He wasn't exactly sure how walking around on their toes would scare anyone off,  _It'd probably do the opposite, actually,_ but Suga's confident smile had convinced him not to say anything. 

"Uh--What are you guys... doing?" Asahi asked, the tall ace walking towards them with a very confused face. "Shouyou is teaching us to jump higher!" Noya exclaimed, leaping up onto Asahi's back while the other boy noticed. "And how is that going?" Asahi asked, laughing quietly while attempting to balance the squirming weight on his back. "Awesome! I managed to jump onto your back easily!" The ace blinked, "But you could do that anyway..." Noya snorted, "But one day, Asahi, I'll be able to jump over you!" The ace looked very skeptical, but didn't comment further. 

"Hinata?" Daichi asked walking into their small circle sometime later, "Why are all of our teammates walking on their toes?" His captain asked, looking very confused. The entire team shifted to look at him, "Why aren't you?" Noya asked, followed by Tanaka-senpai's, "Yeah, captain,  _why aren't you?_ " Daichi blinked, face turning stony, then walked away quietly, to resume sweeping. They all shared laughs after hearing Daichi mutter to himself about their  _strange behavior._

He had just finished changing back into his --Daichi's-- uniform when Kageyama cornered him, almost glaring at him with oddly red cheeks. He blinked, before breaking into a smile, "Can I help you, Kageyama?" He asked, wondering if his setter was going to ask an actual question this time. 

"You jumped out a window!" The setter boomed, deep voice echoing off the walls he was corned into. Hinata's brows rose steadily as he nodded, "I did." He confirmed, wondering if that was all Kageyama was going to say. "And your hair is black." He nodded, _Very nice, Kageyama,_ he bit back a sarcastic response knowing that he couldn't run away when he was backed into a corner. "And your bike isn't at school." His mind blanked at that, he didn't really have a lie set up for that since nobody else had asked. "I-I lost it?" Kageyama frowned at that, but continued on with his next amazing observation. "You ran away from home." His mouth opened to snap that that wasn't true, but nothing came out.  _They can't know._ It was bad enough that Ukai and Daichi knew, but Kageyama would just be weird with that information, he was sure of it. 

"Where do you live now?" Kageyama asked, sounding almost worried. Hinata tilted his head, looking up at Kageyama's darkened face.  _This is weird._ "Uh-- around?" He wasn't sure how Daichi would feel if he went around telling people that they were living together. "You look thinner." Kageyama's voice was quieter than he'd ever heard it, "What do you care?" He snapped back, tired of being cornered by an idiot, an idiot telling him things he already knew, asking him questions he didn't want the answers to. 

"You won't play at your best if you don't eat!" The taller boy retorted, raising his voice until it was ringing in his ears. "I'm fine." He muttered, trying to push stupidly strong hands off of him, but Kageyama's fingers just tightened each time he struggled. "And I have been eating."  _A lot actually._ Kageyama's flaring nostrils meant he wasn't convinced, but he couldn't find any more energy to care, he was sweaty and Kageyama was ruining his post-practice mood. 

"Whatever." Was all the response he received before he was being tugged by his wrist, and out of the empty club room, he wondered when that had happened, but didn't dwell on it considering his shoulder was starting to ache when Kageyama decided to tug him harder to make him walk faster. "Let go of me!" He screeched, tugging back on his arm, which only made Kageyama walk faster until the school gates were in view. He was about to drop onto the floor for Kageyama to drag him when suddenly the taller boy stopped. "What do we have here?" An accusing voice called, making his captured arm tingle as Kageyama's grip got harder. 

"What are you doing here?" His setter hissed. Hinata looked up, that tone was reserved for-- "Grand King?" He asked, voice reflecting his confusion and fear openly, he hated how weak it sounded. "Just thought I'd come pay my favorite person a visit." Kageyama growled next to him, grip tightening even harder, he wasn't sure if it was his wrist or Kageyama's teeth that was making that grinding noise. "How unfortunate that I come to find that my  _least_ favorite person dragging him against his will, very unbecoming, Tobio-chan." Grand King tutted softly, shaking his head in exasperation. 

 _I'm Grand King's favorite?_ He swallowed, not sure how he felt about that.  _Scared. Glad?_ He looked up at Grand King, the taller boy winked at him, a cocky smile plastered on his perfect face. "How can this idiot be your favorite person?" Kageyama yelled, pulling up on his wrist like he was going to examine him.  _Ouch._ He was pretty sure that Kageyama just wanted to contradict anything that Grand King said,  _but we're on the same team, idiot._ He remained silent though, hoping that the situation would end with minimal violence and yelling. His ears had suffered enough from Kageyama's earlier yelling.

"Besides my Iwa-chan of course!" Grand King chirped, ignoring Kageyama's glare with practiced ease, he was left wondering how long that Grand King had been subject to Kageyama's menacing looks. "So if you could release my chibi-chan, I'd certainly appreciate it, Tobio-chan." Grand King's tone was friendly, but it still sent ice slithering down his spine. "Why should I? He's my teammate." Grand King's eyes narrowed at that, and he stepped forward, towering over both of them, perfect floppy hair crafting shadows over his snake eyes. 

"You'll find listening to your senpai is your best option." The way Grand King's words were hissed didn't escape him, nor Kageyama it seemed, the taller boy's hand now shaking on his. With rage or fear, he couldn't figure out. "I'll even walk him home." An offer, a perfect smile, teeth shining in the dark filling his head with flashes of Tokyo. He swallowed, a lump settling in his throat when Kageyama's glare ended up in him. "You're living with Oikawa?" His setter hissed, accusing him with narrowed eyes. 

"O-of course not!" He answered, tugging on his arm because he was starting to lose feeling, but Kageyama just gripped harder with his struggles. "Then why does he know where you live and I don't? Where did you run away to?" He's never known Kageyama to ask so many questions,  _Grand King's influence,_ he assumed. He just shook his head,  _probably should have asked Daichi._ "Aw, Chibi-chan, you didn't have to run away just to live with me!" Grand King called out unhelpfully, he glared at the taller boy, then sighed.  _They still can't know._

He tugged his hand away, surprised when it actually came loose from Kageyama's iron grip, then backed away from the two setters. "It's none of your business, you've never cared before!" He shouted, almost at both of them. Kageyama had never asked about his life at home, and Grand King had been ignoring him since he left for Tokyo. He stormed off, forgetting his gym clothes and bento as he started walking towards Daichi's house. Hinata almost screamed when a hand landed on his shoulder, turn around on his heel and  _almost_ punched Grand King in his stupid face. "What?" He asked, voice sounding like a whisper despite the strain he put on his vocal chords. 

"Where  _are_ you staying?" Grand King asked, voice softer than he could ever use with Kageyama. He scoffed, then turned around to walk away, Grand King's hand followed him and he couldn't shrug it off. "You're safe, right?" Grand King tried instead, probably realizing that he wasn't going to answer. He sighed, turned back to the taller boy, took in his earnest expression. He nodded, a small and barely there gesture. Grand King smiled, and he looked away. "No drug dens, right?" He asked after they continued walking, and his heart froze. "Wh-what do you mean?" 

Grand King chuckled lightly, fingers tightening on his shoulder, "Kuroo-san told me about your medication." He swallowed hard at that, "What else did he tell you?" Grand King was silent next to him, "Is there something he should have told me?" He asked, voice light but threatening. He shook his head, "No." Tried to ignore the way his throat felt full on nothing, tried to ignore the way his eyes started to itch, the ghost flashes behind his eyelids and that menacing chuckle.  _Steal my best friend?_

They walked slowly, but he's not sure why.  _I don't want him to know where Daichi lives._ He sighed, pausing on the sidewalk, annoyed when Grand King knelt in front of him. "Are you okay?" He cringed at those words, those words belonged to Kenma, not him. "'m fine." He muttered, trying to shake Grand King's hands off as they cupped his cheeks. "Why are you here?" He asked when they refused to stop. Grand King laughed, something warm and uncomfortable. "I came to see you, wasn't that obvious." _Obviously._ He nodded, "But  _why_ are you here to see me." Grand King stopped laughing, "Your mine, my chibi-chan. Boyfriends, remember?" His heart squirmed at Grand King's tone, almost caring, but he knew that Grand King doesn't --can't-- care about him; felt even worse when the only thing he could think about was Kenma when  _boyfriend_ was mentioned.  _I love you._ He never said that Grand King, only Kenma. 

"Right." He admitted, trying to keep guilt and fear and sadness from his voice. Grand King smiled brightly, teeth gleaming off the streetlights surrounding them. It would be dark soon, Daichi would be worried about him. "I should go." He tried, but Grand King's hands held onto his head. "You could stay with me." He paused, not sure how to say  _no_ without making Grand King snap. "Th-that's not a good idea-- wouldn't your parents or-- your team or something?" It was the same risk as staying with Daichi, but he didn't need Aoba Johsai making speculations, "And you live so far away!" Grand King just shrugged, hair tilted along with his head, "I want the world to know that you belong to me! And I live alone, the only person that comes over is Iwa-chan." He swallowed, recalling  _Iwa-chan's_ killer spike. 

"I can't." Grand King frowned, snake eyes narrowing at his response. "Who're you living with, Hinata?" Grand King's fingers tightening against his face, he could feel the dig of Grand King's nails against his skin. "W-with-- someone." The taller boy hummed, nothing like Kenma does, not with the intention to make his heart freeze. "I'll give you... a week." He blinked, "Decide?" He echoed, voice squeaking without meaning to. Grand King nodded, teeth shining like fangs coated in venom as he smiled. "I just want to know who my  _boyfriend_ is staying with, otherwise..." The threat was empty, but it filled him with dread. "O-Otherwise?" 

Grand King leaned forward, strong fingers keeping him from leaning back, "Otherwise, something might happen." He didn't have time to ask what  _something_ was before Grand King's lips were pushing against his, the older boy's tongue pushing against his frozen lips insistently. He wanted to remind Grand King that he lived around here, that people could see them, but his protests came out like choking as Grand King's tongue flicked against his. 

His feet were lifted out from under him, and then his breath was forced from his lungs as his back collided with something hard.  _A wall,_ he realized idly, trying to draw in breathe through his nose, ignoring the scent of Grand King's face, the taste of his tongue. Then they were both gone, replaced with puffs of hot air against his slick lips. "I love you, my Hinata." He gulped at the thick words, hoping that someone would stop them, but praying that nobody would see them. "You are mine, aren't you?" Grand King whispered into his neck, drawing notice that they were almost the same height while he was shoved against a wall. His mind looked over the words, the tone.  _Dangerous._ He held back a whimper as his breathing started to get less effective, but nodded.  _Calm down._

"Say it." Teeth dragging over his neck with the command. He didn't think he could. _You're mine now, got it?_ "Grand King." He gasped out, wondering why his lungs weren't cooperating despite the medication. "Say it!" Louder, harsher, two sets of teeth digging into his shoulder. Hinata whined, trying to pull away but could feel his skin burning as he did. "Hurts." He tried, pushing his hand against Grand King's shoulder. Flash of dark hair then Grand King's eyes were staring into his, hypnotizing and dark. "Say it, please." Grand King's was soft again, pleading almost. "Yours." He cried before he could shut his mouth. 

Grand King growled against him, "God, the things I-- you make me want to do." Wetness climbed his throat, lapping up sweat and fear, leaving behind spittle. He shuddered, a patch of ice against his too hot body. "I need you." He's not sure what that means, he's already  _belongs_ to Grand King, he's in his arms, he's lapping at his neck. "Can I have you?" He blinks, trying to find a meaning that won't come when his brain is this hot. He nods, caught up in Grand King's warmth.  _A better sun than me._

"Let me have you, Shouyou." His head freezes with the use of his given name, it sounds weird coming from Grand King, oddly impersonal but also invasive. "Say it." Grand King groans into his neck, biting into the flesh until he can feel the skin break. He whines loudly, hissing as something hot slides down his exposed flesh,  _I'm bleeding._ He jerks back, trying to grab at the wound, but a strong grip sends his arm into the wall. He slides down slightly, the rough wall crackling against his back and scratching at skin where his shirt and jacket slide up. "Grand King." He hisses, a warning. His arm is released, strong hands settle against his hips, pushing him back up until their eyes are level again. 

"Please, Shouyou." Grand King gasps, voice raspy and deep. Scary. "Yours." He confirms, not sure what Grand King wants him to say, too scared to wonder. "Promise?" He nods, wondering why Grand King is being so insistent, like he knows that he's been _disloyal,_ with his confession to Kenma, their affection and shared touches. He swallows the memories down,  _I can't ruin them._ Grand King's fingers tug against his pants, the loose material sliding until it's stuck on his knees. He shudders against the warm summer air, feeling frozen as he's exposed. "Wh-what are you?" Grand King just chuckles, "You're mine." 

"We're outside!" He hisses, looking around with shaking eyes. Nobody is around, and the sky is too dark.  _How long have we been here?_ "I need you." Grand King gasps, he flinches back as teeth start grazing his throat again. "We're outside." He gasps into the sky, Grand King's head pushing against his chin, pressing rough lips and teeth until he's sure there's no skin left on his neck. Only bruises and blood and pain. "I want to fuck you." His heart, brain, and blood freeze. 

"We're both boys!" He screeches, slapping at Grand King's shoulders now, trying to jerk away from hard bites and roaming hands. Grand King's chuckle sends bile racing up his throat, "Not a problem." Then hands, hot like they've been sitting in fire, roll under his thighs, over his butt. He jumps in Grand King's grasp, away from the touches. "I--I don't? We can't?" He's confused, cold and hot, burning and so, so scared.  _Kenma._ He needs the older boy, but he's scared to think about him, betraying him, because that's what he's doing, letting Grand King see him like this. 

"But you're mine, right?" Snake eyes settle on him, glaring but not, forcing him to nod. "It'll feel good, I'd never hurt you. Promise." He's not convinced, Grand King is hurting him right now, his neck is bleeding and he's shaking in fear. "You believe me, Shouyou?" He nods immediately, fearing repercussions for his hesitation. "I love you." Growled into his lips, Grand King's chest pushing against him until the wall behind him starts to burn into his skin. "Do you love me?" He nods. 

"Say it." 

"I love you, Grand King." 

Grand King growls at the nickname, but doesn't comment. His hands roam back there again, pushing and squishing until he's squirming in pain. "Why are you--?" His question is interrupted by pain shooting up his spine. "What the fuck!" He screams, jerking away from Grand King's fingers. The older man laughs quietly into him, "Please trust me, Shouyou, it'll hurt if you don't." He's not sure if it's a threat, but he stills, his body twitching as he becomes more aware of the roaming fingers. One of them  _entering_ him. He feels sick again, but he's sure Grand King would actually hurt him if he threw up right now. 

"That's disgusting." He comments, burying his head into Grand King's shoulder, scratching at the bright letters under his hands. "This is how men have sex, didn't you know that?" He did not know that,  _Grand King isn't a virgin._ It shouldn't seem likes news, "Have you--?" He hisses, clenching around invasive thickness. Grand King sighs against his ear, "A few." He's not sure how many  _a few_ is for Grand King to want to do  _this_ against a wall, with him. "Why me?" He asks, half a whisper but he needs to talk because he'll vomit if he doesn't. 

"I love you." Answered like it explains anything.  _My family doesn't love me, why would you?_ "Why?" Right into Grand King's ear, he can feel it's warmth without touching it. "You're perfect." He laughs this time, "You don't have to lie." Grand King was many things, but he hadn't lied to him before. Grand King pulls back, frowning. The dry tugging inside of him stops. "You really don't see it?" Asked like he's stupid. He scoffs, "Have you seen me?" Not that he hates himself, even if he does, he's not perfect. Could never be perfect. Loving men, being touched by them, he was a--  _freak._ Grand King pulls away from him,  _out_ of him, he's settled onto the ground, his feet are numb and unsteady. 

"I-- I love you." He's heard it so many times from Grand King, but this is the first time there's feeling in it. He opens his mouth to question the words and the tone, but pauses when Grand King steps back, finally giving him a good look of the taller boy. His floppy, perfect hair is messy now, out of place, more so now that he's tugging at it with large strong hands. "How can you not see it?" An uneven voice, but Grand King's voice is always perfect, always with purpose and conviction. Tears glisten under the orange light over them, he swallows hard at that.  _Grand King is too perfect to cry._ He steps forward, and Grand King jumps back like he's made of fire. 

"How can you not see it?" It's low, seething, full of  _anger._ "You're so--"  _So what?_ Grand King growls, lost for words like Kageyama is, "I'm so?" He says, wondering if it would have the same effect. "Amazing." He pauses, steps back against the wall. "Stop."  _Liar._ Grand King looks up, away from him now, he gets a good look of the taller boy's face, glowing orange.  _Like the sun._ But his chocolate eyes are soft and glistening with tears.  _I made him cry._ There's pain twisting in his gut now. 

"I'm short." He comments, reason enough for why he isn't  _that._ Grand King looks down, "It's perfect." He shakes his head, he knew Grand King wasn't stupid,  _why is he doing this?_ "I'm bad at volleyball." As much as he hated to admit it, Grand King was so much better than he was. "You try, you get better everyday."  _Stupid._ "I'm not smart." Grand King smiles, like he's pleased to contradict him. "I think you're smart, cute, your jump is like-- what is it you say?  _Gwaah?_ You're so bright, and caring. You gave  _me_ a shot, so I know that's true."  _What does that mean?_ He's asking before he can stop, "You wouldn't give you a chance, you're The Grand King!" 

Grand King just smiles, "They-- They don't understand. Those guys and girls, they just-- They see my face and they. They don't know me, they just want me." He's not sure what that means, but Grand King's expression is pleading, and sad, he just nods. "But you-- You just. You look up at me, you see through me." He begs to differ, he can't explain anything that Grand King does, can't even begin to understand. "I've teased you, made fun of your team, I wanted to hate you--" He stops, perfect lips quivering, the blood on them doesn't take away from it. "You make me-- Alive." 

"I don't understand." Grand King nods, looking almost broken with his admission. Then he's offering him a hand, he takes it hesitantly. "I'm sorry." He's not sure why Grand King would apologize, "You're perfect, Grand King." He says, for his own benefit, a reminder, because Grand King already knew that. The hand around his tightens, then there's an empty laugh that makes him jerk back. "Maybe you are stupid." He scoffs, punches at Grand King's stupid arm, but the older man just laughs. 

"I'm not a genius, I-- I have to work hard everyday just to keep up with that idiot." Grand King is growling, so he doesn't comment on how he called Kageyama a genius and an idiot in the same sentence. "That's why you're perfect!" He chirps, ignoring the pulsing pain in his butt and neck, because Grand King isn't scary when he's being dumb. "I almost lost my leg trying to keep up. I almost ruined everything, lost everything." He almost laughs, he didn't think someone so talented would hate himself. 

"I think I get it." He comments, interrupting the rambling setter next to him. Grand King looks down at him, eyes wide, "I'm sorry, Hinata." He's still not sure what for. "Why?" He asks quietly, Grand King shouldn't have to apologize, ever. Perfect people don't do that. "I almost-- well, I did. I forced you-- almost  _raped_ you." He swallows at the tone, the self disgust. "I let you." Grand King nods, but doesn't look convinced. "I just wanted you to myself, a sun of my own." 

He scoffs, tugs at his dark bangs, "I'm not the sun." He says seriously. Grand King just chuckles, releases his hand to pet his head, he jerks away from the touch. "I caused that, didn't I?" Grand King asks quietly, shame in his tone almost palpable. "Caused what?" He just doesn't like to be touched there. "You didn't flinch the first time I touched your head, and said those things." _Height, Girl troubles, daddy issues perhaps?_ He hadn't forgotten, would never forget. He didn't blame Grand King, Grand King was perfect.

"I'm sorry." He growls this time, "Stop apologizing!" Grand King's hand jerks away from his head, his whole body distancing away from him, he laughs at the shock on Grand King's face. "Scaredy cat!" He calls out, then Grand King is rushing towards him, but he's ducked from the grasping arms. Grand King catches him though, with his next lurch forward, long arms latching onto him and lifting him up, "Don't apologize to me." He whispers into Grand King's neck. "Except for biting me, because that kind of hurt." 

Grand King just chuckles, "Sorry-Sorry, I'll never apologize again, I promise!" He chirps, then he's put back on the ground. Grand King stares at him, not with snake eyes, not with his serious face, he's smiling, open and honest and perfect. "I want you." He flinches at the words, scared again, despite Grand King's apologizes. "But-- I want to do it right. No more--" He licks the blood away from his lips, blanches at the flavor. "No more hurting you." He wants to say that Grand King couldn't hurt him, he'd promised not to, but his body aches so he says nothing. 

"I want it, want to touch and explore. I want to have you in every way. I want you to be mine forever but..." His intense tone trails into hesitation, "But?" He comments, getting a glare for his efforts. "But I'm scared." His brows furrow at that, "Grand King really is a scaredy cat." He comments, more to himself, getting wordless exclamation at his words. "I was scared." He admits, and Grand King stops talking, stops breathing by the looks of it. "I'm--" Watches Grand King's perfect Adam's Apple move in his throat. "I'm  _not_ sorry." There's a grin, bright teeth with no ill intentions. 

"I wanted you so bad that I lost control. I didn't want to hurt you, I wanted to give you everything, so you wouldn't run-- like they did." He almost vomits at that, people running from Grand King because they could or couldn't get  _that._ "I'm sorry." _Being perfect isn't all it's cracked up to be._ He means it, Grand King, who works hard at volleyball and loves too strong, being used. The word slut comes to mind, insisting as he tries to push it away. "That's why I love you, Hinata." 

"Grand King..." The older boy looks down, frowning, "Please don't call me that, I'm not Grand, or a King." He nods, but he doesn't mean it, Grand King would always be those things to him. "You don't scare me anymore." That's the truth, and Grand King smiles, honestly, something different, with dimples and gums showing, those are perfect and pink. "Just don't go spreading rumors, or I'll hurt you." He's seen Grand King's serves, knows what those arms can do, knows what his words can do. 

"Let me walk you home." It's a request, like Grand King's confidence has faltered. He snorts, but offers the taller boy his hand, watches as the large fingers wrap around his hand, swallowing it gently. They walk away from the wall, away from where they almost-- He shakes his head. He thinks he could come to love Grand King like he loves Kenma, if he stays like this, if this isn't a game. 

He prays harder than he thinks he should that this isn't a game, a sick joke that Grand King is playing. "You know, Iwa-chan and I used to walk home like this." He's not sure what  _like this_ means, but he just nods, "Were you two--?" Grand King laughs, "Nope. He doesn't like me, but he likes middle blockers more." Hinata tries to think of Aoba Johsai's middle blocker, but can't think of a name. Grand King is staring at him, "Wh-what?" Grand King starts laughing, and his face explodes in color. "You mean he--" Grand King nods, he wants to die. "He's kind of scary, why would he like someone like--?" He swallows. "Iwa-chan and I have a lot in common. He  _was_ going to ask you out, I almost strangled him." Grand King is chuckling, "I even teased him about asking you out." He pouts, "That wasn't very nice." Grand King just shrugs, "The thought of sharing you, my Hinata, I wanted to hurt him. For the first time in a long time, I wanted to  _hurt_ someone. "Grand King's tone is darker now, indefinitely so. 

His throat tightens, "I'm yours now, you don't have to hurt him." He means  _anyone,_ but Grand King smiles down at him. He pauses in the street, there's no more lights to light their path and Grand King's words are forcing thoughts into his head,  _Grand King would hurt Kenma._ Kenma was smart, but Grand King was big and fast and maybe just as smart.  _What would he do to Kuroo?_ He doesn't want to think about it, the violence not bothering him as much as the thought of  _Kuroo_ does. "It's kind of empty around here." Grand King comments, pulling him from blinding light and mocking laughs. 

"I--"  _I'm scared of the dark._ He doesn't want to say it out loud, because Kuroo could appear, could show Grand King the pictures. They'd kill each other, and he'd be alone in the dark. "Come on, Hinata, gotta get you home." Grand King is tugging on his hand but his feet are stuck to the ground. "It's just the dark."  _That doesn't help._ He swallows, his hand is sweating against Grand King's now, it feels gross. "You're not scared are you." He wants to scream, he shouldn't be. Grand King would ask, and he would know, and he can't breathe anymore. 

"Hinata?" There's eyes in front of his, chocolate and red, shining in the dark. "I am." He gasps, "I'm scared." He whines, pushing against Grand King because Kenma isn't here, would never be here. "I'm stupid, scared of the dark like a kid." Grand King is silent, but his arms wrap around him, stroke at his back like Kenma does. "It's okay, Hinata." He doesn't believe it, there's too much darkness, too many corners for Kuroo to jump out of, calling him what he is, forcing him to do those things.  _Whore._

"Tell me where to go, I'll keep you safe." Grand King promised, but his entire body is shaking and he can't answer, Grand King has scared him for so long. Threats and words, bruises that burned him. He points in the direction of Daichi's house. Grand King grunts, throwing him up until he had a better grip, then wind is racing in his hair. His eyes clench closed when they start to itch, but tears are escaping and running down his cheeks.  _I'm weak, and Kenma isn't here._ Grand King couldn't be strong for him, couldn't make him feel safe like Kenma could. 

Grand King asks for more directions until they end up at the last house, there's lights coming from the windows, but the door is cast in darkness. Grand King puts him on the ground, even when he grabs and claws at him. He can't be alone now! "They'll probably ask questions if I stay." Grand King says, an excuse coming from his pouting lips. "I'm sorry, Hinata, please don't cry." He's being pushed towards the door, but he can't knock. Grand King walks away, not looking back at him. 

He slides against the door, an immobilizing fear settles over him as he watches Grand King walk away. He's alone now, no Kenma, no Grand King.  _No family._ He's sobbing now, hating himself for doing so, but nobody will hear, so he lets himself break down. _Only once._ He promises to himself. Daichi wouldn't get worried, Daichi would get mad at him for being late, for getting his shirt blood and wrinkled. His breathing isn't working like it should, lungs empty despite the choking heaves. He hits his head against the door, forcing his fear away from him.  _I'm not scared._ His entire body screams  _Liar,_ but he needs to believe it. 

His blood runs cold when the door opens, can  _feel_ shadows and Kuroo's touch ghost over him. He screams over calls of his name, continues screaming even when warm weight forces his lips closed. "Hinata!" Not-Kuroo screams into his face, his eyes snap open, and tears escape more steadily. He's being lifted, forced and manhandled through the darkness. He cries harder, then there's light, it's dim, but there. "What's wrong?" Urgently asked directly above his face. He jerks back from the tanned skin because Kuroo has tanned skin, but not that voice. "Please don't." He begs, voice hoarse for screaming, but he's ready to scream more.

"It's Daichi, please stop crying." It's too soft to be true, Daichi doesn't live in the dark. "Kuroo--" He gasps out, trying to push away that too close face. "No!" When hands land on his shoulders, curling up when they pull away. The presence leaves, and he lets his eyes close. Then his eyelids are burning, he opens them. 

"It's Daichi." He nods, looks away from his captain, looking for darkness and shadows and flashing lights. His heart slows when he finds those things absent from the room, "Hinata." The thick voice of his captain draws his attention, Daichi looks mad again, mad at him. He starts shaking when his captain moves forward, flinches when arms wrap around him, swallowing him. "Not a whore." He whispers to himself, Daichi hums quietly from above him. "No, you're not." The older boy confirms, then everything is fading. 


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

Daichi is awake before he is, the older's boy gaze is pinning him where his arms fail to squish him into the mattress. "Hinata." His captain's voice is so, so careful but it still sends spears rattling down his spine in fear; he can't blame Daichi, he's trying to do his best, but Daichi could never understand. Hinata remains silent, hoping to prolong and count the moments where his life is ruined, where his captain doesn't hate him and kick him out. He suddenly realizes how short this stay would be, he already knew that he couldn't stay with Daichi forever, he was sure he'd last at least a week.

"I'm going to ask you some questions." His fake sleeping was clearly not convincing enough, or Daichi was too observant, he's not sure which one he need to work around more. "Or, I'm going to call the police." He freezes. Daichi was going to have him arrested. "If you lie to me..." _I'll call the police._ He nods, the first sign of his consciousness, and then opens his eyes. Daichi is hovering over him, he feels exposed, a first with his captain.

"Where did you go after practice?" He bites on his lip, "With Kageyama." It's the truth, some of it, Daichi knows that, might have seen it. "Did Kageyama bite you?" He shakes his head, feeling dazed all of a sudden. "Can you tell me who bit you?" Shakes his head again. Daichi sighs, his body sags like he's falling asleep, his captain's forehead settles against his. "Were you-?" He wants to comment with _was I?_ like he does with Kageyama, but that might get him hit, because Daichi isn't bad with talking like Kageyama is. Hinata would ever go so far as to say that Daichi was _too_ good with verbal communication.

"Did Kageyama see who did this to you?" His heart stills at that, but he nods slowly, trying to tilt his head away from his captain. The weight of Daichi's head doesn't allow much movement, the older boy leans forward until it starts to hurt. "Sorry." He gasps out, but Daichi growls at him and he stops talking. "Hinata, did they hurt you?" He's certain that Daichi is talking about more than his neck, more than his feelings probably. He shakes his head, ignores the scratches across his thighs and the burn _there._ "I'm fine." It's almost the truth, he'd rather just not talk about it, ever.

"Don't be mad at me." He pleads, but Daichi is silent, and the weight on his body is still crushing him. "I'm trying to understand, please just- let me think." He nods against Daichi's skull, swallows an apology. Daichi is rough and warm on top of him, wanting to help even if he really, really doesn't want it. _Grand King apologized, but this still looks really bad._ His neck is throbbing in time with his pulse, his eyes are red, and he did end up at Daichi's door screaming, bleeding, and crying. Two of those things could be blamed on the dark, but he couldn't explain why the dark had caused those reactions.

"Were you raped, Hinata?" He jumps when Daichi speaks so suddenly, but he's shaking his head as soon as Daichi's stops weighing his down. Tears start to prick at his eyes at the thought that _that_ could have happened. _Grand King apologized. Everything is fine._ He just can't voice these thoughts for some reason, the pills would help some, but it could make things even worse if he couldn't control the names he spilled out. "Was it someone you know?" He nods. "Someone I know?" Another nod, Daichi sighs, looking like he might make a list of the people they both knew. "Someone on the team?" He shakes his head, Daichi frowns, Hinata thinks he shouldn't be, but that does take quite a few number of people off the list.

"Boy or girl?" He frowns, he doesn't know many girls in the first place, Daichi was trying to make him crack. "Boy." He whispers. Daichi nods, their heads almost colliding, "Are they tall?" He glares, everyone is tall to him. Daichi looks sympathetic, but only for a moment. "Taller than me?" He doesn't answer, Grand King was taller than Daichi, a lot of people were taller than Daichi, not that many that were male, not on the same team, and someone they both knew. "Hinata." It's harsh, clear despite the deepness of Daichi's voice. His nod sends tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I can't tell you, please don't make me." He pleads, not sure what would happen, Grand King was close to hurting his own friend over him, he wouldn't react well to Daichi's snooping and accusing as lightly. Daichi sighs like he's been living for too long, but nods. "I shouldn't force you." He doesn't like that word, but he nods as well, "Thank you." Daichi's grip loosens on his arms, his captain lowers down until he can't breath. He thinks he can feel Daichi crying. He stays still, hoping that he'll stop existing, that Daichi will stop asking questions. "Are you okay?" It's muffled into the pillow they're now sharing, but Daichi's mouth is close to his ear that he can make out the words, _Kenma's words._ He nods, "It's nothing." It's _almost_ nothing, _Grand King apologized._

Daichi doesn't believe him, "There's a chunk missing from your neck, you end up on my porch screaming in the middle of the night- You'd have slept out there if I hadn't heard you, wouldn't you?" He's pretty sure that the question is rhetorical, they both know that he would have, that he had done it once before already. "And you said someone's name last night." Daichi adds as an afterthought, the words make his heart freeze, frantically trying to recall the blur that was yesterday.

He's slammed back into the mattress by biting hands, "Did Kuroo-san do this to you?" His voice is dangerous and quiet. He shakes his head, Kuroo did _something_ to him, but Kuroo didn't bite him. _Whore._ "Kuroo didn't do this." He promises, Daichi nods. "Are you lying, Hinata?" He shakes his head until tears are rolling into his hair instead of down his chin, "He didn't do anything, I didn't want it!" He cries out and Daichi pulls back. "What didn't you want?" His captain's voice is soft and uneven, like he's scared. Hinata can't figure it out. "He told me to stay away." He admits before he can deny anything.

"From?" Begging, pleading, warm and rough fingers petting at him, praising him for crying. He feels sick now. "Kenma." Daichi looks confused, _he should be._ "The setter?" He nods, crying harder now that it's out there. That Daichi knows something he shouldn't. _Everyone will see._ Daichi is pulling away and he follows. "Don't say anything, please." His captain frowns at him, but doesn't move away. "He has- pictures." He doesn't say of what, not when Daichi tries to coax it from him.

Eventually Daichi gives up, holds onto him, the clock tells him that Daichi should be working, picking pea plants until it's time for school, but the older boy doesn't move, keeps his big arm around him until he's calm. It takes a while for his body to stop shaking, he feels scared and ashamed. "You can't tell anyone." Turns back to make Daichi promise, but his captain is giving him a hard look, like he wants to object, to scream at him for being an idiot. _I already know that._ "Someone needs to know."

"You know." _Too many people know._ Daichi snorts, a ghost of a smile against hard features. "An adult." He shakes his head, then his whole body shakes. Daichi's arm tightens. "Nobody can know, he'll show everyone, tell everyone-" He chokes on his own breath, scared of what happens if Daichi doesn't promise. "We can fix this." _We._ He's not alone, no family but not alone. He should feel warm. "No adults, if he- if Kuroo finds out, he'll send them out." Daichi nods, face stony and full of conviction and promise.

"You have leaves in your hair." _Oh._ It was a random thing to point out, but he nods, almost smiling. "I jumped out a window." Daichi blinks, gives that old-man sigh again, then closes his eyes. "You jumped out of Kuroo's window?" He frowns, "Kuroo didn't do this." Daichi's eyes open.

"A friend of Kuroo's?" He flinches at the implication, _steal my best friend,_ he's not sure if Grand King and Kuroo know each other, _He said he'll send it to Grand King._ He chews on his lip as he thinks about it, how Kuroo could know that Grand King _loved_ him. _One man not good enough?_ He shakes his head. "No." He confirms, Daichi nods, eyes closing again.

"Shouldn't you be working?" Daichi takes a while to respond, Hinata is sure that the older boy had fallen asleep again, "We- And no." He blinks at that. _We._ He's never had a job before. He shrugs, lets Daichi comfort him until they're both sated.

Daichi wakes him up again with too much strength and stares, "Let's go." Then everything is gone, and he's alone. He sits up, and crawls over his pills when Daichi leaves to take a shower, he's glad that there was nothing left to talk about or he'd never shut up, and Daichi would probably jump out of the window himself to murder Grand King and Kuroo, and maybe Kageyama. He takes water from the kitchen sink to wash down an all too familiar chalkiness. Memories of home are an uncomfortable weight in his stomach, he tries to make them disappear, but he can almost hear Natsu and Sato as he starts the rice cooker. It beeps in service and then he digs through fridge again, kelp, eggs, soy sauce, and the weird meat are pulled out.

He washes Daichi's bento while the pan heats up, smashes eggs against the pan, sending shell shards everywhere, he's not sure how Natsu does this. The eggs in the pan is the most he can really ask for, _second time cooking,_ he counts, _second day in Miyagi without being home._ He'd like to think of Daichi's house as his home, even if it's only a temporary thing, but something he can't name is stopping him from doing so. He slices strips of the mystery meat, they're awkward and don't look appetizing, he tries to convince himself it's because of how raw the meat is.

"Still ugly." He sighs when the meat has turned brown with soy sauce and kelp. Frowns at it, he still has no idea what it is, but is kind of scared to try it. _If I die, Daichi dies with me._ He probably shouldn't be experimenting with a teammate's diet this way, but cooking is kind of exciting, fire and flicking pans. He finds another bento in one of the cupboards he can reach, a pink wrapping stuffed into it. _Did Daichi have a sister?_ He supposed it could belong to Daichi's mother, but the little cartoons on the side made that seem unlikely. He tries to organize the bentos as neatly as possible, but the meat soaks into the rice no matter where he puts it, and a soy soaked egg was much worse than soy soaked rice. He ends up just pouring the rest into his, not really caring because organizing a lunch box should not be difficult.

Daichi emerges from the hallway dripping wet and only in a towel. He blinks at his captain, stares at his exposed skin, wondering if he could be attracted to anybody not Kenma. "Smells good." Daichi comments, and Hinata is left to wonder if the smell had drawn his captain out of his shower prematurely. "Oh, I guess I could have made breakfast, while the pan was hot." All of the dishes were cleaned now, dripping with water like Daichi is now. "I'll buy you something." Daichi says easily, turning back, probably to wash the bubbles from his hair.

"Not meat buns!" Is called from the hallway before a door is slammed, he frowns, kind of hoping the meat is toxic and will kill Daichi. _I can offer mine to to Tsuki- or Kageyama... So many options._ He contemplates them as he waits to shower, decides to text Kenma when Daichi starts taking too long.

**"Kenma"**

**"I'm sleeping."**

**"You cant text and sleep"**

**"Yes, I can."**

**"You cant say i love you if you sleeping"**

**"If I say it can I go back to sleep?"**

**"Love isnt a deal, you jerk"**

**"Is that a no?"**

**"Say it"** _Say it._ He wants the text back.

**"I love you, Shouyou. Good night."**

He checks the time to make sure that it's actually morning, left slightly confused when it is morning. He grabs _Animal Crossing_ from his bag, ignores the picture of Natsu, ignores the pills, and effectively his problems. Until Daichi walks into the room, wet and dripping but lacking bubbles. And a towel. He adverts his eyes until he's in the safety of the already steamy bathroom, tries to purge his brain by shampooing roughly, ignores the sting in his neck as water rips the clotted blood from his skin.

He puts on his borrowed clothes, stares down at his club jacket thoughtfully, because it wouldn't cover his neck, and it was too warm for a scarf. Daichi was calling his name, threatening to leave without him by the time he made a conclusion on his predicament.

"What are you wearing?" Daichi comments as soon as he's in view. "Clothes. Little roomy if you ask me." He retorts, offering his captain a rather innocent smile. Daichi sighs, "I was talking about this." Plucks at the jacket -Daichi's club jacket- that's currently zipped up and covering the majority of his body. "You can still change into your's, we're not that far." He glances back at Daichi's house, still looming over them. "I could." Then back down as he pulls out _Animal Crossing._

 _So many weeds._ He decided to introduce Daichi to Kageyama-cat, Daichi thought the cat was rude and should probably learn some respect. He was inclined to agree. They walk to school quietly, he's not sure of the pace since his attention is pulled onto flowers and fruit. "Good Morning, Daichi!" Someone calls out, and he looks up, then back down. "Good morning, Hinata-kun." He's pretty sure Suga-san hasn't used an honorific with him in a while, decides that virtual animals are his priority for now. He mumbles something that he can't even make out, but Suga-san is laughing so he must have used an actual sentence.

"Daichi said you made him lunch yesterday, and you're wearing his jacket today, something I should know about?" Suga-san sounds so innocent and curious. He glares up at the silver haired boy, face flushed completely. _I've seen things you wouldn't believe you stupid jerk._ He hisses at the older boy but Daichi is holding him back from actually jumping at him. "My-my, I didn't think Hinata would get so defensive over a crush." Daichi almost lets him go, _almost._ He's not sure he likes being on the end of Suga's teasing side.

"It's nothing." Daichi confirms, using his _captain_ voice. Suga's smirk is more telling than his silence, he focuses back on his game, maybe mashing buttons too hard. "What do you want for breakfast?" Is asked along with a nudge to his shoulder. "Whatever you're having." He mumbles as he decides if his house would look better covered in pink or red flowers. _This is probably the most important decision of my entire life, don't fuck it up._ He decides on pink, because strawberry pocky is delicious, not that he eats flowers.

 _My life is ruined._ He decides, saving and closing the game, with only Suga-san to look at while Daichi purchases them breakfast. "So-?" The silver haired boy asks once he notices he's being stared it. "So?" He calls back, Suga-san smirks, something fox-like that sends chills up his spine. "Want to explain why you're wearing Daichi's clothes?" He looks away, "Nope." Can _hear_ the older boy smiling.

Daichi returns after a too long silence, offering both of them a few objects. _Green tea and protein and... coffee in a can._ He's never seen Daichi in the mornings before, he's not sure if coffee is his tradition, or if this is new. "Thank you very much." He offers with a bow, trying not to sound as confused as he feels. "Thank you, Sawamura-kun." Daichi flinches at the name that Suga calls him, and he's holding back a cackle at his captain's expression. _I've never heard someone at school use Daichi's name before. Daichi has a Family name._ He's pretty sure he's dreaming at this point.

"Uh- R-right." Daichi mumbles, an odd expression on his face. They all open their coffee in sync. He's never had coffee before, especially not coffee in a can. It smells bitter, but so does Kageyama, and Kageyama is good at volleyball. _Genius coffee._ He swallows the whole can at once.

Daichi is staring at him with raised eyebrows and an open mouth. "I've never had coffee before." He admits, "It'll make me good at volleyball!" He screams, feeling very hyped all of a sudden. Daichi sighs for an impressive amount of time but he's focused on Suga-san's laughter, _different than usual._ Then his teammates are staring at him, _I thought out loud._

"You're still doing it." Daichi comments, he decides not to think. It's easier than he thought it would be, too focused on watching his fingers tremble. "Are you okay?" _Kenma's words._ Coming from Suga-san, who blinks at him with a hard to read expression, especially since everything is jumping. "I'm great! What's better than great?" He's not sure, _very great!_ He grabs onto Daichi so the world stops hopping then realizes that it's him that's doing the hopping. "I feel like I'm going to regret this." Daichi is attempting to stop him from being the best rabbit he can be, _very rude,_ he thinks but Daichi just sighs, rubbing at his face. _Tired old man._

He's pretty sure that he can read minds by the time lunch comes around, Kageyama is at his desk before the bell rings. "You're gonna ask about Grand King!" He chirps, his seat vibrating very rudely; he pulls _Animal Crossing_ from Daichi's pocket, and starts replacing all of the pink flowers with red ones. "Nothing happened. It's fine. More than fine, I'm great by the way, how are you?" He doesn't wait for Kageyama to answer, because he knows what his teammate is going to say, "You're fine. Then you're gonna ask why Grand King showed up."

"I dunno! Life is full of I dunno sometimes, you know, Kageyama?" He jumps up from his seat and then runs out of the room without another word, runs into each classroom looking for someone that draws his attention, runs into Yamaguchi instead. "Hi Yamaguchi, I noticed that you're eating food!" The taller boy's bangs flick as his head turns to face him, there's a polite smile and a nod. "Of course you are! It's lunch time, lunch time is the time for eating lunch, but who _really_ decides that lunch time happens when lunch time happens, you know?" Yamaguchi looks like he knows, gives him a smile, "Why are you here?" Is asked from not-Yamaguchi, drawing his attention to Tsukishima. "Ah! Tsuki, just the man I wanted to see. You're a pretty smart guy, right?" Tsukishima's forehead creases at the nickname, but he doesn't respond. "I didn't take you for the modest type! Ah well, I have a question for you. So, how do you think they decide when lunch time is?" Yamaguchi is laughing, he frowns at the dark haired boy, this was a very serious matter.

"Why don't you go ask someone else?" Is suggested to him by the ever-wise Tsukishima, "You're absolutely right, Tsuki-chan, the world must be asked this question, it is the most important one there is!" He's running out of class four, almost trips over someone else, and then he's apologizing and then the other person is holding him, shaking him, and smiling at him.

"Ah! Noya-senpai, say, you're a pretty smart guy right?"


	26. Chapter Twenty-Six

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

He hasn't felt this tired since Kenma set him up on his medication schedule, but he ignores the feeling because he's certain that practicing volleyball will get him fired up, Daichi had told him secretly that the Nekoma coach had gotten Karasuno invited to a big training camp. That there were really famous schools going, he couldn't bring shame to his high school because he was tired! Suga-san unlocked the club door while Daichi and Asahi were setting up the net. Suga looks like he wants to say something, and Hinata is waiting for it, but don't come before the club room door opens and he decides that anything his upperclassman has to say, can wait until he's changed into his gym clothes.

Suga-san follows him to the back of the room, which he should find strange because the silver haired boy usually changed next to Daichi near the door. "Hinata, can we talk?" It's a gentle request, like Hinata might run away unless the older boy whispered at him. He turns back, folding Daichi's jacket and folding his game inside of it. "Sure, n-what's up?" He's feeling kind of anxious under the weird look that the taller boy gives him, like Suga might yell at him. He wonders if Suga is about to challenge him to a fight.

"Are you- I mean, how are things-" Suga sighs quietly, Hinata watches his lips squirm in distaste. The older boy looks up suddenly, eyes narrowed and dangerous. Like a snake's. _Like Grand King's._ He swallows a lump in his throat, and leans away from the older boy. He's pretty sure that Suga would never hurt him, or challenge him to a fight, but he does look pretty scary right now. "Are you in a relationship with Daichi?" Hinata pauses at the question, then laughs harder than he's sure is healthy. His stomach starts to ache when he notices that Suga is glaring at him darkly.

His laughter dies off quickly, he can feel himself pouting now. "No, I-I" He pauses, looking at his socked feet so the older boy won't notice the blush on his cheeks. _I love Kenma._ "You?" Suga prompts. He smiles to himself, it's weird seeing this side of the older boy, the teasing and prying personality he's never witnessed before. "I like Daichi, he's a really good captain, and his receive is really awesome!" He realizes that that probably makes him look like a stalker who steals Daichi's clothes and admires him too strongly, "But I- I like someone else." He mumbles the last part, but Suga-san is oddly silent. He can feel the older boy's gaze on him, thinking and judging, _assessing._ A word he learned from Haruo-sensei. His smile feels sad when he thinks about the people in Tokyo that he thinks of as family.

"Is she cute?" He looks up at Suga, sharing his sad smile with the older boy. It was nice that people couldn't just _notice_ that he was in love with a boy, that a boy was in love with him. He wonders about that for a long moment. _Could I like other boys? Could I like Grand King like he likes me?_ He tries not to let his feelings towards Kenma influence his decision, because he could never love anyone the same way he loves Kenma, thankful that the boy helped him become a better person, someone that helped him be a little more happy in his own body. "Yeah." He answers. Suga makes a soft noises, he can see the older boy disappear through his inky bangs. _I need a haircut._ He contemplates letting it grow out while he changes into his gym clothes, wonders if he could pull off long hair like Asahi-san can.

Kageyama shows up when he finishes getting dressed, his new window jumping habit makes their races always lean in his favor. The taller boy glares at him, probably finding the situation completely unfair, _he could always jump too._ He waves at Suga as the older boy makes to leave, he gets a smile in return, an easy going one that makes him forget about the dark looks and low voice from earlier. He waits for Kageyama to get dressed, but regrets the decision when the dark haired boy decides to stare at him the entire time he's undressing.

He's not sure how to feel about it, but he does let his eyes wander, taking in pale skin and bruises. Kageyama's thighs aren't as impressive as Kenma's, but he's pretty sure that's more of a biased opinion than an objective observation. Kageyama's shoulders are wider than Kenma's, he doesn't think he'd like the wiggle room between their shoulders if the dark haired boy ever hugged him. Kenma's skin was oddly more attractive to him than Kageyama's a different kind of pale, he's not sure how pale skin can be different, but decides that Kenma's body is just better than Kageyama's, for no reason other than because he loves the boy from Tokyo.

Kageyama finally looks away from him after he tries to pull his knee pad over his neck. Hinata doesn't laugh because of how close they are, but he'd definitely share this moment when Noya and Tanana-senpai when the setter was out of hearing range. The taller boy dresses much more quickly after that incident, and they head into the gym together. He informs Kageyama about the training camp that Daichi had told him about, memorizes the way the setter's eyes bulge out and start burning in passion. He decides that Kageyama could almost be attractive if he could keep that facial expression up forever, staring at someone that intensely, without glaring or being creepy, would probably get the taller boy a date, if nothing else. Not that he's ever been on a date, or has any idea how girls work. _Does Kageyama even like girls?_

Hinata is pretty sure that Kageyama would rather date a volleyball than a person, which he doesn't find as weird as he probably should. They slide into the gym, pulling on their training shoes in silent tandem. He wonders if Kageyama is nervous about the training camp, if he'd be quiet like he was on the way to the pre-lims all those months ago, their first game in competition.

He thinks about all the ways that he and Kageyama have grown as volleyball partners since then; he's actually not sure about it, he's never even told Kageyama about Grand King's confession, or about his time with Kenma or about his time in Tokyo all together. Ignoring the spike of fear and guilt in his heart about Tokyo, he decides that Kageyama should at least know about Kenma, he'd probably get murdered if the taller boy found out that Grand King had confessed to him, that the mark on his neck belonged to his ex-senpai.

They practice serving for a short while, Kageyama giving him grunted instructions on how to aim more accurately. He hates it as much as he appreciates it, Kageyama is the best server on their team, but undoubtedly the worst serving teacher he's ever had. Even Yamaguchi had managed to instruct him better, despite the pinch server's reluctance to give out his jump float secrets. _No offence,_ he admits quietly, realizing he had unintentionally insulted the taller boy.

Asahi and Noya-senpai show up in the same moment, they're both laughing quietly as they pull on training shoes, Tanaka shows up a step behind, fuming and looking like he's going to be in a bad mood for a while. Hinata tries not to let guilt wash over him, wondering if the boy is still mad at him over the two meat bun incidents he's caused. Those thoughts are quickly extinguished when the shaved head turns to him and smiles, a friendly one, he notes before offering one back. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima show up after he serves two more times, both of them being easily received on the other side of the net. He's kind of just glad that they had started going over the net.

Tsukishima glares at him, but keeps his distance without making any remarks, he thinks that's kind of weird, but he's not quite complaining. Yamaguchi waves at him, which is also weird because it'd been him that started their greetings. _Did I do something without knowing it?_ He really hopes that those two hadn't heard him thinking out loud, he rubs at his neck in thought, fingers digging into the scarred flesh where Grand King's teeth had dug into his skin. _That might be it,_ he supposed, but that doesn't explain why Yamaguchi was waving at him. He decides to ignore it, tugging his t-shirt up as high as it can to cover his damaged neck, and throws another serve, he's not sure if it's the angle or the suddenness of his action that causes Noya to dive for the ball, but he's glad he managed to pull the reaction from the older boy. _Maybe Kageyama's not as bad a teacher as I thought._ He looks up at the taller boy, who nods at him carefully, then offers him another ball instead of throwing it at him.

Daichi sets up a game between their team, six on six, he's disappointed that Kageyama isn't on his side of the net, but he also accepts it as a challenge to show the other boy that he's an individual player. There's nervousness that attempts to consume him he's made to serve first instead of being in front of the net, he does a jump serve instead of the one Kageyama's been teaching him. Whoops loudly when it hits the ground instead of someone's hand, Kageyama stares at him with his fiery gaze that's usually reserved for enemy setters, mostly Grand King. His next to serves his the ground on Kageyama's court without much struggle, he thinks it's odd that they can't receive his serves, wonders if the strength he has surprises him, not as strong as his ground serve, but not as soft as a float serve. Briefly wonders how other teams would react to his awkward serving, _probably the same as our quick, but maybe with less gawking._

Kageyama makes sure the next one doesn't hit the ground, almost ramming his face into Ennoshita's as he lunges for the ball. The second year gripes at him briefly before working his way under the ball, having to set it up now that their setter can't touch it. It ends up as fowl, Tanaka spiking the ball out of bounds while Noya barks out laughter at his failure. The taller boy growls and vows his vengeance on his best friend. The next serve doesn't hit the ground either, but Kageyama isn't the one who dives for it, just ducks under it when the ball is propelled back into the air, Tanaka starts screaming as he's running up to spike, but it's Asahi who spikes it silently from the back. He thinks it's weirder seeing Kageyama serve on the other side of the net than the others from his team. _He is my rival._ The game brings back memories of his first and only game during middle school. Decides that Kageyama's face is less annoying than it had been back then.

They exchange sets back and forth, but it's Hinata's team that wins the game. And the one after that. Kageyama looks really, really mad, Hinata is pretty sure that he can see the taller boy's nostrils flaring from across the gym and decides that he'd rather not be alone with Kageyama for the rest of the night. He burdens Noya-senpai with his training, begging him to teach him awesome receives and they get caught up in the task until Daichi kicks them out of the gym.

His mood saddens when he exits the gym, he changes quickly into his uniform, unpleasantly reminded that his own is still at his mother's house, along with his bike. Kageyama doesn't comment about that as they walk out of the club room together, the taller boy looks almost on edge as they exit through the front gates like he's expecting Grand King to show up again. If Kageyama notices that he's been ditched, he doesn't say anything, Hinata rushes after Daichi and Suga-san with his empty bentos and bag. Running is a little awkward with the baggy material hanging off his frame, but he manages to catch up to his captain quickly. "Hinata." Suga nods at him from around Daichi and smiles at him, the same easy smile from earlier. He smiles back, partly because of Suga's previous accusation of him dating Daichi.

He looks up at the captain in question and tilts his head, he likes to think Daichi would be a good husband, even if he was scary at times, he'd be rough and warm and funny sometimes. He's never really seen Daichi interact with another girl besides Shimizu, which has barely happened in front of him besides greetings and other formalities. Daichi was nice enough to house him, which meant that Daichi would be even nicer to a girl -or boy, maybe. He figured that Suga-san would be the same way, but soft in ways that Daichi was rough, but still just as warm.

"Hinata is staying with me." Daichi says when the sky starts get darker, their walking too slow to escape the shadows that started to drift in. He tucks himself closer to the older boy, ignoring the fear and the way he hates himself for being scared of something stupid. Daichi doesn't comment though, just settles a rough and warm hand on his shoulder as they walk. Suga-san catches his eye from around Daichi and studies him. "Why is that?" He'd been expecting the question, but not in such a blunt manner. Daichi's hand squeezes his shoulder, Hinata wonders if he's asking for permission, he nods against Daichi's chest just in case. "He got kicked out."

Suga stops walking. So do they. The silver hair boy steps in front of him, bending down until their eyes are the same height. "Are you okay, Shouyou?" He's pretty sure that Suga hadn't called him by his given name since he met Kenma, it's a weird bittersweet memory that he thinks he likes. He likes having more memories of Kenma, ignores the sting that Kuroo had been in that same one. Kuroo who claimed him, and used him, called him names and made him scared of shadows. He swallows loudly as he nods, tries to ignored the itch in his eyes. Decided to blame it on getting kicked out instead of Kuroo. He's not sure why the other boy hurts him more than his mother condemning him. _Freak. Whore._

Breathing gets a little harder the longer the older boy stares at him, waiting for him to crack, to sob and cry and scream. He wants to do those things, just not in front of his teammates. _I'll be strong for you._ But Kenma wasn't here, so he'd have to be strong for himself, which meant no crying. Hinata offers the silver haired boy a smile, but it feels soft and broken and everything a smile shouldn't be. "I'll be fine." _Eventually._ He would be, he'd heard that people get kicked out all the time and lived happy lives alone. He didn't want to be alone.

"That's kind of common out here," Suga starts, but he's interested in exactly where _here_ is, "I never thought it would happen to anyone I know, let alone a first year." He can hear the _sorry_ in Suga's tone, and he almost offers the older boy a hug, but the dark is creeping in more steadily and he'd rather not have Suga see him crying like a baby. "I'll be fine." It's more even than his last attempt, but not quite a promise. Suga-san looks like he believes it. "I'm surprised that Daichi took you in, though." Hinata huffs in amusement, half a smile tugging at his lips. He was surprised too, but now he's glad that he didn't have to give up on his dreams in Miyagi.

"I was too," He admits quietly, "Your offer didn't surprise me as much, Suga-san." The setter laughs quietly, then starts walking. He and Daichi follow. "I couldn't have a teammate homeless, who knows what kind of trouble this one would start on the street." Daichi's voice is fond, but something else. He wonders if Daichi was scared for him, or if he's worried. He'd never known Daichi to worry as a friend instead of a captain, he thinks the gesture is warm. "You didn't tell anyone, right?" He's not sure who Daichi would tell, besides Suga, who apparently didn't know before now. "I think... I think we'd both get in a lot of trouble if an adult found out, so no. I didn't." He can't dispute that, but he does feel guilty that he might get Daichi in trouble if he stays longer.

"You're probably right." He says, but he needs to say more, thank Daichi for saving him from everything. Get him a gift or something. "Do you know you got kicked out?" It's Suga that asks, Daichi hadn't pried anything but the night he'd come home screaming. His heart stops for half a second and his throat is refusing to make words. "Yeah." Is all the answer he gives, hoping the older boy would drop it, catch onto his fear.

He doesn't.

"Tell us, Hinata?" His voice is soft and gentle, but pressing in an uncomfortable way. He wants to run but Daichi's hand clamps down on his shoulder. "Uh-" _Freak._ He tries to think of a lie, but he doesn't want to lie. His brain won't let him think of anything. " There's something wrong with me." _An anxiety disorder probably._ He hates the way his explanation comes out. _Disorder._ The word makes his stomach squirm, threatening to evacuate his lunch from his stomach. "Wrong?" _Freak. Whore. Mine._ He swallows, nodding into his captain's chest, spreading tears into the dark fabric. Clenches his eyes because strong people don't cry. "You have to promise- not to tell." Mental disorders are frowned upon in Japan, treated like scum. _Freak._

Daichi hums, it vibrates in his ear; the sliver he can see of Suga's face reveals a pout and a worried eye, the silver haired boy nods, "I promise." They both say, Hinata almost wishes that they didn't. That they'd drop this. That _this_ wouldn't be real, that he wouldn't have to tell anyone besides Kenma. That he could hide the pills, the panic attacks, the screaming and crying, hide his inability to breathe. _Just a little longer,_ he wishes for that. But the older boys stop walking, can feel two pairs of eyes on him, asking, judging, prying.

"I'm-" _a freak, a whore, a slut._ "I have a-" _disorder, I'm broken and weak._ He buys time by wiping hot tears from his eyes, dabbing at the with sleeves that aren't his. "I have an anxiety disorder." He says, all at once. There's no light feeling, no weight lifted from his shoulders as he shares with his teammates. He chokes down a sob, waiting for their reactions, but they just keep walking. _They hate me, Daichi is gonna kick me out and never talk to me again._ "Is that all?" Suga asks, as if there could be more, more problems for him to handle without Kenma.

"I have to take medication for it, and I didn't even know about it- for years." He's not sure how long, it feels like forever since eating rice at his mother's house didn't require large glasses of water or skipping meals. "What kind of medication?" It's Daichi that asks this, almost an accusation, asking if he's taking it or if it's even available. "I dunno the name of it, I got a refill for it in Tokyo." Daichi hums, like he's appeased at that information. Hinata thinks he probably is, for whatever reason. "Things are different now, but old families still look down on it." The way Suga explains it like an apology doesn't escape him, it puts a bitter taste in his mouth, he doesn't want Suga to apologize for something that's not his fault, or his problem.

"If you ever need anything..." He's not sure what he could need, if he'd even feel comfortable asking Suga-san for anything, he knows that the older boy would do it, would take on a burden because he's broken. He doesn't want that. "We can help you." Hinata isn't sure how Daichi feels about being volunteered for more than housing him, but the dark haired man remains silent, still holding on his shoulder. "I get panic attacks, the pills help with them, and I can't breathe. I hate loud noises. I'm scared of the dark..." It all sound horrible out loud, and stupid. _Hinata Shouyou scared of the dark, what an idiot._ He wonders if he should even be calling himself a Hinata anymore, but he pushes that aside, thinking he has enough to deal with at the moment.

"How do you handle the panic attacks?" Suga had seen one, before their game against The Iron Wall, when the whistles and the chanting had been too loud. _I grab onto Kenma and he makes my lungs work._ He's not sure how to put that into words, ends up shrugging silently. "I- Someone just holds me, I guess, until it's over." He's pretty sure he can hear Suga-san smirk over the sounds of his sniffling. "Someone?" The older boy asks innocently, but he knows it's anything but. _Stupid teasing Suga._ He's pretty sure that if Daichi and Suga talked, they'd be able to figure out who that someone was. He's not sure if that would be a bad thing, just a lot of teasing, maybe some awkwardness when they found out that that _someone_ wasn't a girl. He doesn't want them to hate him because he loves a boy. A Kenma.

"Well, I don't know if we can avoid loud noises- we play volleyball after all, but I'm sure Daichi and I can keep you from the dark and help you through your panic attacks." The tears roll down his cheeks more violently at that, his breathing turning into embarrassing hiccups and sobs. "Y-you don't have t-to do that." He informs, hoping selfishly that Suga would still agree. "We're teammates- and friends." He didn't know that Suga thought of him as more than that, as a friend, a true friend. He swallows hard and nods, Daichi's hand is rubbing his shoulder, rough and warm. "I don't want to burden you." He admits, wiping at his nose and eyes with an already damp sleeve. He'll have to learn to wash laundry if he keeps this up.

"I don't want to burden you." He echoes, but he means _Thank you._ Suga-san makes a soft noise, then they all stop walking. They're all in front of Daichi's house, Daichi leads them inside, Hinata thinks it's a little weird being inside his captain's house with another person, even if that person is Daichi's best friend. The all settle at Daichi's little study table, Suga jumping up to make tea without offering.

Hinata thinks that's weird, making tea in somebody else's house, but he can't help but notice how at ease the silver haired boy is in Daichi's kitchen. Like their tense prying hadn't happened. _But it did happen, they know and I..._ He's not sure what to feel, but he doesn't feel as relieved as he would have hoped when telling another person. He glances up at Daichi, who's working on school work, and smiles softly. Daichi doesn't hate him, isn't mad that he hid stuff, is still hiding stuff. Daichi's content to protect him, kind of like Kenma, but he doesn't love his captain the same way he loves Kenma.

Suga stays over for hours, Hinata watches the older males interact, working together seamlessly, exchanging answers and information quietly. It's interesting to watch, even if he feels like a bit of an outsider, he didn't take any of his school work home. Not wanting to carry more in his gym bag than clothes and it was unlikely was going to finish his assignments even if he did have the materials. He should really look for a tutor. A free one.

He ends up inviting Suga-san over for dinner, he's not sure why, feels awkward and mortified as he realizes what he's saying. Being alone with Daichi seems like an awkward prospect, with Suga's teasing about his _someone,_ and his captain's new knowledge about his _disorder._ Suga-san also makes Daichi a little less tense, which is always a plus. Suga tries to leave, but after a small insistence from Daichi the silver haired boy sits back down.

He likes cooking, even if it's just measuring and pouring water and rice into a cooker, and and then cutting Daichi's mystery meat. _It's not cow or chicken._ Those are the only meats he can identify raw and cooked, but Daichi just smiles awkwardly when he asks. Suga pokes at the strips he cuts up with a chopstick, then shrugs uselessly. "What if it's like, goat or something?" He asks, because he's never seen a goat in Miyagi, for all he knows Daichi could be killing them.

Suga just snorts, "Somehow, I doubt that it's goat, Hinata." He stares at the taller boy evenly.

"Have you ever seen a goat in Miyagi- Japan for that matter?" He demands, wondering if _he'_ s even seen a goat in person.

Suga blanches at the question, "You know, I-I don't think I have..." The silver haired boy stares suspiciously at their captain, Hinata joins him after the strips are put into the pan.

Daichi splutters, a weird blush spreading across his cheeks. "I have no idea what it is!" He spouts indignantly, Suga looks unimpressed but Hinata can tell he's hiding a smile.

"Goat killer."


	27. Chapter Twenty-Seven

** Chapter Twenty-Seven **

**Six Years Ago**

At ten years old, there wasn't much that Hinata Shouyou didn't like, everything was interesting and still new, a lot of it was even beautiful. Natsu, his almost year old sister, was especially beautiful, people even called her princess sometimes when they were shopping. He knew that Natsu wasn't a real princess, real princesses didn't throw rice and plastic cups, real princesses didn't scream until their faces were red and veins started bulging from their skin. That didn't stop Natsu from living in a castle, they even lived on top of a mountain.

The mountain didn't make their home special, it was the sights around it that made Shouyou so partial to it. If the mountain could provide them with this sight, then he would gladly invite the mountain to stay with them forever. Miss Sato said that mountains didn't like tea, the mountain said that it didn't like Miss Sato. He was inclined to agree.

Exploring was his life, something to fill the emptiness when he wasn't at school with his friends, the mountain showed him things that he liked when there was nobody around. He liked birds, even if they were kind of scary, one bird even had eyes that glowed the same as his hair. Shouyou liked that bird, he wasn't sure what the bird thought of him, just stared at him with bright orange eyes.

"Hoo." Called the bird.

"Hoo." Shouyou called back.

The bird blinked, he mimicked that too. He stared at the bird, returning its calls whenever it opened its beak. _Owl,_ Miss Sato had told him, he liked owls. Owls were big and only opened their eyes at night, he thought that was really cool, he stayed up with the bird, wondering if it was scared of the dark or if it really liked the dark. He liked the dark, the stars came out during the dark. The owl didn't look up at the stars, just him, with big, reflective orange eyes.

He stayed with the owl all night the first time they met, helping the winged animal conquer its fear, because nobody should be scared of the dark. Miss Sato had yelled at him the next morning when she found him, he told her about the bird, with expansive wings and dirty white feathers. She didn't care about the bird, but her attention was pulled away from him when Natsu started screaming. Miss Sato released his arms, and he sat back down, staring at the empty nest, wondering when the owl, his friend, would return.

Mister Owl, as Shouyou had named it, had returned when the sun set that evening. Mister Owl did not stay long, he spread his big, dirty wings and swooped into the pitch black of the night; Shouyou wanted to join him, fly over giant trees and stare down at the glowing earth.

Flowers took up his time when Mister Owl was missing, there was something weird about flowers, some of them mimicked his hair, bright orange and curly. Others were too red to look at for long, but that didn't stop him from touching them. He stroked over the awkward edges, they squished under his fingers. He didn't like the flowers as much as he did Mister Owl, they didn't call to him, nor stare at him with big, friendly eyes. A lot of them had bugs crawling over them. He hated bugs. They were so crawly and strange, even if they did make him feel like a mountain when compared in size. He wondered if there were flowers living in his hair, or a big owl that would _hoo_ if he listened closely.

Wanting an answer to his question, he raced into the house, avoiding the too close counter the in walkway. Shouyou wanted his dad, or his mom, but neither were to be found; he needed an answer, but only Miss Sato and Natsu were home, both of them sitting at the table, both of them quiet. He approached, wondering if Miss Sato would find his parents if he asked nicely, she didn't look up at him. Water was flicking off her chin, _tears,_ he's not sure why Miss Sato was crying when Natsu wasn't.

"Miss Sato?" He asked quietly, half hoping that she wouldn't hear him and he could just sneak outside to wait for Mister Owl. She flinched when he spoke, and her chin cocked up right after, she stared at him with eyes that matched Natsu's almost perfectly. "Where are mom and dad?" He asked as politely and formally as he could manage, almost yelled when she didn't answer his question. He was being nice, the least Miss Sato could do is return the gesture and answer his question.

"They're at the hospital, Shouyou." He didn't like the way Miss Sato used his given name, it was supposed to be special, something only friends could use. Miss Sato wasn't his friend, she was mean. He almost griped at her when he remembered what he said, tried to calm himself down. "Are they sick?" His voice was screeching like Mister Owls, it made Natsu squirm in their caretaker's arms. Miss Sato glared at him for a moment for almost waking Natsu, but he wanted to know, his parents never got sick!

"They had an accident." She spoke quietly, firm enough not to be a whisper. Shouyou frowned at her words, recalling the last time he had an accident. Falling off his bike, going in the bed when he was sleeping, dropping his cup and the shattering making his legs bleed. "Accident?" He asked, because there were no bikes or beds or cups to be seen. Miss Sato made a weird noise when he asked that, then another, then her tears started falling faster, right onto Natsu's pajamas.

"Yuuki- Your dad... He's dead." Shouyou knows about dead. Dead gave Mister Owl food. Make flowers uncomfortable. "Okay." Miss Sato stared at him, and more tears fell onto his baby sister's shoulder. Dead was bad. Dead could be fixed, flowers come back all the time. He just has to sleep and they start getting fixed. The mountain showed him that, showed him that flowers came back if he waited. He just has to fall asleep.

All he has to do is wake up.

"Wake up, Hinata." His dad never called him by their family name before, just Shou-chan -Shouyou when he was mad- and nothing else. "Hinata." He didn't like it, prepared to tell his dad that his name was Shouyou. "Hinata." Louder, firmer, deeper. _Not my dad._ He opened his eyes.

Daichi was leaning over him, tan skin looking oddly nice in the morning light through the window. He was in Daichi's bed. He wasn't on the mountain. His dad was dead. Hinata swallowed hard, closed his eyes because he would cry if he wasn't strong. _Accident._ "I'm sorry." _Accident._ He should have stopped his dad from leaving, told him to stay with Natsu and not be dead. _Accident._ He should have done something. _Accident._ He should have been strong.

"It's okay." A voice that wasn't his dad's spoke, sounding half amused. His dad had the same tone when he had left, disregarding his question on Mister Owl. _It's just a bird, Shouyou, birds don't like people._ "Yes, they do." He gasped, wondering if the lava in his throat was coming down or going up. Neither, it settled there, making him suffer until he cried out. Wondered when it got so hard to breathe. _Panic attack._ He realized, but couldn't reach the pills, or his dad, or Kenma. Hinata cried, the tears rolling down his cheeks and leaving a trail of fire down his cheeks. "I'm sorry." He croaked to nobody, to himself, to his dad. Nobody answered, but the burning continued, pressured his body until he could feel his ribs start to crush.

"Dad." _Hinata Yuukio._ He hated that name. He loved that name. It made him weak and sad and happy, never strong. He was not strong. "Dad." He called out, asking for strength he would never have because his dad was dead. _Accident._ He should have stopped him, but he wasn't strong. He took Natsu's dad away because he wasn't strong.

"Hinata?" Daichi was back, was the weight on his chest that he had imagined. "I can't breathe." He hissed out, and the weight was half gone, but still close and still warm. "Help me." _Because I'm not strong,_ but there was nothing to be done, he had stopped breathing because he wasn't strong. What was left of his vision was blurred with black dots, he was reminded to Mister Owl's murky feathers. Choked on a laugh that wasn't his. _Wasn't strong enough for a bird._ His hands were shaking where they had latched onto Daichi's shirt.

"Where are your pills?" Pills couldn't stop dead. Pills couldn't bring Natsu her dad back. Pills couldn't make him strong. He choked on his next empty inhale, _hoo_ his throat mocked into the air in front of him. He wrenched one of his hands off of Daichi's shirt, it shook harder when there was nothing to grasp it, pointed his finger towards his bag uselessly. The pills wouldn't fix his family. _Weak. Freak. Whore._ He curled his shaking limbs into each other when Daichi's heat escaped him, ignored the unzipping of his bag, the rattle of too orange bottles. _Mister Owl,_ he called in his head, but there was no screech in return.

Rough fingers pulled at his lips, pushing in gritty stones that his throat but did not go down. Heat cradled his neck, massaging with softness the weak don't deserve until his throat convulsed under it. Submitting. The stones hit his stomach, could feel them like lead had settled in his intestines. Fear had taken his vision from him and was working on making his lungs collapse. He fell into black heat and waited to see light, waiting for the rest of him to fade.

It happened slowly, could feel the emptiness in his breathing and was so, so sure it would have ended. The heat against him was great to be of this world but his eyes opened and familiar space blurred in front of him. His hands trembled in the heat that had swelled over his body. "Hinata." Not-his-dad called, the voice trembled like his fingers did. He blinked, and some of the blur turned into focused patches. Did it again. "Daichi." He whispered, voice hoarse and scratchy. Cleared his throat, tried again. "Daichi?" A question, why was he here, where was his dad?

"Are you okay? You blacked out for a second." It took him a small eternity to find meaning in those words, "Daichi." He answered, then there was humming, like the bugs he hated. He felt small instead of large now. A hill instead of a mountain. "I'm okay." He lied, and the humming ceased, but he didn't grow or shrink.

"How's your breathing?" That seemed like a stupid question, but since he was trembling and grasping onto someone he supposed he could afford to be asked stupid questions. "Fine." He answered, that much was true, drew in a breath for proof. "Fine." Exhaled into tanned skin. "Do you know why?" He's not sure _why_ anything is, _birds don't like people._ Daichi wasn't an owl. "Just a nightmare." He admitted quietly, allowed to feel shame because he could feel now that he could breathe.

"Want to talk about it?" He did not. Shook his head into hard skin. "Why did you wake me?" He wanted to be mad, wanted to see his dad again but he couldn't be mad at Daichi, the older man had offered him safety without knowing the consequences. "You were screaming." That explains the lava searing into his throat. "Sorry." He offers without explanation, feels Daichi's chin bump into his head as he nods. "Want to work today?" He snorts, finding it somehow not annoying that Daichi would ask him that after he had just screamed the other boy awake. Finds himself nodding.

"Then get dressed." He doesn't remember getting undressed, or even changing into a t-shirt with unfamiliar boxers, but nods mutely and pulls away from Daichi's heat. Doesn't look up at the older boy, but can feel his gaze, just as hot as his body until he could feel his head start to sear, forcing him to glance up. Daichi's eyes are wet, dark brown like too familiar trees. "Sorry." He offers, because the strong do not weep. His captain smiles down at him, then a hot hand is settled on his shoulder, "You can't help it." He thinks that's supposed to make him feel better. It doesn't.

Nods anyway, a bottle is offered back to him, it rattles in his shaking hand. "Thanks." He gives without meaning, he doesn't want this. Daichi says nothing and exits the room with a bundle of fabric that reminds him to change. He grabs his big, tosses the bottle back into it, and picks up something that isn't clothing. He debates opening his eyes as his fingers glance over sharp edges, does it despite all the reasons not to. "Natsu." He gasps out even when there is air in his lungs, stares at the orange hair through wrinkled paper. Tugs at his blackened bangs, wondering if his dad- throws the picture back into the bag.

"Never, ever." He promises, _never think about him._ He doesn't need him, because even if he did, he couldn't be there. Tugs on shorts barely longer than his boxers, and grabs Daichi's jacket. _Animal Crossing,_ is heavy in his pocket until he puts that in the bag too, Mister Owl is too familiar and the temptation to drown in a realm similar to his childhood is too frightening for him. Zips up the black material, ignoring the breeze he knows exists from memory and slides out of Daichi's room.

He tries not to stare at his captain when they're both tugging on their shoes, tries not to imagine what things he screamed when he kicks his toes into snugness. _Shouldn't._ He shouldn't ask, because Daichi's answers would be things he wouldn't want to know, and they couldn't be taken away. Hinata walks through the door when Daichi opens it, ignores the gaze that follows him with a too familiar sensation. Rubs at his eyes to dull the burn of a too bright sun, and trips over the steps. He doesn't curse, even if he wants to. Natsu shouldn't hear those words, even if she wan't around to hear them.

Looking back at Daichi is a mistake, because he's about to say that he's okay, but his eyes land onto something not Daichi. "Suga!" His captain's voice screams, breaking and sounding like shattering glass. Hinata jumps to his feet, approaching the figure he had just tripped over. "Suga-san!" He echoes, and the silver haired boy twitches, his eyes rolling under closed lids. "Suga." Daichi sounds pained as he speaks, moving to grasp at his friend's shoulders and shake him into wakefulness. Suga gasps as he's gripped, his lids flick open and his brown irises are noticeably smaller compared to the shocked white surrounding them.

Screaming has him flinching and jumping back, it fades into groans of torture until it's just sobbing. Hinata stares at Suga the same as Daichi does, glancing over the male's body in fear and confusion. He spots it before Daichi does, gasps loudly as bile shoots up his throat. Swallows it before it leaks from his throat, and darts forward, grasping at Suga's shirt, feels it squish under his shaking hands. "Suga!" He screams, tugging at the damp material, too dark red makes his fingers slippery.

"Hinata!" Forcefully pulls him back from empty panic, eases his grip on too red clothes. "Help me get him inside." It's low, a dazed request as much as command. He's never lifted anything heavier than Natsu before, but he nods, eases his neck under one of the older boy's arms at the same time Daichi does. They lift, but the height difference makes the process slow, and they tug a sobbing Suga into the bare light of Daichi's house. There's dragging, and Daichi hisses as he takes on most of the weight of their task.

Suga is settled onto the floor in the center of the room, he and Daichi both run off as soon as the silver hair is settled onto the hard ground, he grabs pillows from Daichi's bed, settles them under the other's twisted neck as Daichi emerges from the bathroom. "Suga." Daichi calls when he's close enough, a white box clenched between his tanned fingers. "Help me get his shirt off." The older boy is already tugging at the white turned red material, and he unbuttons from the top, idly wondering why Suga even bothered with all of these buttons. They meet in the middle, where he can feel liquid oozing under the surface of the thin school uniform.

They peel back each end of the shirt, Hinata finds in him not to flinch away from the pale, dipping skin, marked red and _bleeding._ Letting out a big sigh, ignoring the way his vision starts to flare with black, he looks up at Daichi, looking for instructions. "Get a towel from the bathroom." Daichi says at the same time he pulls his eyes from the wounds. He nods, takes off and pushes the bathroom door so hard it slams against the wall behind it. Grabs both towels from the rack by the tub, _why do we wash towels if we end up clean,_ and sets them beside Daichi's shaking frame.

Daichi doesn't say anything as he opens the white box in his hands, pulls out a clear bottle and unscrews the lid. The smell is pungent and makes his head spin, but Hinata continues to wait for his next task, too shocked to think of anything else. The bottle is tipped over and poured onto Suga's body, it sizzles violently, slides down both sides of his hips and dragging blood with it. Suga's stomach jumps up, back arching when the liquid is poured onto him, but Hinata's eyes are drawn to Suga's face, paler than usual and contorted into pain. He's never seen Suga-san cry before.

"Wipe him down carefully." Daichi instructs. He pulls the towels away from his captain's side, balls up the material and dabs at the sizzling cuts on his teammate's stomach. _How._ It's too unreal to answer, and he's not sure he can even handle the truth anymore. "Now get under him, I'll wrap." It feels like fantasy when he thinks about it, Daichi wrapping Suga-san's wounds, Suga-san having wounds, with him cleaning sizzling foam and blood from under them. Finds it grounding as he does as he's asked, he doesn't want to be on the ground though.

The blood is cleaned from the floorboards, and both towels are wet. He glances up at the shaking frame of Suga, his stomach still visible, the injuries stick out and seem to draw in light, they're clotted over and blackened around the edges. "Mine." He flinches at the word, _mine mine mine._ He's not sure why Daichi says it, but it pulls his eyes away from clammy skin and he's left with arms full of heavy towels, not sure what to do with them. He tosses them in the garbage, they'd be useless now.

The wet plop of the towels landing in the garbage seems to pull Daichi from his daze, he grabs gauze from his little white box and wraps it around Suga's arched back, covering the quivering darkness of his stomach. The action seems to pull Suga-san from his blankness, the silver haired boy gasps loudly, and his teeth click together as Daichi pulls the gauze tightly before tying it off. "Suga!" His captain gasps when he's finished, the other boy blinks violently, soaking his lashes with tears. "It hurts." Hinata is left wondering why there wasn't a hospital around their town, why they'd have to drag Suga's blood soaked body onto a train if Daichi hadn't reacted, hadn't saved him.

"Suga!" Daichi says when Suga groans in pain after speaking, "Don't strain." He says more gently, and some of the tenseness in Suga's body seems to melt. "What happened?" Daichi sounds close to tears again. He draws back, realizing he shouldn't intrude on this moment. "I left here... Someone was waiting and they..." The words are few, but they speak infinitely, someone did this. On purpose. Had hurt someone who would never hurt anyone. "Who?" Suga's head tilts back and forth, "Too dark." Hinata flinches at the admission, and Suga's watery eyes land on him, too intense for Suga's usual friendly demeanor.

"He was laughing." He gags silently when he hears that, wondering who or what could be so sick to _laugh_ as they carved someone. "Mine." He flinches from where he's perched over from Daichi's trashcan. "It says that." He's not sure what _it_ is, but he's hands are shaking the trash can and Daichi is staring at him now. "He carved that into me." Hinata's heart freezes, but his brain races. There are people just like Grand King, like Kuroo, who claim others. Who feed on the weak. But Suga is strong, carried him, supported his best friend always.

"It looks like random lines." He says, because he can't think of anything else, and the silence was starting to ring in his ears. "It's Romanji." Daichi sounds like he might laugh, the random lines -cuts- were Romanji, they weren't random, and neither was the attack. _I got someone hurt again._ He could have stopped Suga, forced him to spend the night and this would have been stopped. Hinata doesn't cry, but his eyes burn and itch. "Should we call the police?" He asks, and the other two boys are silent, staring at each other thoughtfully. "They won't find him." Suga says, brown eyes focusing on him again.

"But-" He stops talking when Daichi's head starts to shake, not tremble but shake. "We'll find him, Koushi." Daichi promises, he vows, it's dark and truthful. Daichi promises revenge, Suga smiles at the use of his given name, and a tear rolls down his head and into his hair. "We shouldn't go chasing shadows, especially since one of us is scared of the dark." There's a laugh, he's stunned that Suga can make a joke right now, let alone laugh, as airy as it sounds. "The cuts are shallow, I'll be fine in a week or two." Daichi's head is shaking again.

"What if he comes back?" Suga frowns at that, "He said it was a message, I think it got delivered." Daichi looks like he might question everything in existence, but Hinata has the answers. _Mine. Mine. Mine._ They're spat into his brain, _Who?_ He asks but nobody answers. A message to him, in blood, on his friend and teammate. He throws up into the trashcan. Grand King knew where he was staying, but had no reason to give him a message. Kuroo had already given him his message. _Whore._

"We'll be late for school." He almost hits Suga, his fist collides with floorboards instead. "You should rest." His tone is soft despite the rage and fear that boil inside of him, Suga's laugh make him shudder. "I'll be fine, Shouyou." He doubts that to the core of his being, someone could hurt Suga, touch his carved stomach or carve into him again. "Please..." But the other boy ignores him. "Don't suppose you have another uniform to lend out, Daichi?" Hinata is scared of Suga-san as much as he's scared for him, joking and acting like nothing is wrong, like they didn't just find him on the steps of Daichi's house, bloodied and passed out. _Mine._ Daichi doesn't say anything as he leaves the room, but he can see the strain in his face to keep it blank.

"You're such an idiot." Is whispered like acid once Daichi returns, a white shirt and black pants in his hands. "You can't go to school like this." Hinata's almost confused at how different Daichi's words and actions are, helping Suga-san into a school uniform while commanding him not to go to school. He wonders if his nightmare had brought him into another world, where people go to school right after getting stabbed. _He was probably there all night,_ he realizes bitterly, watching as Suga-san stands on shaky legs. Daichi's clothes fit the silver haired boy more than they do him, he's not sure why he notices when Suga should be wearing a hospital gown and a needle full of drugs.

"Aren't you hurting?" Suga's eyes land on him, he thinks he sees a flash of something in them. "Not really- kind of just burns, I guess?" The older boy's face is almost bashful, but Daichi frowns and disappears again, returning with a different bottle. They rattle in a way that his him flinching. "Here." His captain says, offering Suga the entire bottle. The silver haired boy _laughs,_ and it piles rocks in Hinata's empty stomach. "Do you want food?" He's almost embarrassed to ask the question, not sure if breakfast will help or hinder the older boy's healing. "Is my little chef going to cook for me?" There's teasing in Suga's tone, but Hinata's ears close after the second word. _My. Mine. Mine._ Tugs those thoughts into nothingness, forces a smile on his face for Suga's sake.

"Rice and eggs?" It's all there is for food besides the mystery meat, but he doesn't need a reminder of how he couldn't stop Suga from leaving last night. "No goat for breakfast?" Suga asks, then he lurches forward, grasping at his stomach, a normal reaction to pain that Suga hadn't shown earlier. "Eggs are fine." Hinata is glad that his hands have a task, something to do while not focusing on the fact that he had gotten a teammate hurt. There was debate on who had done it while he measured water, _Grand King,_ as he poured in rice. _Kuroo,_ as he cracked an egg too hard. _Someone else,_ as he pulled the mystery meat from the fridge. He made strips and pulled bentos onto the counter, lunch was a small repayment for getting Suga, someone who had done him no wrong, hurt.

He flinches when the eggs and meat start to sizzle, blood is pulled from the pan and he's shaking by the time everything is cooked. Piles half the pan's contents onto a plate and the other half into each of their bentos. _Tell them._ Hinata isn't sure why he hasn't. _Grand King or Kuroo stabbed you._ He needs an answer before he starts making claims, Grand King loved him, almost hurt his friend so he wouldn't make a move. "Wouldn't." He whispers into the eggs. _Did Grand King think Suga lived here and attacked him?_ Grabs chopsticks and forks, prepared himself to look at his injured teammate. _I'll give you a week to tell me._ He's certain that Grand King wanted to hurt who he was living with. _Mine._ Grand King jealous. _Live with me, that's what boyfriends do, right?_ Grand King hurting people to manipulate him. It would work. Grand King knew it would work.

Suga isn't where he had left him, he scans the room, finding both boys at Daichi's study area he moves forward and sets the plate and utensils on the table. Retreats back to the kitchen before his mouth can open. _Kuroo could have done this._ Something about Kuroo seems murderous, his gleaming eyes and- He swallows, pausing as he packs meat into an empty bento. _You're mine now._ Kuroo would only hurt him, only wanted his friend back, the one he stole. His heart hurts at the thought of Kenma hurting, more so at the thought of leaving him behind.

He glances over at Suga and Daichi, waiting for the moment they realize it was him the message was for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like, how mad would everyone be if I killed Suga? Asking for a friend.


	28. Chapter Twenty-Eight

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

Hinata is pretty sure apologizing each time he speaks is not a way to allay suspicion, but he's not really concerned with that at the moment. All of his thoughts are revolving around Suga-san, the silver haired setter had insisted that he go to school, even when he winced visibly after each step he took. Suga's bag, which had been found tossed into the grass by Daichi's house, was now on his shoulder. "The least I can do." He insisted, for not protecting Suga, for not stopping the setter when he tried to leave. For getting involved with Grand King, for making Kuroo hurt him. No explanation was provided, even when he could feel both of the older boys staring at him in question.

"Can you get my phone, Hinata?" It's a quiet request, Suga had been speaking quietly all morning, and Hinata froze. He didn't have Suga's phone, and stared up at the taller boy with guilty tears in his eyes, about to apologize for not being able to accomplish this simple task after getting him injured. "I-" He mumbled, waiting for the silver haired boy to break down because he couldn't have his phone, because of the injuries, the trauma.

"It's in my bag." The bag on his shoulder. Hinata could accomplish his task, he pulled the older boy's school bag from his shoulder, carefully unzipped it as if the Suga-san had a connection with the material in his hands. His fingers trembled as he tugged on the device, silver like the older boy's hair, it gleamed orange under the morning sun. "H-here." Offered the phone with a quiet voice, but Suga just smiled at him. He tried not to let the affection hurt him, but Suga's curling lips twisted his guts painfully, offered another apology when the phone almost slipped from his clammy hand.

"Can you text my mother for me?" The twisted in his stomach yanked painfully on his insides at the boy's polite tone. _I got your son attacked._ He nodded, letting inky bangs fall into his face so he wouldn't have to look up into cautiously warm eyes. Hinata carefully flicked open the phone in his hands, carefully thumbed through Suga's contacts until _Mom_ showed up. "N-N-What should it say?" He half begged, wondering if Suga would make him send a code to his mother. Make her call the police and send him to jail where he would rot forever.

"I stayed with Daichi-san, sorry for not calling, love you, mom." He carefully typed out the words, adding each polite ending and was about to press send when Daichi spoke up, a first since they had left the house. "Did you just type _love you miss suga-san's mom?"_ He's not sure how either of the older boy's can laugh at a time like this, when one of them has been injured, as a message to him. _Because they don't know._ There's relief piling up with guilt in his stomach, it churns loudly that has Suga chuckling quietly, then grasping at his wounds. He apologizes for the noise.

"Didn't you eat breakfast, Shouyou?" He whimpers at the sound of his given name, coming from someone who had gotten hurt because of him. _For him._ The noise wasn't from hunger, but from guilt and shame and fear. _Suga-san doesn't know,_ he reminds himself and the noise repeats. "I'll take that as a no." He doesn't respond, fixes the message to make it look like it had come from the older boy, claiming the mother as his own in polite Kanji. Pressing send makes his fingers tingle, wondering if Suga-san even typed in Kanji and dread starting filling his veins.

"Sorry." He mumbles towards the ground, tucking the device back into the older boy's bag and zipping it up carefully. "Daichi, will you buy Hinata breakfast?" His gut churns painfully at the request, wants to deny it because he's not sure if he'll ever need to eat again. Also wanting to obey Suga's every command until he's forgiven keeps his lips tight. _This is your fault._ A voice growls in his ear, spewing venom into his ears until he's actually shaking like a soaked dog. _Suga-san will hate me if he knows, everyone will._ The truth, he realizes also needs to come to light, but he can't make his lips into anything but frantic apologizes.

 _Why isn't he scared?_ He would be scared if he had been attacked in the dark. Hinata stops walking. _The same thing happened to me._ Suga had gone through the same thing as he had, gruesome torture, but the older boy had only shed a few tears and nothing else. He had broken down, refused to be alone or even step near the dark. _Suga is strong._ Hinata had known that of course, had played with the older boy for months and knew that Suga was strong in ways he would never be. _But this..._ He glances at the older boy, notices the sweat rolling down his neck in an effort to keep going. Wants to offer support, a crutch, but Suga had pushed him away stating he was fine to walk. _Suga is strong._ His brain repeated, it turned into cement, heavy and true. _Suga is strong._ A mantra, a prayer for the older boy.

They stop in front of Ukai's store, Daichi tells them to wait outside with a stern look that has Suga giggling. _Why is he laughing?_ Hinata wonders, but can't quite meet eyes to discover the intent behind the action. He wants to question Suga, take responsibility for the actions of the two captains that could have injured him. _Mine. Slut. Mine. Whore._ He's still not certain, Suga refused to talk about it further since they had left the house. Hinata is ready to beg for the information if need be. "Are you okay, Shouyou?" He flinches at the use of his name again, glances up into Suga's too warm eyes then glues his gaze onto his feet. Nods slowly, "Sorry." _Am I okay?_ Perplexed as he is, he doesn't want to ask why.

 _We need to hurry._ The pills are starting to sizzle in his stomach, then he'd never stop speaking his thoughts, admitting to crimes he was responsible for. Daichi returns moments after, clutching the same things they had purchased yesterday. _Before Suga had been attacked because of me._ Needs to remind himself, because he's the only one that knows. The can of coffee and bar are forced into his hands, he forces them into the pockets of the jacket he has on at the same time he forces his thoughts to quiet down.

He clutches as Daichi's hand like he might die, both of his hands are sweaty around the older boy's, but he's not focused on that. _They're gonna know it was my fault._ Walking into school was a muted affair, the older boys stopped where the stairs separated their classes, Daichi holding onto Suga's school bag with a grim expression. "Hinata, my hand?" _Hands that carve names._ He swallows down the words before they can form on his tongue and lets his slick hands fall from the older boy's. His hands flash with ice and he's clutching at his captain again while watching Suga slowly climb the large stairwell.

"Why?" He whispers, it's a loaded question. _Why don't you hate me? Why did this happen? Why is Suga not breaking down? Why isn't he scared?_ Daichi's smile is forced and makes him look ancient, "Suga never misses school, very uh- He wants good grades." _So do I but..._ He thinks the answer has more questions attached to it, but Daichi's hand is pulled from his again and the older boy walks away. _Never misses school._ "Not even for this." He practically hisses as he walks to his own classroom.

Hinata spends the entire day wondering about Suga-san, his bento is no where to be seen when lunch rolls around. He thinks he might have packed all of them in the setters school bag, but doesn't remember. A glance at the door reveals Kageyama standing in front of his desk, "You're distracted." The taller boy says once he manages to look into Kageyama's eyes. Rubbing at his eyes briefly, he stares at Kageyama more intensely, figuring he must have been really out of it if the dark haired boy actually noticed something. "Did something happen?" Kageyama asks almost hesitantly, forcing Hinata to look at the door wondering if a knife wielding Grand King was going to show up. "I need to go." He shifts his hands to the edge of his desk, ignores how they were still trembling from this morning, and leaves behind a silent Kageyama.

The third floor of Karasuno is a place he's only been once, it had been with Kageyama to investigate Asahi, now he was alone. It feels wrong, but _wrong_ is how Suga-san is allowed to feel. He should be the one in pain, not a smiling, silver haired boy who had never done him, or anyone, wrong. Sliding the only door he recognizes open reveals one of his teammates, but not the one he was looking for. "Yo, Hinata!" Asahi chirps, half a smile on his face. Hinata slams the door shut with more force than necessary and walks to the next one, _never misses school,_ it didn't prove or disprove that the setter could be in college-prep classes. He stops in front of class four, wondering if there were police waiting behind the door to arrest him for murder, or if Kuroo had was waiting for him to show up so he could finish the job. _He's in Tokyo._ Hinata steels what nerve he can, tugging at his bangs and wondering why _he_ 's scared when Suga-san didn't even seem bothered by the fact that he had almost been killed.

Sliding the door opens reveals neither Kuroo or the police, but Daichi is an odd surprise. Hinata didn't know that his captain was also that smart, Suga was less surprising the more he pondered it. "Hinata?" Daichi notices him first, sounding almost shocked at his appearance. He's never ran into his captain during school hours and he'd be surprised too, he figures, then gulps loudly before stepping in. Both of the boys are having lunch, the lunch he had crafted after mopping up blood. His stomach tightens painfully inside of him at the sight, "H-Hi, Daichi-san- how are things?" He asks, offering a smile, but it feels too tight on his face and is dropped quickly. Suga looks up when he speaks and he considers running away, "Suga-san-" He stammers out quickly, making the setter smile almost menacingly.

"Come to check on me? You're so sweet." He thinks the words would be condescending coming from anyone else's mouth, but from Suga's they sound almost like a threat. Forced to wonder if the older boy knows more than he had said, Hinata approaches their shared desk, bowing slightly before sitting on the ground. "I wanted to ask you something." Another loaded question, he reminds himself not to make a habit of using them, Suga's smile widens oddly in one direction, like only half of his face is working. "What's that, Shouyou?" He frowns at the use of his name, almost certain that Suga is teasing him with concealed knowledge. _Why doesn't he say something then?_ Hinata swallows down the question, wondering when he ended up staring at Suga-san's stomach instead of his face.

"Why don't you tell someone?" He half screams, drawing the curious gazes of two girls that are sitting behind Suga. _That it was me..._ The thought forces his face into a grimace. The older boy's smile looks pained and the way that the chopsticks in Suga's hands tremble don't escape his notice. "I can't afford to miss school." It's a stupid explanation, but Hinata is sure that there's more to it than that. Even if Suga was in college-prep courses, he could _afford_ to miss a few days because of almost dying on someone's porch. "You should tell an adult." He wants it to sound like an order, but his tone is uneven and his hands shake harder where they are stuffed in his pockets.

Suga's friendly eyes narrow into an almost glare, he watches the older boy's lips roll for a second before they open. " _We're_ not going to do that, right, Shouyou?" Hinata is absolutely sure that Suga knows everything that he finds himself nodding. He swallows the bile that itches at his throat, "No, you're telling someone or I will." He says, shocked at how even and commanding he had just sounded. Daichi calls his name in a whisper but he ignores it, "Do you really think you can practice like that? Somebody is going to notice." He's whispers the words as he gestures to Suga's concealed stomach. _Mine._ Hinata thinks he can see the outline of the words through Suga's shirt and the bandages. Blinking the image away, he stares into the older boy's eyes unwavering.

"Hinata, please." He feels almost relieved that Suga uses his family name, even with his previous conflicts with it. "If anyone finds out, they'll overreact." He thinks that Suga's reaction is an overreaction in itself, blinks when he realizes that he had just said that out loud. Suga's stare hardens, "Hinata, if you tell anyone-" The silver haired boy is cut off by their captain, "Suga, he's right." It's a harsh whisper that makes his skin crawl. "We should tell Ukai, at least." Daichi pacifies, trying to mediate fairly. Hinata thinks that's stupid, Suga needs help. Two boys are glaring at him now. "Do you really expect to practice- to change, like _that?_ " Daichi points at Suga's stomach, forcing their focus on it.

The silver haired boy flinches like the wounds have been prodded at, "I- Didn't think about that." Suga admits sheepishly, then he's smiling again. Hinata cringes, hating the sight of it for some reason. "The longer this waits, the more trouble we'll be in." Suga sighs, and Daichi stops talking, but only for a second, "We'll never catch the guy if we wait longer." His breathing stops when Daichi finishes speaking. _Catch Grand King. Catch Kuroo._ "What did he say, a message?" Daichi is whispering again, and Suga nods an affirmative.

 _Mine._ He stands on shaking legs when the bell rings, the older boys falling silent long before that. _Mine_ follows him back to his desk, lingers in his mind until he's scratching at his scalp to get it out. Scratches at his hands to keep them away from his head, his head is too full of thoughts and he can't let other people hear them right now. His hands are seeping blood by the time the final bell rings, he launches himself from the classroom, noticing dully how odd it is to be using the door for his exit.

Daichi and Suga were standing outside of the gym, still in their uniforms, they looked up when he approached him. "You're late." He ran as fast as he could, so he assumes it's a joke. "Window was shut." He lies, and the older boys smile down at him. "Is he in there?" Daichi nods, waves his cell phone like it has answers then pushes the gym door open. The darkness forces him to pause, fear gripping his legs like shackles. The door collides painfully into his back but he pays it no mind. He and Suga were attacked in the dark, Hinata wouldn't let this place turn into _that._

He watches the older boy's freeze, probably noticing his pause, and they turn back to him. "Oh-right." Daichi sounds almost amused with his ensuing panic, and rushes back to him, offering him a large hand. Hinata stares at it, confused, a hand didn't bring light. The tanned digits flex, calling him, and he grabs onto it. _Trust my captain._ They walk quickly into the half-darkness of the school gym, and Hinata can feel his breathing get more and more erratic as they pace into it. "Almost there." Suga promises, but he's only a shadow and the words freak him out more than they help.

Nodding with nobody to see, he follows Daichi's leading until they're in against the wall of the gym, switches are flicked and the room bursts with light. A sigh escapes him, but Daichi continues to lead him until they're all standing in front of a door he's never been inside of. "Ukai is in there." He figures it's the room where official coaches did official coach things, and accepts the information silently. His eyes focus onto Suga's profile, Hinata thinks he can see anger and fear in them, something he finds comfort in. That Suga is hurting but also allowing himself to hurt.

Daichi is the one that knocks on the door, then twists the handle without pause. His captain's hand leads him into a small room, white like the rest of the gym walls but posters are attached in random places. They're forgotten as soon as his eyes are off of them, they focus on their coach, sitting in a chair with a grim expression. _More than usual anyway,_ he thinks half amused. Ukai blinks at them, then waves them towards the chairs in front of the desk Ukai is behind. Two of them, angled towards each other and made of uncomfortable looking wood. Daichi's hand leads him towards the proffered chairs, and then he's settled in his captain's lap; he thinks he'd be embarrassed if the circumstances were different. Fear still rattles around him, itches in his arms until he's clawing at them.

"What is this about?" Ukai asks after an awkward moment filled with him just scratching. Hinata scratches harder when Ukai's voice interrupts his thoughts, he glances at Suga-san, who looks like he might start pouting at any moment. "Sugawara needs to tell you something." Daichi says firmly, but Hinata thinks he can make out a waver in the deep hum. Emotions flicker across Suga's face, but Hinata can only pick out fear and anger, then he's unbuttoning his shirt. He could almost laugh at Ukai's blanching face, which quickly turns into a grimace as the tightly wrapped gauze is revealed; it's almost hard to see, the way it blends in with Suga's pale skin, but it doesn't shine under the lights above them and Ukai's eyes glare into the bandages.

"What?" Ukai huffs, half scared and half annoyed. Hinata flinches at the sound of Suga tugging at the bandages, and his fingers still for a moment, watching raptly as pale fingers dig at the wrappings. "What the fuck?" He doesn't correct the coach's language, certain the words would have spilled from his mouth as well if he wasn't biting into his bottom lip like he is. Ukai dashes around the desk, kneeling in front of the setter in half a second, fingers ghosting over the wounds. "Mine." Ukai reads bluntly, and his head jerks at the word.

"Who did this?" The older man growls, tugging at the blond locks that are usually tied back. Hinata watches as Suga smiles sadly, "I don't know. I was leaving Daichi's and it was dark outside." Guilt latches onto Hinata's heart at the words, _I could have made him stay._ Then Ukai is looking at him, or Daichi, he thinks it might be both. "Did you boys see what happened?" His head is shaking, he knows _what_ happened and maybe even _why,_ but Ukai didn't ask that, and he doesn't want to say.

"Suga said the guy said it was a message." Ukai's frown deepens drastically when Daichi speaks, then nods curtly. "Did you call the police?" He asks to Suga, who's face twists with color blooming on his cheeks. "No." The silver haired boy says quietly. Ukai barks at him, "Why the hell not?" But Suga doesn't flinch at the raised voice as Hinata does, doesn't react to it in the slightest. Ukai sighs, Hinata thinks it's the longest he's ever heard in his life, then looks up and into Suga's eyes. "It's about that stupid school, isn't it?" The older man says, sounding knowing, and angry for knowing. The setter reacts to that, his head jerking almost violently, then his eyes are finally seeing their coach. He nods, then his gaze darts away. _School?_ It's not surprising that Suga was thinking about school, but _that_ school. _Did he get accepted somewhere?_

"You already got accepted, you don't need to- force yourself." Daichi's voice is loud in his ear, the slight pause before _force,_ he thinks, was only for his sake. Hinata distantly recalls the morning after Daichi had found him, shaking from the dark with his butt burning and neck bleeding. Ukai nods slowly, glaring at the pouting setter. "I just wanted to secure-" But he is cut off with Ukai's screaming, "You could have died!" The older man's hands latch onto Suga's thighs, like he's restraining himself from strangling the scarred boy. Hinata realizes that that might actually be the case.

"I never figured you for an idiot." Ukai's voice is almost a growl, he's not sure if that's better or worse than the yelling. Suga's trembling tells him it's probably worse. "You should have- How long did it take you to find him?" Ukai's eyes are now back on him and Daichi. "Uh- We found him when we were leaving for work, around five then." Ukai's eyes drag back to Suga, "How long were you out there?" Ukai sounds worried, but mostly angry. "All night." Is Suga's quiet admission. Everything goes quiet.

"A message?" Ukai whispers against Suga's stomach, blunt fingers tracing the dark scars. Suga nods silently at the question. Hinata's heart drops while Daichi's speeds against his back. "You think it might be..." Ukai's voice trails off, then he's clearing his throat as if to buy time. "Yakuza? Or a gang?" Hinata almost laughs, but dread grasps at his vocal chords. "It was just one guy." Suga says quietly, sounding completely drained. The coach shrugs, "Messengers are usually just one guy, do you remember anything else?" He almost hates Ukai for pushing for details, details that would lead back to him through Grand King or Kuroo. Suga's chin clenches up at the question, "It was too dark to see but, his hands were huge... And he laughed." Ukai frowns at that, it was very little to go on. Hinata knew that both Grand King and Kuroo had huge hands, both had... _very unusual laughs._

"What did it sound like?" He asks, the first time he's spoken since they've entered the room. Ukai looks up at him when he speaks, can see the coach's eyes spark with something. "Good one, Hinata." He is praised softly and it hurts more than it heals. Hinata had no intention of telling anyone about Grand King or Kuroo's laughs, until he was ready, until he feels he could handle their hatred. Suga hums quietly, and he's reminded of Kenma, misses the blond boy so much it hurts. "It was kind of like- a barking, or a dying animal." Suga scratches at his head while Hinata's fills with doubt. _A barking laugh._ The confirmation made his stomach wither and clench and hurt

 _Kuroo had come to Miyagi, to Daichi's house, just to send me a message._ Possibilities race through his head, questions dart by in a half seconds, but there's only one that matters. _How did Kuroo know where I'd be, that I'd find Suga-san._ Hinata almost thinks that Suga-san wasn't meant to be found alive, but the cuts, he'd been told, had been shallow. _A message from Kuroo._ Why would he need another reminder, Kuroo had pictures if he had acted against him, he wonders if the older boy had seen him with Grand King. _Maybe Grand King told him?_ He doesn't think it's likely that Kuroo just happened to know where Daichi was living, that he'd be there. _Maybe he didn't know, maybe he just found him?_

 _Not a coincidence._ He realizes that it's almost impossible for it to be a coincidence, and he scratches hard at his arms. _I really did get him hurt._ He thinks it should hurt more, the realization and the scratching. Suga-san's face is frowning and angled towards him. _I got you hurt._

"Listen I-" Ukai clears his throat again, Hinata wonders if the older man has been smoking even more than usual, "I have some friends- I'll have them ask around, if you _really_ don't want to talk with the police." He frowns at that, wondering what kind of _friends_ Ukai could have that could ask around, but Suga is smiling again, something painful and honest. It doesn't hurt as much as the previous ones had, but he was still scared to look into the other boy's eyes without seeing scars and hearing _Mine_ repeat in his head until he fainted.

Ukai sighs when Suga nods, thanks the man almost cheerfully. He thinks that Ukai wanted Suga to go to the police, _he_ wanted Suga to go the police, but it was either this way or someone- _Kuroo_ would get away with an almost murder. _A message._ "No practice." Ukai says like an afterthought, almost flippantly, but Hinata would tackle the silver haired boy if he even thought about playing volleyball right now. Suga nods, "What do we tell the team?" It's the only instance where he hates that Suga thinks of the team before himself, _this is bigger than who's playing setter,_ Ukai shrugs. "Tell 'em whatever you want, that you sprained something. Just- Don't show them _this._ " Suga nods, and Ukai stands back up.

"Not a word from either of you." Daichi's chin collides with his head as they both nod, Ukai snorts at them, and the atmosphere is that much less gloomy and terrible. "You two, get changed. Suga, on the bench." They all nod, verbally confirming as well. They all exit the room silently, into the already occupied gym.

The court in front of them freezes when the office door shuts loudly, everyone turns to look at them with open curiously. Hinata has to steel himself, _not a word,_ as Daichi walks them over to the bench were Suga is deposited. The older boy almost leads him away, but the force stops when Suga's voice calls out. "Hinata..." He's not sure what Suga might say, scared that the older boy would choose now to admit that he knows everything, or that he might yell at him for getting an adult, or would cry because they'd both been hurt in the dark.

"Thank you." Then nothing else. _Thank me?_ He nods to the older boy, watches Suga smile at him then waving them off through blurry eyes. _Thank you._ Suga didn't know, didn't know that it was his fault the older boy had gotten hurt. He waits until they're in the club room to break down, falling onto the floor and curling up while sobs make his body shake beyond his control. _My fault._ His mind taunts, and he cries harder until thick blobs of moisture trail down his cheeks and he's screaming into his knees.

He ignores Daichi calling his name, ignores everything but his thoughts, _Your fault. Your fault._ They tease, _Mine. Mine._ Kuroo calls, he can see the dark haired man standing in Daichi's face, smiling down at him with blood splatters on his face. "No!" He screeches, crawls away on trembling limbs until he hits something hard. _You're mine now._ The screams until the voice is drowned out, calling him stupid nicknames. He wipes Suga-san's blood off his arms and screams again. _My fault._

The darkness is all consuming and welcomes him while he continues to fear it. _Hinata._ It calls menacingly, a growl into his ear, wonders why the dark calls him when he's already here. "I'm sorry!" He screams, into nothingness, but the darkness doesn't forgive him. The darkness hurts his arms, they throb with the beat he can hear in his ears. "Stop! He cries, voice weak now, coughing from the strain in his throat. It burns but the burn doesn't bring back memories of owls, but it does bring eyes that don't blink. Chopper and penetrating that make his blood run cold. "Please don't." He begs, and the darkness stills.

"Hinata!" The eyes in front of him aren't chopper, or bright orange, but that doesn't take away from their penetrating seriousness. "Daichi." He gasps out, relieved and terrified at the same time. "Are you okay?" _Kenma's words._ He doesn't know if he's okay, but he doesn't care, Suga isn't okay. He got Suga hurt and won't tell anyone who it was. Hinata nods anyway, "How long?" His head is heavy and throbbing. _Panic attack._ He tells himself, but it didn't feel like it, it was the truth and the darkness both coming for him.

"Only a few minutes." He nods, looking away from Daichi's eyes when he has the chance. "Sorry." He offers, tallies up all the times he's apologized today but can't find a number. "You're bleeding." He remembers Kenma saying that after bringing him the most intense pleasure of his life, but Kenma wasn't here, Kenma was in Tokyo. _Kuroo's there too._ Hinata doesn't quite believe that, Kuroo could still be in Miyagi, could be in Daichi's house waiting for them.

His thoughts drain from his head when Daichi's chest covers his face, tries to mimic the breathing from the man covering him. "I'm sorry." He gasps out, but Daichi hushes him softly. "You're just scared, seeing a- seeing Suga like that, couldn't have helped when you were already..." Daichi doesn't finish his sentence, but he remembers his dream and memories in more detail at that moment. _I couldn't save either of them._ He sobs into Daichi's shoulder, taking advantage of someone after he got their best friend hurt. There's a sick feeling settling his gut, that makes his vision blur with the pain.

"Hinata?" He hums weakly, forcing his eyes back open, wondered when they had fallen shut. "Have you eaten?" He thinks of Suga's stomach, the blood soaked towels and the itching in his arms. Shaking his head makes him dizzy, but Daichi's growling makes him focus. "You're such an idiot." He flinches at the words, but his head is caught between a wall and Daichi's shoulder. "Sorry?" He offers, very confused as to why that matters when Suga-san couldn't eat without being reminded of the dark. _Mine._

"You passed out because you haven't been eating." He wants to remind Daichi that he's been skipping meals for years, skipping medication for just as long, that he had eaten yesterday when Suga's blood wasn't under his fingernails. "You need to eat." There are hands inside of his borrowed coat that makes his insides burn, he doesn't want to eat, almost gags when he hears familiar plastic. "No." He tries but granola is shoved into him when he speaks, dry and unrelenting in a spiteful way. The way that Kuroo made him fear the dark, tears roll down his cheeks the same way they had before and he can hear Kuroo's barking chuckle when his vision starts to blot black.

"Eat, Hinata." His teeth clamp down, like they should have back then, Kuroo would have killed him. Suga would be okay. Hinata chews under supervision, swallowing reminds him of too many things that turn into nothing, he chokes and wetness is poured into his mouth. _Coffee._ It's bitter and he deserves nothing but that. _My fault,_ he's reminded as if he could ever forget. Daichi feeds him like an animal, makes encouraging noises when he does as he's told. _You're mine now._ He's been claimed like an animal. The coffee sinks lower in his gut.

The crushing weight on his shoulders relent, and his arms are prodded at. Glances down when Daichi makes a weird noise. His arms were still bleeding, small crescent shaped wounds that drag into long lines, all of them sharp red and leaking crimson. "Sorry." He offers emptily, and Daichi responds by standing, procuring something from the far end of the room. A white box. It's the same one that was used on Suga, but the plastic fills him with dread in the same way.

His arms sizzle and his flesh burns as liquid slides over his arms. Attempting to pull back his arms turns useless as Daichi's grip threaten to shatter his wrists, he goes limp, leaning against the wall and ignoring the pain of retribution. _I deserve to hurt. Suga was hurt for me._ Kuroo, he needs to talk to Kuroo. His phone is at home, doesn't remember grabbing it after discovering Suga. "Hinata." He groans softly in return, "Get dressed." He doesn't want to practice, he wants to be forgiven.

Daichi tugs on his elbows until he's standing, too big jacket and too big clothes are tugged off of his body until he's bare, exposed. Feels his captain's eyes roam his body, _studying,_ Daichi makes a noise that he can't decipher. A locker is opened and his hands are heavy soon after. "Get dressed." Echoed with more feeling, anger that he recognizes, nods slowly and forces his eyes open. Practice clothes are piling his arms, drops them onto the floor and walks into his shorts. Tugs on knee pads, using a shirt to cover his squirming stomach. Toes into his gym shoes.

"Practice." He mumbles, Daichi makes another noise, and tugs on his hand. Hinata isn't sure he can handle practice, he's distracted and his his limbs are shaking, Daichi is pretty much dragging him through the gym doors, which should be signal enough that he shouldn't be here. Shouldn't be near Suga-san, or anyone, in case they get hurt.

The team is crowding around the bench where they had left Suga, questions fire too quickly for Hinata to pick any of them out. Daichi leads them towards the noise and his hands start shaking harder. "Hey! Quit standing around!" There's grumbling and his hand is released. "Are you guys okay? You were gone for a long time." He looks at Suga, looking almost broken and small on the bench. There's a smile from the silver haired boy that he can't figure out, Daichi answers for them, "Hinata had another panic attack." Suga's smile disappears suddenly, turns into furrowed brows and a frown. "Are you okay? Your arms are covered." He nods instead of talking, his throat is itchy and sore from screaming and choking down food.

"He passed out- hadn't eaten all day. He's been scratching since we talked to Ukai." Shame fills his veins, realizing that Daichi had noticed before he did. "Sorry." He offers to both of them, Daichi sighs roughly and Suga's next smile is small. "You need to take better care of yourself, Shouyou." He nods but doesn't see the point. "Now go practice, I need to talk to Daichi." He nods again, turning away from a sight that makes his eyes burn. "Oh, wait!" He stops, stares at Suga's nose instead of at the wide brown eyes, can see the older boy's smile grow more friendly before he speaks, "Make sure you practice for the both of us." He nods again, the goal makes his mind less foggy.

 _Get stronger._ It's a promise to Suga-san, to his dad, to himself. It's a promise to Kuroo, that he would pay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has 600$ just sitting around, I need it urgently. Will pay you back as soon as possible.


	29. Chapter Twenty-Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was getting too friendly around here.

** Chapter Twenty-Nine **

For the first time in his life, Hinata Shouyou makes a plan. Tries his hardest to calculate every detail down to the letter, the hardest part, in his opinion, is keeping the whole thing a secret. Kuroo had hurt him, but more importantly, the dark haired boy had injured his teammate, one that he likes at that. He devises a plan to bring Kuroo down without anyone knowing, he tells Daichi that he's going to Tokyo for a medical thing. An update on his condition. It's a lie, but his captain doesn't need to know that.

He's not sure what he wants out of this, if Kuroo apologized to Suga then Kuroo would go to jail, and Kenma might hate him for taking away his childhood friend. If he doesn't return to Miyagi with something, the guilt will make him crack, he's always hated keeping secrets.

Calling Kenma calls him down from an almost panic attack, asks the older boy some nondescript questions, what he would do in a similar situation. He doesn't give names, but he call tell that the older boy is getting suspicious when he starts dodging questions. Hinata thanks the blond for helping him, sends his love, promises to be on the first train on Friday afternoon. _Two days,_ he realizes, he has two days to think of something. Something to help put Suga and Daichi at ease besides carrying bags and making lunches.

Daichi drags him off shopping, Suga-san comes too, he notices how the older boy starts shaking when they stand still too long. The action sets him on edge, like they're just sitting ducks waiting for Kuroo to strike them, but Suga doesn't know that Kuroo is behind it. He ends up squishing a tomato all over his hand when he notices it the first time, asks if the older boy wants to sit down with Daichi while he grabs the food. Suga waves him off, insisting that he's fine, but he can tell it's a lie when Suga starts pawing at his stomach.

"I've never been grocery shopping before." He admits while Daichi examines to strains of kelp, they appear to be different species but look identical. Suga chuckles, starts petting his hair, he tries not to flinch away for the older boy's sake but the hand retracts instantly. Guilt makes his cheeks flush, the taller boy just smiles sadly. "I think they're actually both the same." Daichi says eventually, lifting and lowering the plants to view them in different lights. Hinata shrugs, points at the one that has a speck more green on it, "I think that's the stuff in your fridge."

Daichi deposits it into their basket, ushers him towards the fruits, starts asking him what would provide the most nutritional value. "Didn't I tell you I've never done this before? I haven't even cooked rice before I moved in with you!" His captain just shrugs noncommittally, Hinata sighs deeply, pulls strawberries and forces the older boy to carry a watermelon. He's not even craving the heavy fruit, but watching Daichi awkwardly carry it around is sweeter than any fruit could be.

He ends up texting Kenma when they get into more complicated territory, asking about tea and meats. Hinata inspects all the labels on the meats, checking to see if any of them match the loaf in Daichi's fridge. _Nothing._ Kenma tells him that sirloin has the highest nutritional value as far as meats go, he tells Daichi and the older boy picks up what must be sirloin. He has no idea how to cook that, but Daichi just ignores him, toting around several packages of meat and their watermelon.

Suga's energy seems to pick up once they're in the tea aisle, starts asking both of them about their preferences. Daichi stares, settles the watermelon on his shoulder, and continues to stare at their teammate. Hinata stares too, just with more honest curiosity than whatever cynical thing Daichi's face is showing. "Ichigo!" He inputs, Suga nods, starts staring at Daichi. "I prefer coffee." Their captain states gravely, as if the consequences for not liking tea would be extreme. Suga's smile is almost predatory, "But I didn't ask about coffee, Daichi-san, I asked about tea." The other boy flinches at the honorific, starts listing off tea flavors that don't exist.

The silver haired boy laughs, plucks three boxes from the shelves surrounding them and settles them in their basket. He's still not sure what to make of the entire experience, prays that this will be over soon, but also hopes that Suga-san will continue to smile without teasing over tea flavors. They work their way around stalls and shelves, Suga ends up doing most of the shopping while he watches, Daichi carrying their load. "Ginger is supposed to help clear you of sickness, I also heard it was good luck." There's a can of dried ginger poised in Suga's hands, a weird expression forming over his face as he talks about the root, Hinata doesn't think it's pain but close enough to make his heart clench. "Yeah?" He asks, unsure of what else to say.

Suga looks at him suddenly, squeezes the can between long fingers. "My grandma used to make me drink it everyday." The older boy coughs into a laugh, smiles at the can in his grip, "She got sick one night, ending up choking when she tried to drink an entire pot of it." Suga's smile twists bitterly, Hinata swallows not sure how to respond to the mention of a friend's dead relative. Ends up patting the taller boy on the back, "I'll make you some ginger tea anytime you want, Suga-san." The older boy laughs, practically throws the can back onto the shelf where it had come from. "I loved her a lot, but I'm allergic to ginger." He can't but laugh at that.

He ends up taking the basket from Daichi, but doesn't let him put the watermelon back, he starts craving it the move he looks at it. The captain mumbles something under his breath, but he just nods, not sure if he would want to hear if he could. They end up grabbing a case of coffee in a can at Daichi's insistence. Suga questions the need to have twenty cans of coffee in the house, but the other boy refuses to budge. Suga ends up taking the basket, he ends up with the watermelon, and Daichi carries the coffee.

Older customers end up staring at them while they're checking out, he tries to ignore the looks and the whispers, hates the way they make his stomach clench. He loses control on his breathing before they pay for their stuff, ends up running out of the store as soon as he puts the watermelon in front of the cashier. Hinata calls Kenma, begs the older boy to help him catch his breath. "Calm down, Shouyou." Nods against the cellphone, but finds the words as irritating as they are calming. He's calm down if he could, but he can't. "Want to talk about it?" He doesn't, but agrees anyway. "They're staring at me." He's reminded of going to church with Kenma, strangers that all stare at him, judge him. "It's okay, Shouyou-chan, they're just looking at how cute you are." He splutters and blushes, tells Kenma to stop being stupid, the older boy makes a weird noise into the phone.

"I think you're cute, other people do too." He doesn't want to ask who, ends up grunting, asking for the older boy to continue talking without saying so. "Hey, Shouyou?" He hums quietly, trying to soak in the sound of Kenma's voice as much as possible. "I'm going to kiss you when you get here." He squeaks, but no words are made from the noise. "Would you like that, Shouyou-chan?" Nods against his cellphone, leans against the side of the grocery store as he imagines it. "Would you like that?" Kenma's voice is teasing now, but he can still make out the worry.

"Yes..." He mumbles, Kenma hums in return. "How's your breathing?" Shocked by the question, he pulls his attention back to his lungs, notices that he can actually draw in air and keep it. His heart is still pounding quickly, but not from panic like before. "Hinata?" Not-Kenma asks, pulls away from his phone, Daichi and Suga are both standing in front him, hands full of bags. "Thank you, I'll talk later." Kenma makes another noise, "Love you, Shouyou-chan." His face is burning now, snaps the phone closed without another word.

"Sorry!" He yells, taking all of the bags hanging from Suga's arms. "Panic attack?" The silver haired boy asks, his head jerks at the words, hate the way they sound out loud. He nods, stares at the ground. "I didn't think you had a problem with crowds." Hinata thinks it might be a question, he just shrugs, he didn't have a problem with volleyball crowds, but dozens of strangers make his head go empty. Ends up saying nothing, not sure how to word it without sounding stupid.

He refuses to talk about it as they walk to Daichi's house, his hands tremble as he looks at the entrance to it. Imagines Kuroo attacking his teammate, imagines Kuroo returning to hurt him again, or Daichi. He contemplates calling Kenma again, if only to check on the dark haired neighbor, and to calm his hard to manage breathing. Suga ends up staying late again, and he refuses to let the older boy walk into the dark, or for anyone else to leave the house until the sun is up. Suga laughs it off, stares at him almost knowingly as Daichi looks for a spare futon.

Suga helps him make dinner, he makes sure the older boy is always in his vision, just in case. Eventually he ends up just holding onto the end of Suga's shirt and cooks with one hand, he knows he's being stupid and paranoid, but Suga had already gotten hurt because he didn't think.

They end up at Daichi's study table, with bowls full of rice and seaweed soup, he doesn't start eating until Suga finishes, then watches as the two older boys start working on school stuff. He wonders what Suga is going to do in college, doesn't remember if Daichi had told him or not. _Maybe he can work at Daichi's bike store... and never leave._ He ends up staring at Suga instead of eating dinner, trying to translate the wrinkles on his face into a possible career. _I could just ask but... he looks busy._ He's not sure if he should interrupt for a stupid question, or if Suga will get mad talking about college.

The question still rattles in his mind as he does the dishes, occasionally glancing at the silver haired boy for more hints. He comes up blank, decides that Suga could do anything and maybe everything. Hinata ends up playing _Animal Crossing_ while Daichi finishes his schoolwork. "Don't you have something to work on?" Suga asks when he starts talking to Hanna, he looks up at the older boy and shrugs. He did have homework, but he didn't bring it with him, and had almost no intention of doing it until class started the next day. He shakes his head, feels almost guilty for lying.

"If you don't understand something, we can help you." Suga offers with a smile.

"N-no thanks, I'm probably too far behind to catch up anyway." He laughs about it, but nobody joins him, Suga ends up staring with cocked brows. Hinata realizes his mistake all too quickly, sighs to himself, and saves his game. He had a terrible feeling about this.

Suga ends up yelling at him while forcing him to learn from third year books, he literally had no idea what the older boy is even trying to teach him, ends up nodding whenever he gets stared at too long. "You should really improve on your academics, Shouyou, don't you want to go pro?" Not sure how those things relate, he just frowns at the older boy, waits for an explanation. Suga rolls his eyes, "Well, you can't get onto a pro team -or even a good one, right out of high school. Which means..." _I have to go to university. I'm going to die. I haven't done homework since school started, my life is over. I have no home and no future._ Hinata ends up crying into Suga's mathematics book, whimpering about his hopeless future.

He ends up actually studying for an hour, Suga promises that if he can understand calculus he can understand algebra. Not knowing he was even taking Algebra, Hinata allows the older boy to explain _mathematical principles_ as simply as possible. The older boy offers him a math problem, Hinata stares at it, Suga stares at him. Daichi's making tea even though they just had dinner, offers him the Ichigo. He starts thinking about Tokyo instead of the value of X.

There's a sudden urge to tell Suga everything he knows, that the Nekoma captain is the one that hurt him, that the dark haired boy brought on his fear of the darkness with barking laughter and flashes of light. Suga-san had offered to help him only because he didn't know the truth about everything.

Crawling into bed with Daichi, he stares at Suga as the older boy pulls off stiff bandages, replaces them with different ones. The wounds look half healed, most of the older boy's skin melding back together seamlessly. The setter wouldn't have scars, but he'd always be a messenger. He wonders if Suga will ever forget, thinks about all the things that he would never forget as well. Hinata allows himself to sleep when he notices that both of the other boys are already doing so, he left for Tokyo tomorrow after school, had until then to perfect his plan.

Hinata thinks about Tokyo and confronting Kuroo in between every action he does, wonders if the older boy will threaten him or laugh at him, confess to the act and asks who he's going to tell. Thinks about the pictures, pictures from the dark, and tries to steel his nerves. If Kuroo sent those pictures, everyone would hate him, but Suga-san would have an answer, could get closure. "Coffee stunts your growth." Kageyama ended up at his desk without him knowing, he stares at the taller boy, almost threatens to fight him. Decides it wouldn't be worth it, he'd need his strength if he had to fight Kuroo.

"No, it doesn't."

"Yes, it does."

"No- who even told you that?"

Kageyama pauses, stuffs a messy ball of rice and seaweed into his mouth, "My mother." The setter says, words muffled by food. Hinata blinks, he's never met Kageyama's family, doesn't know if Kageyama's mother has even seen coffee or is a coffee scientist of some sort. He doesn't feel like asking.

"I'll be fine." Drains the rest of the can to lament the fact, but it leaves him with nothing to do with his hands. Ends up attempting to study his algebra book, which is much different and more complex than calculus, for him at least, Suga had assured him that algebra was the easiest advanced math. Decides that taking the older boy's word for it was a mistake.

The rest of the day passes in a blur, except the mathematics class in which he asks why calculus is easier than algebra and the teacher just laughs at him, then runs out of the room. Hinata is left stunned, accepts awkward pats on the back for making their teacher run away, the man doesn't return. The bell rings and he rushes towards the gym with Kageyama right next to him.

He changes quickly, there was only two hours before the next train to Tokyo and he still didn't have an end goal in mind. Thought about postponing his confrontation with Kuroo, or just ditching Tokyo all together but an almost itch to see Kenma again decides for him. Kageyama stares at him when he starts stretching again, debates on telling the taller boy where he was going but decides he doesn't need more questions besides the ones he already had.

Daichi waves him off, tells him to be safe and take care of himself. He nods, grabs the two bags with his only possessions and sneaks onto the afternoon train to Tokyo. The ride is longer than he remembers, he takes shifts staring at his phone and making up backstories for the passengers that sit next to him. One of them, a grumpy looking old man, asks him to stand and he ends up dangling from a nearby handle until the jerk leaves. He tells Kenma that Nippori station is half an hour away. He's only slightly disappointed that Kenma doesn't want to come pick him up, he's pretty sure that he was promised a kiss as soon as he arrives in Tokyo, but can't help but smile when the train finally stops. 

Jumping from the train to the station, he takes in the loud city around him, so different from any place in Miyagi. It's also raining, and Hinata isn't sure why that surprises him. He's still smiling while he walks through obnoxiously large puddles, following flocks of umbrellas that keep him partially dry he ends up in Nakameguro quickly. He takes in the sights as they pass, slowing his pace to soak up each sensation, even stops between one of the bridges and stares into the swirling mess of water below. The river is almost bleak in color, matches the cement below it and the dark clouds above it, but there's something he really likes about it. Ends up staring at ripples the falling rain produces for much longer than he had anticipated. 

There are no leaves on the cherry blossoms, and the cement isn't stained pink, but the bright branches still hold magic in them because they lead him towards Kenma's house. Steam bellows from the squid store, almost draws him in, but he has nothing in his wallet an even older photo of Natsu. He walks faster when he thinks about that, thinks about leaving behind Miyagi for Tokyo. Permanently. Wonders only for a second if Natsu had grown any in the time he's been gone. 

Kenma's house looms over him, and his giddiness is gone almost instantly. He remembers being slammed against an identical door, flashes of light and choking. Knows that Kenma's house doesn't hold the same darkness, that there's always light and that Kenma will be there instead of anyone else. Hinata surges forward, doesn't even knock as he throws himself through the doorway and shuts it behind him. 

"Ah, Shrimpy! We were just about come looking for you!" He knows that voice, almost certain he's barged into the wrong house. Kuroo is standing on the far end of the hallway, his black hair a tussled mess like it's always been. Kuroo's house. Wonders if he just imagined the flowers and  _Kozume_ etched into the gate outside. Kenma emerges soon after, Hinata can recognize the sound of his feet on the floorboards, so he doesn't have to look up to know the older boy is there. 

"He wouldn't leave." Kenma offers bluntly, he nods, apologizes for bursting in and starts to take off his shoes. Kuroo was in Kenma's house.  _He's here._ He's not sure why it surprises him, Kuroo and Kenma were neighbors and friends and volleyball partners. Of course the dark haired boy would show up at some point, Hinata just thought he would be more prepared for when that moment comes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sawamura Daichi.


	30. Chapter Thirty: Kuroo I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV Chapter

** Chapter Thirty: Kuroo I **

Kuroo Tetsurou liked to think he was a good guy. He was prone to helping the people around him in anyway he could, but there were exceptions. A select few who he helped in _every_ way that he could. Kuroo could count them on a single hand. _Mom, Dad, and Kenma._ The last one had taken him as a surprise, he'd known the younger boy for years, would consider him his best friend without a doubt. It was during his first year of high school that he realized that Kenma was one of his special people. He'd been devastated at the fact that he wouldn't be see the younger boy at all during school hours.

That year had been one of his harder ones, but it also gave Kuroo hope. He forced the younger boy to practice everyday, something they could do together when Kenma came to Nekoma. Almost didn't notice Kenma was saying something he was so excited. "I'm not going to high school." Something hurt at the words. Doesn't have an answer until he finishes lecturing the younger boy at the importance of getting a good education when he has the opportunity. _Heart,_ he realizes, settles a hand over the beating organ, feels its painful beating as he walks from Kenma's house to his.

It wasn't his intention to ignore one of his precious people. "Practice." He spits out bitterly whenever Kenma asks, "I'm not ignoring you. It's your choice." Didn't admit how hard it was to think of Kenma as his own person instead of a number on his finger. The middle one, the one that could stretch the farthest without breaking. Kuroo also doesn't admit that he cries the night that Kenma agrees to go to Nekoma, instead he e-mails him their practice schedule.

He's a little irritated that Kenma doesn't take school as seriously as he does, doesn't take advantage of the resources around him, or abuse the time they have together. Kenma calls him lame, and a nerd; he laughs the first time Kenma comes home with a zero on his test. The younger boy hadn't even attempted to answer the questions. Taking it upon himself to tutor his precious person, he strikes a deal with Kenma. Kuroo would make sure that Kenma passed all of his classes, and Kenma would give his all to the team.

Kenma isn't pleased with the deal, he can see that Kenma is considering dropping out. "You can't fund you collection if you don't have a good job." He announces, gesturing to the shelves of video games that take up most of the younger boy's room. Watches Kenma huff angrily, but Kuroo can see emotion in the other's golden eyes. Kenma looks like he might yell at him, like he might argue and scream, but the dark haired boy is mostly composed and practically silent. "I'll even pay for your next appointment." Kenma hated spending money on appearances and his health, "Maybe blue this time?" His precious person glares at him, but their hands shake. Kenma passes the the next two tests, but Kuroo is more pleased when Kenma ends up with a single streak of blue through his bangs.

The blue is gone three months later, "It's distracting." Kenma admits after being asked six times. The taller boy has trouble accepting that, but their deal is still there, ends up smiling as he spouts random trivia about the history of the dogwood tree. Kenma doesn't sign up for botany during his second year, gets into astronomy at his suggestion, doesn't tell Kenma about the forty-thousand yen telescope until the younger boy asks him for help on his first test.

It's one of his more fond memories, carrying a giant box onto the train, Kenma half smirking on the other side of it. They end up in Odaiba. Pulling what wasn't a picnic out of his bag after he finished setting up his telescope, Kenma had called him a nerd, but there had been more infliction in the younger boy's tone than usual. The blond had denied it, hid his face by shoving it into telescope's eyepiece. He kissed Kenma that night, couldn't ignore the sugar on the younger boy's lips. Kenma had stared at him for a long time when he pulled back, Kuroo remembers twitching under the golden gaze. Watched in awe when Kenma's fingers, long and slender, started to trace his recently kissed lips. They kissed more, so long that Kuroo was sure the stars would be gone by the time they returned to looking at them. Kenma just glared at him when he brought up the reason they were there.

They don't talk about it. Kenma refuses to acknowledge that it even happened. He mopes, accidentally ignores the younger boy for two weeks until Kenma shows up at his bedroom. Kenma calls him an idiot, pushes him away when Kuroo leans in for another kiss. Kenma points out that they're both men, tells him about how Hell would swallow him if he continued to think like that. He points out that Kenma doesn't even believe in his religion. The blond almost smiles, tells him about his next test. They don't kiss again.

He wonders what Kenma would say if the younger boy even found out he wrote about that moment in Odaiba. How he could see the stars reflected off of Kenma's pupils, how bright they looked when imprisoned in amber. He writes about that night for a long time, then the paper starts getting wet. He tells himself not to cry, that it had been one of the best moments in his life, but fat fears block up the last line on the paper. He knows what he was going to write, thinks about ruined paper whenever he sees Kenma. That paragraph, not a poem because poems are for girls, is tucked away under under the cover of a book of constellations.

Kuroo knows Kenma better than anyone, knows what the blond's taste like, know what each scrunch of his face means, and most importantly, he knows when Kenma is lying. He's more interesting in why. "Can't." Kenma says to his offer, his offer of video games and companionship, things that Kenma wants. "Family stuff." The shorter boy explains, but there's no groaning when the younger boy talks about his family. There's always groaning. "No practice today." Doesn't tell Kenma that he cancelled their team meeting so they could have more time together. Kenma hums from behind him, he can hear the rapid clicks of Kenma's PSP, can hear Kenma muttering to himself about how unfair his game is.

"When are you free?" Words that are unfamiliar to him when it comes to Kenma, the younger boy had always been nonresistant to his presence. Kenma hums again, Kuroo can hear the irritation as Kenma clicks pause. "Sometime next week." Is mumbled into the wind, "Maybe." _Maybe._ He's uncomfortable with maybe. Maybe could mean anything. It usually meant no coming from Kenma, but Kenma had never maybe'd him. "Want to go to a college game on Wednesday?" Might as well test how _maybe_ Kenma was feeling. "What team?" The younger boy asks like he's almost interested, but buttons are being noisily smashed again. He almost laughs at the question as he processes it, wonders when Kenma will realize there was only one college team worth watching.

"Tokyo University, duh!" He glances at the boy using him as shield. "I'll think about it." Is the other's response. Kuroo had only managed to drag him to one college game, Kenma vowed never to return no matter how many pies were offered. "I'll get two good seats, just in case." Smiles at the failed joke, Tokyo University's gym was usually empty of observers, something he would change when he joined the team. Kenma hums, confirmation of his words being heard but offering no response. He shrugs, slows his pace so he can get a better look at his precious friend.

He almost gapes when Kenma's game is stowed away in his school bag, a rare sight even for him. Kuroo smiles, taking in the back to back sighs. "Is there something wrong?" Kenma asks seriously. He feels his head tilt at the question, Kenma was acting weird and dares to ask him if there's a problem. _Family stuff._ There is something wrong. He laughs to hold back his response, Smiles harder when Kenma sighs for the third time. "Are you okay?" Kenma asks, Kuroo soaks in the feeling of amber roaming his body.

"I was pretty sure I was asking the questions." He says instead of answering the questions, "Are _you_ okay?" He asks right back, almost laughing again when his blond friend sighs. "I'm fine." Is the answer he gets, but he's certain that Kenma is lying. Intends to find out why. "If you're sure." Shifts his tone to almost make a question, Kenma ignores him and starts walking. A tell of his irritation, he catches up to the shorter boy easily and walks by his side silently. Counts each of the steps that Kenma makes, until they're walking through the gate of Kenma's home.

He almost doesn't catch the smaller boy's next action, finger twisting against a resisting knob, a key. _Nobody is home._ He could go inside, bother Kenma until the younger boy spills. Almost does, but decides to let his precious person keep his secret. _For now,_ he decides, wondering at which moment he'll have to interrogate his best friend. He pretends to look away, waits until Kenma is on the other end of the door before letting his eyes fall onto a blank face. "See you at the game!" He croons, chuckles when the door is promptly shut in his face.

Kenma was a trustworthy kid, but that didn't apply to every situation. Like now. He walks back to his own home, ponders over the secret that Kenma could have. Tokyo was a big place, full of crime and drugs. Kenma has the option to do anything. Kuroo is certain that the younger boy will be inside of his house, playing video games until _family stuff_ happens. That doesn't deter him from watching Kenma's house, trying to convince himself that he's not spying on a neighbor, but watching over a friend. His best friend.

Kuroo almost looks away, tries to look away, but he can't. Kenma was walking, a different bag on his shoulder. He almost opens the window and screams at the younger boy, but decides to remain hidden as he watches his precious person walk in unfamiliar path. There's a moment of consideration, a brief one, as he's pulling his shoes back on and slamming his front door, that maybe he should be happy that Kenma is doing things on his own. The dread that fills his gut keeps him going, maintaining just enough distance to avoid looking like a pervert.

A station. Kenma stops at a station. He's not sure what he expects, continues watching as the shorter boy pays for a ticket. Waits half a second longer then quickly purchases his own, Kuroo picks the cabin next to Kenma's, the distance is enough to make Kenma's face indistinct, but the blond is the only one with a computer on his lap. His foot starts shaking as he watches his friend, waiting for something to happen. The train lurches under them, loud noises only a machine could make. He doesn't stare through the windows of the doors that separate them, but he does look up whenever the transport eases to a stop. Kenma doesn't move for a long time, so neither does he.

He wonders if this was a mistake, if Kenma just had a secret hobby of watching movies while on a train. The train stops again. Kenma stands up, and Kuroo waits. Slides out of the cabin doors just before they close. "Kenma!" He hears, glances across the sparse exiting passengers wondering if it was actually him that had yelled. He almost screams when he spots Kenma across the station and _talking with someone._ He eases closer until he can spot the gold in Kenma's pupils. He sees orange instead. "How was the ride?" A familiar middle blocker chirps, Kuroo's feet itch when he feels the need to stomp over and demand an explanation. _Miyagi._

Kenma is in Miyagi. Where Karasuno is located, where that middle blocker most likely lives. Tells himself not to jump to conclusions, deems the situation a complete coincidence. Considers the possibility that Kenma has family in Miyagi that he doesn't know about. "How was the ride?" He hears as he slips forward, feeling almost exposed in the afternoon light. He can barely hear Kenma's response. "Fine." The blond's voice states, almost sounding bored. Kuroo smiles.

"Want me to take your bags? It's a pretty long walk to my house." Catches a brief glimpse of a smile from Hinata Shouyou's mouth, he's too focused on holding back whatever is attempting to come out of his mouth. _My house._ Kenma came to Miyagi to visit. Visit not family. He should be satisfied. Kuroo had found out his friend's secret. The truth only makes him furious and confused. _Why did he lie?_ Tries to draw a conclusion from empty theories. Knows that Kenma had run away to Miyagi to visit that shrimp, but he can't figure out why.

He's following them before he can help himself. Watches Kenma offer over his bag, and pat the orange fluff on the head. Hinata Shouyou flinches under Kenma's hand. The walk is long, Kenma looks like he might drop dead at any moment, and he's feeling almost the same. They end up in a town, old and almost barren, but Hinata is practically bouncing as he points out random buildings. "That's where our team gets meat buns after practice!" The orange blob squeaks, then starts dragging his precious person inside of a dirty looking building. He doesn't follow them, or even look into the window of the establishment.

Kenma and Hinata are out moments later, a greasy white bag shaking in the middle blocker's hand. He watches as Kenma starts eating what could only be a meat buns, watches his blond friend's face scrunch up in distaste, the snack is finished quickly and shorty is tugging on his best friend's arm. Kuroo follows slowly, all the way up a too steep hill, he glares at Hinata Shouyou for living in an inconvenient region. Silently curses the boy for forcing his Kenma on such a treacherous journey.

Kuroo watches as a too short middle blocker pulls his Kenma towards a small house. _Hinata Shouyou's house,_ he realizes, glares at the building as Kenma is dragged into it. That's the end of his journey, he stands there, staring, for a long time. Praying that his best friend will end up running out of the house, begging to be taken home, but Kenma doesn't know that he is there. He retraces his steps, not pouting and not cursing the existence of a orange haired little brat, taking his Kenma away from him.

He doesn't look back at the shrimp's house, even if his Kenma is inside of it. Kenma inside of a house that isn't stationed in Tokyo. It's a rather jarring revelation, his lazy best friend who doesn't even have enough energy to walk to school everyday, taking an hour walk to go to an almost stranger's house. He thinks about it the entire way to the station, retracing his steps carefully.

There was little that he knew about Hinata Shouyou, short with orange hair, excitable and dedicated. Loud. Big smile and impressive legs that propelled him above the net. Kuroo recalls the first time he met Hinata Shouyou, the barely half a minute with no words exchanged between them. Picking up his best friend from being lost, seeing bright hair, like dying beams of sunlight, and wide, fearful eyes. Meeting Hinata Souyou was an interesting interaction, someone being scared of him just by looking at them, someone who made Kenma smile briefly as they walked away from the scene.

It was exhilarating and almost terrifying, how someone small and weird could make Kenma react that way. He just remembers catching wide brown eyes and awkward stuttering. The middle blocker was much different on the court, still awkward and eyes still wide, but there was something else. Something he was drawn to, a different way than he could explain. A feeling weaker than his feelings for Kenma, but definitely stronger than it should be for a stranger. Kuroo thinks he could be friends with Hinata Shouyou, good friends even. The orange haired boy had made his Kenma smile, had inspired the blond in a way that he couldn't manage after years of trying. He also resents the middle blocker. Hates him for doing things he couldn't. Hates him for drawing reactions from Kenma so easily.

He wants revenge, but he also wants something else. Answers. Wants to know what could be so special about an underdeveloped, obnoxious brat. Kuroo can wait. Read that patience is a trademark quality in a good captain. He'd wait for his chance. Nodding to himself, Kuroo decides to leave Kenma in Miyagi, with Shouyou.

Then he's on the ground, cursing as his face collides with concrete. "What the hell!" He shouts, coughing up gravel and rocks. _Stupid fucking Miyagi._ He turns onto his back once the coughing is finished, spots a big pale hand. "Kuroo-san?" The hand asks, he stares at it for a moment before getting to the ground on his own. Wiping dust and the stench of betrayal off of his clothes, he looks at the stupid person who knocked him over. "...Oikawa?" He didn't mean to pose it as a question, he's just rather shocked, Seijoh wasn't around this town if he remembered correctly.

"Ah, you do remember! So, what brings you out here, Kuroo-chan?" Kuroo blinks. _chan?_ Stares at Oikawa Tooru for a long time. "Nothing." He answers, recalling that he'd been asked a question. "What are you doing here? Isn't your school like, that way?" He points towards a random direction, not sure why either of them are here. Oikawa's smile drops a fraction, Kuroo smirks at the sight, wondering if he's actually winning this stupid argument. "Isn't your school farther away, Nekoma captain? Or did the little kitty get lost?" The other boy coos, wiggling a finger at him.

Kuroo throws a punch. Connects with Oikawa's shoulder instead of his chest when the other boy leans away from it. "Now now, Kitty-chan, I was just being nice." There's something unsettling in Oikawa's tone, but he makes sure his unease doesn't show on his face. "Let's a deal, then!" The other boy chuckles, making his floppy hair bounce softly. Kuroo wants to rip it off. "I'll tell you why I'm here, then you tell me the same." The Seijoh captain claps his hands together, the smile is back and it almost distracts him from the look in Oikawa's eyes.

He's not curious, but something tells him it'd just be easier to agree to the stupid conditions. "Fine." He mutters, sighs when Oikawa offers his stupid hand and ends up shaking it anyway. "I'm here to see my chibi-chan!" Oikawa chirps as soon as the deal is struck. Kuroo blinks, _it couldn't be,_ then pouts. "Hinata Shouyou." They say is almost simultaneously, but Oikawa's tone is filled with cheer while his is filled with contempt. "You know him, then?" He nods, glaring at the other boy now. A friend of a friend-stealing little runt was not someone with whom he'd like to communicate with.

"Something wrong, Kuroo-chan?" Kuroo's fist trembles at the honorific, wondering why this idiot was still talking to him. "You seem..." Oikawa taps his chin in thought before smiling brightly, he can't help but flinch away from the lecherous expression, a clear sign of danger. He'd only played against Seijoh once, but had heard plenty of rumors about their captain, none of them pleasant. "So, why are you here?" Oikawa asks instead of finishing his previous statement. Kuroo can't think of a lie fast enough and it's going to be more obvious if he doesn't say anything.

"Meat buns." He says smoothly, watches Oikawa's face for disbelief, but nothing shifts. "Your fists seem to be empty, and quite clenched. Is something wrong?" _You,_ he's not scared but the other captain puts him on edge. "I ate them- And I should really get going." He turns around, starts walking towards the station, but is stopped. Kuroo knows why, almost groans loudly, curses the stupidly persistent captain behind him. "Don't you have a shrimp to see?" He barks, trying to shake the other boy's hand from his shoulder. It doesn't budge.

"No need to be rude, Kuroo-chan, just looking out for a friend." He scoffs at Oikawa's words, he never thought that the Aoba Johsai captain would be a loon. "Any friend of chibi-chan's is a friend of mine." Growling at the words he lashes out, "That runt isn't my friend!" Oikawa just laughs and Kuroo realizes he might have made a mistake. "And why is that? Something you don't like about him?" The other captain smirks, teeth gleaming like he just knows everything. "Nothing." He says crossly, trying once more to pull his shoulder away from the captain's grasp. It still doesn't budge. Kuroo wonders what the point of this is, asking him stupid questions and refusing to let him leave, it's almost like Oikawa Tooru is looking for a fight.

"What is your relation to my chibi-chan?" _My. Mine._ Remembers when he had someone who was just his, he's pretty sure that Oikawa and Hinata Shouyou don't share the same relationship as he and Kenma do. "I was checking on my friend." Oikawa's smile tightens. "I thought you said he wasn't your friend?" Kuroo rolls his eyes, "My friend is staying at that idiot's house." Oikawa's lips form a ring for a moment. "That doesn't really explain why _you_ are here, though."

"I followed him here." Oikawa nods slightly, "Are you worried about them?" Kuroo frowns, shrugs, keeps that information to himself. "If you were wise, Kuroo-chan, I'd keep your friend away from my property." He throws another punch, but the other captain barely dodges it. "Don't threaten Kenma, you little shit." He growls, but Oikawa is laughing again, the noise makes his fists itch. "So, is this Kenma person important to you?" Kuroo freezes at the question.

"Yes, obviously, or I wouldn't be here." Oikawa nods again, "Do you know where my chibi-chan lives?" He thinks it might be an honest question, Kuroo snuffs a smirk before it can show. "Aren't you his friend? Shouldn't you know?" It's an obvious taunt, sickly enjoy the way Oikawa's face twitches at his words. A similar power he held over Hinata Shouyou, like he could scare him off with just a look. "Ah, well, if you don't tell me, how are you going to make sure nothing happens between them?" He frowns at that, not quite sure what Oikawa was getting at.

"You don't think your Kenma would replace you, do you?" He shakes his head, but there's a spike of fear that makes his blood freeze at the words. "Of course, I can't control everything that happens if my chibi-chan ends up in Tokyo. But I'm sure you'll look out for him, the same way I look out for Kenma, right?" Kuroo finds himself nodding reluctantly, he's not sure what Oikawa had in mind. "Don't touch Kenma." He warns, Oikawa's hand drops from his shoulder.

"I wouldn't dream of it, Kuroo-chan." Oikawa offers his hand, they make a deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally have so many NOTPs I need some chill in my life. In Haikyuu!!'s case, literally anyone who is not in love with Shouyou is my NOTP. In case you were wondering.


	31. Chapter Thirty-One

**Chapter Thirty-One: Kuroo II**

As much as he loathed to admit it, he and Oikawa had a lot in common. They both had best friends they would die for, people who they would kill for. Special, precious people that if they lost, the world would burn until those people were returned. Kuroo wanted to hate Oikawa Tooru, wanted to finish what he started when he threw that first punch. But he couldn't, not when he almost respected the other captain. Oikawa was so in love he almost beat up his best friend for it, he laughed, his best friend and the person he loved were the same person but even he felt the urge sometimes.

Oikawa liked space, but the fascination was different than his own. Grand King, _as my chibi-chan calls me,_ wants to find life outside of earth. Kuroo just wants to relive that moment in Odaiba everyday until he and Kenma die, staring at stars through amber film, sharing warmth and lips. He doesn't tell Oikawa about Odaiba, it's too special for others to know about. The other boy is like an open book, though, spilling his every thought about his favorite orange haired brat.

"Did you say anything?" He asks, sipping at a weirdly flavored coffee. Kuroo makes an idle mental note to never purchase coffee in Miyagi again as he waits for Oikawa's answer. "I think I scared him." The other boy admits after he finishes staring into the abyss of brown water. He snorts, recalling his meeting with Hinata Shouyou, tells Oikawa how he almost made the kid piss his pants. The Seijoh captain laughs, things are a little easier after that.

They share numbers quietly, ignoring the omnipresent stares both of them are getting from every person in the cafe they're stationed in. "Is this normal?" He half whispers, taking a glance at a particular girl who has Oikawa's face printed on her shirt. Oikawa follows his gaze, Kuroo watches as the other boy swallows a laugh and offers the girl a smile. She faints, Oikawa turns back around without moving. "Pretty normal, at least they put the markers away this time." He can't help but express his curiosity when Oikawa shudders.

"I had to sign so many body parts... Not all of them pleasant." He cackles at the other boy's expense, ignoring the half glare he's receiving from the captain and every female in the store. "I can never look at a breast again." Oikawa says, horrified but resolute. "Never?" He asks, because even if his sole purpose in life was to protect and love Kenma, he still looked around. Oikawa shrugs, "I don't mind as much, now that I have my chibi-chan." There's something cheerful in Oikawa's face, but also something he can't identify.

"What do you like about him?" He asks, staring down into his empty cup, "Specifically." He says, hoping that Oikawa will hold back another rant on the runt's _amazing_ hair. The other captain taps his chin in thought, Kuroo can see his brows are furrowed under curved bangs. "There's just something about him. Something that pulls me in, like, _hey I'm short and cute, please love me and dominate me."_ He blinks. "Dominate?" Oikawa blinks, his cheeks are red. _Oh god._ "You mean you-" He can't say it. _Oikawa Tooru, a pervert._

"I've never- Not before... Only for him!" The other boy splutters indignantly, blushing hard. Kuroo is pretty sure he hears more bodies hitting the ground. "I think I kind of see it." He says after a while, explains himself slowly while the other boy glares at him suddenly. "You're what- like, twenty centimeters taller than him. You look more like his dad than-" Kuroo doesn't finish the sentence, not even sure how to describe Oikawa's _relationship_ with Hinata Shouyou.

"I'm not a pervert!" The other boy squeaks, hiding his face in his hands like a child. Kuroo shrugs, smirks down at the hunched over captain. "I'm sure in twenty years, you'll fit the role perfectly." He chuckles at Oikawa's pained groan. "More importantly," he says almost reluctantly, as much as Kuroo liked hanging out with the other captain, he had things to do. "Why are we here, Oikawa-san?" He says the words quietly, a sign to make the conversation more private. They had a deal after all.

Oikawa perks up, leans forward on their shared table until he can see specks of not-brown in the setter's omniscient eyes. "Of course, down to business, then." The setter's smile is gone, along with the color in his cheeks. "We made a deal, protect each other's property when they're in each other's city." Kuroo's brow tightens slightly at the way Oikawa phrased his words. Kenma wasn't his, let alone his _property._ He nods anyway, "Anything else?" Because he knows he should ask. Kuroo could be manipulative, work things in his favor easily, but Oikawa was something else. Dangerous.

"Don't tell either of them about this, we don't even know each other." He nods expectantly, "And, do keep your paws off of my toy." Kuroo holds back a flinch at the term, wondering if Oikawa actually realized that Hinata Shouyou was a person, even if he was short and an easy target. "At least for now." He feels his gut dropping at the words.

"For now?" Kuroo echoes, swallows hard when Oikawa's gaze hardens significantly. "You said you liked him too, right, Kuroo-chan?" Tries to recall an instance where he hadn't insulted the brat. "I don't think-" He's cut off by Oikawa's manic grin, "Nothing brings people closer than a little... trauma." Kuroo is pretty sure he can feel his blood stop pumping when he hears the other boy laugh. _Trauma._ "Just nothing too rough, he's still mine after all."

He's in over his head. He's pretty sure that Oikawa Tooru would actually hurt someone over Hinata, hurt someone bad. "Right." Lowers his voice to an almost growl, "Just don't lay a hand on Kenma." Oikawa's nod doesn't reassure him as much as he'd like. "I only have one thing on my mind." Another laugh Kuroo can only describe as evil has his gut squirming. He almost feels bad for Hinata, but remembering why he's even here ignites more anger than sympathy.

"I think that about covers it, then." Oikawa leans back, smiling at the people around them. "Wait- What... What do I get from this?" Curses the way he's stuttering over stupid words, Oikawa's smile lands on him, eyes hard and almost threatening. "You only want him, right?" He nods, Kuroo would take Kenma over anything, but he planned on doing it honestly. Legally, as well. "Then I'll make sure you get your wish." Something about the other captain's words set him on edge, leave him frozen while Oikawa stands up.

Oikawa leaves without another word, taking dread and a crowd of girls with him. Kuroo sits there, staring into an empty cup and wondering if he's doing the right thing. _For Kenma,_ he promises. He'd do anything for the younger boy, if that including _traumatizing Oikawa's toy,_ he thinks he could manage it. His stomach is not so sure, Kuroo blames it on Miyagi's watered down coffee. Throwing his empty cup away, he decides to head back to Tokyo. Miyagi was too much for him, he mused on that thought, wondering if Kenma was overwhelmed by the farming town as much as he was.

The Seijoh captain texts him as soon as he sits back on the train, he wonders if that's by coincidence, but quickly opens the message. A picture of Hinata and Kenma sitting together, he's pretty sure there's a window distorting the image. _This guy is fucking crazy._ Tucking his phone in his pocket, he contemplates Oikawa's words. He knows that crazy people don't rationalize their feelings, but Kuroo can't help but wonder if Oikawa is crazy or just infatuated. He'd done some crazy things to get Kenma's attention, like jump off of the boy's roof, but he's never stalked Kenma through his window with a camera phone.

It's almost dark by the time the train pulls into Nippori station, Kuroo is tired but anxious, unsure how to process any of the events that just happened. He takes his revenge out on the court, slamming balls down onto the empty court until the ball cart is empty and his eyes are itching. Tries not to think about anything except where all the balls went, sighs loudly and a spike of loneliness sets in when the sound echoes across the empty gym. He should warn Kenma, if not Hinata, but his body stops responding when he glances at his phone.

A deal. Oikawa would get Kenma for him, but won't hurt him. He's not sure that's possible, Kenma's only been fond of him, but would never love him in return. Admitting it hurt, something he could never say out loud, but he wishes it could be true. Oikawa would help him, in a sick twisted way, he's sure of it. The backlash wouldn't even hurt if he could hear Kenma say those words to him. "I love you." He whispers to the picture of Hinata and Kenma.

A room with a lock was a blessing, a barrier between everything that was real. His bedroom had been his sanctuary for as long as he could remember, a place that wasn't filled with Kenma, even when it was. Pictures of them growing up, his favorite is the hardest to see, Kenma would probably kill him if he knew he had this. The streak of blue is taunting him, calling to him, if he stare hard enough he's certain he can see stars reflecting off Kenma's hair. The image is makes him disconnect further from what is real, pulls him into a back to Odaiba. Memories start to drift together, stars set in amber start to drift under his eyelids, there's music, the same piece Kenma played last year in middle school. Kenma's hair had been dark and short then, starry night Kenma starts to blur as he tries to recall three version of the younger boy.

Kuroo pulls back before the song ends, knowing that the last notes would break him. The picture frame is set back down with shaking hands, hidden in the corner with the older ones, the precious ones. He pulls sheets and blankets, settles his head between two pillows because he's vaguely aware that the music will start again once his guard is down. There's shaking and sobbing that he's certain isn't his own, he can barely hear the noises but he can feel the vibrations that make his lungs convulse.

Tears settle into the fabric under his face, he can smell the salt in them, pulls him back to endless practices where Kenma uses him as a chair. Can remember the coarseness in the sweaty locks as easily as he can breathe. It's hard to pulls memories that aren't revolved around Kenma, snorts at the poetic nature of his thoughts, nobody else could see Kenma as the sun. Most people didn't even see Kenma as anything more than a stuck-up, snob. Or the quiet kid with murderous expressions. Some didn't even get a glimpse past two-toned hair and a game. Kuroo has seen it all, knows the other boy like he knows himself. _So why?_ He asks himself, _Is he hanging with that little shit?_ There's a lot of feelings that surround Hinata Shouyou, none of them are clear as they are for Kenma. He loves Kenma, simple as that; but Hinata Shouyou was annoying, a fearful runt who could soar above a net.

Shook his head, wiping away thoughts with the sound of his hair scraping against a carapace of pillows. Hinata Shouyou's athletic ability had no importance. Hinata had stolen his friend, had Kenma wrapped around his underdeveloped finger. He could crush Hinata in every way, but he had to be discrete; Kenma would know if something changed, could read everyone but him apparently. Couldn't see how hard he'd been working for the younger boy's affection. _I love you._ Hearing the words in Kenma's voice weren't as meaningful without endless gold to look into.

He should breathe easier without tears and sobs, but something weighs down his lungs, fills them with hate and dread. Kuroo feels bad for Hinata, getting caught by Oikawa's attentions, pulling in his hated because he stole Kenma, if only for a few days. There's no forgiveness, he resents the orange haired boy as much as he feels sorry for him. He wonders if the runt can see what he sees, can see how bright and amazing Kenma is. Tries not to think about it further, he wanted nothing in common with Hinata Shouyou, the boy who tempted Oikawa.

His phone vibrates after he finally puts a stopper on his emotions. Another message from Oikawa. Kuroo thinks about not opening, ignoring it until Kenma is back in Tokyo. Another vibration rips his reluctance out from under him, both of the messages are from Oikawa but only one of them has a picture.

Ignoring the wave of unease that the image gives him, he takes in every pixel, the image is blurred by what he assumes is a curtain. Feels his face morph into a cringe at the realization, but almost smiles when he spots Kenma. The half blond in gifted pajamas, a gift from him almost a lifetime ago, a warm blue that pulls out that night in Odaiba. Dark as a spring night, and he's able to take in the form of his precious person. Hinata's attention draws him away like a too bright light, stretches of pale skin and a too large hoodie.

 **"My Shouyou is so perfect!"** Oikawa's message states, littered with Emojis that make the psychopathic setter seem a little more human. He agrees in his reply, careful to seem as disinterested as possible, even if he does save the image to his phone and memory. Kuroo can see why Oikawa likes the small boy, but he knows there's more to it to love than appearances. Doubts that _Grand King_ could ever love Hinata, not in the way he loves Kenma, or even remotely similar. The Seijoh captain might not even _like_ Hinata, but he was obsessed. And that made him dangerous.

The next two days pass in agony, filled with long silences and a lot him staring at a wall. It's hard to remember a time when he was truly alone, Kuroo had always had Kenma to bother. Never feeling lonely even when it took the younger boy hours to reply to his message. Now he couldn't even form a text to Kenma that didn't revolve around Oikawa and his deal. The Seijoh captain sends him picture after picture, all of them feature the two younger boys interacting with each other, playing volleyball or eating meat buns. The last one arrives midday on Sunday, both of the younger boys are in button-ups and formal pants. _Church._ A religion that Kenma admits to hating, but practices frequently. He thinks he understands now.

That night Oikawa messages him, he knows that there will be no pictures of Kenma, can see the younger boy's bedroom light from his window. He hates how curious he gets, but he opens them, reads the text with horrified interest. Hinata Shouyou texted Oikawa, he almost prays for the small, orange haired boy. "A death certificate would have been easier." He muses, tugging curtains away to get a glimpse of his precious person. Tokyo seems quieter when Kenma is in it, peaceful even, the sounds of rain and car horns further away. His breath hitches when he spots a sliver of blond, a smile tugs at his lips before his phone takes it away.

 **"He asked me do you look and act nice or are you mean and look nice. How do I respond?"** Kuroo sighs, longer than necessary with no Kenma to question his distress. He's certain that Oikawa is fucking with him, playing games sicker than what he's used to. He's pretty sure that sudden changes in personalities is indicative of something.

 **"Tell him that you're always nice"** The phone is quiet again, allows him to sit in the dark and stare out of his window. Doesn't admit that the action is only taking place so he can look into another window, but every distant flash of yellow and black have his heart pounding. Kuroo thinks he can see a math book in Kenma's hands, he smiles fondly, wishing the distance didn't feel so great. The vibration makes the distance even greater, like waves that send him flying one way and Kenma the other.

**"He says that Kenma looks mean and is really nice, is that true?"**

**"Of course it is! Kenma is the best."** Replying as fast as he did felt like a mistake, Oikawa would definitely gather _something_ from his defensive message. He can almost hear the other captain's chuckle, the imaginary sound makes him cringe.

 **"My little chibi-chan has never dated anyone!"** He's not sure what to make of that, thinks he would be happy for Oikawa if they were actually friends instead of deal-makers, the information seems useless in his head.

 **"He thinks it's a bad idea if we date, what do I do?"** _Accept it and leave me alone._ Kuroo can feel his fingers itching to type out just that, but he doesn't. Instead, he tries to think of something that might be helpful, but he's drawing a blank, he's never someone as strange as Hinata, both scared and excited to talk to everyone. _Two things at once, maybe they're meant for each other._ Scoffs at the prospect but tells Oikawa that he should offer to train him or something. _Manipulate_ almost gets typed out, but he's not sure where his boundaries with Oikawa are yet.

 **"You're a genius!"** More lines of just emojis. The irritation makes him more regretful of this decision than how immoral it is. Assuming the _plan_ worked, he sets his phone down for the night, and looks towards Kenma's bedroom. Sighs when he notices that the math book has been replaced with a controller, it's cute, something he loves about Kenma, but it's also frustrating. Kuroo's not sure if he'd be closer or further away from the younger boy if he didn't tutor him. Settling against the windowsill, he watches his precious person until they both fall asleep.

Kenma's doorbell is under his finger before he can help himself, he's still surprised that he even waited all night to visit the younger boy. "Ah, Kuroo-kun!" Kenma's mother is the one that answers the door, he's surprised she's up this early. "Kenma's asleep." She says, but she opens the door. "When is he not." He muses back, she smiles, then offers him tea and a bar stool. "You're up early." He swallows the lump in his throat, cursing how Aki could draw connections from almost nothing. "Long night?" She asks, he hears the sink running but can feel her eyes scanning his soul.

"Something like that." He admits quietly, finding interest in his fingernails. She hums and he tries to remember if it was her that started the bad habit all of them have. "Ah, we're running low on sugar." There's scribbling, then steam rising into his face. "Thank you very much." He says as formally as possible, a habit that hasn't died despite their long history. "Did you go to Miyagi as well?" He chokes on an awkward sip of tea, staring at the woman with wide eyes. "I- What?" He asks, trying to sound both confused and casual.

The quirk of her eyebrows tells him what he needs to know, "Kenma went to Miyagi, I assume you know his new friend?" He wants to deny everything, including the existence of the Miyagi Prefecture. Kuroo nods, sipping at his tea to at least hide half of his face. "Are you going to tell me who it is?" His neck twitches as he tries to say no, but what Kozume Aki wants she gets. Kuroo sighs into the liquid, "Hinata Shouyou." She hums around the name as she repeats it.

"What's he like?" _A dead man._ He shrugs, "Short. Orange hair. Almost looks Western." She nods into her tea, "Is he?" Once the cup is pulled from her lips. Frowning, he shrugs again, he's pretty sure that a Westerner would move into Tokyo instead of Miyagi, like they all did. "Anything else?" She presses. "Middle blocker." Kuroo can see her hiding a laugh into another sip of tea. "Of course." She's smiling, he thinks it looks a little more at ease.

"I invited him over." He can tell from her stare that she's gauging his reaction. He offers an awkward smile in place of the grimace, having Hinata Shouyou in Tokyo would no doubt bring Oikawa too. "Why?" Her smile thins into nothingness, "Kenma said he had a panic attack... It interested me." He blinks at the information, stares curiously at Aki, looking for anything else. "Did Kenma tell you why it happened?" He asks as neutrally as possible, silently curses his nosy nature, especially in matters relating to Hinata Shouyou.

Aki shrugs one shoulder, but he knows it's anything but casual. "Kenma said he was scared of something, didn't ask what of." Kuroo thinks he knows, doesn't let his face reflect the thought, desperately wanting this _deal_ and whole situation to just be over. "Strange." He comments without meaning to, Aki makes a noise. "Is it?" He sighs into half-warm tea, wets his lips for the explanation he's going to give regardless of his feelings about it. "Doesn't seem like the type." He says shortly, scared but excited seemed all there was to Hinata Shouyou, it was weird getting to know something more personal.

"Type?" He notices her eyes are on him again, can see the interest in the golden irises. "I mean- I scared him when we first met, then when we played he wouldn't shut up about being the best ace. I dunno, he's just odd, I guess." Kuroo is pretty sure he can Aki scribbling notes inside of her head. "Do your teams play often?" He can almost hear the disappointment when he shakes his head. "Maybe you could offer a game once he's here."

His brow raises now, "Why?" A loaded question, but being friends with Kenma means giving explanations in as little words as possible. "Put him at ease, make sure he's not scared, alone in a big city. Or something." _Or something_ doesn't help and he's pretty sure that's only an excuse. "Ease." He repeats, watches her lips quirk in almost guilt. "Well, I don't need you scaring off Kenma's new friend." He didn't expect such a blunt answer, but he's not sure why, Kenma's family had a bad habit of speaking in that manner.

Kuroo shrugs, "He was probably just distracted by my good looks and amazing hair." It's meant to put the topic to rest, but she just laughs while walking off. His plan worked, but he doesn't feel like he's won anything. Finishing his tea and dropping the empty cup into the sink, he climbs up the stairs to Kenma's room. His chat with Aki has surely given the younger boy enough time to recover after a long weekend with a hyperactive runt, who apparently has panic attacks.

The door is already open when he makes it up the stairs, he pushes it out the way to slide in, and pauses. Kenma's room is far from silent, but it is serene and beautiful. The boy is spread out on the floor, blanket only half dragged from the bed and barely managing to cover half of the younger boy's chest, he glaces at the sight as he cleans up around his precious person. Allowing himself a reward between each task eases stress off of his shoulders, forgets everything about deals and panic attacks, lets himself just exist. Getting the half-blond onto his bed is a challenge he didn't prepare for, but it gets done, just like every time his neighbor games himself out. Stray chips are picked from the floor and deposited into an overflowing wastebasket, he wonders how long he has left to do this. Sneaking into the younger boy's room had brought him peace, filled him with purpose because he was helping someone he loved.

Games were organized, filling in dark gaps between others, he likes the way the room looks when it's clean. A den of _alone but not lonely,_ perfectly suited to the younger boy, even if the walls weren't their school colors. Instead a deep blue, not quite the same as the sky in Odaiba, but close enough to make his cheeks flush and heart ache. His precious person was close, could hear him breathing, but unable to touch. Tucking the younger boy in eased the need as much as it made him want to lean forward, impossibly closer until he sees stars.

Plugging in the younger boy's phone is his last task, it lights up when it surges with power, catches a glimpse of a notification. _Shouyou._ His throat is tight, his fingers itch in desperation. Kuroo wants to know, but he won't pry, because getting to know Hinata Shouyou was a mistake, something he wish he could have prevented Kenma from doing. Oikawa knows about Kenma, and he's not sure he trusts the other captain's word to not do anything.

He doesn't wake Kenma up, doesn't allow himself to watch the younger boy sleep, as much as he wants to. Grabbing onto Kenma's controller, worn from long hours of use and almost warm, he dives into adventures not his own. Interacts with demons and can't help but think that Oikawa resembles the one asking for his soul right now. It's cleaved in two, right down the middle and he revels in the imagery of it. His adventure continues for hours, Kuroo is pretty sure he hasn't blinked since he's started but he doesn't mind until his phone vibrates and he has a difficult time reading the words.

 **"I'm nervous about my date, Kuro-chan!"** There's contemplation in his cramping fingers, wants to travel back and send Oikawa a picture of a bisected demon. _Nervous._ There had never been a moment with Kenma where he wasn't nervous, was scared of hurting the blunt boy's feelings, of being rejected and pushed away. His quest pulls him back as he thinks of something to say, only a little upset at how fast Oikawa worked.

 **"Don't call me that."** He replies, putting his phone on silent, then on the ground. It's almost noon, and Kuroo is pretty sure he can hear Kenma shifting in his sleep. Quelling the numerous questions he has, he decides to remain silent for at least a minute after Kenma woke up. He's not really sure what to talk about, if not Hinata or Miyagi, but saying nothing would be weird too. Years of experience taught him that his precious person only played himself into a mini-coma when he was thinking too hard to notice the time. He's still not sure if he should ask if the younger boy is alright or not, something might slip, _I accidentally followed you to Miyagi and then made a deal with could-be-Satan._

He wonders what Kenma would think of that, if there would be one of his rare yelling sessions where Kuroo only wanted to die, he could count those times on his hands and would like to keep it that way. Worry makes his knee shake against the ground, he needs to tell Kenma something. Enough to keep him safe without giving away too much. He could ask about Hinata, Aki _had_ asked him about the smaller boy, could use it as a way to broach the trouble he's in.

"You're in my house." There's an almost laugh that makes his throat tingle. Pausing the game, Kuroo turns to face his precious person, "Sorry." He says without sentiment, listens to Kenma sigh. "Why?" He resumes the game, something to keep his hands away from Kenma's hair and his eyes from wandering. "Your mom wanted to ask me something." Kenma's breath stops at his words, but resumes with a spiteful snort. "What did she ask?" There's a tired lilt in Kenma's words, something he only gets to hear when he sneaks in. It lacks boredom and bite, but isn't monotone in the way Kenma talks to others.

Shoulders tensing at the question, he glances at the dark screen of his phone wondering if Oikawa had already done horrible things to a too short middle blocker. "She asked about Shouyou." Using the given name of the younger boy sent chills up his spine. Kenma makes a soft noise, "What did you say?" He shrugs, forcing a normal reaction, "Said he almost pissed his pants then lost four games in a row." Kenma makes a noise of disapproval, but no words come from the bundle of blankets behind him.

"He was acting strange." Kenma explains eventually, he makes noise of recognition. "Oh yeah?" He asks with sarcastic interest, "I thought you had family stuff." Kenma is silent except for the shifting of blankets, "I lied." Kuroo makes an offended noise, pretends that he had no idea about anything in Miyagi. "You went to see shrimpy?" The nickname is easier but it still leaves a bad taste in his mouth, Kenma grunts quietly, "Yeah, he made me a pie."

"I could have made you a pie." He chides, like he's upset at Kenma for buying a ten-thousand yen ticket for food instead of getting caught up in an orange-haired trap. "Was it good?" He asks after another bout of silence, he can hear typing and a tinge of curiosity. "Very. His first time making one too." He snickers into his arm, trying to remember the last time he washed his face. "If you need a doctor, I'll make sure he gets the bill." He quips but it is met with silence.

"She invited him here." Kenma states after six demons and thirty-nine clicks from Kenma's phone. "Why?" _She's interested._ Kenma grunts, and Kuroo can tell he's considering keep his new friend's privacy. "I dunno, but there's something weird about _his_ mother." Kuroo doesn't have fake interest in that, he hadn't even known that the runt had family, "Like what?" There's a more comfortable silence as they share the unknown, can feel Kenma's brainwaves like a breeze.

"She's odd. Strange. Like she was threatening me..." There was brief consideration to ride the train and fight Shouyou's mother, but figured that that might look suspicious. "Rude." He offers, and Kenma makes a noncommittal noise, neither agreeing or disagreeing. "He made me toss to him, it was exhausting." Kuroo is certain the words are supposed to express Kenma's irritation, but they sound more fond than annoyed. His grip tightens around the controller for reasons he can't explain.

"Also--" There's a pause, a noise that only Kuroo can identify as frustration at his inability to speak properly, "There's something wrong with his rice." He stifles a laugh poorly and can feel Kenma glaring at him, "Nothing like Tokyo rice." There's no relief in his tone, but he feels it, a reason for his precious person to never return to Miyagi. "No, just his rice." The game pauses again, and the quiet makes the roomy stuffy. "How do you mean?" He looks back at Kenma, who's already staring at him, trying to absorb him in taunting golden rings. 

"It was chalky." Kuroo's eyebrows clench at the younger boy's explanation. "That's really weird." Kenma continues to stare at him, he almost gets the impression that the younger boy is asking for his opinion. "Could be a Miyagi thing?" He offers but Kenma's head shakes, "He would have eaten it if it was a _Miyagi_ thing." He nods, Kenma did have a point, but he doubts the situation warrants the attention Kenma is giving it. "He didn't eat at all?" 

"Anything but rice, his caretaker was very insistent that he eats it." He's not really sure what to draw from that, "Caretaker?" Kenma hums quietly, eyes back on his phone. "She's nicer than his mom." Kuroo almost points out that it's her job to be nice but can tell that Kenma wants to say something more, "His sister has the same eyes as her." He thinks it over, "It's not unusual." Kenma nods, but his lips are trembling. "I think there's something wrong in that family." Kuroo wants to bring up the panic attack, and stuff that Aki mentioned, but can't. 

"You should tell your mom about it." Kenma's face is less than pleased, but there's resignation and fear in his eyes. He hates Shouyou for making Kenma scared, hates himself for not stopping the middle blocker from getting close to his precious person. "Yeah, I guess." The younger boy concurs, but doesn't move. There's half a smirk on Kenma's face despite the tense topic, it's concerning and he might be a bit jealous, as kids he could never get the younger boy to smile. 

They were fireworks and fried fish the first time it happened, he'd been at his breaking point, too stubborn to give up on his cause but could feel it ruining him. He watched the first one, it was blue, then looked down at his neighbor. A barely there quirk of the lips, Kenma's cheek had fish skin on it, reflected the next red explosion. He liked to think that Kenma's smile was brighter than any firework. 

"Do you want me to help you?" He offers, staring through Kenma and at a young boy with grass stains on his yukata. "No." Then the younger boy is gone, he tries not to reminisce, too much in Kenma's absence, but there's so much Kenma in his life he feels like he might explode. He couldn't share Kenma with another person, the older boy is certain that it would hurt too much to let go. His attention is pulled back into real time when his heart starts to hurt with each beat, wonders how he can feel heartbreak without sharing a mutual love. 

His phone has too many messages, all of them from Oikawa all but  _bragging_ about dragging that runt around.  _Grand King,_ he wonders if the nickname gave Oikawa a too big ego and he finally snapped. Kuroo is rather fond of that theory, undoubtedly less morbid that anything else he can think of. It doesn't make it any better, there's still dread filling his lungs every time he thinks about Oikawa ruining someone, especially someone who can make Kenma smile.  _Respect._ He almost respects Hinata, if only for that. 

The younger boy returns quietly, looking relieved but still scared and irritated, he almost hates Hinata Shouyou all over again. "Everything okay?" He asks, locking his phone even though he's certain Kenma would never go through it. Wouldn't know about his deal unless he spilled. "She said she'd talk to him." Wincing, he almost feels pity for the kid, having to go through a  _talk_ with Aki was never fun, especially a serious one. Kenma sits down next to him, can feel the shorter boy's body heat like his own. He traces the worried frown of the younger boy's lips, feels his own contorting match it. 

"He's coming this weekend?" Kenma nods, "Should I--?" He's not sure what he's asking, but he wants to make Kenma smile like Shouyou can. "I'd prefer not to have him pee on the floor." He laughs, and he can almost see a smile in Kenma's lips, nothing flashy and not like the one Shouyou had pulled from the half-blond. They sink into silence and button-mashing, sharing space and breath but not words. It's what Kenma is comfortable with, so Kuroo remains silent, even when the urge to spill everything start to hurt. 

"Maybe when everything is settled." Kenma blinks up at him, looking almost confused. "You want to be friends with Shouyou?" Almost happy, like Shouyou can make Kenma happy with just a name. He shrugs as noncommittally as he can manage, he's scared of and scared for the tiny middle blocker, but he does respect him. "Any friend of yours is a friend of mine." The younger boy just stares at him until he cracks, "Except Yashihiro-- I'm sorry, but he's just... weird." Kenma smiles now, sudden and bright, gone within in the second, focused on the TV in front of them. 

Kuroo feels his heart start beating again, hurting but a good hurt. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want everyone to know: The only relationship that isn't fucked up is between two OCs.


	32. Chapter Thirty-Two

** Chapter Thirty-Two: Kuroo III **

Waiting for Shouyou to arrive in Tokyo put an unbearable weight on his shoulders, five days to subtly convince Kenma to cancel. Five days until everything fell apart. Kuroo is certain of one thing, he's also frightened of that truth, Oikawa would follow Hinata like a shadow. He'd done the same thing to Kenma, had almost lost control and smashed the runt for even looking at Kenma. "Five days." Muttered into still air as he glances over all of Oikawa's messages, reading over nearly endless lines of text describing their first kiss put a bitter taste in his mouth. Trying to convince himself that he wasn't jealous was a futile effort, not jealous of Oikawa or of Shouyou, just envious of their dynamic, kissing Kenma in a forest would be his happy ending.

He tries not to count each minute that passes but ends up calculating every second he gets to spend with Kenma before hell arrives in Tokyo. Careful not to let his nervousness show, he spends every possible moment he can with his precious person. Hours upon hours are filled with silence, he's not sure how ever found comfort in it, his ears wouldn't stop ringing and he was beginning to wonder if his leg always shook like that. Kenma pretends not to notice, hates that he's put concern where it should never be.

"Kuro." The younger boy vocalizes when the shaking starts vibrating Kenma's bed frame. "Yes?" He asks, raising the pitch of his voice to feign confusion. Kenma's hand, too cold yet burning, lands on his leg and he jerks away from the touch without meaning to. "You're upset." He's not sure it's an observation, worry is reflected in the other boy's tone but also curiosity. "Is this about Shouyou?" He shakes his head, feels his vision start to spin as he denies it. "I can tell him to not come." Kuroo hates himself for almost begging for just that.

Swallowing dread, he opens his eyes and stares into inquisitive gold; as much as he wants to keep that brat as far away from Tokyo as possible, he knows that Kenma would be upset without his new friend. He still finds it endearing that Kenma would send someone away to make him comfortable, yet another reason for him to love the smaller boy. Restraining himself from doing anything out of character, he shakes his head, offers the best smile he can manage while shoving thoughts of Oikawa and Shouyou out of his head. "I just- I don't know about that kid." In truth, he knows a lot about that kid, bruised neck and _molested_ by Oikawa. He pretends not to notice Kenma's blinking, a tick of his processing. "He's nice." _Too nice,_ he knows that to be true.

"Is that because he made you pie?" He teases, like he knows he should. Kenma huffs, but there's a color in his cheeks that wasn't there, "Maybe." The younger boy admits. " _Maybe_ I'll get some pie?" Kenma's eyes light up at that, "I need to go to the store." Then he's jumping out of their shared space, tugging on socks and pants in rapid succession. "For?" Kuroo knows that his precious person would make him happy, the time frame for those moments are _eventually._ "Pie." A crooked fox grin is lost in half-dyed bangs.

"Pie?" He asks for the third time, they're on a train to Shibuya, towards the too crowded shopping district. Kenma is leading them, a strange occurrence in itself made worse when the half-blond decides that playing on his phone is a great way to divide his attention. Kuroo snatches onto his precious person before they're both flattened on the ground by oncoming traffic, "Maybe I should lead?" He suggests, because he always leads and Kenma always follows when they walk around the city. He expects a sigh, then compliance, not for Kenma to whirl around in his grasp and give him a hard stare. Golden rings are almost misty in Shibuya's rain and bright lights, allows him to ignore the foreigners talking about them.

"I'm leading." Hypnotizing gold is banished with a flick of two-toned hair, then they're walking again. Kenma's phone is placed back in his pocket, a squarish bulge in the younger boy's back pocket; it's the first time he's ever felt alone in Kenma's company, like he's being left behind, even when Kenma's hand tugs on his sleeve. They're led into a too familiar bakery, he lets his eyes glance over patterned tiles and gleaming glass cases. He usually comes here alone, picks something up for the both of them after long tests or special occasions. Kenma has never joined him here, that knowledge makes him feel even more lost. His precious person knowing something without him makes his stomach squirm, spices and sugar mock his nose, he's pretty sure he's going to be sick.

Kenma walks up to the counter and starts a conversation with little hesitation, he thinks he should be proud, his usually shy and blunt friend interacting with a stranger without making them groan in frustration. Kuroo can still see the little boy who made a girl cry during a school trip. It'd be Kuroo who taught him manners and what not to say to people's face, he should be very proud, but he's frightened instead. He glances down and stares at his body, wondering if they'd someone switched personalities while he wasn't looking, Kenma had always been the one reluctant to talk to people, standing by the door and away from others. Now it was him and it felt like Kenma didn't need him.

"Kuro?" His now confident, precious person asks after an eternity of observing. Kuroo blinks away memories of what just happened along with the itching in his eyes, "Kenma." He gasps out, surprised at his own breathlessness he calls the boy's name again once they're back on the streets. "How did you-?" Wanting to know why was almost just as important, but Kenma's eyes make his tongue too fat in his mouth. "Shouyou said he's never had pie." The younger boy lifts up two bags, exposing piled white boxes. Choking down more questions, he forces his gut to settle. "Never, huh?" He muses, the younger boy's eyes are too warm and bright from city lights and mirth.

He makes small talk while they ride the train back, "You've never bought me seven pies, I thought I was your best friend?" Kuroo whines, flicking at the pie boxes between them. Kenma hums instead of responding, he's pretty sure it's his dismissive hum, but he continues talking, asking about flavors, avoiding the recent event and the ones about to unfold. "He's never had pie, Kuroo." It's the only answer the smaller boy gives him, but that only makes him more curious. He's known Kenma since they were the same height, he'd never once seen the younger boy talk without something bad happening. Because of Hinata Shouyou, Kenma was able to do something, talk to someone without making them cry and without having Kenma in a bad mood afterwards.

Kuroo plays it down to the pie, Kenma's love for it evolving him to get fulfill a purpose. A necessary change. It doesn't explain why he hates it so much, or why he's jealous of Shouyou, but it's what he's sticking with. The train ride is short, they're the only ones that get off and he manages to squeeze past too many people getting on. Kenma is right behind him, can feel the younger boy's presence without looking back, he leads them with back home easily enough, but each step fills him with dread, like someone was pouring cement into his blood stream every time he moved forward.

Hinata Shouyou would be in Tokyo tomorrow, he's not sure why three days without Kenma ruins him. He's not even sure it'll be three days, just long enough for Shouyou to get used to both him and Tokyo. Kuroo prays that that will only take an hour, but his heart tells him otherwise. Setting the pie on Kenma's counter, he prepares his goodbyes, it shouldn't be forever because he knows it won't be; he can save Kenma from Shouyou, even if that meant he had to save Shouyou from Oikawa. He wishes there was more time, wishes the last few days hadn't passed in a blur of video games and silence, he doesn't know how to help anyone. Telling an adult would be the sensible thing, but there were too many risks, he knew that Oikawa was dangerous, had seen glimpses of it in the man's eyes, but he's not sure what the other boy capable of or how far he's willing to go.

Oikawa texts him after a long period of staring at nothing, the bright screen almost convinces him to stop reading but he perseveres, reads about how Shouyou was teasing him with fake innocence. Suppressing the need to vomit, he asks Oikawa for more details, a grim determination to protect someone he respects. There's a sigh of relief when Oikawa begrudgingly admits that only his hands had explored Shouyou. _Only._ It makes him sick, but he's thankful that Shouyou wasn't... It's a hard word, one that clogs up other thoughts until it's all he can think about.

 _It could have been Kenma._ As much as he doesn't want to believe it, there's people like Oikawa out there, people that can get around people like him and straight towards Kenma. The retching and head-pounding numbness ease the thoughts away until there's nothing to think about except the burning stench of bile; porcelain is cools his overworked head, freezes the countdown and his puts his stomach at ease. Sleeping pills buy him time to process, Shouyou would be in Tokyo by the time he woke up, he wonders if Oikawa would follow.

The sun is absent the next day, an often happenstance in Tokyo, but there's a weird sense of dread that settles in his gut when fat drops of water start pelting down from the sky. He hopes that brat took a look at the news before getting on the train, then scolds himself for thinking about a now forbidden subject. Unfortunately, with the door now open he runs through every interaction they've had, stupid texts and hard stares. His instant dislike of the boy for talking to his precious person, his hatred and eventual respect for drawing multiple smiles out of Kenma. He tugs out summer homework, griping at himself for continuing to think about stupid orange hair and too bright smiles.

All four subjects takes him all day, and he's thankful for the distraction and even more thankful that it's finally over. "Two more days." He mutters, taking a look through his window to catch a glimpse of his precious person. Kenma's room is still under his gaze, his legs itch as well as his hands, he needs to know that the younger boy is fine, but he also agreed to stay away. Kuroo settles on texting the younger boy, a casual askance about how Shouyou is. The middle blocker is a safe topic, he and Kenma want one thing but for different reasons; Kenma's reply is almost instant, like he was expecting the question, but he's sure that isn't the case. Kenma tells him that everything is fine, but Shouyou has bruises on his neck.

Kuroo knows that, but he's not sure why reading the information surprises him, he expected the orange haired boy to at least cover up the hickies before leaving Miyagi. Cursing the boy's stupidity, he tells Kenma to tease the younger boy on his behalf and decides to settle his stomach with dinner. He stares at the rice and ends up thinking of Shouyou again, taking a bite assures him that it's not _chalky,_ and that Shouyou didn't bring a rice famine upon Tokyo.

Waking up on Saturday is unreal, he doesn't remember going to sleep and wishes he could return to that state. Hinata Shouyou left Tokyo tomorrow, and he'd take the looming shadow of Oikawa with him; the other captain wouldn't stop texting him about the small middle blocker, asking him questions and requesting pictures of his _property._ He glances through his window, reels back at the sight and rubs at crusty eyes hoping he was just imagining things. Glimpses of orange settled on the not quite right blue of Kenma's pajamas, Kuroo isn't sure how Kenma can sleep peacefully when danger is using him as a pillow. He finds the moment oddly personal, can feel everything from their perspective as if it were his own. The warmth of Shouyou's head, the deep rhythm set in shared air, hearts pounding together; snapping the picture fills him with sorrow, sending it to Oikawa fills him with regret. It feels criminal, revealing a moment that isn't his, and wouldn't be unless Oikawa's deal worked out.

The curtains are pulled shut right after his realization, feels like a pervert for even taking a look at the moment. "Gone." He mutters as he pulls away from the window and finding his way onto the floor, Hinata Shouyou would leave Tokyo today but he had a feeling that story had only just begun. There's noise coming from downstairs by the time he finds his way down there, if he had known one of his parents would be home he might have put on more than underwear. "Good morning." He mumbles, trying to sound as tired as possible so no questions would be asked about anything more than his sleeping pattern.

"Good morning, Tetsu." His dad calls from around a too big coffee cup. "You're looking... dressed." The older man remarks, Kuroo rolls his eyes pretending not to hear the smirk in his dad's words. "Not everyone wears a suit to breakfast, dad." The older man chuckles quietly, "All _lawyers_ wear a suit to breakfast, son." He ignores the statement, pretends that his father isn't trying to put in good words for law schools that he won't enroll into, and pours some coffee into a mug with whiskers on it. A gift from Kenma after the younger boy got accepted to Nekoma.

"Coffee makes you short." The older man says cryptically, but offers him sugar and creamer when he makes grabby hands for them. He wonders if Hinata Shouyou was addicted to coffee, it would explain both his height and energy, but dismisses the thought because he doesn't want to think about Shouyou when he's only wearing underwear and his dad is staring at him. "I think I'll be fine." With over one-hundred and eighty centimeters to work with, Kuroo was pretty sure that one cup of coffee wouldn't affect his growth. "How goes lawyer-town?" He asks once there's caffeine burning his throat; he watches his dad's brows furrow in poorly concealed frustration and misery, the number one reason he didn't pursue law school. "Hard case." Is the redundant answer he gets. Offering a nod in sympathy, he finishes his coffee in silence.

"Breakfast?" He offers on a whim, pulling their rice bowl from the dishwasher. "Proper language." The older man chides, he hides another eye roll in the fridge. "Do you want breakfast?" He asks flatly, regretting not keeping his mouth shut. "Yes, thank you very much." His sigh is hidden in the rice cooker's hissing, another one in as he looks for the soybeans. "On top of the fridge." His dad calls from the sofa. Silently cursing the older man, he drags the heavy jar from its hiding place and pours a scoop into the bubbling rice cooker. Forgetting about everything is made easier by the noise that surrounds him, crime reports and the rumbling bass that is his father allows him to forget about the danger that is Shouyou. The rice cooker sings to him all too soon and everything pulls back into focus, he pulls eggs from the fridge and pulls the shells apart over a bowl of rice and soy.

His father thanks him again, informally this time, and continues staring at the screen in front of him while he stirs his provided meal. Ignoring the urge to correct the older man, he returns to the rice cooker and begins scraping soy off the leftover rice and prepares an actual breakfast while falling back into his feel nothing state. Hinata Shouyou would leave Tokyo today, everything would be fine. He's not sure why he can't make himself believe it. A clatter of dishes what he presumes is their coffee table pulls him away from doubt, he glances back only to find the front door slamming as well. "Bye." He says to the shadow of his father, then the house is quiet again.

The TV is turned back on, changing it from murder reports to music with a wave of the remote. Knowing neither of his parents will show up to see their son's junk bouncing around to _Morning Musume_ is a blessing, Kuroo cleans up the lonely house and loses himself to soft beats and fast tempos, ignores the squad of dancing girls on TV because he knows he'll fall into sync with them and even when alone the idea is too embarrassing. He drags dust away from outdated family pictures and sorts a too big pile of mail, allows himself to find a different meaning of lost through a series mundane tasks.

Noon flies by too quickly, punctuated by the fact that he still hasn't put on pants. Kuroo heats up dumplings and prepares fresh rice, finds himself smiling for the first time since Friday in between crispy bites and sips of green tea. Shouyou would be out of Tokyo in a few hours and he would have Kenma all to himself. He tugs on shorts to celebrate, finding his way to the school gym to practice until he was certain that the brat was out of his hair for at least a week.

Time gets lost in between spikes, it feels like it's only been seconds since his first spike, but the sluggishness in his limbs tell him it's been too long. The sun, hidden by too many clouds, is kissing the horizon by the time he cleans up and closes the gym doors. He's glad for the distraction but hopes that he didn't miss any time with Kenma, he catches the train back to Nakameguro and ends up on Kenma's porch instead of in his shower. He doesn't knock, doesn't stare at the door for another minute. He'd return tomorrow, when he wasn't tired and he was sure that Tokyo is back to normal.

His mother is downstairs this time when he finds his way down there, can feel her gaze on his messy hair and sweat stains. "Morning, mama." He offers around his whiskered mug, filled with tea and steam. "Isn't it summer break?" She asks with a disgusted frown, he nods, sips more bittersweet liquid. "It is." He confirms, watching her eyebrows raise steadily. "You remember Hinata Shouyou?" His throat clamps shut around a swig of tea, the liquid ends up on the floor between them. "W-Why do you ask that?" He splutters, irritated that another one of his precious people are caught up in this situation, he had only briefly mentioned the other middle blocker to his mom. Kuroo watches his mother shrug, "Came into my shop yesterday." He pulls on her confused look, silently asking for more information without admitting that he wants it.

"Kenma brought him." She's tugging on the rice cooker and the distraction allows him to get his throat under control. "What for?" She knows that Kenma is his best friend, but that doesn't explain why she's talking about Shouyou. "Got rid of his _orange,_ is that natural, do you think?" He wondered the same thing once or twice, but hums his ignorance. "Turned it black, I almost refused. He looked so cute with all that color! Do you think he and Kenma are uh- _together?"_ Kuroo Tetsurou can feel his heart stop in his chest and almost loses his grip on his mug. "Why?" He asks almost harshly.

"I've never seen him smile before." She answers, even when her words are anything but. He urges her on with another noise, "Plus all those marks on his neck, brings back memories." His retching isn't as forced as he would like, can practically feel bile working against his throat. "I always thought he'd find a cute girl to be with," His mother admits with a flick of a knife, "But that kid is pretty cute, almost like a girl, I suppose." She barks out a laugh, the same one he inherited from her, but he can't share it, can only feel rage at her words. Knowing that the marks came from Oikawa doesn't help the film of rage covering his eyes, "They're not together." He huffs out, then sips at his tea to let out his irritation. "Ah- Don't be jealous Tetsu, I'm sure you'll find a wife one of these days!" His mother chirps, looking back at him with the same eyes as him. He nods, bites down the admission that he only wants to marry Kenma, and that anybody else wouldn't be good enough.

They share breakfast, salad and rice, along with conversation. Kuroo tries to avoid anything that would bring up Shouyou while his mother is very insistent on talking about the orange-now-black haired boy. "I think it's nice." She says after she's asked for every piece of information he had about Hinata Shouyou, he carefully avoids the hickies and Oikawa, "What do you mean?" He asks, trying not to reflect how offended he is. "That he has another friend, I always thought it was kind of sad that he only had you." He's not sure how to feel about his mother's words. _Am I not good enough? Why does he need more?_ Kuroo stabs at his salad harder than necessary and chews it slowly to avoid snapping at his mother. "I gotta get to work." She says after period of silence where he pretends not to glare at her. "Bye." He mumbles, as he's left alone in a too quiet house.

 _Only you._ Tries to wash the words away with too rough strokes of a washcloth, tries to tell himself that he's good enough, that he was good enough for Kenma. Tugging on clothes is harder when all he can think about is being replaced, he knows that it would never happen, Shouyou was too small to protect his precious person. _Like a girl._ Shouyou lived in Miyagi, in the dangerous grasp of Oikawa Tooru. Logic quells his irritability, but doesn't stop his haste as he rushes out of the front door and straight into Kenma's. He supposes it would give the younger boy a shock, and he'd probably get scolded, but he's met with silence.

He checks the kitchen, finds it empty. Checks the piano only to find it silent, then darts up the stairs and into Kenma's bedroom. It's practically the afternoon and Kenma doesn't usually sleep that late, even in the summer. "Yo, Kenma." Kuroo calls out, hating the desperation that resonates in his words. Kenma is in his room, leaning against the wall with too much black in his lap. His mood turns foul in half a second, Shouyou was supposed to leave Tokyo yesterday. "Kenma?" He asks shortly, giving the younger boy a questioning look.

Kenma's eyes pull up from his PSP and narrow at him. "Shouyou's staying here." The words sound almost sad, "Why?" He mutters, knowing the boy was a danger asleep or not. Kuroo's eyes fall onto the mass of wild black hair, takes in the pale face of Hinata Shouyou. The middle blocker looked odd when not proclaiming his desire to be the best ace ever, or contorted in fear, or showing any emotion. "He got kicked out." Kuroo flinches back before he can help it. "N-What?" He gasps, taking another look at the smaller boy. He steps forward, then climbs onto the bed and takes a better look at Shouyou. "Why?" He repeats, letting his eyes fall onto his precious person again. "The rice." Is Kenma's answer. Kuroo isn't sure how chalky rice gets someone kicked out. "Drugged." He swallows another gasp, leans forward for more answers, for once absorbed in not only Kenma's too gold eyes.

"They crushed his medication into it." He nods, glances down at the small middle blocker, ignores the fact that Shouyou is wearing a Nekoma jacket. "Why's he sleeping?" Kenma shrugs, "He slept all night, then took his pills. Fell asleep almost instantly." Kenma's tone is worried, it makes him bristle with rage, wishing the smallest of them would wake up so he could put him in coma. "You know what he has?" Kenma frowns, another thing he wishes he could beat Shouyou up for. "Anxiety disorder is all his mom said, then _banished_ us." The younger boy snorts, tucking completely blond hair behind his ear. "You re-dyed." He comments, not sure what else he can say. Kenma hums quietly, starts playing with too black hair. "He kind of looks like your dad with that hair." The younger boy huffs, leaning over to look at Shouyou's face. "Kind of." He admits with a shrug, the action makes Kuroo smiles for reasons he can't explain. "Just need a gut and a controller." Kenma smiles. His heart stops.

"He calls him teacher, so it could happen." Kenma huffs out a laugh, he laughs quietly, wishing that his precious person wasn't so amazing. "How long are you keeping it?" He asks after a too long moment of watching Kenma stroke messy black hair. "He's not an it." The younger boy glares at him, then sighs. "I can't keep him here, but he has nobody." Kuroo hates that Kenma chooses now to be nice and considerate, but finds himself nodding in sympathy. "He'd be good on the Nekoma team, I guess." He quips, leaning back until his he can smell Kenma on the sheets. The younger boy makes a soft noise, neither agreeing or disagreeing. "It'd be exhausting having him on our team, though." They share a laugh, but their attentions are pulled in by an unconscious middle blocker.

"What're those bruises?" He asks, feigning interest because he wants to see what Kenma knows. "Do you remember Oikawa?" His precious person asks. "Aoba Johsai captain." He admits with enough uncertainty, Kenma nods and Kuroo allows himself to gape. "That's... unexpected." Not sure how someone would respond if they didn't know everything about the situation. Kenma hums again, "I think he's scared of him." Kuroo swallows a too big lump.

"Of Oikawa?" Looks down at the blond with confusion, watches Kenma bite on his lip with half-interest. "I'm probably just seeing things." Kuroo doesn't pry, as much as he wants to, just settles into the mattress and takes in the sight of his precious person taking care of another person. "Is he precious to you?" He asks almost bitterly, scolding himself for using that wording. Kenma frowns, "I think so." He nods, tries not to add Kenma's frustration as another reason to hate Shouyou.

"I don't know what to do, Kuroo." It's been a long time since Kenma has used his full last name. He frowns, stares the younger boy down until they're both avoiding gazes. "If he's precious to you, you should be there for him. Always." Kenma's golden gaze is on him again too soon, and he sits up to escape it. "Make sure he doesn't have to be strong if you're there." Kenma makes a noise that he ignores. "Keep him safe." Kuroo wipes imaginary dust off of his shirt as he stands. "It'll be hard work." His eyes catch on too orange bottles on Kenma's nightstand. "But it'll be worth it."

He doesn't say goodbye, too caught up in his own head to say anything else. Kenma would always be his best friend, and his precious person, but he's not sure how important he'll be with Shouyou in the dynamic. Kenma had his own precious person to care for now, someone who was alone with nothing more than a backpack full of belongings and a bottle of pills. He knows that Kenma will take care of Shouyou, he had taught the blond hair boy himself, he'll be proud of his teammate no matter what happens.

Kenma texts him the next day, along with Oikawa. He opens the latter's first, knowing it would be easier on his heart to deal with the other captain's ordeal than Kenma's. As he predicted, Oikawa asked the whereabouts of his chibi-chan, begging the captain for information. Kuroo stared at the message for a long time, wondering if he'd start something he couldn't finish if he lied. He tells Oikawa that he'd seen the younger boy getting on the train to Miyagi; he can practically feel the other captain's pout as he responds, thanking him for responding. Kenma's text is almost something to look forward to, even though he's certain that he won't like the context of the message.

 **"He's still sleeping."** Kuroo is a little taken back by that, he's never seen Shouyou _not_ jumping and screaming. Not exactly sure what to do, the Nekoma captain ends up making a pot of soup and drags the too hot container all the way to Kenma's house, not bothering to knock before he enters. Bowls and spoons are pulled from a kitchen that mimics his own, dispensing the too hot liquid he balance them up the stairs and into Kenma's room. "Make sure he eats." He commands, depositing the two bowls onto Kenma's nightstand then leaving as quickly as he came. Ignoring the multiple texts that Kenma sends him, he tries to find distraction in university applications and surfing random internet articles.

The next week he finds himself staring at Shouyou's twitching eyelids too often for his liking. Kenma expresses his concern about the smaller boy's nightmares over more soup, he offers comfort in through Shouyou, telling the blond that his precious person would just need time get better. He pauses in his tirade when his phone vibrates, and blinks at the unfamiliar name. "The Karasuno captain just texted me." He comments as he unlocks the phone to read it. Kenma makes a weird noise around a spoonful of soup.

 **"Hinata Shouyou, number 10, ran away from home. Please keep an eye out. Thank you very much."** He stares at the words for a long time, too long if Kenma's curious hum is anything to go by. "Chibi-chan ran away from home." He starts to laugh but stops at how awkward the sound is, glancing up at Kenma's frown forces one to spread across his face. "That was fast, I thought there would be more time." The subject of time is starting to become a bitter one. Thinking he had more time with Kenma only needing him, time before Shouyou ended up in Tokyo, time to figure out what to do before Oikawa found out. Kuroo prays for a long moment that Daichi hadn't texted Oikawa about this, but he knows that effort will be futile in the end.

"Is he eating?" He's not sure why he asks, other than the fact that he can see the curve of Shouyou's hip bone more clearly than he should be, along with the bruise from Oikawa's hand. Kenma nods, "He falls asleep right after." Not sure why he cares, he ends up frowning at the revelation. "Maybe he should stop taking those?" He suggests with a nod towards the too orange containers, Kenma frowns, "He needs them." Kuroo nods his resignation, still not sure why he bothered with advice and his concern.

"Don't tell anyone." Kenma insists after he's turned to walk away. He glances over his shoulder, offers the younger boy a nod. "Just take care of the shrimp, can't have kidnapping _and_ murder charges against us." Kuroo is pretty sure he can hear his precious person laughing as he walks down the stairs. His house is empty and cold when he returns, swallowed in darkness that he's become accustomed to; taking careful steps, Kuroo finds himself deposited into his bed, curled up between two pillows that hide his too big smile.

Trying to hate Shouyou is becoming a useless effort, the smaller boy is practically comatose but despite that, the black haired boy still forces Kenma to smile. Kuroo can't find it in himself to hate it, but not through like of trying. He and Kenma spend time together in long silent stretches, both of them staring down at the younger boy, watching his body squirm under their ministrations. It's something new and he's not sure how he can miss something new, but watching Kenma smile for more than a breath of time is something he falls in love with. He silently thanks Shouyou for that, the younger boy just snores in return, and he leaves. Kuroo is pretty sure that spending two weeks sleeping isn't healthy, but Kenma's mother insists that he'll be fine.

Another weeks passes, he tells both the Karasuno and Aoba Johsai captain that he'll keep an eye out for chibi-chan, insists that the situation will be fine. He finds reluctance in returning to Kenma's house, feeling almost guilty about knowing where the _lost_ boy is, and knowing that he wasn't able to walk or sleep as he would like. Kuroo isn't sure what to do about it except for have confidence in his precious person to help the younger boy through this. He ends up smiling each time Kenma updates him on the shorter boy's condition, wonders if they should celebrate when he learns that Shouyou can finally walk again.

His phone vibrating pulls him out of his stupor, drags the stupid device from his pocket and almost cackles in excitement. Kenma tells him they're having a hotpot and he's invited, he gets dressed in someone that isn't gym clothes and attempts to comb his hair while he waits for the sun to disappear. The door is heavy in his grip, he's not sure how he's supposed to act around Shouyou, the younger boy didn't seem to know that he had been there during his long recovery from what Kenma had told him. Not exactly sure what _normal_ friend of a friend behavior, Kuroo knocks on the door, deciding that he would wing it.

Haruo answers the door, the older man proceeds to hug him and ruffle his hair, he can't help but think of Shouyou. That the middle blocker would grow up to be exactly like the man crushing his spine right now, "Kuroo-chan! It's been so long since I've seen you! Did you get taller? Your hair is so messy!" The older man giggles at his own words, he smiles at the sound. Haruo had seen him less than a week ago, he's not sure why the older man is so excited. Taking off his shoes, he answers all of Haruo's rapid questions, then the man is gone suddenly. Kuroo stalks the older man into the kitchen, grabs bowls for the hotpot and heads towards the dining room, ignoring the two adults flirting in the kitchen. He almost comments, but refrains from doing so when he spots a knife in Aki's hand.

The dining room is where it always is, Shouyou and Kenma are already sitting on the far end of the table. He offers them a smile that he hopes doesn't say _I've been watching you sleep for an entire week,_ "I heard a pretty interesting rumor about you, chibi-chan." He's not sure where the words come from, but offers a wink when Shouyou's cheeks turn red. Teasing the boy is cut short when he senses people behind him, moving into the room he takes the seat across from Shouyou and gives the boy a friendly look. They share small talk, all of them asking how the smallest boy is in separate instances.

"So, how does this thing work?" The dark haired boy asks, tapping at the electric burner between them. Kuroo finds himself swallowing giggles and comments on Shouyou's country background, feels weird that Shouyou's background was something he could never return to. _Kicked out._ He ends up offering the smaller boy a smile, the least he can do for someone in his situation; the younger boy's eyes dart away from his and he almost feels bad, not sure if Shouyou is completely scared of him or just really shy. "Something wrong, Hinata-kun?" Aki asks from beside him, it seems they're all taking notice of Shouyou's inability to hold onto his chopsticks. He wants to offer assistance, but is certain that it would do more harm than good.

Shouyou looks at him for a second, he pretends to haven't been staring. "Side effect, I guess." The youngest mumbles, and Kuroo feels unknown guilt thrust into his heart. "Don't worry, chibi-chan, I'll feed you." He cringes to himself as soon as the words come out of his mouth. Kuroo wonders when he turned into such a weirdo, but offers the boy a smile and a wink. _Why am I like this._ He really wishes that he could just stop, but Shouyou just smiles at him. "Thank you, Kuroo- _chan."_ He glares at the younger boy, wishing him a swift recovery so he could break his legs for real.

Praying takes his mind off of his own weirdness, the table dissolves into small talk between the two adults and leaves them to talk almost privately. "You haven't been to school in a while, Kenma." He comments all too casually, ignores the glare from his blond friend as easily as breathing. "It's summer." He laughs, "But we always practice in the summer, Kenma." He whines, offering the younger boy a compelling smile. "I never practice in the summer, you know that." Kenma looks like he sees through him, but Kuroo isn't even sure what he's doing and is certain that Kenma couldn't if he, himself, did not.

"You'll never improve with that attitude, isn't that right, chibi-chan?" He's being weird again, but he feels the need to include the youngest in the conversation and he's not sure why. "I-I guess..." Comes the mumbled reply, then Shouyou is staring down at the table, his gaze follows down to trembling chopsicks. He frowns, knowing that this isn't the middle blocker should be acting. "You guess?" He almost snaps, "I thought you wanted to be an ace, it takes a lot of work, you know." Manipulating Shouyou hadn't been his intention. "You need breaks to improve as well." He's almost irritated that Kenma is stopping him from pushing Shouyou, but he knows there's fight buried in there somewhere.

"I suppose you're right, another time then, maybe the shrimp can join us?" He prays that nearly a decade of sharing brain waves that Kenma will finally be able to read his thoughts. Kenma sighs loudly and he knows he's won, Kuroo almost sighs in relief, "That's up to him." The blond boy mutters, sounding mutinous despite giving in; Kuroo's about to convince the youngest boy to drop by the gym but Haruo's announcement draws his attention, the meal begins with calls of thanks and clapping chopsticks. He watches dolefully as Shouyou fumbles with his chopsticks, until Kenma grabs him a plate and starts plucking from the pot between them. Smiling at his precious person, he allows himself to dig into the hotpot, plucking meat and vegetables with ease.

He knows he's making Shouyou uncomfortable, but he can't find it in himself to stop staring at the dark haired boy, not that he tries too hard. Kuroo watches as his precious person practically hand feeds his own precious person with a half wistful mood settled over his brain. He's glad that Kenma has a person to help, glad that they can share yet another experience, he's not sure how he'd feel if Shouyou ever decided to leave Tokyo. If Kenma felt towards Shouyou the same way he felt towards Kenma, he's almost certain that the blond boy would break. He makes it his mission to ensure that Shouyou's stay in Tokyo is extended as long as possible.

The hotpot is empty by the time he makes up his mind, his stomach is lifted from happiness and cramping from too many spices, an odd sensation overall. "Thank you for having me, Kozume-san, Haruo-san." He offers to his hosts, clutching at his churning gut; Aki stops him before he can make it to the door, "Won't you stay for dessert, Kuroo-kun? We have pie." He's pretty sure that those pies, the ones that forced Kenma all the way to Shibuya, were bad after two weeks of sitting on the counter.

He cackles at Kenma's expense, "Safe to assume it's apple then?" He coos to his precious person, then settles back down on his cushion, ignoring the burning slosh of meat inside of his gut. "Not quite, _someone_ decided to purchase seven pies for reasons I do not know." He forces his face into a condescending one as he looks down at his precious person. "Seven? Kenma, what were you thinking?" He asks, shaking his head in disappointment. "You know how he gets around that stuff." Aki confides, giving her son another frown as she disappears through the door. Too familiar boxes are placed in front of them, reminding of times when he resented Shouyou, he smiles at the younger boy at the memory.

There's an odd satisfaction that fills his heart as he watches Shouyou try something that Kenma is passionate about, remembers that the younger boy had baked a pie just for his precious person. Dessert allows him an escape from Oikawa and he's surprised to find himself enjoying the dark haired boy's quiet company. The glee he's experiencing is ripped out from under him when his precious person starts _moaning_ into what can only be apple pie. Rolling his eyes, he allows his gaze to fall onto an unsettled Shouyou. "Don't like nuts, chibi-chan?" _What the hell is wrong with me._ Kuroo allows himself to observe the younger boy's emotions flicker across a too tense face. "I think I'm done with pie for a few months." Shouyou admits with an odd look. He laughs, scoops the pie away from the younger boy, "Understandable." He agrees, and proceeds to consumes what's left of the dessert.

He follows the younger boys up the stairs, too much food makes moving uncomfortable stomping the desire to help Kenma carry the weight of his precious person. Watching the boy pant heavily makes him feel guilty, wishing he could have done something to help, he speaks up instead of standing around like a creep. "You know," Pauses as Kenma moves to settle on the bed next to the younger boy, "When I heard from the Karasuno captain that Number Ten ran away from home, I was actually pretty shocked." Shouyou's neck turns into an ugly color with his words, "Daichi told you that?" He confirms with a nod, staring down the smaller boy evenly. "I already told him." The stammering makes him think otherwise, decides to push a little. "Told him what? That you ran away from home to join the rival team?" His tone is harsher than he intends, but the words are already out there. A nervous laugh escapes him before he can stop it.

"No! I didn't run away, I-" Kuroo grins brightly, not expecting to find an opening this soon. "You?" He prompts. Shouyou glares as he responds, "I'm- Visiting Kenma, summer break. Didn't run away." He almost rolls his eyes, finding the younger boy's quick thinking almost irritating, even if he's glad that Shouyou's spirit isn't damaged. He hums pensively, "Seems like you've got more stuff than just for a visit, chibi-chan." Points at the two bags in the corner that aren't Kenma's. The younger boy smiles tensely, "Oh you know- Middle blockers always come prepared." He barks out a laugh before he can help it. "They sure do." He agrees, stalking forward to stand in front of Kenma's precious person.

"You wanna fight?" The younger boy squeaks out, and he's laughing again, "Fight? You can barely move your legs!" Kuroo knows that his words are harsh, but he knows that pushing him will do him good. "I can still take you!" He fights a grin trying to smother his face at the declaration; Kuroo raises his hands in surrender, "Now now, I didn't come here to fight-" Kenma cuts him off before he can explain, asking him to explain. He holds back rolling his eyes, and stares down at his precious person. "Like I said, keeping an eye out, getting some answers before reporting back. You know how middle blockers are, right." Shouyou looks offended that he stole his words, "What more _answers_ do you need?" The youngest boy huffs. He grins, flicks a finger towards Kenma's nightstand, "Just about those orange little containers, speaking of orange, what happened to- this?" Kuroo takes a handful of inky black hair, tries not to frown at the flinch he receives. "Kenma doesn't take medication, last time I checked." He's not sure what his endgame with the questioning, he knows he passed a boundary the moment he made a physical connection with the boy in front of him.

"But I do like the color, it suits you." He praises, hoping that his words will put the smaller boy at ease. Kuroo feels himself breathe a little easier when Shouyou's face flushes at his words, "Thanks... I guess." The middle blocker stammers, he finds it satisfactory and removes his hand from the younger boy's head. "Shouyou got kicked out." Kenma announces, Kuroo almost laughs at the way Kenma fell back into a bad habit of saying things at inappropriate times. Faking surprise is simple enough when Shouyou isn't looking at him, "Who would kick little chibi-chan from his home?" he half teases, trying not to crush his precious person's precious person in his arms. "Don't you think Karasuno captain deserves an answer?" The smaller boy huffs, "I'll tell him right now!"

"Don't worry about it, consider it a favor, middle blocker to middle blocker." He almost offers another wink, feels weird for only half completing the action. "Well, Daichi knows I got kicked out of my home, but if you want to tell him that I'm in Tokyo, feel free." He most certainly will not, and Shouyou won't either, he doesn't need Oikawa coming after him if he ever finds out that Shouyou was hiding in Tokyo this entire time. "I'll make sure Karasuno captain gets the message." A lie, but Shouyou is yelling at him, telling him that his captain has a name and that he's a much better captain than he'll ever be. He makes a note to write that down, but leans down until his face is too close to Shouyou's. "We'll see about that, shrimp." He wonders if he's pushing too far but can't find it in himself to stop. "Let's see how well that captain of yours taught you then?" Watches from too close as Shouyou blinks too brown eyes, "Anywhere, anytime!" The middle blocker demands. "We'll make a bet then." He decides, surprising both of them. "Winner decides what to do with the loser." He's smiling, but praying that Shouyou would decline the challenge. 

"Deal!" Kuroo tries not to let memories flood him as he explains the conditions.  _Deal._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried, I really did, to get through the entire Kuroo arc in three chapters. I'm just. So lazy.


	33. Chapter Thirty-Three: Kuroo IV

**Chapter Thirty-Three: Kuroo IV**

Kuroo finds it almost too easy to fake interest in Shouyou's recovery, he tries to guide his precious person through the process feeling oddly reminiscent to the long months where he'd spend hours texting Kenma about volleyball theory. The small middle blocker is slowly becoming his fourth precious person, he only notices on the count of his fingers six days after his challenge. _Four._ Stares past bangs with straining eyes, his fingers still counted four; there's denial, still feels contempt for the dark haired boy for stealing Kenma, but there's something else, he thinks he could love Shouyou in a new way, vastly dissimilar to his parents and to Kenma. He's not sure how to explain it, would prefer not to think about it if orange turned black would grand him reprieve.

He's convinced that the new hair has something to do with his new feelings. Both orange and black suit Shouyou perfectly, but he thinks the darker color makes the younger boy look more mature, should he decide to ignore hickies and the wide eyes of a child. Studying color theory wasn't something Kuroo thought he would ever look into, but here he was, scanning his computer screen and asking anything but the question he needed to ask. _Why do I care?_ Logically, he knows he should distance himself from Shouyou as much as possible, Oikawa was still out there and still dangerous, taking into account Shouyou's _unknown_ condition that Kenma refuses to talk about, he's certain that his feelings will lead to nothing but destruction. He needs to distance Kenma from...

His new precious person.

Grey hair isn't something he should have to deal with at eighteen, or even twenty, and finding gleaming silver as he tugged his hair in frustration put things in a new perspective. Worrying about Kenma had never been stressful, he just did it. Thought about the blond boy for hours on end, wondering if he had eaten or if he had done his homework. That ease and those problems didn't apply to Shouyou, he hadn't had to convince the middle blocker to continue his education, didn't have to explain that calling someone an idiot was rude, he didn't have to shield Shouyou from people.

He wanted to. A compelling urge that Kuroo can't begin to decipher. Never having to fight on Kenma's behalf for as long as he's known the smaller boy had been a blessing, and he's only been in one other instance that could ever be considered a fight. Middle school had been a very dark time, he still can't eat pocky without imaging the sound of a nose breaking. Kuroo pulls himself together, stares at the university enrollment papers and color wheels on his computer. Higher education was something that he was still unsure about, he's certain that his dad will hide his body in a lake if he doesn't sign up for at least one class, but there's nothing that catches his attention. Pricey knowledge would fall on deaf ears if he didn't have his precious people - _person -_ in the same vicinity; their separation, he knows, is inevitable, knows that Kenma will be long gone one day. Kuroo prays that the blond boy looks back at least once before going.

"Major." Testing the word out is awkward, knows he'll have to get used to it in a year or two. _Hello, my name is Kuroo Tetsurou and my major is..._ He doesn't know. _I want to be..._ There. He wants to be there, with Kenma _and Shouyou_ to protect his special person. _People._ Protection is a career, knows there are paths to become a protector, but the subject just brings back law school. Expectations for that path are too constricting for him to pursue it. Happiness is as important as finding his self-worth when it comes to something he'll be doing for the rest of his life. Kuroo fills out everything except one box, the drop-down menu feels too much like condemnation for his taste. Convincing himself that the few months until his graduation will last longer than the calendar suggests, he turns off his computer and sighs into the now quiet room. March seemed like an eternity away, but he knows that those are too short, knows that several eternities can come and go before the school year ends.

Crawling into bed amnesty from planning his entire life around a fifteen minute spreadsheet; working his phone onto the charger grants him disputable pleasure as he checks up on Shouyou's progress, pointedly ignoring all of Oikawa's irritating texts. Kenma sent him a picture of Shouyou crying along with an explanation of why it was happening. He never knew his precious person was such a sadist, he ends up laughing after staring at the picture for a long time, knowing that only Shouyou would cry over _Animal Crossing_ of all things. His euphoria doesn't last long as he continues reading more of his precious person's words, an admission of concern. Shouyou would be leaving soon, returning to lonely Miyagi and a possessive Oikawa. He wants Shouyou to stay, if only for the boy's preservation instead of Kenma's satisfaction. He can tell that Shouyou doesn't trust him, doesn't know about how it was him that eased the dark haired boy through his lethargic state. Kuroo tries not to take it to heart, tries to deny that he's feeling _something_ towards Hinata Shouyou besides respect and a sense of rivalry.

He sends the team - excluding Kenma - a message to show up at noon _sharp_ for a surprise practice. An alarm is set and replies are ignores by squishing his head between his pillows, Tokyo noise is drowned out and he can only hear the beating of his heart and slow breathing. The sensation of isolation drives him into relaxation, counts Kenmas until he realizes that numbers are just a construct of society, and he's alone right now. Kuroo dreams of his precious people, the ones related to him are thankfully absent. That realization gives him breathing room he didn't know he craved, that extra space is pulled away with flashes of black and gold. There's pressure against his lips and hands curling around his waist.

Kuroo wakes up throbbing, pulsing too hot liquid into his boxers. The dark haired boy shudders in mortification and waits for the tingling to subside. _I just had a wet dream about a kiss._ Sparks of memories tell him it had been more than one kiss with more than one person do not help his panicking state. _I kissed Shouyou._ Knowing the exact opposite to be true fills him with longing and irritation, all of his previous _sessions_ had been focused solely on Kenma and had never held been so _innocent_ in nature. His pillows serves as a tissue and a muffler as he screams into the damp fibers, he really wish he could just _ignore_ it, but he knows that not confronting the situation will only lead to more embarrassment.

With a sigh and awkward stretching, his soaked and only garment is ripped from his body with languid desperation. The balled up fabric is tossed into almost blackness, the same place he would throw his now flooded imagination if he could. A shower is decided before he even lifts his head from the pillow, allows too hot water to peel destructive, impure thoughts from his skin along with dried up blotches of his release. He should be disgusted but finds everything but that as he scans his emotions, being close to his precious people made him happy. Being with both of them at the same time was unexpected but not entirely unpleasant if his body had anything to say about it. Shampoo and conditioner remind him that Shouyou probably shared Kenma's shampoo, and they'd both smell the same. _Holy shit._ Repeats the thought out loud, several times as he fixates on perfecting his appearance for today's match. The reminder that both subject of his _fantasy_ will be there made him curse even more frequently.

The dark haired boy ends up at the gym an hour before anyone is scheduled to show up, it's only when he's hanging up the net that he realizes something very important. Kuroo isn't sure why he thought that smacking balls would take his mind off of other _balls._ A cart of them is settled too close to him and is pushed away with a swift kick, the feeling of an imminent catastrophe settles in his gut as he starts practicing. It's pushed down to blatant paranoia, knows that nobody would barge through the gym doors and announce that the captain had had a wet dream about his best friend and temporary neighbor.

Unfortunate timing makes his heart freeze along with his legs, the door does slide open and someone does announce something. His attention is only half there as he takes in the arrival of his team, "Hey hey hey!" His ace bellows, arms full of a too long neck. "This'll teach you to sneak up on your elder!" Yamamato jeers with a rough squeeze on their newest regular; the taller boy squeaks out apologizes and Kuroo hides a snicker watching the too long lithe limbs clamber in the direction the older boy leads him. "Now now, don't want any injuries in the gym. You know how coach gets about unnecessary paperwork." He calls out to his teammates, offering distracted waves to the rest of them. Certain that the shiver from his ace wasn't just his imagination, he stalks forward as soon as Lev's neck is released and grapples the taller boy himself.

"C-Captain!" Lev squawks indignantly, he smiles down at the taller boy. "Yo." He greets with a pat to a mess of pale hair. Ignoring mumbles from his team about how unfair he is, he tugs the taller boy towards the locker room and pushes him inside. "Come prepared next time!" He shouts, pushing a jean clad leg out of the way so he can slam the door as dramatically as he pleases. The noise draws in the attention of the gym's other occupants, all eyes are on him suddenly and he offers more personalized greetings, thanking all for being here without telling them why. Lev returns after a long moment, finally in practice acceptable clothing, and offers to help the younger boy stretch.

"Captain, you're hurting me."

"Am I?"

"H-Yes!"

"Are you sure?" He queries while pushing a too lithe arm until he's sure that the half-Russian will be able to scratch his face from at least six angles, the younger boy squirms and he chuckles as innocently as he can manage. "S-so, why are we here again?" Lev questions with his eyes glued to his _perfectly_ stretched shoulder, he shrugs and mumbles incoherently for a moment, hoping that the middle blocker will just enjoy his surprise. He sends a message to Kenma after _not_ ruining his teammate's limbs, giving him an hour to prepare for his inevitable loss.

His precious person is surprisingly not late, Kuroo is almost certain that the black haired middle blocker attached to Kenma's arm has something to do with it. "Chibi-chan!" He exclaims, praying that _I had a wet dream about kissing you_ isn't written into his grey hairs and awkward smile, he darts over to the smaller boy and lifts him off the ground wondering if his make-Kenma-on-time secret will fall out of his shorts. The black haired boy glares up at him throw messed up bangs, "Why'd you do that, Kuroo?" Shouyou snarls at him, he pretends that it isn't cute.

"You called me by my name! Oh chibi-chan, I never thought the day would come." He offers instead of an explanation, glad for the lack of honorifics or the nickname Shouyou's phone has him saved as. Kuroo can't stop his hand before it's settled in silky blackness, only frowning slightly at the flinch his action receives. "Oh! Who's this guy? He's so short- even shorter up close!" The Nekoma captain contemplates pulling his hand out of Shouyou's hair to punch Lev before he says even worse things, his restraint is found just as the middle blocker shows up at his side.

Kuroo isn't surprised when Shouyou challenges the taller boy to a fight, finds himself smiling as he recalls the same threat from when the younger boy couldn't even walk on his own. "I-I didn't mean anything by it!" The half-Russian squeaks, attempting to hide behind him. "How tall are you anyway?" The smallest asks, glaring at Lev exclusively now. "Uh- About one hundred ninety-four, last time I checked." The number still shocks him when he hears it, but Shouyou looks more annoyed than placated by the admission.

"Chibi-chan this is-" But the brat cuts him off, "My _name_ is Hinata Shouyou, and I'm going to be Karasuno's ace and go to nationals, so don't forget it!" The little imp is glaring at him now; the outburst surprises him but Lev chooses now to introduce himself. "Haiba Lev." The taller middle blocker offers Shouyou his hand, "Future ace of Nekoma!" Yamamato beats him to the punch, inserting his fist none too carefully into the middle blocker's side. Kuroo ignores the bickering of his teammates in favor of watching the newcomer stammer over the foreign name. "Where are you from?" The black haired boy questions with an aggravated pout.

"Uh- Tokyo." Lev answers, trying to squirm away from their ace's fist; he watches Shouyou's face contort in confusion with half a smile, almost feels sorry for the younger boy as he makes another attempt at the strange name. "Why are you so tall, it's very rude." Shouyou mutters, grabbing at Kenma's arm again. "Sorry?" Lev concedes, and the urge to help the taller boy stretch returns. "Well, Shouyou-chan, now that you've met this guy, it's time to get down to business." He announces, making sure to stress the other boy's first name as much as possible. A clap of his hands has the court emptied and his team lined up

"Ready to lose, Kuroo-chan?" The black haired boy calls out, but Kuroo just laughs, soaking in the new confidence that Shouyou pulled from almost nowhere. "It'll certainly be a surprise if someone as short as you can beat me." He teases, almost regretting the words when Shouyou almost jumps at him. "Remember, Shouyou-chan, loser decides what to do with the loser." He chides, flourishing his hand to offer up his teammates.

"I want Kenma!" The younger boy demands, his heart sinks a little at that, Kenma was their only regular setter as well as his precious person. "As a sign of good faith, I'm willing to let that happen." The words are meant to be of kindhearted nature, but they sound bitter in his own ears. "Anyone else, _captain_?" He badgers, almost cackling at the blush spreading across Shouyou's cheeks. "Oh- Pick me! Pick Me! Sho-chan!" Wondering if coach will actually need _that_ paperwork, his gaze falls onto the overexcited form of Lev, catches the ending bit of Shouyou's glare and hopes that Lev will get the message.

"Fine... stupid Lev." The younger boy trails off with Lev's name, Kuroo almost offers to teach him the name, especially since he was going to be on the same team as _rrebvvv._ "Just be ready to take down your captain, because he's a dumb-" He watches his precious person clamp a hand over Shouyou's mouth before the insult can be finished, "Lev, go stretch." Kenma advises. He hides a cackle behind his hand takes another look at his team, wondering if he should go all out or help their weakest link with some additional practice.

A combination of both is his best bet, "Yamamato, Inuoka!" He calls, and the two boys step forward. "Are you gonna beat Shouyou and Kenma-senpai?" Suppressing a sigh, he tells the younger boys to get ready for the most interesting game of volleyball they will ever experience. The rest of the team disperses, he offers them smiles and nods before turning back to Shouyou and Kenma, offering the smallest boy his hand. "Good luck, _captain."_ He asserts along with his hand, enjoying the way that Shouyou's face breaks out into another blush.

Shouyou's hand is small and warm in his, clammy as well but he ignores that when the smaller boy's too brown gaze falls into his line of sight. He's known the other middle blocker to be a few things, the subject of his hatred and someone he respects, a very embarrassing figment of his _fantasy,_ but never intimidating. It's something he can't quite name, but the unnatural way that brown orbs draw him in rattles his head. Then Shouyou is smiling, a half distracting fox grin that makes him regret having an extra serving of rice for breakfast. "Get ready to lose!" The small boy chirps, extracting his heat from Kuroo's grasp.

He smiles, something vicious that spreads his lips before he can help it, "Ah, but I have no intentions of losing, Shouyou-chan." Shouyou is still smiling when he turns around, clapping at his two teammates to stand up. "Let's do this!" Grabbing a ball for their game gives him an excuse to see his precious person up close for the first time in what seems like forever, he hears music when their fingers collide and pretends not to notice that their touching doesn't last an awkward amount of time.

Shouyou serving first is a surprise in itself, the middle blocker has the power to set the tone of the game with his next move; the ball flies over the net, slowly and reveals how out of practice the smaller boy is with their sport. He intercepts the ball easily enough, pushing it to the left is an easy decision, both Kenma and Lev are average at receives and Inuoka is a very good asset when psyched up. He expects the ball to sling past his precious person, the blond boy is just as out of practice as Shouyou is, and almost gasps when gold flashes and Kenma is _there._ "Shouyou." His precious person calls out, and the dark haired boy in question is flying into the path of the ball.

Shouyou flies.

His wariness of the smaller boy makes sense, watching compact legs _launch_ a too thin body into the air. The first attack takes him by surprise, but he's throwing himself into ball's path; he doesn't make it, Kuroo almost smiles, almost proud of the other captain. Lev crowds his enemy turned _fantasy_ turned rival, he barely has enough time to school his face into a glare before the runt is smiling at him. "It's on, you little brat!" He declares, shoving his chin up to appear even taller than the already short boy.

The jump serve startles him, wasn't aware that Shouyou even knew the theory behind it, let alone being capable of doing one after just learning to walk. Kuroo's impressed, not that a black haired little jerk needs to know that. Team Hinata's lead forced encouraging words out of his mouth, already seeing signs of his teammate's frustration. Inuoka manages to intercept Shouyou's next serve, he grapples it towards Yamamato and the ace rockets it through Lev's widespread arms. They share whoops and hugs while the score gets tallied, it should be enough to change the tide, especially when he can see Lev getting scolded for using _the fuck word,_ followed by another ill attempt at pronouncing his name from the enemy captain.

"Here it comes, Shouyou-chan!" He croons, twisting his palm as he serves it. Flashes of black and his service ace chance is ruined, allows himself to be frustrated with Shouyou's recovery while they're on opposite ends of the net. Checking that Kenma is setting the ball, he scoots forward, too aware of Lev's awkward spiking angles. His dash is cut short when he notices Lev jumping too late, the silver haired boy distracted with cheering on his teammate. Kenma's set, a beautiful toss that had been awkwardly augmented for Lev's height, fling towards Yaku and barely manages to miss the libero's head.

Making sure not to get shown up, he indulges himself in his own jump serve, sending the ball rocketing towards the out-line. Shouyou barely manages to intercept that one, but he still frowns. Shouyou hadn't practiced in almost a month and was still able to catch up to his serves. With a sigh, he darts forward not sure how Kenma will respond to the ball's awkward angle, Kuroo realizes too late that the blur of black wasn't just his imagination. Faster than he could blink Shouyou was across the court, already in the air and ball practically within his spiking range; Kuroo's not sure how long it's been since he's fallen victim to a regular straight, a weak one at that. He's pretty sure it was back in middle school, in the early days of teaching Kenma and himself the rules of the game.

His heart almost stops when Shouyou's next dive ends up with his face on the ground and the ball smacking into his head from Yamamato, he wants to laugh as well, but he'll save that for when he knows the younger boy is okay. "That all you got?" The middle blocker teases, making his ace growl in frustration; Kuroo is still concerned, wondering if Shouyou's head will just fall in half like a watermelon at some point. He keeps a careful eye on the younger boy through the remainder of the set, he's almost shocked by the news that they've managed it when all three of them are concurrently frustrated with Shouyou's optimism and dedication, along with his ability to back it up.

As a captain, it hurts to see one of his teammates hurting, but _technically_ Lev isn't on his team at the moment and finds himself smiling at the taller boy's wail of agony. He lets Inuoka start off the next set, a decision he immediately regrets when the first year starts _screaming_ while serving. Both of the middle blockers on the other team both dive a the weak serve and Kuroo winces, wondering which one of them is going to lose a limb. Shouyou is up and in soaring in front of him when he looks back. His jump is awkward and desperate, hoping that his moment of hesitation won't lose them the first point; his fingers flex outwards on instinct, allowing his eyes to observe Shouyou's overwhelming presence. He's certain that the lights are making the shorter boy look enormous in front of him, and barely notices as the ball collides with his middle finger and ricochets off the court.

"Nice wipe, Shouyou-chan." Kuroo offers as he replays the last few moments in his mind, gives the smaller boy a smile to express the honesty of his compliment. "Wipe?" The younger captain asks, Kuroo almost sighs, wishing that such talent wasn't wasted on chasing dreams at _Karasuno._ "It's when you force the ball out when you spike it." Hazel eyes blink in his direction, Kuroo's smile widens, "That's what you meant to do, right?" He jeers. "Of course I meant to do that!" The smaller boy cries out, sounding particularly defensive."Of course you did, Shouyou-chan, I'd wouldn't expect anything less of a fellow captain." He amends with a wink.

"You won't beat me, Shouyou-chan." Kuroo lets his voice drop considerably, contrasted by Inuoka's correction of, "Beat _us_ , right, Kuroo-san?" Shouyou ignores the other boy and he follows suit, sharing glares with the other captain until the next whistle is called. Lev gives another awkward serve, looking like a squid trying to control his limbs while he flails at the ball; he startles when the ball whizzes past his head, leaving a burn on the his ear from the almost impact. "Lev, you bastard, you almost took my fucking head off!" He shouts, ignoring his use of _the fuck word._ Rubbing at his now sore ear, he plucks the ball up and sighs into it. They would win this set because despite Shouyou's incredible reflexes and Kenma's strategy, Lev was still a novice, a weak link, and Kuroo wanted to win. He's not sure when he's felt this _bloodlust,_ or anything as strongly; at some point, he's convinced that if he wins that his _feelings_ towards Shouyou will cease to exist.

They don't. The victory feels empty and his whoops are hollow; his praise is cut short by a shriek that has his heart racing, his eyes find Kenma instantly, a flash of blond pushing Lev away. His precious person coddling Shouyou, tucking the shorter boy behind him like a shield. The sight shocks him, years of being in Kenma's position and a sudden outsider perspective make his throat dry and his brain stop functioning. He's never seen Kenma look so protective and powerful in his entire life, he swoops forward in an attempt to grasp at the residual waves of Kenma's provided sanctuary. The moment only lasts a moment, but the burn on his skin is seared into his mind along with thousands of other memories of Kenma. He wished he knew what caused it, but his precious person's face is contorted in irritation.

Shouyou's entire body is shaking when he takes a glance at the boy, he feel his curiosity grow and extends his hand as a comfort; the younger boy's hand is engulfed in his larger one, he tugs the younger boy forward, away from the shield that Kenma is providing until they're standing in front of each other. "I told you wouldn't beat me, Shouyou-chan, but-" He's not sure what to say, if he should even bring anything up, knowing that Shouyou doesn't care much for him makes finding the right words difficult. "I'm pretty interested in those jump serves you did. They were pretty interesting." He tries to sound as friendly as possible, bringing his voice into an almost whisper, he feels like he's talking to a stray cat.

"Had some help." Shouyou admits through gritted teeth, Kuroo frowns, worried he said the wrong thing and takes a closer look at the younger boy, unsure if he should say anything at all. "That makes sense, that form did look familiar." He wonders if Shouyou learned the same way he did, through meticulous observation of professional players and endless attempts at mimicking them. Kuroo just really wishes he could find something in common with the younger boy besides Kenma, and even that was different if he compared them closely.

"What do you want- For your favor, I mean." He blinks, practically having forgot about the _deal_ in his plethora of too fresh emotions. "You're leaving for Miyagi tomorrow right?" He sighs, hoping he's not being too forward to spend alone time with the younger boy. Offering a smile when Shouyou nods up at him, he leans forward and whispers, "Come by my house tomorrow on your way to the station. Alone." He almost smacks himself at how much he sounds like a creep, but his intentions are for the greater good. For his precious people.

"I-I'll see you there." He nods, frightened that Shouyou still wouldn't meet his eyes. Taking desperate measures, he uses something he's certain would work, a trump card specifically for dealing with Shouyou. "Want to have a rematch, no deal this time?" Kuroo can almost see the younger boy's ears perk up at his words, would laugh if he wasn't forced catatonic by gleaming amber eyes, too similar to Kenma's under the gym lights. There's a wide smile and a call of acceptance, he relishes in the extra time his manipulation has earned him, taking prods at the younger boy's story to get to know him a little better. He fills the void where Shouyou falls silent, starts rattling off little memories about Kenma when Shouyou's face tilts into a frown. Scolds himself for not being more sensitive about family subjects when it comes to the middle blocker.

His precious person drags the dark haired boy off after hours of endless practice and coaching. As Kenma's captain, he's proud that the blond boy made it through all of it, as a friend he's a little concerned that he's pushing himself for another's sake and finally snapped. Watching the younger boys leave forces his mood to drop without his permission, he cleans the gym as quickly as possible, thanks everyone for coming and closes the gym doors behind him with relief. Taking the train home felt lonely without cause and crashing into his front door was equally as unsettling; being without any of his precious people, being forsaken and deserted, left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Sleep drags him out of the shower before he can bother to shampoo his hair, cradling his head between two mounds of cotton gives him a sense of liberation. No Tokyo, no precious people, and no obligations under this cover. Kuroo falls asleep wondering why victory leaves him with an empty feeling in his heart and a pain under his eyes. The night takes an eternity to pass, it feels like he's aware of every second ticking bye even when he knows he's not conscious to witness every moment. Knowing that the moments passing with a blink of an eye leave him feeling like he hadn't slept at all, a terrible feeling when a black sun was coming over.

Kuroo settles in bed, pillows tossed onto the floor and his phone positioned carefully above his face. Empty social media, boring news articles that he knows his father would drool over if the man wasn't buried up to his neck in paperwork and fabricated evidence. Morning passes into midday, he's still in bed and has very little will to continue breathing, let alone actually moving anything but his thumb and his eyes. He's run out of things to do except stare into the screen of his dead phone; he's not sure when it died, just that he was doing something mundane when it happened. _Majors._ He remembers glancing at too long lists with too complicated titles. Tapping the screen brings it back to life, he wonders how long he's been staring into nothing.

Tucking the device in his pocket, he realizes that he's been waiting for something. An opportunity with his new precious person, a glance outside shows fading sun and Kuroo bites his lip, wondering for half a second if he's been ditched. Surprised to find himself already dressed, he heads downstairs for what can no longer be considered breakfast. His mug slips from his grip with a knock at the door, he grouches across towards the entrance hall, glad for the person's face that it wasn't his favorite mug.

Shouyou's on the other side of the door when he swings it open, he all but glares at the smaller boy, regretting making this his reward. "What did you want?" The younger boy asks, shaking like a leaf, like he's scared; Kuroo stares down at the middle blocker, wondering why the other even existed, why his presence tormented him like it did. Turning around, he waves the runt in and leans against the wall near the light switch wishing everything he asks for doesn't end up hurting for no reason. He watches Shouyou step forward, through the threshold and onto unfeeling tiles; he's not sure why he can relate to cement. "Kuroo-?" He snaps at the call of his voice, leaping forward until Shouyou was pressed against the door.

 _Stop._ He doesn't listen to his own brain, knows he could just laugh it off as a Kabe-don and walk Shouyou to the station. _Shouyou is leaving._ His new precious person wasn't allowed to leave him, "What does he see in you?" His voice seethes, growling down at an already vulnerable boy. "What- What do you mean?" Kuroo's not even sure what he's talking about, but he's frustrated. _Shouyou isn't allowed to leave._ "I saw the way you looked at him, you fucking whore!" For once, he's thankful that the house is empty but he's scared that nobody can stop him, knows that Shouyou wouldn't be able to with all of his will power; he grabs onto too slim shoulders, slams them into the barrier separating him from his other precious people. Shouyou was stopping him. "One guy not good enough for you? Want to take my best friend away, huh?" Oikawa wasn't relevant, he's not sure why he thought otherwise. "Answer me, fucker!" Leaning into the smaller boy's face, he speaks directly into quivering ears. "Is he paying you? God, you're such a fucking slut." He wants to stop. None of his precious people deserve to be spoken to this way, especially by him, but Shouyou can't leave.

"I-I-" The smaller boy squeaks, he resents the sound silences it by clamping onto Shouyou's shoulders again. "I.I." His voice mocks, feels his eyes glaring into Shouyou's darting ones; the younger boy's breathe is coming out in panicked gasps, knows he'll scare the boy out of their lives forever. Kuroo just hopes that Kenma can forgive him. "I'm sorry!" It's Kuroo that should be sorry, he slams the smaller boy into the door again for thinking otherwise, he just needed Shouyou not to leave. _Why won't he say it?_ "No, you're not." He observes, forcing his hand down on Shouyou's head until the smaller boy sinks onto trembling knees. "But you will be." _You won't leave us._ Remembering Oikawa's teasing drags his shorts down before he realizes, presses his too hard heat against Shouyou's cheek; knowing that Shouyou is above the age of consent is a relief in itself, and Shouyou would never say no to being his precious person. _Would he?_ He doubts it, Kenma had ran from him, but Shouyou wouldn't. Shouyou would stay with them.

"Such a whore, begging for my cock already?" Knows that he and Kenma could give everything Oikawa could give, if the younger boy wanted this, he would give it to him. Kuroo smiles when Shouyou's mouth opens for him, accepts his place at their side. "C'mon, I know you can suck dick better than that. If you want money, you're gonna have to try harder." Shouyou wanted to be dominated, wanted to have a _Grand King._ He'd be the fucking emperor if he had anything to say about it. His senses overwhelm him until he's not sure he's Tetsurou anymore, can feel his member slotting into Shouyou's mouth, can feel himself throbbing too far past the younger boy's tongue. Teeth are gliding over too soft flesh, he hisses, rams his hips forward until Shouyou's head collides with the wall. "If you bite me, I'll fucking kill you." He doesn't mean it, would never hurt his chibi-chan more than necessary, would never inflict anything the younger boy would beg for.

Pulling himself from his precious person is agony, but the moment can't be over until Shouyou is sated; grabbing himself is oddly disconnected, it takes him a moment to realize that the slick under his fingers is saliva and pre-cum. With a flick of his wrist, he slaps his dick against Shouyou's face, listens to the grotesque slap with interest. Kuroo uses the boy like he knows Shouyou likes, dominates him so he won't leave. Shouyou's mouth is still open, inhaling his cock with want. He's glad that Shouyou wants this too. Each gland crackles with fire and ice as he docks himself completely in the smaller boy, can feel Shouyou's cute little nose breathing in his most private place. He's glad his precious person wants to share this with him. "Hey, look up here." Kuroo begs, wanting to stare into molten amber as they both finish.

A tap of his finger has the moment immortalized, a flash of light has him refocused on bringing his precious person pleasure. _Dominate him._ "Insurance." He explains, because he would never lie to his precious person, offers the new memory to the smaller boy. "Don't fight me, or I'll send this to everyone - Kenma, Oikawa, even your captain." Shouyou was theirs, he needed everyone to know that, he smiles when the smaller boy nods his confirmation. Kuroo leans impossibly forward, feels Shouyou's spit building up in excess, the liquid slides around the edges of his dick. They share a moan, something they have in common. He pulls back, away from his precious person, wants them to finish together. His dick is throbbing wildly in his grasp, the first sensation that feels like his own; whining, he takes hold of himself, starts stroking him to completion, he had to wait for his precious person to finish first.

"Gonna be a good Shouyou-chan?" Hopes that Shouyou would be his good boy, would be Kenma's good boy too; his precious person nods, dragging his lips over Kuroo's cock. "Such a fucking slut." He's happy his good boy is eager to please them. Kuroo pushes his dick back in, lets his precious person get as much of him as he wants. His cock settles in Shouyou's throat, leaks pre-cum straight into the begging channel. Shouyou moans around him. _He's ready._ Pulling back, he strokes at his cock again, thankful for lubrication his precious person has given him.

"Want this load?" He teases, drawing Shouyou closer to the edge until he's sure the younger boy is as close as he is. "'Course you do, a slut like you? Any guy'll do, right? Get my best friend to fuck that ass of yours yet?" Kuroo hopes that Kenma will love their good boy as much as he does. Imagining that forces him to explode, wondering what sweet sounds both of his precious people would make when they're finishing, his cock throbs when the noises start becoming more and more real. He can feel Shouyou's face under his dick, begging for more. Grinning, he wipes the last smear of it on his precious person's cheek, saves the moment with a flash of light.

"I think I like this one the most." His memories of Shouyou had been dull before, like they belonged to someone else. Now Shouyou belonged to him, and to Kenma. "Clean yourself up, you fucking faggot, then get out." It feels bad to insult someone he loves, but he knows that the younger boy loves to be dominated this way, so he handles it as best as he can. Shouyou whines in response, he's surprised the boy is so worn out, he's glad he could help Shouyou finish. "Kenma finds out, everyone in Japan will know what a fucking whore you are, got it." He doesn't want his other precious person to see this side of Shouyou, the part that begs to be hurt and dominated. The younger boy nods, Kuroo thinks he can see a glimpse of a smile. "Good boy." He praises, helping his precious person to his feet, hoping that walking home with shorts full of cum is enough to tide him over.

"You're mine now, got it?" Shouyou nods, he gives the younger boy a smile, catching glimpses of the molten amber he's been seeking all day. "Train leaves in ten minutes, better run." Wishes there could be a way for Shouyou to stay, but he knows that his good boy is too nice to break up with Oikawa over the phone. "'Till next time, bye-bye!" He giggles as Shouyou pretends to ignore him, savors the sated feeling in his balls and the fresh memories in his head.

He misses Shouyou already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That marks the end of this Kuroo arc. How's everyone feeling? I'm feeling pretty good. (I've literally never been sober during the entirety of writing this story.)


	34. Chapter Thirty-Four

** Chapter Thirty-Four **

Seeing Kuroo again was terrifying in too many ways; the older boy wasn't shrouded in shadows and covered in blood like his subconscious tried to convince him, there was no menacing smiles and no flashes of light. The Nekoma captain almost looked _normal._ That scares him the most, that a monster can hide so easily under Kenma's safety, he thinks he might be sick. Any _plans_ that he had are nonexistent as he focuses on staunching his insides from ending up on Kenma's floor. With his shoes already off, his hands are left with little to do except form too tight fists. _This isn't right._ Kenma approaches him slowly, a weird crease in his brow that Hinata feels unfamiliar with.

"Shouyou?" Hinata forgot how deep Kenma's voice was, ignoring the concerned tone was harder than he would admit; worrying Kenma was the last thing he wanted to do and there's only so many lies that he can tell before the older boy sees right through him. Silently, he draws upon any strength he has and does something he shouldn't have to force. His lips are trembling as he forces a grin and his will to continue almost falls flat when Kenma's frown sinks lower. "Sorry." Not quite sure what for. Being late and leaking raindrops onto Kenma's floor are the easiest explanations but feel meaningless, because he has too many things to be sorry for and not enough time to beg for forgiveness. "Sorry." Quieter, practically mumbles the word when he can't quite meet the older boy's too close gaze.

"You have them again." Frowning down at his feet, he offers another apology, only to feel too warm hands tugging at his jacket. "Stop apologizing." The order startles him as much as the fingers tugging at his chin; rings of bright gold observe him too closely and his heart starts pounding too hard when he's not allowed to look away, "What's wrong?" Kenma's bluntness takes him by surprise even when it shouldn't. Hinata shrugs his shoulders, surprised to find they lack the weight of his bag. "Nothing." Is the only answer he can provide because saying anything else would break him, force him to admit his suspicions and the guilt that's grasping at his throat with too big claws. Kenma hums from above him, a dismissive noise, then his hand is being tugged until he walking further into the place he calls home.

Memories are swiping by as the older boy leads him, his first and last conversations with Aki overlap in his ears until they're mounting countless stairs that remind him of shampoo and long fingers. Kenma's room is overwhelming at first, countless emotions sealed into four blue walls and a messy bed, but each sensation is relived and pulled away along with the soaking fabric and dignity. Observant eyes make his skin itch in shame, then Kenma is tugging at bandages and asking questions from too far away. "Shouyou?" Louder, in his face along with collected gold, "Tell me what these are." Fingers grazing his torment has him pulling away but too long fingers have him pinned. "Did he do these?" Hinata isn't sure who he is, can only remember screaming and the too bright lights.

"No." He replies when gold rings start to shift into shadows, "Sorry." He offers, but Kenma just sighs. "Did he do these?" Music he knows shouldn't exist has him fighting for freedom again, "Don't-" Kenma shouldn't ruin himself with that poison. Delicate fingers start to burn his skin, reigniting too many sensations that force his breathing to catch up with his heart. "Please-" He wants it to be over, wants the older boy to stop prying and soiling himself with his corruption. "This has to stop, Shouyou." It seems stupid to say out loud, because somehow he knows that this will never end.

He leans forward, soaking in the words along with Kenma's warmth, "Please end it with Oikawa." Not sure what to make of the words, Hinata nods into the older boy's neck, he's not sure when it even _started_ with Oikawa for it to end. Everything he remembers is as blurry as his vision, and doesn't help the hammering in his chest that only Kenma can fix. "Don't use his name." He reminds the older boy but Kenma just snorts, "You don't have to be scared of him, he can't hurt you for leaving." Knowing the opposite to be true, he grabs onto Kenma's shirt, an act of desperation he can't stop himself from committing. Everything sounds so easy when the older boy says it, but Kenma doesn't know Grand King and doesn't know about Kuroo, either.

"Sorry." Says it more out of habit than actual sincerity, leaving Grand King would be dangerous to do alone and he didn't want to risk two people getting hurt because of him. Kenma sighs into his ear, soft and only for him in way that makes him wish he could be only for Kenma; the blond boy holds him for a small eternity and Hinata allows himself to drown out the too loud city with the small praises whispered into his ear. "Shouyou." Too loud after only whispers, the voice has his spine locking up but forces the tension away after remembering where he is. "Tell me the truth." Hinata nods, he'd answer anything that Kenma asks him. "What are these?" Fingers sliding down his back and grasping at his shaking arms, ghosting over half healed scars. "Accident." He admits, because the were but Kenma didn't need to know what caused the accident.

"How is cutting yourself an accident?" Kenma's voice is too hard too fast and the tone makes him flinch away from the comfort he's begged for. "I was scared." Wishes Kenma would stop, because the older boy would know if he kept asking the right questions. Nobody should have that power, especially someone who could hurt if they look too deep. "What were you scared of?" As much as he hates to admit it, almost everything scares him, too many things that can be brought back to two team captains who have broken him.

"The dark." He confesses instead of begging Kenma to stop. The older boy makes a soft noise then pulls away, Hinata tries to follow but is met with only empty space and too cold skin. "Here, you probably don't want Kuroo to see you naked." Fabric pushes against his bare chest, he's too stunned to do more than grasp at it, the idea of being exposed to Kuroo is hellish and he's thankful for the panic flooding his system that prevents him from seeing it between his every blink. There's a sigh with Kenma's next movement that makes him wish he had better control over himself, that his weakness didn't hurt the people he loved. "Sorry." He croaks, tugging at too many clothes until his body is warm but empty.

Kenma's Nekoma jacket is bright from where it hangs across his frame, too familiar red that makes him too aware that Kuroo is still in the house. It smells like flowers instead of Kenma's sweat, his disappointment is met with self-disgust but he's too distracted with getting shorts to notice Kenma's absence until the older boy appears in the doorway with a towel. "Can I tell you something?" Kenma's voice is soft, and muffled by the sound of his hair being rubbed dry. Kenma starts talking without waiting for his answer, like he hadn't been expecting it, "I like you in my clothes." Hinata swallows excessive dread, knows that Kenma would never use that word. "It means you're safe." He laughs and Kenma makes an unimpressed noise.

"I slept the entire time I wore this jacket." Forces himself to look at Kenma's face, knows that the disappointment wouldn't be there if only for a moment, catching a smile through too black bangs is his reward and he stops breathing. "Sleeping is safe, Kuroo and I watched over you everyday." His brain stops working, just for a second. "What do you mean?" The words are simple and he's certain that they are wrong. "Kuroo made you soup, made sure your pillow was fluffed. He's just like his mom." Kenma hums in reminiscence, but he's still trying to wrap his head around everything Kenma just said. "Why?" His eyes are started to itch with too many theories and fears, looks up at Kenma, desperate for an explanation.

The older boy frowns, "He's always goes overboard when his friends get sick." _Friend._ Hinata's shaking his head before he can help it, Kuroo did not think of him as a friend, "That- That doesn't make any sense." Knows the statement would confuse the taller boy, would make him curious and the middle blocker almost begged Kenma to ask for an answer. "Isn't it obvious?" The only thing obvious to him is that Kuroo is more frightening than he ever imagined. "Kuroo wants to be your friend, I think he might even have a crush on you, he's been asking about you all week." Kenma huffs, like there's a joke to be found in this game of lies and torture.

He doesn't respond, but he does allow the older boy to lead him back downstairs. Kenma pushes him onto the sofa, and Hinata allows himself to grasp at the other boy, hiding himself away from too many thoughts. Tokyo was supposed too be his escape, Kenma was supposed to protect him from Grand King and keep Kuroo away; neither of those things happened, Kenma going so far as to push both subjects into his shattering psyche. Kuroo is there, sharing the sofa with them, out of arms reach but still too close. The older boys talk in quiet tones, both of them staring at the television with most of their attention; Hinata isn't sure how Kenma can be comfortable around the Nekoma captain, doesn't want to think about what Kuroo's _friendship._ Something tells him that Kuroo hadn't done that to Kenma, would never think about doing that to Kenma if he had anything to say about it. _Friendship._ He's had a few friends, only a handful that he would tell anything, only one that he would tell everything.

Hours later, Kuroo stands suddenly and Hinata has to hide his trembling hands between his legs to hide any perceivable weaknesses. "Aww!" The older boy coos, then too much darkness is looming over him, and too dark eyes are staring right past his composure. "You look so cute cuddling Kenma!" No acceptable response comes to mind, only his shortening breaths draw his attention. A blinding light has him stopping his attempts all together. "Kuro!" Kenma snaps, leaning forward and swiping at the monster standing over him. "I told you stop with the pictures." _Insurance._ Hinata forces himself to inhale through a too tight throat when his vision starts twisting with black. "You guys are just so adorable! Look." A bright screen is pushed towards him, he leans back, knowing if he runs his finger across the screen another picture of him will show up. Kuroo's smile is twisted, like he knows what he's thinking about.

Kuroo is too close to him and Hinata is scared to breathe, terrified that if they share the same breathe that he'll relive the darkness. Kenma grounds him, telling him silently that everything will be okay with firm strokes of his fingers and a shared look in which he doesn't have to hide how terrified he is. There will come a time, he knows, where the blond boy will know everything; Kenma will have to choose between them and he's completely unsure if Kenma will even believe him.

Haruo breaks the tension, walks through the front door like a blessing. The older man provides another layer of safety between him and Kuroo on the sofa, Hinata thinks if anyone can humanize Kuroo that it would be Kenma's dad. He's still scared, terrified and shaking in Kenma's arms, but he knows that Kuroo couldn't pull him into shadows with two other witnesses. The rest of the movie passes in flashes between his calm and panicking state, sharp contrasts of comfort followed by all of his nerves frying at once whenever he's reminded of Kuroo's proximity. He can't find it himself to join in their conversation, feeling too much like an outsider for no particular reason, he's also thankful for his too tight throat prohibiting him drawing the Nekoma captain's notice. _Friendship._ Almost too soon, the eldest male stands up with a smile and a promise of the most delicious dinner they've ever had.

His stomach squirms in hunger and clenches at the thought of Kuroo joining them, painfully aware of the now smaller distance between him and the older boy. The older boys are talking, both sets of too painful gazes are on each other instead of him, which doesn't discourage him from tucking himself into Kenma's side and praying that this situation would end with minimal blood loss and claims of ownership. Through impossible means, he finds himself staring into too brown eyes, chopper and intimidating despite the smile. "You okay, Shouyou?" Heart freezing at the words he takes a moment to nod, and Kuroo's smile turns into half a frown that's too similar to Kenma's. "Are you sure, you've been quiet- silent all night." Hinata feels his eyes clamping shut, blocking that face out but subjecting himself into blackness, and nods again. Kenma grunts, then wonderfully long fingers are creeping up his neck and into his hair, breathing is almost easier but he can still feel Kuroo staring at him.

"Boys?" Haruo calls from behind them and Hinata has to suppress the urge to hide behind the older male. "I'm ordering, what do you want?" He almost laughs, can't find a way to dig the humor out of endless pits of despair, and burrows his way further into Kenma's chest. He can hear the other boy's heartbeat, like drums that make him tired despite the adrenaline and fear that makes his entire body tingle. "Shouyou." Kenma's chest shifts as his voice calls out, disrupting the connection along with the peace that he manages to pull from the rhythm. Tilting his head up he stares into gold irises and feels the sensation all over again, "What do you want?" The blond boy asks but he's already forgotten what they were talking about.

His silence drags the moment on for longer than necessary, then both Kenma's heart and eyes are away from him, "Just get him what I'm getting." _Food._ He doesn't remember hearing Kenma speak before he had called his name finds that he doesn't particularly care, glad for the lapse in time where he's able to find a strange new comfort in his friend. Within a blink, Kuroo is gone and Hinata allows himself a moment to draw in a real breath before looking back up at Kenma. "Are you okay?" The older boy is pouting, and Hinata wishes that it would stop but he knows that he'll if he tells the truth it'll only get worse. Nodding also makes it worse, Kenma makes another noise and the hands tugging at his hair slows to stop.

"Be honest." It's a harsh whisper, directly into his ear that sends thorns of anxiety ricocheting through his spine; the effort to meet Kenma's eyes must give him away, but he nods anyway and listens as the blond boy draws out a short sigh. The hand starts again, long fingers spanning across his scalp more roughly than before. Making Kenma mad wasn't his intention and now he feels like garbage but can't find the voice to beg for forgiveness. "Is it Kuroo?" The voice is softer than before, but still close enough that he can feel the heat from Kenma's mouth. Hinata feels himself go still, he tries to shake his head and deny that anything is wrong; he can't, he can't lie to Kenma, even if it makes the older boy mad at him.

"I guess telling you not to worry wouldn't help." He thinks there might be a question in there, but Kenma can see through him easily even when he's completely silent. "Remember what I told you last time you were here?" Hinata blinks, he knew that Kenma wasn't a very talkative person, but the older boy had said a lot of things in the almost month that he stayed in Tokyo. The setter seems to catch onto his confusion as easily as he expects him to, "You don't have to be strong when you're with me." He nods, distinctly remembering the feeling of belonging and the devastation of loss as he forced himself back to Miyagi. "And now you're wearing my jacket." His body tenses in terror as he waits for Kenma to speak again. _Mine._ "You're under my protection." There's a sigh as _that_ word is avoided, he glances up at Kenma, wondering why he ever looked away from intense gold in the first place.

"Yours." He confirms. Shock floods his system but he needs that validation that that word isn't evil, needs to know that he can belong to somebody that doesn't scare him. "Mine." Kenma's voice is like gravel, barely sounding Japanese, let alone human. His body trembles in a way that isn't terrible since he's arrived in Toyko, feels that he can separate the city from his best friend with that confirmation. "Can I tell you something?" He asks, feeling brave enough to smile but not while looking into Kenma's eyes. There's a grunt in that same tone and he swallows down too many unprocessed emotions. "I love you." The words turn into mumbles into Kenma's shirt, losing his spike of confidence but not the emotions that caused it.

"I love you." Repeated back, quietly and just for him. His heart stops. It feels like the first time Kenma's ever said it and he tells himself not to cry even when the itching in his eyes becomes overwhelming. Hinata is pretty sure that you're not supposed to cry when somebody says that, confesses and means it, but he can't help it. Salty beads of moisture soak into the fabric his nose is pressed into. "Sorry." He mumbles towards Kenma's heart, and the boy is belongs to makes a humming noise, something between exasperation and amusement that makes his own heart feel much lighter. "Sorry." He offers again, feeling stupid for being scared at all, the older boy would protect him because he had promised so on several occasions.

The promise is still there when Kuroo returns, he wipes tears on a jacket turned shield and allows himself to separate from his protector only for a second. He doesn't look at the Nekoma captain, not out of fear or disdain, knows that the taller boy won't be able to hurt him but he doesn't want to feel anything but the contentment that stops his chest from collapsing. Haruo returns before the moment can return to its previous tenseness, he returns the older man's smile, hoping that his apology is written across his lips and that he can savor _I love you_ for a little longer. "You know what time it is?" The dark haired man asks, with a wicked grin that Hinata can't process, he's not even sure what year it is at the moment. _I love you._ Like cement and fire where his mental calendar is, he should probably check the time and commit it to memory.

"No, teacher." The older man laughs, something threatening but not frightening in the way that he is too familiar with. All at once the channel on the TV changes and a controller is cradled in his hands, he's pretty sure that Kenma sighs six times in the half-moment it takes for everything to click into place. _Smash Bros._ He's not sure why he was expecting anything else, there's only a few things that he knows about Haruo and his love for the game is the most prominent aside from his easily bent will when squid is involved.

Haruo's warm voice fills the gaps of silence when Kenma isn't talking to him, he doesn't understand much of what the older man is saying, he's not even sure that most of the words coming out of the man's mouth are even real or related to the game, but that doesn't stop Hinata from getting lost in the call of their voices. His hands don't tremble with something to hold onto, but his head is still heavy with doubt and fear of the moment ending before he's ready. His frame tenses when they're a knock at the door and Haruo is pulled away, Kenma's arm settling on his hip is enough to keep the thoughts silent even if he knows of their presence and intention. Knows that it would asking too much to ask for complete freedom and doesn't push his luck.

Listening to Haruo's excited voice overlapping Kenma's lifts him from the bubbling sinkhole a little once he focuses on being in the moment instead of being suspended in his thoughts. The oldest man is making friends with their delivery boy and Kenma is providing him commentary on the movie he only just realizes is playing. "Food, food, food!" Haruo chirps, closer with each repetition, Hinata feels himself smiling into blood red sleeves and soaks up the smell of flowers and chicken as much as he does the attention of his protector.

Haruo scoots forward and Hinata is towered over by the happiest adult he's ever seen, "I ordered you double, Shouyou-chan, you're looking a little-" The older man hums in thought, running his knuckles across an unshaven cheek with a look of curious merriment. Hinata is pretty sure that this is the closest he'll ever see of Haruo being serious. "Upset, you're not sick, are you?" Then the older man is too close, can see individual whiskers on Haruo's cheek that distracts him from the heat on his forehead until his skin starts vibrating along with Haruo's throat. "N-What are you doing?" He squeaks out, trying to pull away but the older man's lips follow.

"Checking your temperature." Hinata blinks, stares at the older man with confusion manipulating his eyebrows. "Well?" He asks hesitantly when Haruo remains silent but watchful. "Well what?" The older man prompts, his head tilting like a confused animal. "What's my temperature?" He ignores the snort of his guardian and stares at Haruo intently as the older man studies him. "I dunno, I've never done that before." Hinata sighs, not really sure what to gather from the experience.

"I saw Aki do that whenever one of our boys was sick, thought I'd give it a go." The older man explains with a laugh, Hinata can't find it in himself to remain irritated and accepts the weirdness as it is. "Boys?" He quips, interested because he was pretty sure that Kenma had never mentioned a sibling before. Haruo nods silently, his attention distracted with the plastic bag in his hands; the dark haired man slides his leg over the side of the sofa and pulls take-out containers out of the bag. He takes the two boxes handed to him and stares at them, feeling more perplexed than is probably healthy, "You may not be sick, but you're too thin, being thinner than Kuroo-chan and Kenma cannot be good on your health." The older man explains, rubbing at his own gut proudly. The dark haired boy nods, accepting the challenge as well Haruo's version of parental concern. "You didn't have to." He mumbles around his chopsticks, Haruo laughs.

The oldest man prays quickly, practically slurring over his words and then levering food into his mouth; Hinata thinks he understands the disgusted faces that Tsukishima makes whenever the team has lunch together a little more, but doesn't dwell on having something in common with the other middle blocker for long. Kenma is staring at him, mouth half full of chicken katsu, he offers the older boy a smile and works the lid off his first container. Shouyou has never claimed to be a food critic, and has never used the word savory in a sentence before, but he will admit that this is probably the best chicken katsu he's had in at least sixteen years.

He can't finish it all, even with the stern looks that both Kenma and Haruo give him. "You still have a lot to learn." The oldest Kozume jests, Hinata hums in a particular Kenma-fashion, neither agreeing or disagreeing. "Isn't patience a virtue? I can finish it later." His voice is still quiet, barely loud enough for _him_ to hear the words but Haruo just chuckles, reaching around Kenma to pat him on the shoulder. "Well said, my wonderful student." He flushes under the praise and promptly tucks his face in equally red fabric to avoid the knowing look that he knows Kenma is giving him.

Haruo jumps up and disappears without an explanation, Hinata looks up at Kenma curiously but the older boy just rolls his eyes. "The sun! My beautiful, amazing wife, whom I love very much!" Haruo _giggles_ and offers to help Kenma's mother with her bags. Two sets of feet stomp across the floorboards and Hinata's heart sinks with nostalgia, feels a phantom key and nonexistent pills in his hands. The woman stops walking when her eyes catch his, he tries to smile but can't quite meet the critical gaze. "Hinata-kun."

"Kozume-san." He chirps back, not really sure what else to say. Her lips spread, revealing a white he can only find in Tokyo. "Welcome back." The words are short, but meaningful in a way he usually only finds in Kenma's. _I love you._ He smiles back, eyes veering to to the floor when his cheeks start to burn again. "Are you feeling alright?" Feels her too knowing eyes darting over him, "Fine." He squeaks, holstering too warm cheeks in Kenma's Nekoma jacket. She makes a soft noise, like she doesn't quite believe him.

"Haruo, isn't it past eight?" The man in question makes a noise in agreement, "...You work at eight." Haruo jumps from beside his wife, "Oh shit!" Hinata watches his teacher rush towards in the direction of the door, cursing wildly and sounding too troubled for Hinata to correct his teacher's apparent cursing problem. If anything, the scenario made him a little less stressed about his future, knowing that adults forgot about their responsibilities and appearing to have faults. He looks away from the doorway Haruo disappeared from, wondering what it even is that the older man even does for a living, but the question drops when he notices that Aki is staring at him again, _assessing_ him.

"Kuroo-kun." He flinches at the name, dread floods his entire system and burns up every feeling but fear. Cursing himself for being so negligent, he dares a glance at the other end of the couch; sure enough, Kuroo is there, looking over him and at Kenma's mother. "Kozume-san." The dark haired boy greets, with a too wide grin. "How was work?" Hinata's perplexed by the question, frightened that the monster is able to speak on friendly terms without making it sound threatening. He looks away, towards Aki who shrugs a loose shoulder, "Exhausting but rewarding, the usual." The middle blocker doesn't know a lot about psychology work, or about how exhausting it could be, but the woman had been there when he and Kenma woke up and didn't return until they were asleep. He thought that was pretty admirable, responsible contrasting heavily to Haruo's forgetfulness.

"Looks like we had quite the feast." A painted fingernail draws his eyes to mostly empty take-out boxes, he nods quietly, not scared of anything but drawing attention to himself. "I should probably get going, before my parents start to worry." Hearing about Kuroo's parents scare him, the man from the station and the sharp nailed woman that dyed his hair, he knows those people. He wonders if those people know what their son is, or if they helped create it. His body is aware of Kuroo's position in the house, like chills running over his skin as the taller boy shifts silently across the floorboards. "Thanks for having me." Watches the Nekoma captain bow to Kenma's mother, then chopper eyes are gleaming as they land on him, begging to be acknowledged.

Hinata looks away, "Later Kenma. Bye-bye Shouyou." The way his name is spoken make his spine tingle with ice, it feels like another something has been stolen from him by the dark haired boy. Kuroo is gone before he can ask for it back, into the shadows where his kind belong. He feels guilty with how easy it is to breathe without Kuroo in the same building as him, but he's not sure he could handle returning to that state of torture. "How was the train ride?" He remembers her asking that almost a lifetime ago. "I got rained on." He admits, smiling into the smell of flowers. "It's kind of dreary, isn't it?" He thinks there might be more than one question in her words, but he just shrugs. "I kind of like the rain, kind of part of coming home, I guess." _This_ _home._ He's not sure why he said that and hopes that the woman won't laugh at how falsely poetic he's being.

"I never thought about it like that." The admission is surprising, he had assumed everyone in Tokyo connected their city with rain and suits and too many cars. Aki huffs out a laugh, so similar to Kenma's it has him staring at her face as she does it. Aki smiles down at him with worn golden eyes, "Enjoy the rain then, just don't get sick." She turns away to hide a heavy yawn, "Welcome back, Shouyou." His name is foreign on her tongue, but it fills him with an awkward warmth, something new and nice. "Goodnight." She offers to both of them before disappearing behind a door. As soon as the wood collides with its frame, he turns to Kenma and all but throws himself at the older boy.

He's shaking with fear and excitement, mortification and contentment, he wishes he could just feel one thing. Kenma. Golden rings find his gaze quickly, observe him until his brain starts leaking out doubt and terror to be replaced with nothing. "I love you." He smiles into Kenma's chest, tucking himself against the older boy until he can hear that rhythm again. Kenma leads him upstairs, eases him out of borrowed shorts, but he grabs at extended fingers before they land on the zipper of the older boy's jacket. Kenma's hand is clammy against his, he smiles up at the older boy briefly before jumping onto the mattress behind them. The older boy lingers for a moment but joins him silently. Hinata slots his body against Kenma's, warm hips and expansive chest covering his back until he's convinced that they're becoming inseparable.

"Shouyou?" When Kenma's voice is right in his ear, he can make out the worry and little else. He hums in askance, feeling too warm to form words; Kenma swallows loudly from behind him and Hinata isn't sure if this will either be really awkward or really terrifying. "Can I turn off the light?" _The dark._ His shoulders tighten, like they're rejecting the cover of flesh that his guardian is providing; Hinata's face squirms into a pillow before he shakes his head, darkness let the monsters roam free. The dark got people hurt. "Okay." He's grateful for the lack of questions, more grateful when Kenma's body reasserts itself around him with ensnaring arms and steady breathing into his hair.

Kenma's heat helps him find sleep quickly, lets unconsciousness take him without drowning him in shadows. Saturday morning occurs within the blink of an eye, and his back is exposed to the cold. "Kenma?" He asks, forcing terror down before it takes away any rational thinking. The older boy turns up within a minute, with his pills and a glass of water, Hinata rolls his eyes but obeys the silent command with the condition that Kenma cuddles him while he medicates. The older boy agrees, presses his chest against against his smaller back until he can feel Kenma's heart better than his own. The pills grant him reprieve from the ever present mounting dread that accompanies him wherever his thoughts lead him, Kenma presses _Animal Crossing_ into his hands and leans back against a mound of pillows. Knowing that Kuroo's hands have touched and _fluffed_ these make him reluctant to touch them, but Kenma's arms are guiding him before he has a choice.

"Shouyou." Kenma mumbles into his hair, he hums in awareness while greeting his virtual neighbors. "You look really cute." Shouyou's heart stops, Kenma's races in his place. He sinks lower against the older boy's chest, ignoring the piercing gaze of his protector and the blush on his cheeks in favor of making friends with a virtual ape. "Are you not going to respond?" His silence extends in place of an answer, his face clear as possible until Kenma's stupid fingers dig into his stomach. "Stop it, you stupid jerk!" He squeals, choking on laughter that prevents his hatred for Kenma from turning into revenge. "I thought you loved me?" The older boy teases, with a hard dig into his stomach forcing his entire body in the opposite direction.

"I hate you!" He growls into empty hair, trying to escape the omniscient hands. Kenma relents, after another hard prod. "Shouyou." He grunts back, feigning irritation as best he can. "Look up." He glances towards the ceiling, finding nothing but blue but a soft click draws his attention. The blond boy makes a weird noise from behind him and Hinata leans back until he gets a better look at the boy's face. His view is blocked by a too big cellphone that he pushes away with little effort. "Look." Swallowing, he looks towards the bright screen Kenma's long fingers are wrapped around. A glimpse of him and Kenma, with too red cheeks and him staring up like an idiot. He laughs despite telling himself not to, "You look weird with a blush." He likes it though, not that Kenma needs to know that.

Kenma makes a noise in agreement, turning the screen back with a stretch of a long finger. "Why'd you do that?" He asks when the silence draws on for too long. The older boy's stomach bounces against his spine, "I don't like not being to see you." He can tell that Kenma is still blushing with how quiet the words are, it spreads a smile across his cheeks. "Just think, one day we get to wake up like this everyday." Thinking about the future never interested him, with only one goal in mind and no plan to achieve it, something simple like _wake up with Kenma everyday_ was a blessing and a direction he could follow. "You're going to have to eat more, if that's the case." The dark haired boy gawks, shoving his elbow into the side of Kenma's hip. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?" He asks, exaggerating how offended he is only slightly. Kenma huffs into his hair, "It's like cuddling a corpse, so thin and cold." He laughs before he can make a comeback, settles on running his corpse like hands over Kenma's warm thighs. The older boy shivers.

Hinata allows himself to be lazy once they've reached the bathtub, he climbs inside with heavy limbs and all of his thoughts pouring out his mouth. Mostly comments on Kenma's now naked body and the sensations it illicits when pressed against his own. The decision for an efficiently shared shower is made moot by an extra twenty minutes of exploring each other under sheets of steam and splashes of boiling water; Kenma's fingers explore every part of him, squeezing and stroking reactions from him with sensations he could barely remember. He returns the favor, dragging his tongue over already soaked thighs until Kenma is grasping at his hair and trembling under his grasp. He asks Kenma if his phone is waterproof while the older boy takes the lead in drying them off, his butt gets smacked as an answer and forces him out of the small room before the older boy decides to go too far.

They wind up at the piano bench after another _exploration_ in which Kenma ends up using a long string of curses that makes him question what is actual passed down through genetics. He's certain, almost an hour later, that Kenma only offered to teach him so they would _have_ to sit on the most uncomfortable sitting place in the entire house, if Kenma's predatory grin is anything to go by. Kenma runs him through the warm up exercises again, but Hinata is a little too focused on pale fingers too mimic the movements said fingers are making. Kenma rolls his eyes, then long fingers are spread out over his own and that _really_ doesn't help. "Play something for me." He requests after a long hour of perfecting his finger posture. Kenma complies and Hinata finds his attention divided between graceful movements and a somber melody that makes him relive memories that don't belong to him.

"That was sad." He comments, feeling lighter once his admission is made. The blond boy shrugs, indifferent, which forces the middle blocker to wonder if producing music affected one's ability to feel it. He hoped not, he wanted to relive that moment over and over until he understood, but Kenma was standing before he could ask to hear it a second time. Kenma leads him to the front door, but doesn't pull on his shoes just opens the door and lets cold air blast over them like a strong tide. The older boy leads him outside, under the canopy of gloomy clouds and dribbling water, barely hidden by the overhang of the porch; Hinata's steps are unsure, the abruptness of their escapade is unlike anything he's witnessed with Kenma before. Closing the door, he joins Kenma on the edge of the porch, barely out of the path of water that that slides down the roof. He sits first, stretching his bare legs onto damp concrete, raindrops tingle like needles as they collide with his skin.

Kenma follows his lead, sitting on the singular step that keeps them from sitting in a puddle, his legs stretch out until he can feel Kenma's leg hair ghosting against his skin. They sit there for an eternity, one longer than he thought possible. The moment is silent except for the sloshing of rain and dull buzz of panic that's become a permanent fixture in his head. Hinata stares at his bare toes, almost shriveled from too much moisture and wiggles them, thankful for their function.

Inevitably, his thoughts fall onto Kuroo, the man who had immortalized his shame and wouldn't let him rest without fear, the man who forced him to seek protection from someone who shouldn't have to carry his burden; he notices Kenma staring at him with a nudge to his shoulder, he blinks, then smiles at the older boy. Kenma huffs, "Why do you like this stuff?" Blond hair tilts, gesturing at the cascading water. Hinata shrugs, "Reminds me of you." He says after a moment of consideration. "Wet and grey?" The middle blocker laughs, tugging at black bangs until he can observe them instead of Kenma's curious expression. "It's more than that, it always rains when I'm here. Which means it always rains when I'm with you." He can see Kenma's lips squirm from around his hand, hides a smile with the same obstruction. "Maybe you should come every time it rains." He laughs.

"I'd never leave then?"

"That's the point."

"I wish I could."

"You can, technically."

Hinata pauses at that, he was technically without a family to call his own and had no guardians besides his captain. "I have a dream." Kenma grunts, staring down at his own toes now. "I know." Hinata considers the other boy for a long moment, staring through blond hair and even face. "What's your dream?" Then golden eyes are pinning him under a faucet of raindrops and incomprehensible emotions. "For you to stay." The Nekoma jacket settled around his body gets a little tighter with the admission. "That's not a dream." He whispers back. Kenma looks at him, then shrugs, "You're the only thing I think about enough to have dreams about." Hinata blinks at that, a shy smile spreading his lips out. "You dream about me."

Kenma's face flushes with color but he nods without looking further away, "Tell me." He begs, and the older boy nods again, still refusing to meet his eyes. "We live in a castle..." His attention picks up at _we,_ confirming that the blond boy has thought about that as well, he nods, watches as Kenma's Adam's apple convulse in his neck before he speaks again. "We're royalty, from different kingdoms, and my mother is _insisting_ that I marry you before our tails fall of." Hinata blinks. "Tails?" He squeaks indignantly, Kenma's lips quirk oddly. "We were like- cat people, I guess." He laughs at that. "Did we use litter boxes?" Kenma glares at him. "Another?" He pesters when the blond boy falls silent.

"We lived in a forest- a cave, and everyday you'd make a new friend." Kenma swallows before continuing, "All of them animals, and they'd bring you little gifts. You'd make them little hats." He laughs, promises to make little hats for all of his secret animal friends. "Another?"

"Your legs." Hinata gestures for more but the other boy is dutifully silent and blushing. "My legs." He echoes. Kenma nods, rubbing their already touching legs together enough to grab his attention. "Why?" He questions, taking a moment to scrutinize his appendages before looking back the older boy. Kenma shrugs, "Just a dream." Hinata nods slowly, he supposed that was true. "Although, what's in between them is pretty interesting." Shouyou turns pink, slams his fist into Kenma's thigh and hopes it bruises. The older boy falls quiet again, and Hinata lets him be.

Kenma refuses to take him sightseeing, no matter how many times he offers the other boy a _feel_ of his legs; he accepts his defeat, climbs onto the older boy's lap and stares intently into the cat-like orbs. "You ever have a dream like this?" The blond boy stares at him, frozen except for the fingers pressing into his hips. "No." Kenma's voice drops into a growl, and Hinata leans forward, pressing his lips against Kenma's. The afternoon is spent with Kenma petting him, mostly on his legs that are apparently more muscular in his dream.

Sunday morning fills him with regret, wishing he insisted on doing _something_ for Kenma, but the older boy just holds him while he panics about how short his visit is. Water and pills are offered to him before his breathing stops, he swallows everything and sighs loudly. He knows that complaining about it would make it worse, waste limited time before he rode back on to his dream; he wishes he'd seen Kenma on that TV screen all those years ago. Kenma insists that he takes the morning slow, that his panic attack had been pretty bad, Hinata only agrees with the condition that Kenma says _it_ while he checks on his _Animal Crossing_ town.

"I love you." An unenthusiastic mumble that has the dark haired boy craning his neck to see if Kenma had spontaneously gotten sick, he frowns at the lack of sickly pallor. "Again." He requests, accidentally picking up the wrong item in an attempt to multitask. "I love you." Lower, more guttural just like the first time. His spine tingles with chills despite Kenma's heart beating against it, he let's the older boy off the hook, replays the words over and over in his head until he could never forget them.

"Aren't you going to say it back?" Kenma muses once _Animal Crossing_ is saved and closed, Hinata turns around in Kenma's grasp, putting their faces too close. He's pretty sure they've been recycling the same breath for five minutes before he remembers that the older boy said something. "I love you." Giggles at the way Kenma's eyes widen when he does, like they affect his protector as much as they do him. Their movements are as languid as they are synchronized, they share another shower, this one with minimal fondling and more kissing. The older boy dresses him in the same Nekoma jacket and borrowed shorts, Hinata doesn't refuse, understanding that these would accompany him home and be kept in his two bags along with his picture of Natsu, precious and important.

The older boy doesn't say much, like he too wants to savor the feeling of  _I love you_ being the last words off of his tongue, Kenma doesn't offer to walk him to the station, like he knows that Hinata will refuse. Because he will, because he would never leave if Kenma, or Haruo, or Aki offered to see of his departure. At noon, Kenma decides to prepare him a bento; Hinata remains silent, sits on the floor and watches his protector dance around the kitchen, listening to the symphony that the appliances provide. He's pretty sure that it doesn't take two hours to make a meal, but he's only done it a few times and certainly never while being distracted with kisses and whispers. 

Kenma sends him off, repeats those words one more time until Hinata can feel his heart beating like it hasn't in such a long time. He calls them back, making a stupid heart with his hands for no reason other than being too happy. The blond snaps a picture of him, watches him disappear out of view, Hinata's not sure he hears the door slam until he's passing leafless trees. Being alone is odd when he feels this much joy, he wants it to last forever, or at least until he gets to Daichi's, but he knows that that was stretching it. 

"Shouyou." The calling of his name takes him by surprise, he turns around expecting barely showing roots and an emergency bento. He gets shadows, and finds it terrifyingly fitting that thunder crackles across the sky at that exact moment. "Kuroo." He half gasps, wishing that his contentment could last one more second instead of being instantly replaced with dread. "Can I walk you to the station?" He expected an order, the declaration of ownership, anything but a question. Finds himself staring at the Nekoma captain for too long that the older boy smirks at him. 

"Hello?" Too large hand on his head and he jerks away, almost slipping on the slick concrete with his unexpected action. "You're going to miss your train, come on." He's led away by tanned fingers that are too loose around his wrist to complain about, even if he wants to. "I'm really going to miss you, Kenma too." He's not sure what Kuroo is playing at but his eyes start to itch at the mention of his guardian, the weight of his jacket almost too heavy on his shoulders to continue. "But I think I get it." He's not sure what they're even talking about, too busy focusing on keeping his heart from failing him.

"Why you want to stay at Karasuno, that is." Hinata blinks, again when Kuroo turns back to look at him. "Even without a family, you still have your team; almost a dozen people you can count on for support." Hinata watches Kuroo nod to himself, he feels rage start to bubble inside of him, to tell Kuroo that he almost had one less because of what he did. He doesn't. He can't. "And you have me and Kenma, Haruo and Aki too." Kuroo stops walking, watches the older boy turn around with the sense to run. Chopper eyes pin him down before he takes his chance. "I'm going to ask you this, for all their sake's." Hinata frowns, wonders if Kuroo is about to ask him to never return to Tokyo. To  his home. 

"Break up with Oikawa." In between falling into the clutches of another panic attack and actually falling onto the sidewalk, he demands to know how the Nekoma captain got that information. "How do you know about that?" He growls at the older boy, aware that Kuroo could hurt him or throw him into the dark at any moment. The taller boy frowns, offers him a hand he doesn't take. "Doesn't matter. You belong to us and your team. Please stay away from him." Hinata flinches at  _please,_ stunned to process that Kuroo can even  _use_ that word. "Why should I?" He wants to, wants to run from Grand King almost as much as he wants to run from Kuroo. 

"I can't." He really, really can't. Grand King could see through all of his weaknesses, knew where his family was and who was precious to him. Kuroo leans forward, looming darkness that makes his head screech, a too big hand grabs onto his wrist again. Gentle in a way that Kuroo could not be, "I know that he gives you what you want." He can't quite place Kuroo's tone, or the cryptic words but he's too busy trying to tug his hand out of soft, spiteful fingers. "But me and Kenma can give you more, anything you need." He doesn't need  _anything_ from Kuroo, and he really wished the older boy would just  _stop_ pretending he could. "It probably really hurts Kenma, seeing you in his jacket but questioning if you really belong to him." Kuroo's tone is sad, but there's half a smile dancing across his tanned cheeks. Hinata wants to be sick, using him was one thing but using Kenma to manipulate him was too far. 

"He's too strong." He doesn't expect Kuroo to understand, the guy practically  _flayed_ his teammate without anyone knowing about it. "I can help you." Hinata stops walking. "How?" He demands, quietly and suppressing anything but the rage that has his blood rushing in his ears. "I'll stop him from hurting you." His laugh is only answered with a glare, but he shrugs, waiting for the cackling to die down before he speaks again. "It's not me I'm worried about." Kuroo frowns, and nods, tugging at his hand again. He follows. 

Nippori station surprises him, he expected to be whisked off into a dark alley, never to return. A glance up at Kuroo earns him a smile that he tries his hardest to hate.  _Help._ Snorts at the prospect. "He might come after Kenma if..." He trails off, knowing that Grand King could come after Kenma for any number of reasons, including the jacket across his shoulders. Kuroo's grip tightens on his wrist, he winces but continues to follow the older boy's lead without cause. "Isn't it more fun to have enemies you can't seem to beat?" There's teasing in the older boy's tone and he doesn't know  _why._ "But Oikawa shouldn't be a problem, not with my entire team kicking his face in." Kuroo laughs. Hinata feels his teeth throb. 

They're at the ticket counter before he can tug his hand away, a moment later an unusual paper is pressed into his hand.  _Sucker._ He should thank Kuroo, for this favor is nothing else, but he knows that it is not free.  _You belong to us._ His gratitude will be pulled from later, along with his ability to breathe. "Just avoid him until we have a plan."  _We._  "Don't bring Kenma into this." He doesn't care about plans, his protector doesn't need to be involved in any schemes with an almost murderer. The Nekoma captain nods, and they stop walking right in front of where the train doors will stop. A tanned hand is extended to him, the same one that pinned him against the door, the same one that forced him onto his knees and into the dark. 

He accepts it. 

_For Kenma._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already have a sequel planned. I'm gonna make all you fuckers CRY.


	35. Chapter Thirty-Five

**Chapter Thirty-Five**

Hinata was finally able to find a word that he could describe himself with, the title was too tight around his throat and prevented him from confirming it out loud. He figured that knowing what he was would sate him for the time being, even when the scars across his arms started to itch and he couldn't resist the temptation. Rolling the sleeves up on his shield granted him access to the vulnerable flesh, and his fingernails did the rest; he was meticulously cautious not to get any of his venom onto the red fabric, tugged the too wide sleeves up to his elbows with a sigh of overwhelming relief.

He was a coward, quite literally scared of his own shadow, and more so of two captains of teams he did not belong to. Above all, he was frightened of the aftermath of his next decisions, horrified but accepting of the ones he's already made. Saying _yes_ to Grand King, letting himself be strung along until he's not sure where his story even started before the setter came into his life. He remembers his sister, but those memories are faded with too much time passing in a single night, she had admired the captain of Aoba Johsai, promised that she would defeat him and follow in Shouyou's footsteps. Only recently did he realize how foolish that was, how naive it was to think that the title of _Grand King_ could be topped by a _possession._

Coward was a good fit for him, he had nobody to ask for a second opinion. His protector, the person who he doesn't have to be strong with, was home and far too close to someone else. His _deal_ with Kuroo was made out of fear, fear of the end and fear of the things that the Nekoma captain was capable of; Hinata's aware that despite everything, he ended up with the long end of the stick. Kuroo could have done worse to him, taken away his guardian, stripped him of the crimson shield draped across his shoulders. Kuroo could have ruined him through Kenma, but he didn't. Had offered a deal, a way out and _friendship._ All of those things made his stomach twist painfully.

Kuroo's hand had burnt a phantom sensation over his, evidence of his betrayal along with glossy paper in his hand and the subtle vibrations of his cell phone. The man's _change_ had taken him by surprise, forced him into silence and submission he only knew came with pain and the inability to breathe. Kuroo had offered him a hand, reached into the abyss to pull him out, and he had taken it. The drawbacks are unknown to him. _Stay away from Oikawa._ Grand King would make sure that he could never escape if he knew the truth, would break him down, keep the promise of that diamond studded collar and a new home. He wonders if anyone else had seen this side of Grand King, the dominating, all-consuming fire that threatened the existence of all around him. Hinata thought at one point that Grand King was the sun, but he had been wrong, the other male was a wildfire with no purpose but to hurt and destroy. Not that Hinata, himself, is any better.

The faces of the people he's hurt flash across his retinas, everyone he's ever known has been burned by him. His family, the real one, pushed away with his _disability._ Abandoned because he wasn't normal, and could never be that. Natsu's face lingered the longest, but was also the blurriest for reasons he can't comprehend. His sister, brave and wise in ways he wasn't despite his head start in life, had expected everything of him. Looked up to him for no reason other the fact that he was _there._ He shouldn't have been there, didn't deserve to be there, and Natsu didn't deserve to have him poisoning her. His memories of orange hair are tinged with bitterness, flashes and sensations he shouldn't have because he wasn't her brother. Shouyou could accept that, could drop his family name along with all it's pretenses, he could be nobody like he was meant to be. He wishes he could be like Kenma, wishes he could have his _alone but not lonely_ way of life. Wishes he had done something to deserve it.

His team passed in blur along with the shifting view through the window, he relived pains his body had forgotten about, relived a moment that he hadn't witnessed. Lines of an unknown language seared into his stomach, he hissed from the pain he knew should be fake. _Mine._ He traced over his unsettled stomach, wishing it wasn't the only word he could spell in Romanji. His seniors, as infallible and tall as they are, were people at the end of the day. Made of the same material as he was, soft and easily broken. Suga-san's _mutilation_ was something that he could only feel repentance for, but never forgiveness; Shouyou considered the situation as a whole, a strand of barbed memories from the dark with flashes of red, decided that he didn't even deserve to feel remorse. Everything that he had done had been _wrong,_ and he deserves to suffer because he couldn't even bring himself to confess that he knew who had hurt the silver haired boy.

Miyagi pulled into view before he could contemplate his most quintessential wrongdoing, knew that if he sought from golden eyes that they would morph into anguish and eventually hatred when his protector had realized the extent of his disgraces. Shouyou knew that the jacket spread across his back would turn as cold and heavy as iron if Kenma knew the truth. The train lurched to a stop and he forced his soliciting for forgiveness to imitate the behavior.

Caught between two roads, Shouyou couldn't bring himself to walk down either one. One lead to memories that didn't belong to him, that Hinata Shouyou had orange hair and was revered as the _sun._ The other was where the sun had fallen to, far into the distance and on the edge of the horizon. His captain would welcome him _home,_ because the dark haired man did not know that he was guilty. Did not know that his inky hair had created a monster.

Shouyou, true to his nature as a complete mess, creates a new path that is neither worse or better than the first two. His listless pondering has his vision skimming across a forest where his innocence had been stolen, remembers the smell of dry leaves and moss all too well, can see brown curls glowing amber, his first kiss was something he considered to be his first mistake. Ice drifted across his skin in the shape of hands he knew too well, Shouyou forced himself to walk faster until his destination was standing before him.

The building was familiar, he had seen it from almost every angle at least one hundred times, and allowed himself the crippling gratification of walking through the glass doors. Smoke billows into his sense, dulling them in a way he never knew he could crave. The walk to the counter is a daze, the weight of his possessions is suddenly heavy when a pair of baleful eyes settle on his skin. "Brat." The man greets, tugging on locks that had long since stopped being sunshine. "Coach." Says it like a prayer, because Ukai was someone who he hadn't hurt, hadn't been close to enough to burn.

"You should be at home." The man's words are wise, but his home is four hours away and safe because of that fact. "I don't have a home." They both flinch at the words and regret makes his tongue heavy. "What do you want?" He's not even sure why he brought himself in here, with no money and little sense of purpose. The middle blocker shrugs, "Meat buns!" Offers a smile to make up for his outburst, Ukai just stares at him with narrowed eyes. "You have a bento in your hands." Shouyou looks down at his hands, ignoring the one that burns whenever he looks at it

"I'll trade ya."

Ukai sighs, he watches the older man's nostrils flare in irritation, "Why are you here?" The younger boy shrugs and he's pretty sure he can hear curses in his coach's next sigh. "Listen," Dark eyes are on him again, wide and the older man's face contorts into an almost desperation. "I know things have been rough." Shouyuo frowns at that, noticing that the older man's bluntness isn't endearing like Kenma's would be. "But- I think the best thing for you to do is stay with Daichi, study hard and then ask for forgiveness." He blinks, Ukai rolls a cigarette around in his lips. _He doesn't know._ The relief is terrifying in its abruptness, the knowledge that Ukai, his coach, doesn't _know._ Doesn't know what he is, isn't aware that he is a possession and that two people are fighting over his ownership, that there's nobody in the entire world that knows _everything_ about this situation. Shouyou laughs, hard and loud, and for a long instance he allows himself a way out of _everything._

His body shakes too hard and he has to use the counter as a support because _Ukai doesn't know,_ it's almost too much pressure to be in the store at that moment, but Shouyou just continues laughing with the knowledge that Ukai would never acknowledge him as a slut or a whore or _mine._ The middle blocker ends up wiping tears onto Kenma's jacket, look up at the person that _doesn't know_ through blurry eyes and finds himself smiling easily, his lips twitch under the older man's scrutiny and he wipes more of the wetness from his eyes.

"Hinata-"

"Don't call me that." He hisses, feeling too venomous too quickly. The older man's eyes go wide for a second but Shouyou looks away the second his coach nods; knows that Ukai would brush off his apology but offers one anyway. "Whatever." The blond huffs, sending a cloud of smoke towards the ceiling. "What's in it?" Ukai isn't looking at him, doesn't even glance in his direction as he sets the bento down next to an overflowing ashtray. "Chicken katsu." The words are too warm coming from his mouth, and Ukai gives him a considering look.

"Wait!" A voice calls, Shouyou's neck cracks with how fast he turns towards the disembodied interjection. "What- S-Sato?" Promises of ice cream and wings, Natsu being stolen from him. He stares the familiar face, takes in wide grey-blue eyes and her open lips. Her teeth click shut for a moment, Shouyou watches teeth dig into flesh for a second and tenses with her next word. "Shouyou." Whispered, like she's not sure what he's seeing is real. He stares, feeling his face twisting against the indifferent expression he's maintaining. "Sato." He confirms, attempting to turn back to the counter for the meat buns he wish he didn't crave.

"I'll pay for him." There's a chill on his shoulder that forces him to flinch away, he glances up at his old caretaker who is too close now, her dark hair obscuring his view of her face. Shouyou sighs and Ukai echoes it before standing, stubbing his cigarette in the already full tray. "How many?" Ukai prompts. Sato's eyes, too similar to Natsu's, land on him. "Two." He provides, "Four." Sato counters. He rolls his eyes and pushes himself off the counter, not entirely sure if this situation is actually happening. Shouyou digs a finger into a drying scar.

It hurts.

Ukai hands Sato a bag, a suspicious expression dulled into narrowed eyebrows and a frown, the blond man gives him a look that he avoids and waits half a second after Sato places a bill on the counter before leaving. His footsteps echo in a way that has him checking the sky for the sun, catches the too bright orb hovering over moss covered trees and glowing so orange that it hurts his eyes as much as his heart. "Here." A white paper bag is pressed into his hands. Taking it, he contemplates just running away, to Daichi or finding a place to hide for the incoming darkness.

"Can we talk?"

He almost says _no._ Really, really wants to say no, or say nothing at all and leave the tall woman standing there. Shouyou nods, smelling flowers and grease, he doesn't let himself smile because he knows that it would be stolen with a flash like everything else. He knows that cowardice made his decision for him, knows he's going to hate everything he hears, but he's not strong enough to silence her before she starts speaking. "I- I mean your-" She grunts in frustration, Shouyou watches her shoulders spread as she takes a deep breath. "Yuukio, he-" He flinches, feels his spine ready to snap in an attempt to escape the name before she says it again.

Sato's inability to form sentences is new to him, but he knows that she took his father's death harder than anyone. He remember resenting her for _crying_ after the funeral, remembers telling her that nothing would bring him back, that it was stupid to cry. She slapped him, but the tears had stopped as soon as she did. It was one of the few things that didn't make him hate himself when it came to his relationship with Sato.

"Yuukio and I-" He tries to piece her unfinished words together but comes up blank, his dad had been nice to everyone _except_ Sato. "He was my brother." Shouyou's heart stops along with the rage that makes his fingers itch. "What?" He asks, sounding less disbelieving than he was feeling. Sato repeats _those_ words again, uses his name like it wasn't forbidden. "He hated you." The words are out of his mouth after the third rephrasing of her disclosure. Sato laughs, "It certainly felt like it." Said like she didn't _remember_ all the times he had yelled at her.

"Why are you telling me?" He murmurs, wants to scream the words but _Yuukio_ is blocking his airway. Sato laughs again, he cringes at the sound. Shouyou watches her walk away, towards the bench where Kageyama had discovered him with Grand King but didn't find out. Her slight build looks weird on the bench compared to the image of Grand King that is seared into his eyes, his hands start shaking when she waves him over but he joins her. Shouyou sits with his _aunt_ on the bench, her long fingers wrap around his trembling hand and he freezes until she pulls back along with the bag of meat buns. It crinkles as she opens it, the middle blocker watches her face twist in scrutiny but she reaches inside and deposits the contents into her hand.

Steaming meat buns are offered to him by a person he thought he would never see again, his stomach churns in fear but his hands extend and his hands are warm for the first time since Nippori station. "I was worried when you didn't come home, I thought-" She sniffs, he can tell that it isn't because of the meat buns but that's it. He refuses to look at her directly, terrified that she would drag him back and worried that she wouldn't. "I thought it happened again." Her laugh is bitter. _Again._ It never occurred to him that someone else might feel guilty about _his_ death, Sato always looked _sad_ but never guilty, never repenting.

"Natsu cried." Shouyou suddenly feels like doing the same, tries to push away looping sounds of Natsu _sobbing_ but they follow him until his ears start ringing. "I was- I guess that doesn't matter. I haven't been a very good aunt." He thinks about the rice, about the lies and the glaring. Skipping meals and staying out until the last moment he had to come home; thinks about Natsu laughing and hugging someone that wasn't him. "I- You were... not bad." He offers, not able to say that she was _good_ because he can only think about avoiding her, and effectively Natsu, because of the things that she had done.

"You lied to me." He can see her too black hair jerk at his words, there's satisfaction as well as guilt that floods his system. "But." Grey-blue eyes on him, the same as Natsu's, "You protected her." _When I couldn't._ He never could, he couldn't even save himself, not even with the help of his protector he was still too weak. "Does she know?" Sato laughs, grey-blue glistens in orange light as she does, like too hot fire that has him leaning away. "Your mother _forbade_ me from telling her children, said that _I_ would end up... next to him." He thinks that the wording is intention, it distracts him from her pleading tone long enough for him to think of something to say.

"Do you want to die?" A curtain of black cuts off his view from her face, but it's shaking with a non-existent breeze. "I did." _Did._ Shouyou isn't sure what to make of that. "What changed?" He needs to know, needs to know that there's an _end_ to this feeling that doesn't result in nothingness. "Natsu... and you, sometimes." He laughs this time, something broken and awkward that he's never heard from himself before. "I hated you." He still thinks he does, her hair nods. "Even as a kid, especially when I tried to get you inside." He remembers, lets the moment fall quiet as he picks at lukewarm meat buns.

"Are you safe?" He's shocked at the question, and isn't sure what kind of answer he should give to his _aunt._ His admission that he's fallen in love with someone who protects him, that he's trapped between two monsters that want to posses him, that he found a temporary home with his captain and then gotten someone hurt _again_ because of his weakness. Shouyou shrugs, she snorts a clogged nose. "Will you stay with me?" He tries to run but his knees are too weak to carry him more than a step before he's falling at her feet.

"I'm not going back!" It's louder than he's spoken in a long time, he throws _Yuukio_ out with his declaration. Sato raises her hands, defensive despite her position over him, "That's not my house... not anymore." He flinches back. "You lived there before?" _Before us._ She nods, "It was the _Hinata_ family home, three generations ago from Wales." He blinks. "Wales?" Sato laughs but not out of humor, "I can't believe _she_ didn't tell you." Shouyou frowns at the contempt in her tone, her _aunt_ sighs, nods to herself. "It's in Europe. West." He nods, but can't _process_ the information.

"Have you been there?" He asks instead of has _he_ been there, watches as Sato nods then chews on her lip. "Yuukio and I went back..." They both flinch at the name, and the urge to run return but _Yuukio_ is holding him there, keeping him in Japan, in Miyagi with his _sister._ "We wanted to see if there were any of us left." She trails off and looks away, but it's not conclusive enough, needs to know if there are more _Hinatas_ out there for him to be thrown away from. "Are there?"

Sato shakes her head, a tear rolls down the crease of her nose as she does, Shouyou feels relief and sympathy. Wants to comfort his _tormentor,_ his caretaker, his aunt, but can't. "All of them dead. Murdered." He jerks at the word, wonders if it's _fate_ that he was this close to joining them, completing the cycle of death. He'd break it, swears that much in an instant because even if he wasn't, Natsu was a _Hinata._ "How is she?" Sato wipes away wetness on a dark sleeve, "Natsu?" She questions once her eyes land back on him, he nods.

"She drinks all the milk." He laughs despite himself, wants to beg for an actual answer but fears that she won't give them to him. "Natsu... Wants to get strong, get big so she can find you." Shouyou hides his face in burning hands and wipes away disgust before it can slide down his face. "Natsu misses you a lot, but her mother refuses to talk about you at all." He laughs, imagines Natsu with milk in both hands, screaming for information.

"Shouyou?" Her voice is soft and scared, echoing the way he's been feeling since he decided to go to high school. "Yeah?" Never remembers a moment in his entire life that he's spoken to Sato and not hated her. "Stay with me." He scoots back half a step as she says it again. "Why?" He asks instead of declining like he knows he should. "Your ribs are practically showing and your arms are covered in blood..." Shouyou tugs on his sleeves, hiding the shame along with too many scars. Sato chews on her lip again, "I need to know that you're okay."

"I'm okay." He lies, feels sick for doing so. Her eyes peer into his like she sees him as a person instead of a possession, he hates it instantly. "Please." She chokes out and he looks away, ignoring the feeling of his heart being ripped out. "I can't go back there." He repeats, a whisper with the only words that matter.

"I live in an apartment half an hour from here." He freezes at the information, Shouyou had always _thought-_ he never knew that Sato didn't live there. In their- her family home. "Okay." He concedes, hates himself for giving in so easily like he always does. Sato stands, so he does too, and finds comfort in the fact that her legs are shaking just as bad as his are; his caretaker, his _aunt_ walks along paths of burnt orange and he follows in her footsteps. Sato's car, he notices, is as black as everything she owns. Another comfort he doesn't want to depend on, but finds himself clipping in his seat belt before the urge to _run_ makes his legs tingle.

"You don't look like me." He tersely mentions after a long silence filled with him staring at his _aunt._ She grunts, eyes focused on the road, "Guess you got the short end of the stick, huh?" He freezes at her words, the irritation at her words snubbed out by her tone, a lifetime of resentment and keeping him in the dark, and Sato is _teasing_ him. He wants to ask, he wants to know. Understand. "What was he like?" He watches her shoulders tense through dark bangs, he doesn't regret asking, even if the guilt in his stomach tells him to. "Kind. He is-was kind." It hurts all over knowing that Sato has to remind herself still that her brother is gone.

"And tall." He bristles at her tone, _joking_ about a man he doesn't remember. "I wonder if Natsu will get that tall." He frowns, "I'm only sixteen, I'm still growing." She glances at him for half a second before looking back at the road, he sees her smile and it doesn't irritate him as much as he thinks it should. "When was the last time you even grew a centimeter?" He stares out the window, stares out at endless green that remind him of Daichi. He ponders telling his captain that he'll no longer be screamed awake, that he won't have to share a bed and keep the lights on through the night. His phone is a heavy weight in his hand, but remains just that, he's still unsure of Sato's hospitality, even if they are _blood_. Not family.

Sato's car pulls to a stop after a sharp turn, Shouyou leans forward, stares at an unassuming apartment building that doesn't look like a torture chamber. He almost comments that the building is not black, but finds himself unable to speak when he steps out of the car. Sato leads him past numerous doors, only made individual by a brass number attached to them; they head up a set of stairs that gives him a reminder that the sun is setting too soon and he begs the light to last long enough for them to get inside.

Sato stops at the last door, the cement wall beside them gives Shouyou a sense of foreboding that makes his hands shake shamefully. His _aunt_ shoves a key into the door and the barrier is open, he follows on her heel to escape the spreading shadows and sighs loudly once it's closed. "Shouyou?" He allows his eyes to open and flinches to see _Natsu's_ eyes staring into his, "Sorry." Sato nods, looking like she wants to say something but Shouyou knows that she won't.

Taking off his shoes gives him something to do besides stare into Sato's apartment, but that task is done too quickly and he's left with nothing but his crimson shield and a bag of memories. "Sorry about the mess." She commends lamely, he steps onto wooden floors and takes in his _aunt's_ apartment with curious eyes. Pictures take up any place that would be empty, Shouyou can't bring himself to look at any of them. Not out of respect for her privacy, which he will use as his excuse, but because there's something inside of him that tells him he'll be racing through memories that don't belong to him. Look at faces that he can't recognize and it will break him.

The reminder that his father had, at one point, existed is enough to fill his blood with enough nostalgia to make him nauseous, he's never hated someone so much in his entire life. Not Sato, her actions forgivable with time and an explanation, she was the one who led him to his protector. The blood red fabric seemed to radiate heat when he thought of Kenma in this place, even when there was nothing in here that reminded him of the other boy. "Come in, you're making me nervous." Sato says flatly. Shouyou tugs at inky bangs, wishing not for the first time that he dreams were in Tokyo instead of Miyagi, then takes another step forward.

It was too much, too many eyes that he can see clearly with that additional step. All of them the the grey-blue that makes his heart constrict in phantom pain, "Shouyou?" He hears, knowing that the voice belongs to someone he's related to makes it worse. His skin erupts when another pair of _those_ eyes lands on his skin, Shouyou feels every cell in his body _burning_ with silent reckoning.

Darkness pulls him from nothingness and all he sees is chopper eyes where there shouldn't be anything, his throat burns with screams that won't come out. Empty memories of his father creates a cage that's as blurry as that night is, glowing orange that burns like the sun in a gloaming that won't end, dark blue that spans for an eternity won't end. Shouyou cries out, begging for reprieve and his protector, begging for anything but _orange._

"Shouyou!" The orange shatters into dust and he's allowed run away from it before it can follow. "Sato." He croaks, wishing he could call on someone else but he's thankful for the escape that the woman has provided for him. "Sorry." He offers, knowing that his screams must have existed in the world that isn't only shadows. "Are you okay?" He flinches at the words, wants to take them away from her because they didn't belong to her. Nodding, he takes in his surroundings to avoid looking at Sato; he thought it would be a bad idea, that he might break down again by forcing himself to stare into his father's unseeing eyes.

All the pictures are gone along with their frames, if Shouyou hadn't just screamed about that face he would have questioned their existence. "Sorry." Sato echoes, she lets out a big sigh that tells the middle blocker that he must have scared her to some extent. "I didn't think seeing them would..." She trails off and he is grateful for the silence, wishing that the burning remnants would be erased from his mind. "Was that him?" His entire arm is shaking when he points to a white patch of wall where too much orange was screaming at him. "Yeah... My Yuukio." Sato looks close to crying and Shouyou feels bad for his reaction, for forcing her to hide her keepsakes.

"Sorry." Sato's shoulders shrug, he knows that she's hurting when her entire body starts to tremble. He wants to hug her, wants to comfort someone with the same blood as him, but his arms are trapped where they are at the thought of touching another person. Shouyou wants to say something, comfort the woman that took him and told him about Yuukio, wants to apologize for throwing it back in her face, but all that comes out his mouth are apologizes he doesn't mean. Sato nods, tugs her black hair out of her face as she stands, the woman offers him a smile that his him jerking back.

"Breakfast?" Shouyou stares at his relative, wondering if his escape from _Yuukio_ had actually taken all night. He nods and she steps out of view, Shouyou lets his eyes close and listens to the sizzling that brings him back to Tokyo. He knows that he shouldn't draw upon the memory to calm his racing pulse, but it's the only thing that will work until he can see his protector again. A set of deep breaths help draw him into the moment, sees Kenma dancing around the kitchen, he has to stretch his imagination to pull Kenma's face into a big smile but the image doesn't bring the warmth he desires and lets stoic lips take over again.

His bag is by the door when he looks for it, drags pills and his phone out of it before dropping it back onto the ground. In a moment of weakness, he dials his protector and waits through each ring with a throbbing in his heart. "Shouyou?" Kenma sounds tired and he regrets calling, wishes he didn't have to beg for strength over the phone. "Sorry." He mumbles, pressing the trembling plastic to his ear until he can hear the older boy breathing.

"Are you okay?" A smile tugs at his lips, like the one he tried to imagine the other boy with, at the words and he nods to nobody. "I miss you." He whispers, knowing that if he said anything too loudly that Sato would come looking, would ask questions and he needed to focus on Kenma. The other boy hums quietly, "Nightmare?" The other boy asks, sounding more alert now and Shouyou supposes that he is. "I'm not sure." He admits, climbing back onto an empty couch. "What do you mean?" He pouts, wishing that Kenma didn't have to sound worried, he knows he's not offering a lot of information. "I think I passed out."

Kenma huffs a breath into his ear, Shouyou can almost feel it. "Do you know why?" Only for a second, he wishes that Kenma would shut up but also keep talking. "I saw someone." He offers, knowing that the blond would ask but he wants to put off saying it, if only for a second. "Oikawa?" Kenma questions and Shouyou chokes on an intake of air. "No." Says it three more times, just to be certain. Kenma apologizes softly, and he returns it because it had been his fault.

"I saw my dad." There's something he can't recognize in his voice that isn't as sad and upset as he knows he should be. "Oh?" And Shouyou remembers that he's never mentioned his dad before to his protector, never thought to mention that there was an gap in his existence that nobody could fill. "A picture." Kenma remains silent, except for his breathing, he thinks he could fall asleep to that noise. "I was scared."

"Why?" Shouyou laughs, knowing that his answer will be as stupid as it is embarrassing. "He has Natsu's eyes." He supposed, technically, Natsu had his eyes, but they only belonged to Natsu because Yuukio was gone. "I think I feel a little better now." He's not sure why confirming Yuukio's death brought him a sliver of contentment, but didn't question it. "Are you sure?" He hums in return. "Sorry for bothering you." Kenma laughs into a yawn, "You don't bother me often." He snorts back, glad that Kenma would tell him the truth no matter what.

"Kenma?" His call is met with only the sound of Kenma's breathing, Shouyou smiles into the phone. "I love you." He whispers, knowing that Kenma won't respond he closes his phone; he thinks about the blond boy and the smile on his face lasts a little longer than it should. He ponders everything about them being together, thinks about armor that never ends and knowing that any panic attack or nightmare that he may encounter can be resolved just by talking to him.

Sato returns with a bowl of rice and a glass of water, the sight terrifies him as much as it makes him feel normal, the caretaker had been in charge of his meals for as long as he could remember. He rattled nonthreatening orange in his hand as she approached, Sato stopped walking, stared at the pills in his hand with a deep frown. "Do they help?" The question takes him by surprise but he shrugs quickly, "I still... get scared, but I think so?" She nods, offers him the bowl and glass. He knows it's stupid to be scared of the meal, knows that he'll be able to swallow it without his throat burning, but there's still a cloud of trepidation that makes his chopsticks tremble.

"Are you okay?" He nods around a mouthful of rice, finding it bland but refreshing in a way, like his past no longer hurts as much because of this one act of kindness. "Here's this." Gleaming silver is dangled in front of him with a too familiar key chain, a cartoon dog on a pink background. He reaches for it, disappointed only for a second in it's coldness. "I don't come here often, once a week to get some things." He nods, unsure of why he's being told this. "Don't bring anyone here..." It sounds more like a plea than a rule, Shouyou nods again, fixates on the key in his hand. "You have my number, right?" He smiles, "I do not." Knows that she's given it to him at least six times but was too scared that she was going to murder him through the device. Sato's eyes roll, he watches the grey-blue shifting with interest before handing her his phone. He forces memories and medication down his throat with a sip of water, hopes that she'll leave before his thoughts pour out of his mouth.

"I've never had a guest before." She mumbles into his phone, he thinks that the words might not be for him. "Do you need like, food or something? Training pad, maybe?" He snorts, feels almost light knowing that at one point he would yell at her for joking about that stuff. "I'll be fine, kitchen is that way?" He points to the hallway she emerged from, her black hair bobs slightly but she starts chewing on her lip, he wonders if it's a habit he's never noticed before.

"My bedroom is on the left but... All of the pictures are in there." The middle blocker refuses to react with more than a nod, "Bathroom is all the way down, kitchen on the right." He nods again, puts more rice in his mouth to avoid commenting on her nervous expression. "The neighbors are pretty quiet." She nods to herself, then offers him his phone back. Shouyou places it on the couch beside him, wondering if Kenma would be bothered if he called twice in the same hour. "I have to go." He offers her a slight bow from his sitting position, and as best a smile as he can manage.

The slamming door fills him with a dull sense of panic, realizing that he'll be living practically alone makes him rethink the decision entirely, there would be nobody to help him through _anything_ once he was in this space. "Alone." He mumbles into the emptiness.

After finish the rice, he decides to _explore_ where he'll be living. Alone. The kitchen is one counter that wraps around the wall, a small table is pushed into the empty corner of the room with a single chair. He deposits his glass and bowl into the sink and exits the small room quickly; he's not sure how Sato could stand this place, having one of everything and nobody to share it with. Ignoring the only door on the left, Shouyou steps into Sato's bathroom, bare like the kitchen with only a tub, sink and toilet.

Showering is awkward for a long moment, with only hot water splashing down on his hair and expecting hands to begin wiping sweat from his body only to find that he'll be cleaning his own body for the time being. Sato's shampoo smells like one flower instead of a garden of them, the scent is overpowering and he wonders why anyone would want to smell like _just_ roses. Finding no towel in the bathroom is irritating until he realizes that he's _alone_ and proceeds to walk out of the door with little fear of being discovered.

The experience is liberating but leaves an unusual feeling in his stomach, like he's being _watched_ even when he knows that for once he's completely alone. Letting the air and gravity dry him is an irritating process, he briefly contemplates using the last of Sato's paper towels to finish the job, but decides against it. He would probably be the one that had to replace them. Eventually, he's dry enough to pull on the uniform he's borrowed from Daichi, which leaves him staring at Kenma's Nekoma jacket for a long while before he decides to leave it where it will be safe, being a locked door. Where he now lives. Alone. 

He walks out of Sato's apartment an hour before practice would start and awkwardly locks the door behind him, another first for him. He stares at the key chain, while he walks towards the stairs, trying to force thoughts of Natsu from his brain while looking at a gift from the only orange haired Hinata. The thought it sad, but also special, knowing that Natsu will be accepted in a way that he couldn't be. 

There's a smile on his face, even when he gets knocked on his ass by who can only be his neighbor. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who the neighbor is. Do it. Guess. You won't.


	36. Chapter Thirty-Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's probably not Oikawa.

** Chapter Thirty-Six **

There was once a time when darkness didn't make his entire body tremble like his blood was pumping too quickly, there were times when his legs didn't feel the urge to throw his body from any shadow, and there were times when the moon was just a rock and not the name of a stuck up middle blocker, but those times had ended in months that felt like centuries. Shouyou recalls the exact moment it had happened, years of planning before he had fallen into his dream turned nightmare. Pulling on a cloak of gleaming ebony and becoming a crow. He's certain that at one point in his life there had been a difference between the dark and black.

He thinks the dark might have come first, but that could easily be the pain in his ass talking.

"Hinata." His supposed neighbor greets, sounding more shocked than apologetic, although Shouyou supposes that _he_ ran into them. All at once, Shouyou feels like he's apologized enough for an entire lifetime, easily enough for an entire day. "Sorry." He says anyway, for something to say rather than meaning it, even if he does. "Hinata." The voice greets again, confirming but still shocked. Shouyou pulls himself to his feet before he has another thing to apologize for, "Don't call me that." It comes out harder than he thought it would, like spitting acid and kicking rocks right into shining lenses. "Please." He offers softly.

Lenses tilt from above him, he watches them slide down a slender nose only for a second before they're being pushed up. "I thought Sato-san lived there?" A pale finger gestures to the apartment where he had emerged from. Alone. Too many unprocessed feelings sweep through him like a gust of agony, that feeling of pumping blood returns without the dark and finds escape through his mouth. "She does. She's letting letting me stay with her- well um, not with her, but in her place, I guess."

Bright eyes blink behind brighter lenses, a nod has the glasses sliding again. "Are you walking to school?" Asked hesitantly and he feels terrible about snapping all over again, he watches a shoulder shift the cloak he's chased after for years, a school bag being transferred from one shoulder to the other. "Yes." It comes to him rather abruptly that he actually has no idea where Karasuno is and is extremely grateful as he is irritated to be found _here._ "Would you walk with me?" Not what he was expecting, but he finds himself nodding before he can question it.

They fall into sync, sharing the stairs in silence until they're walking down a road he's never experience before. "Hinata?" Soft again and Shouyou finds the tone the only thing keeping him from snapping again, "Please don't call me that." Stressing the formal speech as much as he does the topic of not belonging to that family. "What should I call you then?" The tone is flat, but he thinks there might be teasing in the question. "Just Shouyou." He watches the glasses sink down again and allows his _neighbor_ to lead. He's never used the word before, not without the pretext of them never existing. _Neighbor,_ tests the word out to make sure he'll be able to say it out loud when more questions come along.

"Shouyou." Tests out the word out loud in a way he can't bring himself to. He nods, offers a smile that grates on the muscles and then follows the lead of his neighbor until they stop at a bus stop, another first. He wonders if it'll be sticky like the train to Tokyo, or have the odor of a school bus. The mechanical monster stops in front of him before he can dwell on the nightmare of it being both sticky and smelly, his _neighbor_ steps onto before him, swipes a card he's never had to use before continuing on their path; Shouyou pauses, stares at the card swipe with a way expression, before his companion returns with a silent aura and swipes again. "Sorry." He offers, wishing he had just walked off and got lost instead of now being indebted.

They sit together, he's forced to hide himself in inky bangs when the feeling of being watched starts to squeeze at his throat. "Shouyou." Harder this time, as if swiping a card confirmed his identity. "Kiyoko-senpai." He offers in return, glancing to his left even though he knows the lenses will still be there. "How long have you been living with Miss Sato?" The middle blocker almost snorts at the title, if only because hasn't heard it anywhere but in his head for months. "Just the night." He thinks there might be something to gather from his reply, and he almost admits to the woman about his connection with Sato. "Was it you screaming last night, then?" Shouyou finally gets a look into her eyes, more blue than he remembers. "Yes." He mumbles, unsure of the reply he's going to receive.

"Must have been a _wild_ night." Something about her words makes his cheeks flush and his reply is spluttered out before he can hide them, "I-It wasn't like that!" Wishes his voice would stop squeaking at some point in his life. A vivid blue eye winks at him, a fox grin he's never seen on her face makes this person seem like someone else. "Could have fooled me." Her tone is considering, like she doesn't quite believe him. "It wasn't!" He insists indignantly.

"Why then?"

"Because I saw _him_!" The words are out of his mouth at the same time he realizes that he's been tricked, wonders when the manager had learned _that._ Kiyoko's eyes flash with something too quickly for him to memorize it, then she nods. "I get it." She says, but Shouyou knows that despite her intelligence she wouldn't get it, couldn't understand that his father's eyes had been seared into his brain with flashes of orange. "Why were you with Miss Sato last night?" It almost sounds like she doesn't want him to respond, like she doesn't want to know, but her body twists to face him and he knows that he is trapped. "I got kicked out." He was certain that Daichi had told the entire team if he had told Kuroo. She nods, tugs on her hair until it's out of her face, then speaks again.

"I thought you were staying with Daichi-san." He shrugs while looking away, "I was." He admits with a sigh that shouldn't belong to him. She hums, sounding almost enough like Aki that his chest starts hurting with each beat. "Something happen?" He knows that he should refuse to reply, because he know that he'd tell anyone willing to listen the truth about Kuroo. "I left." Another sharp pain at not telling Daichi that they wouldn't be sharing a bed, that the older boy would need to make his own lunch for today.

He shakes his head, ignoring the heat in his cheeks at how much more he sounds like Daichi's wife than his teammate. "Did Daichi-san kick you out?" She almost sounds sad asking, but he just shakes his head again, wishing that Daichi had banished him instead of his cowardly instinct forcing him to abandon the only person in Miyagi that doesn't hate him. "No." _But he should,_ was on his tongue but teeth digging into his lip stopped him before the pills could force more words from him. Kiyoko makes that noise again and his heart sinks when he realizes that the rumbling under him isn't pulling him towards Tokyo; Shouyou lets out a small sigh when his companion pulls out a book and decides that she's done interrogating him.

Kiyoko leads him off of the bus after it stutters into an idle state, her presence is prominent as she walks, like there's spotlights shining off of her cheeks and wind that flows through her instead of around her. It's enough of a distraction that he doesn't even stop walking until he's on his ass for the second time that morning. "Shouyou..." Kiyoko gasps, but his attention is drawn to the reason his feet are no longer on the ground. "Ah, Shimizu-chan! It's almost like you've been avoiding me." Dark eyes glance over him, and Shouyou feels ice slide over his skin. "Uh-" He climbs to his feet, claps gravel off his palms and dares a look back at the wall in front of him. "I haven't..." Kiyoko mumbles and Shouyou watches as she attempts to duck past the man only to be ensnared by an exposed burly arm slithering over her shoulders; he's always wondered about shirts with no sleeves but realizes that now is probably not a good time to ask about them.

"Not so fast, sweetheart, you can't just walk away _right after_ you say you're not ignoring me, a little rude, ain't that right, kid?" Suddenly that gaze is on him again and Shouyou feels his feet start to tremble like he might fall again. "I-I have to go." Kiyoko's voice perfectly fits how he's feeling, and he expects that the arm will drop and this will be forgotten. It doesn't, if anything the tanned skin starts bulging against Kiyoko's attempts to escape.

Shouyou does the only thing he's good at, the only thing that hasn't been taken from him or shattered into a thousand pieces. He jumps. Can recall the action happening before his brain could even catch up, his body is thrown into one that's easily double his size, but the middle blocker doesn't hold back, sinks his teeth into tawny skin until he sees the crimson that reminds him of home. There are screams that, for once, he knows do not belong to him and then he's being thrown onto the ground, but he's up before he sees anything but pale fingers and their warmth in his hands.

Stopping doesn't occur to him until Karasuno pulls into sight, his feet melt into the cement under his feet and he's forced to look back into pale skin and blue eyes. "Shouyou..." Her voice is still scared and he feels everything start to crumble, all of his effort had meant nothing because Kiyoko-senpai was still shaking. "Sorry." He offers, admitting that he wasn't strong enough in a final attempt to pull the strain out of her features. It doesn't, he's not sure why he thought it would. "You have blood on your chin." Rough fabric drags over his flesh and he jerks back, staring at a sleeve stained crimson; he apologizes again, for ruining her uniform but Kiyoko just shrugs and takes his face back into her trembling hands.

"You shouldn't have done that." He snorts in reply, tries not to get transfixed into too blue eyes. "Everyone needs a protector." He thinks of Natsu, how the title was stripped from him along with his family name. Ebony hair shakes like feathers as Kiyoko laughs, it's the first time he's ever heard the noise and the noises startles him so much he doubts he'll remember it, but it continues until more than her hands are shaking. "Protector, huh?" She mutters, Shouyou thinks the words weren't meant for his ears but his senses are still blown open from her laugh. "Who protects the protectors, then?" She sounds hesitant to ask and Shouyou is equally so to reply, he thinks of Kenma, alone in Tokyo next to the person who hurt Suga-san. He frowns, shakes his head until the shallow blue turns into an all encompassing ocean, rips the question from his mind even if its effects remain. "I don't know." He admits, lets his eyes fall onto bloodstained wings instead of pale skin.

"Does that happen often?" Fingernails dig into his face, he winces slightly and they're retracted and dropped to fall at her sides. Neither of them offer apologizes or platitudes, but she does take his hand and Shouyou finds himself blushing, thinking of doing something similar with a blond haired setter. The gym pulls into sight slower than he's ever thought possible but his heart is still racing as if he'd just raced here, they pause in front of the club room and Kiyoko finally retracts her hand.

"Shouyou-"

He looks up at the manager through inky bangs and takes in her squirming facial features. "You didn't have to do that." He nods, offers her a smile while ignoring the weight of blood on his teeth. "But I'm glad you did." Her cheeks turn as red as he imagines his teeth are and forces himself to look away. He's never thought that there could be downsides to be being _pretty,_ but now he's seen the danger, knows that the darkness can stretch well into the light and hurt people around him without trying. She unlocks the door for him, and he almost questions _why_ she has a key for a room for only changing men but buries it quickly. He offers his thanks but a hand clamps around his wrist before he can sink into the room.

"Can I ask you something- a favor, two actually?" She swallows quietly, and Shouyou is pinned by her stare long enough to nod. "Don't mention that to anyone." He nods and the weight of blood in his mouth is doubled, feels his stomach cramp with injuries that aren't his but are seared into his skin. She nods, and walks away without asking for her second favor; Shouyou collapses against the club room door before he can help it, wishing that his clothes would change on their own so he could get lost in spiking.

Only he can't spike, not really, because the gym is empty even when the lights are on. He thinks of the unassuming apartment he'll have to return to. Alone. The wall is less of a practice partner than he remembers, it doesn't insult him nor does it compliment him, doesn't give him anything but the ball and a soundly imitation of spiking. The next one makes a sound too similar to his name and the middle blocker lets the ball bounce to the ground.

"Hinata!" He supposes the wall didn't know he hated that name. He glances up into a practice shirt and messy hair, "Daichi." Offers the man a smile because it might be his last, his captain approaches, broad hands gripping into his shirt and tug at him, he lets his feet follow. "Don't call me that." Daichi blinks, unimpressed. "Please." He offers meekly. "Hinata." He grabs onto Daichi's wrist, as hard as his trembling fingers will allow him to, wishes that he was strong enough to leave a dent in the tanned skin. "Don't!" He hisses, matching narrowed eyes with his own.

"Shouyou." His captain sighs and the grip on his shirt loosens enough for him to drop Daichi's wrist. "You didn't come home last night." The middle blocker flinches at _that_ word, one he only associated with red and gold. "Sorry." He offers instead of the explanation Daichi will demand. "I was- I thought you..." His stomach burns again, shakes his head and grabs onto Dacihi's frame until he can smell peas. "Sorry." He offers into dampened fabric. "Where were you?" Shouyou takes a moment to lose himself in the smell of the earth while thinking of something good enough to placate an entire night of worrying. "I was okay. I am okay." Daichi snorts, mumbles something he thinks might not be words. "Suga was worried about you, too." Ignoring the trembling his shoulders, he looks into his murky pupils and thinks of the silver haired boy. _Protector._ Wishes he didn't feel guilty, for holding onto a secret that could solve everything.

"I'll be back tonight." He wishes he could take back the words, knows that he should but Daichi's chest clenches under his chin and he knows he can't, even if he were strong enough; Shouyou thinks of Kiyoko, walking home alone and running into a man with a bloody arm, and feels himself start to tremble again, wondering why he has these people to protect when he's not strong enough to do so. Daichi pulls back before he has an answer and Shouyou feels like he's lost another shield. "He didn't find you, did he?" The older boy is staring down at him now, hard and looking almost unforgiving. The middle blocker swallows, wishing for nobody would talk about any _hims._ He shakes his head, grateful that he doesn't have lie again. Daichi nods, then slaps his head so hard he can hear it twice. "Don't ever do that again, Shouyou, so help me god. " Shouyou laughs, offers his captain a salute and then a hug that his nose missing the smell of peas when the embrace finally ends.

"I brought you breakfast."

"And by _breakfast_ you mean?"

"Don't get smart with me, Shouyou."

A can of coffee is pressed into one hand and in the other is a protein bar that tastes suspiciously like cardboard, not that Shouyou has ever tasted cardboard. Consuming them both leaves him with an awkward energy that makes his toes tingle and his heart pound in his ears. Taking that into account, he was a pretty good feeling about the day.

The next favor comes later that day, during lunch where Kageyama's stares were getting too intense for him to sit still, but that might be an excuse that coffee provides. Shouyou hops between tiles, and not because he has a particular care for the health of his- Natsu's mother's back, but to draw attention from the third year girl who seems to draw attention by just _existing._ Kiyoko-senpai offers him several sheets of identical papers. _Volleyball Manager._ He stares at the side of her head for a moment before expressing his curiosity, "Is managering really that hard?" He thinks the words might sound condescending but she just smiles at him and offers to take him to the nurse. "I'll need a replacement. For when the third years leave." The topic had been discussed far too many times in the morning's practice, where Asahi-san _insisted_ that they make the most of their last year by giving their all at the Spring Tournament, Shouyou _insisted_ in response that the _ace_ give everything he has, always.

The most logical thing he can think of, is to ask for help from someone with good people skills, which excludes Kageyama too quickly that Shouyou finds himself in class four before he can help it. Yamaguchi greets him from his desk and waves him over, "Hinata!" He stares at his pinch server for a moment, "Don't call me that." Yamaguchi blinks, messy hair swishing like a pea plant, he relays his observation and Tsukishima snorts into his cell phone. "Do you know any first years _not_ in a club, Yamaguchi?" He asks, choosing to ignore the too red cheeks of his victim; the taller boy nods, points at a creepy looking boy. Shouyou is pretty sure the boy is _lurking,_ Tsukishima questions how someone can _lurk_ when they're sitting in a chair with a _nose_ full of seaweed. Yamaguchi shrugs, and tells him that's the only person in the class without a club. The other two boys laugh at his deduction of why that might be, he thinks there might be a rule about the _mandatory_ joining of a club, but he finds himself pondering if there's a _subsection_ about shoving seaweed up his or her nose. Edging into class five, he thinks that it would be quite odd for that to exist.

That's when he spots them.

Shouyou isn't sure what draws him in, too blonde hair that's just the right length or the _Club Sign-Up_ sheet half hidden under their elbow. He tries not to let the resemblance to his protector distract him, even if it's only the _shade_ of their hair instead of everything about it. Somehow, he knows that it will not smell like crisp apples and animal-based capitalism, nor will their face reflect stoic expressions across aristocratic features or faint smiles that make his heart stop as easily as it forces the organ to beat with the phantom rhythm pressed against his back. He knows that donning _her_ crimson ribbon will not provide a shield, nor will any article of _her_ clothing provide him with the protection that his fingers tremble for. Despite knowing all of these things, knowing that she was not Kenma, or even Kenma's female counterpart, she was the only person he approached in class five.

He loomed over her desk like a creep, _lurking,_ he knew that much. The middle blocked checked his nose for seaweed and sighed in relief to find that _lurking_ did not cause plants to grow from one's nostrils, he jumps back when the noise attracts her attention. "U-Uhm..." She asks, looking at him like he actually might sprout vegetation from parts of his face. "Do you have a club?" He blurts instead of the subtle inquiry he had planned in his head, he watches her too blonde hair jerk at his tone, or maybe the sheer volume of his tone, before shaking her head and finally staring at the blank form under her arm.

His form is slammed over hers and Shouyou flinches from the noise, _definitely_ not the pain that flares in his hand, he is a spiker after all. "Join the volleyball club!" He tries to pull on a tone that doesn't belong to him, commanding like Daichi and encouraging like Suga-san, he thinks it might mork until she just stares at him. "I-I-" She squeaks, staring at the form as both a godsend and a curse. _I.I._ He wants to leave, but he knows the tension in his throat will dissipate eventually. "I don't know anything about volleyball, sorry, uh-?" Shouyou thinks it might be a question for his name, the singular title he has, but he just smiles. "Neither did I, not until I saw a match on TV of The Little Giant, who's like, the best spiker _ever."_ She blinks at his words, several times until the middle blocker has to clench his fists to quell the trembling his hands. "The Little Giant?" She squeaks, sounding meek and wrongfully apologetic. Shouyou, determined to make the sale, bows as deeply as he can without slamming his head into her desk.

"Please become our manager!"

"Uh-"

"Please become our manager!" He repeats with more urgency.

"I think-"

"Please become our manager!" Knows that he should give up, knows that his reason for pestering her is a selfish one.

"Fine..."

"Please become our- Oh! Really?" He's not sure why he's surprised, knows that she'd eventually say yes, if only to get him to stop yelling at her desk. "So, what's your name?" She winces at the words, and he supposes they could have traded formalities before he pestered her, knows that her name would not be Kenma and that her red ribbon was not a heavily folded up jacket with _Nekoma_ printed on it. "Hitoka Y-Yachi." He stares at her, Hitoka Yachi stares back, the unwavering eye contact is almost unsettling coming form the twitching girl. "What's yours?" He watches Hitoka Yachi chew onto her lip, Shouyou's not sure why expected Tokyo white teeth and a voice like gravel.

"My what?"

"Your name."

Shouyou smiles. Hitoka Yachi flinches back in her chair, the ponytail on the side of her head jerks back too blonde hair. "A surprise. You'll find out when I see you at the gym!" He knows she could probably just _ask_ any of the people staring at them, knows that Kenma would just ignore him and the _mystery_ presnted to him. He especially knows that his victory sign might be overboard, but Hitoka Yachi was not Kenma, and he had a feeling she would show up in the gym with questions and a complete _Volleyball Manager_ form, and maybe even a victory sign of her own. As he exits class five, he briefly wonders how Kiyoko-senpai will react, if she'll be proud or irritated that he found one person that seemed perfect, if only by the shade of her hair and a blank paper he just happened to see. Despite her _perfect_ fit for the roll, that doesn't stop Shouyou from worrying about it for the rest of lunch, in which he's offered another can of coffee from Yamaguchi, who's being ripped from the door of class one by a very indignant Tsukishima. He thanks the taller boy for saving him from the corn soup that ended up on his desk.

Kageyama ends up at his desk for their next break, taking a try at subtlety, Shouyou would be more proud if the entire awkward, stuttering situation wasn't happening to him. "So uh, Kiyoko-san's hair is very... nice." Shouyou blinks, refuses to let his face even twitch while he begs for Christmas to bring him a video camera, or for the school to release their copy of the situation. "Is it? I haven't noticed." Refuses to think about tanned skin and blood so close to that _nice_ hair. Kageyema's fingers twitch, like they might make a grab at his head if he continues doing this. "Yes- Hinata- I..." Shouyou blinks, expressing his unimpressed state as much as possible with the action, he wonders how long it took Daichi to master that look. "Don't call me that." Kageyama blinks at his first non-response, it's one of open confusion that makes him wonder if the blue eyed boy had even truly intimidated him. "It's your name..." He jerks back at the reply, expecting easy acceptance instead of more _subtlety._ "Don't call me that. Ever." He hisses, harsh enough to make Kageyama flinch in return.

"Shouyou." He prompts, knowing that Kageyama would never use his name otherwise. "Just Shouyou. Never, ever call me _that._ " The middle blocker didn't intend on continuing his tirade against a title that wasn't his, but Kageyama had rejected King and he would reject Hinata. "Kiyoko-san..." Shouyou sighs, almost wishes that was _his_ name seeing as that's the only thing his setter seems to focus on, he could deal without the twitching eyebrows and flushed cheeks when it's used though.

"Kageyama Tobio, take your seat."

Shouyou snickers at Kageyama's blanch, like the taller boy had forgotten that they were in school in his desperate desire to _know;_ he supposes, at some point, he should stop teasing the setter about his inability to communicate before his head turned into a stress ball. "Yes, sir!" People laugh at the abrupt words, Shouyou stares around Kageyama and at the squirming face of their teacher, one who is most definitely not a sir, then back at Kageyama, who has never looked more out of place with his red face and twitching fingers. "Your seat is back there." He offers his setter a lifeline and Kageyama darts to the back of the room, almost in the direction where his seat is. The last class passes with pointed looks towards the back of the room and Shouyou is pretty sure he can hear Kageyama trembling with unspoken apologies.

He beats the taller boy to the club room, but the victory is not a decent one, Kageyama had insisted on talking about Kiyoko-senpai's hair while they were running. Our of sheer awkwardness, the blue eyed boy decided to _stare_ at him the entire time while doing so and the middle blocker easily found the will to run even faster than usual. He changes as quickly as he can manage when he feels unwavering blue eyes start to _scan_ him, Daichi stares at him from the club room door but he just grabs his captain's arm and leads him into the relative safety of the gym. "I need a favor." Tries not to feel guilty because he's only been asking for favors since he met Daichi, but the older boy just nods hesitantly. "I need you to murder Kageyama, or at least tell him to stop watching me change while talking about Kiyoko-senpai's hair." Daichi's lip squirms in one corner, then the other, then his captain _laughs_ louder than he thought humanly possible. It's a deep rumbling that he's inexperienced with, it vibrates his bones while his blood reaches out and seeks more of the sound, Daichi's laugh _erupts_ when Kageyama steps into the gym and stalks over to them. His shoulder is used as a support while Daichi lectures their setter through fits of giggling.

Noya-senpai finds the situation interests and decides to laugh at Kageyama too, if only for the expression on his expression. Then there's a flash of light and everything is ruined, Shouyou throws himself out from under Daichi's weight, hears the taller boy crashing to the ground while he moves. Gasping for breath is almost unfamiliar, even when he's been doing it everyday since he could remember, only recently out of blind panic; it's over before anyone realizes that he is _not okay,_ and for that he'll always be grateful. Grateful for another moment where he won't have to come clean about his _disorder,_ his fear almost everything and the only person who can control his reactions.

The gym doors slide open unexpectedly and Shouyou jumps out of a practice game before they can close again. Kiyoko-senpai is there, staring at him with fingers digging into her arm. "This is-" Shouyou smirks, "Hitoka Yachi." His manager smirks, "She was outside, crawling on the ground and screaming, about a little giant and being murdered. I assume?" A pale fingers gestures between him and his victim, he nods, holds back a cackle at Kiyoko's story. "Yachi, thanks for showing up!" Offers her a smile that has her clamping down harder on Kiyoko's arm. "R-right, now y-your name!" Shouyou taps his chin in what he considered contemplation, even if there was only so much to think about when Tanaka-senpai is yelling at him for ditching practice to _flirt, even if it's with a cute fist year._

"Shouyou." He says when nobody else will, she blinks around Kiyoko's arm, as if urging him on. "Just Shouyou." She blinks again, before moving in front of Kiyoko and glaring at him. "That's not fair!" She wails, but Shouyou just stares, not really sure how to react to this. "Uh-" It is not out of fear that he runs away, of Yachi anyway, he can feel the beady eyes of his setter staring into him and he's forced back onto the court before he finds out exactly what isn't fair, he had given his name in exchange for her presence at practice.

The middle blocker finds himself stuck when practice is over and the sun is too close to setting for his heart to beat normally. Kiyoko-senpai approaches him, _bows_ to him, which only makes Shouyou more confused before walking away. "Wait!" And she does, he finds himself standing in front of her but unable to meet her eyes. "Do-Do you need help? With walking home, I mean." Licks his teeth, can imagine the taste of blood and convulsing muscles on his teeth more easily than he can breathe. There's a pressure on his head and he flinches away from it, doesn't snap because his offer had been genuine. "I'm walking Yachi-san home for keeping her so late, we'll be fine." She takes a step past him and Shouyou hears her stop again but he's still staring at where her feet used to be. "Thank you, Shouyou." He thinks it might be genuine gratitude, but finds himself questioning it while he walks back to the club room, back to Daichi and Suga-san.

He takes the silver haired boy's bag, finds the weight fretfully unfamiliar, and allows the older boys the walk ahead of them. He ignores their hushed tones, caught up in thoughts of Kiyoko-senpai _and_ Yachi being caught up in stocky arms; he calls Kenma the moment Daichi's front door closes the three of them inside, cradles the plastic between his face and shoulder as he hides himself in his captain's bedroom.

"Shouyou?" Kenma asks, as if anyone calls him at random times begging for their air back. "Hi." He greets meekly, feeling almost embarrassed but almost twice as desperate. "Are you okay?" The way Kenma's says it makes the weight of everyone else slide of his shoulders instantly, can feel them pooling at his feet but he can ignore them like his little toe. "I'm just being paranoid, I think." He doesn't need to think, he's very aware that he's being paranoid, even if he doesn't like to admit it. "Do you want to talk about it?" He wants to, but can't find the right words to explain the feeling of impending doom at finding his manager and manager in training being kidnapped by a brute on the street who has a bloody arm and a thirst for revenge. "No." He offers obediently, and Kenma snorts in his ear. "Would you like to talk about _something?"_ Shouyou smiles, thinking of a lot of things he'd like to talk about, like how great Kenma's hair is, and how it smells like more than one flower, or the shield that seems so far away and his skin itches in a material that doesn't match. "Yes." And Kenma sighs in his ear.

"Anything specific."

"Just say stuff to me."

He thinks he hears Kenma sigh again, but finds himself smiling more brightly knowing that Kenma would give him this, even if he has to beg for it. "Stuff, huh?" He nods despite knowing that Kenma couldn't see him, as much as he wants to pretend otherwise. "Lev misses you." Shouyou flinches at that, before asking why and Kenma just grunts. "He says you remind him of his sister, not sure why he felt the need to share that while shoving ice creams down his throat." 

"Creams?" 

"As in more than one." 

Shouyou snorts, "Anything else?" The older boy hums quietly and the middle blocker wonders when he started missing the noise. "Inuoka says he wants a wife your height." Shouyou goes still, "Punch him for me." Kenma hums in agreement, with possible amusement in there that Shouyou ignores. "Want to know something?" Kenma's change in tone, husky and low, tells him that he does  _not_ want to know, even if he really, really does. "Yes?" He squeaks into the receiver. Kenma chuckles, he regrets the decision. 

"I do too." 

"You what too?" 

"I want a wife just like you." Shouyou's heart stops. 

"With hair, just like yours. And eyes. Freckles." Shouyou is pretty sure there's only one freckle to talk about, but remains quiet. 

"Legs, god your legs, Shouyou." Kenma  _growls_ and his heart starts to hurt with how fast it restarts. 

"You know what I like more than your legs?" The middle blocker squeaks, drops the phone and scrambles after the device before he dies in anticipation. 

"What's in between them..." 

Shouyou throws the phone across the room, face hot along with every cell in his body. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's just something I really like about this chapter, I have no idea what it is.


	37. Chapter Thirty-Seven

**Chapter Thirty-Seven**

It's easier to ignore the bloodshed when Kiyoko spends every moment ignoring it, every time Shouyou attempts to bring it up the dark haired girl suddenly finds a reason for him to find Yachi. He is glad, however, that Kiyoko is pleased with his decision on her, even if they had been on a selfish whim, the desire to see _that_ hair again had paid off. Shouyou's not sure if he could handle not seeing that color everyday, along with the scarlet of Kenma's jacket.

At first, the middle blocker found it difficult to balance everything with nobody asking questions, waking up in alternating places of rest, either secured in Daichi's arms or in the phantom embrace of Kenma's. Daichi wasn't- isn't pleased with the change, with his half truths that he offers, because nobody can know that Sato is part of a family he once belonged to. Or that he's started to think of her in that way. He's only seen her three times since that day in Ukai's shop, always on Sunday and always with a hesitant admission of Natsu's latest antics. Sharing laughs with someone who secretly _medicated_ him for years, in his opinion, is less awkward than he imagine. Not that he spent more than a moment imagining that it could have been like this since he's met her, that they could share low quality meals with equally low quality television.

He asks about Kiyoko-senpai on the fourth Sunday and Sato drops her cup noodles on the couch; Shouyou sees her eyes go hard for the first time since he's found out about his disorder. "Stay away from her." Whispered, like Sato has the same problem he has of being unable to breathe, but she does breathe, Shouyou watches his aunt take in a deep gulp of air let it out, "Stay away from her." Repeated louder, harder than her blue-grey eyes, like when Natsu refused to listen to their caretaker too many times in a row. "Why?" He's not sure where the urgent need to _know_ about Kiyoko-senpai came from, he thinks it might have something to do with blood and the manager being only a wall away, a couple of steps if he decided to use the door.

"She's dangerous." The explanation only serves to make him more curious, more anxious and frightened. "Dangerous?" He repeats, rolling the word off his tongue while trying to imagine Kiyoko-san as anything but the girl who was too beautiful, the girl who wiped blood from his cheek in an accident she didn't deserve. "Okay." He lies, letting dark bangs fall over his face to hide from her piercing stare. Shouyou hated to lie, but he couldn't stay away from someone who had become part of his life, a friend as well as someone who he was learning to protect.

"Dangerous." He echoes into a couch cushion that smells like chicken broth, the only thing dangerous about Kiyoko-san is her looks, too pretty to not stare at. Too pretty not to touch. Shouyou hates the feeling that threatens to overwhelm him, the desire to understand without hurting anyone. Wants to know why people want to _own_ other people. _You belong to us._ He doesn't want the dark haired manager, not the way everyone else seems to, he finds her beauty almost as overwhelming as the men that flock to her. Too much perfection that has him scoping out the cracks in his own appearance, he thinks he'll always admire the way that she _looks_ so tall, even when she's only a centimeter or two taller than him. The middle blocker wants to protect that, doesn't want someone else to feel as small as he is, compact and insignificant enough to fit in someone's pocket.

He falls asleep to the sound of his aunt snoring, another thing he never noticed when they were both sleeping in _that_ house; morning arrives through a moment of unrelenting bleakness, Shouyou rubs dreamless sleep from his eyes and takes in the quiet of the apartment, no snoring and the coffee maker he thought that Sato's fingers were attached was silent as well. Knowing that her companionship is on a set schedule makes him uncomfortable, like he's still being an inconvenience despite her practically dragging him here.

Making rice separates him from the quiet, takes in the noises of percolation and sizzling eggs like those noises were crafted just for him, he makes bentos for Daichi and Suga wishing that being alone didn't mean being _alone._ The dark haired boy thinks it might be because he hasn't seen Kenma since he made a _deal_ with Kuroo, the older boy insisted that he remain safe in Miyagi but far, far away from Oikawa; he tells the Nekoma captain, in a fit of rage, that Miyagi wasn't big enough for him to avoid Grand King forever. He ties the final bento with a sense of finality, there would be not waiting or fear the next time a trip to Tokyo presented itself, he would be seeing Kenma, if only for a moment, and that was that. The promise that Kuroo had made, about not being involved with _dethroning the Grand King,_ held strong as far as he knew, but the blond boy had suspicions, told him in an early morning text that Kuroo was being weirder than usual.

Kiyoko was outside of the door when he opened it and he's starting to wonder if it's going to become a habit where he ends up on his ass every time the blue eyed girl shows up. "Good morning, Shouyou-kun." There's a fox grin that would send shudders up his spine if he had seen it on anyone else, on Kiyoko it was good news. "G-good morning." He mumbles, rubbing at his butt while juggling three bentos and the uncomfortable weight that _something_ is going to happen. The fact that it doesn't happen makes his fingers tremble and he flinches when Kiyoko shifts beside him on the bus, tugging out a big book without a word. He glances at the cover through a comb of pale fingers and feels a sigh course through his entire body at the fact that the dark haired girl is _teasing_ him into asking.

"S-so..." He trails off, not sure if he just ask about the book or maybe bring up the way her cheeks are stretching a little too wide to be comfortable. The club manager shifts closer until he thinks he might be able to count her eyelashes over the frame of her glasses, "So?" She prompts. Swallowing, Shouyou nods at the book and then forces himself to stare into the ocean of mischief on his manager's face. "You- I mean, uhm- Book reading, what are?" She blinks, he blinks back before he feels agony ripple across his face in a deep blush.

Kiyoko says something too clearly to be a mumble but after a minute of deciphering he's left with nothing but empty sounds he doesn't understand. "What?" He prods, taking a look at the pages she offers him, finds nothing but confusing symbols that look almost like Romanji. "French." She gives and he gives the word a test from his own tongue, another one he's never had to use outside of school. "You're reading French?" She snorts, "I'm reading _about_ French." He nods, looks towards the window instead of the other remaining mystery. "Why?" He blurts, wondering why someone would bother learning another language when they already know Japanese and some English. Kiyoko shrugs one shoulder, lifting the book closer to his face again, "Have you ever seen Paris, Shouyou?" The ocean is studying him again, but he just notices the absence of her smile. Shouyou shakes his head, catching some of her hair with his and only then does he realize how close Kiyoko actually is.

"It's supposed to be one of the most beautiful cities in all of France." He finds himself wondering about the most beautiful city in Japan, he wants to believe it's Tokyo, but he might be slightly biased by blond hair and warm arms. "Do you want to go there one day?" The bus stops before he gets an answer and the subject changes as soon as they're stepping on concrete. "Are you getting along with Yachi?" Shouyou frowns, wants to ask about a city he has no interest in, anything but the awkward situations he finds himself in when he notices Yachi's hair. "I think so?" She nods slowly, and her eyes dart over to the ground beneath them.

"Blood." Kiyoko is chewing on her lip and Shouyou really doesn't want more blood on her uniforms, "We're going to be late." He suggests quietly, tugging on her sleeve just above a patch of crimson stained blackness. The manager nods and starts walking, he drops his hand from her sleeve and falls into step, sharing silence he thinks to be awkward and tense. "Is there anywhere you want to travel to, Shouyou?" The question is quiet and almost lost in the wisps of her flickering hair, he almost wishes the words had fallen onto the ground, but he nods when she studies him.

"Where?"

Shouyou swallows, stares at the ground passing under their sneakers with sudden interest. "Tokyo." He mumbles, tries to see if he can learn her ability to change the topic until it's less awkward to discuss. He catches an eyebrow raise through inky bangs, "Because of the training camp?" The middle blocker smiles almost menacingly, grateful for an easy way out; he supposes, however, that the training camp is part of it, they'd be in Tokyo with Kenma. Nekoma would be there, he could meet his rival turned protector, he could...

_Talk to Kuroo._

Knowing something is inevitable, in Shouyou's opinion, is the _worst_ feeling ever. Knowing that those moments, or this one in particular, are drawing closer with each one of his empty breaths is something else. He shouldn't be scared of Kuroo, but he is, part of him will always be scared of Kuroo and what he represents to the middle blocker. "We'll be there in a few weeks, Shouyou." He thinks the words are sad, despite the smile she offers him. He wonders about Paris while he changes, searches his brain for something to use, something to make her dream seem like a few weeks. The only thing he knew about France was that it was over _there,_ too close to _Wales_ for him to think about it further.

Asahi is in what would be the empty club room, Shouyou takes a moment to hide his surprise, staring at the man with his title oddly because Asahi was never the first one here. "Good morning, Hinata." He hears between the rustling of clothes being removed. The middle blocker holds back anything that isn't blankness, "Call me Shouyou. _Only_ Shouyou, Asahi-san." He chides, trying not to sound bitter because despite Asahi's niceness, the older boy was still an ace. "Sorry-sorry, but uh- why?" Shouyou blinks, wrings his practice jersey to stop his hands from trembling. He knows that a teammate would keep a secret, Daichi kept his _running away_ and Suga-san's injuries under wraps, but knowing that he can trust his captain and vice-captain is different. Easier, he decides. Not knowing Asahi-san makes him hesitant to speak about anything except volleyball, knowing that Asahi is a really nice guy makes him feel guilty for keeping his quiet for so long.

"Can you keep a secret, Asahi-san?" He quips, resisting the urge to smile at his sudden genius. Asahi glances around the room, looking almost scared, Shouyou almost feels dumb for doubting Asahi-san's loyalty. A teammate's loyalty. A terse silence passes in which Shouyou finishes changing and Asahi is still studying the buttons on his school uniform, he ends up standing in beside the taller boy, making it look casual as possible should someone walk in on their conversation. Asahi's decision comes with the removal of his shirt, a stiff nod along with a too intense stare. He finds himself lacking the words he pieced together in the silence, "I uh," Swallows down too much fear that reminds him that there were no pills in his mouth today.

"I got kicked out."

Shouyou watches Asahi's bare shoulders tense up like he was fighting a chill, "Are you okay?" Wishes that people would stop using those words for they belong to someone else, not that Asahi-san would know that. "Shouyou?" The call of his name reminds him that he hasn't responded, "Do you need a place to stay?" The middle blocker almost laughs, but he really wishes that people would stop offering because he would have a difficult time saying no, especially to almost insistent brown eyes that are almost too close. "Do you know anything about France, Asahi-san?" Shouyou smiles, feeling like he's mastered a gift with his new ability to change the subject.

"Uh- Bread." Shouyou blinks, watches Asahi's tan cheeks turn almost pink. "Bread." The middle blocker repeats, Asahi-san nods again, the older boy's face morphs from confused to convicting. "Why are you asking that? You can't run from your problems, Hi-Shouyou." Shouyou almost smiles again, but he knows it would put a bitter taste in his mouth and allows his lips to fall into easy nothingness; he could _easily_ run from his problems, has plenty of practice in that with trips to Tokyo and nights with Daichi when his _legs_ get too itchy from being alone. Asahi-san opens his mouth and Shouyou can tell that he's about to be scolded again but clicking from the door makes the ace's teeth click shut.

"I heard something pretty interested, Asahi-san, just do _not_ tell Noya-senpai and Tanaka-senpai."

There are shared gasps and suddenly the taller boy is being swarmed by two other bodies, Shouyou hides a smirk, "Kiyoko-senpai will be _so_ upset." There's another pair of gasps and then Asahi-san is being squished while being interrogated about their angelic manager. The middle blocker offers the taller boy a smile on the way out of the room, feels dark eyes following him but he closes the club room door and enters the gym. Yachi and Kiyoko are speaking quietly by the open gym doors, he's unable to catch any of the words but Yachi is blushing and Kiyoko has _that_ smirk curling the ends of her lips. He ducks past them before the urge to ask the taller girl about bread or why their new manager looks seconds from exploding.

The gym lacks the _hum_ that it usually does, but Shouyou doesn't find it bothering, just a small tingling in the back of his head that makes him notice the lack of noise. "Kageyama?" He asks, taking a look at the taller boy when there's no smack of a returned ball, the setter nods at him and Shouyou is left feeling confused when Kageyama _still_ doesn't serve him the ball again. A bad feeling settles in his stomach at the silence, something he can't name, but it doesn't last long before the buzz returns with confessions of love. And bread.

"Bread." Yachi queries, staring at Noya-senpai and Tanaka-senpai who had just jumped through the gym doors with their arms full, Shouyou is pretty sure he hears snickering from Asahi-san from across the gym and gives the older boy a non-hostile smile as he approaches.

"That wasn't very nice." He comments, observing his _neighbor_ while her arms are trembling under the weight of her new gifts. None of the breads look particularly _French,_ but he's not an expert, so he remains quiet while he takes in the scene. "No, it wasn't." The taller boy agrees from beside him, Shouyou ignores the pair of dark eyes staring him down. "It also isn't nice to have two idiots crowding you while you're naked." The middle blocker stares at the older boy levelly, "You weren't _naked_." He points out and Asahi just snorts in return.

"I gave you time, now I want answers." He's not sure if everything was intentional, but he thinks that Asahi, the most kindhearted person he knows, just _manipulated_ two people and is now _extorting_ answers from him; Shouyou sees all at once how people could mistake the older boy for Yakuza. "There's nothing to tell." He lies, because there's too much to tell and without the pills he could keep his mouth shut as long as he liked. "Where are you living? ...Please tell me it's not a bench or supply closet." He laughs, only falling off when the older boy glares down at him. "I stay with Daichi." He admits, ignoring the _sometimes_ that was on his tongue.

Asahi's eyes go wide, Shouyou thinks he can see the older boy trembling but that might be him. "Th-Then you know about..." The older boy trails off with another suspicious glance around the gym. "About Suga?" Shouyou feels the world _stop_ in tune with his heart. "You know about that?" He hisses, ignores the flinch from the older boy in favor of glaring him down for answers. "Of- Of course, Daichi and Suga are my best friends." The middle blockers allows himself a breath, feels irritation leaking from him as quickly as it pools in his gut; he wishes that he could forgive Asahi in that moment, forgive him for _being friends with Daichi,_ but he finds the process too difficult because now there was one more person who could blame him for getting Suga-san hurt.

"He puts on a brave face but," Shouyou thinks he's had enough buts for a lifetime, "I know he's scared." The older boy looks at him with a frustrated expression, not blaming him like Shouyou know he should though. "He won't talk about it, but he always calls in the middle of the night _sobbing."_ The middle blocker suddenly has the urge to throw himself off a too tall building. "I think he knows who did it, but won't tell anyone." _Tell anyone and you're dead._ Any doubt that it wasn't Kuroo vanished in an instant and the approaching trip to Tokyo fills him with deserved dread. Their deal was still fresh in his mind, like he was selling himself while preventing him from being a target, even if he deserves it. _You belong to us._

"Are you scared?" Finds the question dumb because Asahi-san's default emotion was fear, but he needs to ask because in sixteen years he's never experienced more fear and dread than he has in the past couple months. The older boy looks down at him, like he's being gauged to see if he should be honest. "A little bit." Asahi's quivering voice tells him that it's more than that, infinitely so. "I'm angry though, at Suga, for keeping this hidden from everyone." Shouyou nods, wishing that this wasn't something he had in common with Asahi-san. "I don't know how to help."

Shouyou wants to help.

The urge to blurt out _answers_ is almost overwhelming but teeth puncturing his lip eases the urge with beads of blood. "I want to help too." The older boy offers him a smile that shoves guilt down his throat, "I think he just need someone to be there for when he's ready to talk." He gives the older boy a nod, and they spare space while walking back to the club room.

He ends up at Suga's feet before school is even over, offering comfort as quietly as possible. The older boy pats him on the head and he feels bad for flinching away from the touch, "Sorry." He offers but Suga-san just offers him a bright smile that Shouyou thinks might be fake. "Are you feeling alright, Shouyou?" He flinches from that too, wishing just for once that Suga-san would allows himself to be taken care of. "No." He lies, "How's the food? Daichi told me that you like spicy stuff." The middle blocker ignores the indignant snort from his captain, even if he does agree that _forcing Daichi to tell me about your favorite things_ doesn't sound as pleasant. Suga's tone is almost teasing when he offers his opinion, "I'm not sure how many people enjoy spice _eggs_ but they were very good, although, I think that our captain might be suffering." There's a laugh and the dark haired boy sucks it up like a plant to sunlight, he's not sure how he can miss a noise he's not acquainted with.

Daichi's face was scrunched up in agony, Shouyou thought there might be some anger in there as well, and almost offers his own lunch over when mounds of _something_ falls onto the two desks the three of them are sharing. "Bread." Suga comments, sounding both amused and bored with the sudden appearance of yeast and their manager. "K-Kiyoko-senpai." He squeaks, wondering if she's upset about the reignited affection Noya-senpai and Tanaka-senpai is giving her.

"Here, Daichi-san." An opened package of bread is pushed into Daichi's clenched fingers, Shouyou watches relief flood the older boy's face as the captain eats his new lunch. "Is there a reason you're carrying around... two-three-six loaves of bread, Shimizu-san?" Suga-san sounds very amused now, and his smile is almost enough to dull the guilt that won't stop carving up his stomach. Kiyoko's too blue eyes fall onto him, on the floor half hidden by Suga-san's legs, and she blinks at him. Shouyou thinks it's a threat. He's positive that it's a threat. "I smelled your lunch and remembered that I always carry bread in my purse, so here I am." The older boys laugh and Shoyou allows himself the smile tugging at his cheeks.

"Shouyou-kun." Kiyoko greets formally, as if they hadn't been spending weeks learning about each other on a sticky bus seat, like he hadn't thrown himself at a guy twice their combined size and bit him until he bled. "K-Kiyoko-senpai." He stutters back, offering her a bow that she returns with an incline of her neck. They share lunch, which is mostly bread at this point, and Shouyou can't find it himself to eat anything; that feeling of an inevitable outcome, where Kiyoko and Daichi figure everything out and everything gets ruined.

Lunch is too short for the taboo fate to happen, Shouyou finds himself sighing as he takes his seat in class one. The middle blocker stares at the teachers, at their moving lips, but none of the words drift into his ears. There's something _wrong_ about everything, the only person who he thinks of as family - because Natsu would hate him if she knew everything - is feeding him ideas about someone he thinks he can trust. _Dangerous._ Mouths the word to his textbook, then once again, he knows danger. Has witnessed things he thinks would make Sato cry, but he just can't let it go. Every wide smile puts him on edge when he knows they shouldn't, that Kiyoko-senpai is just warming up to him. _Grand King is dangerous._ She had wiped his face from blood, he was more dangerous than her and she was taller than him. _Kuroo was dangerous._ He wondered if the team manager knew about why Suga had taken a week off from practice, why Shouyou was making lunch for the captain and vice-captain, why he was crawling into Sato's apartment instead of into the safety of warm arms more often than not.

The only dangerous thing about Kiyoko Shimizu, Shouyou decides, is that something in him is telling him that _she knows;_ the middle blocker knows that it's _impossible_ for her to know anything because she hadn't been there. He lets that comfort him through practice, Kageyama is close to quitting, can tell through awkwardly flaring nostrils more than the taller boy's half glare. "H-Hey, Shouyou-kun?" It's Yachi that breaks his concentration on questioning why Kageyama's glare wasn't entirely there when it should be.

"Yes?"

The blond, shorter and louder than Kenma could ever be, fidgets from the sidelines. "I need a favor." Shouyou smiles at the words, because a favor is how he had met Yachi, the girl that brings smiles to Kiyoko's face and the person to help with his _abysmal_ English skills. He nods, "And Kageyama, too." He likes that... not as much, but glances at the taller boy, who Yachi refuses to talk to directly, and asks him to assist their manager to be. Kageyama, Shouyou dares to think, looks almost relieved to stop practicing.

"Okay, can I see you do a spike?" Shouyou blinks. He stares at one of the few people shorter than him, that he knows, with as confused expression as he can manage. Yachi, with the _privilege_ of being _convinced_ to be the new manager had the wonderful opportunity to watch him spike as long as he was doing just that. Which was quite often, he thinks his worry is completely warranted, even when he _knows_ that Yachi had never hurt anything larger than a frog. That had been an accident, one that Yachi made him _promise_ never to speak of.

He prays for the amphibian as much as he does so for himself, offers a nod to both Kageyama and to their manager in training before walking to the back of the court, volleyball in hand. The toss trembles through the air the same way his entire body does, he glances at Yachi but she's only a blur of vertical lines while he jumps; spiking gives him enough distraction to prepare his feet for landing, he glances at the blond girl, expecting to see awe or a calculating expression.

Flashes of light rip expectations from him, replace them with fear and dread, because flashes of light meant something had been stolen.

Shouyou performs what he always does when presented with a problem.

He runs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many plans for this story, but it's hard to get them out when I'm not motivated as I'd like to be. Next chapter is going to be great if you like feeling like shit.


	38. Chapter Thirty-Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I forget to mention this but: It gets worse~

** Chapter Thirty-Eight **

Shouyou wishes that he wouldn't have to stop, but empty pants and a racing mind turn his feet into iron, shackles of his humanity that are as inescapable as the setting sun. Letting his back press into the chilled wood of Sato's door gives him a pathetic amount of comfort, the iciness forces the blackness clouding his vision back until he can catches glimpses of tiles and the wooden planks that make up the floor. He needs to be warm and to see red, but his legs refuse to budge from where they're pinned to the floor. Terror creeps into his lungs and screams are forced out before he can stop them, long past the point where tears blur what's left of his eyesight. He needs ensnaring gold, something to drag him away from blackness that flashes, the kind made into rings and just for him.

"Kenma-" He gasps into the empty apartment, where he resides alone, drags the boy's name out with a groan because his protector is too far away to comfort him. The distance to the couch, the one stained crimson and ivory with Kanji spelling out his protector's name, is a slight distance but seems too extensive a distance for him to cover. His phone, even farther away from the unreachable shield, is stuck in the club room. Kenma's voice is trapped in between two folds of Daichi's shirt and couldn't be sought after until he had _something._

All at once he decides that attempting to find solace in Yachi, because she shared something with his protector, had been the worst idea of his entire life. Worse than saying _Yes,_ worse than losing, worse than _belonging to us,_ because he would always belong to Kenma. Kenma who had golden hair and eyes, who smelled like a garden, and Shouyou had betrayed the only person who he could love without it hurting. Until it did. It hurt because he had tried to _replace_ someone too perfect and now he was paying the price.

His toll is paid and Shouyou finds something red that drags across with sticky warmth that reminds him all too much of his travels to Tokyo, to _Kenma._ Teeth sink into the skin of his arm and he pulls until the flesh follows, warmth skims across his arms and falls onto his bare legs, it feels like sunlight and burns like a rising sun. He rubs it over every fiber of his exposed skin until scarlet heat covers him like Kenma would; the sharp scent of his armor is nauseating and dulls the pain in his arms until everything seeps from his brain until nothing but love is left.

Shouyou is pulled from his crimson haze by a phantom grip on his skin, "Kenma..." He gasps, but the older boy says nothing, just wipes impossible warmth across his skin until Shouyou is certain he'll feel nothing but ice without that touch. "Kenma." He mumbles, feeling the need to solidify the memory with the words of his protector. "Shouyou..." Gasped into his ear, like Kenma is just as relieved to see him as he is to see the older boy. "You're bleeding." The dark haired boy feels himself melt at the words, recalling them from the moment he had hurt himself in numbing pleasure. "Sorry." He offers like he had done before, "Can you set to me today?" Laughs because Kenma would be giving him a glare if it wasn't so dark.

"Shoyou..." The hands bite into his skin and his head starts tilting back, he wonders when his muscles had gotten so weak. Ramen scented couch cushions press into his nose, Kenma disappears, can feel the presence of his protector disappear as much as he can hear the older boy walking away. "I'm sorry!" He wails into cotton, but Kenma doesn't return a moment before he is ready. The hands of his protector are wetter than he remembers, but also warmer.

"Hey, Kenma?" Shouyou asks, feeling a smile curve his lips favorably.

"Don't speak..." The middle blocker thought that was weird, odd even, Kenma was usually much more direct when he wanted him to stop talking. He nods regardless, lets his head sink into further into the muteness that Kenma is offering. It's hard not to speak when his protector is this close, wonders how the older boy even found out where he lives when he hasn't told a soul. Somehow, the terrifying thought of living _alone_ isn't so bad, because it's just him and Kenma _alone,_ for now at least. A small eternity that allows him to fall asleep without feeling the dark or the burning in his throat.

Kenma isn't holding him when he wakes up, he feels only the sinking cushions that imitate the cocoon his protector provides. It's warm enough to make his toes sweaty, not so much to make his heart beat erratically. "Kenma?" He croaks, swallows down whatever was lodged around his voice and tried again, loud enough for Shouyou to hear the uncertainty in his own voice. The middle blocker stands when the time waiting for a reply becomes indefinite, the actions causes red to flutter off of his skin, he watches Kenma's jacket turn into a scarlet puddle and settles for staring at the garment for a moment. Takes in _Kozume_ _Kenma #5_ and finds himself smiling stupidly while he bends forward to pull the the treasure from the ground.

Shouyou sees red, and a lot of white that doesn't match his extended fingers; the middle blocker takes in the sight of his arms with a disturbed fascination, curving indentations with only a few crooked points. _His_ teeth had caused this, he's not sure what he remembers, too blind in Kenma's embrace to remember anything before that. The last of the paper towels fall onto the floor in an ivory heap, taking in the sight of his own mutilation is making it hard to breathe. The pain is dull and throbbing when he knows it should be burning, it aches in red and white; Shouyou thinks of the jacket in his fingers, also red and white, also belonging to Kenma in the same way.

"Kenma?" He asks as loudly as he can without making it possible for the neighbors to hear him. There's not shift in the apartment, just still air that smells like iron and threatens to overwhelm his heightened senses. Waiting a moment brings him no answers, a few minutes pass and the only thing Shouyou hears is the zipper on Kenma's jacket as he pulls it on. The moment won't last long, where he's alone with his armor and allows himself to soak in scarlet; if he thinks hard enough, he can feel the outlines of Kenma's name on his back, ivory ripping into his skin like phantom scars. The sensation is different than any he has felt before, the complete opposite of how Kuroo's _mine_ feels on his stomach.

The icy burn returns as he thinks about the Nekoma captain, flares against Kenma's warmth in a way that makes him feel sick. He shouldn't have to share himself with anybody that he doesn't want to, but his _deal_ is forbidding him from doing so, a second protector who's armor hurts instead of comforts. Shouyou pulls his medication and the picture of Natsu out of his bag, lets himself stare into the depths of Natsu's grey-blue eyes while drowning in oceans of orange and white. The pills are odd, like a missed day has taken the familiarity out of the action; he finds himself needed water to wash down the chalkiness and the grogginess of the morning. The middle blocker ends up scooping water from the kitchen sink with his hands and uses it to dampen his throat and wash his face, with a sigh he stares at the empty paper towel roll and wonders how upset Sato will be with the smell of blood on her sofa.

Breakfast remains a mystery, Shouyou leaves the house with trembling, empty hands and a stomach filled with water and pills. The door remains unlocked and he gives the house a small prayer that nobody chooses today to be a jerk before walking towards the stairs, only to be forced still by another door opening and a call of his name. "Kiyoko-san." He offers in return, only feeling slightly paranoid that she had shown up as soon as he passed her door. "Good morning." He offers, she stares at him with her teeth pressed into her lip. "Good morning." She echoes, sounding as confused as he does. They end up walking to the bus stop silently and Shouyou starts feeling unhinged when Kiyoko decides to spend the entire walk a step behind him, her too blue gaze keeping him on the path towards school.

They share a seat, as they always do, and Kiyoko pulls out her big book on French while he sits quietly, thinking about the red and white covering his arms. Kenma's jacket is still wrapped around his body and he wishes that he didn't feel so bad wearing it in public for the first time on a bus full of strangers and his pensive manager. The bus pulls to a stop and Shouyou is surprised at how much time his guilt had forced into blankness. Kiyoko leads him off the bus, French book draped over his shoulder along with his arm, the contact is weird but can't ask her to remove it when he notices her facial expression. The dark hair girl leads him all the way to school without a word and with no distractions, they stop outside of the school gates and Kiyoko twists his shoulder until he's forced to look into the rippling ocean hidden behind gleaming lenses.

"Shouyou, I need to tell you something." The middle blocker expects the worst instantly, reminders of how _dangerous_ Kiyoko-san was filtering in his too numb brain. "What is it?" He asks, silently cursing the nervous trembling in his voice and hands. The team manager lets out an ancient sigh, one that doesn't feel appropriate for how young they both are. "Kenma..." He feels his shoulders perk up at the name, and he takes in the look on her face, like bad news solidified. "There was no Kenma last night, Shouyou."

The middle blocker stares until his eyes burn with the words forced into his stomach, "Why- What would you know?" He hisses in response, glaring at her and silently wishing she would just leave. "You were calling his name while I was cleaning blood off of you." Shouyou gapes, staring hard at the manager and looking for a sign of a lie. "You mean-?" He's not even sure what he means, the kanji ghosting over his shoulder blades seems cold suddenly as her words start to sink in. "Yachi called me yesterday, freaking out because she scared you with her camera." Shouyou remembers that part, the flashes that stole the joy of spiking along with fragments of something else. He urges her on silently, and she lets out another sigh, he can feel the sorrow in her ghosting breath. "I was already home, and the screams..." Her fingers, narrow and trembling, move up to cover her lips as she continues to speak, "You r-ripped your skin open... Rubbing _blood_ across your skin. I-" Shouyou grimaces as Kiyoko swallows down more than saliva. She pauses, and her too blue eyes catch on his. "You kept calling his name."

Shouyou nods, he remembers that part very clearly, feels both mortified and thankful that it hadn't actually been Kenma that had found him like that. "You can't tell anyone." The words feel disgusting coming out his mouth, but he knows that if anyone _knows_ he'll be questioned and found out. Shouyou hated lying more than anything, more than secrets and _deals._ "What am I supposed to say, Shouyou, we just walk in there and say _nothing?"_ Shouyou doesn't expect that tone from Kiyoko, sarcasm and fear wrapped into something he can't name but is still scared of. Shouyou, for once, would just like to say _yes;_ he tugs at his own hair, feeling too frustrated to find a solution. "Let alone the fact that you're wearing that jacket, _and_ you look like you haven't slept in months." The answer was more likely weeks, the last time he had actually _seen_ Kenma and allowed himself to belong to someone else. Kiyoko's face morphs into disgust, like she can hear what he is thinking and doesn't approve.

"Just pretend you didn't see anything, I can go to Daichi's and..." The manager sighs for an impressive amount of time, but nods anyway, looking like she'd rather cut her head off rather than consent to this plan. "Listen to me, you can go to Daichi's, you tell him _something_ and I'll tell Yachi so she'll stop texting me." As if on cue, the plastic in the girl's hand chimes loudly. "You're going to have him look at _those."_ She nods to herself, and Shouyou can't find it in himself to respond with more than a nod in return, because he's never seen _this_ person before, collected yet frantic. _Kiyoko in charge._ It seems to fit her more than being shy, but he suspects there's a reason why she's like that, he hopes it's not the same reason he decided to bite himself until he bleed all over Sato's floor and sofa.

The middle blocker runs to Daichi's house, there's still time before the older boy returns home for a shower and Shouyou lets himself in through the window, which is still exhilarating despite the circumstances. The dark haired boy works his way into the kitchen, almost screams when he finds another _person_ standing where he was certain the rice cooker was. "Uh-" He mumbles and the _person_ turns to face him, blinks and raises a mug in greeting. "Just Shouyou, I presume?" A gruff voice calls, not matching the weird half smile that he's offered. The boy in question nods, feeling awkward at being unaware and uninformed. The older man raises dark eyebrows in question but Shouyou remains silent as he moves forward.

"Sawamura Masao."

Shouyou blinks, then nods rapidly. "Daichi's dad!" He squeaks, feeling embarrassed for not catching the clues earlier. "Damn straight." Shouyou pauses, not really sure what to make of that. At all. He doesn't know a lot about either of Daichi's parents, just that they work in the city sometimes, and now he knows that Daichi's dad makes him uncomfortable for some reason. He decides to leave it at the fact that the older man caught him breaking into his son's bedroom. "Y'know, I was _pretty_ sure Dacihi said you had red hair." Shouyou cringes, but morphs it quickly into a smile as he pulls bentos from a shelf just low enough for him to reach. "Boy told Honoka that you were the best damn cook he's ever met." He just assumes _Honoka_ is Daichi's mother, since Masao says nothing more on the subject. "Made his momma _cry,_ and said she'd meet the girl who _stole her baby's heart."_ Shouyou bites into his lip to avoid saying _anything_ , because he would regret saying anything right now. _Did Daichi call me a girl?_

The middle blocker takes his eyes off of Masao, very intent on not embarrassing himself in front of Daichi's parents lest he gets kicked out of _home_ a second time in one school year. If Daichi's dad notices that the name on his back isn't his, he doesn't make it obvious, even if the dark haired boy can _feel_ the older man's eyes watching his every move. For all he knows, Daichi's dad might not be able to read Kanji, even if he could to Masao it was just a name. Not a promise and not _love._

"Can I ask you somethin'?" Masuo asks when he starts washing celery, Shouyou glances at the older man for a second, getting a read on the situation before _yes_ is even thought. The man looks worried, but not life-or-death worried, Shouyou nods over his shoulder, "Only if I can you something." He catches a crooked grin and directs his attention back to the green between his fingers. "You reckon my boy's one of _them_ types?" Shouyou ponders every other word in that sentence, ignoring the reaction he has to _my._ The middle blocker is pretty sure he's never _reckoned_ anything, but he's more concerned about _them types_ to ponder the man's word choice. "No?" He offers because _yes_ would mean too much.

"I mean, I love'em to death, but I dunno if I can handle one of them under my roof." Shouyou nods with fake understanding, "He's definitely not one of those types, my captain is a good guy." He's not really sure why he feels the need to compliment Daichi when the older boy probably won't hear anything about this conversation. "What's yer question, boy?" Shouyou gives the man an easy smile, "What was that meat in your fridge?" He gestures to it with the knife in his hand and Masuo's eyes follow the pointed end and then his face breaks into a whiskered smile. "That's duck, boy. Reckon they don't got that where you're from?" Shouyou is pretty sure he's seen a duck before, just never felt the need to murder one of the cutest animals in existence; he's also pretty sure that they live in the same area, sometimes the same house, but just smiles and nods in agreement while making strips of _duck._ He's tries to ignore the way the meat _quacks_ instead of squelches but finds himself frowning at the sizzling pan of _duck._

 _We'll have to stop calling him goat killer._ He's not sure how Suga will react to the change, but he hopes that the older boy will find some distraction with the new information. Four bentos are made, all with broken quacks and dreams, Shouyou isn't really sure why he's overreacting, or if he's supposed to be feeling this _betrayed._ "Thank you." He offers, and nothing more when he hands Masuo two of the boxes. "S'nothing, boy, my ol' man kicked me out when I was twelve, been livin' with anyone else since then." Shouyou is pretty sure that he's supposed to express sympathy, but something in Masuo's demeanor leaves him silent. "I reckon you'll meet a girl one these days, just don't knock her up like I did." The middle blocker isn't really sure what's funny about any of that, not really sure what _knocking_ someone means besides punching them in the face, and he would never punch a girl in the face. Unless Kageyama was a girl.

Daichi's arrival marks the end of his conversation with Masuo, the older boy stares at him for a moment in shock before disappearing into the bathroom. His captain returns with the same shocked expression, but with water replacing the dripping on his face. "Duck killer." He coughs when the older boy gets close enough, Daichi blanches, and then his lips curve into a weird half grimace. "I take it that you met my dad, then?" The middle blocker nods, feeling relieved that the conversation is over but also glad that it happened. "He asked me if you were one of _those_ types." He admits with a shrug, offering Daichi the other two boxes along with canned coffee from the fridge, a different brand than the one that they had bought with Suga-san.

"One of what types?" Shouyou shrugs again, "Didn't say." Daichi nods with furrowed brows and a mouthful of coffee, Shouyou helps himself to one as well, feeling a little worn out from _everything._ "Daichi?" He asks around the curve of tin pressed against his lips. The older boy looks down at him, scans him for a moment before frowning. "Everything alright?" Shouyou almost laughs, because despite everything but _not_ alright, he feels pretty alright. He thinks that might be the coffee talking, or the drugs, or being in the company of someone not the too knowing Kiyoko or the inquisitive Masuo. "I need- Can you do something for me?" The older boy's frown worsens, but he nods slowly. "There's not a lot I wouldn't do for a teammate, especially one that makes me lunch. Speaking of which, where is yours?" The smaller boy shrugs, knows that he'll be almost hungry when lunch arrives, but decides the effort to turn the stove back on is not a price he's willing to pay. "I need you to, um-" With a sigh, he tugs on scarlet sleeves to show crimson indentations.

Guilt stabs into him when he hears Daichi's breath hitch, feels his arms start to burn when his captain latches onto his wrists, only just avoiding one of the many curving lines. With a glance around the kitchen, Daichi leans closer and seethes, "What the fuck, Shouyou?" The younger boy looks down, past the now set scars and to the ground between Daichi's toes. "Who did this?" He thinks it's nice that Daichi assumes he's not _crazy_ , at least until Shouyou decides to explain that he did this to himself. It would be easy, he thinks, to blame it on Grand King possessing , to blame Kuroo's knife, but Daichi is his friend, and he deserves the truth, and telling him anything but would complicate everything even further beyond his control. Shouyou lets out a sigh, then quietly explains that the _who_ was him. The middle blocker is left with only his imagination to sense Daichi's facial expressions, he imagines anger beyond everything he's ever witnessed, but disgust seems more likely, and that scares him more.

"Can you cover them?" Daichi _growls_ when he speaks and Shouyou lets his lips fall together while the older boy figures everything out. "Why?" It seems like a stupid question, he knows that answer will be even worse. _I wanted to see Kenma._ "I was scared." It was explanation enough for how his scars came to be, always out of fear. The older boy sighs and Shouyou wants to reaches out for him, but he knows that his captain will help him with this, that the older boy will need a little time to catch up.

"Shouyou?" The middle blocker looks up into dark eyes and offers his arms again, lets himself take a long look at them as Daichi rubs a too cold liquid across his offered appendages. "Disinfectant." The older boy explains even though Shouyou didn't ask. The middle blocker nods, hopes that the tinging that he is experiencing is supposed to happen; the bandages come out of Daichi's special box, cover glossy scarlet curves and the majority of his forearms.

"Shouyou- I."

"Daichi- I."

He thinks they should laugh for talking at the same time, but the interruption forces him into silence while Daichi speaks in his place. "Shouyou, I think you should talk to someone." The smaller boy nods, as much as he hated to think about it, he would have to explain why _everything._ He just hopes that Kenma doesn't get mad at him, that the older boy won't reject him because of this _mistake._ "I can't help everything, I'm not a professional..." _Professional?_ His mind reels with the word, thinks briefly about what Daichi must be seeing then realizes that he'd rather not. "I'll talk to someone." _Just not a professional._ The smaller boy rejects the idea of telling _Aki_ about his feelings towards her son, because while they were returned, he's not sure what she or Haruo will think because they're _family._ It's harder to breathe thinking that he'll have to return his armor along with his key if they responded unfavorable, that their love had been conditional because Kenma _loved_ him.

"For what it matters," Daichi starts while the bandages are tied off. "I don't think... I mean you-" His captain growls into a sigh, and gives him a hard look. "You love Kozume, right?" Shouyou blinks, "Kenma." He corrects, to which the older boy just rolls his eyes. "That doesn't answer the question." Shouoyu is pretty sure that wearing Kenma's volleyball jacket is clear enough a message that he loves Kenma, but he nods in confirmation for Daichi's sake. "More than anything." He laments, Daichi's lips twitch.

"More than me?" The question takes him by surprise and the younger boy almost nods. "I think it's different." He admits, but Daichi looks more amused by his reaction than his explanation, "How so?" Shouyou shrugs, "Do you love me?" Shouyou watches as the older boy's cheeks turn almost pink but there's a nod, "How so?" He jests, pulling out the older boy's tone as his own. "Like a teammate, but something more? Almost like a brother, but different than that too." Daichi continues to ramble on what it is and isn't like, but Shouyou thinks he gets the message. It should bother him more, that three captains _love_ him, all in strange, sometimes violent, ways. Knows that Daichi will never call him _mine,_ or hurt anyone because Daichi knew something the others didn't.

He loves Kenma.

Daichi doesn't ask about anything red, just tugs on his shoulders with an arm full of dead duck. "We might be a little late to practice, but Suga says he's ready to practice." The last part sound almost sad, like Daichi isn't ready while Suga-san is. "He'll do awesome, if you weren't already in business class I'd tell you to go be a doctor." Daichi laughs, and Shouyou feels a little less guilty for using the last of Daichi's bandages. "It's not too late to change, Shouyou." The smaller boy shrugs, embraces the warmth from Daichi's arm as he does. "Torono town needs a bike shop, and you're the only one who can do it." His captain gives him a skeptical look, but there's another laugh that follows. "Is that a hint for your Christmas present?" The older boy asks, sounding serious all of a sudden.

Shouyou's heart tightens at the words, had completely forgotten that holidays still went on without a family, he works a smile onto his face and offers it to Daichi. "Was it that obvious?" He laughs meekly, and the hand on his shoulder tightens like Daichi can see through him. "Do you want to go back?" Shouyou wishes he could dismiss the too serious topic, but finds all of his thoughts returning to it. "I don't miss them." He admits quietly, dragging teeth along a too loose lip. "I thought I would and I know I should, I just _don't."_ Daichi is frowning when he looks up from the concrete. "Does that make me a bad person?" He asks honestly and Daichi just shrugs.

"I dunno, it would be hard to trust them at first, and things wouldn't go back to normal, but you might find something. You said you had a sister, right?" He nods, feels her name itching against his tongue, wanting to share stupid stories about her milk drinking habits or her obsession with cartoons. The middle blocker keeps those things to himself, because those are family matters, even if he's no longer part of that one. "Do you have any siblings?" Daichi snorts loudly. "I wish I didn't." There's a laugh that isn't bitter and Shouyou shares his own. "My dad was a very... busy man." The middle blocker nods, not sure if he's happy to know something new about Daichi or uncomfortable at the wording. "Is that what knocking up means?" He asks but Daichi's hand clamps around his shoulder before he can finish talking. "Don't be crude." He sends a silent curse at Masuo for setting him up. "Sorry." He mumbles and Daichi's hand relents.

"Two sisters." His captain offers, along with a picture from his wallet. They all share Daichi's eyes and hair with differences in height and weight, but Daichi is shorter than both the girls. Shouyou laughs quietly at the fact and lets himself get smacked on the shoulder because _Daichi was the shortest._ The older boy glares down at him, Shouyou hands back the wallet with a stretched smile and the walk to school seems a little less daunting. Suga-san joins them after Daichi insists on purchasing lunch for him, Shouyou isn't really sure if having two cans of coffee is healthy, but his captain is very insistent that he'll be fine. The middle blocker is pretty sure that his captain is a liar, but lets it slide because it's not like he had made his own lunch.

"So?" Suga-san prompts with little preamble, the noise draws Shouyou out of his thoughts, all of them Kenma related one way or another. "So?" Daichi echoes, giving his vice captain a flat look that Shouyou thinks is more endearing than anything else. "Did you tell him?" The setter drawls, offering him a smile from around Daichi's chest. Shouyou smiles back, tries not to let his eyes settle on the taller boy's stomach where there's too much agony that doesn't belong to him. "About what?" He chirps, butting his hip against Daichi's making the older boy stumble in his step. With a glare, one meant as a glare but still also nice, "The training camp." Shouyou nods, "Are you excited, Suga-san?" He asks around his now limping captain, the older boy shrugs, "It'll be nice to play against stronger teams, show them what Karasuno is all about, but being on a bus with all of you guys is..." The setter trails off but he has a feeling it's for the safety of his ears rather than Suga's lack of wording.

"I think it'll be awesome!" Suga-san looks at him with a considering expression, then nods. "I think you're just excited to be back in Tokyo." Shouyou laughs, but his heart is racing too quickly for him to ask anything but, "Why do you say that?" Trying to sound as casual as possible while ignoring the fact that he's stuttering over simple words. The silver haired boy just offers him an odd smile and walks through the school gates without a word. Daichi gives him an equally unsettling smile and leads him towards the club room with a heavy hand on his neck.

It's not until he's about to change does he realize what the unsettling looks were for. Carefully, he unzips Kenma's jacket and folds it on top of his school uniform before removing his phone from the pile of fabric. There's two messages on the screen when he flicks it open.

**"Pills Shouyou."**

**"After school."**

The message, short and barely a sentence somehow manages to send chills through his entire body. _Grand King._ He thinks it might be a threat, in fact, Shouyou is almost positive that the words hold more than they say; he replies to Kenma, telling him that he's done as he's been told and nothing more. The middle blocker stares at the other message for too long, can feel the pixels starting to burn into his retinas. _After school._ Kuroo had told him to avoid Grand King, but there's nothing he can do to avoid the unavoidable. He tosses the phone back onto the pile and walks away from it but the sense of dread the message provided follows him into the gym.

He feels more aware of everything when all of his nerves are begging him to run, the extended senses hinder his ability to focus on the task he's supposed to be doing. _After school_ lingers in everything he does and Kageyama, the previous kouhai of Grand King, was not helping with his curious looks and irritated outbursts. "What the hell is wrong with you?" The taller boy asks, getting close enough to grab at his shirt and Shouyou lets him, noticing almost too late that the setter was in his face. "W-What do you mean?" He snaps back, grabbing at Kageyama's wrists as a halfhearted struggle. "You're distracted!" He doesn't have an answer to that because he was, in fact, _very_ distracted. "Sorry." He offers, but Kageyama's grip on him only tightens. "Do you even care? About being an _ace,_ about the team?" The middle blocker almost snorts in the taller boy's face because Kageyama had _no_ room to be talking about _caring._ "I do." He admits, shoving an apology in there along with his irritation.

The setter loosens his grip and shoves him back until he's on his ass, "Then focus, idiot." Kageyama stalks over to the net, waiting for him to launch the next ball; Shouyou finds his feet, wipes the taller boy's words off of his skin and grabs a ball; he tosses it as steadily as he can, and approaches the net with fear turning his feet into cement before he can jump. Too many flashes dart across his vision and Shouyou stops breathing, Kageyama's irritated rambling is lost on him, along with the fingers digging into his shoulders. The burning in his throat flares up until he's forced out of the gym to vomit in the grass; there's people calling his name but more acid seeps off his tongue before he can answer them.

"I'm fine." He mumbles when the heaving has calmed down and there's only remnants hanging off his chin, the middle blocker grabs fistfuls of grass and sighs over the pile before turning to face the entire Karasuno team, all of them with different expressions, Kageyama's stands out the most. Angry and looking like he might throw a punch that sends his head colliding with what was left of his breakfast. "I think you should go home." Suga-san suggests, grabbing onto one of his shoulders. The younger boy shakes his head, feeling both relief and denial, because both Grand King and Kuroo knew where he was staying and they would be more likely to torment him if he were alone.

"I'm fine." He echoes, pushing his feet under him until they can manage all of his trembling weight. There's protests lingering in the crowd that he should leave instead of suffering, he's pretty sure that Tsukishima said he'd fail if he showed up to class or not. The silver haired boy guides him to the club room, where he tugs on too big clothes and is left staring at Kenma's jacket; "Is Kenma that _someone_?" The older boy asks, sounding very much amused as he is concerned. Shouyou shrugs, grabs onto the folded fabric and tucks it inside of his gym bag as carefully as he can manage.

The only thing that Shouyu notices about the school day is that Kageyama refuses to speak to him unless it's to ask for answers about the bandages, the taller boy hadn't noticed the previous ones and the middle blocker was pretty sure that those ones were much more noticeable. For once, he doesn't want school to be over, even if it means dealing with Kageyama's cold shoulder or Kiyoko-senpai's stares while they share even more bread with Daichi and Suga-san.

"You should probably have more than coffee for lunch, Shouyou." Daichi chides, while handing him even more bread; the middle blockers scowls but consumes more than his fair share of the pile scattered between them. "What made them want to give you bread, Shimizu?" The manager sends a rather dark look at him before explaining that it was _Asahi_ who had given them the idea. The older boys laugh loudly but Shouyou is caught up in avoiding a staring contest with a furious manager. "Is everything ready?" Daichi asks their manager cryptically, relief flood his system when blue eyes are taken off of him to offer their captain a nod and a polite smile. "Yachi's plan worked very well, businesses all over Miyagi donated for _The Second Little Giant."_ Sarcasm oozes from Kiyoko's lips but Shouyou is caught up in her words. "The second little giant?" He mumbles, not really expecting an answer.

There's another round of laughter, Kiyoko included, "She didn't tell you?" The manager asks the same time Daichi mumbles, "How did you not see any of them?" The middle blocker blinks, stares up at the older teens in questioning. "...That's why you ran." The manager whispers too loudly for only him to have heard. _She knows_ crashes into his head with such force he's forced to glare at the dark haired girl, who just stares back, unfazed. "Ran away?" Suga-san asks, pulling their attention from each other. "I-Uh-" Shouyou isn't sure how to explain besides _Kuroo,_ and he knows that wouldn't turn out nicely for anyone. "It's nothing, just felt sick after practice." He thinks his explanation might be believable, the same thing had happened a few hours ago. Daichi sends him a frown that tells him they'll be _discussing_ this in great detail when there weren't so many ears around.

"You still need to apologize to Yachi, Shouyou." The middle blocker uses that to take his exit, giving waves to the older teens before scurrying down the stairs and into class five; the shorter girl, with hair too much like Kenma's, is in her usual seat and has a straw squirming between her lips. "Yachi?" He greets when close enough and the blond girl practically jumps out of her skin before actually jumping at him. "Shouyou! I'm so sorry- I didn't mean to- I mean, I meant to- It's just- I mean... Sorry." Shouyou is pretty sure he should be apologizing and lets himself bow to the shorter teen. "I overreacted, and Kiyoko-senpai told me that you were really worried." The manager in training tugs on her ponytail and emits an awkward laugh that draws some eyes onto them, "I thought I killed you or something, like an old movie where they steal souls with cameras or something!" She explains, scarlet dusting her cheeks in a way that makes the middle blocker feel only worse about the situation. Shouyou realizes two things, that Yachi was _not_ Kuroo, and that he is never going to the movies with her. Ever.

"It's really fine, senpai also told me about the posters." The shorter teen perks up at the item in question and tugs a tube from her bag, "I barely got the shot before you- Uh, yeah. It turned out really nice though, my mom even helped me with it!" Shouyou had met Yachi's mother twice and still found it hard to believe that the two were related. The blond girl tugs off the end of the tube and slides another tube out of it, only to unravel it slowly. Shouyuo sees black and he takes a step back. "Do you like it?" She asks and Shouyou wants to say both _yes_ and _no,_ the poster is nice to look at, but he finds that aspect also dangerous, too much darkness that makes him think of his _deal._ He smiles anyway, grabs the smaller teen in a hug while being extremely careful not to touch any of the inky darkness. "Its really awesome!" The middle blocker praises, pulling back before the manager to be gets any more red.

"Training camp is in two weeks!" She belts when he's by the door, Shouyou flinches at how loudly she tells him, but offers her another smile and a wave as he meanders back to his own classroom. The middle blocker observes his setter from the door for a moment, taking in angry eyes that refuse to land on him; he knows that the taller boy deserves an explanation, all of his teammates do, but the idea of everyone _knowing_ is too much pressure on his throat. He'll tell Kageyama about it when everything is over, and the setter would just tell him to practice and nothing more. Shouyou finds himself begging for that time to happen, and until he can work up the courage he'll have to deal with the cold shoulder until everything is over.

Practice makes his entire body tremble until he can barely receive a ball without having it fly off at awkward angles, as soon as he stepped into the gym everything voice in his head started to scream. _After school._ The time had come and he knows as soon as he leaves the safety net his team is providing, he'll be pulled into something he cannot describe and cannot name. Daichi offers to walk him home, but he refuses, knowing that _something_ would happen to Daichi if the older boy was seen with him, walking on the steps where Suga-san had been attacked. He tells Yachi that he'll be studying alone and won't be able to walk her home, the manager to be nods and offers encouragement, but the words don't reach through the dread and fear that makes his ears ring.

Shouyou slides open the door and Kageyama nudges past him, with a roll of his eyes the middle blocker locks the door, and contemplates changing out of his practice clothes. He's about to climb up too many steps when a voice like ice embodied stops him, "You've been avoiding me." Grand King's voice is not cheerful, the words are strung out flatly like the older boy can see what he's been doing. "Always leaving me behind, even when I gave you everything." The Aoba Johsai captain takes a step forward with each hissed word, Shouyou takes a step back but there's only rough patches of wall to cradle his trembling spine; Grand King's hands find their way onto his shoulders, uses them as a brace while the taller boy leans down until Shouyou can feel him breathing. "I'm sorry." He stutters into the older boy's chin, but Grand King just laughs. "No, you're not." Shouyou feels his heart freeze at the too familiar words and his mind races, "But I'll forgive you." There's a sigh of relief that he doesn't mean to let out but there's slick muscles where air should be coming in through, the older boy sinks his tongue into Shouyou's open mouth, the middle blocker winces at the unfamiliar sensation, sending his head crashing the centimeter or two between his hair and the wall.

"So out of practice, can't have that, can we?" There's another laugh, the one Grand King never uses in front of _other_ people, then there's fire under his knees and his back is shoved against a too rough wall; Shouyou sees that moment in the dark all over again, the too hot pressure digging in _there,_ the marks forcing unfamiliar crimson down his neck. The smaller boy swallows down any noise, letting himself go as still as possible in the older boy's hands. Grand King pulls back, weird strings of spit dangling from his lips, "You're not even trying, don't you love me?" _No_ is on his tongue, but Grand King is there before he can even respond, the older boy's tongue flicks at his but the sensation feels empty and distant, like _this_ is happening to someone else. He almost wishes it was.

"You might enjoy yourself more if you just give in." His thoughts of replying, telling Grand King that enjoying it all was impossible, but that same tongue, too warm for Grand King to have; Shouyou gives in, can tell in the way the older boy's hand start to grip tighter that he's getting impatient. He flicks back, feeling clumsy because he was only used to Kenma's mouth against his; his mistake cements itself when the the hand gripping his knees start to _move,_ down strained thighs until there's a palm lingering _there._ "Not hard for me, Shou-chan?" The smaller boy squirms at the words, pushing memories out of his head before they can be corrupting with Grand King's touch. _What's in between them._

"Grand King!" He groans when the hand starts to _hurt,_ the older boy growls into his ear and teeth that don't belong to him sink into his racing pulse, he can feel each too sharp lump digging into his bloodstream through the ripping crimson that seeps around the older boy's teeth. "Stop!" He wails, tossing his head against the wall again when he tries to move away. The setter pulls back, trails of too red glimmer in the dim light surrounding them, "I told you to use my name." Grand King scoots in, towards the unmarred part of his neck and Shouyou squirms away from acid breaths. "Twice now, I think." The older boy muses before the torture resumes, like iron clamping onto his bloodstream and fighting against it only makes it worse. "Say it for me, Shou-chan."

Those teeth, now damp with something he's too familiar with, linger over shoulder far enough away from the throbbing mess on his neck that the area is starting to hurt. Grand King clamps down again and Shouyou screams, "Say it and I'll make you feel _good."_ The older boy screams, sounding far different than someone with blood rubbed into their chin. His shirt is lifted before he can bring himself to say it, he shudders at the feral look on Grand King's face more than the breeze pressing into his skin. "Come on, Shou-chan, it only takes once, then you'll be screaming it forever." Shouyou has never experienced a true forever, he thought that being with Natsu and his _family_ would be that, he knows that his protector will be there forever, and he knows that Grand King will chase him forever until Shouyou is nothing more than a pawn in his pocket.

Pale incisors latch onto the loose skin above his rib cage and moist air lingers over his nipple, Grand King's voice vibrates into his body, the middle blocker can almost make out the words. _Say it._ His voice hurts as much as the bite does, but only one of them leaves leaking heat trailing into his shorts. The older boy latches onto his other side without a word, without an order and Shouyou almost relents, almost feels _Oikawa_ seep through his teeth but the damaging mouth relents, slides down at the same time too strong hands slide him up the wall. The cement digging into his back is dulled by too many rings squeezed into his skin, Grand King's face lingers just above his hip, a sticky tongue lapping at the skin before clamping down without warning. The middle blocker screams into the dark, louder when his hip bone is bitten into, but Grand King sinks even lower, tugging at his waistband until air and a too heavy gaze is lingering _there._

"Last chance."


	39. Chapter Thirty-Nine

** Chapter Thirty-Nine **

Grand King engulfs him entirely, teeth tracing around too sensitive regions until Shouyou is forced to react; squirming brings sharp edges digging under his balls and the older boy makes a noise around the twitching flesh. _Say it._ The middle blocker pushes himself back until the wall's teeth are digging into his spine but Grand King follows, clenches down until a shameful groan rasps from his throat; Shouyou's body reacts without his permission, pulling himself both towards and away from bloody, pointed edges. "Stop!" He screams, makes an attempt to push too perfect hair away from _there,_ but the pressure around his _manhood_ tightens until Shouyou screams again.

"Oikawa!" Whispered because he can do nothing more, his hands droop until they're lingering on broad shoulders. The pressure dissipates until there's only sparking air on his slicked skin, the older boy pulls back and Shouyou feels wisps of hair slide across his fingers. "Again." Snake eyes glance up at him, a merciless grin lingering under his twitching _area._ "Oikawa." He pants, a horrifying mixture of relief and terror make his entire body tremble harder in unison with the chilling blood soaking into his skin. "Say that you're mine." Grand King leans forward, bloody lips approaching his scarlet streaked genitals; Shouyou leans back, "I'm yours." There's a hum of approval that sounds more like a growl, then the older boy jerks forward until Shouyou's back is colliding with an unforgiving wall.

The older boy swallows him whole and Shouyou is almost lost without the pain radiating from Grand King's touch, spongy muscles that are sticky with blood and spit curl around him and draw vicious noises from a burning throat. He can't find any more screams, his voice feeling like a match that won't catch and Shouyou is left quiet and still; the middle blocker grabs onto the older boy's shoulders, digging into them until his fingernails start to hurt, the pain as a whole thrums throughout his entire body and allows him to disconnect from whatever is happening down there. Shouyou watches Grand King's cheeks sink in and his throat convulse, listens to distant groans that he feels more than he hears. He lets Oikawa control him.

Grand King seems to notice his change, the setter's hands stop biting into his legs and he's eased onto the cement in front of Grand King's feet. "Say it again." The words are said to his dick, blowing gusts of iron over his throbbing muscles. He wonders when that had happened, Shouyou stares at the twitching appendage, concerned because _it doesn't feel bad._ "Oikawa." He offers, not looking into snake eyes that could be mistaken for brown or at the smug smile the older boy gives him before taking him in again. The sensation is odd, like rubbing at numb skin instead of too hot lightning that floods every vein until he calls out the name of his protector. Shouyou sinks his fingers into the older boy's shoulders again when the _rubbing_ starts to affect him, grabbing onto his entire nervous system and tugging it through _there._

His body convulses and his elbows scrape against rough concrete, too large hands spread across his hips, Shouyou watches the older boy trace over still bleeding injuries with foggy disinterest. His skin doesn't feel like his skin, each touch he know is there is dulled because he knows that it will hurt to feel _everything._ The older boy's index finger finds a store of not quite red settled in the crook of his navel, Shouyou watches as his skin is traced over and can feel his nerves reacting to the touch, twitching away like he has a chance of escape; Grand King traces too familiar lines across his rib cage, the finger stops against his heart, the blood smearing into almost nothingness as the older boy finishes the last piece.

"Mine, right, Shou-chan?" Shouyou nods.

His shorts are pulled up, separating his thighs from gritty concrete and sealing off pools of spittle and substances he cannot bring himself to identify. The hem of his shirt presses into the back of his neck, keeping his contracting chest in Grand King's sight. The older boy stares down at his work and Shouyou stares down at him, "You're so beautiful like this." A comment from the older boy that Shouyou is certain he wasn't meant to hear, a second later there's a flash and the middle blocker flinches from the noise that accompanies it, "Take a look." A too bright screen pushed in front of his nose, Shouyou takes in his dazed expression, the smears of red he can see around Grand King's phone as well as on it. _Mine._ His chest reads that, too far up to be an imitation of Suga-san's. "Did you have a good time?" The taller boy looks down at him with a smile he's seen on TV. "Yes." He lies because it would be dangerous not to, he nods in additional confirmation and the screen is pulled back from his face but the corruption remains.

"I had fun too, it's a shame you didn't get me off, though." It sounds like an invitation. Shouyou doesn't accept, "Sorry?" He offers, lifting his shirt over his head to cover too many blood stains. The older boy shrugs, offers him a too big hand that still has blood on it; Shouyou accepts it, latches onto the hand the same way Grand King's eyes settle on his face. "You're just too cute for anyone, you know that?" Shouyou thinks he might, nods slowly because standing is taking too much pressure from his head. "I'll take you home." He nods again, feels his brain shifting with the motion until everything turns blurry and his legs feel heavy under him. "Same place, right?" Shouyou nods, feels almost thankful that Grand King is taking most of his weight as they walk through the path made by dim streetlights.

Once they get closer, only a street away from Daichi's house do his senses return, he rolls over the fresh events that flash across his eyes with each throbbing in his neck and chest. Suddenly, Shouyou isn't sure that returning to his _home_ in Miyagi is a good idea, isn't sure if it's safer to show Daichi his injuries or to have Grand King keep petting them. His feet are on Daichi's steps before he can make a decision and Grand King is already walking down the street, Shouyou lets out an ancient sigh and finds the door unlocked. The middle blocker tugs off sweaty shoes and almost the rest of his clothes before he decides to escape into the bathroom, the small white box is sitting beside the sink and Shouyou flicks it open with unsteady fingers. He tugs out the half-empty bottle of antiseptic and drags sizzling relief over smeared red, the box lacks gauze and bandages, but his injuries have stopped bleeding and he finds safety in a too big scarlet jacket.

 _Kenma_ presses against his back and lingers against raw skin, Shouyou tugs the sleeves over his hands and pulls the collar until it's digging into his chin. The middle blocker cleans up not-red from the bathroom sink, washes away sizzling swirls of dead skin and Grand King's touch until the small room is exactly as it had been before. He can't bring himself to shut the light off, he lets the yellow cast on the floor guide him towards his captain's open doorway and slinks inside. Double checking that nothing was showing, Shouyou allows himself to squirm under an extended arm and let the warmth drag him away the ice settled into his core.

The night is exhausting, each pulse from his body brings a sting that he can feel even in sleep and Daichi's hand is settled across where Grand King had written on him. _Mine._ His rest isn't deep enough for him to escape bloody teeth and his mind forces broken feelings into his subconscious. Shouyou dreams about Oikawa, bloody smile, that moment of _not wrong_ that felt _not bad,_ everything about the older boy makes his heart race in fear and sleeping doesn't allow him the escape he craves. His back is soaked from where it had been pressed against his captain's chest and his heart was racing from an almost unfamiliar rhythm against his, it was as soothing as it was nerve-racking and Shouyou almost felt bad when he forced himself to slide out from under the sturdy body and comforting grip.

Shouyou can feel everything when he finds his feet under him, pulsing terror and clamping teeth sinking into his skin like last night had never ended; the middle blocker works his way into the bathroom, locking the door behind him before he unzips Kenma's jacket and places it by the sink. The mirror is almost too tall for him to see the lowest part of his neck where he can still feel Grand King's breath soaking into his skin along with his bite, his fingers fill in on the places he can't see. All of the wounds are small valleys filled with blood turned black, they sting the more he thinks about them and he forces himself under a steaming stream of water where the wounds can be forgotten. Shouyou watches too many specks fall into the splashing water by his feet, witnesses the not-read streaking down his abdomen as Grand King's mark is rinsed from his skin. The message is still there, can feel each stroke of the captain's fingers lingering over his skin as well as he can each stinging bite. He stares down for a long time, taking in trembling legs along with his dick. The trembling worsens when Grand King's mouth ghosts over him with too strong teeth and an acidic tongue. _What's in between them._ Another flash had ruined him; Shouyou turns off the water.

He's careful about the towel, knows that his wounds are still fresh and he'd rather not explain anything at the moment. The walk back to Daichi's room is also something he does carefully, tugs out one of his captain's too big shirts and lets the fabric swallow up damp skin, Kenma's jacket covers his neck and back in ways that the shirt doesn't seem to. He takes in his captain's sleeping face through the dim glow from the hallway, stares at peaceful lines that are still hard, even in sleep, and wonders if Daichi ever dreams about rough hands and bloody lips. Shouyou doubts it, exits the room with and takes up residence in the kitchen, pulling out pans from the shelves just high enough for him to reach and begins to prepare breakfast and lunch.

The middle blocker stares into the fridge for a long time, staring at the last fragment of _duck._ Coming to terms with the truth was hard, knowing that something that goes _quack_ could be stored in a fridge had been close to devastating, he's not sure why he feels more sympathy for a duck than himself. _A duck can't say yes._ The last of the meat is carved into strips and seared in the same pan as the eggs and kelp, he packs the rice cooker and listens to sizzling and beeping to take his mind off of other noises. _Say it._ Shouyou remembers his screams like he had witnessed them instead of performing them, the burning from the night before had subsided but the taste of those words refused to leave. _I'm yours._

Shouyou shovels food into bowls and bentos, cleans the rice cooker and the pans slowly until they're left leaking in the dish strainer leaving Shouyou with nothing to do but eat. The middle blocker isn't sure why he finds eating more of an inconvenience than anything, he thinks it might be the trembling in his hands that force him to use a spoon or the fact that his throat burns inside and out whenever he swallows. There's time to clean his useless chopsticks, spoon and bowl by the time Daichi comes into view. "Good morning." The older boy offers and Shouyou returns the greeting with a nod, offering his captain a bowl full of eggs and rice.

"You're not wearing pants." Daichi comments, working a pesky egg fragment between his chopsticks only to drop it for a third time; Shouyou shrugs, "I'm not." He agrees, pulling the not empty bowl from in front of Daichi and cleans it quickly, letting it sit with the drying pans. "Is there a reason your butt is pressing against my shirt?" Daichi raises an eyebrow when the middle blocker sends him a look, "I could be wearing underwear." The other boy stares at him and Shouyou wonders why wearing a white shirt was a good idea. "It's not like anyone's here."

"Just my parents." _Parents, as in more than one._ "What's your mom like?" He doesn't remember a time where he's ever asking Daichi about the people that live here as well. "Uh-Mom-like, I guess?" A shrug accompanies the answer, Shouyou frowns, "Did she secretly get your aunt to put drugs in your food and then ignore you for six years?" The middle blocker watches his captain's body jerk at his words, Shouyou isn't sure where the bitter tone had come from and almost apologizes but Daichi just shrugs. "Maybe not drugs, but she used to be really sneaky about putting vegetables in my dessert." The middle blocker laughs before he can help it, offers his captain an awkward smile. "You always yell at the team for not eating their vegetables." Daichi scoffs, cross his arms with a pout.

"I don't yell, I _suggest."_

"Didn't you punch Tanaka-senpai for refusing to eat his carrots?"

Daichi waves his hand, "Semantics." Shouyou blinks, not really sure what to make of the unfamiliar word. "Ready for work?" The younger boy pouts at the question, "But I'm not wearing pants." The older boy shrugs, locks himself in the bathroom and Shouyou is pretty sure that he can hear water running. The middle blocker heads back into Daichi's room, drags his gym bag open and pulls open his phone. There's a number of messages on his phone but Shouyou opens Kenma's first.

 **"Take your pills."** And nothing more, he pouts at the cracked screen between his fingers, types out a greeting to the older boy before moving on. The next one is from Yamaguchi, offering to buy him breakfast and Shouyou isn't really sure what to make of the message, he contemplates if declining would be more rude than accepting but settles on questioning the boy's motives. The pinch server's reply is too instant for Shouyou's comfort, the taller boy _insisted_ on doing so. Without much choice, Shouyou agrees and offers the boy thanks. Yachi's message is next, offering to reschedule their tutoring session along with six apologizes in that message alone, the middle blocker agrees to that as well, asking the manager to be what time would be best.

Shouyou doesn't open the last message, lets his trembling fingers throw the plastic back into his gym bag and tugs on shorts without looking into the container again. Curiosity and dread swim make his feet fumble as he makes to stand and Shouyou almost gives in to the urge to _know;_ he thinks it might be another promise, another moment against a wall with too big hands pinning him and brown eyes analyzing his every thought. Daichi stalks past him, an irritated expression on his face as he does. Shouyou watches the older boy, lets dripping water take his attention away from the stinging on his sides. "That was fast." That irritated expression is directed at him, "My dad decided to do his laundry as I was in the middle of showering." The middle blocker nods, not really sure how that's relevant. "It uses up all the hot water." Shouyou takes in the goosebumps covering dripping skin and laughs at the older boy's misfortune; Daichi glares at him, only relenting to pull on a shirt.

They run into Masuo when they're about to leave, the older man snickers wickedly around a mouthful of eggs before thanking him for the breakfast; he offers the older man a nod, surpressing a smile because he's pretty sure he can hear Daichi's teeth grinding get progressively louder for each second Masuo continues speaking. The older boy tugs him through the front door after Shouyou makes a point of staying to continue the conversation, even if he doesn't find it particularly interesting. "So what is it that they do?" He hadn't exactly been listening when he had asked Masuo himself. Daichi shrugs, "I _think_ they sell farm equipment through an office in the city." Shouyou almost comments that after eighteen years of living with the same parents that the older boy should know exactly what his parents did. Instead, he lets the older boy lead him down the road, kicking up rocks until his captain decides to stop being annoyed with his dad.

Daichi leads him past the plucked pea plants, towards a building that Shouyou hasn't noticed before. Sending an expectant look at his captain, the older boy starts to explain, "This is a stable, there's animals in there." Shouyou swallows loud enough for Daichi to notice, "No ducks?" He squeaks, almost terrified that _this_ is where their lunches had come from for all these weeks. The older boy chuckles, Shouyou thinks it might sound more menacing than intended. "No ducks." The older boy confirms, sliding open a wooden door and stepping into the darkness without hesitation, something that Shouyou wishes he didn't admire. The middle blocker waits by the door, letting early sunlight warm up his back while Daichi rummages around in the stable.

Patches of light show up on the ground in random intervals until Shouyou can almost make out Daichi's form shifting around in the building in front of him. Too many shadows are squirming around for him to stand still and the dark haired boy backs up a step, more patches of light spread across the ground and walls until Shouyou can make out the floor and the shape of Daichi's head; he takes a step forward, into the dim building and inhales dust and what he thinks might be poop. "Windows." He notices, looking at each hole in the wall that allows faint beams to spread across the inside of the stable. Shouyou takes another step forward and someone breathes loudly against his ear, he jumps back expecting a person not an animal, "A horse?" He asks the sniffling beast, Daichi hums in agreement appearing beside him with a big hand to rub at the thing's fuzzy brown nose. "They're kind of scary up close." Daichi gives him a look at his comment then drops his hand from the horse's face, only to snatch his up and force it onto course fur. It twitches under his hand and Shouyou is pretty sure the beast's breathing is getting as frantic as his.

"I think she likes you." The older boy comments but Shouyou is more focused on not meeting the horse's eyes. "Does it have a name?" Watches as his captain rolls his eyes instead of the too big eyes of the animal in front of them. " _Her_ name is Kasshoka." Shouyou rolls his eyes at the name, gives the fuzzy brown nose a pet in sympathy for having a terrible name and moves to the next enclosure while Daichi pours a bucket of something into the cage Kasshoka is trapped in. "What's your name?" He asks to the next cage housing a white horse, brighter than Shouyou thinks should be possible when the creature lives in a cage of dirt. "Shiro." The middle blocker lets out a long sigh he doesn't think he deserves and gives _Shiro_ a pet on his too white nose while Daichi pours another bucket into the cage. The last cage holds a horse as well, it takes him a while to notice the creature when compared to the other two, its head barely reaching over the edge of the cage. "Hiyake, I guess?" He asks with dripping disapproval, the older boy scoffs out a laugh, "Daichi, actually."

Shouyou blinks, then cackles loudly until he's forced to use _Daichi's_ cage as a support. "Why'd you name a horse after yourself?" He asks, dodging the swipe his captain makes at his head, the older boy sighs loudly, pouring another bucket into _Daichi's_ cage. "My dad did it." The older boy mumbles something as he walks away, tossing the bucket onto the dusty floor and moving towards the exit. Shouyou follows quickly and watches the older boy push the door closed. "Are they new?" He asks once they're walking away from the stable, Daichi nods, "Got them in a trade." The middle blocker frowns, not really sure how to feel about trading lives, especially for beings that can't say _no._

"They're kind of cute." _Only a little,_ he admits to himself, letting his feet fall into step with Daichi's. The older boy glances down at him, smirk crooked in his direction, "I thought you said they were, and I quote, _scary."_ Shouyou shrugs, he had found Kenma scary at first but then fell harder than he had any right to. He doesn't tell Daichi that. His captain leads them back to the house and very carefully throws himself into the bathroom to have a _real_ shower; Shouyou waits in the older boy's room, staring at his bag with a feeling of unfinished business. He knows that ignoring the issue that was Grand King would only make it worse. Each time he had ignored the older boy for extended periods of time bad things happened. Shouyou had a feeling that the intervals for Grand King's _outbursts_ would grow shorter and shorter until everyday became one remember with scars and _mine._

The older boy's text is innocent enough, bidding him good morning and nothing else, Shouyou expected a paragraph of threats and promises to be kept; pulling a response out of himself is hard, too frightened to say the wrong thing, indefinitely more terrified to not respond at all. The middle blocker ends up sending an echoed greeting and throws the plastic back into his bag before Grand King's teeth can sink into his hand. Daichi returns sometime later and the excess terror must show on his face because the older boy is suddenly dripping on him, asking him too many questions at once. He nods where needed, tries to confirm that he's not dying but his voice won't catch in his throat. His captain relents after a too long moment of staring and offers him a tight smile that Shouyou forces himself to return. "I have to get something before we go to school." Daichi's face is guarded but curious, the older boy nods without a word, tugging on sleeves and buttoning his shirt.

Daichi carries all of their lunches as Shouyou leads him past stained cement and offers him a place on the bench where the bus would stop soon. The middle blocker can feel his captain's eyes on him, but he ignores the gaze in favor of staring at the big mechanical monster headed towards them; Kiyoko-san steps off of the bus, pushes her big book into her bag and she stares at them, he pulls the older boy onto the bus before the door squeak shut, barely allowing his captain to offer greeting to their manager. The ride seems longer with Daichi next to him instead of Kiyoko, he's not sure how to explain in but eventually the tires squeal to a stop where they usually do and he leads his captain off of the bus and towards a pair of cement steps. The older boy's questions start to make him nervous the closer they get to Sato's apartment, warnings about bringing people _here_ ringing at the same time Daichi warns him the danger of travelling to strange places without warning. Daichi's eyes catch on the dog chain as he tugs it out of his gym bag, he waves it in front of the older boy's face for a moment before shoving it into the lock.

Shouyou shoves the door open and leaves it that way, neither inviting Daichi in or telling him to keep away, but he can feel his captain enter the room and sense his curiousness from across the room. Bright orange is tugged from his other bag, he offers his only photograph to his captain while he grabs a glass of water; when he returns, now medicated as well as hydrated, Daichi's shoulders are shaking and Shouyou is pretty sure that the older boy will start crying if any words are exchanged. Instead, he leads the bigger boy out of Sato's apartment, locking the door behind him and offers the key chain to him. "Natsu bought this." Shouyou watches his captain blink, eyelashes bunching together with restrained moisture.

"I heard that crying is healthy." Daichi snorts mucus and amusement back into his sinuses. "If Noya and Tanaka ever saw that, if _Suga_ ever saw that-" The older boy doesn't continue, offers him a shrug instead of an explanation. Shouyou rolls his eyes, already feeling lucid from the recent medication. "They'd think, _wow, Daichi isn't a robot."_ Daichi flinches at his words and Shouyou smiles as an apology, "I can't believe captain has more than one emotion." He whispers to the older boy behind his hand, Daichi chuckles into his fist and attempts to give him a hard look that the middle blocker ignores. "Who told you that?" Daichi asks quietly, once the bus jerks into motion. "TV, I think?" The older boy laughs, but nods to himself. "I don't think I need to anymore, but... I'll uh, keep that in mind?" He's not really sure why Daichi is making this _weird,_ the older boy had seen him cry, had seen him naked and covered in bites -some his own, most not- Daichi had even treated his friend's stab wounds without reacting. "It's okay to be human, especially around me and Suga-san." His captain frowns at the mention of his best friend and Shouyou leans forward, offering support as best he can.

"I've always been the strong one, there for him whenever he was lonely and stuff." Daichi swallows loud enough for Shouyou to hear every movement in the other boy's throat, "I always thought he would... grow out of it, I guess, but I never did." The middle blocker nods, grabs onto the older boy's hand when it moves to rub at his face. Daichi's hand squeezes his before he continues speaking, "Sometimes, he just _shows up,_ already crying and I'm not sure what to do. I hate seeing that." Shouyou is pretty sure that there's more to it than that, but doesn't push; His captain how he and Suga had met in the same middle school, how he had _accidentally_ threw a kid off of a slide because they called Suga names. The middle blocker laughs along with his captain, feeling closer and farther away with every admission, wishing that he could see these interactions the same way Daichi does, with fondness instead of heartbreak. Daichi stops talking when the bus pulls to a halt, he waits for the older to wipe his face before they step off of the bus steps, they walk down the street quietly and Shouyou is content to think about nothing of consequence.

"Is that where you go when-?" Shouyou nods and hates the relief that crosses Daichi's face, "Guess you just get lonely then?" The middle blocker swallows, suppresses the ghosting sensation of ripping his own skin off because of how _alone_ he was. "Something like that." He offers and the older boy falls silent with nod; they make it to the club room but the entrance is blocked by what he assumes to be the entire team. "You're late, Daichi-san." One of the second-years comments, Shouyou isn't really sure of his name and decides to tuck himself against Daichi's side lest the guy try to _talk_ to him. "Sorry-sorry, I had an errand to run." His captain's hand settles on his shoulder and the older boy guides him towards the locked door everyone is congregated around. Shouyou follows the path that Daichi sets for him, tugging him away from the club room door so the other's could get inside, he's pretty sure that's just a _captain_ thing. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima are the last ones in line but they do not enter the door and Shouyou finds himself in a staring contest with the taller boy before the blond shoves something in his direction. Shouyou stares at the _something._

"Coffee?" He questions, slightly shocked that cups could get this big, the other middle blocker makes a disgruntled noise and forces the cup between Shouyou's smaller hands. His fingers are unable to wrap around the container and he was pretty sure that his hands were going to fall off if he continued to carry it. "It's breakfast." Yamaguchi explains, waving from beside Tsukishima; Shouyou stares at the taller boys, then with great hesitation, he bows to them. "Thank you very much?" Yamaguchi's cheeks flush with color but a twisted giggle follows him into the club room, Tsukishima follows after giving him a disgusted noise.

"That was odd?" Daichi says after relinquishing the cofee's weight from his fingers, Shouyou hums in agreement. "Very odd." He affirms and guides the older boy, who is now sniffing at his _breakfast,_ into the club room. "It doesn't _smell_ poisoned." The older boy laughs, Shouyou smiles but lets it drop while he takes another glance in Tsukishima's direction. The other middle blocker, Shouyou notices, never looks completely innocent, even tugging on his practice jersey something about the taller boy is unsettling. He finds it oddly difficult to take off Kenma's jacket and finds his entire body shuddering in chills as he stares at the crimson fabric nestled in his hands, the middle blocker doesn't finish changing, pretending to be busy adjusting things in his bag. Only when the club room door falls silent does he drag his captain's shirt off his bag and pulls on a shirt his size.

After a long moment of struggling, Shouyou realizes that these collars are too _low,_ every deed that Grand King had done to his throat was clearly visible and would be more so when he stepped into the gym. There's no excuse to be made, no wild animals to blame and he's pretty sure that wearing his club jacket would look even more strange than bite marks on his neck. When he makes his way out of the club room the urge to run makes his legs itch, he doesn't give in, forces himself to push in through the gym doors until he's standing on the edge of the court. The middle blocker is certain, in that moment, that the world freezes for a few seconds until everything is racing to catch up. The teammates that he's close with are crowding him immediately, firing questions spoken too quickly for Shouyou to understand; Daichi is forced to break apart the crowd with thundering claps of his hands, "Keep it until after practice."

There's grumbling but the group relents, returning to the court and Shouyou is left staring up at his captain. "We'll be talking about this." He's not sure what Daichi's tone is but he thinks he can hear as much anger is there is sadness, the older boy drags him onto the court by his shoulder, deft fingers ignoring his exposed injuries. His captain's eyes don't shift from him for the duration of practice, he ends up practicing solely with the older boy, the others being ordered away by their captain except Kageyama, who just glares at him until practice is over.

Daichi returns half of his coffee when practice over, the middle blocker stares at the older boy, perplexed. "How did you-?" There's a chuckle that smells like creamer before the older boy disappears, "Lunch?" Shouyou nods, not really sure how his captain can go from murderous to happy so quickly; he takes sips of the half bitter liquid between his attempts at studying and his hands are cramping and shaking. The middle blocker makes a quick stop before heading up to the third years' floor.

"Yamaguchi!" He calls from too close and the taller boy flinches, "U-uh, Shouyou-kun?" The middle blocker nods, "I just really, really wanted to thank you for breakfast! Even if it was just coffee, you ever notice how Kageyama always has the same thing for breakfast?" Tsukishima snorts, "Where did you get it from? Speaking of get, do you ever get the vibe that Tsukishima is like, a secret murderer or something? He always has this  _face_ like he's about to do something." Yamaguchi laughs until there's green tea dripping from his nostrils, Shouyou offers the taller boy a smile and then makes his way towards the door, "Anyway, I gotta go, bye!" The middle blocker waves himself off and darts up the stairs until he's leaning against Daichi's desk. 

The mood drops as soon as his captain's eyes land on him, the older boy leans until Shouyou is able to count the hairs poking out of Daichi's scrunched up chin. "Who?" His blood starts to pump into his ears instead of his heart, his eyes dart towards Suga-san, who is keeping his distance but obviously listening intently. "Are you sure-- here, I mean?" His captain nods jerkily. "I can't tell you..." He tries but the older boy grabs onto his wrist and squeezes it. "Who?" Lower and right into his face. Shouyou shakes his head, make a feeble attempt at tugging his hand away but Daichi's grip clenches harder.

"You need to tell me." 

The grip loosens after that, he knows that it isn't by mistake and takes a step back. "I will." Daichi nods once to him and then to Suga-san. The silver haired boy shoves his desk against Daichi's and they share a tense quiet until Kiyoko arrives, offering greeting by throwing bread at each of them. "Thanks, Shimizu-san." Suga offers, ripping open melon bread and eating like nothing was  _wrong._ Shouyou supposed, for the silver haired boy, that nothing was wrong in that moment, they had friends, food and were all of them pointedly ignoring that  _mine_ that has settled over each one of them. The middle blocker settles against Suga-san's legs, wishing everything would just stop, that he could take back the moment he had said  _yes,_ so Daichi would speak to him again.

The silver haired setter forces ripped up bread into his mouth and Shouyou lets him, not really sure how else to react; the older boy smiles down at him, "You need to eat more." Shouyou sighs, tired of people focusing on trivial things like that. Suga feeds him until lunch is over, Shouyou is thankful for the distraction from Daichi's contempt more than anything and quickly makes his way downstairs without a word. The rest of the day passes in a blur of emotions, the middle blocker is unable to comprehend any of them until he's cradled on a sofa that smells like noodles and blood. The apartment is lonely, more so when he can hear the lives of people around him from the window looming over the couch. He knows his guilt is earned, knows that when Daichi offered to listen that he should have taken it; the entire team is tense, scared of Suga-san's mysterious injuries and confused at Kageyama's silence.  _All my fault,_ he realizes eventually, tugging Kenma's jacket against the chill piercing through warm autumn air. 

As much as he wants to blame  _anyone_ else, Shouyou knows that if he were gone that everything would go back to normal. There would be no  _mine,_ no captain worrying too much, no setter drawing on him with his own blood, no reason for anyone to fear the shadows.  _No Kenma._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the late chapter, I just really wanted to close up some loose ends. Next chapter or ten will be covering the training camp; also, if you haven't noticed, the time line is fucked up.


	40. Chapter Forty

**Chapter Forty**

Daichi, Shouyou finds out, is a terrible tutor, the older boy does more sighing than teaching and the middle blocker eventually gives up on his quest for an adequate grade. He remains in Daichi's study area as the other boy stalks off, grumbling something he doesn't pay attention to; Shouyou stares at his page of rewritten notes, all of them, as Yachi had told him, were _perfectly concise._ Ink stares up at him, the words having lost meaning about two hours ago. He runs through every piece of advice that Yachi has given him in the past week, tries to drag all the information and _rituals_ to the working part of his brain; when nothing shows up, the middle blocker allows his head to fall onto his notes with a drawn out sigh. For Shouyou, not passing meant not seeing Kenma _and_ no volleyball, those thoughts alone drives him into another hour long study session where he learns that pronouncing English is too difficult when his muscles are barely responding.

Eventually, he tucks himself under Daichi's heavy arm, lets the older boy guide him into sleep full of numbers and words he doesn't remember while dreaming. Daichi is awake before he is, can only tell by the absence of warmth draping across his chest; Shouyou swallows dry pills and decides to look for his captain instead of staring at too much orange. He finds the older boy in the kitchen, shoving fish into an already sizzling pan, "Morning." He offers quietly but the older boy still jumps when he speaks. "Good morning." Daichi nods, flicking over a pre-breaded fish-sticks until they're pull the stove into smoke. "Brain food." The older boy mutters, stabbing at the screaming concoction that he assumes is his captain's attempt at making breakfast. "Are you feeling alright?" Shouyou questions, taking in the unsettling pan and his captain's jittery shoulders. "Just a little worried for everyone today, it'll be difficult to manage everyone on the team if everyone fails." The older boy explains with a flick of a greasy spatula, Shouyou frowns, "Everyone will be fine." He asserts, watching as his captain takes in a big breath before letting it out slowly. "Everyone will be fine." The other boy echoes, Shouyou repeats it back, watching as the pan full of mush is divided between two bowls.

He waits for Daichi to take the first bite and contemplates throwing the _meal_ out of the window when his captain isn't looking, the older boy grimaces as a spoonful of _something_ lands on his tongue and Shouyou is pretty sure that he can see green splotching on his captain's cheeks. "Good?" He teases and the older boy takes time to glare at him before taking the two bowls towards the window, they make a gross slopping sound as they land on the grass outside but Shouyou ignores that in favor of cleaning up his captain's mess.

"It was hard my first time too." He offers and the older boy pauses in scraping the last of his mess out the window, "It wasn't my first time." Shouyou snorts into his arm, biting on his lip to avoid getting hit. "Good thing I'm here, right?" The question is weird coming out of his mouth, the idea that he wasn't as much of a burden as he felt like was an interesting one, he knows that he _is_ a burden but doing something to pay back his captain was something he was oddly drawn to. The older boy shrugs, waving a still smoking pan as he speaks, "Saves money, I guess." The answer is noncommittal, he can tell from his captain's tone, but it makes him feel important, if only for a moment. Not that Daichi needs to know that.

Suga-san is outside of Daichi's house when he opens the front door and Shouyou takes a step back, swallowing hard. "Are you okay?" The silver haired boy asks him, silver bangs flopping in one direction with a tilt of the older boy's head. Shouyou nods, ignoring the memories tugging him back to _that_ morning; Suga's nod exposes a sympathetic tilt of his lips and the middle blocker tries to smile back, "Daichi made breakfast." He offers when they fall into a too quiet silence on Daichi's porch. The setter's face twists into discomfort, Shouyou isn't sure if it's because the taller boy has witnessed any of Daichi's previous attempts at cooking or if he had been dragged back to that night. "Brain food?" Suga-san guesses with a knowing smirk, the middle blocker laughs, jumping down the stone steps until he's standing in front of the older boy. "I'm pretty sure he put frozen fish sticks in there, Suga-san, it was terrible." He ws over protein bars and cans of coffee, Shouyou nods, feeling quite proud of all the studying he's actually done. "Daichi helped me study, Yachi too!" Suga-san makes another face at Daichi's name, "Daichi-san never helps _me_ study." They look back at their captain, who's mumbling incoherently into his breakfast and gives them a glare when the taller boy finally notices their staring. "Really?" He asks, dragging his eyes away from his pouting captain and onto Suga-san's smile. "Not since we were kids." The older boy confirms, Shouyou stares at both of them thoughtfully for a moment, wondering not for the first time, if he and Kenma would end up like Daichi and Suga, best friends that share everything and walk to class together, talking about poorly made breakfast and laughing. He texts his protector, wishing him luck on his tests only for Kenma to tell him that he didn't study. At all. Shouyou isn't really sure what to make of that or of Kenma's uncaring attitude about his studies, he offers the older boy his love and some more luck on his exams.

hispers conspiratorially, the older boy laughs and Shouyou is glad to find there's no wince to follow.

"Are you ready for your tests?" The setter ask

Their group splits up at the stairs and, for some reason, the middle blocker is feeling nervous about pieces of paper and a pencil. Shouyou pauses in front of the door to his class and lets himself take a deep breath, he's pretty sure that he can smell tears inside the classroom, letting go of the urge to text Kenma or call for Daichi, he steps into the classroom and takes his seat without a word to anyone. The classroom is as quiet as the hallway had been, the silence forces his body into awkward alertness and Shouyou is almost relieved when the teacher walks in after too many bounces of his leg. "Remain seated." The teacher, his spit bearded mathematics teacher, coughs before continuing. "These exams will be thirty minutes each, they will partially determine your class placement next year, so be _careful_." He can't find in it himself to laugh at the spittle that lands in the guys beard, his legs are refusing to relent on their attempt to shove his knees through the desk and his fingers won't take a proper grip on his pencil.

"You may begin." The rush of pencils scratching against paper forces his spine into erectness and Shouyou glances down at the paper in front of him, uncomprehending of every question. He supposes he should have expected this, should have known that there would be more than just _studying_ to get him a good grade. _Romanji._ He curses the stupid adaptation of his language and taps his eraser against question one, wondering if not answering the questions would get him more remedial classes than just guessing them wrong. On a whim, the middle blocker decides to make a solid attempt at learning Romaji during the next twenty-seven minutes, the next three minutes are filled with frantic answers he's not sure will even match the questions. The process continues, odd minutes filled with deciphering meaningless words and then random answers, his only break is during his mathematics exam, even if some of the equations are beyond him, Shouyou manages to finish that one in half the time allotted and spends the rest of that time wondering how badly he had failed his other exams.

The entire school is dismissed through the intercom after the final exams are taken up, he waits by the entrance for Daichi and Suga, the older boys are talking about the difficulty of a question when they finally walk through the front doors. "They're preparing our gym for a practice ceremony." Daichi informs when the three of them end up walking away from the gym instead of toward it, "That sucks." The middle blocker mutters, dragging his cell phone from his gym bag and praying that it will ring; Shouyou doesn't bring up the fact that he couldn't read the majority of the tests and tries really hard not to look like he had just wasted the last three weeks of his life. Daichi leads them back to his house, Suga-san joining them with promises that prayer will keep his perfect GPA alive, he's pretty sure that saying a few words will not help him learn to read a useless language, but doesn't disagree because he's happy to have the silver haired boy around. Suga insists that they teach their captain how to cook after Shouyou spends the entire walk home staring at his cell phone, pleading quietly for it to make a noise, he agrees, if only because his eyes are starting to strain. The setter leads them into Daichi's kitchen and starts giving captain a lecture on the necessities of _expert kitchen awareness,_ Shouyou is pretty sure that there's more to this exercise than just helping their captain learn how to make breakfast but he's unable to think of anything substantial; they share laughs at Daichi's failed attempts at making proper ommelettes and the middle blocker is left with a strange, unknown feeling throughout the entire experience.

Their journey to help Daichi learn to make eggs is cut short when the taller boy _drops_ the last egg on the floor, uncooked. Suga-san laughs, slinging an arm around their captain's shoulders before leading him out of the smoking kitchen. The three of them settle in Daichi's study area and Shouyou is the only one _not_ studying, he's not really sure what to make about the fact that exams had _just_ finished and the older boys were already opening their books again. The middle blocker is pretty sure that he doesn't want to be a third year if it meant more studying until the sun goes down and then to keep going; he leaves the older boys to themselves, deciding that he'd rather study the inside of Daichi's fridge instead of snooping on Suga-san's _advanced mathematics that aren't that difficult._

He decides to text Kenma before his hands are covered in soy sauce and grease, the reply is almost instant, offering support with simple words. _Are you okay?_ Shouyou would like to think so, but his brain is melting and his hands are shaking in ways they shouldn't be; he thinks they should be worse, that he should scream or cry because Grand King had ripped him open and used _that_ word. His theory on Kuroo definitely being the one to come _here_ was looking more and more hazy as he recalls his interaction with the Aoba Johsai captain, Kuroo had never made him bleed, the dark haired boy had only made him terrified of the dark. Shouyou thinks about the laugh, _barking_ _laugh,_ one that belongs to Kuroo, the middle blocker returns to square one.

 **"I miss you"** Being honest with Kenma is easy, forcing himself to offer the truth to the older boy is much more difficult when he can't express every apology that he knows he should, the older boy's mood seems to shift with his words, the setter starts to ask questions about his day and says another few words that make Shouyou's heart beat a little faster. **"I love you."** Shouyou knows that, knows that love is the only way that someone like Kenma would put up with him for so long. He tells Kenma about his dinner making process and about his captain's inability to cook, the older boy texts him a picture of a cat eating a flower in return and tells him that he and the cat share a resemblance; Shouyou stares at the pixel bound feline while he prepares strips of something he's pretty sure is cow, he tells Kenma that he doesn't see the resemblance. The setter calls him _salty,_ which he still doesn't understand, and then gives his goodbye. He's not sure if it's worse knowing that he would see Kenma tomorrow or not when the older boy says goodbye.

He finishes preparing the rest of the meal as quickly as possible, knowing that the sooner his stomach was full the sooner he could go to sleep. Masuo walks through the door as soon as he finishes making what could be a salad if it weren't covered in ranch, there's another set of footsteps following him that makes Shouyou look up before he wants to. Daichi's dad smiles at him, leads his mysterious echoing footsteps towards the kitchen until the middle blocker can finally see who it is. "This's Honoka, sweetheart that's _Shouyou."_ He stares at the woman half hidden by Masuo's form, her head peaks over the top of his and Shouyou can just make out the brown of her hair in the almost dark house. He bows as lowly as the burning in his sides will let him, "Thank you very much for letting me stay here." Honoka moves out from behind Masuo, grabs the older male's hand in hers before replying. "I thought you said he had red hair?" Shouyou is caught between laughing and screaming, an odd sensation that forces a tight smile onto his lips; Honoka looks down at him with narrowed brown eyes and Shouyou pretends not to notice while he finishes making a meal with nowhere to put it. "Well, I reckon we'll just get over it soon as we taste his cooking." Shouyou is pretty sure that comment was supposed to be half a joke, he offers her the last moment of his smile and then pulls the meat and salad off the counter.

Daichi looks up when he returns to the table, looks around the two serving dishes and towards his parents, Shouyou almost trips when the older boy makes a face. The middle blocker settles the two dishes onto the table, and rushes off for chopsticks and water, he's pretty sure, even as an unwanted house guest, that he shouldn't be making all the dinner preparations but he finds comfort in having something to do besides ignore the stares that Daichi's parents are giving him. He's almost tired by the time he's able to sit down between captain and vice-captain, the older boys offer him thanks while Daichi's parents just start eating without a word; Shouyou's not sure which is worse, the pregnant silence or the moment where Masuo and Honoka decide to ask questions with ranch trailing down their lips. Beside him, Suga-san holds a laugh in a mouthful of salad and Daichi sighs something far too ancient, even for a third year.

"So, you play on the team with these'uns?" Shouyou nods, pretty sure that if Daichi had mentioned him before that the subject of volleyball was quick to follow, "A'int you supposed to be tall to play?" For a moment, he almost considers throwing the table on top of them and leaving, the thoughts ebb when someone's hand lands on his back but they still linger and make his blood feel warmer. "I may be small, but I can jump." The words lack the enthusiasm they would usually garner, Daichi's parents share a look, then stare at him as a beast with four eyes. "I had to jump once." Masuo replies cryptically, Daichi's breath catches on another sigh and Shouyou has a bad feeling about what's going to happen next. Story time happens next, a very boring tale about how Masuo had to jump off of the horse named Daichi and Shouyou is left with the urge to fall asleep before he can finish his salad. Honoka offers her own jumping story, three sentences about how she had to jump from a car that wouldn't stop and Shouyou actually wants to know more but the woman refuses to say more than she already has.

Dinner falls into just eating sounds, he pretends not to notice that the two boys munching in his ears are somehow quieter than the other side of the table; he offers to clean the dishes, but Honoka is very insistent that Daichi does them and that Suga-san helps him, which leaves him alone with Daichi's parents. He thinks, not for the first time, that jumping out of the window would be an excellent solution to this problem. "So, can you tell us why you're stayin' here?" He's not entirely sure what the purpose of Honoka's question, he's certain that Daichi had told them everything that had happened. "I got kicked out." Honoka frowns, something tells him she's more disappointed in him than the actions of his mother. "Right." Masuo drawls but the middle blocker is still distracted by the ranch on the older man's face.

"You ain't Yakuza, are ya?" The older man asks after a too short silence, Shouyou is pretty sure he hears a dish dropping in the kitchen but he's too busy suppressing the urge to laugh at the question. "No?" He offers, Honoka's head tilts unfavorably, "No?" She questions, and Shouyou nods, not really sure if he's handling this situation correctly. "Well, I reckon that's a good thing." Shouyou is pretty sure he doesn't have to _reckon_ that not being a Yakuza is a good thing, he nods slowly and the people across the table offer small smiles. "That was a damn good meal but we gotta get to bed." He waves to Daichi's parents as they disappear down the hallway, presumably towards their bedroom.

Shouyou makes his way into the kitchen and decides to watch the older boy's scrub egg residue off of the stove instead of helping them. "Sorry about them." Daichi mutters to a stain, his words almost muffled by his violent scrubbing. "It's fine." He knows that even if the opposite were to be true, there wasn't much he could do about it while staying under their roof. The older boy nods, continuing to scrub his stove with increasing fervor, Shouyou turns his attention to Suga-san, who is already staring at him, and offers the older boy a smile. "Dinner was good, Shouyou." The older boy praises, "If only your skill could help our student." Daichi huffs, throwing his sponge onto the stain that won't come up. Shouyou shrugs, "I'm sure our captain will get it one day." He commends with a smile directed towards the dark haired boy.

With the kitchen mostly clean, Daichi leads the way back to the table and starts digging through a textbook. Suga-san smiles, offering him a place on his lap while they talk about finances, the middle blocker accepts the seat but zones out when the setter starts talking about income taxes. Suga-san stops explaining each line of text at one point, Shouyou isn't sure when, his consciousness only reviving long enough to notice that they're on a different page. The older boys finally decide to stop studying when he decides to cover both of their text books with his body, Daichi half carries him to the bathroom with an order to brush his teeth before he goes to sleep; the middle blocker complies, lets foamy toothpaste wash over his teeth and tongue until all he can taste is mint. Suga-san makes to leave once Daichi leads him to the bedroom but he's across the room in a second, stopping the older boy from taking another step by grabbing onto his shirt.

Suga-san turns back to him, a weird look on his face that Shouyou can't identify, "Yes, Shouyou?" The other boy prompts, his tone teasing enough to draw a flush onto the middle blocker's cheeks. "Stay." He says, almost pleading but not quite. The older boy smiles down at him, "I don't know, that futon is _pretty_ uncomfortable." Suga laughs but is easily led towards their captain's bedroom, he pushes the older boy onto the mattress where Daichi is already settled. Their captain looks surprised but shrugs, shifting an extra centimeter back until the three of them can squeeze onto the bed. Shouyou finds his drowsiness returning quickly when he can feel Suga-san's heartbeat against his back, a combination of knowing that the older boy is safe and the lamp light keeping him from the dark allows him to fall into blank safety.

He wakes up with two left hands cradled over his chest, both of them, thankfully, are far enough away from any bruising that he doesn't notice any additional stinging. Suga-san mumbles something into his hair that Shouyou can't hear, the youngest boy settles again, content to wait for the older boys to get up while he stares at the glowing clock on Daichi's nightstand. The middle blocker is pulled away from his staring after an hour, both of the hands on his stomach, leaving to cover up heavy yawns and morning breath, he takes the new freedom to put his feet on the ground and works his way into a handful of orange. The pills slide down dryly but Shouyou hardly notices because today would be the day he sees Kenma again. He watches Suga-san extract himself from Daichi's bed and offers the older boy a smile when half closed eyes settle onto him, the gesture isn't returned as the older boy makes to leave the bedroom.

The setter returns a handful of seconds later, carrying three cans that Shouyou is pretty sure will be their breakfast, the older boy hands him one and takes a sip from another. He offers his vice-captain a small boy and the taller boy winks at him, tossing the spare can into the air a few times before launching it at their captain's body. The lump of hoarded blankets groans in agony and Shouyou laughs so hard that coffee trickles down his chin, the blankets shift to reveal a displeased Daichi who glares at both of them before shifting to grab the object thrown at him. The coffee opens with a hiss and the middle blocker watches, with slight concern, as the older boy drains the entire can without stopping. "I think he might have a problem." Suga comments, draping an arm across his shoulders in a way that Shouyou wishes he could be comfortable with, his muscles twitch with each shift of the older boy's weight but the arm doesn't remove itself. "I need it to deal with you idiots every morning." Their captain replies, worming his head on top of a pillow like the older boy might go back to sleep after ingesting a can full of caffeine.

"You'll understand when you have your own team." Shouyou is pretty sure the comment is meant to be negative, but there's a smile forcing its way onto his lips at the thought of having Daichi's title one day. "I'll be the best captain ever." He promises, Daichi groans, burying his head under his pillow without replying, Suga leads him out of the room, promising him another surefire way to wake their captain up. They share kitchen space, Shouyou keeping an eye on the older boy while he fiddles with the rice cooker, the middle blocker tries not to let his eyes fall onto the wrinkled material covering old scars; Suga-san catches on quickly, glances back at him with a half smile. "Can I see them?" He blurts before he wants to stop, Suga-san's hands start shaking where they're wrapped around a measuring cup. Dark eyes dart away from him, towards Daichi's bedroom, then there's a sigh that is followed with a nod. Silver bangs tumble over, covering the older boy's eyes as trembling fingers start to tug on his school shirt, Shouyou watches raptly, horrified but unable to look away. The first line falls into sight, a long unnecessary flourish that just dodges the older boy's navel. The middle blocker takes a step forward, tracing a finger over the raised skin while Suga works up the nerve to lift up the rest of the material. It reads as it should, the same way it did all those nights ago, "Mine." Suga huffs out, letting his own hand move over the injuries without looking at them. The skin is still discolored, an almost brown that promises that they'll remain there forever, the tension in Suga's eyebrows makes him think that the older boy already knows that. "Mine." The older boy repeats, fists clenching into the curled up fabric. Shouyou hates that word, wishes that it would disappear because _owning_ is wrong.

"Do they hurt?" The older boy laughs, something bitter that makes Shouyou's heart clench. "Only when I think about it." The middle blocker understands, probably more than he should; he removes his fingers from the bruised skin and lets them settle onto one of Suga-san's trembling fists. The setter hand grips his, he's not sure who's hand is sweaty but the feeling doesn't bother him as much as it should. "I want answers." The older boy admits, anger laced with a sadness someone like Suga doesn't deserve; Shouyou wishes he could give them, he knows that one of two people are responsible, both of them too dangerous to speak of because both of them _own_ him.

Daichi emerges when the smell of meat starts to overwhelm the air, Suga-san offers their captain water along with a bowl of rice before chopping the older boy on the head. Shouyou's body jerks in respond to the sound but doesn't offer explanation because neither of the older boys are looking at him. "You're being nice." Their captain mutters, a hand dragging over where Suga had just attacked him, "We leave today and you need to be able to handle our teammates before they get lost in the city." Daichi huffs like he doesn't want to be reminded but makes an attempt to look more alert, Shouyou serves Suga-san before himself and lets the kitchen fall into almost silence. He watches their captain gets progressively more aware with each bite until the older boy looks like his usual self, the older boy gets up with his empty bowl and rinses it out without a word. "We should get going." Suga-san grunts in agreement, offering his bowl to their captain, who just stares at him for a long moment before taking it and rinsing it as well.

Their captain leads them through the front door, Shouyou closes his eyes before the cross the threshold and doesn't open them until he can feel gravel under his shoes; Daichi starts walking towards the farm instead of towards the school and the middle blocker isn't sure why he's surprised. The older boy opens creaky windows until he can see old wood and the unsettling faces of too big animals, Shouyou grabs onto Suga-san's arm, guiding the older boy past each of the horses and offering their name while Daichi pours food into their cages. Suga takes a liking to the last animal, the horse named after their captain, Daichi feeds his horse counterpart and Shouyou leads Suga out of the stable before their captain decides to lock them in.

The walk to school reminds him of the tests, the ones he couldn't read and had no chances of passing. Shouyou stops walking, takes a look at the school gates in the distance wondering if he'd be kicked out for having the worst grades in the entire school; his grip on Suga's hand makes the other boy freeze in his tracks, "Something wrong, Shouyou?" Daichi stops walking half a step front of in front of him, and turns back to them with concern twisting his eyebrows, "No, I don't think so." He lies, urging the taller boy forward before they can read the lies twisted his own face, the vice-captain makes a weird face but allows himself to be pushed down the street and through the school gates. Suga stops walking next, they're next to the steps where they would separate, the older boy turns to face him and does something weird.

Suga's embrace is warm and smells like toothpaste, his words are soft, exhaled praise making a patch of his hair warm. It's nice and he can tell that it means something, what he doesn't understand is _why,_ Suga had been attacked because of him, Shouyou didn't even have the courage to tell the older boy that it had been his fault that he had been attacked, that the people who owned him had caused this mess, the same _people_ that had written the same thing across his chest but with blood instead of steel. He was luckier than Suga in that respect, Grand King had touched him out of passion, because Grand King loved him, he knew that all for fact. Grand King had written on him in his blood and Shouyou had seen it happen with his own eyes, the setter holding him didn't know anything about his attack except for pain in the dark and the burning in his stomach. _Message._ The message hadn't even been for the older boy.

"You'll do great, we'll be in Tokyo by tonight and you can see that _someone."_ Thoughts of Kenma, of belonging with someone, were difficult to think about when he could feel Suga's message colliding with his; he knows, in that moment, that the older boy is _alone._ Shouyou wraps his arms around the taller boy before he can resist, ignores the tears that are threatening to make spots on the school jacket his face is pressed into. "You're not alone." He promises, wishes that he could sound firm instead of the shaking ground they're always standing on. Suga's hand settles on his shoulder, cold and warm at the same time, and more words follow. "Okay." The response is simple and filled with something he can't bring himself to understand. They separate and the older boy smiles too brightly for Shouyou to keep staring at, he doesn't understand his vice-captain at all, Suga was unnaturally strong, like being cut up had no effect on him while Shouyou broke down constantly because of simple words like _mine_ and _love._ The middle blocker envies that strength as much as he detests it, he knows that if Suga were to fall that he'd be there, without that reaction he feels like he has nothing to do except wait. Not that Suga-san needs to know that. The older boys wave him goodbye, with smiles and promises that he'll pass.

Everything inside of him freezes over when he steps into the classroom, the entire class is staring at him and there are words hidden by hands. Too many stares and too many questions make his knees buckle before he can make it to his seat, his recovery isn't quick enough to be completely ignored and several people laugh at his panic before returning to their whispering; he doesn't manage to catch any of it, only the general sense that something is _wrong_ and all of it is directed at him, like these people _know_ everything that he's done when he doesn't remember half of their names. An unknown teacher enters through the classroom door and slides it shut loudly, the classroom turns quiet except for the shuffling of papers being flicked onto desks. "You'll be dismissed as soon as you get your tests, look over your marks _thoroughly,_ and make sure you don't need to take remedial classes- unless you want them of course." The teacher chuckles but is met with silence, he continues to pass out papers going through each row until Shouyou can see the guy standing in front of him.

"Hinata Shouyou?" He questions, like he had done to the row before, the middle blocker nods and his tests are placed faced down on his desk. Shouyou is very hesitant to actually look at the papers, he can already see too much shadowed red through the parchment, he's pretty sure that he can feel his dreams of Tokyo are being shattered before he even gets a chance to look. Wasting as much time as he can with making sure the pages are straight and digging dirt from his fingernails, Shouyou flips the pages over and heavily contemplates throwing himself out of the window without landing on a shrub. His average score is ten out of forty, which is, understandably he supposes, not passing. The middle blocker sighs, glances over pages he can't read except for crimson laid notes asking if he had even read any of the questions before answering, the final page holds only the ones he got write, all of them math questions. Shouyou thinks of his vice-captain, the one that taught him that calculus is more difficult than algebra, he supposes that the older boy would be both proud and frustrated with him for getting these ones correct.

The older boys are waiting by the stairs, blocking his path towards remedial classes, not that they know that. "What did you get?" Suga-san asks, like he had passed and wanted to know how smart he actually was. With frustrating but not debilitating panic, he hands the taller boy his tests and watches an array of emotions flicker across his vice-captain's face before melting into half disappointment. "Well, at least _my_ tutoring paid off." There's a chuckle but it falls off quickly when Daichi snatches the paper from the setter's hands, Daichi's face holds only grimness that Shouyou resents. His captain's eyes go wide as he glances over each of the pages. "Romanji." The older boy notices, Shouyou feels his cheeks heat up in mortification, he had forgotten that Daichi knows _that._ He nods to the older boy, looking away long enough for Asahi join them without his notice. "Good morning, Suga-san, Daichi-san, er- Shouyou." He's able to feel Asahi's awkwardly hard gaze without looking up at the older boy. "Asahi-san." He offers, not really sure how he should be acting after getting the older boy attacked by two manager obsessed teammates and then not apologizing.

"How did you guys do on your tests?" Shouyou is pretty sure that the wiggling in Asahi's legs means he _really_ wants to talk about the tests, he lets himself zone out of the conversation, content with _not_ cuddling into their captain's side and letting the older boy take most of his weight. He learns, after Suga-san and Asahi stop exchanging test scores, that he only has one day of remedial classes via school policy; the fact that he only had a week to see Kenma made the situation indefinitely worse. Daichi leads him upstairs, to an almost empty classroom where he finds Kageyama already sitting, the taller boy makes a point of not looking at him when the door slides open and Daichi looks back at him with raised eyebrows. The middle blocker shrugs, still not _entirely_ sure why Kageyama is either ignoring him or glaring at him, a part of him wonders if the setter is jealous of having a _relationship_ or upset that he's not Shouyou's first priority. He finds Kageyama to be an idiot either way and decides to take the seat next to him, just for kicks; Daichi snorts from the doorway, makes a phone out of his fingers and mouths what he imagines to be _call me later._ The middle blockers nods, watches his captain scoot past their remedial teacher, who gives the volleyball captain a sneer before scooting past, something tells him that this might be the longest day of his life.

Shouyou was rarely correct, his test scores proved that in several instances, his assumption, unfortunately, about their remedial teacher was unfortunately one of those rare instances. The older woman, with boobs that hang bigger than Kageyama's head, glares at them hard enough for the setter to be taken back by it. Shouyou makes the mistake of laughing at his teammate's misfortune and that stony gaze is turned onto him. "You _idiots_ are here because your test scores were _abysmal."_ He's pretty sure that abysmal means bad, even if the words is fun to play on repeat in his head while the teacher prattles on about _why_ they failed the tests. Shouyou knows _why,_ he just really doesn't want to ask anyone to teach him Romanji because while it would be helpful in some cases, in most others it would be a complete waste of effort. Kageyama's icy demeanor changes by the time the study-lecture is over, the taller boy still glares at him, but there's not as much hate in his eyes.

They're released with a bell and a practiced promise to _do better,_ he would make sure to do that by guessing even harder during the next exams. Shouyou slides past too big boobs and is left wondering _why_ she felt the need to stand in the doorway while they were dismissed, the thought doesn't linger past a shudder that makes his spine numb. Digging into his bag for a moment, the middle blocker pulls out his half dead cellphone and sends a text to Daichi that he and Kageyama had been _dismissed._

 **"Tanaka's sister will pick you up."** Shouyou stares at the message for an indecent amount of time, _Tanaka-san has a sister._ He imagines someone just as tough and cool, not dissimilar to Tanaka-senpai at all, except with hair. The walk down the stairs and towards the school gates allows him to debate on telling his setter about the arrangement or just letting the boy walk home to enjoy sitting on his ass for a week, the decision, unfortunately, is pulled away from him with the appearance of a truck pulling in front of them with a squeal that makes his ears ring. "Yo, failure boys!" A woman, barely taller than him steps out of the smoking vehicle in front of them, Shouyou takes in her dyed hair and multitude of piercings only to wonder if this person is going to violently murder them. "A-are you Tanaka-senpai's sister?" He asks, praying that she'll say both yes and no, the woman adjusts her hair for a moment before offering him a grin that looks more well suited on a shark than a person, "You can call me Saeko-nesan." Shouyou is _pretty_ sure that he won't be doing that more than once and offers her a bow, dragging the boy next to him in a similar position, "Thank you very much, Saeko-nesan!" She laughs, something less intimidating than her smirk and waves them over.

Kageyama makes irritating noises and grunts something that the middle blocker can't make out, he grabs onto the taller boy's arm but Kageyama is refusing to move and refuses to say anything. Shouyou thought the longest day of his life was over. Saeko taps her foot almost impatiently but her face reflects amusement more than irritation, with a sigh, Shouyou decides to do the only thing he can think of. His hand collides with the setter's head before he can think about the consequences and darts towards the vehicle in front of them, he's already tucked away before Kageyama even reacts to the hit. A scream follows him along with rushed footsteps and finally a _thud._ Shouyou looks around his defensively placed hands to find nothing but the open door, laughter from Tanaka's sister draws him away from his hiding spot and towards the empty doorway where an angry setter should be.

It takes him a moment to find the other boy and for him to realize that what he is stepping on isn't cement, Shouyou glances down at his setter, specifically at a giant bruise that is forming on the taller boy's forehead. The middle blocker finds Kageyama's _sleeping_ face to be distasteful, but the fact that Kageyama frowns even in sleep is equally as amusing. "That is one way to do it!" Saeko cackles, stepping forward to grab at shoulders of the unconscious boy like it wasn't unusual for her car to knock someone out. Shouyou takes his feet off of his setter's body and grabs at limp legs until they've lifted the body into the backseat, he finds satisfaction in closing the door, his plans usually don't work out that well. Tanka's sister leads him to the passenger door and opens it for him, he climbs into the seat wishing he had more to say than quiet appreciation.

Kenma is the subject of his thoughts when Saeko pulls away from the school, each too sharp turn reminding him of every decision he's made in his life. _Too much._ They're on flat road before he can escape thinking about stupid things because he knows what's done is done, that he couldn't go back to _home_ or that he couldn't take back his _yes_ all those months ago. "Hey, stop sulking!" Saeko chides, sharp nails digging into his cheeks before he's comprehended her words, "I get that you're in a hurry but," Candy that hadn't been there before is pulled away from her mouth, "There are some flowers you can only see when you take detours." The words are cryptic but her tone says enough.

"I don't really get it, but thanks!" She laughs, twisting the wheels with her eyes closed that Shouyou is certain will lead them to certain death. "It _means,_ you should be grateful for your failing grade, because now you get to ride with _me."_ He's pretty sure that failing is supposed to be a bad thing, especially when it keeps him from Kenma, but he nods and takes a look at her without the assumption that she's a well-known criminal leader. "When'd you start playing, Shouyou?" He takes in her question but wonders instead if Daichi had been the one to inform her that it was _just_ Shouyou. "When I was in grade school, I saw the spring tournament on TV, it was right when Karasuno was playing and-"

"You saw the Little Giant?" They say at the same time with different pronouns, she laughs again and Shouyou takes _another_ look at the woman beside him. "You know the Little Giant?" She shrugs, "I think I went to school with him, but I never spoke with him." The middle blocker is both confused and in awe, unable to understand _why_ someone wouldn't throw themselves at the opportunity to talk with the Little Giant was beyond him. "I might have, if he was a little more of a trouble maker." The words don't surprise him as much as he thinks they should, "Were you the type to make friends with all the bad guys?" He asks instead of what gang she belongs to, she laughs again, wheel twitching in her grasp enough to make Kageyama's limp body slam against the door beside his head. "Pretty much, but-" She pauses long enough to take a taste of the twirling candy in her fingers, "I saw one of their practice matches once." She takes another pause and Shouyou watches goosebumps crawl up her arms, "He was... scary, but something more intense." She continues with a shrug, "He was being switched out, he stormed past me and I could _feel_ the air getting cold and hot, you know?" Shouyou nods, too familiar with the feeling but too wrapped up in her tale to say anything. "He walked by and _slammed_ his head into the wall." They both take a moment to look at Kageyama, who's shifting on the seat like he might wake up before going completely still. "Then he turns to me, with these _eyes._ Like a snake or a demon, or something." Saeko's body shudders in the same way his does, for different reasons he knows. _Snake eyes._ Another thing he's too familiar with. "He's the uh- ace, right?" He hums in confirmation, she hums back. "He felt like an ace, not like- that, I mean, almost like the air _around_ him was different." The middle blocker nods, almost getting what she means, but he thinks of heartbeats instead of empty air.

The tires squeal as they pull in front of Nekoma High school, Shouyou smiles at Saeko, certain that this was her signature move when it came to driving. "One piece, just like I promised! Woo!" She jumps onto the ground and stretches for a bit before tugging on the door to the backseat, Kageyama screams as the door is opened and Shouyou takes a step back, the setter jumps out of the car with ease since they hadn't bothered to lock him down with seat belts and is suddenly looming over him. He offers the taller boy his best placating smile but Kageyam glares at him before glaring at the area around them, "Tokyo?" He mutters, Saeko laughs before he can explain that they hadn't been kidnapped. "Tanaka-senpai's sister drove us here." He neglects to add that the driving almost got them killed and that Saeko-nesan _knows_ the Little Giant, tugging on the setter's hand, he leads the taller boy towards the gym in front of them, wishing that he didn't feel like he was walking towards certain doom, even if it were mixed with the excitement of playing volleyball and seeing Kenma.

Saeko ends up taking the lead while he does his best to fill in Kageyama's memory with as little words and insults as possible, making sure to act as surprised as possible when he points out the bruise forming on the taller boy's forehead. "Here we are!" The door squeaks open and Shouyou stops walking. _L_ _oser does what the winner wants._ With a sigh, drawn out like he's out of breath from just walking as an excuse for his pause, the middle blocker forces himself into the Nekoma gym where the darkness had started to form. The gym is more lively than it had been last time, each of the courts filled up with different teams and Shouyou only recognizes two of them. His attention is pulled onto Kenma and isn't interrupted with calls of his name, his protector is in the middle of a game but golden eyes manage to find his within a moment, like the older boy could sense his proximity. Kuroo, who was standing next to the blond setter, follows his neighbor's gaze and Shouyou feels ice starting creep along his spine when he makes the mistake of glancing into chopper eyes.

"Yo! Shouyou-senpai!" There's waving off too long arms that draws his attention away from both Kenma and Kuroo, Lev stares at him from across two courts and Shouyou can just make out the green of the other boy's eyes. He waves back, not sure how to feel that his name has just been announced to the entire gym. "Shouyou! Kageyama!" The gruff voice of one of his favorite senpai's calls out, Noya-senpai waves them over to their court and Shouyou takes a look at his sweating teammates along with the unfavorable scoreboard. A timeout is called as soon as Ukai takes notice of them, the other boys offer them brief greetings before attempting to drown themselves in water. Ukai switches him in with Kageyama and Shouyou finds his fingers twitching more intensely for every extra second the timeout lasts.

Their quick feels awkward and almost _wrong,_ the location and flashes of light he knows aren't real attempt to ruin the experience of being in the air. The ball cradles in his hand for the last time that game, he can feel treated leather sliding against his palm before rocketing past outstretched fingers, the slam makes him flinch and he lets himself off the court before the whistle blows. It had been the last game for Karasuno that day and Shouyou had scored the final point for them, he just wished he could bring himself to feel _good_ about it, but he doesn't and Daichi notices almost as soon as he does. "Something wrong?" It sounds like a question but Daichi's eyes are reflecting that _I know_ that makes Shouyou shrug instead of nod. He wants to explain, talk about the flashes and the terror that threaten to make him stop jumping, but he can't bring himself to actually say the words _I'm scared_ to Daichi again.

The older boy's hand lands on his shoulder, can feel the twitching muscles around cotton and sweat enough to know that Daichi is going to ask him something. "You did well." The hand pats his shoulder then the warmth is gone, the team splits up with Kageyama going the complete opposite direction as he does. Shouyou works his way around the gym, towards  _that_ red, the right one, and feels his heart start to work properly when he sees nothing but gold.

"Kenma." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys. Guys. A couple of the baes are showing up next chapter, also, I have three hours to write a paper because I spent two days working on this chapter while crying about money.


	41. Chapter Forty-One

**Chapter Forty-One**

He's not sure why he's surprised, he had spotted Kenma as soon as the gym doors opened and he had known that his protector would be here for over a month; Shouyou, knowing all of that, still wondered why his breathing was getting dodgy and why it was getting hard to stand. The older boy helps him to the ground, a soft stomach and bony ribs taking up space against his spine, "Kenma." He sighs out, letting the sensation wash over him because in almost too long his call would be answered. "Shouyou." Husky but concerned in ways that make his stomach sizzle with guilt. "Are you okay?" Warmer and almost lost in the sweat of his hair, he nods, accidentally catching Kenma's chin against his moist scalp; he feels the older boy grunt into his hair, spreading awkward heat across his head, "Are _you_ okay?" He chirps back instead of apologizing, Kenma grunts again and Shouyou lets the other boy's long fingers settle on his stomach. "There's marks on your neck." He nods at the observation, feels the mentioned neck tighten on one side where Kenma's breath is now blowing over his skin. "Sorry." He finally offers, even though he knows that Kenma will disregard the statement in an instant. The older boy hums quietly, almost a tune that Shouyou can't hear over the sound of his own breathing.

They take turns watching the other teams watching them, the boy against his back explains the other teams in the Tokyo prefecture, strengths and weaknesses like the setter could read them like a books; He thinks it's really cool, Kenma just hums out an explanation of why Karasuno is the best rival team for Nekoma, even if there is a four hour drive. "Your setter is upset." He scoffs before he can help it, "I could have told you that." From their spot on the ground, the bruise on Kageyama's head looks huge and Shouyou almost feels bad about it until he remembers the icy attitude and the refusal to communicate that had caused it in the first place. "He hit his head on a door." For the first time in his life, the burning on his insides isn't from guilt and fear but his heart does stop at what follows his explanation.

Every piece of music that Kenma has played for him builds up at once and is shot straight into his heart, Shouyou thinks that _this_ is what love is, hearing the older boy shudder behind him with laughter is more vivid than anything he's ever experienced. The blond settles down when people start to stare, he can feel Kenma's blush radiating heat against his skin, there's a swallow of air and nervousness that he doesn't have an answer for. "Kenma?" He ponders out loud, the older boy's heart starts to race against his and Shouyou's hands begin to tremble when Kenma doesn't answer him immediately. "Sorry." The older boy offers, Shouyou shrugs in return because that's what Kenma would do for him instead of prying like he wants to. "Yaku is staring at us." His eyes dart across the gym, glances at people _pretending_ not to stare and finally catches the gaze of Nekoma's setter, he's pretty sure the older boy is taller than the last time he's seen him, there's more red covering his body than usual and Shouyou finds it hard to focus only on wide brown eyes pretending not to be pretending to stare. "Why's he doing that?" He asks, running his finger over the weird ridges of Kenma's knee. The older boy makes a noise he doesn't understand, "No idea." Is translated for him.

They watch the last game of the night quietly, Shouyou takes in warmth and scary tosses for too long and begins to feel his eyelids getting heavy too soon for sleep. "Shou?" The middle blocker snorts away his almost sleep and leans back until his ear is pressed against Kenma's, golden irises just in view through his peripheral. "Yes, _Ken?"_ He watches dark pupils twist into a circle before refocusing. "Dinner'll be soon." Long fingers twitching against his stomach tells him that the older boy would like nothing more than to join the other teams in eating food. "But if we get up now we'll have to clean." He states factually to which Kenma hums in agreement, fingers slumping against his skin in a way that makes him jump. "Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do." Shouyou knows for a fact that Kenma doesn't mean anything more by the words than what he's saying but something inside of him twists with unpleasantness he wish he didn't have to acknowledge. _Mine._ Kenma's proximity is suddenly too much and Shouyou forces himself to stand before Kenma's fingers land on something he'd been so careful to avoid. Kenma stands with him, looking suspiciously like he's not reading the middle blocker's actions; the older boy offers him a smirk that reveals a few too white teeth and leads the way towards what he assumes to be dinner

"How were the tests?" The blond boy asks as they're walking away from the musty gym and into dying sunlight, Shouyou frowns, not recalling another instance where Kenma wanted to make small talk nor a situation where school was met with anything less than disdain. "I couldn't read any of it." The hair around the older boy's ears fling back as Kenma winces, "Romanji." They echo in different tones, Kenma's with questioning and Shouyou's in confirmation. The older boy scoffs, like he's been offended by the language; "I could teach you?" The middle blocker raises an eyebrow where Kenma can see it, a crooked grin working at his lips, "And why would I take the help of someone who didn't even study for his own exams?" Kenma's lips curl like he's been offended but golden irises tell a different story. "Maybe because _I_ passed?" The middle blocker shrugs, he'd give that to Kenma, if nothing else. He thinks it might be a sweet gesture, that the older boy would offer, but since he _knows_ Kenma, he _knows_ that the older boy would most likely get distracted by a certain backed dessert before they had even started. "Thank you." He says sincerely, feeling his stomach twist with _good_ at saying something like that to Kenma. The setter hums in approval and make a grab at his wrist that Shouyou doesn't dodge, "I'm hungry."

The room, he thinks it might be a classroom when it's being used properly, is spacious but also cramped with table and aromas that make him feel properly hungry; another desire awakens since he's been in Tokyo, eating for himself, though he's not sure when he started to think about eating for others instead. Kenma directs them to empty cushions that are crowded by people he doesn't know, his next feeling is odd, his body reacts before he does, trembling in a way that means danger even when surrounded by people he could like. His protector sits on his right side and takes his attention away from the dark haired person next to him, the other boy barely gives him a glance before resuming his politely frantic eating. The person on the other end of the frantically eating stranger, Shouyou notices, has really cool hair and also has duck sauce leaking down his chin; "Bokuto-san." He watches the person next to him hand _Bokuto-san_ a napkin before Shouyou can even consider anything else. Bokuto-san wails loudly, Shouyou thinks it might be because he'll have to put either his chopsticks or spoon down to take the offered napkin, but thick fingers curl into the fabric and the duck sauce is gone along with Shouyou's attention.

Kenma gives him a strange look along with a bowl of rice that Shouyou ignores in favor of the plate of meat beyond it, he's pretty sure that he can feel the older boy rolling his eyes before tugging the plate closer to them. "Make sure you eat your rice." Not-Kenma says and Shouyou feels his heart stop before starting to race too fast, in an instant, he's able to recall every time those words have been said, can smell salty eggs and taste chalk. There's warmth in his hand that reminds him of all the times he's shoved napkins full of rice into his pocket and the classroom in around him starts to melt into his living room. "Shouyou?" Not-Natsu asks, then again in a voice too deep is asking those words. _I'm not okay._ He admits to himself before letting it slip away along with _Hinata._

His back is hurting when he can see again, can tell that he must have been pushed into the wall because the plate of meat and the _rice_ is out of reach, Kenma is in front of him, loose bangs blocking his view on his right side, Shouyou makes a blind grab and finds long fingers twining into his own. "You're okay." Relieved but almost like a question, Shouyou nods in response, lingering twitches against his vocal chords making him unable to speak. Kenma waits until his breathing is more even before speaking again, asking him to join the table again. He accepts but feels he made the wrong choice when too many eyes start to settle on his skin, "Are you okay?" Not-Kenma asks from his left side. Shouyou sees a new shade of blue for half a breath before looking away, "Sorry." Can tell from the scratching in his throat that it had been a scream instead of rice that no longer exists.

His hair turns heavy when he churns the apology out, Shouyou can feel his spine straighten and quiver like it might snap at any second; the middle blocker stares down at shoes he doesn't recognize and wishes that he could scream again, Kenma's fingers squeeze his but he can barely feel it through the cement dripping into his blood stream. "K-Kenma?" He's back in Miyagi, hearing _those_ words again, a time before he said _yes_ and the first time he's ever seen the demon king. "Bokuto-san, you're making- him uncomfortable." The person next to him chides, Shouyou lets himself breathe in when the hand finally removes but his relief doesn't last long because someone too warm is leaning in front of him. He can make out round eyes, golden but dim, he thinks his observation might only be due to how _close_ those eyes are, "Sorry about that, little guy." Shouyou recognizes the sound of knuckles colliding with skin but doesn't feel anything, dim eyes start tilting until they're out of sight.

Shouyou takes in the form of Bokuto-san, on the floor and looking very close to tears, he's not sure what he should be feeling as he stares at the built male rolling around on the floor in exaggerated agony. "How could you do that, Akaashi?" _That_ voice says, the one that brought him back there; Shouyou thinks he should be angry but Bokuto-san's antics tell him that the taller boy has enough to deal with. "You need to apologize to-" _Akaashi_ says, almost blue eyes glancing up from Bokuto-san to stare at him. "Shouyou." Kenma offers in his place, Akaashi nods like it's a privilege to have that information. "Apologize to Shouyou-san, Bokuto-san." He's not even sure the last time someone used an honorific with him, it's been _Just Shouyou_ for long enough that everyone calls him that. _Not that Akaashi-san would know that,_ he rationalizes, attempts to offer the older boy a smile but Akaashi-san just blinks at him then down at Bokuto-san.

The other boy is on his knees now, spine squirming like it's too much work to say a few words, even if Shouyou doesn't want them. "I'm sorry, Shorty-san." If his hands weren't shaking so badly, if one of them wasn't wrapped around too long fingers, he would consider taking a fight he knows he will lose. Akaashi makes a noise, like a growl combined with a sigh that Shouyou doesn't understand completely, "Bokuto-san and I are sorry are sorry we alarmed you and we hope you can forgive us." Akaashi-san bows but Shouyou thinks he might see almost blue eyes rolling, he hopes it at the need for too formal words during dinner when they're all covered in drying sweat. "Sorry?" He replies, Akaashi-san's chin tilts back, there's a twitch against stoic lips that he might have imagined. "I'm Akaashi, by the way, this is Bokuto-san." Akaashi-san gestures to the now empty floor and they both stare at the wooden panels in confusion for a moment, "There _was_ Bokuto-san." The dark haired boy corrects himself, Shouyou smiles in return, not sure if he should be worried about suddenly disappearing teammates or not. "Nice to meet you." The words are muffled but close enough that he can make them out, Akaashi-san's head twists back and Shouyou glances around the taller boy's chest, Bokuto-san is smiling at him with a mouthful of meat, there's more than one trail of _something_ trailing down the taller boy's chin. Shouyou laughs.

Shouyou takes notice of Akaashi-san's voice when the older boy decides to make small talk, it reminds him of Kenma's and he immediately introduces his protector to the other boy as soon as the thought comes up. Dinner passes more smoothly as a pair of deep voices travel over his head from both sides, comforting in a way he doesn't need to think about. The middle blocker lets his shoulders drop, slouching low enough that he finally notices that there's no rice in front of him, Kenma's chopsticks prod at his lips while the older boy is distracted with his conversation with Akaashi-san. Shouyou opens, lets himself fall back into that time where his limbs had been too weak to move, times where he had started to look at Kenma as a protector as well as everything else. Golden eyes catch his around a mouthful of beef, they're too far away to be Kenma's and Shouyou feels trapped despite the friendly smile. "I'm Bokuto Koutarou, I'm the captain of Fukuroudani Academy, I'm the team's captain and the _best ace ever,_ you _probably_ already know that, right?" Shouyou stares at Bokuto-san for a moment, long enough for the older boy to start talking again about his star sign and favorite color, he's not sure what to do with any of the information. _Captain._ The title is unsettling to him, knows that one of them is lingering, waiting with flashes of light and ready to steal from him, the other rough and warm in a way he's grown dependent on. He wonders what kind of captain Bokuto-san is but he's too scared to ask and too scared to interrupt the brutish boy with golden eyes, who is now rambling about how he and Akaashi-san have been best friends forever.

"We've only known each other for two years." Akaashi-san confirms, taking a pause in his conversation with Kenma, that odd shade of blue shifts from him to Bokuto-san and Shouyou thinks he can see a new facial expression on Akaashi-san's face. "The most wonderful two years of my entire life!" He watches tanned eyelids blink once, then twice, but Akaashi-san remains silent while he turns away from his captain. Shouyou isn't really sure how he would respond to that either, except Bokuto-san's rejected facial expression makes him think that he'd at least acknowledge the statement instead of ignoring it. The feeling of being stared at, with the exclusion of Bokuto-san, starts to slide off of his skin with each moment shared with Kenma and Akaashi-san; he's not sure what to think entirely of the other setter, he knows that Akaashi-san is polite, but is brought diluted with disinterested tones and flat facial expressions, almost like another Kenma. _Just nothing like Kenma._

The first time that Akaashi-san tries to feed him he considers throwing the taller boy out the window, he glances at Kenma, unsure of how to handle the situation with screaming and challenging his new _friend_ to a fight. "My arm is tired." His protector offers, slimy meat prods at his lips again and when he makes to apologize the food is pushed in before he can get the first letter out. Bokuto-san splutters on Akaashi-san's other side, Shouyou can tell that the captain is still glum from being ignored, " _Akaashi,"_ The older boy whines, "How come your feeding Shouyou-chan but whenever I ask you you always say, _you're old enough to feed yourself, Bokuto-san."_ He twitches at the honorific but is unsure if he should correct the older boy and risk going back to _little guy,_ instead he comments on Bokuto-san's impression of his teammate. Akaashi-san snorts into a cup of water, obviously pretending not to notice the white-black haired menace staring at him.

"I'm going to the bathroom." Shouyou is pretty sure that the words shouldn't make his pulse jump, he's also sure that he shouldn't feel like he's sinking further into an invisible hole with every step that Kenma takes away from him. "Everything alright, Shouyou-san?" Akaashi is looking at him with open curiosity, the look is too expressive on that blank face that he has to look away while he nods in reply, the older boy leans forward and Shouyou leans to the empty space Kenma had been occupying before. "What's your relationship with Kenma-san?" Akaashi-san asks, Shouyou is too taken back to look up from his socks and towards that odd shade of blue.

"I'm not sure."

Shouyou loves Kenma more than anything, more than he thinks he should considering they're both males that live too far apart; everything about Kenma fills him with calmness and excitement, like he can see through any problem with his protector guiding him. Even Kenma's dismissive, bordering on rude, behavior is comforting to him because Kenma had been the first person to actually stay with him after knowing everything. That the marks Akaashi-san were not regarding had been made by Grand King, the reason his body broke down with his head being touched. The older boy had seen the orange and helped him do something selfish without a word of judgement.

His answer confuses him more than his _relationship_ with Kenma, he knows that the older boy loves him, has said so a handful of times, and he loves the setter without a doubt. _Why don't I know?_ The answer, he realizes, is all too obvious that it's frightening to think about. Kenma is his first _relationship_ that doesn't revolve around being _owned,_ the older boy acknowledges his _issues_ but doesn't use them for games, to the older boy Shouyou is a person, someone that belongs with and not to.

"Love." Is his answer, clear enough without more context. Akaashi-san nods, then there's heat on his shoulder that he can't shrug off, "It seems like more than that." Something about the new setter unsettles him, he supposes if anyone were to look at the way he interacts with Kenma, that it might just look like the older boy is helping him. The middle blocker shrugs, the hand follows and Akaashi-san's eyes don't blink, "More?" He asks, certain at this point that Akaashi-san _wants_ him to ask about his deduction. The setter nods, wisps of curly black hair tilting forward to shadow half blue eyes, "It's interesting." He says, but nothing more.

He feels Kenma's return before he can see or hear it, Shouyou leans into the blond boy and he's pretty sure that he hears Kenma sigh at the new weight on his shoulder. "I'm not a pillow." The older boy explains, lifting a ball of rice to his lips, Shouyou recalls countless instances in which he had used the older boy as a pillow instead of answering. His head is still on Kenma's shoulder after a long moment of silence and Shouyou is pretty sure he can count this as a victory; the rest of dinner passes by without another word from Kenma or Akaashi-san, they split up with waves and Bokuto-san's promise to defeat him which Shouyou accepts while Kenma leads him towards another set of doors.

Kenma settles against the far wall, distracted by his phone before he even sits down, Shouyou settles himself between the older boy's legs, using his protector as a pillow with little complaint. They're not alone in the room, even if it is quiet, Inuoka and Yamamato are there, lingering in the room the same way their gazes linger on his skin. Something tells him that _something_ is going to happen, he's just not sure what. _Yet,_ he knows, because _something_ always happens in Tokyo. Kenma's phone tells him that forty-six minutes pass before it happens; it plays out like a movie, slow motion before his eyes, Shouyou can hear his heart in his throat and he's certain that he might scream again.

Within a moment, the entire Nekoma team is through the door and settling in a half circle, surrounding them like- Shouyou isn't sure what it's like, he just knows that he doesn't like it. Kuroo is in the middle of the setup, he's certain that it's by design instead of coincidence, he can feel the Nekoma captain's eyes trying to catch his but his eyes are glued to Kenma's wiggling toes and nothing more. "So," Kuroo begins, sounding too ominous all at once. Nobody acknowledges the statement and Shouyou watches through his hair as the other middle blocker rolls his eyes.

"Let's talk about Oikawa, shall we?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Doesn't get attention* "Why... friends" *Doesn't update for like, 9 years* "Oh yeah."   
> Also, this chapter is like, completely terrible; however, the next one will be better, this one is just a slump I need to get over, and I'd rather not leave you guys without a chapter for a third day in a row when I promised to update everyday. Also, have you guys seen Durara, like, season 2 is like, 0/10 lmao?


	42. Chapter Forty-Two

**Chapter Forty-Two**

"Kenma?"

The call of his protector is _more_ than it should be, it should just be him asking for the older boy's attention, not _this,_ not with Kuroo; each letter is filled with something different that Shouyou can barely identify, fear, despair, and _anger._ Kuroo had told him that Kenma wasn't going to be involved, the older boy had _promised._ Something told him to laugh, something deep, in the shadows where he couldn't find it, the urge was stifled when Kenma's arms lowered around him like a seat belt, preventing his escape. The setter's heart was beating against the back of his ribs, rhythmic and slow in the way it always was, even when it shouldn't be, the slow beats told him that his protester was completely calm. He's never been scared of Kenma before, scared for sure, but never of, because Kenma was the one to pick up too many pieces and offered him a home. Kenma, he thinks, was the first person to _know_ about Grand King, to know that the Aoba Johsai captain was dangerous and cunning, Kenma was also the first person to know that he, Shouyou, _belonged_ to Grand King. _So why?_ He asks, glancing over his shoulder and through inky bangs to get a look at the older boy, Kenma's face is smooth lines, the same one he usually has; he thinks the expression might be a bored one, like the thought of going after Grand King didn't frighten or even interest him.

Kenma hums into his hair, quiet and rough, asking him too many questions in return. _Are you okay?_ The older boy asks, even though they both know there's no point in asking. "Why?" He asks to Kuroo, catching the older boy's eye, irritation sparks under his skin like an itch when the Nekoma captain _smirks_ at his question. "You promised!" He reminds. _For Kenma._ The older boy tightens around him, hands dig into his stomach, too close to too many scars but not hurting any of them, like Kenma knows already. "Shou?" Kenma's voice startles him, drags him away from bubbling anger in an instant, the middle blocker turns around again, stares into conflicted gold that turns into steel as soon as their gazes lock.

"It was my idea."

Shouyou blinks. The action isn't enough to stop everything from crumbling, "Your idea?" He echoes, confused and scared but willing to listen; Kenma nods slowly, "I told Kuroo to make a deal with you. To protect you." At first, he thinks of their first _deal,_ the one with shadows and flashes that steal from him. _You're mine now, got it?_ The second deal, made of fear and cemented in rain clouds, giving himself to Kuroo because he had said _yes_ again to protect Kenma. _You belong to us._ The moment seems surreal, that Kenma, one of the smartest people he's ever known, would _trust_ Kuroo. "Protect me." Kenma's hum of confirmation is cut off with a bitter laugh that Shouyou doesn't recognize until his lungs start to burn. "Him?" His fingers don't tremble as he points to the man directly in front of them, the Nekoma captain stares back with a frown but doesn't move from where Shouyou is pinning him. A sigh makes him realize that saying _this_ wouldn't be easy, to tell Kenma everything, that Kuroo wasn't to be trusted either, that the older boy had _used_ him.

"I don't trust him." It was the truth in its basest form, there had never been in instance in the entire time that he had known the Nekoma captain that he could say he _trusted_ Kuroo, or even liked him, the older boy's action always holding ulterior motives and unsettling smirks. _Loser does what the winner says._ "I know." For a second, Shouyou thinks that Kenma does _know._ That, somehow, his protector had somehow known about everything in the dark, had seen the flashes of light for what they are. _I think this one is my favorite._ He knows that to be impossible, Kuroo would only do release them if he had fought the older boy and he hadn't, he should be safe but knowing that was different than knowing that Kenma hadn't seen anything. "I can't do this on my own. I trust Kuroo, can that be enough?" Kenma's tone, for half a second, reflects something that Shouyou knows too well. Guilt spikes through him and he's nodding before he can think about anything else.

"Sorry." He offers, wishing out of all the people he had to fight that Kenma wouldn't be one of them, knowing, above all, that he should trust the setter more than anything; he's not sure that Kenma would trust Kuroo if the blond boy _knew,_ but every passing opportunity buried his resolve deeper and deeper, endless reasons why he _shouldn't_ say anything, why he shouldn't tell anyone. _Because he trusts Kuroo._ "Okay." He says, even if everything is the opposite of okay. Kenma's smile is grim against his neck, Shouyou thinks it feels bitter, like grabbing onto a rose stem. "Sorry." He offers again, wishing, not for the first time, that none of this was happening. "It's all right, Shouyou-chan, these guys are here because they _want_ to protect you." Kuroo's voice lacks the teasing bite it usually does, the captain's raised hand isn't offered to him and doesn't take the air from his lungs. Instead, the tanned fingers gesture expansively to the members of the Nekoma team, as a whole, they express a myriad of emotions, all of them revolving around a single focal point.

Anger.

Shouyou knows a lot about that, how to suppress it and how to give it up; whenever he gets angry, it's never for long, always remedied with outbursts that resolve conflict. All of them are staring at him, a feeling like a thousand voices whirls in his mind, offering him their anger in a way he doesn't understand. _Protect._ A word he's only associated with failure, his inability to protect that people that he cares about and of Kenma, who had succeeded in a goal Shouyou didn't understand. "All of them?" The question is stupid but he's not sure what else to say to avoid advancing the topic of _why_ all of them were here, Kuroo nods, inky hair dancing with the action. "All of them, to protect our Shouyou." The middle blocker is pretty sure that Kuroo's _our_ is exclusive but the older boy isn't giving anything away in his careful smirk.

Lev's expression surprises him the most, the half-Russian's brow practically reads _revenge_ even when Grand King had never hurt the too tall boy, Shouyou was pretty sure that the taller boy hadn't even _met_ Grand King and yet- "Now that that's out of the way, the plan, Kenma?" _Plan?_ Knowing that Kenma _knew_ was shocking in itself, but his protector being the one to create the plan for Kuroo's deal was- Shouyou couldn't even begin to describe it. He hears Kenma clearing his throat, the sound makes everything a little too real and Shouyou can feel himself start to disconnect from the situation. He doesn't want to know, because if he knows then Grand King could ask him and the older boy _would_ get that information.

He listens to the Nekoma team talk, taking in tones instead of words, he's not as good as Kenma at reading faces but the straining necks and darkened eyes tells him all he needs to know. _Grand King is going to get hurt._ Shouyou isn't sure why he feels _bad,_ Grand King had hurt him, had used him and bitten him until he bled, but Shouyou had said _yes;_ he doesn't think that the older boy should be punished because of that, Shouyou couldn't take back his acceptance and hurting Oikawa wasn't going to solve anything.

Above all, he's scared for Kenma, if Grand King found out the blond boy had set _this_ up, Shouyou's certain that something terrible would happen to him; his instinct to save Kenma was being pushed down by the older boy's calming touches, like plotting to _hurt_ someone was something that bothered only Shouyou. The touches continue until his eyes fall shut, too exhaused from feeling every emotion at once, he can still feel the mood of the room as much as he can Kenma's heartbeat.

Flat moonbeams are splattered across the floor by the time he can manage to open his eyes, Kenma is still awake, can hear clicking from the older boy's game; Kenma must notice the change and Shouyou feels his head being positioned until he's staring into piercing gold, "Shouyou." Whispered, calm and collected in the way the older boy usually is, Shouyou nods in returns, ignores the lingering twitches under his skin as Kenma continues to stare at him with an unreadable expression. "Three weeks." Kenma says, like that answer questions instead of creating more. The middle blocker nods anyway, the Spring tournament was in six weeks, enough time for the setter to recover from anything Kuroo might do to him.

"I love you." Kenma offers after a long silence, the quiet room starts to ring, snoring cut off with alarm bells and beating hearts. "I love you, Kenma." His words have literal meaning and something else, _please don't do this._ Even if he wants it all to be over more than anything, he knows that _this_ isn't the way, there had to be another solution and three weeks was the time he had to find it. "This isn't right." Kenma's dark brows pull together, like he had said something in a different language, that the other boy _only_ spoke in terms of revenge and plans. "This isn't your fight." It shouldn't even be called a fight, Shouyou had agreed and Grand King had the right to do anything until it was over. "Shouyou-" His thoughts are cut off and he hears teeth clicking shut, "Nobody deserves to be hurt, not unless they want it, I mean." The statement was confusing to both of them, Shouyou thinks.

"I said yes." Everything fell together because of that, his relationship with Kenma was based off of agreeing to Grand King, that agreement also brought Kuroo and Daichi into the equation; the older boy is quiet for a long time, staring at him angrily until the setter tugs on his wrist. "What is this?" His answer is delayed by blunt nails digging into his skin, "My arm?" Kenma nods, " _Your_ arm, it belongs to _you._ Not Oikawa and not me." The words sting as much as they help, Shouyou doesn't really remember a time when he didn't belong to someone, can't recall the last time he's been referred to as his own person. "I'm yours." He retorts indignantly, belonging to and with Kenma was all he wanted, nothing more. The older boy sighs something ancient but nods like he had been expecting his words, a wry grin sparkles in moonlight, "You have to be yours before you can be mine." A snore like thunder punctuates Kenma's ruling, Shouyou nods, ignoring the burning in his scalp as it rubs against the floor. "Three weeks." Kenma says again, that smile still in place, "You can be mine then and at the finals when my team beats yours." Shouyou laughs, something easy between them despite the countdown starting. _Three weeks._ It makes him almost wish that he had listened to Kenma's plan instead of the harsh words.

"Yours." A question but not quite, "Mine." Kenma retaliates, then adds, "If you want." Shouyou snorts, wondering if there had been anything else he wanted more than to be Kenma's, besides beating his team. "Are you scared?" Kenma, who is leaning over him like a shield, shrugs his shoulders. "I think I should be." He understands that to be more than it is, "But I'm not. I want to protect you more than anything." _Anything._ The word, _a slip_ he rationalizes, sets him on edge. Shouyou knows about _anything,_ knows the cost to see scarlet and he knows that he needs to keep Kenma away from that. "Don't say that." Kenma was his protector not an _anything_ person, the older boy frowns, deep and questioning in a way that makes Shouyou's arms itch until he shows them to the older boy.

The sleeves on his club jacket are slow to move up, he's pretty sure that the shaking in his fingers is his body's way of telling him _no;_ he doesn't look at them, can feel himself going nauseous from seeing the skin in his peripheral, the middle blocker focuses on Kenma's face, wide golden eyes that slide over his skin like a physical touch. "I did this." Shouyou had done everything, every mark was his fault because he couldn't say no. Kenma's angry expression melts into confusion, "I needed to see red..." The older boy makes a strange noise that he can't identify, fingers slide over the uneven skin, shaking like his own hands are prone to. "What about..." He's not sure there's been an instance where Kenma has trailed off before, the new experience is faded despite and Shouyou blames it on nothing more than exhaustion. "How?" He thinks Kenma sounds more curios than upset, maybe shocked, another something new that Shouyou isn't allowed to cherish at the moment; he flashes the setter a grin, his teeth feel like knives, stained with more than just his blood.

"I hurt someone." The admission hadn't been intentional but he hopes it's enough of a distraction that the countdown will pause, if only for a second. "Shouyou-" Now Kenma sounds angry, not mad but the irritation rings in his gravelly tone, "Who?" He almost feels bad that he can't answer the question, "Some guy." The older boy's eyes widen slightly before they narrow into hardened slits that make him look too old. "Why?" Kenma's voice doesn't match his face all of a sudden, Shouyou shrugs, the middle blocker isn't even sure of his motives. "I thought I was helping." That situation seems much different than this one, he acted on impulse, protected Kiyoko because he needed to, doubt didn't weigh him down because he didn't _care_ what happened to him in that instance. He wishes that the feeling didn't linger like it did, "Our manager- and this guy, he was so big and he kept trying to..." His words dry up before he wants them to, he wants Kenma to know that _this_ wasn't right, even if Grand King was comparable to that guy. Impulse decisions were different than _planning_ to hurt someone, more dangerous.

"You protected her." The words hold awe that they shouldn't, Shouyou didn't do what was right, didn't run away with Kiyoko like he should have, instead he sank his teeth into a stranger's arm until he could feel muscles grinding between his incisors. "It was different then. The red, I mean." Kenma nods, a piece of hair slipping onto Shouyou's nose, it smells like sweat and the strangeness of Tokyo. "Like it wasn't even red, not like _then."_ The older boy leans down until their heartbeats are thumping against each other, "Don't do it again." Kenma says, like it's a simple matter of do and do not, Shouyou nods anyway, mixing inky bangs with Kenma's loose hair. "Can we stop talking about it?" _Three weeks._ There was plenty of time to talk about the past after everything settled, not that there was a lot to talk about, he had pretty much told the older boy everything that was important. The setter hums quietly, sinks lower until Shouyou can feel Kenma's nose pushing the hair away from his ear. "What do you want to talk about then?" Kenma's tone is neutral enough that he can ignore the piercing gaze on his head. "Akaashi-san seems nice." The older boy hums again, telling him that he's listening instead of falling asleep like they probably should be. "And Bokuto-san?" Shrugging is difficult when Kenma's body is pinning his to the floor but he just manages to do it, "I know he didn't mean to..." The breathing against his ear turns harsh for a second before returning to normal, a sign that Kenma thinks there's more to it than that. "When he said that," _Make sure to eat your rice._ His spine tingles as the words start to overlap, "I thought I was back there, that everything was _not real."_ Kenma's nose glides over his ear, a quiet but urging nod. "I could see that house." _My house._ He thinks, only for a second, that he should tell Kenma about Wales, about the Hinata clan as more than Natsu and himself. "He didn't mean to." He repeats, Kenma huffs into his eardrum like he doesn't quite believe it, even if both of them know that there is no way that Bokuto _could_ know. "He touched my head." The sensation returns when he says it out loud, ice in his spine and fire in his hair, fear and confusion like it's natural to hate that kind of touch.

"What did you see then?" The question is more analytical than it has any right to be when they're both this tired, Shouyou huffs into Kenma's ear as a retaliation, feeling stupid for getting played like this. "I saw Grand King, I felt his hand and heard his voice." The muscles in his throat urge him to stop talking but he continues to rasp out the words because Kenma deserves to know them, "I think I found out your problem." He recites, mimicking the tone because he could never forget it, "But, what could cause problems in someone so bright." His face feels closer to Kenma's as he says that, like he's the one leaning over the older boy instead of the older way around. "Your height? Girl troubles, perhaps?" A wink from the devil makes his chest burn, "Daddy issues?" He loses focus and the words come out confused, made worse when Kenma's entire body tightens over his, like a rock is resting on top of him instead of a shield. "He-?" Shouyou laughs instead of confirming, trying to remember the night that Kenma had looked up those stupid words for him instead of the tone of Grand King's voice.

He wakes up with sore ribs and a fuzzy tongue, the weight on his teeth isn't blood and he's pretty sure that normal people wouldn't feel the urge to check their mouth for red first thing in the morning. Licking away a night without dental hygiene, Shouyou lets himself take in the room, muffled by a jacket under his head that hadn't been there before and unable to be observed because Kenma was pinning him to the floor, blocking the view of anything more than sunlight with messy hair that Shouyou would pet if his fingers weren't pricking in numbness. He almost wishes that he had something to do after the sun on the floor shifts half a centimeter, that he could care for his capitalist animals and water virtual plants while he waits for Kenma to beg for coffee through groans of exhaustion. Tokyo is different than Kenma's house, the blond boy wakes up quietly, lifts himself onto his elbows until Shouyou can see golden irises and a budding pimple on Kenma's chin, "Morning." He offers, attempting to sound less awake than he actually is but Kenma sees through him easily, glares down at him like he's envious about being a morning-ish person.

There's a groan from across the room that doesn't belong to Kenma and all at once Shouyou remembers that they aren't alone, that the jacket under his head couldn't be Kenma's because that piece of red was tucked away in Shouyou's gym bag in the room where he should have been sleeping. With his new freedom, a cold, quiet liberation that Shouyou doesn't want, he tilts his head back until he can see the source of his revelation. Lev is stretching his too long limbs and notices that Shouyou is staring at him almost immediately, unsettling emeralds make his eyes stop moving and he barely notices the weird smile or the fact that Lev is getting closer until the taller boy is leaning over Kenma's lethargic body. "Morning." He offers to Lev in the same tone he used for Kenma, the other middle blocker expands his smile until he can see too white teeth.

"Good morning, Shouyou-senpai." The taller boy fake whispers, Shouyou would have laughed if Kenma didn't choose that moment to dig his fingers into his already sore ribs, the touch makes his body jerk away and he ends up knocking his head into Lev's knee. The pain and the- whatever Kenma was making him feel, was dulled when Lev calls his name again, using that honorific like it was nothing, like the silver haired boy hadn't been dragged into a situation too dangerous for any of them. He doesn't understand it but he will accept it, if only because his head is spinning too quickly for him to find the right words. "Lev," Kenma says, sounding welcoming despite the burn of irritation that Shouyou can only feel because his skin is touching Kenma's. "H-yes?" Lev stutters in reply, obviously taken back by the tone but falling into the trap easily enough. "Go the fuck away." There's an obnoxious cackle, like barking and wheezing combined, from the other side of the room and Shouyou feels himself go very still. _Kind of like barking._ That was Suga's description of the night he had been pulled into the dark and returned bloody.

He already knew what Kuroo's laugh sounded like, had heard it almost a handful of times during his stay in Tokyo, one of those times, his middle finger when he counted each time, had been in the dark when his shoulders were melting into the entrance to Kuroo's house. The Nekoma captain appears before Shoyuou can beg him not to, the other boy appears impossibly tall when Shouyou is on the floor and able to smell Kuroo's socks. There's a grin that makes his entire body lock up, like prey to a predator. "Morning." Kuroo offers, leaning down until Shouyou can see the definition in Kuroo's folded legs and a few sparse hairs on the older boy's chin; he knows that he should reply, at least give an indication that he isn't dead before the other boy buries him again. "Morning." He stutters out, quiet enough that if Shouyou hadn't been the one to say it he wouldn't have heard it. That smile stretches like Lev's did, something too friendly for a person like Kuroo, a guy who makes deals and promises to hurt people; he hates how disarming the tilting of the captain's lips are, too white teeth gleaming in the sunlight and messy hair making him seem human as it glows the color Shouyou hates. _You belong to us._ He reminds himself of _why_ they're doing this, Kuroo at least. _Three weeks._ Another voice promises, he'd belong with Kenma then and if making deals with Kuroo made that happen, he thinks he can handle it. Something acidic tells him otherwise, that new voice reminds him that he needs to take his pills before he starts going lucid at an awkward time.

A sudden movement prevents him from sliding out from under his protector, a knee pressing into his chest, across the placard that shouldn't be there. _Mine._ His chest whispers under Kuroo's heavy leg, Shouyou feels that odd sensation of his heart both stopping and starting to race too quickly. Swallowing around the smell of half clean and half dirty skin, he dares a glance up at the Nekoma captain, lips full of knives greet him in return and Kuroo has that _look,_ the one that means trouble and screams _deal._ "Kuro." Kenma says, a growl that Shouyou thinks is made of irritable mornings, the leg stills but doesn't pull up and Shouyou is left stuck staring into gleeful chopper eyes that make his blood run cold.

The urge to run is subdued by two bodies looming over his but the need to get away makes his skin twitch, "I have to go-" He says into Kenma's hair, knowing the older boy could gather a reason if not multiple ones. The body above his rumbles, obviously displeased and Shouyou would feel bad if the trembling hadn't shifted into his legs. "Pills." He all but mouths against the setter's skin, there's a nod and Kenma, though Shouyou can feel the reluctance, rolls off of him and exposes half his stomach in the process. The middle blocker wants nothing more than to return and rest his ear against the exposed skin until only a pulse exists; he's not sure when Kuroo's knee gets off the stain on his chest but the dark haired boy is missing when he takes a look around. Taking to his feet, Shouyou looks down at the crimson that had been his pillow and contemplates starting a collection until he sees the name on the back. Kanji, messy on purpose, spells out _Kuroo Tetsurou #1,_ the material almost slips from his fingers before he clenches his appendages into a fist.

Kuroo is a mystery to him, the Nekoma captain has too many variables to be _just_ Kuroo, the other middle blocker always had something else trailing after him; he thought, more than anything else, that Kuroo lived up to his family name, maybe more than that, like Kuroo was made to be _Kuroo,_ crafted from shadows and made to make deals, to hurt people. That existence, that purpose, confuses him as much as it interests him, Kuroo could have hurt him last night, when he was asleep, instead the older boy had assisted him. Kenma told him that it was the other boy that helped him though his lethargic state when he had been in Tokyo, that the Nekoma captain had rushed around with soup and ice packs until the only problem that he had was that he couldn't walk. Kuroo had disappeared after that, which would make him doubt Kenma's story if the older boy had ever lied to him before.

He takes the jacket with him, folded up until it was just a bundle of crimson and nothing more; the room for the Karasuno team is two doors down from where Kenma is, he's pretty sure that it's twisted irony that Akaashi-san's team is between the two doors. The setter offers him a wave that he almost ignores but quickly makes his way into room for a greeting, "Good morning, Shouyou-san." Akaashi greets, city accent dulled from the early hour but still polite and formal like always, Shouyou smiles easily at that, "You can just call me Shouyou, Akaashi-san." The older boy looks almost offended as he wipes crust from his eyes, "You can't call me Akaashi-san then expect me to call you _just_ Shouyou." The middle blocker shrugs, turning to walk away to do what he's supposed to be doing, "Wait." There's a moment of silence from the older boy and Shouyou takes that to turn around and look into almost blue eyes and a quivering lip. "Thank you, _Shouyou-"_ There's a pause in Akaashi-san's words, like the honorific is on the edge of his tongue but bitten into. The setter offers him a crooked smile that looks almost strained and Shouyou bows deeply, just to mess with the older boy, "No, thank _you,_ Akaashi-senpai."Undignified spluttering follows behind him as he makes his way into the hallway, his smile carries over to his team room and Shouyou wishes he didn't feel glad that he didn't see Bokuto-san.

His gym bag is carefully positioned between Daichi and Suga-san, he's pretty sure that the older boys already know what he was up to but something about their faces is unsettling to him. "Morning?" He offers carefully, letting his eyes flick from the captain to the vice-captain in between seconds. Suga cracks first, thin lips stretching into a grin that smells like eight hours of sleep, "Have a good night, Shouyou?" The middle blocker is pretty sure that the older boy is not talking about the consensus that they would be attacking Grand King in three weeks, the wiggling of dark eyebrows almost confirms it and his face starts to feel too warm in the coolness of the room. "Yes?" He offers, still treading carefully as he digs into his bag, Daichi doesn't say a word until his fingers wrap around hidden orange, the rattling muffled by another piece of red. "Shouyou?" Quiet, like Daichi is scared he might run off if he speaks too loudly; he glances up at his captain while he blindly twists the lid off, not daring to remove the brightness from the fabric prison, "Daichi?" He returns in the same tone, concealing beads of white in between his fingers before retracting his hands. Dark brows furrow like the older boy can't quite think of what to say, the moment lasts too long only to be shattered by Noya-senpai, Tanaka-senpai in tow, "Yo, Shouyou!" He watches Daichi's eyebrows crease even further before he turns his attention to his other teammates.

"Morning." He offers back, clenching fingers until nothing but skin is showing, the libero smiles something impossibly bright in return, "Isn't it beautiful?" The barely shorter boy is a heavy contrast to the quiet groaning the rest of the room is emitting and Shouyou finds him drawn to the brightness quickly, enough to distract him from Suga-san's knowing look and Daichi's odd expression. "It sure is!" Noya laughs loudly, making the room gron louder and Shouyou uses the moment his teammate leans his head back to swallow the clammy pills from his fingers. His smile falls into place while he suppresses the itching in his esophagus, "Let's go practice, Shouyou!" There's dry fingers clasping around his wrist before the words are out of Noya's mouth, Shouyou lets himself get dragged to the closest gym feeling confused and empty, if only in a physical sense. "Shouldn't we eat before we practice, Senpai?" He tries but there's already a ball being slammed in his direction; right away he notices something odd in his teammate's actions, something frantic and jerky in a way that Noya usually isn't, jumpy maybe, but never jerky. There's no time to ask questions though, ball after ball being tossed in almost random directions, he's pretty sure the point of the exercise is to tire him out but he can't figure out why.

He's more annoyed than exhausted by the time the libero guides him away from the gym, old sweat combined with new sweat in addition to his teammate's sweat are all mingling on his skin and Shouyou wants nothing more than to drown in boiling water for at least an hour. Instead, the barely shorter boy drags him to a breakfast that's just started, the room has the perpetual scent of rice attached to every fiber in the too small box; the urge to run returns when he can almost see that too short table and a too tall woman he doesn't recognize, there's commotion around him that doesn't sound like Natsu and that's enough to drag him away from overlapping voices from a lifetime ago. Noya drags him forward a second too soon and a weird noise croaks from his throat that draws too much attention, people he doesn't recognize are swarming over a steaming pot that Shouyou makes sure to lean away from before it drags him in.

Noya, acting out of mercy, though Shouyou thinks it might be an oblivious kind, grabs breakfast for the both of them. The bowl is more eggs than rice and Shouyou almost doesn't mind that they're raw and covered in equally raw soy beans, until he tastes them that is, his libero, somehow, is wolfing down the meal like it's been too long since he's last eaten and even that seems _off_ somehow. Something about this interaction sets him on edge, logically he knows that Noya would never hurt him on purpose, not even Tsukishima would do that but something about his senpai's actions are making him uneasy in a way he can't pinpoint. Even the conversation they have is weird, questions about where he was after practice, if he slept okay, only when Noya asks him about his arms does he realize what was actually happening. His t-shirt, loose as it is, has limits on how far it can stretch and refuses to cover his elbows let alone his forearms, Noya seems to notice the change and offers him a half smile. "Everything okay, Shouyou?" Warm in a way that Noya should be, he nods, half a lie but neither of them mention it. Fingers rougher than he's used to climb over the skin he wants to cover, faint pink lines that had been made out of desperation and fear, Noya touches them like they're not poisonous to look at.

"I used to do this." The other boy says suddenly, there's a look in his eyes that makes Shouyou think the libero isn't even here right now. "A long time ago." He says, like he's ancient instead of seventeen, "Not like this though, are those bite marks?" Shouyou nods, aware that he had no options other than choking down raw eggs and soy and that would only buy a few seconds. "It helps to talk about it." He thinks that the word might be a prompt, like he was supposed to talk about the night he saw red in front of fourteen... fifteen other people that could be listening. There's a long moment of just staring, at least twenty seconds where Shouyou finds Noya's hair more interesting than he should while avoiding wide brown eyes, the older boy talks first, his shoulders straightening until he has to look up at his senpai physically. "A few years ago," The older boy says with little context, "I think it might have been my second year of middle school? Or maybe my third-" Shaking a hand, Noya starts over, "I was in a dark spot, in a- uh, _group of people_." The boisterousness that Noya usually speaks with is gone, replaced with whispers Shouyou has to strain to hear, the older boy's gulp seems too loud but it only makes him lean forward until he can see the jitters in Noya's pupils. "God-" The libero runs a hand over his face quickly then looks back at him with something like fire in his eyes. "It was a uh, a gang, I guess."

Shouyou isn't really sure how he should react to those words, Noya always had a _look_ to him, wild as Daichi had put it but knowing there was something more didn't surprise him as much as it should. "We- I never got caught, Tokyo police, am I right?" There's a bitter laugh that turns his blood into lead, "I should have been, caught I mean." There's something in Noya's tone that he can't identify but his focus is drawn to the arms being displayed to him, "I tried to pay for it, with the hurting- it worked for a while, then it was only _me_ hurting because everyone else was..."

The other boy doesn't speak again, even when Shouyou finds himself pushing down the trembling limbs displayed for him. He lets his fingers linger on too thin lines, he assumes that a knife had caused these or something thinner, Noya had done everything with purpose, for selfless reasons that Shouyou didn't know about. He wanted to hate the older boy, for being noble and for doing something stupid, he knows it's stupid because there was nothing else it could be. There was nothing brave about _that_ act, seeing red meant being safe for him, red for his teammate meant repentance, something tells him that he'll need something a similar, a way out but he has three weeks to find it.

Noya doesn't push him to talk about it and the other boy doesn't offer any information on his life in Tokyo, he speculates the older boys problems instead of his own over breakfast, wonders if Noya's impolite accent is fabricated for protection. Shouyou thinks, for a moment, that he's seen the real Nishinoya, just a kid like him, dealing with problems that nobody knows about. Something dangerous lingers under the older boy's skin, twitches with energy the middle blocker doesn't understand. It draws him in more than he would like, the danger and excitement, even when he knows what it can do. Danger creates scars, marks on the skin that don't go away and can't be hidden, excitement that makes you forget that you're human, that's his take on danger, he's sure that Noya's is different in every single way.

"Asahi." The name is offered after they've left the small room that smells like childhood, "Asahi-san?" He repeats, adding the honorific because he's not particularly close to the ace after the bread incident. "That's who I talked to when I came to Karasuno, Asahi- he..." Noya's lips roll, exposing fractals of teeth for a second before the older boy's face ducks towards the ground. "He saw right through me, the moment I stepped into the gym, I could see it in his stupid eyes. I wanted to hate him when he asked me if I was okay, almost pulled a knife on him when he had me cornered." That bitter laugh makes a return and something tells him that his senpai still carries a knife, at this moment for sure. "He kept asking every. Single. Day." There's so much emphasis Shouyou is surprised that Asahi-san isn't dead by now, "I lied at first, I thought he was like, a narc, you know?" He ponders it for a moment, nodding slightly, he could see how someone would think that after disproving that Asahi-san was Yakuza. "Told him it was from hopping fences, which is technically legal... I think." Shouyou laughs, the other boy follows with something more earnest.

"He didn't believe that but I ain't no snitch, cuz." Shouyou has no idea how to interpret that but ends up nodding anyway, "Asahi threatened to have me kicked off the team, I told him where to shove it before I do it for him." He doesn't laugh at that, something feral in the other boy's eyes tell him not to. "Kiyoko found out, I think she might have seen it too, she showed up at my house one day and... I've loved her ever since." There's a weird blush on Noya's tilted cheeks, anguish and embarrassment that he knows a little too well. He thinks about the other boy's words for a second, wonders if Kiyoko had seen through him before she heard the screaming, knew what she was getting into before she even pushed open Sato's door. "I love Asahi, too. For being there, even when I hated every second of it." He's pretty sure there's a word for liking both genders but the name escapes him and he finds that he doesn't mind not putting Noya in boxes like _Gang Member_ and _Boy-Girl lover,_ he can just be senpai, the other boy has earned that much, at least.

"Why did you tell me?" They're back in the gym from before, the room is empty but still smells of sweat. Turning to his upperclassman, he takes in cocked shoulders and tilting eyebrows, "I can see through you, Shouyou, and I think, for the first time in a long time, that I'm scared." The words startle him, take him by surprise and then beat his head over with it until he can feel a headache forming, there's a second where he forgets to breathe and his next inhale is loud enough for Noya to take notice and step forward to grab onto his just higher shoulders. They tremble under his senpai's too strong grip, the muscles, he knows, are not from volleyball and he almost doesn't care. "You need to be careful, guys like Tetsurou are bad news." It takes a moment to wrap his head around that, the use of Kuroo's given name makes him think that there's more to it than _bad news_ , like old news, ancient news from a lifetime ago. "He was-?" Noya doesn't answer him and Shouyou should have expected the silence, the libero tosses him a ball and that's the only noise in the room until more of Karasuno shows up, as if drawn in by the silence and brooding.

Morning passes into evening before Shouyou can even remember how any of this started, blurs of _Don't Mind_ and the smell of icy hot numb him from enough that he can play, that he can jump, without thinking of flashes of light or seeing the countdown. _Three weeks._ His shoes squeak when he lands, propelling time back into normal speed and Shouyou stumbles half a step before jumping in front of someone's spike; he's not sure what is worse, his body screaming that he's going to hurt or everything else screaming that someone else is going to get hurt and he's doing nothing to stop it, he's pretty sure that the latter is worse when he factors in Noya's words about the Nekoma captain.

The team separates for dinner, Daichi's orders that they meet new people during this training camp and not waste it annoying each other, it's excuse enough for him to find Kenma and slide against the taller boy's side, Akaashi-san is there too, along with Bokuto-san, who Shouyou pretends not to ignore even when they all notice it. Akaashi-san is nice enough not to mention it in front of his captain and carefully slides a hand over Kenma's mouth before the words can come out in front of the boy in question. "Please don't hold a grudge against Bokuto-san, Shouyou." The older boy requests once the captain is off on a quest to find his  _precious_ kouhai some fruit milk to quench a questionable thirst. "Sorry." He offers and he is very much so sorry, even if he can't tell the stocky boy himself because the sensation of his head burning is never far off when Bokuto-san is too close to him. "He's harmless, off the court anyway." A glance under his feet shows that they're very much on a court, Akaashi's deadpan expression cuts his smile in half. 

"He's really drawn to you, I think he has a thing about people pulling away from him." Shouyou blinks at that, tries to examine Akaashi's expression the same way Kenma is doing, "You tried to pull away?" The blond boy asks in his place, Akaashi snorts, "More than that... Eventually, Bokuto-san ending up climbing to the second floor of our school to bring me lunch, then he asked me to set to him." Shouyou laughs quietly, wondering if Bokuto-san is even a real person or just a shared piece of their imagination. "I'm really trying." He says after he quiets down, Akaashi nods approvingly, "I can't ask for much more, he doesn't mean anything bad. I think he sees a friend in you." The words are perplexing in every sense, Bokuto-san was tall, warm and smelled like ice cream for no reason, Shouyou didn't really know how to describe himself, not broken but something close, scared too, nervousness tying those things together. Kenma helped with those things but they always lingered and they had more presence when he was near the strange haired captain, not that he would admit that to Akaashi-san or Bokuto-san. 

"We're going into the far gym after dinner, I think you should join us. You're welcome to join us, Kenma--" Shouyou was pretty sure he could see the honorific attempting to slip through Akaashi's teeth. Something in the other boy's words make it seem more like a command than an invite, he really wishes he knew how to do that; he resigns himself to his fate, nodding to make Akaashi-san smile politely, Kenma shrugs noncommittally, like he already knows that he would be begged there if only so Shouyou could see his face while being too close to Bokuto-san. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally have no concept of time, I was PRETTY sure it was like, two days since I've updated only to find that it's actually been double that, if not more. I am so sorry? Three weeks, huh? Wonder how that's going to go down.


	43. Chapter Forty-Three

**Chapter Forty-Three**

Noya drags him to a different room for dinner and he drags Kenma to that same place, it's an identical room to the one from yesterday but it lacks the tension and stares- and the panic, Kenma separates him from Tsukishima, who keeps glancing at him; Shouyou is pretty sure he's not supposed to notice, even when the other middle blocker is doing a very bad job at hiding his looks. Everything is not _weird_ other than that, bowls are passed one by one until the first one is about to reach him and is abruptly jerked away by long fingers. There's a flash of white, too white that is now shaking, Shouyou glances into gold and can feel Kenma's hesitance as if it were his own. "Kenma?" He tries, not really sure how to feel about his protector refusing him food. Kenma's throat shifts, a swallow loud enough to make Tsukishima cringe beside them, "Uh-" The older boy explains quickly, before his lips slide shut, there's a shifting in Kenma's facial muscles, rolling his mouth and wiggling his nose before a big sigh comes out. "It's rice." Kenma finally says, Shouyou flinches, though he's not sure why.

"I'll be fine."

Kenma doesn't look convinced.

"He's not here." The words are harsh but he doesn't mean them to be, he knows Bokuto-san didn't _mean_ to do anything wrong, but there's still something that sets him on edge when the older boy is around, like two realities threatening to collide whenever the older boy speaks. There's another sigh and a half curious look from Tsukishima before the bowl is put in front of him, Kenma grabs onto his hand, slipping chopsticks from one sweaty palm into another and Shouyou feels his blood starting to pump a little slower. "It'll be fine." He promises, even when he's not sure of that himself. The older boy sees through him easily, like Shouyou knows he would, he offers a smile and Kenma just turns away with a roll of his eyes. The middle blocker is pretty sure that he sees a familiar quirk of lips before Kenma's face turns into sweaty hair, smiling is a little easier after that.

"Thank you for the meal!" The room bellows before he even glances down at the table, familiar tones draw his attention and he easily finds out why Noya-senpai decided to drag him here. The Karasuno team looks at him in the same way that he looks at him, curious and a little shocked; he finds Daichi's gaze easily, the older boy offers him a stern faced nod, rice already hanging from his cheek. He nods back, equally as stone faced and the older boy rolls his eyes, Suga-san nods to him, easy and warm smile that makes him a little uneasy with guilt. Kenma draws his attention after that, golden irises rubbing away guilt until its barely there, the older boy glances down at the table, gesturing him to eat, his gaze doesn't follow as easily, still worried he might hear too many voices when he does.

The bowl is less white than he remembers when he finally manages to force his eyes in that direction, crisp green and sizzling brown stain areas where too much white had been settled before, he's not really sure how Kenma had done that without him noticing and he worries a little that his spacing out is going to cause an _episode._ "Shouyou." Not-Kenma says before he even manages to spread his chopsticks between his fingers, his head flicks in the voice's direction and lands on Tsukishima, curious gaze replaced with irritation. "Eat." The taller boy commands, a weird sneer rippling at crooked lips. He does but not because Tsukishima told him to, little bites that are carefully observed by the other middle blocker, "Good boy." There's a barely there change in tone that makes his gut curl strangely around lettuce and strips of beef.

"Kenma?" The blond boy turns back to him, echoes of a hard look following the flicking of hair, there's a hum of acknowledgement and inquiry wrapped into one while long fingers settle on his thigh. "You need to eat, too." His voice is quiet and almost shaky but gesturing to Kenma's bowl draws the older boy's attention well enough. Unfamiliar color spreads across Kenma's cheeks, "Right." A nod confirming his own words that makes Shouyou a little nervous, he waits until Kenma swallows his first morsel before making his move, settling his fingers over the back of Kenma's hand. Golden eyes lock onto his, locked features that only twitch when he isn't looking at them. "Are you okay?" He asks, words odd when they're not in Kenma's voice. There's a stiff nod that indicates otherwise before the older boy turns back to his meal, Shouyou follows the action, resorting to using his left hand to pick at his food so he can keep his right one wrapped in the older boy's fingers. The process of eating is much slower and easily draws notice from smirking teammates that he ignores along with the heat spreading across his cheeks, he's pretty sure he knows what Kenma was weird about earlier.

"So." Tanaka-senpai erupts when he's resorted to stabbing his food instead of picking it up, "So." Someone else echoes, sounding amused. "Something you'd like to tell us, Shouyou?" There's a series of snickers before someone adds, "Kenma?" The hand under his grows restless and Shouyou squeezes long fingers in as much of a reassuring gesture as he can give. "Nope." He quips, continuing to ignore imploring looks and the fact that Kenma's cheeks are as red as his own. "Nothing?" Tsukishima prods, "Nothing at all?" The other middle blocker sounds too smug for his liking but he ignores that too. "Shouyou?" Kenma asks, sounding equally uncomfortable and annoyed, he glances up at the older boy silently, not sure how to respond. There's a million words written in gold but Shouyou can't read any of them, "You should tell your team." Translated as if Kenma knows what he's thinking. Shouyou is pretty sure there's a lot he should be telling his team, the origin of his marks, that he was kicked out, that he had ripped his own skin off because he was lonely, that he was scared of someone for no reason, that he made a deal to hurt someone.

"I love Kenma." He says instead of following the hundred suggestions rippling across his tongue, he expects disgust and calculated distance, for dating the enemy who is also a _boy_ enemy but the room is quiet and lacks the tension that he had been anticipating. "And?" Suga-san prompts. A glance at the older boy reveals another unsettling smirk, "Kenma loves me?" He offers, not sure what else there is to be said besides the truth. The room is quiet after that, he wonders if he said the wrong thing and a trembling settles into his bones under the scrutiny of his teammates. He watches as Noya jumps to his feet, presence punctuated with a growl and a gleam of teeth that he only just catches, the libero is behind Kenma in half a second and Shouyou feels the air start to crackle around them. "It was you!" The growling timbre makes him notice how _feral_ his teammate looks, "N-Noya?" He half squeaks, trying to draw the older boy's attention as much as he's trying to avoid it. "You sick bastard!" The words stab into him, one by one until that trembling turns into icy stillness. _This_ is not what he had expected at all when he introduced his team to Kenma. "Excuse me?" Kenma's tone is cold, more chilling than what's in his guts right now, frightening in a way that he's never seen before. The setter is standing now, spare centimeters making him tower over Noya in more than one way, "You're the one who-" The libero seems to realize where they are, Shouyou can just tell from the widening of darkened eyes and glances away from the two boys to glance at the shocked looks of his teammates. All of them looking like Noya had just voiced their thoughts. "It's not like that!" He jumps up now, attempting to push his arm between Noya's chest attempting to collide with Kenma's only to get stopped by long fingers across his ribs.

"Shouyou," Kenma says, soft as possible despite the tension and calm in a way he shouldn't be. "I think I need to speak with your teammate." Noya scoffs, he's pretty sure that spittle flicks off the older boy's chin and into the heavy air between them. "Ain't nothing to talk about! You're the one who-" There's a growl that vibrates the hairs on his arms and Shouyou takes a step back. "Nishinoya!" Daichi bellows, angry but not cold, the libero doesn't falter and leans forward until his forehead is practically pressing against Kenma's chin. "Come on, city boy." The libero hisses, jamming his shoulder against Kenma's taller one and leading the way out of the room. Kenma follows, a dangerous air around him that Shouyou is drawn to as much as he is terrified of. "Don't, Shouyou." Kenma says, calm and soft that contradicts the fierceness in unfamiliar golden irises.

He really hopes he was wrong about Noya actually carrying a knife.

There's an unsettling energy in his limbs after the two boys leave, his legs beg him to follow his protector but the older boy's orders keep him from opening the door that had been slammed shut. "Shouyou?" Suga-san asks, suddenly _there_ and lingering over his shoulder with warm arms. "He's not-" His explanation is cut off with muffled shushes, steady breaths heating up the tips of his hair. "Suga-san?" He asks, too many questions in one. The setter is quiet despite his pleading, "You don't think-?" Shouyou isn't sure what he's asking entirely or if the older boy is even aware of _anything_ that's going on. "They're just talking, Shouyou." He nods even if he doesn't believe it for a second, the last time he had _talked_ there had been a plan with nine people about hurting Grand King. "It'll be fine." Suga-san promises, as if he held all the control. There's a long silence but questions travel through glances like static, Suga-san tries to keep his mind off of it, insisting that he eat the rest of his dinner but the idea of eating is repulsive enough that the middle blocker pushes his bowl away when Suga-san insists for the third time.

He waits at least three minutes before the need to find the other boys is making his feet itch, Suga seems to sense his unease before he does and grabs onto his wrist before he makes it a step towards the door, "They're fine, Shouyou!" Suga-san insists but he can't find a way to explain that the older boy doesn't _know_ anything. "I can't just sit here!" He snaps back, making an attempt to jerk his hand away but Suga-san's arm follows. "Technically, you're standing." A voice quips from the table, he sends a sharp look in that direction before his attention is tugged back to the silver haired boy in front of him. "You don't understand!" He tries but Suga's grip only tightens. "Nobody understands anything, Shouyou!" He flinches from the retort but only because Suga-san's lips hadn't moved. A glance at the table from around the setter reveals the quaking form of Yamaguchi, "Y-You're hiding things and _lying!_ You leave practice early and Kageyama said you jumped out of a window, do you even care, Shouyou? About us?" The air in the room seems heavier under Yamaguchi's narrowed eyes. "Of course!" He shouts back, confused and hurt, scared more than anything because Yamaguchi had always kept his head where it belonged. "Then why don't you act like it!" The words shatter anything and everything, Shouyou feels himself start crumbling until he's melted onto the ground, still pinned under the other boy's eyes. "You never tell us anything, about the marks. We wouldn't have cared if you were-" The taller boy's hands clench into fists, white like stone and trembling with rage.

"Tell us what's going on." Yamaguchi's anger dissipates with his words, tense shoulders slumping and something in the taller boy's eyes change; he's expecting a lot of things out of Yamaguchi, a good serve, a decent teammate, a friendly personality. This is not someone he knows, Shouyou is sure of that as much as he is unsure of anything going on around him these days. "I-" Escapes him before he can help it and he knows that he's trapped, that he would have to tell them _something._

"You don't know anything." There's a laugh, a sick bitter thing he can't trace for almost too long, he thinks it might be out of fear. An odd shifting of confusion and anger bristles like a prodded wave, " _Anything."_ He cements. The room _roars_ as he turns his back, the shock taking even Suga-san by surprise long enough for him to take his arm back before the older boy even thinks to notice, the door is sliding shut behind him before he can see everything fall apart. He can hear it though, as he walks away, walks towards the last gym where Akaashi-san is lingering, looking calm but uncomfortable, "You look like crap." The older boy offers in greeting, the quirk in his lips and the vividness of his almost blue eyes show nothing but good humor, something that he's in desperate need of at the moment. "Yeah! Like shit!" Bokuto-san chirps, appearing from the shadows like a wild animal. Shouyou laughs, he hates how it sounds like the bitter cackling from before but the action feels nice, like he's releasing something that's been pent up for years. Bokuto-san laughs too, warm and hearty, Shouyou's not sure why he expected anything different.

The gym doors slide open and Shouyou steps inside, a weird smile cracking on his lips, it feels dangerous to have it on, wearing it like a crest, knowing that his team is going to be _pissed._ Something in him tells him not to care, that everything would fix itself before he knows it and he believes that voice enough that he accepts Bokuto-san's fist bump and an offer to teach him how to perform a legendary straight. The practice, something that went from a dreaded to desperately needed in the events of an hour, is intense, fast and Shouyou loves every moment of it. Sweat that had dried up and flaked off was layered over, his body heaved in a way that seemed almost cruel, Akaashi-san, easily one of the smartest people he had ever met, kept setting balls though, so Shouyou kept chasing them. Bokuto-san encouraged him to the point where he embraced those things, that not feeling like mush would be _weird._ It's distraction enough until he realizes that an hour has passed and Kenma was nowhere to be seen.

"Wait!" He calls, humor thrown across the room and nowhere to be seen in an instant, "I need to check on something." He offers to them, forming a grip on the gym door but his hands are too slippery and too weak, "Kenma-san?" Akaashi-san says, apparently more good at reading people than Shouyou had thought earlier. "Did something happen, Shouyou?" There's a pregnant half step of silence while Akaashi-san tugs the door open for him, a place for the honorific to run and hide while the door creaks open. "Yes-to both." He offers but nothing more, letting himself slide through the just big enough gap the door provides with Akaashi-san's second tug. "Everything is fine though," He calls over his shoulder, "They don't know _anything."_ There's another laugh, an imitation of Bokuto-san's, just because he likes how it sounds, even when it sounds sinister when lit only by the moon. "We'll be in here, Shouyou!" The middle blocker isn't sure where _here_ is but he easily waves the older boys off while his instincts lead him on barely lit paths around the school, attempting to deduce where Noya would take Kenma for an _hour._

Finding them was easy enough, getting to them proved to be the real challenge, voices emitted from nothing but darkness held his answer. Shouyou was close enough to hear the inflection in Kenma's tone, each crisp twist of words that he barely recognizes because they don't sound like Kenma's words, they're colder in a way he doesn't understand. Noya's words are harsh, slung out like insults while he threatens the other boy's very existence. ''-Can't explain but you're gonna say you _didn't_ do it." He catches from the fort of shadows, he's pretty sure that one of them is leaning against the blackened brick wall in front of him. The spot easily fills with insults and slurs that seem far too vulgar for even Noya-senpai but Shouyou refuses to blow his cover until the boys are done talking. "I know _who,_ I don't know why, Nishinoya-san." The formality makes him cringe but fills him with dread all the same, Kenma's dangerous tone amplified with proper name usage sends something like lightning up his spine until he has to sit down under the street lamp he's leaning against. "Tell me who, then, you coward!" There's a growl, a shifting of material that makes him think that Noya had just grabbed onto his protector.

He's there before he can think of _not_ being there, in the shadows, doing the thing he does best in the entire world. Jumping. Only it's in front of a swinging fist instead of a ball, his shoulder collides with Noya's stomach and sends the older boy toppling onto the grass. "Don't!" He yells, because somebody has to. "Shouyou?" Two voices call, both shocked and almost scared. "I can tell you." He says instead of answering, "But you have to promise to keep it to yourself. Senpai promise." He thinks it's dirty but he knows that it will work. Noya's eyes gloss over, anger and concern that shimmers like the moon. A nod. "Grand King." He sighs. Shouyou's never noticed before but his senpai has a very expressive face, open for him to read while he's sitting on the older boy's hip, preventing him from attacking Kenma again. "Oi-Oikawa?" The older boy splutters, shocked, _who wouldn't be,_ he rationalizes. Shouyou nods this time, slowly, feels something weird slither into his heart with the weight of someone _knowing._ "He hurt you?" Blunt but not harsh, almost raised in pitch that makes him more concerned for Noya than anything else. He nods, feels sweaty clumps of hair tumbling forward until he can barely see the boy under him. "How long?" Shouyou laughs, that same weird one that sounds like Bokuto-san's. He's not even sure when it all started, much less sure of anything when the darkness is creeping over his skin.

Standing up, he offers the older boy his trembling hand, his senpai takes it almost immediately and helps himself to his feet, Shouyou leads the way out of the darkness, into the flickering lamp light he had been stalling in earlier. There's a dull yellow glow that settles over them, the older boys look like an ancient photograph, rough around the edges and wrinkly, worried captured in dim lights. "Too long." He offers as half an explanation, not sure if he should tell them anything more because Noya seemed like the type to run straight to Aoba Johsai and throttle the captain. "Since Interhigh." Is his final answer, _those_ words are on his tongue, a finite description of how terrifying Grand King had been on that day. The acidic tone and the _not wrong_ words that had settled in his head until he had said _yes._ Noya makes a noise, half growl and half gasp, he almost hugs the older boy but shaking fists and trembling shoulders make him take a step back, thoughts of Yamaguchi calling him out too fresh in his mind. _I need to apologize,_ he knows that, not sure why the thought decides to repeat itself until he realizes that he has nothing to apologize for.

"I'm sorry." He offers to his upperclassman, a sole voice who _knew_ but couldn't tell, just like him. There's a stiff nod that Shouyou thinks reflects more than it would like, the libero moves to walk away but stops in his tracks, "Nishinoya-san," Kenma calls, voice smooth and low. Unusual. "If it makes you feel any better, Oikawa Tooru won't be around much longer." Shouyou's heart stops for a second and doesn't pick up for another ten, he can see the words rolling over the air, a sick promise that makes his gut curl until it's cramping. His senpai turns around, teeth gleaming like silver in the yellow light above them, "I'll make o' that." The older boy explains, tone _too_ cheery for Shouyou too appreciate at the moment.

The older boy _whistles_ as he walks away, something he doesn't recognize but sounds _happy._ He wants Noya-senpai to be happy, he's just not sure the older boy can manage to do that _now._ "Kenma?" He asks, though he's not sure what he's asking of his protector. There's arms around his waist before he can tense up, long fingers digging into too many scars but Shouyou's not uncomfortable, not entirely, "Shouyou?" The older boy's voice is like gravel now, pressed against his ear with crisp hairs brushing against his own. "Akaashi-san- practice, I mean." There's a groan, something too light for what just happened but a chin thumps against his neck, over another scar and the older boy leads him towards the last gym, their fingers intertwined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate how trashy I am lmao, like, this chapter is short af and it makes me a little sad but it's a pretty good stopping point. Also, I wanted to do fluff really badly but then, you know, crazy senpai had to ruin it. Oh well. :D Also, if you guys want to like, add me on Snapchat, let me know. I'll give you pictures of all that wacky shit I do.


	44. Chapter Forty-Four

** Chapter Forty-Four **

Something about being in Tokyo sheds a weird light on Kenma, he can't really explain it but the older boy is definitely acting _different._ He's even less sure if that's a good or a bad thing, one part of him would like to think it's a good thing, that his protector is making friends and acquaintances, even if that gregariousness only falls onto one other team. Akaashi-san's team, to be exact. On the other hand, Kenma is only talking to _one_ team and it's not his own, or Karasuno for that matter, the older boy dismisses his own teammates and _glares_ at any approaching crows, especially Tsukshima, though Shouyou has a hard time blaming him, he would probably do the same thing if he didn't wither under the taller boy's looks _every_ time. More importantly, he's not sure if he should be prying or not, friends are good for people but ignoring teammates lead to nothing but trouble. They've both had more than enough of that and were about to jump into more. _Three weeks._ He knows that it's actually less than that, that the training camp was half over and everything would be even more tense when the week ended. Shouyou isn't sure what to do and it's not like he has anyone to _talk_ about Kenma with, besides Kenma.

"Yo!" Light panting sends goosebumps rippling across his entire body, the urge to look up at the person dies down when he catches flashes of dark skin and wiry limbs. "Kuroo." He greets to the older boy's shoes instead of gleaming chopper eyes that hold that _sadistic_ quality that he's been running from since he can remember. "Ah, Shouyou, that's no way to greet someone who's helping you, is it?" Several sets of footsteps stomp past and he's unsure if the emphasis in Kuroo's tone was obvious to anybody but him, "Sorry." He mutters in return, still unable to look at features too sharp and shadowed. "Kenma's looking for you." Kuroo says _softly,_ still deep and still terrifying in the way that makes his heart beat too fast, if it was a trick, it had worked, Shouyou managed a barely there glance over the Nekoma captain's face, saw too much dark skin and gleaming teeth that he ran away before he could think of anything else. A loud chuckle follows him, _like barking._

He finds Kenma in the Nekoma room, empty classroom turned into a den of unsettling gazes and messy hair. The older boy is leaning against the wall, same wall panel as the one from the other night. _To protect our Shouyou._ The words seem from almost nowhere, the cracks in ceiling tiles and carried by stale air blown by too ancient fans, "Kenma?" He asks, drawing the attention of three other boys, one of which is Nekoma's libero, who is still in the habit of staring him down every time they see each other, though he's not entirely sure _why._ Kenma's blond hair flicks at the call of his name, beeping from his cell phone fades into nothing and he's being beckoned forward by long fingers, "Shouyou." Kenma says and not much else, they had been separated for most of the morning, their teams set up against other ones, though he's sure that's by design instead of a way to inconvenience _just_ them, even if it feels like it. He finds a heartbeat as easily as he finds his way into the older boy's lap, "How was your morning?" The questions seems almost stupid coming from Kenma, the older boy almost too blunt for small talk, "Terrible, I think?" Kenma's nose huffs against his neck but he lets his attention get sucked into the flashing lights of Kenma's cell phone. "My team is... _tense,_ I guess would be the word, like they're really mad." The _at me_ was left off, his voice drying up before he could actually voice the rest of his sentence, Kenma seems to understand it though. "It's uncommon." _Maybe not,_ he thinks, wondering if the older boy had even been listening. "Between us, I mean." Shouyou hums noncommittally, something he's learned through their _uncommon_ something. "My dad's religion says that people of the same gender can't _love_ each other- not like _that,_ anyway." He rolls Kenma's words over in his mind carefully, there's not a response that he finds appropriate. "Do you think that?" He asks, a stupid question to buy time, the older boy's body shrugs against his. "I used to but it was more work to care than not, so-" Shouyou shrugs in reply, "Lazy Kenma." He teases, Kenma just hums in reply, long thumb dragging over his phone screen.

"That's not the truth." Kenma says after an easy silence, the middle blocker holds back a yawn, glances over his shoulder to glance at twitching chin muscles. "About love." Shouyou nods, not sure if he should be saying anything, "My brother was like us, a lot like us, actually." There's a stained amusement that sounds too bitter in Kenma's tone and leaves his tongue feeling sour, "You have a brother?" He's pretty sure that Kenma said he was an only child at one point, "He left us, because of _this."_ Long fingers twine into his own. _Love._ "He loved someone?" Kenma scoffs, with resignation older than both of them, "He couldn't handle both, being religious and being like us." It's weird, he thinks, that there are people with a relationship like his with Kenma, even if it's not exactly the same. "When did he leave?" He hopes the question isn't too personal or reopens any closed doors. Kenma's body shifts against his, he can just make out a faster heartbeat, "My seventh birthday." The words are simple but Shouyou's more focused on the fact that he _doesn't know Kenma's birthday_ and wondering if it's a good idea to even ask. "When _is_ your birthday, Kenma?" He tries to make the question as light as possible, throwing in a smile that holds too much weight to be held up for long.

"About three weeks from now." Shouyou is pretty sure this is what people call a _psychotic break,_ when you start hearing things that aren't there. "I'm sorry?" Kenma laughs, "Three weeks or so, Shouyou." _That would mean?_ He thinks he knows about Kenma's weird light now, if only just a fraction of the spotlight. "Why?" He asks before he realized he was going to, the older boy's body squirms under his, long fingers find their way onto his stomach, past the thin layer of a practice jersey and he can feel just how warm Kenma's fingers actually are. "I want my birthday to mean something." Shouyou ponders that for a moment, his own birthday had been spent with a clenching gut and chalky rice, it hadn't been a Sunday so his mother hadn't shown up and nobody on the team knew when his birthday was- The middle blocker nods, "I think I get it." _And his brother left on his birthday._ "How old are you going to be?" The setter had this weird face where he could look anywhere from twelve to thirty, not that he would tell Kenma that. "Eighteen." The words sound odd, laced with pain for a moment before he realizes that it's just him in pain.

Kenma's fingers are on his sides, sliding across closed over scars that spell out too much in a jumbled mess of blackened indentations. "Kenma?" He asks, the older boy going quiet to the point where Shouyou was worried the older boy was still breathing. "Let me see." It sounds like a command as much as a suggestion, a tone he recognizes from his first trip to Tokyo. _I don't want people hurting you._ Shouyou slides off of Kenma's lap, lets the older boy position him against the wall, Kenma's chest is used as a shield from prying eyes while his long fingers dig at too thin protection. "I-" He's not sure what he was going to say, all thoughts drying up when stale air ghosts over his exposed stomach.

He watches the older boy squirm above him, wringing his jersey with long fingers, angry red spreading across his cheeks. "He did this?" Shouyou wants to pretend that he has no idea what's happening, that this had just been someone else in a Kenma suit, Kenma did not get angry and use that sharp whisper that could cut through anything. The middle blocker nods, wishing he had somewhere to hide but Kenma's hips are pinning his to the floor. Golden irises dart over his skin, leaving traces of ashes because Kenma's gaze is that _furious,_ fingers follow after, half warm and so slow they leave phantom sensations over the scars. "I should-" Kenma stops, a new crease in his brow, "You may not think it, but- But Oikawa needs to pay for this." The conviction in Kenma's tone frightens him, frightens both of them judging from the trembling in the older boy's fingers.

Gritty friction works up his chest, his body jerking in odd directions _away_ from the touch despite his wanting to stay completely still. "You're so-" Kenma's fingers pause over his heart, hands shadowing over most of the exposed skin, "You mean everything to me, Shouyou." He's thankful, for that moment, that Kenma's eyes are on his body instead of attempting to lock gazes. _Everything_ was a lot different than being loved, Natsu had loved him and she didn't know anything about him, his mother had loved him at one point, he thinks, and she had threw him out. Kenma loves him more than that. _More than anything,_ he realizes.

"You're crying." Kenma comments, intense tone still there but in the background of sudden concern, Shouyou drags his arm across itching eyes until his wrist collects embarrassing smears of moisture, "Sorry." He croaks, wondering why not being able to breathe could feel _good_ in any instance. "You don't need to apologize to me, you know that." He nods, Kenma always tells him that, "Sorry." He echoes, wry enough that Kenma sighs, even with the smirk twitching on his lips, lips that are getting closer.

Kenma's eyes are hypnotizing as they approach, precious metals getting bigger and wider until he can feel Kenma's skin pressing against the messy mass of his hair. "Shouyou?" Kenma asks, what was in the background had completely disappeared, Kenma sounds like _Kenma_ again and he's not sure why that makes him sad. "Yeah?" He answers instead of pressing the centimeter that would connect their faces and quiet the world for a second or two. "Promise me something." _Promises are not deals._ He has to remind himself when his heart starts tripping in his chest, his nod brushes his nose against Kenma's, "Anything." He says, trying to put as much meaning into a single word as he can. Kenma sucks in a deep breath, pulls back only to sink lower, those lips against his ear instead, "When this is over, promise you won't hate me?"

Shouyou almost laughs, in fact, he tries very hard not to laugh, Kenma isn't an idiot, he know that for certain and even with the undertone in Kenma's voice, the question sounds so _stupid._ "I can't hate you." It's the truth and he thinks if there's ever a right moment to use it, now would be the best time because there was no way that he would tell Kenma something this embarrassing with a roomful of people again. "You should." Kenma says instead of kissing him, "Why?" He questions after a moment of consideration, enough of a pause to make Kenma's hands sweaty against his rib cage. "We're- _I_ planned to hurt someone, Shouyou." Shouyou is _inclined_ to agree, "You said he deserves it." Can recall that instance clearly, the tone standing out the most in the memory, more than the scars and the chilling edge in Kenma's eyes. Kenma nods beside him, their cheeks rubbing together and Shouyou is pretty sure that the slickness isn't from his own skin.

"I-" He tries but a sick noise from Kenma shuts him up almost instantly, the older boy's chest quakes above him and skin jumps from his touch when his fingers land on Kenma's back, trying to rub soothingly, though he's not sure how to do that or if it's working. "You're such a fucking idiot." He says, not for the first time to the older boy, Kenma's body lurches closer to him, a weird rumbling he thinks might be a laugh crawls into his eardrums. "I told you I wasn't smart." Shouyou remembers that, he also remembers every moment where Kenma handled everything _perfectly,_ including him. "You're not _really_ an idiot." He says like it's a compliment, Kenma hums in reply and the warmth is gone. He watches the older boy wipe gleaming wetness from his cheeks and eyes, _it's weird,_ he thinks, to find Kenma's _crying_ attractive but the shining in the older boy's eyes is distracting and _amazing,_ even when it shouldn't be. Kenma makes a noise that couldn't be attractive in a million years then slides off of him, "We should probably go _practice_ or something."

"Kenma?" He asks once they're both standing and he's pretty sure that the older boy grew since they last saw each other, if only a millimeter. Gold plates glance at him, considering him, "Shouyou?" Kenma asks back. He glances around the _Nekoma room,_ at the people attempting to ignore them, "Can I kiss you?" He asks the stupid, stupid question quietly but the flinching from Kenma's teammates tell him that it hadn't been quietly enough. Kenma rolls his lips, like he's considering it then nods but doesn't move, with a roll of his eyes, Shouyou leans onto his toes to press his lips against the older boy's. It's warm and one of them has chapped lips but he's not sure who. "Practice!" He chirps into Kenma's face, bending down to pull on his shirt before he drags his protector away from lazy teammates.

They find Akaashi-san and Bokuto-san in the last gym, the older boys don't seem to notice their arrival and Shouyou leads his protector to the side lines where they catch the tail end of one of Bokuto-san's spikes, so powerful that the empty room echoes with it for a few seconds. He may not be especially fond of Bokuto-san at the moment but he had to admit that the spiker was impressive, he's pretty sure that Kenma thinks so too, even if the older boy is remaining as quiet as he is. "Kenma-san." Akaashi-san says and suddenly almost blue eyes are locked onto them like Akaashi-san had known the entire time, Shouyou thinks he might have, probably. "Yes?" Kenma grunts as informally as possible, only just keeping it a question. "Kuroo Tetsurou is your captain, right?" Kenma nods, eyebrows climbing slowly up his blank face, but Shouyou ignores that and Akaashi-san while panic claws up his spine, ice that feels too hot under his skin leaves him begging for air silently, he knows that even if Kenma _couldn't_ find out, that the older boy would figure out _something_ if he kept having these _reactions_ to just a name. _Calm down,_ he tries to tell himself but it doesn't work. "Tell him something for me, will you?" Kenma nods, a hand moving to settle on his hip like the older boy can _sense_ his panic, Shouyou thinks it might be possible, breathing is just manageable with Kenma's long fingers there but not touching _there._ "He's a pain in the ass." One of his only thoughts is that _that_ could be literally, that the Nekoma captain could finish what the Seijoh captain started. _You're mine now._ He doesn't feel like practicing anymore, not with the dragging across his skin or the flashes of light he knows aren't there.

"You okay, Shouyou-chan?" Not-Kenma asks, that realization sets him on edge, closes his body up as much as it makes him crumble, "Yes." He lies, wishing there was enough air in his lungs to tell Bokuto-san _never_ to call him that, but there isn't, so he doesn't. "Practice?" He all but begs, even while he knows that doing that while on the edge of a _panic attack_ would lead to nothing but trouble, there are noises he can't decipher even if he can recognize who they're from. "You should sit down, Shouyou." Kenma says and the middle blocker finds the strength to open his eyes, though he's not sure when they had even closed.

His body is shifted onto the stiff flatness of a bench, he can feel too many eyes on him but he focuses on locking gazes with Kenma long enough to tell the older boy that he's alright. The older boy's reply is laced with skepticism, "Do you want to go lie down, Shouyou?" His head is shaking but the actual feeling is delayed to the point where he wonders if he's actually alive right now. "I'll be fine." He mumbles against inquisitive fingers against his face, there's a nod he can't see but can feel and Kenma takes a step back. "If you need me?" He nods in reply, glad that these are one of the things that hadn't changed since this training camp started. Kenma would help him if he needed it.

It takes him a moment to find the strength to open his eyes again but he's pretty sure that it was longer than just a moment, since Kenma is approaching him instead of walking away but the sweat is more of a giveaway than anything else, "Kenma." He greets as the older boy takes the empty spot next to him, Shouyou finds his head on Kenma's shoulder before the older boy has even completely sat down. "Tired?" Kenma asks and he shrugs in return, not completely sure what's wrong with him at the moment. "Kuroo and- that one are here." Shouyou forbids his body to have a reaction, clenching every muscle until the urge disappears along with Kenma's statement. "That one?" He asks because looking over at the net is more work than he thought it would be. "Your tall- friend?" He's pretty sure he has a lot of tall friends, Noya is even taller than him with his hair up. "Blond." Kenma comments after a moment of silence, "Glasses." After another. "He's not my friend." Shouyou deadpans when he realizes the answer, _stupid Tsukishima._ "Why's he even here?" Kenma shrugs slow enough for him to feel rather than see. "Bokuto-san wanted to play two on two and I didn't want to play." There's a hum following Kenma's words that makes him think there's more to it than that but he doesn't ask.

"They think I did it." Kenma says instead of what was lingering in his hum before, Shouyou pauses for a second, "Do they?" He asks honestly, everyone was being civil, nice even, nothing to indicate that they had _discovered an issue_ , even one that wasn't there. "Are you sure?" He asks, not disbelieving just shocked, maybe. Kenma nods, "Except your captain and Nishinoya-san." He still thinks it's weird hearing the libero's entire family name coming out of someone's mouth _and_ with an honorific attached to it, unironically at that. "You talked with Daichi?" Kenma snorts sharply, "I talked with Daichi, alright." There's amusement in the older boy's tone that drains all of the humor from his entire body. "You didn't tell them?" He asks, attempting to sound as casual as possible despite the _terror_ gripping at his entire body. "No." Is the answer but it doesn't help, too many scenarios where the team finds out _everything._

"Why didn't you?"

"Why didn't _you?"_

He supposed that he walked right into that one, it wasn't Kenma's job to tell them everything, anything really. "I'm not sure." He says, even when he's sure that Kenma wasn't looking for an answer. Kenma shrugs again, lifting his head with a warm shoulder until the court in front of them almost looks like it's on the ground again. "I don't want them to hate me." It's half a lie and the older boy catches it almost instantly, "And?" He prompts, Shouyou isn't sure how to answer even if he knows the words, "You don't want anyone to get hurt." Kenma provides for him, he nods. "It's more than that." The older boy says eventually, "You don't want anyone to get _involved."_ He's not sure if that means anything, he's involved with his team everyday. "If they don't know, everyone is going to get hurt, Shouyou."

Shouyou stands and Kenma follows like a shadow, his fists are shaking as he tries to look at any place where the older boy isn't. "I said _yes!"_ He screams into the void between them, Kenma takes a step back and Shouyou barely makes out the sound of the older boy's legs colliding with the solidness of the bench over the echoing hiss of his own words. "I said yes." He says, quieter, polite as the conversation should have gone. Then he says it again, and again, and again until his throat is too sore to continue.

"You didn't know." Kenma says, like it's supposed to mean anything. "You didn't know what you were getting into. You're not supposed- It's not supposed to _hurt_ when you're with someone, Shouyou." He's not sure he's ever heard Kenma _yell_ at him before and they're drawing the attention of the people in front of him, can feel Kuroo's gaze like it's putting a physical weight on his skin. The setter in front of him is red in the face, with eyebrows clenched so hard his skin is twitching, the frown, he thinks, is the most distinctive until he finds his eyes trapped under Kenma's, _molten_ gold that makes him wish he could sink into the floor and never come up. "I'm sorry." He offers, even when he knows that that is the opposite of what Kenma wants to hear. "Nobody deserves to get hurt, especially you, you _idiot."_ The word is like a slap- no, more like a punch and he can almost feel the sting that shouldn't be there.

"Why?" He hisses back, every word he's been trying to bury is squirming to the surface. _Slut. Whore. Freak. Mine._ Kenma growls at him, like a wild animal, long fingers messing with his hair until he looks the part as well, "You got kicked out of your home, dealing with mental issues, with _nobody_ there and you want to know _why?"_ Kenma's voice, the gravel that he likes is digging into his skin with each word. "You." Shouyou says, taking his own step back until he can't feel Kenma's breathing against his skin. "What?" Kenma asks, fury dropping a fraction to be replaced with confusion, "I had you." Shouyou answers, letting the weight of _everything_ slide off of his skin as he says that, he feels lighter but barely. "You said I had nobody." He clarifies and Kenma's face drops into blankness.

"I wasn't _there,_ Shouyou, you hurt yourself because of me." Kenma's voice is a whisper, he's grateful for that, even if the setter is the one being the idiot now. "That wasn't your fault." He says the truth, grateful for once that it's easy. "It's not _your_ fault." Kenma echoes. Shouyou laughs. "Then it's nobody's fault." Not-Kenma says and they both turn to look into Bokuto-san's gleaming smile, the golden eyed boy _too_ close all of a sudden. It strikes all of a sudden, like lighting up a stove, that he and Kenma had been _yelling,_ that the stares were from _actual_ people. People that just heard everything, had been exposed to all of his worst thoughts, some of which are still echoing around the empty gym. "Shouyou-san?" Akaashi-san is now looming over him, face scrunched up as it is smooth, the honorifics are back and that drives home how much he's messed up. "It's just Shouyou, Akaashi-san." He corrects, feeling both terrified and the emotional equivalent of chewing on cardboard, not exactly sure how to describe _nothing_ with words. "Sorry." Akaashi-san says without meaning, the same reflex that he has himself, he attempts a smile at the older boy, a barely there thing that feels like more trouble than it's worth. It's not returned and he's not sure why he was expecting otherwise.

Bokuto-san is still staring at him, eyes that look more orange than golden in the shadow of wilting hair, "Bokuto-san?" He asks when he's built up enough nerve to address the older boy, the smile returns, a set of knives and gleaming in a way that he's only found in Tokyo, "Shouyou-chan." Bokuto-san says, Shouyou doesn't let himself react to the honorific or anything tied to it, good or bad, lets that cardboard feeling take over until he can just ignore everything except his reply, "You didn't hear anything, did you?" Another smile, one that doesn't belong to him even when he feels the stretching of muscles in his cheeks. "Uh-Uh-" Bokuto-san splutters, looking like he might need to take a step back, a large hand envelops an equally large bicep and makes the older boy look almost shy. "Sorry?" Bokuto-san echoes, though Shouyou isn't sure why. "Did you, Bokuto-san?" There's a gulp, the other male's impressive Adam's apple trembling as it bobs, Shouyou traces it until it stills. "No?" Shouyou nods, lets himself sink a little easier in his shoes.

He doesn't even look at Kuroo, something telling him that the cardboard in his mouth would catch on fire and he'd explode into nothingness if his gaze locked onto chopper irises. Instead, he walks away from the gym and away from the ghosting footsteps that he can't quite place to a specific person until that person decides to place a hand on his shoulder and turn him around, it's not Kenma but the person is blond; he's almost surprised by Tsukishima's height, only because he hadn't been expecting it, "What the hell was that?" Also surprises him, if only because of the suddenness of it instead of the dangerous tone. He hums in reply, makes a feeble attempt at brushing off a too heavy hand but the fingers dig into the flesh of his shoulders when he squirms. "What are you talking about?" He asks, cardboard tone in place and feeling more infuriated than he has any right to be. "You were acting like a complete _psychopath_ to Bokuto-san." Tsukishima growls, Shouyou is pretty sure he's imagining this scenario, where a too tall middle blocker is correcting him on his etiquette in an almost civil tone.

"I know we're not _friends,"_ The blond's tone is so full of scathing that Shouyou is surprised that his tongue didn't fall right out of his mouth, "But we're teammates, even if you do suck." He thinks that last part might be an attempt at a joke, crude Tsukishima humor that Yamaguchi would snicker at, "You need to take control of _whatever_ is going on with you and focus on the team instead _whatever."_ Shouyou isn't sure what to make of the words, as progress of Tsukki's dedication to their team or something else entirely, ever since he had met the taller boy it had been nothing but endless droning on how playing was _a waste of time._ "You're different." He remarks, not sure what else to say. "For the better, unlike you." Tsukishima replies, Shouyou can't find it in himself to retaliate because it's as close to the truth as it can get. Grand King had changed him in sick, disturbing ways, more than just scars on his skin something _more_ that can't heal with fizzing disinfectant and gauze.

"Do you think Kozume-san-"

"Kenma" He corrects, Tsukishima rolls his eyes.

"Do you think _Kenma_ would want you like this? Acting pathetic?"

 _Crying already? Pathetic._ Shouyou doesn't let it affect him, Kuroo is still too close and the older boy looks like he can _smell_ his fear, "You think at this point you're worthy of being on the team?" He's not sure he's _worthy_ of anything at the moment, if at all. "Our team is supposed to be their rivals and right now, you're our weakest link." There's a sneer, one he's familiar with even if he isn't with seeing Tsukishima's face this close, "Are you really that desperate for someone to _love you?_ That you'd drop your _dream_ to have Kozume wrapped around your little finger?" He makes a shove at the taller boy before he can help it but Tsukishima doesn't budge, "All those little marks and skipped practices, it must have been pretty good, right?" He bristles but doesn't respond, which is enough of a cue for the taller boy to continue, "I think I see what's going on." The _amusement_ in Tsukishima's tone suggests otherwise but Shouyou doesn't make an attempt to quiet him, doesn't make an attempt at anything really.

"You want to make the King jealous, that's it, isn't it?" Tsukishima is laughing before he even finishes his sentence, something too bitter to be human and Shouyou lets him, "You're wrong." He says when the laughing won't stop and the bugs around them start to buzz in irritation, "Hardly, I'm never wrong." A dangerous smile, arced teeth that reflect like steel under the moon, it would be menacing on anyone else, he thinks, weird on Tsukishima's oblong face. "It's pretty wrong of you to use Kozume like that, you know."

His next action is decided, he thinks, before he even knew the words that Tsukishima was going to say. There was too much tension in the air and Shouyou _snapped_ before he could grab onto the pieces and hold them together, it's odd, he realizes when his fist is making its way towards the face of his teammate, that he doesn't really _not_ care about Tsukishima says; as a teammate, he's alright, as a friend, he's _something,_ not that he values Tsukishima's opinion at all or anything. There's a truth, a realization, that hits him when his knuckles collide with the awkward angles of Tsukishima's jaw, that he may think of the taller boy as something a little more than a teammate but most certainly not a friend, that's enough for him to drive his fist even faster into the taller boy's face until the grip on his shoulders forces him towards the ground as Tsukishima falls.

"You know nothing." He hisses, snarling like a raccoon or a really scary cat, he forms his own grip on the other boy's shoulders now that he can reach them, fingers that feel too numb digging into a damp t-shirt until it wrinkles under him. "It's not like that!" He remarks, feeling frustrated that working around the truth is harder than it should be, "Oh? Then maybe Kozume is using _you?"_ There's another truth, though it explodes so quickly in his head when his forehead collides with Tsukishima's nose, "Kenma doesn't use me!" He shouts, using his arm to wipe the weight of blood and sweat off of his face.

"Then who is?"

"Grand-S-"

Everything freezes but doesn't, he can still feel, more so now that Tsukishima has that _smirk_ under a blood nose and crooked glasses, the bugs are still buzzing, louder and he thinks that Tsukishima's stupidly long body might have crushed one of their homes. They should probably move before they're swarmed but Shouyou can't make any of his muscles respond, there's too much _something_ blocking the signal to tell his body to move. "Shouyou-" Tsukishima says, quiet now and smile gone. He wonders how long he's been frozen for. "It's okay." The gloating tone is gone, along with the sarcasm and Shouyou has his answer. _Too long._ He's pretty sure Hell would freeze over before the other middle blocker would _comfort_ him.

"How long?" He asks.

"Since the prelims." Shouyou replies, somehow unable to resist answering the questions, like some part of him wants Tsukishima to know, even if he really, really doesn't.

"Has he?" The question is blunt but not completely there, _open to interpretation_ his Modern Literature teacher would say.

"No." He replies instead of _almost_ or _not yet._

"You should-" Tsukishima falls quiet, Shouyou thinks he should be happy, making the taller boy _confused_ for once.

"Tell someone?" He deadpans.

Tsukishima laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the chapter isn't finished but, you know, such is life, I suppose. This is going to go over 50 chapters if I keep this up lmao, which isn't good, I think.


	45. Chapter Forty-Five

** Chapter Forty-Five **

"I won't tell." Tsukishima says, and Shouyou almost sighs until he catches the glint in the taller boy's eyes, "Yet." He finishes. He thinks he should be feeling fear or dread but something about Tsukishima tells him that the more he tried to force the other into silence the more quickly he would tell, Shouyou nods, unsure if he should be thanking the other middle blocker for tricking him or if he should punch him as hard as their closeness will allow. "Have you?" The other boy asks, "Told anyone, I mean." He nods again. "Kenma." Is his answer gives him enough strength to stand, just carefully enough to avoid stepping on any of Tsukishima's too long limbs. "How does he feel about it?" The blond asks, as if there was more than one way to respond to a situation like his. "He has a plan." He's not sure why the plan to _liberate_ him feels like it's weighing him down more than it should. Tsukishima nods while adjusting his glasses until they're even again, "Do you trust him?" Shouyou nods, biting down too many confessions of how he trusted Kenma the _most._

His protector is sitting on the steps just outside of the gym door, he rushes a step in front of Tsukishima and only stops when he can make out the gold in Kenma's eyes from the dim yellow that the gym provides. "Kozume." Tsukishima says from behind him, he expects Kenma to roll his eyes or _say something_ but the older boy just stares, a flat look that says things too quickly for him to catch completely. Tsukishima walks past them, he can just hear Bokuto-san's greeting over the ringing his protector causes in ears. "Kenma." He says, feeling empty but still full in a way he can't explain, "Shouyou." Kenma replies, grabbing onto his wrist with long fingers and tugging on his arm until he finds his way onto the step below Kenma's, the distance just far enough for him to set his head in the older boy's lap. "Can I tell you something?" He asks after a moment of just listening to both of them breathe. Kenma hums quietly, not quite a yes or no, "I'm scared." Kenma hums again, "Why?" Accompanying it.

Shouyou shrugs, his shoulder bumping into Kenma's shin, "What if your plan doesn't work?" Kenma is quiet for another long moment, Shouyou can almost hear the older boy thinking, "I don't see why you'd think that," Fingers spread across his shoulders, toying with the tips of his hair, "If Oikawa doesn't back off after this-" He cuts the older boy off, "What if he _doesn't_ back off? Aren't you worried he might- fight back?" Kenma's fingers still on his neck, "No." Is his protector's reply, "My team will get the job done, I believe in them." The older boy's tone is dark, serious in ways he doesn't like. "You're not going to kill him, are you?" He asks, not for any real reason until Kenma's legs tense around him, "Not unless I have to." Shouyou nods, he just figured out what he was full of. Dread, sympathy maybe. _I said yes,_ he thinks, wondering _why_ his acceptance had to turn into this. "Will you hate me if I do?" Kenma's fingers dig into his skin and he thinks that the older boy might even be aware of it, "I'm not sure." He answers, honest as possible.

"I don't think so." He clarifies after another thick silence. Kenma hums in return, "I think it would hurt, if you did." Shouyou nods, one of his true fears being that Kenma would hate him. "Can I love you and hate you at the same time?" The other boy snorts, "Not sure." He says seriously. "Can I tell you something else?" Kenma doesn't respond except with fingers massaging the damp muscles on his shoulders, "I love you, a lot." Kenma laughs, a small snort that makes him feel warm, then there's something warm on his head and Shouyou freezes minutely. A smack, Kenma's lips, he knows the sound, comes from above him, "Sorry." The older boy says, Shouyou swallows around doubt and steady panic, "It's fine." He responds, feeling stupid for having a stupid reaction but even Kenma's lips feel like that too big hand, that smack like acid being spewed at him in low tones. He doesn't let the words replay in his head, drowns them out until they're just mumbles of a time too long ago.

When it truly is fine, Shouyou turns around in Kenma's grasp until he's looking up into golden irises that glow in the dimness of the night; Kenma stares down at him, blinking to break apart long stares, "You don't need to be scares, Shouyou." The middle blocker nods, a nudge of _something_ pressing against too much doubt and fear, "I believe you." He says, he knows he can't hate Kenma, even when the older boy is promising to hurt someone else, talking about _ending_ someone's life for him. "Can I kiss you, Shouyou?" Kenma asks, he nods and rings of gold get bigger until they disappear under pale skin.

Kissing Kenma is nice, warm and rough but over too soon. The older boy pulls back, breathing only slightly harder, "What was that for?" He asks with a smile, the older boy snorts, "Because I love you too, Shouyou." The warmth pulls him to his feet, Kenma follows and the older boy is suddenly towering over him. "We should get inside." Kenma nods quietly but Shouyou can see the reluctance in the older boy's actions. "We can sit out, if you want." He offers, the older boy snorts quietly, "You can play, Shouyou." The middle blocker whines back, "But I want _you_ to play with me." Kenma's eyes roll again, it's enough of a distraction for him to pull the older boy towards the court again. Akaashi-san catches his eye, barely blue gaze staring him down from the moment his shoes hover over the sideline, too many questions rolled into too few seconds of eye contact and Shouyou just nods, offering the older boy a shaky smile. Akaashi-san responds by launching a ball towards his face.

Kuroo's gaze is there too, heavy and overwhelming, the middle blocker finds himself staring at the Nekoma captain often, making sure the older boy doesn't end up on his side of the net and in his face. Kenma catches on to him quickly, giving him a sharp enough look that he feels bad about being terrified of the older boy. His protector ends up by the Nekoma captain's side when practice is finished, trapping him between seeking warmth and being _near_ Kuroo. His approach is hesitant, slow and light enough that he could turn to run the moment Kuroo's notices him; Kenma's arm drapes around his shoulders, trapping him in comfort to stare at Kuroo. "Shouyou." Kuroo says, leaning down until chopper eyes are replacing the sweat stains that he'd been staring at. "Kuroo-san." He mumbles back, Kenma's fingers press into his shoulder, only hard enough for him to notice. "Sorry." He offers. Suppressing a flinch when Kuroo's hand starts waving, Shouyou makes a step back instead but Kenma's grip is unrelenting. "It's fine, Shouyou-chan, you're probably just tired, right?" The middle blocker nods stiffly under Kuroo's sharp gaze and gleaming teeth. "Tired." He agrees, urging his skin to stop itching, to _accept_ Kuroo's non-existent apology. For Kenma's sake. "Thank you." He says. It tastes like defeat but it makes Kenma's arm loose enough for him to slip out of. Scurrying towards the gym door, he can't help but notice that he voluntarily left Kenma's warmth. Over Kuroo. Disgust and something like hate wraps around the clump of terror that resides in his gut, the Nekoma captain can still be heard, _barking_ laughter too loud even when muffled by steel and the sound of his too quick breathing.

He makes it back to where his team is staying before he feels anything, too many things to process that end up dripping down his chin while he forces his way under Daichi's arms. There's questioning mumbles that he can't make out over the looping sensations of what had just happened. His breathing accelerates until inhaling and exhaling turn into the same thing, his chest freezes in place. Too hot sensations flow over his overheated skin, feeling like it might slide into his bones and melt them into nothingness. He wishes that he didn't run and he wishes that he didn't feel glad that he did. There's a clap, like lightning and everything pulls into tilting focus, the thoughts are still there, along with the voices of conversations past but they grow more and more distant as the burning in his bones grows more solid.

"What the hell?" Someone calls and his head is actually tilting back until he sees nothing but ceiling. "Yuu!" That same voice shouts, "Yuukio." Shouyou corrects, something bitter sliding up his throat, "Yuukio Hinata." He says finally, sliding his fingers until they're all resting over his racing heart. "Car crash." He muses, feeling stupid and relieved that at least _he_ could feel something, like the rhythm under his fingers, he wonders if Natsu remembers anything about him, if Natsu will remember anything about _him_ too. _Big brother, big brother._ "Shouyou?" Someone asks, a gruff voice, he thinks his dad had the same one. "Yuukio?" He asks the ceiling, to the nights filled with orange eyes and dead leaves. "Just Yuu." A gruff laugh accompanying it, Shouyou lets out a sigh of relief he wishes he didn't have. "Senpai." He clarifies, there's a huff that circles around him.

"Sorry about hitting you." Noya says, loose and messy hair edging into his vision, Shouyou laughs, "Guess that explains why my face hurts." There's another noise, disgruntlement seeping from it and nothing else, "Daichi?" He asks, wondering when the weight of heavy arms had been removed from around him. "Are you okay, Shouyou?" He nods, hair sliding into _not_ wood flooring like what's under his legs, "Sorry." He offers, meaning it as well. Shouyou listens to his captain's huff before he decides to look at the older boy, Daichi's face is contorted in half rage and half concern, an odd mixture that makes too many wrinkles on a tanned forehead. "You'll get wrinkles." He chides, the older boy's face loosens minutely into an almost grin through a heavy grimace. "I'll be dead before I get those if you show up like that again." Shouyou nods, feeling guilty all over, imagining his own kouhai running at him in the midst of a panic attack and barely breathing.

"Sorry." He reiterates when his captain helps him sit up, his spine feels loose, like he might tilt over and hit his head on the ground at any moment. "It's fine, Shouyou." Daichi sighs from around him, "I just wish you'd be more careful." _Careful,_ he thinks with an empty nod. If he had been careful, he wouldn't have said yes. If he had been careful, he wouldn't lose track of the times he couldn't breathe. "You're right." He huffs back, shameful and embarrassed for being so _careless_ about everything. Daichi grunts back, "Nishinoya." The middle blocker lets his gaze fall onto his just smaller teammate, the older boy is twitching in place and staring at the floor intently, "I thought it would help..." Shouyou thinks it might have, even if his cheek _really_ hurts now. "It's okay." He admonishes but Daichi interrupts before he can finish, "Apologize." Barked out and making the room snicker sneakily.

"I'm really sorry, Shouyou."

"Thank you."

"Uh- What?" Noya-senpai squeaks back, staring at him with too much confusion that Shouyou _laughs._ "Thank you." He repeats, giving his best attempt to remain as serious as possible, the older boy blinks at him, half an honest smile quirking up that quickly falls into a quivering frown. "Uh-" The libero says before falling into a series of mutters that he can't make out; letting his friend cope, Shouyou looks back towards his captain before scooting to lean against the older male's side. "Shouyou?" Daichi asks, looking down at him with only half the shock that had been there before, "It's nothing." He says, because it _should_ be nothing and he was willing to pretend that that was the truth. "That usually means bad news." Not-Daichi says before messy silver hair peeks into the field of vision that isn't blocked by Daichi's shirt, "Suga-san?" He asks, wondering what the older male meant exactly about _bad news._ "You can't just run into a room, _crying_ and say it was nothing." Shouyou is pretty sure that's exactly what he just did. "I wasn't crying." He mutters indignantly, pressing his not wet eyes into Daichi's shirt. _Stupid Suga-san._ "Idiot." Someone mutters, Kageyama, he's pretty sure. Most likely. _Definitely,_ he corrects when he can practically smell yogurt and awkward sweat.

"Shut up." He shoots back, not even looking at the taller boy. The setter makes a weird noise but doesn't use his words or move from his too close perch; he's not really sure what to do now, Suga-san is expecting answers that he can't give yet and Kageyama's gaze is starting to make his skin jittery again. He doesn't want to run again, not from Daichi, running from Kenma had been too easy and now it _hurt._ He knew that that his setter was nothing like Kuroo, that Kageyama would never make a _deal_ with him or any of the things that Kuroo had done, but that doesn't stop their looks from having the same weight, like a huge animal getting ready to pounce. He wants to leave again but he knows that he can't, that he wouldn't have anyone to run to, knows that being alone was more dangerous than being around dangerous people.

"I need to go to the bathroom." He says, pulling away from Daichi's rough and warm presence until his feet are sore under his weight, "Do you want me to come with you?" The middle blocker almost makes a comment on how he's not a child and doesn't need help, even if he feels too small in his skin right now. "No thanks, Suga-san." He replies with a polite smile before sliding the door shut, blocking himself off from everyone. He walks almost aimlessly, in the general direction of the nearest bathroom but at a slow enough pace where he could turn wherever he felt like. His feet find sterile white before he can decide anything else, the bathroom isn't quite dirty but the floor is still sticky and the lights are too bright on his eyes that his brain almost slips to too long ago, the effort to keep those things locked up is enough to distract him and dull the pain of his back hitting the floor.

"Oh! Shouyou-chan!" A deep voice calls, almost like the dark but not quite, "I'm _really_ sorry about that, I didn't see you there." He lets himself view the person in front of him, too tall with almost gold eyes, most importantly, _not_ Kuroo. "Bokuto-san." He names, trying to work unresponsive nerves into a smile. Bokuto-san frowns down at him, "You sound just like Akaashi, Shou-chan, you should really loosen up- we're friends, right?" He barely dodges the wide palm snaking towards his hair, slow enough that it still makes contact with his skin. It's hot, rough and _damp,_ " _Right, Shou-chan?"_ Bokuto-san whines, turmoil echoing off the bathroom walls. "Right." Shouyou barely answers before pushing his face into Bokuto-san's chest, feeling the older boy's heartbeat under his forehead. "Uh- What're you doing, little guy?" Bokuto-san says and Shouyou almost pulls back, almost feels embarrassed enough to offer an explanation. He doesn't do either of those, instead he just presses further until he can feel the spaces between Bokuto-san's ribs on his cheeks.

The crying is more shocking than the fact that he's hugging Bokuto-san in a bathroom, fat tears that can't form fully before they're being dried up by an already soaked shirt. The older boy's chest tightens under him when he loops his arms around a stocky waist and lets himself break down, Shouyou doesn't comment on it, doesn't pull back when half warm hands, more rough than Daichi's, slide across his neck and through his hair. There's not enough energy in his nerves to flinch away from the sensation, not enough brain power to go back in time, to the prelims where everything fell apart. His knees tremble and he's not sure if he drags the older boy down or if Bokuto-san is pitying him enough to sit with him on sticky tiles. "It's okay, Shouyou." Bokuto-san says, he's pretty it's the first time that there wasn't just happy or sad in the older boy's tone. He hates that he had to be the one to cause it, hates that he can't apologize through heavy sobs that make breathing too difficult. It's threatening and all consuming, the crying, it's weakness and Shouyou is too paralyzed to do anything about it, he rides through too many empty sensations, the most powerful, the one most difficult to deal with is the running, running from Kenma and Daichi until he ended up alone. "Sorry." He says to them both from too far away, warm fingers drag across his scalp, blunt nails heating his skin almost nicely. "It's okay, Shouyou." They both reply, though Shouyou knows that they're too far away to hear right now.

He hates that it's like this, that there are times when he doesn't remember going to sleep, that all those emotions from before are just _gone._ His legs are sticky, his head his throbbing and opening his eyes provides a burn too intense to be real. Shouyou rubs at them, rubs away crust and the itching from _not_ crying about a problem that he alone created, "Shou-chan?" Not-Kenma and Not-Daichi calls, he grunts back, taking in the tenderness that means he had been dreaming about _something,_ too many things, probably. "Feeling better?" Bokuto-san asks, like he had offered him a glass of water instead of sitting with him while he screamed and passed out, "I-" Clearing his throat doesn't ease the grittiness on his vocal chords and he kind of wishes that the older boy had actually gotten him water, "I think so." He grates out, wondering how much of a lie it _sounds_ like, even his words aren't entirely far from the truth, he feels better, just not _better._ "I'm really sorry about before, Shou-chan, I really didn't mean to scare you." He wants to say so many things, that the older boy hadn't _just_ scared him, that he had actually been there, at that house with too many memories. "It's okay, Bokuto-san." A weight too sturdy to be a hand settles on his scalp, he's pretty sure that it's the other boy's chin. "I'm really, _really_ sorry." He wonders if his acceptance of apology had come out wrong, "It'll be okay." He says instead, because it will be, he'll apologize to Kenma, Daichi and Kuroo.

Even the name makes him tense. It shouldn't, he thinks, is pretty sure that the _deal_ was a promise, that _belonging to me_ didn't mean _that,_ not for now. He wishes _not for now_ didn't make him as relieved as it did, _never_ was much better. Never belonging to Kuroo. "Shouyou?" Bokuto-san asks, quietly which he thinks might be a first for the older boy, he hums in askance, tweaking his head slightly under the weight of a head heavy with hair gel and eyebrows, "You're shaking." The middle blocker looks down at his hands, ignoring the fact that Bokuto-san's arms are around him like tanned snakes, "Sorry." He says once he's not distracted by too big arms and his trembling limbs.

"Want to talk about it?" Bokuto-san says after a while, when things turn into the two of them staring at the trashcan on the far end of the room. "I ran away." He wonders if Bokuto-san will even understand that, he's run away from too many things, not that the older boy knows that. "I saw, Akaashi was really worried." Shouyou is pretty sure there's a difference between worried and really worried, he's just not sure how to ask, "He almost went after you but..." The older boy trails off with a small noise that Shouyou can only hear because Bokuto-san's mouth is almost on his head, "That other kid stopped him." There's three _other_ kids he remembers being in the gym, "Tsukishima?" Bokuto-san makes a noise, denial and amusement, maybe. "Nah, not the tall one."

"...Kuroo?" The name is hard to choke out and Bokuto-san's arms tighten around his chest when it finally does come out. "Nope, his friend, the shorter one." Shouyou blinks, "Kenma?" He can feel Bokuto-san's smile forming and can hear it in his words, "Ah, right, Kenma! Yeah- He stopped Akaashi from running after you." Shouyou nods, ignoring the burn Bokuto-san's chin leaves on his head. _Why,_ he wonders when too many scenarios start to pile together. All of them overwhelming on their own and devastating when stacked together, "Do you remember what he said?" He presses, not even attempting to sound less desperate and scared than he is. Bokuto-san's hum echoes through the bathroom, overlapping growls as something works in the older boy's head, "Not really, he just said you needed space- or something." _Or something_ does nothing for the shaking in his fingers and he sighs loudly because he won't know anything until he talks to the older boy.

Something else sticks in his mind, a detail he almost missed in mounting dread. _Kuroo's friend._ He's not sure how he had forgotten that, that Kenma _didn't know_ and probably wouldn't, ever. He tries to imagine everything from Kenma's perspective, the _not knowing_ perspective, in which one friend is hating another friend for _no_ reason, even if he does have a reason. A good one, he thinks. "Shouyou?" Bokuto-san asks again and Shouyou looks down at his hands again, clenched but not shaking. "Yes?" He asks the trashcan on the far end of the room, "Do you want to get up?" Bokuto-san's arms twitch around his waist, like an offer.

His butt is numb and tingling, his legs are sticking to the floor, his stomach is starting to sweat and he's thinking about doing something instead of actually doing something. "No." He says because _yes_ is too complex, because it leads to too many things, almost none of them are good things, he's learned. "If you're sure." The older boy says, almost like a question before a too big body slumps against his, almost too much not to crush him.

"It's not the first time." He says when Bokuto-san's breathing gets less frequent, "First time doing what?" The older boy asks instead of remaining silent like Shouyou hoped he would. "Running away." The older boy chuckles, an stark difference from the last time he heard Bokuto-san laugh, "We all run away from something." He says, sounding like he's reading an invisible textbook instead of attempting to be wise, he's not sure what to think of that. "Well, I guess I was technically kicked out." The older boy's fingers tighten around him, guarding him from things that have already happened. He decides not to tell Bokuto-san _why_ he left home, "I stayed with Kenma after that and- got really sick." Sick sounds better than anything else he can think of. _Disorder. Freak._ "You must really admire him." That sensation returns, like he can feel the older boy's smile with seeing it, "He protects me." Which is more than _admire_ could ever cover.

"Kuroo took care of me."

"Sorry, what was that?"

Shouyou shakes his head, letting those thoughts slide onto the floor but they climb back up before he can run away from them. "Kenma said that Kuroo took care of me when I was sick." Everything he's seen Kuroo do, all the promises and _deals_ that they've made makes Kuroo seem like a monster, something too dark to be just human, a normal guy who brings soup to temporary neighbors. "That's... good?" Bokuto-san says, clearly not caught up on everything that he's thinking, he supposed that it's a good thing, that if Bokuto-san could see his thoughts that the older boy would be mad at one or both of them. "Why am I still scared of him, Bokuto-san?" He asks because asking himself is pointless, that it would lead to _I don't know,_ to _I said yes._

"I'm not sure, he seems like a nice dude." Bokuto-san answers, Shouyou wonders if those words would change if Bokuto-san _knew,_ if he would even care if there was no reason to. _Too many people know,_ he thinks and the urge to tell dies down because if _everyone_ knew, then everyone would know where to point fingers in three weeks when they _hurt_ Grand King. _Would you hate me?_ He's still not sure. "Bokuto-san?" He asks, "If Akaashi-san hurt someone, would you be mad at him?" It feels like a stupid question, but Bokuto-san is here and he wants answers. "I'd be impressed." The older boy chirps back with a chuckle, "Akaashi-san may act mean but he's never wanted to fight anyone." He hums back, not sure why he was expecting something else, Boktuo-san's relationship with Akaashi-san was nothing like his relationship with Kenma.

"How would you feel?" Shouyou blinks, "If Akaashi-san hurt someone?"

"If Kenma hurt someone, I mean." It sounds different out loud, like Bokuto-san's careful tone make _hurt_ sound like less of a word, like _plans_ and _deals_ meant almost nothing to the older boy. "I'm not sure." A scoff scoots across his hair, blowing inky bangs into his eyes, "Sure you do, Shou-chan, if you don't know how you feel then how are other people supposed to?" His mouth freezes before he can make a reply, something in Bokuto-san's words rattle around his brain for a long second. "I think I should be happy? Relieved, maybe?" He hopes that the older boy doesn't think any less of him for that, for being glad that someone was hurting. "They must have really deserved it then." Another snort of warm breath, a quiet laugh that he was sure couldn't belong to Bokuto-san. "What do you mean by that?" He asks, suspicious all too quickly. Hands dig into his sides, making him squirm away from too warm fingers, "I _mean,_ you and Kenma seem like nice guys," Shouyou is pretty sure that the older boy had just called Kuroo a nice guy, "If you both wanted to hurt someone, then they must have done something really wrong."

"But," Bokuto-san starts, tone higher like he might make a joke, "You should tell an adult or you guys might get in trouble, then I can't teach you any more moves, got it?" Shouyou nods, still uncertain because he's pretty sure that any adult he told would _laugh_ at him if he said that the Aoba Johsai captain hurt him.

"Now get up, my ass is getting sore."

"Butt." He corrects, old reflex spurring up through his weird mood.

"Butt?" Bokuto-san asks once he's standing, offering him a wide hand.

"It's a nicer word." He explains, letting the older boy's hand envelop his until he's levered onto his feet. "Alright then, my _butt_ numb, Shou-chan, can we leave now?" The older boy is leading the way towards the door already and Shouyou is forced by the grip on his fingers to follow; the hallway seems like an entirely different place, like time was moving again once Bokuto-san led him away from sticky floor and bright lights, he thinks about apologizing, that he's calm enough to explain _why_ he ran away from everyone and ended up crying in the bathroom with Bokuto-san. Instead of being led towards the room where his team is or the room where Kenma is, he's led to the door between them.

"Captain!" The room echoes and he flinches away from it before being tugged inside by rough fingers, "Shouyou-san?" Akaashi-san calls alone and the grip on his hand leads him towards the voice until he can see the almost blue of Akaashi-san's eyes. "You're looking better, sort of." He half smiles at the older boy, not really sure if that's a compliment or not, "Thank you?" Akaashi-san's smile is small and polite, tense in a way that a smile shouldn't be. "Akaashi, Shou-chan and I are  _best friends_ now, are you jealous? Huh, are you, Akaashi?" Akaashi-san's almost blue gaze slides off of him slowly and lands on the boy gripping his hand with flat intensity, "No, Bokuto-san." The older boy retorts flatly before patting the empty floor beside him. 

Bokuto-san groans as he settles onto the floor again, mild mutterings that Shouyou is glad he doesn't catch follow him as two warm bodies press against his shoulders, "How did things go, Shouyou?" The setters asks once he's settled, Shouyou pretends not to notice the intensity of Akaashi-san's gaze, like the older boy is attempting to pry into his head with his eyes alone. "Bokuto-san calmed me down, I had a panic attack, I think." He explains, half sure he can identify the difference between a panic attack and a breakdown now.

"I was pretty sure that Bokuto-san couldn't calm down a statue, guess I was wrong." 

"Akaashi!" Bokuto-san whines, drawing even closer until he's practically sliding onto Akaashi-san's lap. "You're not exactly a  _calming_ figure, captain-san." One of Bokuto-san's teammates points out, the room erupts into loud chuckles. 

_Captain._

Shouyou is pretty sure he knows what kind of captain Bokuto-san is now, 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no concept of time, I was pretty sure that I updated yesterday but it's actually been five days, lmao.


	46. Chapter Forty-Six

**Chapter Forty-Six**

He doesn't leave Bokuto-san's side that night, ends up squeezing with the older male onto a lumpy futon because he's too _not_ scared to return to Daichi or Kenma, especially in the dark. The older male doesn't say anything except for, "Good night, Shou-chan," and a much louder, "Good night, Akaashi!" Big hands settle across his waist like it's natural for Bokuto-san to just hold almost strangers while he goes to sleep. He supposed that they're more than almost strangers, fast friends, maybe. He's still not sure what to think of the older boy, even if he did realize that Bokuto-san was being truly apologetic of his own will instead of Akaashi-san's. _Why would he stay if he didn't?_ Bokuto-san's arms are huge, the older boy could have easily flicked him off, _should_ have flicked him off so he could scream on a sticky floor until he passed out. That's why he thinks of Bokuto-san as a friend, he think, maybe. Even if the older boy is intimidating, too much resemblance to an orange eyed companion that brought him grief, he thinks he can find something in Bokuto-san besides the almost forced comfort.

"Shou-chan?" Bokuto-san almost whispers, mint and hints of meat glide across the skin of his cheek, "You're not sleeping."

"I can't sleep when you're talking, Bokuto-san." Comes his would-be-scold but the older boy sees through him easily, squeezing his sides until he's muffling squeals into a limp pillow. "Bokuto-san!" He gasps, wishing that the throbbing in his sides was from laughing, he almost forgot about them, the scars, and the countdown. Almost. Closer to two weeks than three, it's terrifying and he feels his body tense up under Bokuto-san's fingers. Something made of uncertainty shifts through him, that he really doesn't want things to turn out this way, that he and Kenma could get into trouble for even thinking about hurting Grand King. He needs it though, not to hurt, but for everything to be over, to say something without saying anything. _No._ He wonders if it will be loud enough or if the Aoba Johsai captain will continue to own him, to use him and break him in any way he sees fit. Something tells him if this doesn't work that that it would be _every_ way he sees fit.

It's hard to sleep with those thoughts, even if he's not thinking about them Bokuto-san's fingers drag him back with unintentional pain. His sides are throbbing by the time he forces his eyes closed, that it itself is exhausting and he thinks it might be what sends him into fading nothingness. His rest is uneasy, every too real sensation blurs past him with only a few things he can recognize, his protector and the Grand King. His body jerks into alertness after each glimpse of darkened eyes and not quite red. Bokuto-san is there each time, petting his head as his entire body falls into trembling and night sweats, the older boy doesn't seem to be awake but Shouyou is pretty sure that the older boy is attempting to give him privacy, even when he can hear humming directly into his skull. He thinks it should be nice, having this comfort without the urge to run away, but the fingers and the warmth belong to neither Kenma or Daichi. He's not sure why he decided to stay and he knew that it would be very disrespectful to leave now.

The night is slow passing, only a handful of minutes passing before his eyes are pushed open because his breathing is too fast and too empty. "Shouyou?" Bokuto-san asks low in his ear, low enough to be a whisper and low enough to make his nerves spark with unease. He was pretty sure that the older boy didn't even know what was whispering was, "Yes?" He asks, dull ache flaring to life with the use of his voice. Something new meant things were about to go wrong. "Do you believe in ghosts?" Shouyou feels his brain stutter to a stop. "Ghosts?" He echoes more than asks. Bokuto-san's loose hair twitches against his neck along with a stubbly chin, "Do ya?" Shouyou shrugs, "I'm not sure." He answers as honestly as possible. There's a huff of breath against his skin, "Akaashi says ghosts are lame." Something too quiet to be a laugh follows the older boy's words.

"I think they're pretty cool though- one time I saw my grandma making wagashi." He's not really sure what to make of the story but Bokuto-san's voice is enough noise to fill the silence that breeds nightmares, so he listens for as long as he can handle, "She's in a wheelchair- er, well, was in a wheelchair, I guess- she kind of looks like Akaashi, but she's _much_ nicer than Akaashi. One time I asked him to get ramen with me and he made _me_ pay." There's another noise that tells him that Bokuto-san isn't actually mad about that memory, " _You're the one who asked me, Bokuto-san."_ The older boy says in what might be considered an imitation of Akaashi-san's voice, another silence settles on top of him like concrete after that but the shifting of Bokuto-san's body tells him that the older boy isn't quite asleep.

"Shou-chan?" Bokuto-san asks softly. The middle blocker hums in return, feeling tired but restless, with his sides burning and his chest throbbing, "Do you like ice cream?" He's not really sure why he thought he had Bokuto-san figured out, at all. The older boy was still a mystery, a coin with too many sides, all of them harmless as far as he could tell, just strange. "Yes, Bokuto-san." The older boy mumbles something he can't hear despite how close the older boy's mouth is to his ear, "One time I dropped my ice cream into a sewer drain and Akaashi wouldn't let me go get it." Very strange. "I never had ice cream again." Shouyou smiles into the almost dark, "That's a really sad story, Bokuto-san." He lies. The older boy sniffles quietly and he wonders if Bokuto-san is actually crying, "It was plum flavor- I can remember it like it was yesterday."

"It _was_ yesterday, now _please_ go to sleep, Bokuto-san." Akaashi's voice is too sudden and it makes his heart race, though he knows that the setter isn't as dangerous as the ones he knows. Bokuto-san sniffles again, apologizing through disgusting sobs, "Sorry, Akaashi." The older boy settles down quickly, slow breaths that make him wonder if the older boy had even been awake at all. He tries not to think, tries to find blanks equal to the ones his eyelids provide but it isn't working. Every cricket reminds him of too many places, Tokyo and back home, back in that house with glowing eyes and crying Sato. The lack of sympathy that he had that night, the feeling of him hating himself for _not_ being sorry. The room, _his_ room, with the open window and Grand King's face filling up shadowed areas, _liking_ what happened after that.

His body is shifting again, searching for something he can't quite get a grasp on until it's there. He knows it's not Kenma's, can feel everything _wrong_ through each nerve in his body. _Thump-thump._ He thinks along with the beat, feels his face getting too warm under the rush of Bokuto-san's blood. Sleep is easier like this, even when his brain is telling him that everything is wrong.

Hair gel wakes him up, though he's not quite sure how he recognizes the smell. "Shou-chan?" A too awake voice asks after his shoulder pops loudly. He groans back. "Hm." Akaashi-san says from across the room, Shouyou can practically hear the older boy rubbing his chin. "Hm?" Bokuto-san asks, closer than before and the smell of hair gel follows. "I thought he'd be a morning person." Bokuto-san laughs. "Not everyone feels the need to rise with the sun and _meditate."_ Akaashi-san's silence is heavy for a moment.

"It's nice. Getting away from you is also a bonus." There's laughter that surrounds him, too much at once that makes his shoulders tense, reminding him that he's alone with people he doesn't know. His eyes open on their own, his feet easily manage his weight while he stands, "Shouyou?" Akaashi-san asks and the middle blocker finds himself able to observe instead of see. "Good morning, Akaashi-san." He offers along with as best a smile as he can manage. The older boy stares him down for a moment, his barely there smile wilts into nothingness under the setter's gaze. "Sorry- I-" He's not quite sure what he's apologizing for but Akaashi's barely blue gaze is making his brain jittery, "I should get back to my team." One of Akaashi-san's eyebrows raises suddenly, "Right." Comes the flat response, "Have a good morning, Shouyou." Softer than before, like the setter can see through him.

He kneels, to the silent boy on the ground, a mirror in one hand and a glob of wetness in the other, there's a pout that shouldn't be there on Bokuto-san's face, "Thank you, Bokuto-san." He says, meaning all of it because it shouldn't have happened. Narrowed eyes meet his in the small mirror, "Anything for a friend." The older boy says, sounding very close to tears, though he isn't sure why. He thinks about offering physical comfort, like the older boy had been giving him all night but can't quite bring himself to set one of his hands on too broad shoulders. "Thanks." He says again, shifting until he's standing and walking until he's in out of one door and standing in front of another. Sliding it open is harder than it should be, he thinks, taking a step inside is even more difficult.

"Shouyou?" Daichi's voice calls as he steps in and he finds his eyes opening, only half wondering why they closed in the first place. The next step is easier, the one after that is simpler until he's kneeling again, in front of his own captain instead of an unfamiliar one. "I'm really sorry." He says, formal in a way he's becoming too familiar with. Daichi's gaze is like physical weight, "Why did you run?" He asks. Shouyou still doesn't have an answer, not one he can share. "I'm really sorry." He supplies, wishing everything would just stop. "Hey," Daichi says, quieter and closer than it should be, then there's hands on him, on his arms but too close to bruises that he tenses. "It's okay, Shouyou." He's doesn't believe that and he's not sure how his captain can. "Morning, Shouyou." Suga-san says, just as close as his captain; he leans up, away from the floor until he can see the older boys' faces. "Suga-san." He greets, careful to read the setter's expression before he makes direct eye contact.

"Are you feeling better?" Shouyou thinks the question is stupid, even he finds it warming that the older boy had been thinking about him, he's just not sure what he's feeling or if he should be feeling anything at all. "I think so?" He offers, scratching at his cheek awkwardly while the older boy offers him a cringe wrapped in a smile. "That's something- I think?" There's a laugh, something warm but awkward that reminds him that Suga-san is kind of like him. Hurt. Even if the older boy is handling it much better than he is.

"Breakfast?" Daichi asks, like he really wants to get out of this conversation, "Shouyou?" Suga-san asks, like waiting for him to reveal something. "Yes, I just to-" He trails off, eyeing the room and his meandering teammates. "Right!" The setter chirps, "Uh-" he voices at the same time as Daichi's, "Hm-" The older boys laugh with each other before both of their gazes are back on him, "Water?" Suga-san asks. He thinks about the night before, of screaming and hours of being pulled back _there._ His nod is heavy, holding too much weight that it must be obvious, Suga-san's face twists in sympathy and the setter quickly exits the room. His captain's expression is sour when he finds the nerve to look at the older boy. "Daichi?" He asks, because he needs to, the older boy's face jerks back, like he'd been ripped from somewhere else. He knows a bit about that, "Shouyou?" Daichi asks back, he can see the effort his captain is exerting to morph his face into _captain-ness._ "Uhm- Are you- I mean, is everything _okay?"_ He questions, Daichi is usually okay, _always_ okay. The older boy nods but his words show his _not okay-ness,_ "Did I scare you last night?" He thinks about answering before he thinks about answering, tries to determine what would be the least _yes_ yes he can think of. "Kind of," He says when the older boy's stare is getting too intense, even when he fixates his gaze on Yamaguchi, still sleeping and cuddling into a pillow. "I know you didn't mean it," He says, though his words make it sound more like Daichi's fault than it is, "My brain is just a little uh-" Looking for a nice way to say _messed up_ is harder than it should be.

"Off?" The older boy supplies with a smile that he catches through a shield of dark hair, the middle blocker nods, "Off." He repeats, though it sounds wrong and not quite definite. He could settle for _off,_ at least for now. Suga-san returns before he can repeat it again. _Off,_ his brain says instead of his mouth. "Thanks, Suga-san." He says, taking the unsure weight of an offered water bottle; the older boy hums quietly, not quite an answer before he's taking the spot next to their captain, back to the wall and maybe a perfect place to keep on eye on the room while he slides towards his bag. Orange is between his fingers, soft in ways that he can no longer remember orange being. He can't see the bottle but he can see blue-grey eyes peering down at him, stuck behind glass because those moments no longer exist. Twisting the cap off takes longer after Yuukio is no longer haunting his thoughts, his hands trembling too hard to manage a grip on the lid.

The lid pops off instead of slides off and his eyes dart to Suga-san, the older boy nods at him but he takes his own look around the room, making sure not to have caught anyone's attention. Kageyama is the only one looking in his direction, more staring than looking but he thinks that might just be the setter's face. The pills are gone, down his throat already but he continues to drink until there's nothing left, he's still thirsty but he finds breathing a little easier without the dryness from before. "Thank you." He says again, to both the older boys. They stand at the same time, offering him nods in sync, he finds it both creepy and impressive, though he's not sure which one he feels more.

Daichi leads them away from the corner, away from orange and sour looks, he thinks they might be headed towards breakfast but Suga-san stops before they've reached the middle of the room. The older boy turns towards him, "Should we-?" Pale fingers gesture to their only sleeping teammate. Shouyou glances down at Yamaguchi again, cradling his pillow instead of using it, "He's going to be late to practice." He tries to justify, either option is difficult. Yamaguchi is a really cute sleeper, as much as he hates using that word. "Yeah, but-" He has a feeling that Suga-san was about to voice what he had just been thinking. "Five more minutes?" He tries, more for Suga-san's sake than Yamaguchi's, the setter's lips roll, mulling it over. "But he might miss breakfast, then." He nods, sinking to his knees and grabbing onto Yamaguchi's shoulder before Suga-san can object.

"Yamaguchi?" He tries, only to be met with soft snoring and the adjusting of a pillow, "Yamaguchi?" He half-whispers into messy hair, the taller boy whines pitifully and squirms away from him, he really wants to leave, to erase this moment from his memory forever and just let Yamaguchi sleep but Suga-san's eyes are firm when he looks up at him, a nod that he thinks is supposed to be reassuring makes him sigh loudly. "Yamaguchi!" He says, loud enough that it echoes off the walls for a brief second, the pinch server squirms, pillow abandoned now.

His sides are warm, hot even. Shouyou is jerking away from the heat before he can help himself, before his lungs start to empty. The room twitches between being light and dark, flashes of teeth, _Grand King's teeth,_ he recognizes follow him as he twists back. "Shouyou?" Not-Grand King calls, bringing him back into what's real, letting him separate between then and now. "Shouyou?" Another voice asks, tired in a way that can only belong to Yamaguchi, "Are you okay- I-I didn't mean to-" The contact had been too sudden, too real and heavy, with hands pulling him into _something._ He's nodding, "Sorry, Yamaguchi- You uh, spooked me, I guess." His laugh is enough to make the taller boy cringe and he finds it too easy to close his mouth, settling for a small smile. Yamaguchi frowns in return, giving him a considerable look, he finds it odd when the taller boy had just been cuddling into a pillow and still has bedhead, "Sorry!" Yamaguchi squeaks finally before scuttling out of the room.

"Shouyou?" Suga-san asks, suddenly by his side and all too close. He swallows empty air, nodding while wiping sweat and fear off his face, "Sorry," He says without explanation, the older boy is nodding when he looks up at him, silver hair bouncing quietly. "Could have been worse, right?" He nods, thinking of everything that could have happened, piles of empty thoughts that make him feel stupid for reacting so harshly to just a grab from Yamaguchi. "Breakfast?" Suga-san says in the same tone their captain had used earlier. He nods again, letting the older boy lead him out of the room without further interruptions.

He's not sure if it's better or worse that he ends up taking the space next to Yamaguchi, he stares at the taller boy, who visibly squirms under his gaze and he thinks it might be one of the worst things that could have happened over breakfast. "I'm really sorry, Yamaguchi." He says when he's asked for the tray of wasabi next to his arm, the taller boy looks like he wants to say something, "About earlier, I mean." He says before Yamaguchi's lips even twitch, offering the tray with unsteady fingers. "It was my fault, I mean- I shouldn't have uh-" Yamguchi's entire face scrunches up, as if realizing that it wasn't completely his fault. "Why are you apologizing?" Someone not-Yamaguchi asks from the taller boy's direction, his spine bends out of curiosity before he can help it and finds the unimpressed eyebrows of Tsukishima for his troubles. "I scared Shouyou this morning." Yamaguchi explains, quiet enough that he thinks only a few of them might have heard, that the snickering from across the table was about something other than his _disorder._ "Not surprising." Tsukishima says, adjusting his glasses in a very _Tsukishima_ way, the kind that sees through anyone with just a stare.

"Not... surprising?" Yamaguchi asks like he's been presented with a riddle, he watches Tsukishima's eyes land on him, a weird smirk spreads across the taller boy's face, "Shouyou's just a big chicken," There's teasing in the tone, even more embedded in the dim gold of Tsukishima's eyes that grows more visible as the taller boy leans towards him, "Aren't you?" He thinks there might be significance to Tsukishima's words, _tell them,_ he thinks dully but can't quite grasp. He looks away first, letting Tsukishima stare at him because he _can't_ tell anyone, not when Kenma is involved now. "Right." He mutters back, like acid and he really wishes he had broken Tsukishima's glasses when he had the chance.

Yamaguchi makes an odd noise around his chopsticks that reminds him that he too should be eating instead of being subject to the fact that Tsukishima _knows._ Not everything but enough, enough to torture him with that information. He looks down, at the table and at the bowl tucked in front of him, still steaming rice and what he thinks might be miso soup; after everything, he still can't quite bring himself to eat it, not until he grabs onto Suga-san for _something,_ support, probably. The older boy gives him a look, something soft enough that he can't hate, even if he really wants to because he hates that look. "Sorry." He mumbles, carefully cradling his chopsticks in his non-dominant hand before plunging them into gooey white. He gives his brain enough time to register what it is his body is doing, enough time to make his hand stop before his throat threatens to clamp down. He takes another moment, reminding himself where he is, that _home_ was too far away from Sato and Natsu and his mother. _Tokyo._ He mouths, leaving his lips parted to tuck his breakfast inside.

The rice burns but doesn't claw down his throat like he remembers it used to, doesn't set grit between his teeth, it goes down easily, nudging against the burning flesh of his throat but not causing it. Suga-san's thumb twists over his fingers, he's not quite sure why he isn't ready to let go, to drop those years off of his shoulders, Sato was his aunt now, not his caretaker and he knew why the rice was the way it was. _Freak._ Swallowing around nothing makes his fingers clench, hard enough that Suga-san leans towards him. "Shouyou?" That soft look intensifies and it takes more effort than it should to stop his fingers from crushing the older boy's. "Sorry." He says, more out of reflex, even if he does know why he is apologizing. "It's fine." Is the reply he gets but his attention is drawn to Kageyama across from him, _staring_ at him again, "Uh-?" He tries when the taller boy's gaze gets even harder, "Kageyama?" He says when he can finally remember the name of his teammate instead of dragging himself away looks that held the same weight, looks that meant something. "Kageyama?" Suga-san asks, voiced pitched oddly, "Oh! Kageyama, good morning?" He watches Kageyama's eyes flick off of him, can feel the weight of that gaze gone.

"Good morning, Suga-san." The setter grits out, he's pretty sure that he can hear Suga-san's brain going blank while they both watch their teammate glare and mutter quietly to himself. "Uh," He says again, giving both of the setters curious looks, Suga-san finally looks down at him after his third rotation, a polite smile that radiates awkwardness greets him. "Suga-san?" He asks, feeling both terrified and amused, "I think Kageyama is having a rough morning." He's not quite sure what to make of that, if there's anything to make of anything from the older boy's words. He laughs, something awkward and unsure until Suga-san gives him an odd look, offering his hand again, palm up and still red from before. He wishes that he didn't have to take it, that the compulsion for comfort would just wither into nothingness. The urge doesn't leave when Suga-san's fingers are wrapped around his hand, only lessens the _wrongness_ that won't go away.

Breakfast turns quiet while his hand is in Suga-san's, just chewing and muted conversations that he can't pick up through the thick haze of _something_ that's clouding everything around him. He catches Kageyama staring at him and notices that Suga-san is staring at Kageyama, he tries his hardest not to notice, tries even harder to keep his hands from shaking harder. His bowl is only half empty when Suga-san stands but desperation makes him cling to the older boy, all the way to the gym with Kageyama on their trail. He's not sure what's different, they're teammates and Kageyama is prone to staring but it feels _different._ Heavy and unsettling like before they'd been introduced, only worse.

Practice passes with the same unease, Kageyama staring at him but he can excuse that, they're sharing a court and their quick is non-existent without the setter's awareness. He's pretty sure that the taller boy should be staring at the ball instead of him but that might just be Kageyama changing, adjusting his sets, that's what he'll settle for. His theory crumbles by the end of the day, when their quick _fails_ too often and they end up losing every game. Their last penalty is to run up a hill. Fifty times. Again.

The all air is crisp and goes in like knives fluttering against his throat, chilled in the way that means they probably shouldn't be running up a hill fifty times, he's more surprised that it isn't raining, even if his fingers are numb by the time it's over. Bokuto-san and Akaashi-san are waiting by the gym doors when he barges through them, barely rolling out the way of his shivering teammates that collapse through the doorway. "Hey, hey, hey!" Bokuto-san chirps while offering him water. He accepts it, finds the room temperature plastic to be a furnace on his unfeeling skin. "Cruel, isn't it?" The older boy asks a moment later following up with a loud laugh, fists on his sides like he's restraining himself from laughing even harder. Shouyou takes a step back when Akaashi-san does, "How many penalties has your team done? How many times have you been up that hill?" He's not even sure anymore and responds with a lazy shrug, Bokuto-san shrugs too, "Well, Future Ace-chan, you've got a long way to go if you're going to beat any of the teams here!" Something in Bokuto-san's tone is contradictory to the words being said, something almost inspiring, nearly the opposite of how his own captain gives speeches but equally as moving, maybe.

"Let's get a move on!" Strong fingers push against his scalp, attempting to lead him back into the cold. He stops walking and Bokuto-san's hand stops leading him, "I have to do- something." He explains lamely, offering something like a smile to the pouting boy beside him. "Something with Kenma-san?" Akaashi-san asks quietly, calculations working behind an overlay of barely blue irises. There's color in his cheeks that he blames on the cold, "Yes." He answers honestly. "I'll see you later?" He says because he can't think of anything else, Akaashi-san nods, wrapping long fingers around one of Bokuto-san's too big arms and leading the strangely haired boy away. "Bye bye, Shou-chan!" He hears from too far away. He smiles even when he doesn't feel like it, all the way to where the Nekoma team is staying.

He contemplates knocking and how many taps would be too formal but the door slides open before his fist can make contact with it. "Shrimpy-chan." The empty space says. He swallows and takes a step back, "Kuroo." He says more out of shock than greeting, he catches grim lines twisting into a smile. "Looking for Kenma?" The older boy asks, taking a step forward. He smells _something_ from the older boy, he's not sure what it is but it makes him take another step back. "H-Yes... Yes." He splutters, taking yet another step back as the Nekoma captain steps forward.

"Well," Kuroo leers, taking another step forward and he's back there again, back in the dark with the older boy over him, gleaming teeth like a shark and chopper eyes that stare through him. "Kenma's a little busy right now." He's already forgotten why he's here and nods slowly, ready to run off but blunt hands push him back like they always do. "Let's talk about our deal, then I'll let you see Kenma, okay?" His body is shaking too hard that he doesn't notice his own nodding. 

"Gonna be good, Shouyou-chan?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry about the late uploads, I thought it was Tuesday for like the past six days. It's actually Sunday? Also, this chapter is really sloppy and the training camp will only be like, one more chapter lmao.


	47. Chapter Forty-Seven

**Chapter Forty-Seven**

"Yes." He says, accepting the inevitable, that Kuroo would hurt him and that he would see Kenma. He's not sure why he thought it would be different. "Good boy." Kuroo says, though he barely hears it through the ringing in his ears. The older boy leads him away, up a set of stairs and through an unfamiliar hallway, Kenma's school is a lot different than he thought it would be, darker and more foreboding than a place of education had any right to be. He supposes that his observation might be biased by the hand clenched around his own, too big and cold, like being swallowed by an ice cube. "In here, Shouyou-chan." Kuroo says with a flash of ivory, the same wicked grin he only sees when they're alone in the dark. He swallows around too many words, most of them begs for Kenma. "Good boy." Kuroo mock praises, patting him on the head as he takes two steps into what might be a classroom on a normal basis.

He's not sure what to do with his limbs around Kuroo when they're not being pinned against something, when they're not fighting to catch his breath and clawing without a single falter in too thick shadow. Shouyou isn't left to his thoughts for long, not nearly enough time to decide where to put his body before the decision is made for him. Kuroo's tanned arms dig into his sides, nudging bruises that flare under the older boy's touch, burly fingers dig into his hips and his feet leave the ground. The position is familiar, only lacking flickering yellow lights and the roughness of a cement wall digging into his back. Pushing those memories away only makes them fight harder for control, to mend that instance into this one, he thinks he might be able to hear Grand King's breathing instead of Kuroo's. "Shou-chan?" Kuroo, or Grand King, maybe, asks, a whisper into his neck that drags like flame. "Yes." He says, because he can forgive Kuroo, if only because he was Kenma's friend. _Best friend._ Kuroo laughs.

Things are quiet for a moment, with him staring at the bleak classroom over Kuroo's shoulder, through messy, inky hair that's too close. He's put down, on something that isn't the floor, Kuroo's hands shift, swallowing his sides with squirming, roaming fingers that nestle under the hem of his shirt. The older boy's fingers are still cold and his fingernails are hard as steel when they slide over his skin, forcing angry red marks over skin that he can't see. "Good boy." Kuroo says, though he's not sure why, Shouyou thinks it might be his acceptance, the fact that his cries haven't been herded out of him at the first instance of pain. He doesn't feel like crying, or screaming, or begging. He's just there, under Kuroo's chest that presses him until he's flat on the surface he's been placed on, a desk, he figures.

Kuroo's lips are as cold as his fingers. He just wishes that he didn't know that, that he couldn't still feel them against his. Another thing taken away, only this time there's no flash of light, just subtle black that slides over his forehead. The older boy is panting when he pulls up, harsh breaths that make him feel each of Kuroo's ribs digging into his own, grinding in ways that make him squirm uncomfortably, "You're shaking." Kuroo muses, head tilting enough to expose both of his eyes, dull chopper that he can barely discern from the grey filter settled over his vision. "Yes." He agrees, taking a moment to glance at his trembling fingers while not taking his eyes off the older boy above him, not that it's much of an ordeal when Kuroo is engulfing him like he is, making it harder to breathe than it already is.

The pause in action ceases to exist, Kuroo's fingers slide over his skin like a heavy tide, pushing his shirt up until it's over his arms and on the floor. He shivers but he's unsure if it's the cold or the lingering gaze of the boy above him, pulled back enough to only take up space on his lap with folded legs. "You're hurt." Kuroo says, like their deal, that this moment, wasn't made of him getting hurt. He nods, thankful for the thick black that slides over his eyes, blocking off half of Kuroo's heavy gaze. "Do they hurt?" Questioned along with a prod to the one on his left hip, he jerks away from the touch and the Nekoma captain makes a noise he can't define. "I'm sorry, Shou-chan." Kuroo whispers, it sounds sincere, lacking the biting sarcasm that it should have. The words stun him, he's just not sure why, _why_ Kuroo's apologizing and making it sound sincere.

"I'd never hurt you," Kuroo whispers, promises that slide ice over the burning lines of his chest. _Mine._ "We'd never hurt you." Said with conviction, Shouyou almost believes it, would have believed it if Kuroo hadn't already hurt him, hadn't made him fear the dark and taken pictures of it. _I think I like this one the most._ He can still see the screen, the still image of himself with his face dripping with tears and semen. Kuroo leans back then, until the weight of the older boy is no longer crushing his legs, he half hopes that the older boy will leave, slide through the door and open the path for him to see Kenma. Instead, he gets stinging on his hip, sliding slickness that he tries to move away from only for his thigh and shoulder to get pinned down by heavy fingers. Kuroo's gaze calls to him and he meets it without meaning to, looks down at his own form, scarred and angry skin half blocked by messy hair and tan skin.

It's paralyzing being under Kuroo, under long limbs made of hidden muscle that make his shoulders and back rub into a too flat desk. The older boy keeps smiling, little slices of sharp teeth and crinkled eyes, that's terrifying too, made worse when the older boy decides to sink against him again, low enough that he can feel Kuroo breath on his skin, against half healed bruises. The Nekoma captain sinks down, Shouyou watches the lines of Kuroo's teeth separate before continuing to sink lower and lower. Kuroo's teeth are sharper than his smile, cold and stinging, also enough warning for his chest to seize into a firm stillness. His lungs aren't taking in air and he only notices when Kuroo leans back minutely to mutter against his skin, "Breathe, Shouyou-chan." Kuroo laughs again, a muted rendition of the one Suga-san must have heard. Against his own command, he draws in a breath, a deep inhale that stutters on the way out. He watches Kuroo's lips quirk into menacing steel against his skin, chin resting against his thigh, only just sharp enough to tingle.

Kuroo nips a line across his stomach, barely dodging his belly button in the process and ends up over another bruise. "Did he do this to you, Shouyou-chan?" He thinks it's a stupid question, that this situation, everything about this situation, is stupid. "Yes." He confirms, only because Kuroo is staring at him and the weight of it is like cement settling on his skin. "Oikawa Tooru." Shouyou flinches away, knocking his head into the desk and his knee against Kuroo's icy warmth. The older boy gives him a look, a frown turning into an expression he's never seen before and has no idea how to name. "I'll get him, Shouyou-chan." He thinks that's what scares him the most, though he's certain that the words hadn't been said for his benefit. "Then you'll be ours, right, Shouyou?" Kuroo asks, nails tapping against his hip like the older boy is getting impatient for a question he just asked. "Yes." He says, unsure himself if it's a lie or not. Kuroo nods, tracing another awkward line of nips and bites across his chest until they land on one side of his neck, lapping and sucking until it goes numb to sensation beyond a blunt _it's there._ Slickness drags over his lips when Kuroo pulls back, his jaw worked open with rough fingers until he tastes blood. His blood, he knows, too familiar with the taste and that knowledge makes his stomach twist, acid sliding against his throat until he swallows it down.

The taste lingers after Kuroo pulls back, he's dazed enough to barely feel that numb sensation working into the other side of his neck, sucking and biting mixed with odd noises that seem to come from another room, he really wishes that they were. "Make me feel good, Shouyou-chan." Kuroo commands, softly enough to be a whisper but that deadly quality still lingers in the sharp assessing quality in Kuroo's eyes that almost looks like pleading. He nods. Kuroo moves, morphing their positions until it's him on top of Kuroo, he still feels blocked, pushed into a corner in the dark. He waits for flashes of light that never come while Kuroo shifts scarlet shorts down a fraction, just enough for his hardness to be shown. He thinks it's stupid, being scared of a _thing,_ but knowing that thing belongs to Kuroo, the boy who made the darkness swallow him, he thinks that's why he's terrified, why his fingers are turning into a blurring mess as he reaches for it.

Kuroo makes an odd noise once they make contact, it's the first thing that he notices, the second being how _warm_ it is, a different kind of burn than the one Kuroo usually provides. It's almost not bad, different and still crippling. He could be running, knows that he should at least be resisting. _Mine,_ Kuroo's mouth says without even moving, _mine mine mine,_ he focuses on the skin and muscle under his fingers, on the boiling under the surface and hopes that this will be something he can forget, that he can scream and black out to wake up in someone's arms, Kenma's, Daichi's, _Tsukishima's,_ he doesn't really care. _Mine,_ Kuroo's fingers squawk with sharp prods to his shoulder, pulling him into blackness that doesn't bring the amnesia he begs for. The fingers move, sliding across the exposed region of his back once his face is settled in heavy musk, lips forced apart and tongue cradling dry heat that makes him gag. Kuroo moans. "Shouyou-chan." Gasped into the air like Kuroo doesn't hate him in that instance.

"Good boy." The older boy says, voice and grip more steady than before. Kuroo's body shifts then, leaning up until warm skin is blunt against the top of his head, he can feel that gaze again and wonders when it left. "Suck, Shouyou-chan." A command, soft but firm and not Kuroo. He sucks, drawing in pressure through the seal Kuroo forces into his mouth. The older boy moans, pushing his hips forward while hands cling to his hair, pressing him down until his vision starts fading, "More." Shouyou isn't sure how to take that, what more he could give when he belongs to Kuroo, when he forgave the older boy. "More." Kuroo repeats, blunt nails dragging across his scalp like a feral beast. Kuroo pulls him off by his hair, tilting him back with a flick of his wrist until his neck strains, chopper glances down at him, darker an wider than they should be. "You can do better, Shouyou-chan." Kuroo says, commands, requests, with another crooked grin, "Be a good boy." _Good boy._ His opportunity to respond is pulled from him with a sharp jerk of Kuroo's fist, one hand tugging on his hair and the other on his neck, pushing him down into a sheet of black as quickly as it removes him, blurs of tan skin are all that exist in his vision, blurs that turn into almost nothing once the older boy is fully settled inside of him, docking in his throat with a burning that spreads into his lungs. "Good boy." Kuroo moans, hips twisting, edging minute millimeters into him, breaking off any chance he had of breathing.

The older boy holds him down though his squirming, through every resistance that he can manage with his lungs burning and nothing to fill him. His groan -his beg- is muffled by Kuroo's moan, flat notes drawn out that makes him think of Kenma's piano, of the first piece the older boy played for him, deep and thrumming, alive in a way that shouldn't be possible. Shouyou is pretty sure he sees the same Tokyo sunset through mess of Kuroo's hair and his dotting vision; the older boy pulls him up when it starts getting too vivid, when he can make out the different hues of a dying sky, "Shouyou." Kuroo says, shocking him back into the classroom, to the too flat desk, "Big breath." Commanded and he's not sure why he's glad to lose the ability to breathe, even if knows why, so he can see music and hear a sunset, to think of Kenma while he's trapped under tanned fingers that aren't the right size. It's longer this time, the period in which Kuroo is inside of him, throbbing in his throat like a muscle that he shouldn't be able to feel, Kuroo twists, easing purple into a too bright gradient. "I'm close." He pants, grip tightening until Shouyou can feel knuckles grinding against his scalp while Kuroo tugs his head to his will.

Throbbing brings a sour taste, more and more as Kuroo continues to twist, moaning that cuts off with pants brings the finale, Kuroo's fingers stop, smoothing out until his entire head is being loosely held onto the dying arousal. Liquid lingers in his throat, sticky and cooling, he wants to vomit, to spit it out and turn away from it. He swallows, using his nose to take in half a breath that isn't stopped, Kuroo's stomach slows under his forehead but the older boy's pulse is still racing, still beating with warmth that he didn't know could be found in the older boy. In this moment, with Kuroo's release sliding into his stomach, with the older boy's too big fingers sliding in his hair - touch that he hates - and Kuroo's feet locking his knees in place, he thinks he can still forgive. For Kenma's sake, for _us_ and _ours._

"Sorry." He says, once he's up, once his mouth belongs to him and he can take in a big swallow of air. "Good boy." Kuroo says, sliding fingers through his hair, ruffling the blob of messy locks and pushing them back, "You belong to us, Shouyou, right?" Kuroo says, rasped but still softer than he's ever heard the older boy. He takes another look, across tan skin, ignoring grey shadows that gleam with sweat, past too sharp teeth that are trained into a neutral expression. "Yes." He says with the forgiveness and apologizes attached. "My Shouyou-chan." Kuroo states, pulling him into tanned skin that radiates what they had just done. "We'll love you forever, promise." Kuroo adds, twisting his limp frame until his back is pressed against Kuroo's folded front, he can feel Kuroo's heart against his ribs, slowing with each second. "Want to see Kenma now?" He hates that he has to think about it, that he has to find a balance in their dynamic, that he has more than one protector. _Ours._ "Yes." Kuroo laughs, nudging him with his still bare crotch. He slides off of the desk, out of Kuroo's grasp and finds the floor under his feet to be wobbly. Kuroo catches him under his arms, holding him up until his feet are ghosting under the ground, "Shouyou?" Kuroo asks, easing forward until he can see the older boy's nose in the side of his vision. "Sorry." He says again, shy smile that makes Kuroo laugh again. "Let's go see Kenma." The older boy says, setting him down on his still trembling feet and grabbing onto his hand, leading him towards the door, towards Kenma.

As they get closer, he gets more and more shaky, unsure and frightened. He nudges Kuroo, asking for permission and the older boy accepts, pushing the bathroom door open. The floor is still sticky and the lights are still too bright, his footsteps turn into echoing blurs like trains swishing by while he works his way towards the closest sink. He's unable to keep Kuroo's gaze when the older boy's reflection starts to stare at him, he focuses on his own skin, his hands that doesn't feel like his own. He scrubs. Softly at first, with suds that turn into a foaming puddle in the basin, then harder, then even harder. "Shouyou." Whizzes past his heard, a breeze that somehow exists in a small room. He scrubs instead of responding, only pulling his palms from steaming bundles to gather more soap, only to get cleaner. He sees the sun setting again, past a blanket of white, though know it seems like somewhere else, because it only rains in Tokyo. Shouyou thinks of home, of where he came from, of that porch and the owl that screeches when he gets to close. It's gone as soon as he's pulled into its details, "Shouyou!" A screech, but not the one from his childhood, the last one before his father died. From Kuuro, with narrowed eyes and tugging fingers, he lets himself be pulled from it, from a portal that leads to too many years ago. "Yuukio Hinata." He sighs, letting Kuroo hold onto him, leading him through his numb hands.

"Yuu- What?" Kuroo asks, pulling open a door that doesn't feel like a door when he walks through it, the older boy leads him to another door that slides open, he sees his protector then, sees a blob of yellow that blocks his view of _gold._ "Kenma-" Kuroo gasps, pushing him in front, a grip on his shoulders to lead him to Kenma. He goes, stumbling under Kuroo's too fast pace until he's in range to climb into Kenma's lap. The older boy grunts when his thighs are crushed, "Kenma." He gasps, feeling another layer of calmness force itself around a subtle ball of panic. It trembles, shaking for release and he's not sure what to do. "Shouyou?" Kenma asks, quiet and half shocked. He can't meet the other boy's eyes and he can't lift his hands from where they're limp by his sides, can't let himself stain Kenma with Kuroo's touch, with Kuroo's _pleasure._ He still feels _icky,_ like Kuroo's skin is still under his, crushing him without being close. "Shouyou." Kenma says, displeased and tucking knuckles under his chin, he follows, different from following Kuroo, even if they are on the same side- the same _something._ That scares him more than it should, not being able to name something.

Kenma's eyes are golden still, but darker than usual, _almost_ matching the sunset he's pretty sure was real. Almost, he thinks it would be a perfect match if not for him, for his _disorder._ "Kenma." He says, more dazed than he actually is. "I'm sleepy." He says, even though he's not, is pretty sure that he couldn't sleep if he tried. "Tired." Kenma corrects. Shouyou focuses on Kenma's lips and can't bring himself to lean closer, lean forward like Kenma is doing right now. "Sorry." Kenma shrugs, still close enough that Shouyou can smell freshly washed hair. "You hung out with Kuroo?" The older boy asks, flitting gold and Shouyou thinks they land on the boy -the threat- behind him. _Good boy,_ Kuroo's eyes glint when he looks too, another smile, barely a tilt of the lips that's still makes his heart stop, even in a brightly lit room. "Sure did." Kuroo says, filling up the air meant for his response. "Good." Kenma concedes. Shouyou lets his eyes fall back on his protector, on warm red that glows where his shadow isn't touching. His hands are still hanging and he's pretty sure that Kenma notices that when the older boy grabs onto one. He makes an attempt at not recoiling, not flinching away because his hands are burning and still unclean. "Your hands are wet." Kenma observes, casual but questioning makes his eyebrows arch. "Sorry?" He says, making to wipe them off, a way out that closes when the weight of Kenma's arm follows his hand.

"It's fine, Shouyou." Kenma says like always, even when everything is _not_ fine, he curls up around that thought, letting it fester in the connection his hand shares with Kenma's while he shrinks on the older boy's lap. He's not sure what there is to say, if he should even say anything that would threaten the _plan,_ the countdown ticks again, clicking seconds while Kenma follows his spine with his free hand. It's nice, calming when he shouldn't be calm. Kuroo's still around, like something he can smell, but his eyes are closed before he notices; Kenma doesn't say anything, Kenma will protect him until he wakes.

He's pretty sure it worked, Kenma's protection, when his eyes open and he can draw in a big breathe. It smells like dread, fear wrapped in oxygen. The dark isn't helping and he squirms, nudging his way out of warmth until he's standing on top of someone, they groan but barely shift. Shouyou stares at the wall, where Kenma is, where he _was,_ and where Kuroo is. His protectors -his _protector_ and Kuroo- are leaning against the wall, Kenma's body is shifting, a byproduct of his morning _something._ He steps off whoever is under him, wishing he wasn't _wary_ of being near Kenma, that he wasn't carefully _calculating_ the way he slides next to the older boy, careful to keep on one side and away from Kuroo. Kenma would notice when he awakens, Shouyou is sure of that, but he lets himself relax, lets himself _try_ to relax while his head settles into the nook between Kenma's shoulder and tilting hair. _Good boy_ lingers, stretches longer than shadows and twice as dark. _Good boy._ Kuroo's presence says without a mouth. He can't go back to sleep and he can't _move._

Until he can. His hands shift, scrubbing without soap or water but with cause, to escape Kuroo, to escape _good boy._ He scrubs until his hands are wet, dripping and still not clean. He moves then, when his face is dripping in time with the heartbeat in his fingers, dodging stray legs and headless pillows until his feet on are on sticky tile, his feet smack while he approaches the sink, it's the only sound, besides the dripping, and the sobbing. Shouyou takes a look at his face, the action feels odd and the response is almost nothing until his reflection starts moving even though he does not. He watches for a long moment, taking in red cheeks and the bleary trickle of things he should be _over,_ be done with, because the _deal_ had been made, because Kenma wants him to.

He scrubs again, with soap even though it stings, makes _that_ trickle turn into bubbly crimson that settles into the sink and won't disappear. The water is cold against his skin, freezing to the point where it burns and he lingers until he can take a step without _good boy_ whispered into his ears by voices that aren't there. Shouyou steps out of the bathroom before the urge to _scrub_ returns, before his numb skin starts to itch, calling itself _unclean_ and screaming until it burns, he can't quite bring himself to return to his protector, knowing that Kenma seeing him _dripping_ and crying would give the older boy a bad morning, would make him ask questions. _Why,_ when they both know that he can't say. Instead, he makes his way to his own team, like walking towards a different kind of warmth, with no _threats,_ that strange thought lingers while he scoots himself next to his captain. He thinks of deals then, of _ours,_ of _whore_ until it all leads back to Kuroo, a brand of poison that was starting to make him scared of someone he loves, and maybe _for_ someone he loves. Kuroo promised that Kenma wouldn't be involved, that he wouldn't know and now he's both.

Daichi shifts eventually, seconds-minutes-hours, he's not sure, the sun is there, on the wall across from him, turning it almost orange. A hand, warm and rough settles on his side, over a bruise that doesn't quite hurt, he thinks of Kuroo's tongue, claiming him, it was stupid to think that would only last in that moment, trapped by a desk and a deal. Tomorrow was their last day in Tokyo, he's not sure how it got past him that it was closer to two weeks than three when he's been counting every other second, tomorrow they would pack up and ride back to _normal,_ away from Tokyo, towards something nobody but him knew about. It's _something,_ something he can't explain no matter how many words come to mind, nothing seems to fit the terror-relief-anticipation-fear-regret swarming in his blood and threatening to tear everything apart. Considering one thing he shouldn't be thinking about leads to another, Natsu, and another, his mother, and another, Sato, he wonders if he should say something to them, something like goodbye, a real one, the one Yuukio didn't give him or his sister.

"Stupid." He mutters into the futon separating him from the floor, the cushion shifts with his words and replies, "It's too early for stupid." It says, sounding too much like his captain. He laughs, something soft enough to hide in the fibers between them. "What's on your mind?" Shouyou shrugs the shoulder closest to his captain, Daichi knows he has too much stuff on his mind, always. The older boy grunts, then clears his throat, then coughs hollowly, "I'm too old for this."

"It's too early for old." Shouyou retorts, scooting closer to the older boy, preserving the moment and the furnace like waves his captain always emits. Daichi moans again, "You're the one talking to yourself at-" Another shift and a small click, "Seven in the morning." He shrugs again, unapologetic and only a fraction embarrassed at being caught. Not that Daichi needed to know that. "Just thought I'd share my genius with my teammate." His captain makes a weird noise, both acknowledging and dismissing him.

"...Daichi?" He asks eventually, after listening to too many snores with too many thoughts rattling in his head. The older boy clenches the arm around his waist and it takes too much effort not to make a noise after the pressure leaves the mark on his hip throbbing, he takes a moment to find himself, "Do you ever think something bad is about to happen?" He shifts, taking in the profile of his captain's face while he waits for an answer and manages to catch the tail end of a yawn and the blooming of a wry grin, "Like my first year dating the 'enemy'?" Said with enough emphasis that Daichi's fingers seem too obvious. "Enemy." He repeats, blunt and almost too loud. He tries for a moment, to think of Kenma, his protector, as an _enemy,_ in the same way that Grand King is, or that Kuroo is, maybe. Kenma doing the exact opposite of everything he's done; holding him, loving him, feeding him, housing him. Not the opposite, the same but not the same, Kuroo and Grand King offered those things, love, touch and somewhere to live. It's _odd._ Thinking about it like that. Wrong on too many levels after everything that Grand King and Kuroo did to him.

Daichi drags him to breakfast with those things just sitting there, growing and taking nasty shapes, making him imagine gold twisting into something vile in the dark, making _Kenma_ become everything he knows the older boy isn't. He can't eat the rice today, too many harsh thoughts twisting and locking his throat up to think about the past, to the things that mattered too much and now don't even feel real. "Daichi?" He asks, trying to pull himself out of a tangle of insults and contusions. "You never answered my question." He says without looking up from his bowl of fermented soy beans. Daichi grunts around a mouthful of something, "I don't really know what you mean, to be honest." Shouyou nods, uncomfortable and cautious, " _Is_ something bad going to happen?" Daichi asks, giving him a long glance that he reflects with a curtain of bangs. "I dunno." He says honestly, as honestly as he thinks he can manage. He's not sure what to _feel_ about this, about Grand King or Kuroo's deal. It's sickening and chilling and someone is going to notice if he keeps talking like that. "Never mind, it's probably nothing." A shrug and half smile make Daichi's face twitch when he manages a look at the older boy. "Right." His captain says, like he doesn't believe him and Shouyou is pretty sure that he doesn't.

He sits with Daichi even after he's finished eating, waiting for something and pretending to not be avoiding something, including the curious gaze of the boy beside him, Suga-san shows up after the third round of avoiding intense eye contact. There's a smile on the setter's face, so he's not really sure why he gets this weird feeling, like the older boy is frowning through the happy tilt of his mouth, "Morning, Suga-san." He offers with a wave, Suga-san's gaze settles on him after a slow blink, like the older boy is finally seeing him instead of just staring at him. "Good morning, Shouyou, Daichi." Cheery but distracted is all he can discern from the tiredness masking Suga-san's voice. "Something wrong?" Daichi asks with more rice on his cheeks that he remembers being there a minute ago. Suga-san blinks again, mouth contorting into something more like a smile. "Kageyama is still being _strange."_

He thinks of the staring, like an endless, _creepy_ ocean with a side of staring. The weird grumbling and _the staring._ "Did you figure out what's wrong with him?" He asks, only half guilty that he asks for his sake more than his setter's. Suga-san takes the empty seat next to him, slouching and yawning before replying, "I don't think he's said a word since yesterday." Shouyou blinks, remembering Kageyama's greeting and he's unable to recall the taller boy saying a word, even through their practice and penalties. "Strange." He echoes, feeling _weird,_ Kageyama wasn't good at _feelings_ but the _dumbass_ was never far from the setter's lips. "It's probably nothing." Daichi says, sounding like he has everything under control even if they have no idea what's going on. "Should we?" He asks, not quite sure how to say it, trying to talk with Kageyama usually lead to him having fingerprints pressed into his skull and being pulled back to times he can barely remember. _I think I figured out your problem._ "I think he wants to be alone." Suga-san says, something crooked and disturbing making his eyebrows twist in almost amusement. The words seem like an invitation after Suga-san refuses to elaborate on the subject and he is, unfortunately, the closest one to Kageyama.

Finding the setter is easy enough, approaching him is like walking into a hurricane of moodiness and he's pretty sure that's enough of a sign that he should back off, to join the rest of their team and warm up for practice. "Kageyama?" He asks, earning him an empty glance half concealed with creased eyebrows. "Uh- everything okay?" He asks instead of _I know something is wrong._ The taller boy remains silent, staring at him like a twisted predator. He's too familiar with the feeling to remain still for long and, against his better judgement, takes a spot against the wall, maintaining a careful distance between them. "Practice is starting." He says only for something to say, because he knows that Kageyama knows that. The setter nods, eyes darting to the knees that are getting closer to his chest, "It's nothing, dumbass." Dark but lacking the respectable viciousness that Kageyma is known for. Not that he respects the setter. At all. "I-" Kageyama starts, informal speech that quickly dissolves into muttering that he can't understand.

"I hate you." Kageyama says, loud enough for him to hear, loud enough to echo while the taller boy walks away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, the chapter didn't like, go up yesterday. So I had to rewrite like half of it. O well. c:


	48. Chapter Forty-Eight

**Chapter Forty-Eight**

He sits there for a minute that could easily be an hour, stunned into silence even with the urge in his throat begging him to call after his setter, mixed with the phantom pain lingering across his vocal chords he's stuck staring at where Kageyama had disappeared. _I hate you._ It feels weird in his head, foreign on his tongue when he wets his lips. "I hate you." Tries the words, new yet ancient. Shouyou isn't sure what to make of Kageyama's admission, his declaration and his exit.

He wonders if Kageyama will show up to practice.

 _Hate,_ he thinks, over and over, he's not sure he could _hate_ anyone, let alone tell them that. He's pretty sure that makes Kageyama brave, or stupid, maybe; one of those weird Kageyama habits that takes a while to iron out. Though, he's more concerned as to _why,_ why Kageyama hated him so much that he had to isolate himself and then _not_ explode, not have an outburst like he always does. It's intriguing and terrifying, a dangerous, stupid combination that he wishes that he could steer clear of, to learn his lesson once and for all that some _mysteries_ don't need to be solved, even if Kageyama was his teammate, his partner on the court.

There's one thought rattling in his head when he approaches the court, kicking his toes into his shoes to buy a few seconds to negotiate with himself, _I shouldn't be doing this._ He knows that, he really, really knows that he should just _back off,_ tell Daichi that he isn't well. It's not an excuse, he tells himself, he did forget to take his pills and he did have to swallows his breakfast down as soon as he saw Kageyama again. _I hate you,_ Kageyama says with a blank face that still reflects too much.

"D-Daichi?" He asks, edging on the back line, toeing it with his shoe but not crossing, being on the court would mean sharing space with Kageyama while both of them are at their worst, he knows it's going to be catastrophic, worse than that, probably. "Shouyou?" Daichi asks, twisting out of stretch to stare at him face to face. The worry in his captain's face makes him worried, "Did you talk to Kageyama?" He nods, glancing around the whiteness of Daichi's shirt to glance at his teammate. Kageyama stares at him, then pretends not to be staring at him. Shouyou looks back up, nibbles on his lip, buying more time, knowing that Daichi would either scream or throw them both into a wall if he said anything. "I couldn't figure out what's wrong with him, sorry." He bows, something shallow as it is casual. Daichi shrugs when he looks up, frowns as he pushes hair away.

"You need a haircut, you'll end up like Asahi." Daichi shakes his head, somewhat fond but not at all negative. He shrugs, "I like it." The older boy nods, crooked, playful grin in place, "That's all that matters, I guess, now get stretched, we gotta win at least _one_ game before we leave." He _almost_ points out that they had won _two_ games in the last week, the need to inform his captain that they wouldn't be using their freak quick if Kageyama didn't forgive him. He's pretty sure he's not going to be spiking today, at all.

Until he does, it's messy, _sloppy_ even. Another oddity for Kageyama because the ball had come right to the setter and everything should have been perfect. The ball slides over the net and falls onto the ground, nobody says anything as they win the first set, changing sides is in equally quiet exchange while they all pretend not to give Kageyama weird looks. He even notices Takeda-sensei raising both eyebrows and frowning enough to expose some wrinkles. He thinks that might be what tells him, more than Kuroo and Kageyama, that this place was doing something to them, _ruining_ them; he's also certain that leaving this place would be a mistake, that it would bring Tokyo one step closer to Miyagi and then _everything_ would shatter.

They lose the second set. And the third set. Shouyou is pretty sure that everyone saw it coming, Shinzen's combo attacks were intense and everyone was too busy staring at Kageyama's twitching face to notice, he almost expected the setter to break down in the middle of the game. He thinks he can be proud of Kageyama for keeping it up for so long, all through three sets with everyone staring at him, asking to help just outside of the setter's reach. It might be more annoying than helpful for Kageyama, he's almost certain of that when the setter throws himself onto floor, glaring at everyone from around his water bottle. _I hate you._ It's still interesting, this old new word that labels what he thought was partnership with Kageyama. He tests it again, then again, whispering to himself between gulps of water, the flavor is harsh, the way it rolls off of his tongue is too new to feel good and it kind of scares him. Hate could turn him into Kageyama, alone and glaring on the floor, he still respects the setter though, for saying that, even if he _hates_ that he did.

The next game the same way, crooked sets that _spin_ instead of float over, the spikes are no better and the energy is barely there. Even their opponents look sorry for them, it's more irritating than it should be and he's pretty sure that Tanaka is going to climb over the net and peck someone's eyes out if there's another snicker from the other end of the court. The mood shifts between the next set and he's not sure why until his eyes fall onto the bench, over Ukai and Takeda and onto Kageyama, gripping his knees so hard Shouyou is pretty sure they're going to fall off. He takes another look around the court and catches the crooked grin Suga-san offers him from around the ball before he serves it perfectly between the back guards.

There's screaming, cheering for a comeback that isn't quite there yet, the court feels odd under his feet, like he's stepping in mud instead of waxed floorboards. Suga-san pats him on the back, another smile in place, "He'll get out of it." The older boy promises and Shouyou nods, even if he's not quite sure, more uncertain of Kageyama than he thinks he should be. They lose the next set. Kageyama doesn't join them for their penalty and he watches the setter in between dive drills, takes in the way a teenage boy is making two adults uncomfortable. It's almost funny but irritation swells through everything, the doubt and foreboding, his _disorder_ is put to the side while he finds himself wrapped warm in anger. He thinks it's selfish of Kageyama to be like that, to _hate_ him for no reason and then abandon their team, leaving them alone even with only a few meters disconnecting them.

Bokuto-san's team ends up on the other side of the court next, all of them are sweating enough that he thinks they might have a chance this time, until Akaashi-san ends up on the other side of the net, raising an eyebrow and flicking his head towards the bench. Shouyou frowns, not sure how to communicate everything that happened in half a minute, _I hate you,_ the bench says all too loudly. He jerks when he hears the whistle, trips over his own feet trying to receive an out ball. His face hurts and he _isn't_ bleeding from smashing his nose into the ball after tripping a second time. He grumbles while he finds his feet, making sure to keep them far away from each other until he finds his balance, someone else's fingers pinch his nose for him.

"Ice." The person in front of him says, loud enough that it rattles across the gym, Yachi squeaks somewhere to his side and continues doing so as she makes her way out of the gym. He almost regrets asking her to be the new manager, regrets insisting until his face no longer burns and Kiyoko's gaze no longer lingers on him. "Thank you." She says on his behalf, Shouyou lets his eyes slide shut, embracing relief despite its cost. "Be more careful." She says, whispered like they're sharing a secret and he thinks they might be, that her words mean more than they do. He doesn't ask, though, and she seems content enough to remain quiet while his nose clots. "What's wrong with Kageyama-kun?" He almost snorts at the honorific but opens his eyes to look into oddly intense ones, he glances away before the twisting in his gut gets worse, "He hates me." He admits, quiet and nasally. Kiyoko winces, thin brows twisting in confusion.

"Hates you?" She asks, as if they were speaking different languages. He nods minutely into her hand, "That's what he said." Muttered as casually as he can, like he hasn't been thinking about it every moment since the setter walked past him. "Hate." Kiyoko whispers, like she also discovered something ancient but also new, he watches her eyes glaze over for a second before that _something_ is blinked away. "Probably just hormones." She says, tweaking a small, placating smile into place. It twitches when he stares and her lips slide into a frown when he doesn't look away, "Probably." He half-agrees, not really interested in Kageyama's problem as he is a solution.

"You should sit out for a bit." He thinks it might be a loaded statement, like she might ask about the truth, about the countdown or more about Kageyama, until he notices that the court is already back in action, Yamaguchi taking his place, _not_ blabbering to Tsukishima about something. He could sit out for a bit, not affected by Yamaguchi's too bright smile, not even a little. That's what he tells himself while he stands between Kiyoko and Yachi and ignores their too intense looks, one with calm confusion and the other equally unnerving but in a way he can't quite explain.

"Are you okay, Shouyou?" The manager to be asks, twisting a mass of paper towels in her hands like she'd like nothing more than to wipe blood and snot off of his face. He nods, ignoring the weird changes in pressure in his skull as he does, "I'll be fine." He says around the sack of ice making his nose stiff. She nods, clenches her paper towels with more fervor than he thinks is necessary, "If you need anything let me know!" She chirps, pink swirling into her cheeks and her eyes much wider than he's sure is safe. "Right." He says airily, confused and not quite sure how to handle this situation in the slightest.

He watches the game proceed, half listening to Kiyoko as she explains the plays to Yachi, both of their pencils scratching down notes on anything and everything. It's calm, like they're shifted into a little bubble, away from countdowns and deals and _mine, mine, mine._ As much as he tries to embrace it, those thoughts continue to linger until he has to sit down, Yachi squeaks, prodding him and asking if he's dead. Kiyoko laughs, quiet and calm, "It's fine." She says. Shouyou feels his shoulders tense and he tries to take a breathe but his lungs won't draw in the air. _B_ _ut you will be._ The words press against his skull, bashing it until his ears are ringing. _But you will be._ He tries not to snap at Yachi when her fingers settle on his shoulder, tries not to scream when her pinkie, small as it is, digs into one of the wounds that Grand King left him. "Yamaguchi-kun has this, Shouyou." She says with enough conviction, enough truth, that he's instantly reminded of where they are. On a volleyball court, brightly lit and away from the his teeth weren't clenching so hard, he would thank her. Even when her fingers shift and pull away, there's a residual throbbing that is left behind. Shouyou finds it cruel but fitting, that pain can send him spiraling back into those endless nights but can also rip him from them.

Observing the games is difficult after that small realization, with more fear and anxiety pooling in his gut, he's too scared to get back on the court and he's too scared to be anywhere else. Pain could bring him anywhere, it could help him and make everything wind into slow motion until he thought it would never end. He tries to blame the _disorder_ for the lingering thought that pain might be _not bad,_ that it had helped him see red before and how easy it would be to see it again. A number of voices tell him how stupid that is but the one urging him forward is louder than all of them. He doesn't move, though, just twists his hands around his legs and remains as still as possible.

Standing is an impossible task when he notices the team doing a penalty drill, his knees are trembling without any pressure on them and his head spins when he straightens his spine. He wants to move, to separate himself from the pinning stare from across the court, to reconnect with his team and feel _something._ He hates feeling like this, but he also knows the cost of escaping this feeling and he's willing to sacrifice a bit more when he sees blurs of crimson across the gym. Kenma is there, panting and face turned into a blurred mess with gleaming sweat, he's certain though, that one of those golden eyes is dusting over him. It's not quite enough to help him stand but the twisting in his gut slows, easing the nausea threatening his breakfast. He pulls away before anyone can comment on his staring and twists his head to the two managers guarding over him like statues.

"How's your nose?" Kiyoko asks, blue eyes twisting to meet his. He swallows, tries to ease his throat enough to respond and croaks out, "Fine, thank you very much." When he can't quite manage to calm himself down. Her lips morph into a more serious frown, "It doesn't sound fine." Yachi makes a weird possibly grunting noise.

"Yeah! You shouldn't stress your body if you're not feeling it." Her voice falters continuously through her words, volume lowering and lowering like someone is squeezing the life out of her. There's red on her cheeks when she finishes talking and she's staring at him with eyes wide enough to make him uncomfortable. "Sorry?" He says, forming it to be a question as much as a statement. She smiles something wicked, a look he's only seen on Kiyoko's face when her nose is between the wrinkled pages of that book.

"You'll get better in no time!" She says in what he thinks might be an assuring tone, if it wasn't for the _wiggling_ Yachi was doing in her shoes, he might believe her. Kiyoko laughs when he looks towards her, something fond and special. "Just a few more minutes." Said with as much playfulness as there is seriousness. He nods without meaning to, half content to remain in this atmosphere, away from pain and thoughts of _making_ red. Kiyoko smiles slightly. "It'll be over before you know it." Teasing, he knows that, he really, really knows that but _two weeks_ flashes in his brain before he can suppress the sensation. He twists his chin back towards the court, glances at the emptiness and the mess of bodies throwing themselves towards the ground.

Daichi is leading them across the sidelines, face blank as his chest collides with the ground, the rest of the team isn't as composed and little groans escape along with the sound of bodies colliding with the floorboards. He watches, not quite as interested as he tells himself to be, but he needs to focus his attention on something until everything morphs back into a neutral tone, without pain and without the countdown breathing down his neck, making his lungs still into nothingness. He tries to make it okay, tries to think of the people important to him telling him that over and over until it becomes true.

He's out of the gym before anything can stop him, he tries gulping in fresh air but it hurts on the way into his mouth and won't pool into his lungs enough to stop the pinching between his ribs. The middle blocker isn't sure why he did it, why he ran away again when being alone makes everything more intense, makes breathing even more impossible and his eyes pulse with dots that promise something unless he can fix it. He tumbles against the side of the building, ignoring the burn of concrete into the skin of his back and doesn't let himself get pulled back into that night. Instead, he throws himself into the dark and wishes that it was easier to fight it.

He's still alive and still outside when his brain turns back on, giving him flashes of memories that are imprinted to the surface of his brain, the ones he remembers the most when he's feeling like this. His protector seems more distant than he should be, he can still hear the squeaking of shoes and the screams from the gym, knows that Kenma would be in reaching distance if he didn't decide to isolate himself. There was something wrong with him, to turn away from the one person who didn't make him feel like _that_ , that much he was certain of. Thinking about the him made it a little easier to exist without being on the verge of panic, only just edging the blackness away from his vision and while he couldn't catch his breath, he was content to think about something _not bad_ while he shifted between states of unconsciousness and empty hyperventilation.

As much as he hated being alone, isolated with nobody to help him while his lungs struggled to inhale the breeze drifting into his face, the reality of someone offering help to him irritated him more than it should. They settle beside him, long legs not giving much away in terms of identity. "Idiot." Muttered loud enough to picked up over the breeze and nothing more. He looks up at Tsukishima and Tsukishima looks down at him in return with icy calculations twisting under a narrowed brow. "Sounds about right." He returns in the same tone, looking down at the cement between them.

The taller boy makes a weird choking sound, then a snort, "Acceptance is the first step." Shouyou picks up on the sarcasm underneath the Tsukishima's blank tone, he's pretty sure that's the _first step_ to understanding the other middle blocker, but he's not quite sure how Tsukishima would react to that _revelation._ Positively, he thinks, probably, maybe. It's quiet again after that, Tsukishima is still there though, _lingering_ as much as he is silently towering. Shouyou almost gets the impression that Tsukishima wants to say something that isn't an insult. Almost but not quite. Instead, Tsukishima just _stands_ there, beside him but also over him, like an umbrella that breathes really loudly.

It gets to him before he can quell his reaction. With a jerk, his neck twists until he's glaring up at his teammate and practically growls when he notices that Tsukishima's mouth, despite being wide open, is still curled in the corners and that weird _gotcha_ look is still half hidden behind the glare of his stupid glasses. "Do you have to breathe so _loudly?"_ He hisses, _not_ annoyed, at all. The taller boy's lips twist again but another voice comes in his direction, "Yeah, Tsukishima, do ya gotta breathe so loudly?" Then there's another person lingering in front of the gym doors, shaved head and crooked grin easily recognizable.

It feels almost like an ally but also another hindrance on his need to be alone but also _not._ Tsukishima grunts lowly, sharp eyes sliding over him for a second, quick enough that he thinks he wasn't supposed to know about it. Then the taller boy is gone, up the gym stairs and past their upperclassman before another word is said.

"You feelin' alright?" Tanaka asks, gruff but the worry is apparent enough in the crook of the older boy's brow. He nods, not quite sure how to explain his desire to be alone without hurting his teammate's feelings, no idea where to even start on the topic of how _alright_ he is. "Just lightheaded." He says, tilting his bloody nostrils into view until Tanaka makes a noise of disgust. It's odd to lie to the older boy like this, about how he's doing, but the words tumble out from between his teeth before he can help it, before he can even consider offering the truth.

Tanaka shrugs, "Last game is coming up, then there's a _surprise."_ A wicked smirk spreads the older boy's lips into something normal. "Right." Is his reply, loud enough to escape the scraping of the gym door as it closes behind them.

Kageyama is still on the bench when the whistle blows, but that's not the first thing he notices about the game, it's the blurs of scarlet hashed on the other side of the net and the twisting, knowing grin from Kuroo is the second followed by the intense look Kenma is giving him, the one that says _game over for the loser,_ just like the older boy had said all those weeks ago. He wonders if it will feel the same at the Spring Tournament, if his palms will be this sweaty and the thing eating him from the inside will take this long of a pause.

Without his partner on the court, he is still not quite whole, not quite _there,_ but Kenma, even on the other side of the court, helps by just existing. Golden eyes follow him, tracking his movements for setting but also _more._ He can't quite name it, even when they manage to snag the first set away from Nekoma. Kenma smiles at him when they change sides but it falls into flatness as soon as the net is between them again, it's amazing and terrifying at the same time, being close and far from Kenma, sharing this _something._ It's weird and he feels normal because of it, which he thinks might be even more weird, but that's not really his biggest concern, even if it should be. Kageyama was still on the bench, in the same position with the same death grip on his knees, he thinks about offering his head as a replacement, thinks about making some comment on how teammates help each other but the taller boy's words linger in his head like rocks that drop into his feet whenever he turns to walk towards the bench.

Ukai catches his eye and the man looks desperate, like he's asking for help in an impossible situation, because that's exactly what Kageyama is, anything less would seem like an insult, but he's pretty sure that Kageyama would squish his head into nothingness if he found out that out. He offers a squirming half smile that feels like a grimace and quickly shifts his eyes away from the older man because he probably has even less ability in _dealing_ with the setter than anyone else, let alone fixing him or the situation that he tried to handle because he thought that he knew Kageyama. He's pretty sure that's irony. He doesn't like it, doesn't like the additional twisting in his gut or the way the court feels almost empty without the taller boy to fall in sync with. Rising above Kageyama doesn't seem like an accomplishment when he's like this. That's why Ukai wanted him to fix it, probably. He just has no idea how.

Kageyama, even with his head down and silent as ever, draws his attention away from the match, away from Kenma and everything but the countdown and the stupid issues between him and his teammate. His, unfortunately, divided attention causes as many problems as he should have expected, with two missed tosses, one of them smacking him in the face when he tries to jump after it a second too late and the other soaring over his head when he totally wasn't staring at Kageyama. Suga-san offers him a placating look, like the older boy would forgive him for stepping off the court and taking _I hate you_ a second time. He hates that he considers it, even for a second, that making the setter say it twice would somehow _fix_ it. He takes a step forward instead, towards the net and smooths his face into _something_ while catching Suga-san's next signal. With a nod, the play is set into motion, receive into set into a spike and everything goes perfectly. There's cheers and more smiling, still riding on the happiness from winning their first set even with Kageyama's weirdness weighing them down.

When they win the next set, everything should feel good, _great_ even. When they win the next set, there's cheering but all of them are _looking_ over there, concerned but a glare that reaches all of them keeps them edging off the court. Kenma bumps into him, offering him a fist that his limbs respond slowly to, the older boy's knuckles are warm against his and it melts part of the weird iciness inside of him. There's a raised brow above above a golden eye that stares into his soul and asks. A flick of his head and they're gone, onto the bench where Kageyama isn't cheering or moving.

"Hmm." Kenma hums, quietly, before someone yells something over Kenma's words and the setter dives across onto the floor. The other teams watch, whispering about the game, or Kenma, but he's willing to bet it's about Kageyama. He wonders if they can feel the setter's glare from across the gym, somehow he doesn't doubt it.

"Uh-" From behind him brings him out of his stupor, drags him away from too many half-ideas about why Kageyama would hate him, turning on one foot he takes a look at his interruption and Yachi is squirming but smiling brightly. "Shouyou, the barbecue is starting." As much as he tells himself it's a bad idea, as _weird_ as it is to be walking away from Kageyama, he walks beside Yachi through the gym doors. The sun is lower than it was before the game, shaded somewhere between mute orange and bright yellow that feels bittersweet when he thinks about the last Hinata with orange hair but there's still enough blue to push those thoughts away.

Kenma ends up by his side before he can even to think about finding him. "Shouyou," Kenma says and he looks away from the sky and into golden irises, "Good game." There's another fist extended to him and he bumps it in return. "Good game." He echoes, smiling easily this time, Kenma smiles too, something small but very _Kenma._ "Oh!" Not Kenma says from his other side, then Yachi is leaning over him, bowing and extended her hand along with rushed greetings. "Uh-" Kenma sounds with a step backwards. Yachi squeaks, taking a step back as well.

"Sorry! That was probably weird." Kenma makes a weird face that falls flat.

"It's fine, Yachi." Yachi twitches, like the lack of honorific is bothering her more than it probably should.

"Uh-" Yachi says, gesturing wildly with her arms before dropping her head, "I'm Yachi Hitoka, Karasuno's new manager!"

Kenma blinks, looks away from Yachi and at him, "Kenma." He says without looking away. Shouyou almost laughs but manages to keep it locked up. "We should probably eat." Yachi twitches again, rises from her bow with a jerk and then takes a step towards the ocean of bodies blocking them from the grills. "Right! Sorry for keeping you." Kenma's mouth twitches and Shouyou isn't sure what to make of it. Walking with Kenma and Kenma's not-quite-replacement is also something he's not quite sure of, but it does feel nice, so he just lets them lead him without a word otherwise.

"Ah! Kenma, Shouyou and- you!" Lev says, suddenly towering over all of them, blocking the sun and the food with one step of his too long legs. "Uh." Yachi mumbles, while Kenma just sighs for almost too long to be healthy. "Shouyou-senpai! That last set you played so-" Lev trails off, twisting his giraffe neck like an owl to the mob of red surrounding one table, "What was that thing you said, Inuoka-san?" He doesn't pick up Inuoka's reply, until Lev decides to lean forward and repeat it, " _Guhwaaah!"_ Chirped loudly, accented with a dark sauce sliding down one end of his lip that reminds him how hungry he is. "Uh-" He tries, but Lev is already in his own world, offering a monologue about being the greatest ace despite this minor defeat.

"Lev," Kenma says, serious and looking like he might beat the taller boy up under a mask of polite indifference, the older boy doesn't even wait for Lev to stop talking, let alone responding to his name, "Get out of our way." The half-Russian practically throws himself in one direction with apologies and a too deep bow. "Right, right! Sorry, Kenma! See you around, Shouyou-senpai, and- you." Yachi makes a weird squawking noise that he can't figure out, but her pouting face is quickly dissolved when Kenma hands her a paper plate heavy with raw meat and is replaced with raw terror that only lasts a second longer than her terrified squeal.

"Barbecue! Uh-right." Yachi's eyes dart across the space their in, wide and almost panicked and too familiar that he needs to look away for a second. "Barbecue." She echoes, shoulders rocking forwards then back slowly, rhythmically before the motion ends all together and the manager in training is smiling again. He tries to think nothing of it and offers his best smile and nothing more.

They find spare grill space near Bokuto-san, who waves them over with smiles and a dripping chin, "Good last game, Shouyou! The way the ball went-" The Fukurodani captain swings his muscled arm with an imitated explosion, "Nice kill!" He chirps. Shouyou tries to smile, makes a solid attempt at compressing the game into _victory and nothing more,_ instead of too many glances at the bench and the smell of Kageyama's breath when he said _I hate you._ It's harder than he thinks it should be to make his smile feel real and Bokuto-san switches topics before he can quite manage it.

"Shouyou?" Bokuto-san says in the middle of a sentence, effectively interrupting himself. Tilting his head he takes a look at the older boy, "Yes?" Questioned with slight apprehension because he's pretty sure that Bokuto-san doesn't frown often. "You're not eating." That, he thinks, makes more sense than the spike of dread that rattled between his ribs at Bokuto-san's frown. Taking a look down at his plate, still full of raw meat and raw meat juices, he nods, "Yes."

"You're not on a diet are you?" Jested with a sharp smile and a sharper prod to his stomach. 

"No?" Bokuto-san smiles brightly again, "Then get that grill on the meat!"

Akaashi-san's sigh isn't quite hidden in the sizzle of the grill, Shouyou almost feels bad for him, having to stay in Tokyo with the guy who just caught his jersey on fire. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of the training camp. I went into this, thinking I could write a week about too many people in a place I don't really remember. Also, two weeks.  
> I wonder if I can finish this by Halloween.


	49. Chapter Forty-Nine

**Chapter 49**

The light and _not bad_ feeling of the barbecue is flushed from his body when he sees the Karasuno bus. He should have expected it and a little part of him did, it just didn't feel real until he saw his transport back to Miyagi. There was something inside of him that he couldn't quite explain and the weight of all that _something_ in his stomach irritated him. Hinata wished he knew more words.

Saying goodbye was taking longer than it should, but he didn't want it to end. Bokuto-san smiled down at him, blocking out the sun that had been glaring at him from its perch in the sky. Rough pats on his shoulder followed that smile, a laugh followed that, then Bokuto-san was matching his height and then he felt warm. It was an odd sensation -being this warm- different than summer heat or the kind that built up after hours in a gym. It was nice, but made him uncomfortable because Bokuto-san was holding him _in front of people,_ without an explanation. He wasn't crying. He wasn't breaking down or screaming.

"You're gonna be an ace, Shouyou, I can feel it." Bokuto-san squeezed him, possibly crushing something but the older boy's words struck true, elevated him because Bokuto-san wouldn't lie to him after holding him in a dirty bathroom for who knows how long.

Akaashi-san approached next, face plain and neutral, serious but in a _serious_ way. "Good bye, Shouyou-san." A small bow that Shouyou replicates.

"Good bye, Akaashi-san." He says in the same tone.

Akaashi-san smiles, retreating with Bokuto-san to a cloud of grey and black jerseys.

Kenma approaches next, with Lev and Kuroo behind him. Shouyou's heart tenses.

"Shouyou," Kenma mumbles, golden gaze locking onto him. He stares back into a vortex of quivering emotion that he can't quite explain; somehow, he doubts that Kenma would be able to either. The older boy grabs him instead of using more words, slides long fingers over his spine until his back goes slack and his forehead meets Kenma's shoulder.

"Shouyou." Kenma says, clearer but more quietly. "Don't be scared." Still quiet but full of confidence, the strange quiet type that Kenma has a lot of. "I'll protect you." Shouyou believes it. Has to believe it. Kenma's neck twitches under his forehead, then another piece of warm is pressed into his cheek. "I love you." Even quieter, but somehow can still shatter him and then put him back together. The older boy pulls back before he's able to echo his feelings or say anything at all.

"See you soon." There's an odd sense of _not good,_ in Kenma's tone, but Shouyou is still _happy_ to see Kenma again. The older boy backs further away and his view of Kenma is blocked by Kuroo's towering physique. Shouyou swallows. "Soon." Kuroo says once Shouyou is able to meet his eye. A crooked smile follows, then Kuroo is walking away. He thinks he might be sick, but manages to swallows it down with a deep breath as Lev clambers up to him.

"Shouyou!" The too-tall boy sings, "I'm gonna be better than you one day!" Lev twists to walk away, catching up with Kenma and Kuroo before stopping and yelling over his shoulder, "Bye bye!" Shouyou isn't sure what to think of Lev still. Though, he does have more important things to focus on, or rather his brain won't let him focus on anything else. Just the countdown, just this sense of _doom_ that follows him around and blocks out anything good.

"Oi!" Someone shouts, accompanied by the spluttering of the bus behind him. "Let's go!" Ukai's voice shouts from even closer.

He's not sure why he's nervous about getting on the bus, aside from the _Tooru is going to hate me_ eventuality. Shouyou climbs up the steep steps of the bus, but is stopped from proceeding further by a thick, twitching arm blocking the walk way. The arm belongs to Coach Ukai. "Good games, brat." Maybe what could be possibly a smile quivers Ukai's lip, and the barricade of flesh is removed, allowing him to proceed further into the bus. Shouyou thinks, perhaps, maybe, that he knew why he didn't want to be on the bus. The _team_ bus, where the team would be riding until they got back to Miyagi. He's pretty sure that his brain is smarter than he is, or something.

His pace is slow enough that Kageyama's head comes into view almost serenely, first a mound of black that curves down slowly into a wrinkled forehead. There's a glare set into Kageyama's eyes, it is not directed towards him and Shouyou can only tell it's there by the reflection in the window. Unfortunately, or Shouyou thinks it to be unfortunate, because sitting someone that _hates him_ would seem very unfortunate, the only empty seat on the bus is next to Kageyama.

That is, of course, until Tanaka calls his name as he's about to sit down next to the glaring setter. He's pretty sure the air around Kageyama is colder, though it might be his imagination. Shouyou isn't certain. Tanaka waves him over, half smiling half- Shouyou, again, is not certain. It feels like a mercy when he's squished between the wall and Nishinoya-senpai. The metal wall of the bus is somehow warmer than it felt to be so close to Kageyama. Perhaps, though, equally as uncomfortable as his ribs grind against Nishinoya-senpai's as the bus bounces into motion. The older boy is warm though, quiet. In fact, the whole bus is quiet. Which is strange, he thinks, even considering that Tanaka is almost right next to him.

Shouyou lifts himself up, stretching his back and spine to look over the top of the seat, only to find the lolling heads and not much else. The bus hadn't been moving for an entire kilometer and everyone was already sleeping. Or dead, his brain adds grimly. Though that's partially proved to be untrue, at least for Nishinoya-senpai, who is leaning further and further into his personal space with each passing second. The older boy is unnaturally warm. He finds it nice. Comforting with all the turmoil in his life. Weird and strange also, for two boys to be cuddling in the back of the bus. With one of them asleep. He embraces the strange more than he should, letting Nishinoya-senpai melt against him and breathe a little too loudly into his neck. Shouyou focuses on the warmth instead how _moist_ Nishinoya-senpai's breath is.

It lulls him to an easy rest. His eyes are closed but his mind is alive enough to register the bouncing of the bus, the mumbles of sleep talk. Eventually, that too fades from the things he is able to detect. Shouyou is left with nothing but simple darkness as he rests.

The rest ceases abruptly with a particularly hard dip in the road, as if the pavement itself were warning him about the dangers of being in Miyagi. His skin is warm but everything inside is cold as he jerks away. Something - Nishinoya-senpai, he remembers after a hard gasp - grumbles into his neck, sounding like a wild animal. Upon further inspection, his brain forcing him to visually confirm that it was in fact _not_ a wild animal that had replaced the cuddling libero, he was able to recognize the limping form of Nishinoya-senpai's hair and not much else.

He shudders at the thought of a feral wolf with hair gel taking place on top of him.

Coach Ukai stands as the bus stutters to a stop. Shouyou finds it safe to assume they've finally returned to Karasuno. There's a brief moment where Coach Ukai just stands there, watching the different faces of their team until they finally land on him; Coach Ukai's brows scrunch closer together and then cave in the middle, a confused look spreads spreads across his face. Shouyou, who is equally confused about the circumstances in which Nishinoya-senpai decided to use him as a pillow, just shrugs, hoping that's enough of an answer. Coach Ukai is no longer looking in his direction but towards Daichi and Suga-san's heads bob up but are quickly lowered at something Coach Ukai said.

"You boys-" He says, loud enough for everyone to hear, possibly even people outside of the bus as well, "Lost almost every game this week." The bus is quiet and still, Coach Ukai doesn't seem to notice, deciding to let his words sink in.

Shouyou feels like trash. A lot of the team's mistakes had been caused by him. His need for attention from his captain and co-captain, he was the one who had gotten Kageyama benched because Shouyou couldn't find an answer. The team was falling apart. And it was all his fault.

"Be that as it may," Coach Ukai begins, "There are more important things than winning or losing. Being part of a team. A team accomplishes what an individual cannot. Think of a wall." Shouyou can only imagine the _iron_ wall, which is probably not what Coach Ukai is referring to. "One person may be able to climb the wall, no matter how steep. That's great for that guy. That guy might think he is weighed down by his team because they can't climb the wall too. That's bull- crap. Someone who can climb the wall should help others climb that wall with them. Offer them a hand. Take the hand offered. That's the uh, the best way to be a great team." Coach Ukai looks away, coughing into his fist.

"That's all. You can uh, leave."

Shouyou takes a minute, contemplating the coach's words, then gathers his duffle bug and stands along with Tanaka and Nishinoya-senpai.

"Offer them a hand." He mumbles to himself, as he steps off the bus, into moonlight and warms winds. The rest of the team is standing around the bus, close together but not speaking. Daichi glances at him, somewhat smiles then pats him on the shoulder. He's not really sure what to make of the entire team's silence. They all seem to be deep in thought, most likely pondering their countless losses and the words of their coach.

There's another long moment of the team just standing around, staring at the moon and stars, pondering. Shouyou joins them, scared to jump too deeply into his thoughts but feeling disrespectful for not taking his coach's advice to a greater length as the others seem to be doing.

They eventually part ways.

Shouyou walks alone for once.

Wind brushes against his face as he forces his lethargic limbs towards the edge of town, towards the bus stop. His heart beats fast and his gaze whips back and forth as he ventures through the dimly lit streets of Miyagi. It's unsettling, how quickly and how dense the sense of paranoia can swim into his brain. His spine shivers with every sound that doesn't come from him and he tries to move even faster without breaking into a full sprint. Nearby murderers are more likely to notice him if he runs, or he's pretty sure they will anyway. Although, they wouldn't be able to catch him if he was already running. Unless he ran into them.

"Shouyou!" From behind him.

Shouyou screams. Almost runs away but is rooted with something akin to fear. His hesitation betrays him as something cold and solid lands on his shoulder.

He screams again. The chill on his shoulder keeps him from launching himself away.

Is it Grand King? Had he been waiting here this whole time, following him until he was sure he was alone?

Was it aliens looking to abduct and harvest his organs and sell them to other aliens?

Had Kuroo gotten onto their bus and decided to-

_Mine, mine, mine._

"You're going to wake someone." Shouyou swallows, embarrassed for being rude and horrified at whoever is stopping him. It cripples him but makes his heart race. "Shouyou?" The voice asks, strangely soft and not like Toru or Kuroo. His body twists, something out of his command. Dark hair. Glasses. Not Kuroo and not Toru. Shouyou sighs heavily, relief and anxiety spilling out.

"Shouyou?" Kiyoko-san asks, still soft. Still _not_ Grand King.

"Sorry." He mumbles, shrinking in on himself as his heart slows and body cools.

"Wa- I uh, I didn't mean to scare you." Kiyoko-san says, sounding embarrassed. She shrinks too, he notices, though he's not sure why.

Shouyou is pretty sure that's his fault too. His face burns and his stomach sinks. "Sorry." He says again, quietly.

"We should go. To the bus stop, I mean." Shouyou nods, letting Kiyoko lead.

The walk to the bus stop is somewhat less terrifying with company. Though, he's not entirely sure what he would do if a murderer showed up. He couldn't protect Kiyoko-san if he froze up with fear, and he'd die of guilt if he just left her. He thinks of that man again. Remembers biting into his flesh and making Kiyoko-san run away with him. Shouyou isn't sure he could ever do something like that again, protect someone that is. He wants to try, but if someone calling his name from the dark in somewhere as safe as Miyagi made him freeze up, how could he ever-

"The bus should be here soon." Kiyoko-san says, pulling him from his thoughts. Shouyou blinks, observes their new location: already at the bus stop. He sits down when Kiyoko-san does. Close, but not too close. Though he's not sure how close is too close when it comes to girls. Natsu always-

He scoots away, that sinking in his stomach spreads to his heart. He misses his sister. His mother.

Shouyou tilts his head away before wiping at his face with his sleeve. Begging to nobody that Kiyoko-san doesn't see anything.

The arrival of the bus startles him more than it probably should. Kiyoko-san stands, boards the bus and he follows her, keeping his head down. They sit next to each other, like usual. Kiyoko-san pulls out a book; he can hear the pages turning, slowly but the only thing that resembles time passing. Shouyou stares at the floor.

"Are you happy, Hinata-kun?" Kiyoko-san asks suddenly, turning a page.

He takes a moment to gather his thoughts, "Na-What- what do you mean, Kiyoko-san?" He asks, confused and unsure. Kiyoko-san usually doesn't ask questions like that, or maybe she does and he's only now seeing this part of her. Or maybe she's been replaced by a look alike that is trying to get inside of his head.

"It's just a question, Shouyou." She explains, sounding quiet and passive. Shouyou isn't sure what to make of that answer. A question, he thinks can mean a lot of things. His mother used to ask a lot of questions, now he doesn't have a home. Doesn't have a sister. He swallows down a lot of emotion, and saliva, the sound is quite noticeable, even to him, on the dim, quiet bus. The engine rumbles loudly as if to prove his every thought wrong. There is, of course, an answer to Kiyoko-san's question, obviously, he adds to himself. Shouyou just isn't _sure_ what the answer is. Yes, would be his best bet, Kiyoko-san would drop suspicion and probably wouldn't ask questions. No, would be closer to the truth, but Kiyoko-san could follow up that question with the obvious _why?_ Which leaves him with the third option, being _I don't know._ That would, probably, draw the most suspicion, he thinks, maybe. He still doesn't have a grip on Kiyoko-san, she's very, very different than most of the girls he talks to. Would she question him? Ban him from the bus? He's just not sure. It's becoming quite common, he realizes, being unsure that is.

"Are you happy?" He asks, ignoring all of the three options he actually considered in favor of this one, though he's not sure why that is. Kiyoko-san turns the page, he watches her stare at the page. Her face twitches, squirms more like it. "I'm- I don't remember what being happy is like, Shouyou." He swallows. He feels the same way and hopes that nodding is the best way to express that. The bus stops, rumbles loudly over whatever Kiyoko-san is saying.

He follows her off the bus, taking in the same air that feels different without Daichi and the others. Shouyou isn't quite sure how breathing can feel different when certain people aren't there, he's pretty sure that's one of the mysteries in life that he'll solve when he's older. Or maybe Kenma could answer it. The thought of the older boy makes him feel a little smaller, almost alone in the dark, walking to a place that will only have a relic of Kenma to hold him through the night. Shouyou cringes at his own mushiness.

Kiyoko-san lingers outside the door to apartment and Shouyou stops himself from walking into her, but only by half a step. She stares down at him, the gaze is intense and odd, he finds himself unable to meet it and he stares at her shoulder, into the darkness of her jacket.

"Shouyou..." She says, after too long. Kiyoko-san swallows loudly and Shouyou finds himself doing the same. "Uh, good night." It comes out like a whisper, it makes him shiver.

He watches her pull a key from her pocket and shove it into the door. "See you tomorrow." He chirps quietly. Kiyoko-san hums quietly, not dissimilar to the kind Kenma makes. Shouyou stands outside of her door until it closes and the locks click back into place, which he supposes might be a bit creepy. He ponders how creepy Kiyoko-san might find it on the way back to Sato's apartment, which he finds unlocked. _That_ he, is pretty sure, should be considered creepy, but finds it to be oddly normal; a sign of how much Sato trusts him, maybe. Or perhaps, how much she cares for Natsu that she doesn't care about her own home, which Shouyou finds to be relieving, if nothing else.

Walking into the apartment filled him with warmth, the stillness of the small room a stark contrast to the open darkness of the walk with Kiyoko-san, but equally as quiet. Everything in the small living room was off, the only source of light coming from the small hallway leading to the bathroom, kitchen, and Sato's bedroom. He's pretty sure that Sato should be home today, and it was already past Natsu's bedtime. Unless that changed, things do change after all. Like him no longer being there. Like Yuukio no longer being there. His mother no longer loving either of them. He supposed that Sato could be asleep already, though she wasn't snoring. Which is something that he comes to associate with her, something fond in his aunt that he barely knows.

Instead of focusing on the bad, he does the opposite, pulling his phone out of his gym bag and sending Kenma a text. Or, he was going to, until he noticed a few notifications from Grand King. Shouyou's heart and lungs seize up in unison, constricting his breathing. He watches as his thumb navigates to the notifications, to the messages from Tooru. The way in which he processes the texts is bizarre, even to him, reading them on autopilot and feeling nothing, not even fear, his normal reaction to anything related to Grand King.

**Shou-chan~**

**How did the training go? I heard there was barbecue.**

**I miss my Shou-chan, do you miss me too?**

Those three messages, creepy as they were, were nothing in comparison to what came after that. A picture message. He was able to count his heartbeats while the image loaded, it was too quiet in Sato's apartment for his tastes and he was getting kind of- it was a picture of him. Under the yellow glow of street lights, him and Kiyoko-san walking towards the bus stop. He drops onto the couch, into the soft embrace of Kenma's jacket and drops the phone onto the floor without a second thought. His heart races as darkness of the living room. Grand King had followed him to Miyagi, had been waiting for him and knew about the training camp. He couldn't help but wonder what else Tooru knew, if hew knew what Kuroo had done, what Kenma had been planning. His throat clenched and a disgusting sob came out before he could help it. Shouyou curled up into fabric of Kenma's jacket and cried. The weight of tears sliding down his cheeks was almost unfamiliar, like it had been so long since he had cried, though he was certain that it couldn't have been more than a week with the way his life was going.

His head hurt. Shouyou had been half-dreaming, remembering things, fear spiking through his memories and into his heart. Tooru. Kuroo. Both of them together. His imagination twisting scenarios of them together. He'd been paralyzed until the sound of thunder shot through the darkness, pulling him into consciousness. Thunder, again, louder than before. He was frozen in place by the sound, terrible and booming, pulsing from his heart pushing into his ears. He covered them with his hands, trying to push the storm out of his awareness. His head was spinning. Shouyou opened his eyes just in time to see a shadow casting a silhouette over the window behind Sato's couch. He thinks of Grand King, the picture the older boy had sent him, asking if he was missed. _Mine. Mine. Mine._ He swallows down any noise he wants to make, stiffens on the couch and refuses to move. There was another booming. He had assumed the boom to be thunder, but it sounded more like _knocking._

Grand King wanted into Sato's apartment. Grand King knew where he was, where Sato lived. That, he supposed, could be why the door was unlocked. What if he captured her, stole her key. or... The thunderous knocking happened again. He hopes that it didn't wake Sato, if she was even here.

He tries to box up his fear, push it aside. The knocking wasn't going to go away, and Grand King wasn't going to leave, either. Wrapping Kenma's jacket over his shoulders, he sits up, putting his feet onto the floor and bracing himself. Moving to the door silently was easy with the knocking as loud as it was. It only takes him a few steps to make it to the door, but each attempt to move his feet feels like trying to tug cement with his knees. Shouyou freezes again, in front of the door, with his fingers around the handle. It was shaking his hand, turning it numb. He waits, takes in a deep breathe. Then turns the knob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next time.


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50**

The metal is cold in his hand, the cylinders crank noisily in the locking mechanism and Shouyou is all but ready to accept his fate as gusts of autumn air gust past his exposed ankles. He's thankful that he left his shoes on, thankful he'll see Grand King with warm feet.  _Mine. Mine. Mine._ The door squeaks in the half second it takes to blow open, carrying his weak, heavy, and shaking arm with it. He sees the shadow of Tooru-san in front of him. He blinks. It shoots forward, holding onto him like Grand King would, chin resting on his shoulder, ready to nip at his neck and say things that confused him more than they should.

Sobbing. He was crying, he didn't feel like crying. In fact, his eyes are open and were starting to dry. "Thank god." Toru said, "Wa-I... Shouyou." Toru pulled back, leaned even further away, stared at him. He blinks again, the terror clotting his insides, making them heavy while his ears ring painfully. "Shouyou?" Toru asks, more cautious this time. Shouyou lets out a cry of his own, sick sobbing then a laugh, a cackle from nowhere as snot starts to squirm down from his nose.

"You're not-" The door shuts, doesn't squeak this time but the bolt clicks noisily, making him flinch. He sobers up instantly. "Sorry for frightening you." The darkness says from just in front of him, where there used to be a obscure shape of moonlight is now infinite grey. "It's fine." He says, even though it's not, even though his heart weighs more than he does and is beating faster than seems healthy, though he's not a doctor.

There's quiet, both of them resorting back to sobbing in the middle of a dark room where neither of them belong, then there's sound of rain running across the roof but only in front of him and then everything is too bright.

Kiyoko-san's figure is slumped against the door, her back to him. Shouyou can only tell it's her from her hair, though he supposes anyone could have long black hair. Her outstretched arm is the only thing keeping her from being completely curled onto herself.  _The lightswitch,_ he realizes a moment later, though he realizes it's most likely useless information.

"Kiyoko-san?" He asks, fearful, scared of a trick of more pictures, of her being followed by Grand King, of his friend getting the same message and being terrified enough to be where she shouldn't be.  _Sako would be furious,_ he thinks uselessly, Kiyoko-san is already here in Sako's apartment. Wearing nothing but a long white t-shirt.

She turns around suddenly, her face is clearer than he thinks it should be, not covered in snot like his feels, her eyes are barely red. "I'm really sorry." She says, clutching her stomach like she might puke. Her wrists are purple and her hands are crimson. Her stomach, too. Shouyou swallows down too many questions.

"You're bleeding." He says, uselessly, he thinks. Kiyoko-san would know if she was bleeding, or should, maybe. The red is beautiful but not in a beautiful way, his heart starts racing again and he wondered when it had ever slowed down.

"Where's the bathroom?" She asks, calm though avoiding his stare.

Shouyou moves out of the way, taking a step back and lifting his numb arm in answer. Kiyoko-san mumbles something as she passes him. He watches as she moves past him, both of them careful not to get too close to one another, similar to the way animals are. He finds that analogy too fitting at the moment, but has not time to dwell on it as his feet decide to chase after Kiyoko-san before his brain can catch up. The door slams in front of him, he stops in the dim hallway, standing outside the door with a bleeding girl - a bleeding Kiyoko-san - behind it. He should do something. Tanaka-san would kill him if he didn't do everything he could to help her, not to mention Noya-Senpai. Water gushes up muffled static and he hopes that Kiyoko-san doesn't drown in Sako's bathroom, he'd hate to have to explain that.

His feet move him into the kitchen, his arms pull on handles and he takes control of his eyes to scan through the cabinets and cupboards only to look at nearly bare space. There's no first aid kit in the kitchen, and he's not sure what to do after searching through the entire space twice, then another time just to make sure. He stands in the quiet space, the light fixture buzzing noisily as he settles on the cold ground and curls his arms around his legs. The cold is seeping in now, his relief and fear mixing. Grand King - Toru - hadn't been at the door, but that meant he'd have to be awake for longer, waiting for the older boy to show himself, waiting for something to happen. Something always happens.

The sound of running water goes on for a long time, though it could be a normal amount of time considering that Kiyoko-san was bleeding and bruised, he wasn't entirely sure. The noise drifts in and out of his awareness but he does notice when it stops, he also notices when the door, not the front one that's locked, keeping the world out and away, but the bathroom door that Kiyoko-san had shielded herself with. Footsteps grow louder, closer until her exposed legs, pale like her face, peak into view, then the rest of her, modestly covered in a towel and dripping onto the plain floors of Sako's kitchen.

"Why are you here?" He asks, scared and suddenly the weight of the situation pushes down onto him. Shouyou watches as the girl flinches back, head jerking as if his question had assaulted her, mimicking the wound on her chest or stomach. He supposes his version of the question was quite rude, but he was tired, scared - terrified - and he opened the door expecting something  _else,_ something more terrifying and this situation made him feel numb but nothing else.

"Why are you bleeding, I mean - er, are you okay? You're not still bleeding?" Some of the shock leaks from Kiyoko-san's face, settling back into her usual cool and neutral expression despite being considerably paler, and more damp.

"No." She answers, rubbing at the towel over her stomach. He wonders if it hurt a lot or if she was feeling just as numb as he was. Shouyou takes her word for it, is content with them both lingering in a kitchen that doesn't belong to them.

"Thank you." Kiyoko-san says suddenly, voice tense like it took more energy than usual to get words out.

"For answering, I mean." She adds, focused on wringing her hair and very much not looking down at him. He nods, knowing -assuming- she was watching him, equally as wary as he was, but for different reasons, maybe.

"What happened?" He asks, tense all over and furious at the thought of someone hurting his friend, scared to find out who, and worried about the truth she wasn't telling him right away. Kiyoko-san takes a step back, pale shoulders colliding with the wall immediately behind her. Shouyou is torn between helping her and scooting further away but does nothing, just watches his friend breathe deeply and saying nothing.

"Can we not talk about it and...?" She asks eventually, staring at him intently now, intimidating and feral all at once. Shouyou finds himself nodding without meaning to, he wanted to know, wanted to help. "...Can I sleep here?" She tacks on, eventually.

The question seems out of place, and he assumes it is because he's never had a sudden house guest before. By here, he hopes that she means in the hallway, and not in a bed.

"Yes." He answers plainly, certainly ignoring the warning from Sako, his aunt's words creeping painfully across his foggy mind.

Sako should be here, snoring loudly enough for him to hear from the living room but, she wasn't. She could be with Natsu, playing games and spending time with a niece that doesn't know she has an aunt. He certainly hoped that was the case, though he had no way of actually finding out besides calling her, nonchalantly asking if she was dead or if she minded someone sleeping over, despite instructions not to go near said person. Shouyou believed that some part of his aunt would say yes, that caring for those in need was in her genes like it was in his, the same pull in her gut that guided his. He tried to forget Sako's old ways, crushing pills into his meals and treating him coldly.

He shook his head, tonight wasn't about Sako, he had to focus on what was happening in front of him. Kiyoko-san shifts her weight from one foot to the other, he mimics her, desperate for answers but avoiding to look directly into her eyes. His gaze settles on her hands, stares at the twitching of her pale fingers and at the purple bands pressed into her skin, like someone spilled ink on her. They looked almost decorative, but Shouyou knew how much they must have hurt.

"Clothes!" He shouts, making them both jump. The chill in his face dissipates, replaced with the heat of embarrassment. "Sorry," he shrieks, no less quiet, unsettled with Kiyoko-san's wide-eyed look, "You're um... dripping, I mean." He laments lamely, just thankful for something to do. He darts out of the room, into Sako's living room where he keeps his belongings. Her shadow looms over him as he pulls out a pair of shorts, not his practice ones, and a t-shirt, just as white as the one that Kiyoko-san showed up at the door at. He's pretty sure it had belonged to Daichi, far too much material to belong to him, or even Kenma. He contemplates handing her a pair of his boxers, but is too embarrassed to pull a pair out from the bag, a voice, like Noya-senpai and Tanaka combined screaming about soiling Kiyoko's purity through male underwear or something like that. His hands linger inside of his dufflebag for a moment longer, making sure to bury his underwear, as well as the bright orange bottles that had been sitting on top of the mass of laundry.

Taking the two articles into his hands, holding them like a small animal, Shouyou finds himself back to his full height, twisting his body to hand the clothing to a still dripping Kiyoko-san, she's much bigger up close, the color in her eyes that much brighter, the barrier of her glasses and uniform gone. She looks both and less human like this. Kenma is the same way, he thinks, both on and off the court. With and without his family around.  _A coin has many sides,_ he thinks, trying to find the correct phrasing of that metaphor, but coming up with nothing. "Thank you," Kiyoko-san says, bowing shallowly, Shouyou feels warm suddenly, filled with pride for having Kiyoko-san's gratitude, but also dread and shame at the circumstances surrounding it. The photo of them together, walking home, not alone. He swallows back an outburst, one that wouldn't help either of them.  _Focus on Kiyoko-san,_ he thinks, reminded of Natsu for reasons he can't fathom. Natsu never towered over him with dripping black hair, never made his hands shake like this -except when he learned he couldn't see her again. The urge to see her, to have her meet Kiyoko-san and Kenma, was all too much, suddenly. His hands started shaking.

Kiyoko-san takes the clothes away from him, no longer looking at him. Shouyou wonders what she might think of him, shaking, scared for a reason she couldn't understand. He envies her in this moment, not knowing about Toru, who's so close to them. When she disappears into the bathroom, Shouyou can almost hear Toru's voice, calling to him, saying things that he loves, saying the same things that scare him. Making him scared of the dark, making him confused about love. Confused about... everything. Should he love Toru when he loves Kenma?  _No._ Toru's voice tells him, not when he belongs to Toru, belongs under the Grand King. Kuroo's words echo as well, pushing into his brain, making him gag as he relives their first encounter too suddenly. He scratches at his arms, not enough to pull skin, just trying to pull himself away from everything. He needed to be ready for Toru, to protect Kiyoko-chan, to let himself love Toru like Toru loves him. He owes Grand King that much, he's sure of that, he thinks.

The door to the bathroom opening up, creaking and shedding light over his frozen form stopped his brain in its tracks, leaving him unable to come to any conclusions about his feeling towards Grand King. He just had to believe in Kenma, in the boy's plan. Kenma would save him from Toru and from himself, Shouyou was sure of that, if nothing else. Kiyoko-san was standing in front of him once more, still dripping but now dressed in his clothes.

"Thank you... again, Shouyou." She didn't bow this time, allowing her to stare into his soul. It wasn't unsettling as he thought it should be.

"W-where should I sleep?" Kiyoko-san asked after a long moment of silence, in which Shouyou kept thinking of Toru and Kenma... and Kuroo.

"Uh..." He could put her in his aunt's room, though if she came home - he'd have no idea how to handle that. "In-" He could put her on the couch and he could take the floor, though that was too close to the door, Toru's gateway to him - to them. Not to mention what Noya-senpai and Tanaka would think if they found out he made their goddess sleep on a couch."In the bedroom." He finishes, sliding past her in the small hallway to put his hand on the doorknob to Sako's bedroom. Taking a breath to prepare him for the worst, thinking back to those endless pictures of his father, staring at him with eyes filled with  _hate._ Squeezing his eyes shut, he pushes the door open and takes a step inside. Opening his eyes reveals a too dim room that smells like Coach Ukai - cigarettes and microwave food. Kiyoko-san flicks on the lights, showering the room in bright light. Yuukio is nowhere to be found. Shouyou releases a deep breath, unaware of when he had stopped breathing.

He takes another step into the small bedroom,  _still no Yuukio._ Swallowing down an acidic lump in his throat, Shouyou turns to Kiyoko-san, "There's the bed." He states, for no reason other than the silence was beginning to ring in his ears. Kiyoko-san moves past him, sits on the edge of Sako's bed, clothed in his clothes, an extremely odd sight. One that he had never expected to see, though he's kind of glad. Happy for the disturbance, that he doesn't have to be alone and scared, thankful that the presence of another is enough to drive away his fears, if only sporadically. He takes a step backwards, ready to let Kiyoko-san sleep, to not ask any questions, just like she had done for him.

"Shouyou..." Kiyoko-san whispers. He looks away from the rug on Sako's floor. "Will you sit with me?" It doesn't feel like a question, more of a demand, the same way that Sako would speak to him when things were still normal. Hesitation wraps his feet in cement, he's not supposed to be in here.  _She's_  not supposed to be  _here._ Shouyou swallows again, but steps forward, until he's on the bed with Kiyoko-san, sitting as far apart as he can. Kiyoko-san goes prone as soon as he's seated.

"Will you talk with me for a minute?" Her request, though Shouyou would, once again, deem it as more of a command, if he knew anything about growing up with three women.

"A-about what?" His inquiry creates a veil of unexpected silence. It makes him shudder, too anxious all at once in the few seconds that Kiyoko-san just sits there, eyes like glass, staring at the ceiling.

Kiyoko-san remains quiet for another minute -hour... eternity, before answering, "I dunno." Her voice, quiet like usual, but more expressive than Shouyou's ever heard. "You probably think it's silly but... I don't want to be alone right now."

He didn't think it was stupid, not at all; he couldn't be what Kenma was to him at times like these - now that he thinks about it, his showing up Kenma's and Kiyoko-san showing up at Sako's are almost identical situations - but he could be a friend. Kiyoko-san may not step onto the court a player, but that didn't make her any less of a teammate. He could do this. For Karasuno, and for Kiyoko-san. "It's not... stupid, Kiyoko-san. I don't want to be alone either." He expresses, truthfully, as his nature.

_What to talk about? What to say?_

Shouyou can't think of anything.

"Tell me a story." Kiyoko-san says, an explosion in the quiet. Shouyou jumps, his head jerks in her direction, wondering if she noticed.

She didn't.

"A-a story? Like a bedtime story?"

Kiyoko-san shrugs in response. Shouyou almost laughs, the more time he spent with the team manager, the more he found her reminding him of Natsu. Though, if he were being completely honest, everything was starting to remind him of Natsu lately.

"About your scars. About why you bit that guy. Why you disappeared... We see each other everyday, but I don't feel like I know anything about you, Shouyou." Each word that spills from her mouth is like dumping a load of cement into his gut. Shouyou swallows, terrified instantly, of speaking, of letting someone know the truth. "You don't have to, but... I want to know more about my teammate."

_Teammate. Soaring. Together._

Almost like a family.

Shouyou leans back, mimicking Kiyoko-san's position, "I guess... it all started when I met Kenma, I-"

Kiyoko-san interrupts before he can continue. "The Nekoma setter?"

Shouyou smiles, volleyball almost the last thing he'd use to describe Kenma anymore, but he nods anyway, it'd become clearer as he told his story.

Kiyoko-san listens raptly, her eyes on him, his on the ceiling, mouth numb as he admits to everything that's happened. Meeting Kenma. Seeing Grand King. The words that made him question everything. Meeting with Grand King, which turned into  _dating_ Grand King - now Toru. Falling in love with Kenma, so quickly, head of heels in an instant. The truth about his mother and Sako. Missing Natsu. Seeing Kuuro. Meeting Kuuro. Crying. Being terrified of being alive, of being alone and in the dark. So scared without someone looking out for him.

Kiyoko-san sniffles, Shouyou tries to look at her but his vision is long past blurry.

He turns on his side, ashamed suddenly, stopping his  _story_ while he readjusts. Kiyoko-san follows, spooning him. It feels odd, different than Kenma. She doesn't fit perfectly against his back like Kenma does, not even like Toru does. Her...  _chest_ is pressing against his spine. His face heats up further, but Kiyoko-san just rubs his side, trying to soothe him.

He continues his story, spilling everything that he's kept locked away since that flash of red.

Shouyou wakes up unable to open his eyes, his eyelids feel sealed together and they burn more with each attempt. He gives up, eventually, after several minutes and settles for rubbing them, using his fingers to dig crust off of his face. Surprisingly, though it shouldn't be, the crust trails down his cheeks and into the curve of his neck.  _Tear tracks._ The events of the night before replay in clipped audio, his own voice grating against the pulsing, aching nerves of his brain.  _She knows._ His cheeks heat up at the same time his eyes start burning, cement trickles down his throat as easily as spit and settles into a pool of dread.  _She knows._ His mind screeches the words, he doesn't need the reminder. He slipped up.  _Not good._ He jumps off the bed, Sato's bed, he doesn't have one anymore, because he slipped up once before. His brain berates him without end as he walks out of his aunt's room, countless insults he didn't even know he knew thrown at him by his own subconscious. He refuses to release any more tears though, and maybe that's why he has trouble focusing his eyes, reading the time and notifications on his cell phone. Kenma texted him, as he usually does. His dread lightens a little, happy, for now at least, that Kenma wasn't disappointed with him for telling someone, though he's not sure why the older boy would be; he needs to get his brain under control.

**Morning, Shouyou.**

**Good Morning!** He's pretty sure his first text in the morning should not contain any, especially not two, exclamation points, but oh well, he missed Kenma, missed the calm affect the boy put over him like a blanket.

 **I took my pills.** Another message, quickly typed before Kenma could ask. Although the message was a little bit of a lie, as he was technically twisting the cap off the bottle after he'd sent the message, not that Kenma needed to know that.

 **Good. Have fun at school.** Shouyou snorted, but a smile twisted his lips in a way he had no control over.

 **My mom says you can come over whenever.** His chest tightened at that, emotions twisting his guts into a mess all over again. Kuroo would... Kuroo wants him away from Kenma, but wants to help him with Tooru.  _Too confusing._

 **Thank you and her.** The message types it self out before his eyes, he watches his shaking, twitching hands close his phone, setting it back down on the floor. There was too much going on, Kenma, Tooru, Kuroo, Kiyoko-san; not to mention his less than stellar studies.  _When this is over..._ He's not sure what would happen after Kenma's plan happens. Kuroo would keep him away from Kenma, keep him from any feeling of safety he'd had since his father- since Yuukio died.

Slapping his cheeks, he'd pushed himself away from the statuesque pose he'd taken over his cell phone and started rifling through his duffle bag. Matching pills wobbled between his lip, clenched between his front teeth, as he tugged out his wrinkled school uniform. Staring at it made him miss home, missed the stability of his schedule, of his living place, of everything that revolved around him. Now it's as if his hometown never existed, that he was all but exiled from what he'd called home at one point, from the people he considered family. At least now, he had a new family, of sorts, Daichi and Suga, Kenma, of course, Sato, and maybe Kiyoko-san, he wasn't sure. She knew about him, about everything that's happened to him, and didn't consider him disgusting or dirty, unworthy of being touched by someone of her standing.

It was that swelling of melancholic joy that carried him to the bathroom and helped him put on his school uniform, and swallow his pills with the aid of the bathroom sink, though he still cringed at their chalky taste. That joy, however dim it might be, didn't last long for him, however; stepping out of the bathroom, he stopped in the doorway of his aunt's room, eyes locked onto the form of his sleeping club manager, though she was undoubtedly more than that by now, a friend at the very least, like Yachi, but at the same time not, Yachi didn't know about Tooru, didn't know how he had scratched the skin off his arms because he was scared of Tooru, or much he loved Kenma and his attention. He doubted the blonde girl even noticed that he'd changed residences, though it was a secret he'd tried his best to keep, more so than his relationship with Tooru, for it was far more embarrassing to have been banished from his home than that he's has the attention of the Grand King on him at all times.

Shouyou stepped forward, into the threshold of the forbidden room, a place where the haunting eyes of his father, as well as other family members, were hidden, but thankfully out of sight. He placed his hand on Kiyoko's shoulder and began with rocking, and eventually shaking vigorously.  _Natsu doesn't even sleep this deeply._ Although he's pretty sure that Natsu had never shown up at a classmate's door with nothing but a shirt on. Instead of pausing in mortification, the middle blocker started shaking even harder, trying to get rid of those thoughts out of his head. A quick prayer, something he'd learned at church all those weeks ago, that Natsu would never, ever end up in a situation like that.

"Kiyoko... san." He said, voice quaking for disuse, and breath still vile from not brushing; he hoped the odor helped wake her up a little faster, if they missed the bus they'd be at least thirty minutes late, if not more.

The girl woke up with a gasp as Shouyou started considering how he'd have to find a bike and carry them both to the school. Kiyoko-san's gaze settled on his face, piercing eyes filled with waning panic. It didn't take much intuition from him to realize that he could have been more gentle in waking her from slumber, or that she might have been having a nightmare. Unsure, Shouyou removed his hand from the girl's shoulder, having completed his self-appointed task.

"Th-the bus is going to c-come by soon, for school, I mean, uh..." Even he could hear how lame he sounded, which, Shouyou supposed, should be saying something about his sprouting stuttering.  _At least something is growing about me._ He thought darkly.

"Right." She muttered, voice as groggy as his, but infinitely more beautiful than he could ever be.

One thing, something he unfortunately hadn't considered until it was too late, was that Kiyoko-san didn't have a school uniform, and they'd have to leave even earlier if she had one at school she could change into. Another was that the older Karasuno student did not have a toothbrush at this residence, because she did not, in fact, live here.  _Kenma wouldn't have had a problem figuring this stuff out._ Though he doubted even Kageyama would be as dense as he was this morning.  _Only this morning, though._ He confirmed, taking a step back from the bed as if lamenting the fact.

"Y-you need a uniform, don't you?" He asked, coming out of his mental self-evaluation to stare at his club manager as she rubbed at her eyes with balled up fists.

She paused in her actions after he finished speaking, steely eyes on him once again, more guarded than they had been when he'd first woken her up. Her hands remained in fists, but rested against her lap now instead of scratching at her eyes. She looked down before responding, "I can get one from my apartment." He nodded, moving closer to the door. The bus was going to leave, regardless of their state of dress, as rude as that thought seemed. He still needed to brush his teeth and wash his face.

Shouyou rushed through those two tasks, wiping his face down with the only towel on the rack, ignoring that it was still damp, and headed towards the door. Kiyoko-san was waiting for him, it seemed. Still in his shirt and shorts, sitting on the end of the couch near the door, something red in her hands. A wicked anger boiled his blood in seconds before he could put a stopper on it, he refused to move, to interact with her until he calmed down.  _Kenma's jacket._ He wasn't worried the scent of the older boy would be whisked away, replaced with roses and Kiyoko, and he's not embarrassed at her discovering his most prized possession, he's just... He's not sure what he is, actually, which isn't something new. He steps forward with intent, however, intent to keep his gift secure.

"Sorry." Kiyoko-san whispers, obviously noticing something on his face that he'd failed to hide before walking over. His face flushed, now embarrassed at his own behavior. "This belongs to Kozume?" She asked, though he's pretty sure it's more of a statement than an actual question, but he finds himself humming in affirmation regardless. They're stuck in a standstill for an eternity, Kiyoko-san stroking the white stamp of Kenma's school while Shouyou stares into the infinite redness. Calm washes over him, pushing his anxiety to the edges of his consciousness, though his sense of time is dulled, he's still cognizant enough that they need to leave soon, but the remnant of Kenma keeps drawing him in like an embrace from across hundreds of kilometers.

Finally, she set down the object, folding the article into a neat square and placing it where it had been resting previously. "We should go." She says, though not rushed as either of them really should be. Shouyou nods, sitting down on the floor to tug on his shoes. Turning around to grab his cell phone and tucking it into his pocket, he deems himself ready to leave, physically, anyway, emotionally, he'd rather curl up on the couch, Kenma's jacket draped over him and nothing to bother him.  _Maybe one day,_ he thinks, cheeky smirk crossing his face as he imagines a future with an embrace from the actual Kenma.

The metal is cold in his hand, the cylinders crank noisily in the locking mechanism, and Shouyou hopes he can find the strength to get through the day at school, resisting the urge to catch a train to Tokyo to take Kenma and his mother's offer. Kiyoko-san follows him, a steady presence at his side as he shuts and locks the door to his aunt's apartment. They take a few steps forward together, but it Shouyou that has to initiate the stop in front of Kiyoko's residence, as the older teen seems to be lost in thought. She stops along side him, then looks towards the door; Shouyou is observant enough to notice the flinch that nearly knocks her head off her shoulders. She takes a deep breath, then places a hand on the handle.

"Will... you come with me?" The question is something Shouyou had never expected and had to rewind several times before he could comprehend, let alone respond, to the request, though he finds himself nodding, ever the people-pleaser, before his brain had come to that conclusion. The door to Kiyoko-san's apartment is much quieter than that of his aunt's, it doesn't creak at all as a sliver of blackness turns into a rectangular and endless abyss before him. Kiyoko-san surges into the darkness, only visible due to the whiteness of her - his - shirt. He steps forward too, ignoring the smell of something he couldn't identify, and groped along the wall beside the door for a light switch. Transforming the abyss into a living room may have been a mistake, he thinks, for all intents and purposes, it could be a very normal and modern living room, except for the large, not exactly countless, as he could probably count them if he had the same amount of free time as the contributor, number of bottles, all of them with identical labels, though none he could recognize as soda or coffee. Though, the worst, and easily most disturbing, addition to the living room was the pool, though he wondered if it could even be considered a pool if it was, by the looks of it, completely dry, of blood. He recognized the color instantly, not even red, really.  _Brown, like dead leaves,_ his mind supplies, unhelpfully in his opinion.

Daring not to take a step forward, for fear of having a panic attack or to resist the urge to scratch at his arms, the wait for Kiyoko-san seems infinite. He's undoubtedly thankful that she returns minutes later, dressed appropriately for school, and as per usual, a large book positioned between her arm and side.  _She looks normal,_ he realizes, except for her eyes, Kiyoko-san's eyes are not the same almost bored expression, instead, when she locks gazes with him, her feet avoiding the not-pool without looking, he only feels something like a lock clicking into place; a deal being formed between them. She blinks,  _I won't tell,_ is what it means, he thinks, maybe, both positively sure and also confused beyond reason.  _You don't tell,_ his mind finishes. Shouyou finds himself nodding beyond his control, under Kiyoko-san's command.

They exit the apartment without a word, both dressed for school but minds far, far away from the forgettable trek to the bus stop.

He could have been wrong, of course, but somehow, judging from the guarded way with which Kiyoko-san was reading her book, the one on French still, he couldn't help but feel that his deduction was spot on, though he really, really wished it wasn't. He's glad though, just a little bit, that Kiyoko-san, that someone trusts him enough to share with him. It felt nice, he supposes, to protect someone, even if it was only for a night, really; he had a feeling that he'd cherish it more than Kiyoko-san would, as she had an endless line of people willing to protect her, to die for her in the case of Tanaka and Noya-senpai. He doubted she'd even remember that night years from now, though Shouyou wished he could forget most of it, forget the fear of Tooru, the boy who loved him, the boy to whom he belonged.  _Mine, Mine, Mine._ Shouyou's grip tightened on his knees, only to suddenly remember that he'd forgotten his school bag, and it was far too late to jump off the bus by now.  _Tooru,_ he considered, remembering their times together, remembering the words that sparked their relationship, the first time Tooru touched him, kissed him, their moment in the woods where he'd been shaking in excitement at being the center of attention by a great volleyball player. Now, he thinks, pointlessly, every part of him dreads being with Tooru, being loved by Tooru, but he still wants to... thank him, for loving him, for being with him despite everything. Even Kageyama had been distancing himself, however minutely, from him since his life had literally turned upside down. They were still partners though, he supposed he could say the same about Tooru, that he owed him to be partners, at least, until Tooru didn't want him anymore. He hoped, with more faith than he'd ever thought possible, that Kenma's plan would be enough to make up their minds. That Shouyou would find out how he felt about Tooru, and that the older boy would forgive him, tell him that he'd always love him, that'd they'd be friends and rivals, that'd he'd stay away, that he's proud of him.  _I'm so messed up,_ he thinks, miserable and anxious, not for the first time that morning.

The bus pulls to a stop, Kiyoko-san puts her book away and leads the way off the bus, composure fully in tact now. Shouyou couldn't be more grateful for the stability the older teen offered to him, the untouchable Kiyoko-san, the manager for Karasuno's volleyball club, he needed the support at the moment, and she didn't seem to mind, or notice, that it was him that was depending on her for safety in the short walk to the gates of the school.

Shouyou thought, not for the first time, that he was as crazy as the orange bottle stated, but after that...

School was a blur.

Life was a blur.

Shouyou was busy thinking.

Thinking about him.

About Tooru Oikawa.

The boy he'd worshiped so easily because he was Kageyama's senpai, because he was good at volleyball, because he was too smart for his own good. Shouyou hated him, or that's what he told himself, at least. He tried his hardest to follow his own instructions, but knowing the other boy, seeing him smile in the woods, seeing him confident in his own skin, something Shouyou could never achieve without the aid of others. Tooru Oikawa was a hurricane, he was sure of that, if nothing else. Hurricans were exciting, but very, very dangerous. Too dangerous for a human to survive, let alone love; not like loving Kenma, that was easy, so easy and lovely and heartwarming and  _perfect._

 _Kenma deserves more._ More than Shouyou, more than anyone, really. The quiet boy was perfect in every way. Shouyou knew that for certain. Loving Kenma made him a bad person, he was also sure of that, selfishly taking what didn't belong to him, belonging to someone more deserving than him. Shouyou was disgusted with himself for that, for taking Kenma's love, knowing that he didn't deserve it. He deserved the storm, deserved the darkness, to be alone but not.  _Kenma chose me,_ he thinks, trying to rationalize, trying to cling even more, but that just made him itch, made him want to scream as he packed away the last of his school supplies. Instead, he settled on biting his lip, not enough to make it bleed, but something to distract him from the lies he was trying to sell to himself.  _Kenma chose me,_ he repeats to his brain, to his soul, to everything that makes up Shouyou... Kozume. Taking on the mantle of Kenma's family made him giddy, though he knew that it shouldn't, that it could and would never happen, let alone be a possibility. Kenma would see better, would see that Shouyou himself is a storm.

There was something relieving about admitting that much, that he was a storm. Nobody would love a storm. He'd just suck them in, damage them, and spit them out, or they'd run. He hoped that Kenma would run, that everyone close to him would follow. Part of him, the selfish monstrous part, kept tugging at strings. Wanting something, be it love or affection, some affirmation that he was alive, that he existed, that he mattered to someone. That his life held meaning. Something he couldn't achieve without help. This, he supposed, was his greatest fault, the need for others, the need to validate himself with kind words and embraces and insistent pressing of lips. The darkness he feared knew what he needed as well, knew that he'd cling onto anything, especially someone perfect like Kenma Kozume.

Shouyou knew all of this about himself, and hated himself, with more passion than his aspiring volleyball career but...

He still clung on.

"Yo!" A voice.  _Not Kenma's though._

Shouyou stopped walking, he's not even sure when he had started.

"Ready for practice?" His body, Shouyou curses, lead him here, knowing that it would get what it craved. A hand in his hair, ruffling and burning, but warm; so warm.

"You're not even dressed yet." The gym did feel warmer than usual, he supposed, suddenly more aware of his own presence, of that itchy material of his uniform pants.

The voice speaks again, closer this time, "Is everything okay?"  _No, no, no._ His mind screeches, repetitive and growing louder.

"Yeah!" He says, boisterous so suddenly that he flinches from the voice coming from his body. His mouth laughs though he feels no humor, he hates himself even more. "I was so ready for practice that I forgot to change." His hand scratches the back of his head, his fingers sliding against warm, warm skin that doesn't belong to him.

His eyes seem to render control back to him and he finally sees everything as if for the first time, Daichi leaning over him, face close and skin tanned as ever. Concern lingers in his captain's eyes even as he leans back, laughing a laugh that sounds more fake than his own did.

"Right. Go change..." Daichi says, "and uh..." The older boy tacks on, though it seems unintentional as Daichi's lips don't seem intent on moving from their twisted position under his captain's teeth.

Shouyou mumbles something, he doesn't even know what to make of the sounds that escape his lips, doesn't bother an attempt of an explanation as he backs out of the gym doors. The sun is still bright, blinding, as he moves towards the stairs, intent on changing for something to do, intent for contact and being surrounded by his victims, the ones he has sucked into his storm. Something slithers around like a snake in his brain and under his skin, leaking insults and insecurities and sounding so much like Grand King that he tugs on his ears until his skin burns and he's worried his ears will be ripped from his skull. At least then he wouldn't have to hear that voice anymore. He sprints to the team room, pushing it open and not registering that anything was inside of the space until voices articulate in front of him.

He nearly jumps out of his own skin at them, voices outside of his head, like it was such a foreign and strange concept. He nods, something of a greeting, he can't trust his voice at the moment. Only when he starts tugging his shirt off, does he notice something, and only when he's holding the material as a blob in his hands does he realize that his hands are shaking, shaking with energy he doesn't feel in the slightest. Not knowing what is wrong with him, Shouyou drops the shirt onto the ground and begins tugging on another one, his practice jersey, with short sleeves and possessing the cold grasp on disuse. His knees tremble as he removes his pants, waiting long enough for everyone to leave before he even attempts at unbuckling the buttons, they fall in a heap at his ankles and he shakes them off, nearly losing his balance if not for the wall in front of him. With one hand, he pulls on his shorts, revealing his pale, hairless limbs. All in all, he feels exposed and indefinitely vulnerable. His brain chose this, and he knows why, but his body is putting up so much resistance that he thinks he might snap in two. 

In the gym, he's instantly surrounding by arms, his hair covered in fingers, and smiles, bright like the sun, from too many people. It feels heavenly, like he'd died on the way down the stairs and was instantly surrounded by his most desperate desires. 

It doesn't last long, but the effect withstands the time it takes him to realize that he is, in fact, still alive, and similarly, happy. Swelling warmth, like a thousand kisses from Kenma, the same warmth he felt in that bathroom in Tokyo with Bokuto-san. 

His first spike broke the cloud of oppressiveness that had resided over him, shattered any negative thoughts like glass. He loved this feeling, of being complete without anybody but his teammates, not even needing their touch, but accepting the high-fives regardless. One after another, after another, he spiked them, slamming the ball to the ground, seeing over the wall over and over. He was flying, soaring for once.

"Nice one, Shouyou!" 

"One more!" 

"Nice!" 

Everything was so lighthearted and serene and peaceful, despite the fact that he was running out of breath, panting with his hands on his knees, trembling still, but now in a good way. Tanaka-senpai slapped him on the back, leaving a stinging mark, but he felt nothing but elation as he was surrounded in his own jubilation. 

He found it easy to laugh off his own mistakes, when an attempt to keep an out ball in play sent him somersaulting across the floor and knocking over a dozen water bottles, he cackled and continued practicing with his teammates. It was amazing. 

 

He was more than a storm in those two hours, then it was over. Practice was ending, and in his high, he had volunteered to clean up. A fool's errand, but he still smiled as he unwrapped the pads from around the pillars that kept the net up, and even as he spent the next eternity mopping the floor under the hazy light of the gym's overheads. 

The silence was unwelcome, but unfortunately, unflinching in its presence. It didn't even occur to him until he was completely finished that he was the only one in the gym at the moment, that he was the only one cleaning. He laughed, once more, at his own stupidity, but the voice didn't crawl back in, slithering inside of him and confessing his sins to him. The gym was protecting him, from himself, it would seem, and he was more than grateful. 

He spent the next twelve days, that way, grateful for being with his team, grateful for the gym. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the long wait. Every season gives me seasonal depression. Thanks for being patient with me while I work through everything. What did everyone think?


	51. Finale

**Chapter 51: Final**

On the 13th day, Shouyou rested, high on the affection of his teammates, and felt, for once, that he belonged somewhere, that place was none other than the Karasuno High School gym. He spent as much of his free time there as possible, reliving moments of earlier months, when he had first started high school, of when he still had family. His teammates joined him, sometimes, more often than not, he thinks. He's grateful for the company, grateful for the memories of before his time or for lives he's not a part of. Even Tsukishima had stayed a few times in those twelve days, sharing stories of his brother and parents after a little goading from Shouyou. His brother had changed universities to be closer to home, his father was promoted, enabling Tsukishima to spend more time with both of his parents now that his mother had quit her job. It was odd, Shouyou realized, knowing this information. Tsukishima was better after that, offering tutoring and just not being rude. He was easily becoming a friend to Shouyou. Unlike Kageayama.

Kageyama stayed late everyday after the time Shouyou had found himself cleaning and entire gym by himself. He'd wondered if he'd actually been alone and Kageyama was just watching him, hoping to pull a joke over him or something. Though he realized that Kageyama was not a joking type of man. The other teen glared at him every time their eyes met for more than a second, Shouyou felt that Kageyama, his partner in their God-Quick was angry with him, perturbed for reasons that Shouyou was too scared to ask about. He wondered each day, his nerve wavering each time his curiosity rose in his head. He missed the old Kageyama, before... everything, he supposed. Sure, they'd both gotten stronger over the past few months, but strength was nothing without a bond. Their's was in serious need of repair.

Naturally, he spent a lot of time with Daichi and Noya-senpai. They'd both share stories as well, Daichi's mostly revolving around work, and Noya's seeming more fictitious than truth, but he loved the company regardless, craved it late at night when he found himself on his aunt's couch, texting Kenma, going over the final aspects of the other boy's plan. The inter-high was coming up also, the week after Kenma was going to free him from the hurricane that is Oikawa Tooru.

On the 13th day, it was raining when Shouyou woke up. It continued to rain and Shouyou continued to rest, only opening his eyes to text back to Kenma and eventually, Tooru, who'd claimed he was bored at home and was insisting on visiting his favorite Chibi-chan. Which seemed to make Kenma pleased, for some reason.

 **"Ask him to wait until the evening."** He did so without question, as he would with any of Kenma's instructions.

**"Making me wait even more, you're so cruel, Chibi-Chan."**

**"Sorry Tooru"** He responded, at a dead end as far as conversations went. They both seemed to be lying in bed and couch, respectively, and had already went over everything in their lives, Shouyou being incredibly honest and open, as is his nature, he supposed. He doesn't dare let Kenma's plan slip, though.

 **"Guess I'll kill some time..."** Shouyou takes a moment to think of a response, though the words should have come more simply than they had.

**"Doing what?"**

**"Watching a movie... without my Chibi-chan. :("** Shouyou laughs, despite himself.

On the 13th day, the sun set at 18:55, but it was too cloudy to actually tell when the sun's rays had been smothered.

 **"We're in Miyagi."** Is what Kenma tells him at 19:12. Shouyou finds the energy to respond several minutes later, too exhausted despite not moving at all since he'd awakened.

 **"When can I see you?"** He responds, starting to get hyped up. It had been too, too long since he'd last seen the other boy. He wondered if Kenma had redyed his hair, or if he'd grown any, or if he got new shoes or anything. It'd been near silent besides the customary good morning and good night texts they sent back and forth.

 **"Tell Oikawa to come to Miyagi."** Shouyou did.

 **"Come over."** Simple as that.

 **"Right."** Tooru messaged back, clear of goofy faces that usually littered his text messages, not that Shouyou was an expert in the way the older boy communicated.

Following the instructions of Kenma, he traveled to the only train station in Miyagi, arriving thirty minutes before Tooru was expected to.

At 19:45, Oikawa Tooru stepped off the train and onto Miyagi Station. Shouyou was waiting there with an umbrella and a smile, shared them both with Tooru.

Shouyou checked his phone immediately, about to proudly tell Kenma about his progress, but seemed that Kenma had already known, could see them, somehow, and sent him further instructions.

 **"Head into the woods, there should be a lake."** _The woods?_ He thought, finally questioning this secret plan of Kenma's. It wouldn't do any of them any good to catch a cold before the Inter-High. Still, he relayed the idea to Tooru, as if it was something he'd just thought of.

"Tooru?" He asked, voice small and neck tense with nerves, suddenly.

The older boy looked down at him, smiled in a way that Shouyou couldn't describe, and finally responded, "Yes, my beautiful chibi-chan?" Shouyou's cheeks went red at the nickname, still affected by Tooru's charm despite himself.

"L-let's go for a-a walk!" He proclaimed with gusto, smiling creasing his burning cheeks. Tooru laughed, ruffling his damp hair. "In this weather?" Shouyou nodded, trying his best to give Oikawa the puppy-dog eyes.

Tooru hummed in response, then raised a finger in exclamation. "On one condition!" Shouyou shuddered, but found himself nodding, ready to give anything to make this plan succeed. "We get meat buns first, those are your favorite, right?" Shouyou chokes on his tongue, not expecting that in the least, and perhaps, a little touched that Tooru had remembered such a minute detail.

Shouyou finds himself agreeing, wondering if Ukai's store would even be open. His stomach gurgled though, announcing its thoughts on the condition. Shouyou agreed once more.

"Let's go then!" Tooru said, giggling, then, suddenly, was bending in front of him, pressing their lips together. Shouyou could feel Tooru's smile against his own shocked expression. Before he could consider pushing the older boy away, or maybe, even, possibly kissing back, the third year pulled away. Another laugh broke the static of the rain before Tooru started dragging them away from the station. Tooru navigated the rain like he'd done so a million times and was ready for a million more, Shouyou snorted to himself, wondering if his comparison to the older boy had been spot on.

On the 13th day, Shouyou found himself dripping water on the floor of Ukai's family's shop, standing alongside none other than Oikawa Tooru, third year from Aoba Johsai. The meat buns, Ukai told them, or more likely, Tooru, since he seemed to be the one paying, were made this morning, but he supposed he could microwave them if they were interested. Shouyou nodded along with Tooru, both of them smiling, grinning like sharing secrets with nothing but their eyes. Though, he supposed, they kind of were.

Ukai, Shouyou noticed, had a very strange look on his face moments before he disappeared into the back, presumably where the microwave is, but Shouyou made no move to comment or explain the situation.

Seconds after the microwaved beeped, they found their hands full of meat buns, with Tooru carrying a large bag of them in addition to the ones in his large hands. Shouyou thanked the old man before walking out of the store in a hail of old magazines and manga aimed at their heads.

They walked around for a long time, mostly around town, until they finished the entire bag of meat buns.  _Now,_ Shouyou thought, before deciding to make his move, the suggestion that he couldn't let fail. "Remember those woods?" He asked, suddenly, tilting his head in their direction, sending waves of orange hair topping over to one side. Tooru glanced towards the dark woods, a smirk twisting his face, the same one Shouyou was scared. He swallowed down a lump, "Want to go explore?"

Exploring, he thought, was a strong word, he knew exactly where this expedition was going to end up. Tooru agreed easily, silently and with a nod that Shouyou thought he might have to press more for. It was odd how easily Tooru agreed to him.

On the 13th day Shouyou led Tooru into the woods, into the dark, dark woods.

He wasn't afraid, though, for he knew that Kenma was in these woods and would be the one popping out, and that Oikawa couldn't scare him because the older boy was right next to him.

Shouyou did not expect, however, to find the pond glowing under the glow of the moon, for the entire sky had been covered in clouds.  _Pretty,_ he thought, musing over the sight. Tooru shared his sentiments, albeit outloud, tacking on, "But not as beautiful as you, Shouyou." Shouyou laughed, he was anything but, especially in the dark.

They shared this moment for a long while, an eternity even, before the plan was set into motion without Shouyou even being aware.

On the 13th day, Kuuro stepped out from behind a tree and approached them. Shouyou noticed him first, and almost screamed, until he saw that beautiful red. Kuuro stopped when he was right in front of them, or rather, beside them, with Shouyou between two captains of volleyball teams he respected greatly.

"Fancy seeing you here." Kuuro said, laughing softly. Shouyou's gaze snapped to Oikawa, who was still staring at the beautiful lake.

"Yeah." Tooru said, finally.

"We should talk." Kuuro again, louder, more commanding than Shouyou had heard him except for once.

Tooru chuckled.

"Stay away from the Chibi..." Kuuro continued, as if Tooru had actually responded. Shouyou saw him gulp.

"...And if I don't?" Oikawa responded, finally, voice flat.

It took Kuuro a long time to find his composure. Shouyou was surprised the other boy was even capable of speech, he seemed to be trembling as badly as Shouyou was, his tanned skin looking pale under the excess light of the moon. Kuuro looked terrified, as well as terrifying. In Shouyou's opinion, anyway.

He needed Kenma.

Shouyou took a step back.

A flash of moonlight whipped over his head, and he found himself stepping even further back.

On the 13th day, under the glowing moon of Japan, Oikawa Tooru was holding a large, large knife. His eyes seemed to be glowing along with the moon and Shouyou was terrified, but it seemed, in the split second that he managed to pull his gaze away from Tooru, Kuuro was seconds away from peeing his pants.

On the 13th day, Oikawa stepped forward, another whir of moonlight arcing from his arm, quick as his spike and a thousand times more deadly.

On the 13th day, Hinata Shouyou did the only thing he was good at.

He jumped. 


End file.
